


it's not weak if you need to be held

by tryalittlejoytomorrow



Category: This Is Us (TV)
Genre: Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eating Disorders, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Feels, Mutual Pining, Post-Season/Series 04 Finale, Pregnancy Kink, References to Addiction, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 194,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryalittlejoytomorrow/pseuds/tryalittlejoytomorrow
Summary: But, Madison figures, if she'd had more time to think about it, she would have imagined a scene like something from a movie she could so perfectly picture Kevin in, maybe slipping an envelope at him with baby pictures inside across a table at a coffee shop like she's a private detective or from the Irish mob.Maybe it'd even be raining._____Kevin, Madison, and navigating through this whole drinking tea one afternoon and getting pregnant thing.
Relationships: Kevin Pearson/Madison Simons
Comments: 618
Kudos: 348





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i know i know, there's a total of maybe three people shipping it, but honestly? i've been shipping it since kate and toby's wedding, even if i love sophie, and wished for a sophie happy ending for a long time, but - BUT
> 
> god, i love madison, and i prayed for the show to develop her more, and here we are, so here's to us, the three people shipping it: i know you exist and i'm here for you guys
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> title from Maisie Peters' "Take Care Of Yourself", which is perfect for these two

Her nail polish is chipped, what with all the deep-cleaning she's done since dawn, and the pale yellow coming off feels like another chip in her armor, another thing that doesn't quite feel or look good no matter how much she's tried to make it so.

Madison looks anxiously around her living-room - shiny and pristine, not a thing out of place - and she has to force down the urge to grab a sponge and clean the coffee table again. It's stupid, she knows, but she wants everything to look perfect, to make today perfect in a way nothing until now has been. _Perfect_ is managing a whole conversation with Kevin without crying, or babbling out things like how she knows he doesn't want this with _her_ , not really, because things like this _will_ bring her to tears, and ruin the whole _not crying in front of Kevin_ thing; perfect means getting to talk to someone about this and stop feeling so alone in what must be the greatest, scariest adventure of her life.

She hadn't planned on telling Kevin at the party - she hadn't planned on telling him, _ever_ , to be honest, if it weren't for her doctor. But, Madison figures, if she'd had more time to think about it, she would have imagined a scene like something from a movie she could so perfectly picture Kevin in, maybe slipping an envelope at him with baby pictures inside across a table at a coffee shop like she's a private detective or from the Irish mob. Maybe it'd even be raining. Madison shakes her head; this is Los Angeles, not Boston, and definitely not that movie with the cop and the mole and which one would Kevin play, Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio?

A knock on the door rattles her, makes her spill her tea. There's a sharp sting as the warm water hits her skin, and Madison curses as she glances at her watch; he's half an hour early. She'd planned on sitting there and staring at nothing for another full thirty minutes, let herself imagine all the things that could go wrong so she could mentally prepare herself for them, and now Kevin's there, and she's spilled tea and her nail polish is chipped. Everything's a disaster.

There's no composing herself to face him; he is, after all, the father of her unborn children, _plural_ , and apart from a night of the wildest sex she's ever had and a very uncomfortable fight in a hospital waiting room, it's not like they have much to talk about - except, of course, _this_ , and life _definitely_ hasn't prepared her for this. She calls out, " _I'm coming_ ," and regrets it instantly, dabs at her spilled tea with a tissue and stuffs it into her pocket, feels the fabric get wet and exhales heavily. When she opens the door she's met with a bunch of flowers, _tons_ of flowers, really, moss roses and daisies and pansies, all the flowers of all the city's flower shops, so many she hardly spots Kevin's head through them.

It triggers an instant response from her, visceral and hormonal, as she blinks her lashes once, twice, to soften the sting. She's seen this scene in half the tv shows she loved as a teen, girl dating the quarterback and prom king, huge stuffed bear and gorgeous grin and pretty promises. But life is not a movie; Kevin isn't here to win her back, never had her in the first place - and neither does she, he's here for the babies, and tears well in her eyes no matter how hard she tries to keep them at bay.

"I'm sorry I was such an asshole," Kevin starts and startles her. "I was going through something with my mother and my brother, and I was an asshole to you, and I shouldn't have made you pay for my bad mood. I'm really sorry about that. And that thing I said about us - about it being a mistake we didn't need to relive, that was such an asshole move. Like, _damn_." He pauses, meets her eye. "When someone tells you they're pregnant you shouldn't walk out the door, and -"

"Come in, maybe?" Madison interrupts him, opening the door wider. "I don't want my neighbor finding out I'm pregnant before I get to tell Kate."

Kevin freezes for half a second, and Madison does, too. It's one thing to think about telling Kate, and another saying it out loud. She gestures him in, and Kevin half thrusts the bouquet into her hands before pulling it back. "Do you have a vase? I'll get these in water."

Madison almost argues that she's not an invalid yet, because this is clearly what transpires from Kevin's nervousness, but it's _sweet_. She goes back to the couch and waves lazily at the kitchen space. She watches as Kevin goes through her cupboards, finds a vase, fills it with water and props it on her table. It fills up the room; makes it more lively. Madison wonders what he thinks of her house, so clean and tidy and clinical; if he notices the faint smell of detergent, the rawness around her nails and cuticles. Does he realize she's gone on a cleaning spree because of how nervous she's been, imagining him in her space?

The man had her _upside down_ during that night, and _here_ she feels nervous, almost intimidated by him, somehow, it's ridiculous. Madison shakes her head to herself, doesn't realize Kevin has come closer until he's standing beside the couch, and takes a seat beside her. She pulls up her legs beneath her on instinct, retreats back; readies herself for the worst.

"Madison."

"Thanks for the flowers," she says lamely, conversational. Now that he's here, talking about the pregnancy is the _last_ thing she feels like doing. "They're beautiful."

"Madison, hey." He tilts his head, puppy-like, and finds her eyes. "When a woman tells you she's pregnant with your kid - _kids_ \- flowers are the least you can do."

His eyes fall to her belly; it's still flat, Madison _knows_ it, deep down, even though she has to remind herself every day that she's not getting fat with every passing minute. She's been wearing loose shirts and blouses, trying to hide a bump that only exists in her head. She _needs_ to tell Kevin about it, how dark it gets in there; but he's looking at her, at her belly, with such fondness, she doesn't want to burst his bubble.

She wraps her arms around herself and Kevin's eyes snap back into focus, meeting hers. There's a strange mix of fear and excitement in them; Madison knows the feeling. She's had weeks now to get used to this inconceivable concept, her being pregnant - pregnant with her _best friend's brother's_ _babies_ \- and Kevin's only known for two days. He's doing far better than she did in the first few days, all things considered. "I, uh, I know I'm the one who said we should meet up and talk," Kevin starts, uneasy as he clears his throat. "But, uh, believe me when I say this is the first time someone has ever said _it's twins, Kevin_ , to me, and I - I don't know what to do or say about that. And I know that must sound stupid to you after I said I was there for you, but, I feel like..." Kevin wipes his hand across his mouth; gnaws at his thumbnail. "I feel like I _have_ to tell you, you know? I don't know what I'm doing here. I'll do whatever you want from me. I'm gonna be here. But I don't _know_ what I'm supposed to do right now."

He's agitated; his fingers are flexing, his eyes wide and intently focused on her. There's a slight frown burrowed between his brows, Madison almost reaches out on instinct to smooth it out. "I don't know either," she shrugs. "I meant what I said. I was going to do this alone. I - I don't know how we're supposed to do this _together_ , either."

Kevin nods as she speaks. "Yeah, I know. I didn't mean to - _Jesus_ , I don't know what to say." He shakes his head. "Actually, no, I mean, _yes_ , I know. I should have said it the other day but I was...well, you know how I was." The corner of his mouth twitches up, a small grin, and Madison has a flash of that night, talking and sharing all evening in Kate's living-room; of another night, Kate and Toby's wedding, of feeling frivolous and carefree and taking Kevin's hand in hers and bringing him to the dance floor. It's that smile - it's that very smile, Kevin Pearson style, movie star gorgeous, shy and soft and _real_ , that's been her undoing. This time, it's Kevin's hand reaching for hers. It's weird, in the _daylight_ , the feel of his big hand wrapped around hers, but Madison lets him. "You said you were sorry. _I'm not_." Madison's eyebrows shoot up her forehead. "I know I called it a mistake, and -"

" _The whole stupid thing_ ," Madison interrupts him. "It's what you called it, actually. Not a mistake - a stupid thing."

Kevin sighs; squeezes her hand involuntarily, she believes. "God, I know. It's like - this was a terrible thing to say, really." She shrugs. She can't pretend it didn't sting, but it didn't _hurt_. Sleeping with your closest friend's brother is a stupid thing to do according to any and every girl rule, and it's not like she's in love with the guy and has been pining for him forever. It was a one-night stand, and it was _supposed_ to stay that way - no hurt feelings. Madison makes to pull her hand away but Kevin holds on. "No, Madison, _please_. Hear me out. I'm doing this all wrong."

"I don't think there's a _right_ way to do this, Kevin," Madison soothes, soft.

"Yeah, well, movies say there is," Kevin disagrees. "Like, there should have been a romantic, very chaste courtship, followed by a betrothal, and -"

Madison laughs. "What is this, a Jane Austen movie? This is 2020, Kevin." She bites at her lip. "What kind of movies do you even watch? Really."

Kevin smiles. "The 2005 _Pride and Prejudice_ adaptation is a _masterpiece_."

"How many girls did you get to sleep with you just by saying that?" This time Madison does pull her hand, and crosses her arms over her chest. "You know what? Don't tell me. This is _not_ a Jane Austen movie. If anything this is a Judd Apatow movie, except you're way hotter than Seth Rogen."

Kevin laughs, and there's something light and bubbly in his laughter, Madison feels like there's a weight in her chest lifting at the same time. No matter how shitty and scary and surreal this whole situation is, there are two things no one will ever be able to take away from her: she slept with _actual movie star_ Kevin Pearson, and their children will be movie star gorgeous like him. At the one-night stand draw, she won the lottery. "Well, uh, thanks," he grins. "You're not so bad yourself. I - I had a point, before this whole thing got derailed."

He makes to take her hand again, and she's weak for it, Madison realizes as she so easily lets him. "You had a point."

"I did. I do," Kevin nods. "I've been trying to tell myself that what happened between us only happened because I'd had a hard day with Sophie. That's what I told Kate, that's what I told _you_ , and in a way it's true, but it's not the only reason."

At that, Madison feels her throat closing up. It's the hormones and the fear all mixed up together; fear of what Kevin will say, what other men have told her before. That they dated or slept with her because it was easy; because she was pretty and _there_ , but nothing more. She told him so - she _told_ him about the _five_ guys in a row who broke up with her because they couldn't see a future with her. "Kevin..."

"You made me tea, and -"

Madison blinks. "You had sex with me because I made you _tea_?"

"No," Kevin chuckles. "I mean, it's part of it. You've got to let me lead you through the whole process here, okay? It's, like - I was drowning, that day. If I'm honest, I've been drowning for a long time. God, this is the worst, I'm sorry." He scoots closer, drawing her hand with both of his to his lap. There's this edge of vulnerability again; Madison bites at the inside of her cheek, he's just _so_ attractive to her right now. "I was having a bad day, and you made it better. Not the sex, not the tea - _you_. I did not expect that. I went to Kate's that day, expecting to play with Jack, and there I found you, and you were just - you were funny and kind, and, Madison, you're _gorgeous_. You're gorgeous, that didn't hurt, and I've _noticed_." His crooked smile twists at her insides. "You weren't a mistake, you were a breath of fresh air, Madison. And I don't regret that."

Her vision blurs for a second, as Madison can't help the couple of tears that roll past her cheek. Kevin notices that, too. He opens his mouth but she stops him, inhales and exhales heavily before she speaks. "It's hormones. Just hormones. Go on. I mean, _if_ you weren't done -"

"I wasn't," Kevin says, squeezing her hand. "I don't regret that night. Do I wish I could change things so we wouldn't be in this situation? Of course. I'm not gonna lie. This - this is far from ideal. This is not how I ever expected to become a dad, and I'm sure this isn't how you imagined things, either. But, I figure, if you want to go through with this, and I do too, then - it's up to us to make the best of it, right?" He pauses, scrutinizes her face. " _Now_ I'm done."

She looks down at their joined hands, bites down on her lip, hard enough that it stings. She refuses to cry, but, " _Wow_ ," is what she breathes out. "Kevin, that was..." She looks up, finds Kevin staring at her with the sort of tenderness she's seen him direct at Kate, and that's what gets to her. They might not be a couple, and they might not even like each other that much, but he looks at her like family already - and this is what they will be, through the twins. _Family_. It's a strange notion to her, considering her own relatives. "I don't know what to say."

She doesn't, and she does. Madison wants to tell him that she doesn't regret it, either; that he might have been the first one, or the first one in a long, long time, with whom she didn't feel like she needed to angle her body that way to hide the extra weight on her hips, or turn off the lights. That the afternoon they spent talking on Kate's couch meant a lot more to her than she'll ever be able to tell; Kate is her only real friend, and he'd felt like he could be, too, even for just a few hours.

All things considered, he's definitely not the worst person she could be going through this with. He's a good guy; an almost-friend. Maybe it can all work out in the end.

She pulls away first; this time he lets her hand go. Madison reaches for her tea, grimaces when she finds it cold. She's up on her feet and in the kitchen before Kevin can even react. "Want something?" she asks as she puts the kettle on.

Kevin blinks, stares at the spot she had been a second before, then at her. "Tea's good."

He keeps staring at her; she feels his gaze on her, she almost feels naked. Madison pulls at the lapels of her cardigan; ties the knot a little tighter around her front. It's going to take her a while, getting used to his intensity. It's like he can see through her clothes, her walls; and what he sees she doesn't know, and it terrifies her. "Can you stop -" she starts, her hands balling into fists. Madison grips at the kitchen counter, forces herself to breathe through gritted teeth. "Kevin, can you -"

"What?"

He hasn't moved, and she's grateful for it. If he'd gotten up and come closer she would have felt overwhelmed. She turns to him, leans her hip against the kitchen counter for support. "You can't look at me like that, Kevin."

He has the audacity to look taken aback, cocking an eyebrow at her. Damn, he's _good_. "Like what?"

 _Like I mean something to you_. It sounds corny and stupid even inside her own head. Madison closes her eyes and runs a hand through her hair. It's the hormones, she reasons herself; the hormones and the shock and the tension from all these weeks lying to Kate, all these lonely nights whispering to herself _I'm pregnant_ if only to hear a voice say it out loud. It's the visits to her doctor on her own, or her sessions with her therapist, crying about the baby, then the _babies_ , and all the things she's so afraid of doing wrong _because_ of all the things that _are_ wrong about her. And here Kevin is, looking at her like she's precious all of a sudden because she's carrying his children, when ultimately she's still no more than a stranger to him, a girl he slept with among others.

She can't have that. If she allows herself to believe she could mean something to him, then he's going to start meaning something to her; and then she's going to start seeing things that are not there, and build something out of every smile and gentle word from him. It's an endless slippery slope once you start falling.

And Kevin Pearson - _God_ , he's exactly the kind of man she could let herself fall for. But he _can't_ be the sixth guy in a row running away.

Madison bites at her tongue. They're two _days_ in this whole _all in_ thing. She can't tell him things like that; can't go babbling about her fears and insecurities and crying about just how utterly terrified she is of being pregnant, or becoming a mother, or being in a relationship, whatever it is called what they're doing. "You're just a bit - overwhelming. That's all." She waves vaguely at his face. "That thing you do, with your eyes. The whole movie star thing. It has to stop."

He cracks a smile. "That's my face. I can't really turn it off."

The kettle whistles, and Madison focuses on pouring their tea. "Well, tune it down, a little." She means to go back to the couch, then turns back at the last minute and opens a drawer, pulls an envelope from it. Her fingers tremble just slightly as she hands it to him. "That's, uh, you can't see much, it's a bit grainy, but they're baby pictures, if - if you want to see."

His whole face lights up, it's pretty hard not to share the excitement. "Yeah," he breathes, "yes, please." He pats the spot next to him, and maybe that's it, Madison feels, the moment when this turns into a _we_ situation for real, the both of them sitting down and looking at _their_ babies. Kevin traces the shapes with his finger, awestruck. "Is that - is that a nose?" he asks.

Madison squints her eyes. "Yeah, um, that's Baby A's nose. This is not the best picture. Baby A doesn't seem to be very camera-prone. No movie star material, I'm afraid."

Kevin laughs, eyes gleaming as he turns to her. It's something else, watching him look at the pictures for the first time. There's unadulterated joy there, something so genuine he can't be faking it. The whole _no crying in front of Kevin_ rule becomes very, very difficult to follow. Madison gulps hard.

His hand cups her knee, squeezes it. He goes through the pictures in silence, his hand resting there, and Madison's fingers clench into the throw pillows as she tries to force down memories of his hands elsewhere on her body.

"You can keep those, if you want," she offers. She had her doctor print multiple copies; there's this envelope from the kitchen drawer, that she looks through before every meal; the envelope in her dresser, when she looks in the mirror and flinches; the copies she keeps in her purse, folded in a side pocket just in case Kate needs to look for her wallet or something.

She really wishes she could tell Kate. But it's too soon, and Kate will be mad, and she needs to tell Kevin first, about the minefield inside of her. She needs to tell him before he gets so invested in he starts wanting to tell people, or make plans.

Kevin surprises her as he loops an arm around her shoulders and draws her in. "Thank you," he whispers, and Madison doesn't know if he's thanking her for the pictures, or for telling him. It doesn't really matter which; he's solid and warm and he smells so, so good, she can't help inhaling deeply. "Madison - thank you. Really."

She nods her head as she pulls back. "Sure, you're welcome." His smile is contagious; Madison's lips curve on their own. She runs a hand through her hair, pulls a little at the ends of her locks. "Listen, Kevin. There - there are a few things I need to tell you."

His smile fades a little as he grows more serious. "Okay. Sure. You name it and I'll do it."

Her mouth feels cotton-dry all of a sudden. Madison sips at her tea, buys herself some time. Kevin laces his fingers together, leans in a little; he's focused and intent and it makes it ten times harder. "You can't tell Kate, or anyone." His jaw clenches involuntarily, but she catches it, the tick there, even though Kevin nods. "I _want_ to tell Kate. She's my best friend. But not before the end of the first trimester. Not until my doctor deems it safe."

Her voice wavers at the possibility. She's read everything and its contrary on the internet about her condition; she's talked it through with her doctor, who's been as reassuring as he could be without lying to her, and her therapist, who's helping her make a list of all the fears and challenges the pregnancy poses to her. But Madison can't be sensible about this, no matter how many lists she makes. Even with a normal pregnancy the risks of miscarriage are a given at this early stage, and her pregnancy is as far from normal as it can get.

She needs to tell him.

"Hey, Madison," he reaches out, pats her knee. "Don't worry, okay? You're young, and you're healthy -"

"Stop it. _Please_." Madison breaks her own rule then, can't stop the tears from welling in her eyes and rolling. It's the downside of a miracle, just how much dread it will end it carries. Kevin's hand at her knee burns through her jeans and she swats at it, swallows back the bile at his hurt and confused look. "I - do you know how Kate and I met?"

Confusion wins over the hurt; Kevin frowns. "Well, uh, no. I mean, the first time she mentioned you she said you were helping her with the wedding. I - I didn't really ask. Why? What does it have to do with -?"

"We met at the Overeaters support group."

Kevin looks at her, bewildered. It's a fairly common reaction from most people at first; a bit suspicious, a lot bewildered. Most people at groups ask her if she's accompanying someone; some, like Kate in the beginning, look at her with anger, like she's crazy or cruel, only _pretending_ to hurt. No one ever believes her when she speaks up. Not her mother, not the girls at school; certainly not all the guys who've gotten annoyed at her for picking at her meal or complaining about her weight.

Then he schools his features. Nods once to himself, laces his fingers again. "Okay."

It's her turn to frown. " _Okay_? Just like that?" Kevin shrugs. "You believe me?"

"Why wouldn't I believe you?" He sounds so confused. He confuses her. "You said you had a medical history, and I assumed you meant something about infertility..." He shakes his head, wipes the back of his hand across his forehead. "And here I am telling you not to worry." She's the one staring at him now.

If she weren't already crying she would start now.

"Kevin..."

He reaches for the box of tissues on her coffee table, offers her one. Sighs. "You don't have to tell me everything right now. I mean, you don't _owe_ me any explanation, Madison. But you have to know - I'm not gonna judge." He looks her over, and once more she wonders what he sees. His gaze traces every shape and curve of her without a single hint of seduction. He's trying to _understand_ it, she figures, like everybody else does - what the skinny, crazy girl is all about. "I've seen Kate struggle with her body and her weight for as long as I can remember. Hell, I work in an industry where all my co-stars are at least ten years younger than me and _still_ considered too old or too chubby. I get that - body issues are real. And, uh, I don't know what's happening in your head, and I'm not gonna pretend I'm an expert, but - just tell me what you need and I'm gonna be that for you."

Madison wants to kiss him then, just a little. Oh, scratch that, a whole hell lot. But she's crying and her face is gross, her nose running, and Kevin Pearson is a lot more adorable and kind than she knew or expected and it's a lot to take in in her state of hormone-driven disarray. She goes for the next best thing; fumbles for his hand, holds on tight to his fingers. She can feel her chin wobbling; she's exactly two seconds away from silent tears to a huge sobbing fest.

Kevin squeezes back, and the gleam that flickers in his eyes - something she can't quite name - soothes her somehow. It's a nice change, talking to someone who doesn't instantly dismisses everything that she is or feels. "You're a good, good man, Kevin Pearson," she tells him, a little breathless. "If that whole puppy-look thing doesn't win you an Oscar nomination someday I'll - just write to the Academy or something."

He smiles at her, almost shy, then reaches for his tea. They fall in companionable silence for a moment, Kevin sipping his tea, Madison studying him. She doesn't know a whole lot about him, can actually count the things she does know on the fingers of one hand: his devoted love for his high school sweetheart; how much he loves his sister; and how hard he works to stay sober. It's something she knows through Kate; she's heard a lot about Kevin's history with alcohol and pills, and Randall's anxiety. She's _heard_ more about Kate's brothers than she's spent time with them, the afternoon and night with Kevin the longest she'd ever talked and been with him.

And now she's having _babies_ with him.

Tea's not quite strong enough to help her deal with that.

* * *

" - and now I don't know what that makes us, the Angry Three? Or the Not-Talking Three? None of them will speak a word about it and I'm so confused and - hey, Madison, are you listening?"

Madison perks up from her salad to find Kate staring at her with an odd look. "Oh. Yeah, sure, I was just - trying to remember if any of them said anything, you know," she starts babbling, "when I got to the party. But both Kevin and Randall were very stiff and angry-looking and they just, sort of went outside to have a go at it and then Kevin came back in and that's it. I don't know what their fight was about, either."

Kate sighs. "Yeah, that's where I'm at, too. They fought about our mom, that's for sure, but I've never seen them - they've never fought like that, you know? Never to the point where they'll straight up refuse to talk to each other, or about it. And I don't know what to do. I _hate_ being in the middle of their egos."

"Maybe you don't have to."

Kate cocks an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, well, that's not how we work. I _always_ get in between them. I listen, I try not to take sides, one of them always eventually says that I'm taking the other's side." She stabs at her turkey with more strength than necessary. "They've been going at it since we were kids - trying to one-up one another."

"But that doesn't mean that you have to interfere all the time," Madison insists. "I mean, they're grown men. Listening to them doesn't mean that you have to get into whatever it is they're fighting about. They'll never learn to fix their problems if you always do it for them."

Kate lets out a chuckle. "You have mastered all of your relationship podcasts, my friend. You should definitely start your own."

Madison laughs. "See? I keep telling you! We should have done that ages ago."

"Yeah, no, I don't think I'll have much time for that now..." Kate nibbles at her bottom lip. "The reason why I wanted us to have lunch wasn't to talk about my brothers being dumb. Even though they are," she laughs. "There was something - I'll show you."

She slides her phone across the table, and Madison looks down, blinks a couple of times, then looks up at Kate, who's radiant. "Are you - I didn't know that you wanted to. Is this for real?"

Kate nods vigorously. "It's fairly new. Toby and I started talking about it on Jack's birthday, actually. But, um, we've been contacting agencies the past couple of weeks, you know, just to get a feel of it, see if that could be a valid option, and..." She shrugs one shoulder, can't help the smile that spread across her face. "And we're getting pretty serious about it. We've started filling all the paperwork, and we've got an appointment in a couple of months, actually."

Madison feels the tears welling in her eyes. She wipes at her cheek with her sleeve, gives Kate her best smile. "God, Kate, I'm so happy for you guys."

Kate is beaming, it does something to Madison's heart; a little dance and a sharp sting, it's suffocating. Kate starts rambling about things Madison doesn't quite hear; she gets a few words, here and there, _adoption_ and _Pearson tradition_ and _Toby really wants a girl_ and Madison starts crying in earnest now.

"Hey, Madison," Kate says, worry laced in her tone as she reaches out, touches a soft hand to Madison's wrist. "Hey, come on, I didn't want to make you cry. This is _happy_ news."

Madison nods, reaches for her napkin and blows her nose. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just - really, really happy for you."

Kate's smile grows a little smaller. "Are you sure you're okay? You've barely touched your food, and you're the only real person I know who loves quinoa."

"Yeah, no, I'm all right," Madison shakes her head, nods at the same time. She grabs Kate's phone, scrolls through the pictures. "God, they're all adorable. This is such exciting news for you."

She can feel Kate's gaze on her, prays to God her best friend doesn't insist because she's _this_ close to spilling her guts to her about the pregnancy, and she can't, not yet. Luckily Kate seems to drop it and launches into details about the adoption. It's not until they part ways after lunch that Kate looks at her again with this look that seems to go through her, which, now that she's been on the receiving end of a very similar look from _Kevin_ , feels oddly weird and intimate and Madison has to resist the urge to flinch. "You're sure you're okay?" Kate asks again. "Are you feeling sick?"

She does, now that she thinks about it. Madison doesn't know if it's the quinoa - really, _quinoa_? she'd be, like, the _only_ pregnant woman to be sick of quinoa - or the smells in the restaurant, but her stomach is in a knot. "I'm actually feeling down a bit, yeah. I think I just need to rest a bit. But, hey," she forces herself to perk up and smile, "I want to know everything about the adoption, okay? You let me know."

There's still concern in Kate's eyes, but she softens. "Sure. You call me if you need anything, okay?"

Madison promises. She watches Kate walk back to her car, waves at her until she's a distant point in traffic. Then she reaches for her phone as she starts her walk home, dials the number, and it rings once, twice, and again until it goes to voicemail. "Hey, it's me. I mean, Madison. You said you wanted me to let you know when - you said you wanted to, like, know stuff, so...I, I think I'm starting this whole morning sickness thing? Except it's not morning anymore. But, um, I was having lunch with your sister and I just couldn't bear it, you know? Swallowing down food. And I'm feeling nauseous now. Anyway, uh, gosh, I don't even know why I called you. This is so _not_ what you meant by _tell me stuff_. I should only call for appointments or, like, if I'm in labor, so, like in _months_ from now, I don't know, I'm _sorry_ and -"

Madison pulls at her hair and deletes the message.

* * *

The internet is a scary place for a pregnant woman, Madison has found out pretty quickly. It's a terrifying place for someone like her, all things considered, filled with seemingly harmless things that turn into new triggers. She's found a few tips about nausea, even though she's not sure that it's what's bothering her. The way her insides are twisting is more likely due to her _lying to her best friend_ than morning sickness.

She does feel nauseous though, even after a long soak-in the tub filled with lavender and a cup of lemon tea. Madison can't help thinking of her lunch with Kate, and how weird she must have looked like to her. It's tearing at her, lying to Kate, and the more she does it, the more she sees Kate and doesn't tell her the truth, the scarier it gets imagining telling her at last. But her doctor's appointment isn't until another week, and what good would it be telling Kate now, when Madison's perfectly aware that there's a huge probability this pregnancy will -

A knock at her door interrupts her morbid train of thoughts. Madison frowns, looking at the clock. She's not expecting anyone in the middle of the afternoon; it's not like she gets so many visitors, anyway. She grimaces at her messy, wet hair piled atop her head in the mirror as she goes to the door and opens it, only to find Kevin standing there.

She crosses her arms over her chest; she didn't bother putting on a bra after her bath. Not that it's anything he hasn't seen before, but, _still_ \- Madison squirms as he takes her in, wet hair and oversized t-shirt and a pair of old shorts she's pretty sure has a couple holes in them. They are the least sexy pieces of clothing she owns; comforting and safe, and the shirt hides the light swell of her belly, still so small she can pretend she's only eaten too much quinoa.

"Kevin," she breathes, surprised. "What are you -"

"I've tried calling you," he says, aiming for casual, but there's an edge of concern laced in his voice she doesn't expect. "When you called and didn't leave a message, and then didn't answer your phone, I thought - that maybe something had happened."

Madison closes her eyes and pinches at the bridge of her nose. "I - I left my phone in my room before I went to take a bath." She opens the door wider, invites him in. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I didn't mean to worry you."

He looks her over, almost as if he were making sure she's really okay. Then he lets out a slow exhale, chuckles a little. "I...may have overreacted, coming here. I'm sorry. I'm just - still trying to adjust to this whole thing," he says, waving at the space between them. "And I'm finding that - I'm a worrier, okay? I worry. I thought that was Randall's thing, the whole anxiety thing, but apparently not. I worry too. And, uh..."

"Do you want some tea?"

He blinks once, slow. "Do I - do I want some tea?" he stutters, almost dazed. "Yeah, sure. Please." He follows her to the kitchen, and he's so big, he fills up the entire space, Madison feels crowded. It's like her bedroom all over again, the idea and sight of him all tangled in her flowery sheets surreal but she _cannot_ separate the two, it's Kevin _and_ her flowery sheets in her brain and in her space now.

She puts the kettle on and focuses on the steaming water, and he watches her, and it's that afternoon all over again, except now it's happened _twice_ , three times counting today, her making tea and him just being in her orbit, or maybe she's the one in his, it's still kind of crazy, the very idea of them existing on the same plane. She's watched his show for years, and what were the chances, really - Kevin Pearson being her best friend's brother? _What were the chances_? Kevin Pearson drinking tea in her kitchen shouldn't be a thing; it's a law of the universe, it has to be.

Kevin accepts the mug from her with that movie star smile of his, slow and easy, he's laying on the charm so thick without even realizing it. "You know, I wasn't big on tea until now, but - I think I can get into it, you know, if this turns into a thing."

She doesn't ask what _this_ is. There's no name for sleeping with your best friend's brother and getting pregnant and drinking tea with him in old, ratty clothes in the middle of the afternoon three months later.

There's _definitely_ a name for the flush that starts creeping up her skin at the way Kevin looks at her, though. She's not even sure he's doing it on purpose; but once or twice she catches his eyes dropping to the neckline of her shirt, to her bare legs, and - it's a shame, really, that she doesn't have any real friend other than Kate to talk to, because, _damn_.

Madison puts her mug down, takes a deep breath. "Listen, Kevin. I'm really sorry I called, and -"

"Don't be." He reaches out, touches her arm for a brief second before dropping it. It's _still_ weird, him reaching out to her like that. "I want you to feel like you can call me anytime, okay? Because you can."

He's sweet - he's so sweet Madison wants to say it, say something, anything, really, say that she's grateful for him, that it's him she's ended up doing this with, or that -

but the nausea comes first.

Bile burns at her throat, and if she thought that the whole ratty t-shirt and bird nest hair get-up was the worst thing to uphold before Kevin Pearson, then the way her stomach heaves and she has to cover her mouth in order not to barf lemon tea on his shoes is a very close second. She swallows the wave down, grimaces at the taste and feel as it scratches down her throat.

"Morning sickness?" Kevin inquires, filling a glass of water for her and handing it to her.

The water makes it worse, washes the bile down and spreads the taste in her mouth. Madison nods. "Lunch sickness. Afternoon sickness. That's, uh - that's why I called you, actually. I was having lunch with Kate and I - I started feeling sick, but I couldn't tell her, right? And she noticed, and I just needed to tell someone, and you said I could..." She shrugs. "It's kind of driving me crazy - okay, _crazier_ \- not talking about it."

He nods, comes to lean against the kitchen counter beside her. "I get that. I tell Kate everything. It's, like...I don't know, it's a twin thing, maybe? Maybe the whole twin thing is real, but..." He bites at his lip. "This... _doesn't_ belong to Kate. _We_ can talk to each other about this. And I know I haven't been here for the past two weeks, I've been trying to get my head around how to make this work, and - and I still don't know." Kevin bumps his elbow to hers. "Apparently I don't know how to _not_ freak out when you don't answer your phone, so clearly I'm terrible at dealing with the question of boundaries and limits here, but..."

"Hey, Kevin," Madison interrupts him before she loses her nerve. "Do you want to come to my doctor's appointment next week?"

* * *

_to be continued_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin turns to her, slides his sunglasses on top of his head and looks at her; really looks at her, with exactly the kind of intensity she asked him to tune down. Madison feels her cheeks heat up at his scrutiny. He opens his mouth to say something but then his eyes drop to her belly; with the seatbelt on, her bump is obvious. He softens. "Okay. We're playing this game, all right, favorites. It doesn't have a better name, but you get it." He starts the engine, puts his sunglasses back on his nose and checks the mirror. "I'll start. Favorite color?"
> 
> "That's the first thing you want to know?"
> 
> Kevin shrugs. "Could have started with favorite sex position, but I think I know the answer to that one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was so glad to find out that we are more than three people loving these two, so here's to us! 
> 
> enjoy!

By the time another week rolls, Madison's quinoa light swell has turned into a real bump. It's _there_ and it's _real_ when she pokes and probes at it with her fingers, splays her hands across it. The internet says it's normal; her doctor, whom she called to ask, too, says it's normal and healthy. She's eating well, taking all the prenatal vitamins, following all the specialists' advice.

It's also the first time in years that her jeans feel tight around her middle, Madison struggles to close the button, and she _knows_ it's normal, knows it deep down, keeps telling herself so, but - it's a _lot_. It's a lot and it's overwhelming, and after this afternoon's appointment she knows she'll have to tell people at work, tell Kate, because her jeans won't fit anymore and even maxi dresses won't hide her belly when she's four or six or eight months along.

Madison traces the swell with a lone finger; cups the bump in the palm of her hand. "Please, _please_ make it to eight months, you guys, all right?" she asks, low, in a whisper. "You can't go now. I'm doing my part so you have to do yours. And, uh, your father -" she gnaws at her lip, tastes the title in her mouth, "he's gonna be here and see you and he's so tall, you know, so big, you guys need to be big and strong like him, okay?"

Her plea goes unanswered, of course, and Madison sighs shakily; decides to shimmy out of her jeans and opt for a dress that doesn't make her feel like her belly is protruding that much. It's a nice dress, one she feels good in, pretty, and if anyone knew she'd make a post on Instagram out of it, become one of those pregnant and stylish influencers, #rockingmotherhood and #raisingthefuturewithstyle. But nobody knows, and it's been a pain in her ass trying to figure out how to keep it that way, what with Kevin coming to her doctor with her. _Low-key_ and _Kevin Pearson_ don't go well together, not when his face and abs have been on billboards and buildings for almost a decade. She seriously loves Dr. Mason for agreeing to switch her appointment to the very last of the day. Madison hopes the waiting room will be empty, no gossip girl to tweet about _the_ _manny_ spotted at an OB/GYN.

Her day at work is both the longest and slowest ever; she feels like every eye is on her, as if the very fact that she's having her appointment today and _thinking_ about telling people is making it so obvious all of a sudden. And then her coworker Lisa comes to chat her up for half the afternoon, telling her all about that event she's planning for and asking her to come to a tasting with her, and _God_ , it's four and she's craving those mini quiches Lisa raves about now but Kevin is picking her up so it's not like she can stuff her face with all these delicious onion and cheese treats without him smelling it on her breath. Not that the state of her breath is really that important, it's not like there's going to be any _kissing_ involved, but she doesn't want him to think that she's so nervous about this appointment that she ate anything on sight before.

She _is_ nervous, though. And Lisa's making a compelling case about these mini quiches.

Her phone beeps with a text from Kevin. A series of texts, actually, as it goes on flashing and beeping. "Oh my gosh, I'm totally bothering you," Lisa apologizes, retrieving her pile of folders. "I'll let you go back to work. And I'm totally texting you about that bakery if it's any good for your O'Donnell luncheon."

She exits Madison's office with a wave as Madison makes a grab for her phone.

_Kevin_

_4.05pm_

_Are we still on for the appointment? It's totally okay if you changed your mind_

_Kevin_

_4.07pm_

_I've just realized I don't know where you work_

_Kevin_

_4.08pm_

_Or what you even do_

_Kevin_

_4.08pm_

_Should I honk or park down the street or something?_

He's ridiculous, Madison rolls her eyes then texts him the address. She sends a few emails, finishes up on her research for the perfect venue for her next event, and before she knows it the hand on the clock strikes five and it's time to pack up her things and go.

Kevin's leaning against his car, sunglasses and navy blue polo shirt and grey jeans, he looks like a freaking Lacoste commercial. Madison rolls her eyes again. "Talk about going low-key," she greets him.

Kevin laughs as he opens the car door for her. "You know, people recognize you more easily when you do the whole baseball cap get-up." He gets in the driver's seat but doesn't turn the engine on just yet. "So...is it _weird_ that I don't even know what you do for a living? I feel like it's weird, not knowing that about the mother of your children."

Her head snaps. "Not as weird as hearing you say those words," Madison chuckles. It is weird, but it also feels warm.

Kevin turns to her, slides his sunglasses on top of his head and looks at her; really _looks_ at her, with exactly the kind of intensity she asked him to tune down. Madison feels her cheeks heat up at his scrutiny. He opens his mouth to say something but then his eyes drop to her belly; with the seatbelt on, her bump is obvious. He softens. "Okay. We're playing this game, all right, favorites. It doesn't have a better name, but you get it." He starts the engine, puts his sunglasses back on his nose and checks the mirror. "I'll start. Favorite color?"

"That's the first thing you want to know?"

Kevin shrugs. "Could have started with favorite sex position, but I think I _know_ the answer to that one."

He tilts his head to her, cocky and smug, and she'd flick her fingers at his nose or something if it weren't such a good look on him. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?" Kevin nods. "Okay. Yellow. Like, daffodil yellow. You?"

"Green. Like, _green_ green, I guess. Your turn."

"Favorite movie?"

His answer is immediate. " _The Princess Bride_."

Madison cocks an eyebrow at him. " _The Princess Bride_? Are you serious?"

"Yep. I actually had a _Princess Bride_ -themed party for my tenth birthday. God, I wish we still had pictures from that day." He sighs, scratches at his jaw. "I was trying to impress a girl. My first grand Pearson gesture."

Madison bites at her lip, looks at him from the corner of her eye. He says it so casual, but she knows a couple of things about the Pearsons and grand gestures _are_ a big thing for them. "The high school girlfriend?" she asks softly.

He nods, gnaws at his thumbnail at the red light. "Sophie, yeah. She's, uh, my ex-wife, too."

Madison had guessed, even if she didn't know for sure. It's the kind of things most people usually talk about before making a baby together. "Is she okay?"

His jaw ticks. "What?"

"That day at Kate's house, you told me her mother had just passed," Madison explains. "How is she doing?"

"You..." his head snaps, his brow furrows, then he goes back to looking at the road. "I - I don't know," he admits in a low voice. "I haven't called, or anything, really. But, uh, she's engaged, you know, and Grant looks like a good guy, steady guy, I'm sure he's..." He falls silent, rubs at the spot between his brows.

Madison toys with the hem of her dress. She shouldn't have strayed from their little game. They're doing everything in reverse, making babies and talking ex-wives and mental disorders and funerals before even going on a first date. "You've had a lot on your plate," she offers tentatively.

His fingers flex on the steering wheel. Then he reaches out across the console and cups her knee. "Favorite movie? Please tell me it's one of mine."

She pats his hand at her knee. "I'm sorry, no. _Notting Hill_."

"Ah, I see. No one compares to Hugh Grant." He retrieves his hand and places it over his heart. "Favorite place to be?"

Madison leans against the window. She has to recollect the memory, it's been so long. "My parents' vineyards. When I was little I just - loved running around and hiding in them. Could spend hours there. God, I miss that place."

"They sold it?"

She shakes her head. "No, no. I just - haven't been in years. You?"

"You know, it's weird, but I think I have this - newfound appreciation for our family cabin. I'm not sure I really appreciated it that much when I was a kid. But, uh, I've been jumping around places these past three years, you know? New York, then back to L.A., God, even Vietnam for a bit, and then my uncle Nicky's..." He waves with his hand. "I've used all my miles, crashed on everyone's couches, lived in a RV. But the last time we went to the cabin, we found this drawing that our dad had made - of a house he'd wanted to build for our mom, and -" He pauses, then shrugs a shoulder. "I don't know, I guess it'd be pretty cool to see it done someday."

"There's a pretty nice view on the hill," Madison agrees, "and there's nothing keeping you from doing it."

"Yeah," he says, turning to look at her. He smiles at her, shy, inviting. "And it'd be nice, taking the kids there someday."

Their gazes lock for a second; her heart definitely skips a beat. It's such a wild thought, imagining their children _for real_ \- even more imagining their lives so entwined, going on holiday trips together, watching their kids take their first steps, taking them to their first day at school.

Playing house with Kevin sounds _surreal_.

But, at the same time, imagining their children growing up without their father for each of those moments sounds even more so.

Madison has no idea how they're supposed to do this.

She answers his smile with one of her own, hoping that her chin doesn't start wobbling with the emotion. "That sounds great," she says, soft. She turns to the window. "We're almost there. You should park around here, it's always a pain to get a spot nearer."

Kevin finds a spot and parks, turns off the engine. None of them moves. Madison's hand moves to her belly instinctively. Kevin's fingers seek hers. "Everything's gonna be all right."

She bites at the inside of her cheek. "You don't know that."

Kevin squeezes her fingers; tugs a little at her hand until she turns to face him. "Hey, Madison. Not everything has to be a disaster, okay?"

Her chin does wobble this time. "That is _not_ a good pep talk," she laughs, bubbly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Come on, we should go."

He's opening his door when she says, "I'm an event planner, just so you know." And then, because she refuses to let him have the upper hand, "And three orgasms don't mean you know everything about what I like."

She dashes out of the car before he can catch her eye.

" _Three_?" He calls out after her. Madison ignores him as she reaches the front door. "I definitely remember four."

* * *

Dr. Mason smiles at them as he sees the both of them; he lingers a little longer on Madison, gives her a small nod of acknowledgement. "How are we feeling today?" he asks kindly.

"Good. Better." She gestures at Kevin. "This is Kevin, he's, uh -"

Kevin reaches out to shake Dr. Mason's hand. "Responsible for the twin genes," he supplies. "This is the second generation."

"Ah. Well, we'll see how big these two have grown in a bit. Let's focus on you for now, Madison. How have you been feeling?" he asks. "Have you experienced any kind of symptoms?"

"Uh, yeah. Nausea, mostly. At all kinds of hours, it's been draining me a bit. But other than that I'm fine."

Dr. Mason looks through her folder. "I'm happy with your results, everything looks just fine. Have you been sleeping well? Eating well?"

"I'm sleeping okay. Actually, not for the past couple of nights, but I was - just sort of anxious about today. And, uh -" She tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear, nervously glancing at Kevin.

He clasps his hands on his thighs. "I can just wait outside, if that'd make you more comfortable."

"No, no," Madison shakes her head. "It's just - this sort of took me by surprise," she says, soothing a hand over her belly. "It just popped out overnight. One day my stomach was flat and the next it wasn't, and - it's been a little hard to process, that's all."

Dr. Mason nods to himself. "Well, Madison, I know I don't need to remind you that you're perfectly healthy and fit, or that gaining some weight during a pregnancy is normal and important to fetal growth. You know that. Are you getting help about that?"

"Yeah," she nods, "I go to therapy once a week, and I go to this support group. It's been weird, lately, since no one knows I'm pregnant, but, it helps." She turns to Kevin, gives him a tiny smile. "You knowing, that helps, too."

He smiles back at her. She means it; Kevin hasn't been pushy or demanding regarding what she confessed to him, but just the idea that he knows this side of her and doesn't seem to look at her any different - _that_ helps more than anything in the world.

"That's great, Madison," Dr. Mason says, then stands. "I'll let you get comfortable, we're going to take a look at these babies."

"Uh, actually," Kevin interrupts, "I have some questions, if that's okay?"

Madison frowns. "Sure," Dr. Mason says as he sits back on his chair. "That's what I'm here for."

Kevin's knee jiggles nervously. The look he gives her is apologetic, so vulnerable she reaches for him, squeezes his fingers tight. It's crazy, how fiercely protective she feels over him when they barely know each other. "I have, uh, a history with alcohol and pills abuse," Kevin confesses. "My father did, too, and so does my uncle. I was sober when we..." He looks between her and her doctor, and is he _blushing_? "I've been sober for over a year now. I go to meetings. But I've been reading up on alcoholism and how it can affect the babies and -"

Dr. Mason raises a hand. "I'm going to stop you right there. The internet is _not_ your friend. You're going to read one article about the consequences of alcoholism on fetal growth and then you're going to read another and completely spiral out of control." He opens a drawer at his desk and retrieves a pamphlet. "If you want to read up more on your condition, we can go through this together. But, please, don't torture yourself over everything you'll read on the internet."

Kevin nods, his gaze somewhat blurry as he stares at the pamphlet. Madison squeezes his fingers tighter, soothes her thumb across the back of his palm. She's been worrying so much over everything that could go wrong because of _her_ , she hadn't thought for a second that maybe Kevin felt the same - hadn't really thought of what his addiction meant, either.

It sort of strikes her then, how hard this whole pregnancy could be on his sobriety.

"But they're fine for now, right?" Madison asks. "You said you were happy with my results."

"Most effects of alcoholism can be observed after birth," Dr. Mason starts explaining. "They rank from low birth weight, smaller brain size, to cognitive dysfunctions. But it's important that the two of you focus on the fact that these babies are growing just right so far. And that's our job to keep it that way as much as we can."

"I'm not drinking anymore," Kevin assures him, then looks Madison straight in the eye. "I swear to you, I'm not drinking anymore."

"I know that," she reassures him. "Kevin, _I_ _know_."

"The thing you have to understand is, because you have a genetic potential it doesn't mean it'll express itself," Dr. Mason adds. "The fact that you're both dealing with issues that can have an effect on how the babies will develop and grow doesn't mean that this is a done deal and that there's nothing to do about it. It's something that needs to be looked after and that you need to be able to seek help for as they grow up. Caution, not fear. All right?"

Kevin's eyes never stray from hers. He's so good at reassuring people, at helping other forgive themselves, she wonders why he's so hard on himself. She's heard Kate lament that more than a few times.

She doesn't want fear and self-hatred to color what they're becoming to one another.

"Everything's gonna be all right," she echoes his earlier words. Madison doesn't know that anymore than he does, but she wants to believe it. Maybe she can wish it into reality.

Kevin nods, then averts his gaze. He clears his throat. "Thanks, doctor. I'm, uh, I'm sorry things got so intense."

Dr. Mason shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Nothing compares to the drama of a patient coming with three potential dads." Madison snorts. "Madison, if you go and change in the next room, I'll get everything ready for the ultrasound."

When she returns Kevin slips the pamphlet in his pocket and comes to stand beside the examination chair. She grabs for his hand on instinct. It really does make all the difference, him being there.

She's seen him be so charming he could woo an entire room, fun and flirty, sexy, slow smile on his face; she's seen him soft and gentle and vulnerable, adorable with little Jack, sweet and open-hearted. But the look on his face when he hears the babies' heartbeats for the first time - that she's never seen. His whole face lights up like a Christmas tree, his eyes sparkling bright. For a man who makes a living out of acting she thinks this is his best performance yet.

God, she really wishes that the role of father will be, too.

He takes his eyes off the monitor screen just long enough to press a messy kiss to her forehead. Madison stares at him, bright-eyed, but he's gone back to staring at the screen with that awed expression so fast she doesn't call him out on it.

* * *

Madison curls her fingers around her tea mug. She focuses on the steam but she can feel Kevin staring at her; the fool has been beaming at her ever since they left her doctor's.

"You need to quit it, that thing your face does," she waves at his face, "all proud and primal."

His grin only grows wider. "Let me ride that high a little longer, will you?"

Madison rolls her eyes, but indulges him. Now that they've seen her doctor and that they know that the babies are still there and healthy, there's nothing keeping them from telling people - or from having that talk they desperately need to have about however they're going to make this work. It's time that they face the undeniable truth that they are not any normal, expecting couple, but two virtual strangers who are about to embark on the weirdest trip to parenthood.

It's kind of hard to bring on the subject when Kevin looks so giddy though, gazing at her like he's a knight on a mission and she's the holy grail. "Kevin..."

"I'm sorry. For getting so dark earlier," he adds. "I should have - talked to you about it before. I just..." He shrugs, gives her a self-deprecating smile. "It's kinda hard, talking about private stuff that's been made public to everyone."

She can't relate, not exactly, but Madison knows a thing or two about being the one everybody talks about, hushed tones and pointed glares. "It's okay," she reassures him. "I'm glad you felt like you could talk. It can't have been easy."

"Nope," Kevin shakes his head. "My family...they don't like talking about my dad and his issues. It's fine as long as it's me and Uncle Nicky, but Dad...God, Dad was this hero, you know? Can't talk ill about the dead. But I don't think..." He bites at his lip. "It's important, right? To talk about it. And I don't want to hide this from you."

Madison nods to herself, laces her fingers together. "Is this hard for you?" she waves at the space between them. "Does it make you want to -?"

"No," Kevin gives a quick shake of his head. "It's pretty terrifying but...I don't know, I guess it makes me too happy. I don't want to drown that away."

"You'd tell me, if it got too hard?"

"Yes." He sounds so sure and genuine, Madison doesn't doubt him for a second. "You?" He nods towards her belly. "I didn't know - that you felt that way."

She resists the urge to cover up with a pillow or something. Kevin looks at her with that caveman pride of putting not one but _two_ perfectly-sized babies in her, Madison doesn't know how to explain what _she_ sees when she looks in the mirror. "How are we going to do this, Kevin?" she asks instead.

He sighs so deeply even she feels like having a drink. Except she can't either. What a pair they make.

"I grew up in a house where both my parents were there to tuck me into bed every night," Kevin starts. "It's what I've always known. I don't - I know that _nothing_ about this is conventional, but...I can't imagine not being there for my kids. I can't."

It's the kind of things any woman would want to hear, Madison reckons; but at the same time, it's the exact thing she dreaded, Kevin making promises he can't really mean. He says that now, but what will happen when he realizes that having children with a woman he doesn't love doesn't fulfill him as much as he hoped? What then? Is he going to bring his conquests home to two screaming and teething infants and his exhausted baby mama? Is she supposed to just stand there and watch him fall in love with someone shiny and new who might just give him the real family he's always wanted?

There's a reason why the best friend/brother hook-up only works in movies; in real life it's a thousand times more complicated than an instant attraction somehow turning into a great love story with just a snap of fingers.

"We can't just go and buy a house, Kevin," Madison replies reluctantly.

Kevin looks ready to argue - and then he nods slowly, the picture of dejection. "You're right. Of course."

She feels that tug at her heartstrings again that defies any reason or logic. "I just don't want you to make some big gesture you're gonna regret," Madison soothes.

He narrows his eyes at her, looking confused. There's hurt there, too. "When I say I'll be there, _I'll be there_ , Madison. You can rely on me."

Madison runs a hand through her hair tiredly. She grabs for her throw blanket and wraps it around her shoulders. "I'm not doubting _you_ , Kevin," she tries to explain, "it's just that we have to be smart about this. If we're gonna do this together then we need to think about what's best for the babies, long-term."

"Shared custody? Is that what you have in mind?" Kevin asks, sounding so remote all of a sudden, but she can feel his pain, hear it in the way his breath hitches, and the reality of a world of lawyers and two houses strikes her the wrong way, too, no matter how sensible it sounds.

Madison rubs at the spot between her brows. She doesn't have the energy to deal with all of this. "I don't know. Maybe, eventually. Maybe it'd be good to live together a while when the kids are little, but..." She closes her eyes, breathes heavily. "I don't know. I don't know what's best, okay? I just don't want to mess this up."

"Neither do I," Kevin says softly. He scoots closer; she watches with wide eyes as his fingers go to her face, gently tucking a stray lock behind her ear and lingering there for a couple extra seconds. "Maybe we don't have to think so long-term for now. Maybe we can just figure this out one step at a time."

"And what's the first step?"

He shrugs. "Whatever you want. You decide."

Madison closes her eyes again. She tries to get rid of all her scary thoughts, about Kate and Kevin and everything that could go wrong: _what does she want?_

She wants to enjoy the miracle that this pregnancy is like any other pregnant woman; shop for cute clothes, learn to knit cute little socks, and talk about it, stop keeping it a secret. "There's this one thing I've wanted to do," she starts, and Kevin nods to encourage her, "I know it's corny but I just really want to pin the pictures on my fridge, you know?"

Kevin smiles. "That's a good first step." He stands, offers her his hand. "Come on, let's do it now."

Madison stares at his hand; there's no reason not to take it and let him ease her into this, after all, no reason at all. She lets him help her up and lead her to the kitchen; Kevin hands her the envelope with the pictures. There's a domesticity to it she's never felt before; to her kitchens have always been the one room she feels the least comfortable in. But it feels different, standing there with Kevin, a kettle filled for two, his fingers brushing her trembling ones. Madison pins a couple of pictures to the fridge, takes a step back to admire the result; she bumps into Kevin's side.

"Everything's gonna be all right?" she asks for his reassurance again, for his steadiness. She needs to be sure before she can take the next step.

Kevin looks at her with a mix of hope and fear, and something else, something that darkens the shade of brown as he takes a step closer. Madison's breath hitches in her throat. He strokes his hand down her arm, gently grabs at her elbow.

Her phone starts ringing. It startles her out of doing the most stupid thing - letting Kevin kiss her again, or throw herself at him like she did the last time he looked at her like this, she can't even remember who made the first move, except that one kiss led to another and another and then here they are, the baby bump hidden underneath her dress the glaringly obvious aftermath.

Madison breaks free of his hold, dashes to her living-room. "It's Kate," she informs him, then answers her phone, "Hey, Kate." Kevin keeps staring at her like she burned him. "Yeah, sure, I can come by tomorrow. See you then." She hangs up, stares at her phone, then at Kevin. "Do you think Kate knows?" she asks him, a bit desperate. "That was very weird. God, how could she know?"

Kevin shakes his head. "Come on, Madison. How could she know? And if she knew she'd have called and yelled at me first." He walks to her and puts both his hands on her shoulders, resumes slowly stroking down her arms. "Everything's gonna be all right. The babies are all right, and we're gonna be all right."

His hands reach her elbows; it'd take the lightest push to propel her right into him, the slightest tip-toe if he leaned down.

This time, it's his phone that rings and breaks the moment. Madison feels her insides twisting as she sees Kate's name flashing on the screen.

* * *

_to be continued_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still. Kevin can't bring himself to regret it. Any of it. He breathes slowly, tries to get any Madison-related thought out as he exhales. Turns out, it's not as easy as it seems to get her out of his bloodstream; the scent of her shampoo, something floral and sweet, has attached itself to the very fabric of his clothes; there's a faint, small moon-shaped indent across the back of his palm where Madison squeezed his hand too hard during the ultrasound; he can still hear her soft, relieved giggle when they heard the heartbeats. 
> 
> For someone who never really crossed his mind before she's all he can think about now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter naturally wrote itself from kevin's pov so i guess this is a thing now, hope you enjoy!

Kevin doesn't _really_ have any friends.

He's never really noticed before, but it isn't any less true. He's always been the popular kid, the football star, then the actual TV and movie star, surrounded by admiring people and fans and staff and women, _tons_ of women; for him it was always just a matter of a phone call and he could find a party or company. He knows that he's welcome in any club, or that he can get a reservation in any restaurant. He's got two successful movies under his belt, and an entire new world of contacts in the industry.

But he doesn't have _friends_. He hasn't kept in touch with any of the kids who were there at his fifth or tenth or fifteenth birthday parties; he slowly lost all his friends from the football team after his knee injury and move to New York with Sophie. Kevin doesn't have any lasting relationship from Pittsburgh, or from any place he's lived in since. He's had girlfriends, plenty of them, but who does he call when he's in trouble? Who's there when everything falls down? Who's there to celebrate his greatest achievements with him? He's going to be a father and the first person he wants to tell, perhaps the only person that really matters, whose opinion matters the most, is his twin sister. He wants to tell Nicky, too, but can't until Kate knows. Other than the two of them - he's got no one to share this with, no one who will clasp his shoulder and know not to invite him for a drink to celebrate, no one to tell him this is great news and that he's got this.

Kevin isn't so sure about that, if he's honest with himself - and it's something he's been working on lately, knowing his flaws, not letting them become all that he is but still owning them. But an unplanned pregnancy at almost forty doesn't exactly rhyme with responsibility, not when not realizing that the condom broke is something that could have happened to nineteen year-old, _just married_ Kevin. At least back then he was in a committed relationship, even if he ended up messing that up, too.

Kevin sighs; hadn't realized how tired and weary he felt until he can feel it in that moment, in that long, heavy exhale, the exhaustion fighting to break free. He plays with his necklace, runs a finger over the pendant. What would his dad say? Would he be ashamed like Randall said? Would he be disappointed? God knows the great Jack Pearson would have never done anything as dumb.

 _Still_. Kevin can't bring himself to regret it. Any of it. He breathes slowly, tries to get any Madison-related thought out as he exhales. Turns out, it's not as easy as it seems to get her out of his bloodstream; the scent of her shampoo, something floral and sweet, has attached itself to the very fabric of his clothes; there's a faint, small moon-shaped indent across the back of his palm where Madison squeezed his hand too hard during the ultrasound; he can still hear her soft, relieved giggle when they heard the heartbeats.

For someone who never really crossed his mind before she's all he can think about now.

There's the very pressing matter of the pregnancy, of course - is she okay? is she doing well? is there anything he can do for her? But there's also this nagging thought knocking at the backdoor of his mind, his first impression of her. Long legs, tight dress, wild curls cascading down her shoulders, just a silhouette in a hotel corridor in Vegas; and then at Kate and Toby's wedding, gorgeous and overexcited and sort of _crazy_ , he can't deny thinking it. Saying it, even. He'd seen her only as one-night stand material for the sort of crazy wedding sex Hollywood has been promoting in trash movies; Kevin wonders now what would have happened, if he'd followed her down that road back then. Madison had flirted with him all day; she was sweet and hot and he'd wanted her, too. He'd been the one telling Randall to help him keep his hands off her, after all. If it wasn't for Zoe coming to him and engaging him in conversation, Kevin's pretty sure that he would have spent the rest of the night dancing with Madison, and sent all caution to the wind and slept with her. Would one crazy night have turned into something more? Would the past year have gone completely differently?

Kevin doesn't really believe that, either. But not because of Madison. He's the one who dismissed her as Kate's exuberant, weird friend; the one who looked at her like she was crazy when she showed up with a string of pineapple lights and threatened to choke Toby's crossfit lady with it. He's also the one who didn't realize just how important she was to Kate, the one who kept her from being there the day Jack was born - and for that he can't only blame the alcohol. For that, he can't apologize enough to either of them - which he _never_ did. He needs to amend that. He's never really paid attention to Kate's passing comments about Madison, and if it weren't for that afternoon drinking tea at her house, he still wouldn't know much about her except from the obvious: that she's fun and sweet and hot, exactly the kind of girl he would have gone for a good time.

But he didn't, _then_. He didn't sleep with her when it was easy, almost _expected_ of him, the frivolous TV star sweeping the unofficial maid of honor off her feet, when the consequences would have been much smaller, so much less serious. Even Kate wouldn't have been so mad if he'd slept with Madison back then, he's sure of it. They could have blamed it on the wedding fever and forgotten all about it. _But_ _no_. He didn't _just_ sleep with her. He got to know her; listened to her talk about a guy dumping her and felt a strange pang of _defensiveness_ over that girl pouring her heart out to him. Kevin's pretty sure that if Kate had told him, he would have probably made a dumb comment about Madison being a crazy mess. But he hadn't found her crazy at all that afternoon. He'd found her lonely and lovely and _real_.

And there's the memory of her lips against his, soft and surprised and unsure; then eager hands roaming down his back, clutching at his hips; the feel of her hair between his fingers, the sound of her laughter, her _moans_... It's rushing back to him no matter how much he tries not to think about it. It was easy, right after; they went to the cabin, and then there was the whole ordeal with Rebecca and the clinical trial, Kevin just didn't have time to think about that night. But _now_...

Kevin leans his head against the steering wheel, taps his forehead against it a couple times. Everything's so much more complicated when things start to get real. Everything had been good with Sophie until the reality of what it meant to be married had started dawning on him; he had seen a future with Zoe up until the moment when he started seeing the limitations of it. All the best things in Kevin's life ended when reality crushed the dream, when he took off his rose-tinted glasses.

He's not wearing any now, though. And things aren't exactly shiny and perfect. But they can be good, he knows it. With a little effort and a lot of work, and with help, things will be okay. He's stable now, focused and driven. He's got the means to care for Madison and the babies, both financially and emotionally. She _can_ rely on him - God, Kevin _needs_ her to know that she can.

With a last sigh Kevin exits the car, enters the building with only five minutes left before the beginning of the meeting. He answers a few _hellos_ and _how you doing_ , says _no, thank you_ , to a coffee mug, opts for a cup of tea instead. Kevin chuckles to himself as he pours the hot water. He's a tea guy now, and it's all Madison's doing.

He mostly listens for the first hour. There's Len, a fifty year-old plumber, divorced with two teenage kids, who tells them about that surfing trip he took with his sixteen year-old son. Kevin remembers him talking about Isaac before, how estranged they'd become after he and his ex-wife separated and she left with the children at the worst of his addiction. Kevin likes Len. Telling him he's doing good by himself and his family feels a lot like the apology he'll never be able to offer his dad. It's the thing about forgiving; it's as much for others as it is for yourself, and Kevin doesn't know if he can ever forgive himself for judging his father so harshly, or for being so angry with him still sometimes, thinking back to all those times Kevin has felt like Jack was being too hard and too harsh on him, too. So Kevin listens to Len, smiles at the selfie of him and his son Len shows around. "For one week-end I felt like his dad, just his dad," Len says, and it hits Kevin hard in the gut. It's been a long time since he's seen himself as _just Kevin_ , and not Kevin and all his screw-ups. 

There's Linda then, and Armie and Jonathan, and it's like they've all gotten a memo or something because tonight everybody's talking about their kids. Or maybe they've always done that and Kevin's never realized it - how much bigger than themselves it all is, the alcohol and the addiction and the pain, how it doesn't discriminate and everyone around them ends up suffering too. He thinks of Tess then, and Jack. As much as he loves them he put them both in danger with his drinking.

He thinks of his own children, to whom he'll have to explain all of this someday. Why daddy can't drink; what it means to lose control. All the things he never discussed with his own father. Kevin was too arrogant and stupid to ask these questions when he was a teen; maybe if he had, things would have been different for him, and maybe for his dad, too. Maybe he'd have recognized the signs when he started drinking too much, or when he swallowed up pain killers like sweets. A lot of things would have turned a different way if Kevin had learned to talk and not just speak.

"Anyone else wants to share?"

Kevin thinks about it; if there's anyone who could help him articulate his thoughts and feelings about his father and his addiction and the scary mess of becoming a father himself, it's the people surrounding him tonight. But his throat constricts when he clears it; the memories still feel too raw. The last time he tried to tell his family about how it felt, they nearly imploded. It might not be the best state of mind before facing Kate tomorrow.

He might never get his father's approval, but _Kate's_? It means the world. Kevin doesn't know what he'll do if he doesn't get it.

Someone else speaks up. Kevin rubs at his jaw tiredly.

Maybe another night.

* * *

Kate doesn't slap him behind the head when he gets at her house, which Kevin takes as a good sign. It's the _sister_ equivalent to kneeing him in the groin, he figures, and Kate doesn't look inclined to do so. If anything she looks happy and relaxed, giving him a minute to coo at a sleeping Jack before she drags him to the kitchen for help. "You take care of the peppers," she orders him around while she goes back to the chicken.

"Where's Toby?"

"He went out to get some strawberries and plums for the fruit salad."

Kevin finds a cutting board and a knife. There's stuffing and onions browning in a pan. "Smells good. _Damn_ , Kate. Are we celebrating something?" Kevin asks.

Kate slaps his hand with a dishtowel. "I'm not telling you anything until Madison gets here."

"Madison's coming too?" he tries for innocent. Kevin's _not_ been counting - dreading - the hours since he left her house. "Does this have anything to do with the adoption?"

Kate sighs in exasperation. "Kev. Slice the peppers." Kevin raises his hand in surrender and does as he's told. "There isn't much news on that front so far. We sent all the paperwork but we haven't heard from the agencies yet, just the appointment. It's supposed to be normal so I try not to worry about that. And, uh..." She seems to hesitate. "I haven't told Randall yet. He's been so busy, helping Mom and Miguel figure out the move to St. Louis, I didn't want him to, like, take a plane and hammer down on every agency's door for us, you know. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it."

"It's not like he and I are talking at the moment anyway." Kevin knows he sounds bitter, even a bit childish, but he can't help it. Doesn't really have the energy to fake it.

Kate rolls her eyes. She lets out a sigh that even Kevin feels deep inside. "This is ridiculous. Whatever he said - whatever any of you said - it can't be worth not talking to one another for so long. Mom's made her decision. We need to support her."

Kevin puts down the knife, curls his fingers around the kitchen isle. "I'll support any decision _she_ makes for herself without Randall pressuring her into it, Kate," he says between gritted teeth. "You and I _both_ know that. He's acting like he can just make that decision for her."

Kate lays a hand atop his shoulder, squeezes it. "You guys fighting won't help her."

"And moving to a place she doesn't know without anyone she loves around won't, either," Kevin snaps. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I just - I'm worried she'll regret it." He goes back to slicing the peppers with renewed vigor. "She wanted more time with Jack. Tess and Annie and Deja still need her, too. They could have years of memories. _That's_ what Mom wanted. I can't believe Randall won't see that."

The front door opens and closes. "So we're dropping the R-bomb around here?" Toby cuts in as he walks in, grocery bags in his arms. "What's our take on that whole mess?"

He looks at Kevin, who mimes a gun to his head with his fingers. Kate rolls her eyes.

"Kev's still mad," she starts. "I'm a bit mad too but I'm giving Randall the benefit of the doubt until this settles down and we get to talking about it like _adults_ ," Kate sums up. "And now, can we please all forget about all this family drama and focus on today?"

Kate and Toby exchange a private grin. "Hey, I want in the loop," Kevin sulks. "What's happening today?"

Kate collects the sliced peppers, adds them to the pan. "Nuh-uh. Told you, I'm not saying a thing until Madison gets here."

"Where _is_ she anyway?" Toby says as he sorts out the groceries. "I almost expected her to swing by last night."

Kate frowns. "I don't know. She's been tired lately. Maybe she's working on some big event, I've barely seen her." Over the baby phone Jack starts waking. "Hey, Kev, will you go get him? I need to finish up here."

"Sure."

Kevin tiptoes to Jack's room. Jack's wails are soft, tiny fists rubbing at his eyes. "Hey buddy, it's uncle Kevin," Kevin says in a gentle voice, stroking a hand over Jack's messy hair. "I'm gonna pick you up, all right? Your mom's busy making you yummy chicken." He picks his nephew up in his arms and goes to sit in the armchair by the window. "Did you have a good nap?" Kevin asks. Then, conspiratorial, he murmurs, "Do you know mommy and daddy's secret?"

Jack grabs for his nose, boops him with his tiny fist. Kevin laughs to himself. Tess and Annie are so grown now, they'd hate it if he ever brought stories from when they were little like Jack, but God, these were some of his favorite times. No matter how stiff things could be between he and Randall, the moments he spent with his nieces were always great; Kevin remembers when Tess and Annie still found him so cool they gushed all over him, not so long ago; he remembers giving them piggy rides and playing dolls and reading stories with the best voices and sounding effects, wind and lightning and papa bear growl. He loves that he gets to be so close to Jack and do it all over again.

He loves that Jack and the twins will be so close in age, the three of them might grow up to be as close as he and Kate are; they might even have a fourth playmate, if the adoption comes through. It's a bit corny, but he's thought about that conversation he and Kate and Randall had at the end of high school many times across the years, about their future and growing apart; he'd teased Randall about it, but this is how Kevin always imagined things - he and Kate and Randall following their parents' footsteps, number one and number two and number three finding their own great love, getting married and founding a family. Kevin always figured that they'd follow one another; he was the first to get married, and he'd been certain that once his career took off he and Sophie would have children. But then he'd messed things up, and Kate's life started falling apart, and Randall's the only one who got it all, the wife and the career and the children and the big house, Jack Pearson's son through and through.

And now it's Kate's turn to be happy, and Kevin's _so_ happy for her, it's all he's ever wished for her. If both Randall and Kate are getting their happily ever after, could it be that this is it for him, too? He's seen weirder things happen.

"What do you think, bud? Is forty gonna be uncle Kev's year?"

Jack seems to ponder it, his brows knitted in the cutest little frown. Then he giggles. "I don't know about that, but it's time for lunch."

Kevin looks up. Madison is leaning against the doorframe, a shy smile playing at her lips. She looks good, lovely - Kevin can't help the rush of primal heat he feels when he looks at her, can guess at her bump underneath her dress. Maybe it's the secrecy; the fact that he sees it because he _knows_ about it, the color in her cheeks just a bit brighter all of a sudden, how she fills up her top a bit more. He _hadn't_ noticed that the day before. He does now. His gaze lingers there longer than it should.

Apparently he's got a pregnancy kink and he's not even half ashamed of it.

Madison clears her throat. His eyes snap back to her face; she's looking at him like he's a kid who's been naughty. Kevin shifts Jack in his arms. "Hey. Madison's here," he adds, makes Jack wave at her.

"Hi. Kate wants us to set the table and put Jack in his high chair."

"Sure," Kevin nods, "I'll do it. You take him." He stands and walks to her, transfers Jack in her arms. "You go with Madison, buddy, you lucky boy."

Jack instantly snuggles up to her. Madison rolls her eyes at Kevin, then tips her chin at the baby phone. "Kevin..."

Kevin shrugs, brushes past her with a grin. Toby calls out to them from the kitchen, asks Kevin to find the good china. "What good china? Do people really still have those?" he asks Madison.

She's settling Jack in his chair with a care that shows she's done it a dozen times. Jack's grabbed a handful of her hair, which makes Madison laugh as she patiently untangles it from his tiny fingers. Kevin becomes sort of fixated on the visual. 

Behind him, he hears Toby chuckle. "Stop staring at her ass. The good plates are over there in that cabinet."

Kevin does a double-take. "I wasn't -"

"You were." Toby hands him a salad bowl. "God, I'm so grateful the two of you didn't have sex in our bed."

Kate brings her hands to her ears. "We're _not_ joking about it yet, Tobs." She gives Kevin a disgusted look, as if the very idea of anyone having sex with him is unimaginable. "Jesus."

"Hey, I take offense to that," he points a finger at his sister. From the corner of his eye he sees the way Madison tightens her cardigan. They talked about this: they need to tell Kate today. But there's no good way to bring it up, no good moment. To Kate and Toby it's still a mishap, an embarrassing mistake no one wants to remember or talk about.

Kevin finishes setting the table while Toby lays the dishes. Madison ends up sitting at his left, and immediately busies herself with cutting Jack's chicken. Kevin wonders how much time she spends here taking care of his nephew. It's like, up until now they've led parallel lives, sometimes intersecting but he has no real idea of what she does and what she loves, what Kate and her laugh about, if it's her perfume or the feel of her skin that comforts Jack so much that he snuggles up to her like she's home. He doesn't know her; but the few things he does know about her, her fierceness, how committed and loyal she is, do not qualify her as a mistake, that much Kevin knows.

He bumps her elbow as he fills her plate; Madison gives him a small smile. "So what's the good china for?" Kevin finally asks, turning to Kate and Toby.

Toby tilts his head to Kate. "We can't make them wait until dessert."

"Can't we, though?" Kate tries, but Toby shakes his head. So does Kevin. "Okay. Well, Toby and I have been thinking a lot about family, lately, with Mom and Jack's birthday and the adoption, obviously. And, uh, you two are the only ones who know about the adoption for now."

"We'll tell my parents once we've gone to the first few appointments, once we know a bit more about it," Toby adds. "Don't want to get them all excited yet."

"Same for Mom," Kate agrees. "In her state I don't think it's a good idea to confuse her some more. We'll just wait until we're in the clear. Anyway. All this talk about family has made us reflect a lot on Jack's first year, and even before that, and how the two of you were there every step of the way." She pauses, looks fondly around the table. When her gaze lands on Madison her eyes are gleaming. "The day you _decided_ that we were best friends has led me to live some of my best days. You were always there even when I was a jerk to you."

"Kate..."

"No, no, I was," Kate interrupts her. "I couldn't stand you in the beginning, and -"

"I hope you're cutting back to the part where you love us soon, Kate," Kevin laughs. Madison rolls her eyes. "What? This is a terrible speech, and I know a thing or two about terrible speeches."

"Kevin?" Toby cocks an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Shut up," Madison concludes for Toby. He gives her a thumb-up.

"Mmmpf," Kevin sighs. "Okay. Go on, Kate."

"Thank you, my lord," Kate glares at him. "Anyway. What I meant was, we've come a long way, Madison, and that's all thanks to you. You're the one who offered me your friendship even when I didn't deserve it. You helped create the wedding of my dreams. You were there every day to support me during the pregnancy. You love Jack and he loves you."

Madison gives a shaky nod. Her chin's wobbling. "I'm not crying in this chicken, it smells delicious."

Kevin laughs, then pats her knee. He doesn't question how natural it's become to reassure her, to touch her like this. At Toby's curious frown, Kevin guesses it's not quite natural for him yet. He takes a bite of the chicken. "It _is_ delicious. Definitely don't cry in it."

Both Madison and Kate laugh. Under the table Madison squeezes his hand.

"And Kevin, we love you, man," Toby continues. "I don't have almost forty years of memories with you but - _still_."

"And that's why we would love for you two to be Jack's godfather and godmother," Kate announces. "There's no one who's been more supportive and present for us and for Jack than the two of you have been."

Madison is out of her chair and crush-hugging Kate's side in half a second, tears rolling down her cheeks in earnest. Kevin stares at Kate and Toby, a bit dazed. " _Wow_. Godfather. I - I'm honored, guys. Really."

Over Madison's shoulder Kate beams at him. "Of course it had to be you, Kev."

Their eyes lock. For so long Kate has been his tether to the world, to sanity. Kevin doesn't remember it but his mom has told them many times how much they soothed each others as toddlers; he does remember hurting when she did, feeling something tighten or explode in his chest whenever Kate was giddy or furious. It was the Big Three but it was _her_ , above all. Kate was his sister, his twin, half of him; he never loved Randall like he loved her. Kevin knows he should feel bad about it - it's _horrible_ , even thinking it, but he can't help it, never has been able to. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love Randall - well, he doesn't _like_ him much right now - but the way he feels about his siblings is just not the same. Maybe he and Randall would get along better now if their parents hadn't tried to force the love so much, and made Kevin feel like...

Kevin shakes his head, blocks the thought out. He's up and going around the table to hug Toby, then Kate. Madison pulls back, a teary, beaming smile on her face. He hugs her too, on impulse. "Godparents, uh?" he murmurs in her hair.

"Please do not take that as an invitation to have sex again," Toby claps him on the back. 

Kevin pulls back, looks at Madison; it's as good a moment as it could ever be.

Madison's eyes are wide with fear.

"Oh, drop it, Toby," Kate chides her husband. "Come on, let's eat, sit down."

Kevin goes back to his seat. Madison stands still. Kate frowns. "I - I just need to fix my mascara," Madison says, brushes her fingers below her eyes. "I'll be right back."

She dashes to the bathroom. Kate's frown creases deeper. "Did you have to be so obnoxious?" she turns to Toby and whispers. "You know she doesn't take teasing very well."

Toby raises his hands in surrender. "I was just trying to make light of it." He turns to Kevin. "I mean, we've got to start laughing about it someday, right?"

"Right. I - I'll go check on her," Kevin says. "Godfather duty."

Kate smiles. "I was thinking more along the lines of you two looking after Jack while we go on a little weekend getaway, but that's a start."

Kevin goes to the bathroom, finds the door half-open. Madison is indeed touching up her make-up, wiping a wet tissue over the black lines running beneath her eyes. "Hey," he says softly, and closes the door behind him.

Madison looks up at him in the mirror. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. "I'm sorry. I'm just - really not good with secrets." She exhales shakily. "We can't tell her, Kevin."

"Why? You can't take Toby seriously, Madison. He's just joking around."

Madison turns to him. "He's only saying what Kate thinks, too. She's gonna be upset. I can't tell her. I don't want her to hate me."

Kevin frowns. " _Hate_ you? Come on, Madison. Kate will _never_ hate you." He reaches for her face, wipes at a remaining mascara streak. "We don't have to tell her today if you don't feel like it. But you don't need to worry about Kate like that, okay?"

Kevin isn't as confident about Kate's reaction as he lets on - he's definitely certain she'll slap him behind the head. It'll come as a shock for sure, but she'd never hate Madison. She'll probably have a few choice words for them, though.

He cups Madison's cheek, slides his fingers in her hair behind her ear. He'd take anything from Kate as long as Madison doesn't get hurt. There's that protectiveness again. Madison's bottom lip trembles.

"I can't lose Kate," Madison admits in a broken whisper. "I just can't."

"You won't," Kevin promises. "She chose you to be Jack's godmother, she _loves_ you. In spite of your terrible taste in men."

Madison's eyes widen; she bursts out laughing. Kevin strokes her hair. "Thank you for that."

Kevin lets go of her, reaches for the doorknob. "It's up to you, Madison. We don't have to tell her now."

Madison wipes at her face, shakes her head, golden locks flying around. "No, you're right. Better to rip the band-aid off right now." She smoothes a hand over her stomach. "At least she'll get another six months to get used to the idea. But maybe we can wait until dessert?"

* * *

The chicken is delicious. Kevin listens absently as Madison starts planning Jack's christening, color theme and cake and matching outfits, Toby's eyes growing wider with every suggestion she makes, Kate has to bump his elbow a couple times.

It's only when Toby gets up to change Jack's diaper that Kevin feels the tension sinking back in his shoulders. Madison keeps spinning her spoon in her tea. Kate looks between the two of them like a mom waiting for her kid to admit to breaking a vase or something. "You two are dating, right?" she says more than asks, with an _if you must_ undertone to her voice. Kevin won't say it but Kate sounds exactly like his mom did when she and his dad gave him the talk about Sophie, although a bit late to the party.

He looks at Madison. He'll follow her lead on that matter.

Madison bites her lip and shakes her head. "Nope. No, we're not," she says, almost laughs. Kevin gets it; they're on the other side of the world from dating. "But, uh...Kate, I'm pregnant."

Kate's eyes snap from Madison to Kevin, then back again. Kevin can see she doesn't _get_ it. "What - what do you mean, you're pregnant?" Kate asks, bewildered. "I mean, I thought - I thought you broke up with that guy, and -" She pauses, waves at Kevin. "You two didn't - you two can't..."

Madison tilts her head to him, subtly dips her chin. Kevin wipes a hand across his face. "It's mine, Kate. Actually, uh, _they_ 're mine."

For the first time in almost forty years, Kevin can't decipher the look Kate gives him then.

* * *

_to be continued_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In retrospect, Madison wouldn't be surprised if that had convinced Kevin, too. She's pretty sure that the five guys who broke up with her would have probably insinuated that they weren't the only potential fathers. Everybody sees her as the frivolous, flighty, no strings attached type, despite the fact that she never reached that stage with the last two guys she dated.
> 
> And yet, Kevin had offered her everything she'd ever yearned for without knowing it - someone believing in her at once, no questions asked. That meant as much as him deciding to go through this with her, maybe even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you yell at me remember this - i want these two to be happy and in love as much as you all do, maybe even more
> 
> that said, enjoy!

The last time Madison felt like time had gone this slow, she'd just peed on a stick and was waiting for the result to change her life forever. The silence that follows hers and Kevin's announcement, coupled with Kate's stunned gaze, awfully reminds her of it.

It's the second time she's done this. She'd been seventeen when her period first stopped, Madison had panicked instantly and gone to her sister in tears. She'd been _certain_ that she was pregnant. She'd been terrified - not so much of the idea of having a baby but mostly of telling her boyfriend. Evan was going to college with a full-ride swimming scholarship, there was just no way he would stay home and raise a baby with her, and she wasn't ready to lose him. She loved him. Evan was nice and handsome and smart, Madison still couldn't believe her luck that he was with her.

Her sister had gone to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test for her; when it came back negative, but her period still didn't come, Lauren had started worrying and had told their mother. Madison still shudders at the memory - her mother's cold anger and disappointed look, how she'd launched into a tirade about responsibility and ruining her future and prospects. She'd dragged her to her doctor and asked for a blood test, _told_ her she was getting an abortion and that she wasn't allowed to see Evan ever again.

When that came back negative, too, their family doctor had pushed his glasses up his nose and looked at Madison from head to toe, frowning. Madison remembers his exact words - _cry for attention, pretty girl like you, you could run for Miss Santa Monica, life's easy for you, don't make it so hard, Maddie_. Her mother had lamented her lack of discipline for eating too many carbs and then making herself sick. Back at home her father had called for a family emergency meeting, making everyone sit around the table and try and figure out what was wrong with her. Years later Madison wants to believe he meant well; but reminiscing that day, the shame she'd felt upon hearing Lauren say that she was too shallow and obsessed with her looks, or her brother shaking his head with that look that said _what's Maddie done again?_ , Madison's not sure that it was such a good idea. That appointment at the doctor's had changed the way her family looked at her, even to this day. Her parents had paid for therapy, summer camp for troubled teens, for anything and anyone who could _fix_ her. Her brother and sister had become ill-at-ease around her; over the years she and Lauren had gone from being super close to almost strangers.

Her period had become irregular, then stopped completely after a while. At twenty-five she was told that she'd never have children. She'd never told anyone.

Madison can't help the shiver that runs down her spine. She's been operating under the impression that something is fundamentally wrong with her for so long, she's afraid she's living this on borrowed time. She knows the list of risks by heart by now: miscarriage, premature birth, delivery by C-section, low weight, birth defects, postpartum depression. Even if she manages to carry these babies to term, who knows all the things that could still go wrong? How is _she_ supposed to care for them when all her life people have told her that she's too much to handle, that she's overwhelming? How does one love without smothering? She still hasn't found the perfect podcast to teach her that.

She feels Kevin's gaze on her. Kevin reaches behind her in that moment, rests his arm on the back of her chair. Comforting warmth spreads through Madison at the sheer solidness of him. "Madison and I have decided to keep the babies." He says _Madison and I_ like it's the norm, not the oddity. Madison's not sure anyone has ever said that - even in past relationships she's always felt like it was a _him versus her_ situation, never two people on the same side. "It's twins, Kate. Like us."

Kate blinks at him. " _Twins_?" She looks at them like _that's_ the confirmation she needed to know this isn't some sort of joke.

In retrospect, Madison wouldn't be surprised if that had convinced Kevin, too. She's pretty sure that the five guys who broke up with her would have probably insinuated that they weren't the only potential fathers. Everybody sees her as the frivolous, flighty, no strings attached type, despite the fact that she never reached that stage with the last two guys she dated.

And yet, Kevin had offered her everything she'd ever yearned for without knowing it - someone believing in her at once, no questions asked. That meant as much as him deciding to go through this with her, maybe even more.

Kate looks at her brother with an air of soft exasperation. "Jesus, you really had to go Pearson all the way here." She turns to Madison. "You do realize he's six feet two, right?"

Madison frowns. This isn't the response she imagined from Kate, she feels a bit dizzy from the emotional whiplash; Madison still expects Kate to yell or something. She tilts her head to look at Kevin. "Mmh, yes?"

"That means that mini-Kevins are gonna be big," Kate explains like they're a bit dumb for not getting it by themselves. "Like, _huge_. How are you going to pop those out?"

"I thought size didn't matter?" Toby says as he reappears with Jack in his arms. He takes the three of them in, Kate's wrinkled nose and Kevin's wide eyes, Madison's pink cheeks. "What are we talking about?"

Madison's still gasping at Kate's phrasing. Kate waves vaguely at the two of them. "This one put two babies in that one," she says, still sounding bewildered and incredulous. She doesn't sound mad, though, and that reassures Madison so much she could cry. She feels like letting out the breath she's been holding for weeks, the knot in her chest every time she's seen Kate starting to loosen.

"Really?" Kevin says. " _This one put two babies in that one_. Is that the stance we're all gonna take on this, Kate?" he rolls his eyes.

Madison's caught between laughing and crying. She hadn't imagined this conversation going like this. Toby looks _green_. "You two are...making babies together?" he says it like he's trying to pronounce words in a foreign language. Madison can't blame him - the idea of her and Kevin together still sounds foreign to her own ears, and they're not exactly _together_ together. "What's our take on this?" he asks, turning to Kate. "One-word answer."

Madison focuses her attention on Kate again. She doesn't _look_ mad, either, mostly confused. "Shocked," Kate starts, "but also confused, and moved? I think we're happy about this?" She reaches for Madison's hand. "You're happy about this, aren't you?" she asks softly.

Madison squeezes her fingers back. It means the world to her, Kate reaching out to her, not rejecting her. "Yeah, I am," she murmurs. "Very happy."

Kevin reaches for their joined hands, squeezes them. "We're _both_ very happy."

Kate glares at him. "This is clearly a best friend moment. Keep your hands to yourself." She shakes his hand off, and turns to Toby. "Don't even try making a joke."

"But it's _right_ _there_ ," Toby pleads. He still looks jumpy, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Even Jack seems to feel the confusion in the air, his brow furrowed. "Babies," Toby echoes. "Wow."

"Wow indeed," Kevin agrees. He reaches for Madison's hand again; this time Kate reluctantly agrees and pulls her own away. With his arm around her and his fingers squeezing hers, he's _all over_ _her_. Madison would chide him for being so snuggly in front of Kate - but it seems to be in Kevin's nature to wear his heart on his sleeve, his happiness shining through, and the truth is, it suits him. Kevin looks like a _dad_ already. He won't let anything or anyone take this away from him.

For a man who told her he was always the first to cut and run, today of all days Madison finds it so easy to believe he's all in. And perhaps she can let herself be, too. So Madison turns her palm, lets their fingers lace together. Whatever happens - her children will grow up with a father who loves them unconditionally.

_And_ an aunt who only _slightly_ shudders at the sight of them holding hands.

Kate clears her throat. "I guess congratulations are in order, then?" she says, still sounding stunned but genuine. "I wish we had more than fruit salad and tea to celebrate."

"I'm not sure I can eat anything," Toby says. The last time Madison has seen him this pale, it was at the hospital when Jack was born.

Kevin makes grabby hands for Jack. "Gimme my nephew before you pass out, man. I'm the one having twins, not you. You still only have _one_ little butt to wipe."

Toby laughs nervously before he goes to the kitchen to prepare dessert. Kate tucks her chin on top of her hands and stares at them. "I can't believe you guys are expecting," she repeats. "Are you going to tell Mom?"

Madison turns to Kevin. Beyond Kate they haven't talked about telling anyone else - and she isn't _anywhere_ near ready for that conversation with her own family. She knows that their mother moving to St. Louis is a sore spot for Kevin; she can't imagine how hard it must be for him, to face fatherhood without his dad or his mom at his side. At least Kate had Rebecca. Madison even finds herself wishing she could be there when he tells her - she doesn't know Rebecca much, but she likes Miguel. She has a soft spot for Kevin's step-father ever since the hospital; he's shown her kindness and helped her navigate the intricacies of what it means to be an outsider from the Pearson clan.

She's got one foot in, now - Madison wishes she could thank him.

Kevin brushes Jack's hair off his forehead, then looks up at Kate. "Madison and I haven't discussed it yet, but yeah, I want to tell her. Because she's far away doesn't mean she can't be a part of this." His eyes find hers. "This isn't something I want to tell her over the phone."

Madison nods. "Of course. If you want to go see her you should."

Kevin tilts his head to the side, and Jack mirrors him on instinct. The sight does something to Madison's heartstrings. "Will you come with me?" Kevin asks, so soft. "I wish I could tell uncle Nicky in person, too. Maybe make a trip out of it? St. Louis isn't that far from Bradford."

Madison bites at the inside of her cheek. Neither her nausea nor her messy hormones have lessened with the end of her first trimester - she feels like crying. "I'm booked until the first week of May with the luncheon I'm organizing, but...I could take a week off after that," she nods her head. Madison strokes her belly. In another month she'll be showing for real, there'll be no mistaking the reason anymore. "I'll probably need to book two seats," she laughs.

Kate stands and goes around the table to her. "I haven't looked at you properly," she says as she reaches for her elbows and all but makes her stand. Madison grips her hands. Kate's lips curve into a genuine smile. "You look great, Madison. And I'll go buy bigger jeans with you and help you get your mama style on like you did for me."

Madison feels her bottom lip quiver. She wraps her arms around Kate's neck on impulse, hiding her tears. "I'm so glad you're going to be my kids' aunt," she murmurs.

Kate rubs her back gently and squeezes her tight. "I'm happy if you're happy. And if you need me to, I'll kick Kev's ass for you."

" _Hey_ ," Kevin calls out, outraged. "I can hear you!"

"And you should feel thankful I haven't kicked your ass for sleeping with my best friend already," Kate tells him over Madison's shoulder. Kate lets go of her. "Seriously. If he's being dumb, tell me."

Madison laughs, then turns guiltily to Kevin. "I'll remember that, but...I _sort_ of share the fault for sleeping with him, too." She puts both her hands on her belly. "You can't kick my ass, I'm pregnant!"

"And I'm holding Jack," Kevin hides behind his nephew.

"Don't use my son as a shield," Toby groans as he puts the salad bowl down and dessert plates. He retrieves Jack from Kevin's arms and puts him in his high chair. "Tea's brewing for you guys. Kev, coffee?"

Kevin shakes his head. His arm is back behind Madison's chair as she sits back. "No, tea's fine."

Kate cocks an eyebrow at him. "You drink tea now? Are you back on your kale diet too?"

Kevin looks down at himself. "You think I should?"

He's effortlessly handsome, Madison reckons as she takes him in - there's a reason why his face and body are on billboards after all. And Madison's seen the body underneath these clothes up close - she _knows_ for a fact that the photographer didn't need to edit his pictures much. Even dressed in a simple blue tee and jeans, he looks _delicious_ , it's unfair. Does he go to the gym? Madison bets he does - you don't get abs like his at almost forty without training. Madison remembers how rock-hard they'd felt beneath her touch.

She bites at the inside of her cheek again.

"Aw, come on, Kev," Kate laughs. "You know you're pretty. Even Tobs wants to buy your cologne now."

Toby comes back with a tray, kettle and tea cups and honey. "I told you that in confidence," he whines to Kate. "You're a really attractive man and I'm not ashamed to admit it," he adds for Kevin. "But I'll love you even more when you start putting on daddy weight."

Madison laughs. Even without his abs Kevin would still be the hottest man she's ever known, and his abs _aren't_ even on her personal top three things she likes most about Kevin Pearson's body. It's his movie star smile that wins it all, even if she favors the one he wore upon seeing their babies on the monitor screen for the first time better now. She loves his eyes; how dark they got that night, how they gleam when he looks at baby Jack. And God, his hands - Kevin's got such big hands, soft but surprisingly calloused at the same time for someone whose career makes it so he has like five people taking care of his hair and nails and spraying water on him when it's too hot on set.

His abs are great, though.

Kate raises her tea cup. "To Jack's amazing godparents, and to the next generation of Pearson twins!"

* * *

After dessert Kate sends Toby and Kevin to the garage to work on Toby's studio project. Madison sends a _help me_ look to Kevin, who gives her a grin and a reassuring squeeze to her hand before disappearing.

Madison takes Jack in her arms and balances him on her hip. "Come and protect your godmother, Jack," she whispers in his hair as she kisses the top of his head.

"I'm not going to yell," Kate tells her as she carries the tea tray to the coffee table and settles on the couch. She pats the spot next to her. "I still need a minute to wrap my head around the whole thing, but I'm not mad." Madison cautiously comes closer. Kate's eyes never leave hers. "Oh come on, Madison. I'm not gonna bite you. Sit down."

Madison fluffs up the throw pillows and takes a seat; Jack instantly yawns and cuddles closer. With his head nestled in her chest and his body wrapped around her belly, her bump is that much more obvious. "I wanted to tell you so many times, Kate," Madison starts.

Kate nods. "I get why you didn't. But let's not talk about Kevin, or you sleeping with my brother, okay?" Kate pleads. "Tell me how you're doing. How do you feel about this?" she asks, tipping her chin towards Madison's belly.

Madison sifts her fingers in Jack's soft hair. She still can't believe that in a few months she'll get to do that to her own babies. She'd written off the possibility so many years ago. Even after her period started again Madison has never allowed herself to believe it could happen someday; she's never been in a relationship where she could imagine herself starting a family, let alone in a good enough mental place to think she could.

She's still not sure she's got everything she needs to be a good mother - but she trusts that Kevin and Kate will be there to raise her up. To some extent she hopes that someday she'll be in a good enough place to share that with her family, and that they will come through, even if Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for the past fifteen years have been impersonal at best, lonely in a crowded room with people who've become strangers as much as she is strange to them. Madison wishes she could go back to a time when her mother dressed Lauren and her the same, or when Christopher pretended to grumble for a minute before he let her climb in his bed when there was a thunderstorm. She wishes she could have gone to her father and cried in his arms every time a boy dumped her, have him stroke her hair and tell her all these boys were idiots because his girl was the best. Madison wishes she could be certain, deep in her bones, that her parents and brother and sister will be happy about this. That her mother won't wrinkle her nose at the idea of her getting pregnant without even being in a relationship; she can already picture Christopher subtly shaking his head.

Madison tightens her hold on Jack. "I want to show the universe I believe in this," she admits in a whisper. "I really do. I want these babies more than anything." She chews at her lip nervously. "But I don't know how to do this, Kate. I don't. I don't want to keep Kevin from living his life, but I don't want him to go either." Madison shrugs. "I know that sounds selfish, I can hear it, but - I never expected this to happen, and I just want the real deal, you know? I want the babies to be okay and healthy and I want Kevin to be in their lives and I just want things to be easy for once. I just want everything to be all right."

Kate reaches for her knee and pats it. "I don't see how that's selfish."

Madison's eyes start to sting. "I'm sure you wanted more for Kevin."

"Who cares what I want?" Kate protests, so vehement Madison is reminded of Kevin. _This doesn't belong to Kate_. Still, Kate _is_ her best friend. "I love him, _and_ I love you. And Kevin's got a habit of falling for my best friend anyway, you're lucky I don't have any other best friend." Kate wipes at Madison's cheek with her thumb. "And I want more for you, too. I'm not taking sides here."

"I thought you said you always ended up taking someone's side."

Kate smiles. "Someone very wise told me I didn't have to."

Madison shakes her head. "I don't know if -"

"Stop right there," Kate raises her hand. "I don't want to hear you say you don't know or you can't do this or that. When has that ever stopped you before?" Kate asks with a frown. "Madison, you _decided_ we were best friends. You never took any shit from me. You've got the biggest heart I know, aside from Kevin, actually. You can get anything you set your mind to."

Kate stares at her with such intensity, Madison realizes that the first generation of Pearson twins are a force to be reckoned with. Everything they do, they do fiercely. Even when they're _wrong_. Madison is nothing like the person Kate's picturing: there are so many things she let slip between her fingers because she wasn't good enough, so many people she let persuade her that she was the reason why everything always fell apart. She's the one who almost ruined her friendship with Kate because she yearned so much for affection and intimacy she went looking for it in the one person who was so out of her depth the universe had never even left them alone in the same room before.

"I'm going to break twin code for just a minute," Kate goes on, "and tell you something that I shouldn't about Kevin. And then we're gonna stop talking about him and focus on you and your needs and how I can help you, okay?" Kate insists. "Kevin has a heart of gold, okay? But he's a mess. We're all a mess. But Kevin...I've seen him jump from one relationship to the other, always putting all of his heart in everything he does, wanting to take care of everyone. He'll see the best in people, always, and he'll try nurturing it, helping them fix their problems, even if that exhausts him. I've seen him do it with people who deserved it, like our uncle Nicky, and I've seen him fall head over heels over the idea of a woman he'd made in his own head." Kate shakes her head. "I haven't been analyzing him since we were kids, I swear. But I've _never_ seen him act the way he did today. He's looking to you to make the best decisions for you. He's asking you what you want instead of throwing a big gesture. He's acting _normal_. And I think a bit of normal is exactly what the two of you need."

Kate reaches for the tea tray and refills her cup; Madison is still trying to process everything she just said. "There's _nothing_ normal with what's happening here, Kate."

"No," Kate agrees. "But being afraid and excited at the same time? Worrying about the future? _That's_ normal. And you can trust Kevin when he says he'll be there. I know him. He's better at taking care of others than he is at taking care of himself. He's so much like our dad about that." Kate pauses, considers Madison for a moment. "You talk like Kevin's stuck with you or something. But he's choosing to do this with you, right? Don't count him out yet."

Madison makes a mental note to introduce Kate to Dr. Mason; they're clearly listening to the same podcasts. Jack starts snoring on her chest. "You Pearsons are pretty great at speeches. Thank you."

Kate reaches for her. Their embrace is awkward, what with Kate trying not to crush Jack between them, but Madison doesn't care. "That's what family is for," Kate says.

They've been family for a long time, Madison realizes, long before Kevin put two babies in her like Kate phrased it. They might not be blood but Kate and Jack, and even Toby, even if he still rolls his eyes whenever she gets too loud, are the people Madison most cares about. She'd been dead serious when she'd offered Kate to help her raise Jack if Toby was too much of an idiot.

It's nothing short of another miracle to hear Kate reciprocate the feeling.

"Talking about family..." Kate prompts. "Are you going to tell yours?"

The sigh Madison lets out fans over Jack's hair. "I'm really not sure that's a good idea. Not yet anyway. There's...I think it's best if I focus on figuring things out with Kevin for now. How we're gonna do this, before I tell my parents."

Kate nods in agreement. "What do you want to do? I know Kevin, he'll do what you want."

Madison knows - or at least, she's starting to know it, for real, just how serious Kevin is. How genuine he is when he says that he's there, that he cares. It's terrifying. Madison is trying so hard to be cautiously hopeful about all of this, and Kevin showers her with so much support and attention, she wants to let the selfish part of her enjoy it, even ask for more. More of him coming by her house for tea, just to talk like they did that day at Kate's house, on this very couch; more of getting to know him, the real Kevin Pearson, not the movie star, not Kate's brother, not even as her children's father. Not only, at least. It'd be so easy to call him for a midnight run at the 24/7 grocery store, to have him over for any little reason possible, she knows Kevin would do it, not only out of duty but because he's a genuinely good man.

Madison can't do that. She can't hold him back because it'd be easy and nice and good to have someone who's there for her.

She tucks her hair behind her ear, scratches at her neck. She can't just speak it out loud, her heart's desire for completion and purpose and love against all hope. Madison shrugs. "I want what's best for the babies," she evades.

Kate can see through her bullshit, Madison's sure of it, but she doesn't push it. Instead she just stares at Madison's belly with widening eyes. "I think I need more than a minute to get used to this," she waves at her. "When's your due date?"

"Mid-October. I'm really hoping to carry them at least until mid-September." Madison strokes her hand down Jack's back. She doesn't know if it's his scent or his comforting weight, but it's the first meal she's been able to swallow down in a while without feeling sick right after, Madison won't ever give him back to Kate if he can just fix her nausea. Actually, looking after Jack would be good practice, she should suggest it to Kate. "My doctor says everything's fine so far."

"Take that, universe," Kate punches the air.

Madison can't help laughing, it makes Jack stir in her arms. A few soothing words and he's back to snoring. "I really need the universe on my side on this one."

Kate shakes her head. "You don't need the universe. You've got Kev, and you've got me. And my mom is gonna be so pumped about another grandbaby, and just you wait until Randall and Kevin stop being idiots because the girls are gonna go crazy over another baby, they'll go twice as crazy when you tell them there's two of them. Screw the universe, really. You've got this."

Madison sighs heavily, wipes at her eyes with her free hand. "You can't make me cry like this, Kate. It's unfair, I can't help it."

Kate squeezes her knee again. "My best friend is carrying my brother's babies. This is the stuff from romcoms. I _love_ romcoms. Let me be cheesy."

Madison loves romcoms, too. There's a reason why _Notting Hill_ is her favorite movie. There's something that rings true and so close to home about that line Julia Roberts has, about being just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her, it's Madison's entire life story. And maybe she hasn't found that boy yet, and maybe there's no boy who will love her like people in romcoms love each other, with the kind of love that never fades, only grows stronger with every day, every look and every brush of hands and every kiss. And maybe that's okay. It doesn't mean that Madison doesn't believe in it anymore; but in a few months' time she's going to be a mother, she _is_ , and _that's_ a love that never fades, only grows stronger with every day, every time her babies will laugh or smile or giggle, even when they'll cry and keep her awake at night, even when she'll hate the extra weight on her hips, or groan about the way the wire in her bra cuts in her breasts. Even when it's going to be painful and hard and overwhelming, even when she'll say she should have never done this, her babies will be her happy ending.

And she's got Kate. And she's got Kevin, in a way she can't explain or describe yet. But she's got him, and they share this, this desire to be parents, to see their children as the love of their lives. It's as good a start as any. It's not your typical romcom, but Madison's seen weirder ones. And if romance isn't in the cards for her, then at least she and Kevin can be friends. She'd like that. It seems like a requirement, befriending the father of your children. Luckily for her, Kevin's not half bad.

Kevin emerges from the garage in that moment. He's a movie star, after all; of course he gets there on perfect cue. He stops and stares at them for a moment. "Am I interrupting something?" he asks. "Is it safe over here?"

Kate rolls her eyes. "Remember when I said you were funny? You just tuned it, like, thirty-one percent down."

"Still means I'm sixty-nine percent funny. Haven't gotten such a high grade since fifth grade," he grins cockily.

"It's cute that you think you were a hundred percent funny to begin with," Madison teases him, then clasps her free hand over her mouth. She doesn't know where that came from.

Well, maybe it came from that one time he was a real dick to her at the hospital. And she's pregnant. She's allowed a little leeway.

"Oh, okay, I see what's going on there," Kevin laughs. "You two are bonding over abusing me. Go ahead. I wore a diaper on national television, nothing you say can hurt me."

"Kev? You didn't even look half-good in a diaper."

Kevin presses his lips in a thin line. "I was just looking for the measuring tape." He crosses his arms over his chest and leans his shoulder against the door. "So are we good here?" he asks cautiously.

He and Kate lock eyes. Madison finds it fascinating, how they communicate like this without words. She's not well versed in their twin language, but Kate doesn't seem to be threatening Kevin to kick him anymore, so they're probably good. Madison feels relieved and grateful that things went that well. "We're good," Madison reassures him. "How are you boys doing out there?"

"We're working on soundproofing the garage. Toby's still a little pale." Kevin shakes his head. "He's making jokes about my super sperm, I had to get out of there."

Kate chokes on her tea. Madison feels her cheeks burning. "I'm gonna talk to him," Kate says as she stands. She kisses Jack's brow before disappearing to the garage.

Kevin takes her place, wrapping the throw blanket over Madison and Jack. His fingers linger at her side, near her belly. "You okay?" he asks again, softer.

His eyes keep dropping to her belly. The man is obsessed, Madison swears. She wishes the babies were moving already - Kevin will go nuts when they start kicking and he can feel them. Madison wants that for him - the excitement, feeling a connection to the twins. It can't be easy for him, worrying over them without being able to do anything about it; to her they feel so very real, a permanent presence. "I'm good," Madison says, and she _means_ it. "This went far better than I expected."

Kevin nods. "Told you. Sometimes you need to let people surprise you. I think Kate's really happy. It'll be nice for Jack to have cousins his age."

"Yeah, because that's definitely our take on this," Madison chuckles. " _We did it for Jack._ "

Kevin relaxes, draping his arm over the back of the couch. "We did it because you tried to make me eat beet salad and I had to find a way to distract you," he embellishes a gag. "I mean, fried beet chips with homemade guacamole, why not? But beet salad? That's just nasty."

Madison glares at him. "Please never tell our children the story of how they were conceived. _I had sex with your mom because she's a terrible cook_ isn't the story I want to read them before bed."

Kevin laughs, the jerk. "It's not so much that you're a terrible cook," he starts, "but beet salad is just not the kind of food you serve to..." He tilts his head to the side. "I don't know, get it on."

"I wasn't trying to get it on!" Madison protests. "I was telling you about how I'd gotten dumped! I was pouring my heart to you when you kissed me!"

Madison presses her lips tight. The memory of kissing Kevin is still very vivid in her brain, taking a little trip down memory lane is the best way to end up doing it again. Definitely not a good idea. Kevin's gaze dropping to her mouth doesn't help, either.

If she thought that vulnerable Kevin was hot, he's got nothing on that version of him, brown eyes darkening as they meet hers again.

* * *

_to be continued_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin  
> 7.05pm  
> You still at the office?
> 
> Madison  
> 7.06pm  
> Yep :/
> 
> Kevin  
> 7.06pm  
> Alone?
> 
> Madison  
> 7.07pm  
> What are you gonna ask next? What I'm wearing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the show has a history of arcs in multi-eps, so here is the journey to saint louis: part 1
> 
> hope you enjoy!

_Kevin_

_4.45pm_

_What time do you get off? Dinner's on me tonight. ;)_

Madison sighs as she read her texts. She's not hungry per say, but she feels _snacky_ and she's out of granola bars. She knows that Lisa keeps a not-so-secret stash of M&Ms and cookies in her top drawer, but Lisa's not here and Madison doesn't exactly trust herself with a drawer full of sugar. Her eyes flicker to her laptop screen and the half-dozen e-mails she's gotten in the last fifteen minutes; dinner suddenly seems far away.

_Madison_

_4.47pm_

_Can't tonight :/ luncheon's tomorrow and I still have a lot to do_

She wishes she could let herself be wined and dined, or at least taken care of by Kevin, but the O'Donnell business luncheon is the biggest event she's organized in a while and Madison can't let anything go awry. Business professionals come with expectations she has to address with finesse and high-class; the budget she was given to work with for flower arrangements, centerpieces, and decorations only, rivals that of a wedding. She had to go through five caterers before finding one that satisfied her client. Last-minute fix-ups with the venue and dining room come as a package deal.

Madison spends the next two hours on the phone, making sure that everything is ready and going according to plan. She's debating dropping by the venue for last-minute check-ups - which she'll do again tomorrow morning anyway - when her phone beeps again.

_Kevin_

_7.05pm_

_You still at the office?_

_Madison_

_7.06pm_

_Yep :/_

_Kevin_

_7.06pm_

_Alone?_

_Madison_

_7.07pm_

_What are you gonna ask next? What I'm wearing?_

_Kevin_

_7.08pm_

_Pink top with the sleeves that fall on the shoulders - looks great on you btw_

Madison's head snaps to the bay window. She spots Kevin's car easily; he waves at her. She beckons him in and meets him by the front desk. "Hey, stalker."

Kevin looks only semi-sheepish as he brandishes a paper bag. "Couldn't let my baby mama go hungry," he defends himself.

Madison sniffs the air avidly. "What's that? Lasagna?"

He nods. "Kate told me you liked veggie lasagna, so I tried a thing." He looks around. "I hope you guys have a microwave or something here?"

Madison can't help smiling. Her heart is doing that butter-melting-on-hot-toast thing, she doesn't know what she craves more: kissing Kevin or devouring the lasagna. "You made it yourself?" she asks, impressed. She didn't expect movie star Kevin Pearson to cook himself. He probably has a nutritionist taking care of his hotshot diet and a personal chef. 

Kevin cocks his head to the side. "I never made lasagna before, but it smells good, so I hope it _tastes_ good too. It's a tomato, zucchini and eggplant mash-up, I hope you like it."

Madison reaches for his elbow and squeezes. "That's very sweet, Kevin." She rises on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek on impulse. "You're spoiling me."

Kevin shrugs. "You're easy to be sweet on," he says softly. There's a definite rosy hue to his cheeks. "Show me around?" he asks with a wave.

There's not much to show, but Madison gives him the grand tour: offices, conference room, the huge mood board in her office. Kevin looks fascinated as she tells him about the luncheon's color and flower theme, the intricacies of the research she did to organize it. Most people think it's easy to throw a party, it shouldn't be a career; but Kevin listens and nods and asks questions like he finds it interesting. "I really need to finish up on some e-mails before dinner," Madison apologizes.

"No problem. I'll re-heat the lasagna while you do that."

Madison watches him go to the kitchen like he owns the place. She wonders how her coworkers would have reacted if they were still here. Lisa would have definitely asked for his autograph; Amber would have hit on him; her boss probably would have asked why she'd been keeping it a secret that she knew hotshot Kevin Pearson. Madison told them she was pregnant last week and though no one asked who the father was or dug too deep into why she'd never talked about a boyfriend before, she's pretty sure that Lisa would faint if she knew. Madison's still pretty impressed with her for not pushing to know all the details; Lisa has set her up twice and vowed to find her a good guy.

People _will_ find out at some point, it's unrealistic to believe otherwise. Someone will spot Kevin at a baby store or something, and the press will go wild about it. They need to talk about it, how they want to tell people, how Kevin wants to handle it with the press so they can control the way it comes out - but Madison's been all too happy that Kevin hasn't pushed her about announcements and telling her family, instead focusing on planning their trip to St. Louis and Bradford, Madison doesn't want to bring it up. If it were up to her she'd just make a post on Instagram about it, and if her family wants to reach out, that's great; if they don't, then that's it. Madison doesn't see herself driving to Santa Monica to tell her mother that her youngest, unmarried daughter is expecting twins with a man she isn't even dating.

Talk about press headlines - _actor Kevin Pearson and stranger are having babies, page two_.

Kevin comes back with two plates as she finishes up on an e-mail for the caterer, that he sets on the edge of her desk. It smells _divine_. "Remember, it's my first time, be nice," he pleads.

Madison cocks an eyebrow at him. "After _that thing_ you did to me? I don't believe it," she shakes her head.

Kevin's eyes widen. "Were you always this cheeky or is it the pregnancy?" he asks, amused and a little dazed.

Madison shrugs one shoulder. "I don't know. I definitely wasn't that _flexible_ before though. Didn't know my leg could stretch like that," she rambles, blushing as she remembers how easily Kevin had lifted her leg over his shoulder. "Well, it _can't_ anymore, I already have a hard time tying the laces on my sneakers."

Kevin sits opposite her and wipes a hand across his brow. "Maybe don't mention that detail to my mom when you see her?" he pleads. "I don't want her to think her little boy is _depraved_."

"We wouldn't want that," Madison laughs, then takes a bite of lasagna. Her laugh turns into a moan. " _Jesus_ , Kevin...this? This is sinful." She swallows down another bite in no time. "If that's depravity I'm all for it."

Kevin grins at her, proud. " _That_ you can tell my mom. Tell her I'm a great cook and a provider. Don't tell her about my sex moves."

Madison shakes her head. "Yeah, no, I tried with Kate and she went _livid_ , so -"

Kevin freezes, fork halfway to his mouth. "You told Kate?" He stares at her like she said something awful. "Oh God."

"What?" Madison asks. Did he really expect her not to? "She's my best friend! And it's not every day something like that happens. I mean, that thing you did with -" Kevin looks as pale as Kate did. "Well, I'm pretty sure that's the moment I got pregnant," Madison shrugs.

Kevin's eyes drop to her belly. Even with the way her top ruffles she's gained a bra cup size and her bump is obvious, the elastic band of her pregnancy jeans stretching across it. Madison sort of agrees with Toby's super sperm theory; three orgasms - or _four_ , Kevin's made her doubt the number - and the whole upside down thing and it was a done deal.

"About that..." Kevin starts, sounding nervous all of a sudden, it makes Madison tick. "I might not be able to attend our next doctor's appointment."

The way he says _our_ appointment makes her melt inside again. She definitely needs to ask Dr. Mason if this is all normal, how everything Kevin says or does makes her want to curl up to him and purr like a cat. Madison is a bit disappointed, though - it's the appointment where they'll probably learn the gender of the babies. "That's okay," she says anyway. "You don't have to be there all the time, I get that you're busy too."

Kevin lets out a sigh. He looks torn. "I got a call last week for a movie," he confesses. "I went to the audition and they called me back this morning. The role is mine if I want it."

Madison almost makes her plate tumble down to the floor as she leaps out of her desk chair. "That's amazing, Kevin!" she congratulates him as she wraps her arms around his neck. With him sitting it's the first time she's taller than him; Madison does realize in that instant that she's also basically pushing her chest up his face. "Sorry," she babbles as she pulls away. "That's great news!"

Kevin nods. "Yeah, the script was amazing and I really liked it. Shooting starts here in L.A. three days after we get back from Bradford."

He still doesn't look as happy as Madison feels he should. "I'm sensing a _but_ ," she prompts.

Kevin scratches at his neck. "It's gonna be long hours, and I really don't want to miss appointments or...I don't know, I want to be available if you need me. And..." He bites at his lip. "There's a two-week long shooting in Atlanta in June. I'm not comfortable being away that long."

Madison stares at him. It feels like she's seeing him for the first time, torn and unsure and worried, so far away from the image of self-confidence he usually projects. She's seen him vulnerable before, but not like that - not out of misplaced guilt. She reaches for his hand and watches his eyes go wide again when she places it atop her belly. Madison puts both hands on top of his. "They're still both here, okay? And they're healthy. You can't put your career on hold because you worry. They'll still be here when you come back."

Kevin leans his forehead against the back of her palms; he looks like he's praying at her altar. "My dad would have never left my mom for so long when she was pregnant," he says in a whisper.

Madison would roll her eyes if he didn't look so small of a sudden, giant of a man hell bent on carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. The myth of Jack Pearson is impossible to live up to - and Madison doesn't fully understand why Kevin pushes himself so hard to be like his father. He's such a good man already. She doesn't want him to stretch himself so thin he'll worry himself sick over her and the babies, or worse, go back to drinking. "And I'm sure your dad would have never crossed your mom when she told him to do something for her," Madison says softly, sifting her fingers through his hair. "So do this for me. Go make that movie. Do you know how much it costs to send two kids to Stanford? You better get to work already."

Kevin looks up to her, a faint smile in his eyes. "Yes, ma'am." He strokes his hand over her belly tentatively. "Filming will take from mid-May through the first two weeks of August. I had to tell them that due to personal reasons I'd be unable to shoot after that."

Madison tilts her head. "And what did they say?"

"Well, they still want me for the role so they agreed. But if you're not one hundred percent sure -"

"Kevin," Madison interrupts him. "I won't be alone, okay? Kate is here, and you'll only be gone for two weeks. I'm not gonna go into labor in the middle of June. Besides, this is Hollywood, right? You can just borrow an helicopter from set and fly to the nearest hospital if needed. _That_ would be a great story to tell the kids someday."

Kevin laughs. Madison flops back in her chair and bites into her lasagna avidly. "There _is_ an helicopter scene."

"See? Problem solved," Madison says around a mouthful. "Tell me about the movie."

Kevin still looks like he has doubts, but Madison narrows her eyes at him and he nods like a good boy. "Right, so I'm this rogue ex-cop -"

"Like a vigilante?" Madison interrupts. She loves vigilante shows. "With a mask?"

Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. She can feel him judging her for being a vigilante enthusiast. "A mask? Nope. I'm too old for these superhero movies."

"Nah, I could see it," Madison says, framing her fingers around his face. "A mask and a leather costume, something green..."

"Why green?"

"You said you love green," Madison shrugs. And he'd look good in anything.

Kevin gives her a weird look. "Anyway," he goes on, "the guy gets called in during this lockdown situation where there's a prison break, and I get teamed-up with this badass lady who manages the situation, and -"

"You kiss her heatedly in the midst of a battle scene?" Madison suggests.

"Do you really think I'm that easy?" Kevin asks in faux-hurt. "There's no kissing! No romance! Just a lot of gunshots and testosterone. I'm gonna need to step up my abs game and work on those biceps. It'd really help if you'd just sit up on my back while I do push-ups," he winks at her.

This time Madison does roll her eyes. "I'm not crushing your back. If you want to work on your arms you can just repaint the guestroom." She bites at her lip. They haven't settled on the living arrangements and custody yet, but Madison has been under the impression that they both agreed to live together while the babies were young - and she loves her house, doesn't feel like packing up and living at Kevin's place when he's always jumping around the country and her house is the only home she's known since moving out of Santa Monica.

Kevin's lips curl in a smile so bright Madison feels like she handed him the moon. "As you wish."

She's so fond of this man she barely knows, it's ridiculous. "You really love _The Princess Bride_ , uh?"

Kevin nods his head; silently pushes some of his lasagna into her plate. Madison will probably regret it once the nausea comes but she's famished right now and hadn't even realized she'd emptied her plate. "I was thinking of asking Miguel some advice. He was always around the house helping my mom after - I think it'd be nice, involving him in this. God knows I haven't always been welcoming to him, and he's always been great with the kids, he's gonna love it." Kevin pauses. "I may or may have not been looking at videos on how to build your own crib and stuff like that. Do you know how cute these little beds that look like tree houses are?"

Madison clenches her fingers around the edge of her chair. Fatherhood looks very, _very_ hot on Kevin. If she didn't have tomato sauce smeared all over her mouth she'd probably throw herself at him and beg him to have his way with her on her desk - which, again, isn't a good idea. But it's the kind of idea that, once it's crossed her brain, probably won't leave anytime soon. Besides, she knows what it feels like to have Kevin lift her and sit her on the kitchen counter at her house, and stand between her knees as he kisses her, hands cupping her jaw and treading in her hair.

She bites down on her lip. _Damn her hormones_. 

"Everything's settled with Miguel?" Madison asks instead. In two days they'll be travelling to St. Louis and Kevin wants it to be a surprise for his mother. The clinical trial is demanding, so Miguel is taking Rebecca to the restaurant on Friday night, where Madison and Kevin will join them. Well - so far Miguel only knows that Kevin is coming. Kevin has been planning a week-end of activities to make the most of his time with his mother, and for the four of them to get to know each other better.

Madison sort of dreads introductions - _hey, Mom, remember Kate's friend? I knocked her up_.

"Miguel and I booked the restaurant for Friday night, and brunch for Sunday. We'll go to the botanical garden, my mom will love it. She needs the fresh air. Maybe a boat ride? If that doesn't make you sick, of course," Kevin frowns. "How's the nausea been?"

Madison wrinkles her nose. "On and off all day, mostly. I hope I can keep this lasagna down because it was _amazing_."

Kevin gives her a sympathetic smile. "Maybe the babies don't like quinoa and all these seeds you eat," he chuckles. "You should try a Pearson cheese dog."

"A _what_ now?" Madison frowns.

"Don't judge before you try it," Kevin wriggles his finger at her. "Just you wait until Thanksgiving. It's a Pearson tradition."

Madison smiles. The Pearsons have so many traditions, she feels lucky that her children will grow up in a family like that. She doesn't remember moments like that with her parents and siblings - she had a normal childhood with tons of presents under the Christmas trees and days at the beach, she was a happy kid, but there wasn't that little something _special_ that the Pearsons have about them. Everything about them is extraordinary - the story behind the Big Three, a baby found at the fire station, Rebecca giving birth on her husband's birthday, the legend of Jack Pearson, father extraordinaire.

Madison wants the same for Kevin - to have his own Pearson perfect happy ending, to get to make his own traditions with his children. She wants their kids to look up to him the way everyone talks about Jack. She's seen him with Jack, or with his nieces at Kate's wedding - she has no doubt he'll be great at it.

Kevin starts clearing her desk. "I'll go wash the dishes while you finish up here," he offers. "Want me to drive you to the venue for your check-ups? I can help out."

Madison checks the time on her phone. It's almost eight, which lately has been around the time when she lies down on her couch in front of reruns of her favorite shows, and she still has to pack for their trip. She's been packing for four days and emptying her suitcase every night; Madison follows a few stylish moms-to-be on Instagram but she still hasn't found the perfect outfit to announce her pregnancy to Kevin's family. She covers a yawn. "Nah, I'll do it tomorrow. I need to lie down."

"I can drive you home."

Madison gives him a smile. "I live ten minutes away, I'll make it, Kevin."

"Humor me?"

The look he gives her is so soft, Madison doesn't feel like denying him. He feels guilty for taking on this new movie, she can feel it; if driving her home can make him feel useful, it's a small price to pay. There are definitely worse things than letting a kind, handsome man take care of her. "Fine," Madison pretends to sigh heavily, "you can drive me home. But I need to be at the office at nine tomorrow."

Kevin goes to the kitchen space to wash the dishes. "Sure, no problem. I'm up at six for my run anyway."

Madison leans her hip against the kitchen counter. "I don't know how you do it. I have such a hard time getting up in the morning lately, I don't have the energy to get up and go for a run."

"You're growing two human beings inside you," Kevin comforts her. "You're entitled to being tired. We could go on a light jog together, if you want."

Madison shakes her head. "You're _not_ seeing me in tight leggings looking like that," she waves at her body. It's not just her belly - there's the way her hips flare more now, how her breasts feel huge all of a sudden. Even with the most stretchy sports tank top Madison wouldn't feel comfortable. It's her body and it's not, it's the weirdest feeling, no matter how much she tries to focus on what a miracle this is.

Kevin looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't push.

* * *

"So I've been thinking about names."

Madison tilts her head to Kevin. "Yeah? Me too. I was thinking it would be cute if they had the same initials, like you and Kate." She accepts the pillow from the flight attendant gratefully, settles it at her back. "I'm not hell-bent on it, but..."

"Our parents chose our names after the doctor who delivered us," Kevin explains. "I think they'd already settled on Kate, Kyle and Kevin, but then they met Dr. K. and it was just meant to be."

Madison hums softly. She can't imagine what Kevin's mother went through, losing a baby like that after spending so many months picturing them, dreaming about their future, choosing a name. But Madison wants to prove the universe she's invested in this, that she believes she can bring these babies to the world safe and sound - and that involves thinking about names. "Do you have a list of names you like, then?" she asks.

Kevin nods. "I like Emma or Sarah or Harper for a girl," he suggests.

Madison gnaws at her thumbnail, thinking about it. "We have to think about two names, in case it's two girls. So...Ensley, Sasha and Holly?"

"I like Holly," Kevin says. "Ethan, Samuel and Hugo for a boy?"

Madison wrinkles her nose. "Ugh, no, I don't like Hugo." She ponders it for a minute. "I can't find a name starting with H that I like. But I like Elliot."

"Simon?"

"Hard no," Madison shakes her head. "That's the name of the jealous cousin in that Christmas movie."

Kevin laughs. "Sounds reasonable enough." At Madison's glare, he softens. "Let's go back to the start, okay? Names that start with A?"

"Amelia, Abigail, Arianna, Aurora," Madison counts on her fingers. "I like Astrid, too. Kinda sounds like some Danish stripper, though, doesn't it?"

"Let's keep away from stripper names," Kevin agrees, chuckling. "I like Amelia. We could call her Amy."

"Amy Pearson," Madison tries out. "It has a nice ring to it. I like it."

Kevin turns to her, looking surprised. "You don't want them to have both our names?" he asks.

Madison looks down at her lap and plays with her bracelets. It's sort of embarrassing, how quickly she's embraced the idea of an _all-in_ _Kevin_ , she can't imagine her children not wearing his name. Everyone in the Pearson family knows who they are; the name carries meaning and direction and purpose, Madison wants that for the babies. She wants them to feel that sense of belonging. "Being a Pearson seems to mean something, I just thought - I'd like that, you know? For the kids, I mean," Madison blushes.

Kevin brushes his knuckle under her chin, tips it up so she's looking at him. For a minute he just looks at her, almost studying her, and there's just him and her in that plane; the way his eyes are boring into hers does something to space and time; her breathing catches, her heart slows and beats faster all at once. She can count his lashes; swallow his exhale as she inhales. Then Kevin cards his fingers in her hair and presses a kiss to her forehead. "We're both going to _make_ it mean something, okay?"

He pushes the armrest between them up and wraps his arm around her shoulders; Madison falls into him eagerly, leaning her head against his shoulder. He smells so good, better than lasagna and baby Jack, she's pretty sure his cologne can cure morning sickness, despite being terrible for her libido. So close to him Madison feels like the big bad wolf - she could just eat him up.

"I like Alexander for a boy," Kevin continues. "Or Aaron."

"Alex is cute," Madison agrees. "Pearson is an Irish surname, right? Maybe we could look up Irish names. I like Connor or Finn."

She feels Kevin shake his head, his chin bumps her forehead. "I'm not calling my imaginary unborn daughter Finola or Fiona like the princess in _Shrek_."

"What about Clementine?" Madison suggests. "Connor and Clementine, that sounds cute." She looks up at Kevin, and the half-pout on his mouth indicates he doesn't believe so. "Okay, then. I like flower names. Rose, Daisy, Violet. Oh, I know!" Madison says excitedly. "Poppy! Poppy Pearson, that sounds like a model's name, you can just see it on runways."

Kevin laughs and drops another kiss to the crown of her hair, like it's become natural. "Jesus, no. I can be flexible about flower names but _not_ Poppy. I don't want to be on some _celebrity who gave weird names to their kids_ list." 

Madison pouts. "Poppy isn't a weird name. You still have five months to get used to it. You'll see, it'll win you over."

Time flies by, it's crazy. Five months ago Madison could have counted on the fingers of one hand the number of times she'd seen Kevin; five months from now, she'll bring their children to the world. It definitely isn't how she'd expected this year to turn out - Madison had hoped to meet a good guy, and maybe finally having someone who was willing to stay and fight the way she does, she'd never imagined _this_. She's got a whole new range of podcasts bookmarked on her laptop now; a whole new range of doubts and fears and hopes, too.

Madison tries to focus on the hopes - on all the good things she wants for her children, a father who loves them and supports them, a house that's a home, filled with laughter and love and understanding. She wants a home with traditions and inside jokes and happy memories, and she trusts Kevin to bring that, to help her bring that to their children. Madison might not be certain that she has everything she needs to be a good mom, but she wants to be, and that has to count for something. She's been trying her best to do right by the babies so far; she just needs Kevin to keep helping her when it gets hard.

Kevin starts absently playing with her hair, flicking at the ends of her locks. Did he like it better longer? Madison shakes her head at herself, which only makes her seem like she's nuzzling further into him. What does it matter what Kevin thinks about her looks anyway? It's not because he's being all adorable with her that it means he's _into_ her - he's just being sweet because she's pregnant and it's in his nature to take care of others. All these looks he gives her are momentary lapses of anthropological, primal pride for knocking her up, Madison's read an article about it, how it's an evolutionary thing about men and perpetuating the species. He'll probably stop looking at her like that once the babies are born.

His fingers are lulling her to sleep; Madison looks up at him sleepily and finds Kevin already looking down at her with a small smile. "Wanna play favorites again?" he suggests. When she nods, he goes on, "Favorite sex position?"

"Kevin," Madison hisses his name between clenched teeth as she straightens and sits up. They might be flying first-class where people are either busy working on laptops or sipping champagne like villains in movies, this is still a confined space where she's not comfortable sharing this kind of information - beside the whole context of talking about sex positions with the man who got her pregnant after one try and the best night of her life.

Kevin laces his hands behind his head, chuckling. "I _had_ to go there, you know it. Someday I'll get the answer out of you."

Madison hits him with her pillow before settling it back behind her. Her lower back is killing her, she's not used to the extra weight she's carrying. "I thought you already knew the answer," she teases, cocking an eyebrow at him.

Kevin shrugs. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit I don't know everything about women and their pleasure," he concedes. "See? I listened."

Madison should quit while she's ahead, but the temptation to tease movie star Kevin Pearson about his seduction skills is just right there. "Not used to women _not_ swooning before you, are you?"

"Oh, I can make you swoon all right," Kevin tips his chin to her. Then his eyes meet hers, and Madison sees what he's doing so she stares right back, unflinching. She watches as he slowly uncrosses his arms and lowers them to his lap, only slightly tilting his head to her. "But swooning is easy, right? Where's the challenge in that?"

"Ah," Madison nods, willing the heat that blossoms in her cheeks not to show. "So it's an ego thing?"

Kevin grins, wolf-like, something slow as he takes her in like he could just pluck her off and pop her on his tongue. "No. I just like to know what makes people tick." He nods at her belly. "Clearly I got one or two things right."

Madison rolls her eyes. "You can't use the babies to win every argument, Kevin."

He gives her another smug smile that tells her that's his very intention. "Favorite thing to do on a Sunday?"

"You can't laugh," Madison warns him. "I have this horoscope app, and I check it weekly and plan my week accordingly."

"What did it say for this week?"

"That I was going to be full of energy and that it was the perfect time for a little getaway."

"Oh yeah?" Kevin smiles. "Always a good thing to have the stars on our side, then."

He looks relaxed enough; telling his mom and uncle is nothing compared to telling Kate. "How do you think your mom will react?" Madison asks. It's one thing to tell your family you're having a baby, and it's another to introduce them to your one-night stand.

"She'll be happy," Kevin nods his head, confident. "I think this is what she's always wanted for me - to find my path and be happy. And I am." He reaches to cup her knee. "After the clinical trial is over I'm sure she'll be all over us, always wanting to see them. I'm more worried about her wanting to talk about Randall."

Madison leans back, crossing her arms over her belly. "You guys haven't talked since Jack's birthday?"

Kevin shakes his head. "There's nothing left to say," he says, a bit hoarse. He mirrors her, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. He leaves his hand on her knee. "We both said things to hurt the other, and this time it worked for real. I wish I could take it all back but..." He pinches at the bridge of his nose. "I'm not sure Randall does. I think he meant what he said, and...I know that my mom will try to say he didn't, try to make us talk like nothing happened, and I'm just really tired of that system. Not talking hasn't worked for us so far."

Madison agrees silently. She comes from a family who doesn't talk much; apart from holidays and texts for birthdays and updates on Instagram, Madison doesn't know much about what's going on in their lives. The winery is doing great; she likes what Christopher has done with the place since their parents retired. Lauren has just made partner and she's rocking the business woman style. It's been years since she's spent any real, quality time with any of them; they no longer know each other enough to get into fights like Kevin and Randall did.

She wants to ask Kevin what Randall said. He's here for her, and he's so soothing, she wants to be the same for him. But Madison knows it's dangerous territory, treading in the Pearson brothers' business. "I'm sure your mom will be too focused on the babies to go there," she tries to reassure him. "It's not every day your son tells you he's having twins." Kevin tilts his face to her and nods his head thoughtfully. He looks like he could fall asleep. "What do you do on Sundays?" she asks, bringing them back to their game.

"Sometimes I paint," he says in a whisper, never opening his eyes.

"Yeah? I didn't know that."

Kevin sighs contentedly; his fingers flex around her knee. "Not many people do."

* * *

"I can carry my own suitcase, Kevin."

Kevin stubbornly manages both suitcases that he loads in the truck of their rented car. "These babies are the only thing you'll be carrying," he says as he opens her car door for her. "You can put the hotel address in the GPS. See? I can delegate."

Madison shakes her head - she's not done shaking her head at him if he keeps treating her like she's a porcelain doll. It's really sweet but it's also totally over the top. Next thing she knows Kevin will forbid her from reaching for the top shelf.

They get to their hotel a couple of hours before dinner; Madison can't wait for a shower. The woman who greets them at the front desk looks a bit flustered at the sight of Kevin. "Hi, Maura," he says, reading her nametag, "We've got a reservation under Pearson, for two rooms."

"Sure, Mr. Pearson, let me check." She taps away on her keyboard and frowns. "Uh, I'm really sorry, sir, but I only see one room."

Kevin frowns too, then looks at Madison with a confused look. "I'm pretty sure I booked the two rooms under my name, but maybe I told you to book the other one under Simons?"

"I have a room under a Tessa Simmons?" Kevin shakes his head. "Well, uh...I see that my niece booked you in, I'm just going to call her and see if maybe she forgot to put it down but still prepped two rooms, if you'll excuse me."

"Sure, no problem," Kevin assures her, then turns to Madison. "I'm really sorry, Madison."

Madison squeezes his biceps. "Come on, it's not the end of the world."

Maura comes back with a teenage girl whose eyes widen excitedly when she sees Kevin. "Welcome, Mr. Pearson, sir," she greets him, extending her hand to him like she's a little girl pretending to be a grown-up. Kevin shakes her hand and she positively gleams. "Mrs. Pearson," she turns to Madison as excitedly. "I got everything you asked, sir, I even printed your list of demands," she adds, taking a file off a drawer. "The breakfast basket is ready in your room, I found the bath salts, and -"

"Chelsea," Maura interrupts her. "There's been a slight problem with Mr. Pearson's reservation. He asked for _two_ rooms."

The teenage girl goes livid in half a second; Madison's ears are still ringing from being called _Mrs. Pearson_. Kevin wipes his hand across his mouth. "What?" Chelsea echoes. "No, no, I wrote one room down, I got everything ready for your wife. Oh God, I'm sorry. I don't know how I could have -"

"It's okay, sweetie," Madison intervenes. "It's just - he _snores_ , you know?" she leans in, conspiratorial. "I know, it surprised me too, he only _looks_ perfect, but...I already have a bit of trouble sleeping so he booked us two rooms so I could get some sleep. But it's okay, all right? Don't worry about it."

Kevin follows her lead and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "Please don't tell anyone I snore, Chelsea," he pleads with a lopsided grin.

The girl lets out a soft giggle. Her aunt still looks apologetic. "I'm really sorry, sir. We got a lot of reservations for this week-end. I might find you another room but they probably won't be on the same floor."

"No, really, don't worry about it," Madison reassures her. "Now that you've mentioned those salts I'd really like to take a bath. Could you show us the room please?"

"Of course," Chelsea nods her head excitedly. "Please follow me."

They follow her to the elevator. "I didn't tell her we were married," Kevin whispers. "I'm sorry."

"At least she doesn't think I'm your sordid mistress," Madison whispers back. "It's okay. I want to see your diva list of demands."

Chelsea leads them to a suite on the third floor. The room is big enough to fit a family of four. "I'm really sorry again for the mishap, Mr. and Mrs. Pearson. You just let me know if there's anything I can do for you during your stay, you can just dial me at the front desk."

The girl exits the room with something resembling a half bow, Madison has to refrain from laughing until the door closes. "Do people always treat you like you're royalty or something? I thought she was gonna faint."

"The perks of rock-hard abs," Kevin taps his stomach. He waves around. "Do you like it?"

Madison takes a moment to really look at the room.

There _are_ definitely some perks of being Kevin Pearson's pretend wife.

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been feeling pretty low about the last chapter so i hope y'all enjoyed this one!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "God, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," Kevin says softly, tucking a blonde lock behind her ear. "Come on, come here," he adds, turning her around and marching her to the full-size mirror beside the dresser with a hand at her back. Kevin stands behind her. Their eyes lock in the mirror. "Remember that lame pick-up line I used at Kate's wedding about you all being professional models? It was one hundred and ten percent directed at you."
> 
> Madison giggles. "That's a shame. I think Gretch is still hoping you'll call her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the flirting continues in st. louis because these two deserve it and i deserve it too

Kevin awaits anxiously as Madison observes the room. He may have gone over the top with a suite, but she's the mother of his children after all - he's entitled to take care of her. He won't get to do so as much when he'll be shooting the movie so he's doing his best now.

"What's the breakfast basket for?" Madison asks, perusing its content, all sorts of tea flavors and granola bars and shortbread cookies. "Do you get snacky during the night? That's not good for your abs."

Kevin scratches at his neck. He knows that once he says it he'll sound even more over the top than he is. "Okay, so I downloaded this pregnancy app? It's info and graphs and tips, and, uh, I read that eating before getting up could help with the morning sickness, so..." He shrugs. "I figured I could ask for some snacks before room service gets there with breakfast."

Madison looks up at him, her blue eyes gleaming with surprise. Her lips curl in a soft, beautiful smile. "So your diva list is actually...a _me_ list?" Kevin nods; Madison looks touched. She nods to herself as her fingers stroke the Egyptian cotton sheets. No wonder the girl at the front desk thought they were married; he's had her turn this suite into a virtual home, from finding those bath salts he knew were safe during pregnancy to making sure breakfast would include everything Madison's nutritionist recommended for her pregnancy diet. "Spoil a girl like that, she'll get used to it," Madison muses, grinning at him.

"And you haven't seen the bathroom yet."

He shows her to the bathroom that's been turned into a real spa: candles everywhere, bath salts, plush bathrobes and towels. Madison cocks an eyebrow at all the face masks and lotions he got. "You found these on your app? Damn, I need to download it. Mine only compares the baby to fruits. They're little avocados, apparently."

"Avocados?" Kevin chuckles. "I'm not eating any more avocados now, it'd be like...what's it called, eating your children?"

Madison's brow furrows as she narrows her eyes at him. "We're not calling it because there'll be no eating our children. Now, off you go, I'm living in this bathroom now."

"Dinner's in an hour and a half," he reminds her.

"Which gives me a solid hour to soak in until my skin looks all wrinkled," Madison claims, pushing him out.

Kevin laughs; plucks his phone from his pocket and sends a quick text to Miguel and Kate to let them know they landed safely. Kate calls him back instantly. "Hey, Kate."

"You never told me if Madison liked your lasagna," Kate complains. "You can't grill me about my best friend in order to woo her without telling me how it went!"

Kevin glances at the bathroom door and goes to the balcony, closing the glass door behind him. "There was no _wooing_ , Kate. I'm just trying to take care of her."

Kate laughs in that _yeah, sure_ , way of hers. "Did she like it or not?" she asks, sounding impatient.

"She did," Kevin admits grudgingly. He didn't expect Kate to go from _I'll kick his ass if you want_ to _Kate Pearson's guide to woo her best friend_ so fast. Kevin's only trying his own _how to care for the woman you got pregnant who also happens to be your sister's best friend and whose quirks you're suddenly finding a hell of a lot endearing_. He didn't find a lot of intel on the internet about that, even though he did find an article or two or ten about his presumed pregnancy kink.

He's definitely _not_ the only man thinking that pregnant women look like goddesses.

"How is she doing?" Kate asks. "Not too nervous about Mom? What about you?"

Kevin leans his elbows against the railing. "She's good, I think. She got pretty nauseous on the plane so she's taking a bath right now. Her suitcase weighs a ton which makes me think she brought her entire wardrobe."

Kate chuckles. Behind her he can hear Jack giggling. "That's Madison. She has a perfect outfit for every situation. Can't be easy, choosing what to wear for that kind of announcement. What are _you_ wearing?"

Kevin looks down at his t-shirt and jeans. He hadn't planned on changing. "What am I supposed to wear? We're just going to dinner with Mom and Miguel."

Even over the phone he can _hear_ Kate rolling her eyes. "Madison is four months pregnant with _your_ giant babies and still I know she'll come out of that bathroom looking more like a movie star than you ever did. So the least you can do is put on a jacket, Kev."

"Okay, okay," Kevin admits defeat, going back inside and opening his suitcase. He did bring a somewhat classy outfit for brunch. "I have that jacket I wore - you know, at that party I took you and Toby?"

"Yeah, because I really use the space in my brain to file all the outfits you ever wore," Kate sighs. "Just wear a damn jacket and tell her she looks great. She needs the support."

Kevin knows that. He also doesn't believe that he'll ever have to force himself to think Madison looks great - she's even more gorgeous now, even if she doesn't believe it. "Any other wise advice?"

"Don't tell Mom about how you got Madison pregnant, the whole upside down thing? No one needs that visual," Kate rambles, embellishing a gag.

Kevin wipes his hand across his mouth. "What the - why would _this_ even be a part of this conversation? Jesus, Kate."

"Well, I _know_ Madison, okay?" Kate counters. "Mom is gonna look at the two of you with that look she gets, you know the one, and it's gonna be an awkward two seconds, and I know how Madison gets during awkward moments. She's gonna start rambling and get into details no one ever needs to hear until someone at the nearest table chokes on their drink."

"I'm pretty sure she won't go into details about how babies are conceived," Kevin shakes his head. "We talked about it, actually, and she promised she wouldn't."

"Yeah, well..." Kate represses a laugh. "How do you feel?"

"Good," Kevin tells her, and he means it. The scariest part about telling his mom is knowing how disappointed she'll be to be so far away from them during the pregnancy and when the babies are born; no one knows what will happen after the trial, either, if she'll have to stay in St. Louis for further treatment or if she and Miguel will move back to Los Angeles. Kevin doesn't want to cause her pain by telling her something that he knows will make her so happy in the first place. "I really wish she could be more involved in all this. I'll be in Atlanta in June, I'll drop by on the way home."

"Why are you going to Atlanta? Did you get the part?" Kate asks excitedly.

Kevin slaps his forehead. He'd told Kate about the audition, but nothing since he talked to Madison about it. "Yeah, I'm sorry, Kate. I wanted to ask Madison what she thought about it and then I totally forgot to let you know."

"Don't worry about it," Kate reassures him. "This is great, congrats! See, I told you Madison would be okay with it. You worry too much."

Kevin can't help agreeing. "Yeah, it's a new thing. Or a more exacerbated one, I guess. Does it ever stop?" he asks, hopeful.

"About your children? Nope. Never," Kate says softly. "But it's a good sign. You're gonna be great at this, Kev, you know? You're the caretaker, the heart of the family. You're going to be a great dad."

Kevin's throat closes up. "I'm none of these things, Kate," he denies. In his head he can still hear Randall's words, the viciousness laced in them poisoning every kindness Kate is trying to show. He's the one who left; the one who left Pittsburgh and moved on, taking twenty years to realize he'd never really managed to, always coming back to the same failures and mistakes he's been doing since he was a kid. He left their mom; stole Kate away and dragged her to Los Angeles; spent his whole childhood resenting Randall for all the attention he got.

And he wasn't there when their dad died.

He's the farthest from being the heart of the family.

"Kevin..." Kate starts. "Remember when I got my appendix removed? Remember what you did?"

Kevin scratches at his jaw tiredly. "That was thirty years ago, Kate," he says. "I - I don't know."

He hears Kate sighing. "You slept on the floor by my bed for three days, Kev. _Three days_. You never half-ass taking care of others. Jesus, you spent weeks taking care of Nicky. You missed the premiere of your play to go take care of Randall. You took the both of us to the cabin when we were down. One thing you are, if nothing else, is a giver. Don't you ever forget that."

Kevin coughs, clears his throat. Kate is biased, she's his twin, but it doesn't tug at his heartstrings any less. "You - you're a great mom, Kate. _You're_ the heart."

"We're all the heart," Kate says kindly. "That's how Mom and Dad raised us. And you're Dad through and through. He'd be so proud of you."

 _He died ashamed of you_. It's been ringing in his head for weeks now. It's the one thing Randall said he can't shake off because it's _true_ \- before his dad's death all Kevin did was disappointing him with poor grades and an even poorer attitude. Seventeen year-old Kevin was the farthest thing from being his dad through and through; Kevin has big doubts that he's any closer now.

"Listen, Kate, I've got to go," Kevin drops the subject. "You're right, I need to change and, uh, I should call Miguel too, so..."

"Kevin..."

"Love you, talk to you soon," Kevin urges, and hangs up after Kate says it back.

Kevin drops down in the nearest armchair and rests his head against the back, closing his eyes and exhaling heavily. Screw Randall for ruining tonight even from hundreds of miles away. Instead of calling Miguel like he said, Kevin opts for sending a corny joke to Nicky, whose sarcastic, short answer comes quickly: _thank god you're at least pretty_. It makes Kevin laugh and gives him the kick in the butt he needed to get up and get dressed like Kate told him to. He's checking his social media - Sloane's second play is a success, he's heard only good things about it, he likes a picture of the cast; Tess is rocking a beanie better than he ever did - when Madison finally emerges from the bathroom.

Movie star gorgeous doesn't even _begin_ to describe how she looks.

He slides his phone in his pocket and takes a few steps towards her. "Wow, Madison...just wow."

Madison blushes, the most adorable rosy hue blossoming in her cheeks. She's hardly wearing any make-up at all and she's positively _glowing_. Her dress looks almost demure, the blue garment hugging her waist then flowing down, her baby bump showing off without feeling emphasized on; the real stunner is the open back, a sheer, see-through fabric embellished with small dots, ending with a lace bow at the small of her back. Kevin has seen enough haute-couture on red carpets to know no actress or model compare to her.

"It's not too much, right?" Madison asks, sounding so unsure as she smoothes the fabric over her belly. "I don't want to look like I'm trying to impress your mom, but I don't want to look like I'm _not_ trying, either. I wanted to look nice and -"

"Madison, hey," Kevin interrupts her, reaching for her hand. "You don't look _nice_. You look _stunning_. You look like an actual Disney princess, and I've met some, you know? I took the girls to Disneyland a few years back."

Madison looks down, shaking her head. "Kevin..."

"God, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," Kevin says softly, tucking a blonde lock behind her ear. "Come on, come here," he adds, turning her around and marching her to the full-size mirror beside the dresser with a hand at her back. Kevin stands behind her. Their eyes lock in the mirror. "Remember that lame pick-up line I used at Kate's wedding about you all being professional models? It was one hundred and ten percent directed at you."

Madison giggles. "That's a shame. I think Gretch is still hoping you'll call her."

"That's a shame because back then I only saw your smile and your ass and your legs," Kevin says, serious all of a sudden. With his hand at her back he feels Madison's sharp intake of breath.

" _Kevin_ ," she speaks his name like a warning, her eyes averting his.

"Back then I didn't know how cute you look when your cheeks flush," he goes on, "how the blush follows that vein down your neck and down your throat. I didn't notice the way your eyes spark when you smile, and you've got a great smile, it lights up the room. It's impossible to look at you smiling without smiling. Except when you're a jerk like me who's drunk and exhausted in a hospital waiting room," Kevin confesses.

Madison looks up at him in the mirror; her eyes have turned a darker shade of blue, he doesn't know if she's angry or upset. "It was a long time ago," she shrugs lightly, her lips pinched in a tight smile.

"Not that long ago," Kevin shakes his head. Tentatively he turns her around with his hands on her shoulders, slowly stroking them down her arms. "I never apologized to you for how horrible I was that day. You were there for Kate and you tried to cheer us all up, and I was just...cruel and stupid, I guess. I've done the program before, you know - make the list and apologize. But I never came to you. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all of it."

Madison's eyes focus somewhere below his breast pocket. She's so small, she barely reaches his chin with her heels. Kevin tilts his head to her, seeking her eyes. "Thank you," she finally says in a low voice. "I didn't know you were drinking that day. I could have been more understanding."

"No, no," Kevin shakes his head. He takes her hands in his. "There's no excuse. I'm tired of making up excuses for the way I acted. With you I've always been either a shameless flirt or a stupid jerk. I want that to change."

"It has," Madison assures him, squeezing his hands back. "God, Kevin, you're great with me. You don't have to beat yourself up over the past."

She gives him a smile then, so soft and so kind, it takes Kevin a lot of restraint not to kiss her. He may have told Kate he wasn't in this to woo Madison, but... _come on_. He's no saint, and she's _gorgeous_. "You're even kinder than you're pretty, and that says _a lot_ ," he aims for smooth, but Madison only chuckles, biting down on her lip. He turns her back to the mirror and she lets him. "See? Your eyes are shining. Everything about you is glowing. Your hair, your skin, even your cheeks, they just look a bit fuller, like someone just pinched them into a blush. And Jesus, just look at you..."

Kevin studies the way Madison's gaze travels down her own body. He can see that she doesn't see it the way he does, not from the way she sucks her lip in as her eyes settle on her belly, her hips. His hands ache from not following her gaze with his touch; he loves the way her hips flare, emphasizing her tiny waist even more; he's noticed how her chest pushes more against her top, and he's only a man, after all, of course he loves it. Every new curve on her body makes her look lovely and lively.

Madison's teeth dig in her bottom lip as she smoothes the fabric of her dress down her belly. "I've got these stretch marks, they're so ugly, it looks like a cat scratched at my lower belly or something. And, uh, I know I'm _supposed_ to put on some weight," she tells him, "but..." She sighs as she waves at her belly. "I feel _huge_. Like I'm losing my balance, I don't know what to do about this."

Kevin bites at the inside of his cheek. When he sees her belly all he wants to do is touch it, stroke his hands over it; to him she looks glorious and healthy, their babies growing strong inside of her. He wants her to feel like this is a good thing. "Wait, I have an idea, just wait," he says, then goes to the phone and dials the front desk. "Hi, Chelsea? This is Mr. Pearson from room 3012. Do you happen to have a measuring tape?" Madison frowns at him. "No, no, not the whole sewing kit, just the measuring tape will do. Could you bring it up to our room please? Thank you, Chelsea."

Madison crosses her arms over her belly. The teenage girl is there in no time; Kevin has an inkling he could call in the middle of the night and she'd still be over in mere minutes. "Mr. Pearson, sir," she greets, "I got your measuring tape. Is there anything I could do to help?"

"No, thank you, Chelsea. I'll just get it back to you on our way out, all right?"

She nods and leaves; Madison eyes the measuring tape warily. "You're not planning on measuring me, right?" she asks, her brow furrowing deeper. "I don't need you to know just how big I am."

Kevin takes out his phone and logs in his pregnancy app. "There's this chart for weight gain and measurements. I just thought - I don't know if that could help, but maybe if you saw that you're not fat, that you're simply putting on the weight you need..."

Madison runs her fingers in her hair. "Kevin..."

He takes a step closer to her. "I'm not trying to push, Madison, okay? I'm just trying to figure this out with you. You don't have to if you don't want to."

Kevin doesn't know how to navigate this. His approach to his sister's issues with her appearance and her behavior regarding food has always been to follow Kate's lead; when Kate said to push her to lose the weight, he did; when she told him she was going to this support group he supported her; when she told him it was just too damn hard and she was done trying to lose the weight he supported her too, then. He's never gone ahead and told her what she was supposed to do, and he's not trying to do that with Madison now. Kevin just doesn't know how else to help.

Madison seems to ponder it for a while. "Over the dress," Madison agrees in a low voice. "I can't - you can't see my stomach."

Kevin nods. "Over the dress it is, no problem." He goes back behind her and hands the measuring tape to her. "You can do it if you don't want me to see."

Madison shakes her head. "No, you can do it. I trust you."

It moves him, her trust in him. People tend to see him as the unreliable type; he's a recovering addict and known as a runaway risk - but for Madison he's willing to stay and fight. He wants her to know he'll be there when she needs him. Her fingers are shaking as she holds the tape before her stomach with him. Kevin enters the data in his phone and gives it to her. "You just add your height there," he indicates.

Madison does, then frowns. "I don't understand, there must be a mistake. It says...I'm below average? Am I reading this wrong?"

She's not, Kevin sees instantly. Beside her baby bump, her waist is still tiny, her legs and ass still perfectly shaped. There's a couple extra pounds on her hips, but she looks great - to him she looks perfect. "I think this might be the first time anyone says you're below average," he tries. "To me this is definitely your A game."

Madison shakes her head. "Quit it, Kevin, you dork," she chuckles shakily. She keeps staring at his phone screen, disbelieving. "You know, one time at group Kate told me to just get on a scale and see I wasn't fat."

"Did it help?" Kevin asks.

"Nope," Madison laughs. "She was yelling at me, told me I didn't belong in the group. And weighing myself has never helped with..." She gestures at her body. "It's just that - it's how I've always controlled things, you know?" she tries to explain. "I can't control everything but I can control this. Or at least I thought I could. It's how I've always looked at food - as something I can force myself not to enjoy too much so I can regulate how much I eat. And now I get hungry and I need to eat more, and I need to take pleasure in food and -"

Tears start rolling down her cheek; Madison wipes at them quickly. "Hey, Madison," Kevin speaks her name softly, turning her around. "I didn't want to make you cry."

"It's okay," Madison nods her head too quickly, grabbing a tissue to wipe at her eyes. "I just - it's a lot, okay? But this was a good idea." She gives him his phone back. "Next time I, uh, freak out...don't stop trying to help, okay? _Please_."

Kevin pulls her to him, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Never," he promises. "You just tell me what you need and I'll be that for you."

"You'll tie my shoes when I get so big I can't see my feet anymore?" Madison chuckles tearfully against his chest.

"I'll tie your shoes. Tell you what, I'll do better. I'm gonna get you some Stan Smith. I saw they come with little hearts on them, and the baby ones are so cute, uncle Nicky got some for Jack and they were adorable."

Madison giggles and pushes off him, dabbing at her eyes before the mirror. She doesn't even need to touch up her make-up, she looks fantastic. Kevin gets behind her and snaps a quick picture. "Kevin!" she whines, slapping at his chest. "I've got puffy eyes now, delete that."

Kevin shows her the picture. "Come on, you look gorgeous. Tell you what? Once we've told everyone _this_ is the picture I'm gonna post on Instagram," he looks at it fondly. Madison is gently tucking a lock behind her ear; he's grinning behind her; her belly juts out in a way that makes him want to run his hands over it at night in bed. It's the perfect picture.

Madison tilts her head, pondering it. "And what's the caption gonna be like? _Daddy say whaaat?_ "

"That's actually a great idea, let me write it down," Kevin says, grinning. "I'm sending the picture to Kate, she'll love it." He does, then offers his arm to Madison. "Shall we go, then?"

* * *

Madison grabs for his hand as they get to the restaurant, lacing their fingers together. Kevin doesn't know if it's for his benefit or hers, but he squeezes back as they make their way to his mom's and Miguel's table.

Kevin knows he hasn't done a lot to make his mother proud when he was younger. He was never the loving brother she hoped he would be to Randall; he was a smartass, cocky and full of anger as a teenager, resenting his parents for the special care they'd always had for his brother and sister. He left her when she was at her most vulnerable after his dad's death, and he resented her for finding comfort in Miguel, too, when he himself delved into love and marriage with Sophie to avoid dealing with the pain. He was in love with her and it'd made sense, getting married - but deep down Kevin knows his dad's passing had a lot to do with that decision. Life was short; he wanted to spend it with Sophie. He'd gotten married without thinking about what it would do to his mother, not being a part of it.

Truth be told, he hadn't cared. He'd wanted this one thing just for himself; everything about being a Pearson had always been about family, about being there for his siblings, number one looking after the other two, dealing with the stupid kids who made fun of Kate, resenting all the jokes and mean comments people at school made about Randall, feeling torn and disgusted for _enjoying_ them, sometimes. People saying how weird it was for Randall to be his brother, the black kid in the white family, _allowed_ Kevin to feel it, too - to find a place where he was allowed to feel like this was weird, his parents just switching a dead baby for the first one they found. Kevin's not proud of it now; but back then, it was a relief, to hear other people say aloud what he could have never told his family.

But for the past couple of years, Kevin feels like he's changed - for the better. He's hit rock bottom and fought to find his way back to the surface; he's found his uncle and helped him turn his life around, done right by Sophie at last, worked hard on his sobriety. And this thing with Madison - even if it started like the plot of a show he could have starred in in his twenties - it's going to be good. He's going to do right by her and the twins - and that, his mother can be proud of.

Miguel spots them first and pats Rebecca's hand, pointing a finger at them. She turns around, her mouth tugging up in a huge grin as she sees Kevin. "Sweetheart," she greets him as she engulfs him in a hug. "Oh my God, what a surprise! I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too, Mom," Kevin squeezes her tight. "You look good. I, uh - I came with Madison..."

She turns to Madison, beaming at her too. Behind her, Kevin sees the way Miguel's eyes land on Madison's bump, widen, then back up to look at him. "Madison, sweetie, hi," Rebecca says, going for a hug. "You look so lovely, this dress is..."

Rebecca's mouth forms a perfect _O_ as she finally notices Madison's bump, too. There's a silent beat, two, three, as Rebecca looks between the two of them, clearly confused - then she turns to Miguel, waving her hand around like she wants him to remind her that she _knows_ about this. "Surprise," Kevin tries, wrapping an arm around Madison's waist.

His mom gives him that look then, the one that's so similar to the one she gave him when he was a teenager and she came to give him the sex talk, or to the one Kate told him about when he left a voicemail to tell them he and Sophie had gotten married. It's a look that says _what now?_ and _is this really happening?_ all at once.

"I know this is a lot to take in, Mrs. Pearson," Madison offers. "I don't want to upset you with -"

"Upset me?" Rebecca echoes, sounding even more confused. "I'm not upset." Her face lights up as she goes to take Madison's hands in hers. "Look at you, you're having a baby..." She turns to Kevin with such a fond smile. "My baby's having a baby."

Miguel steps in, hugging Madison too. "Congratulations, Madison," he says kindly. "You look wonderful."

"Hey," Kevin chimes in, "I helped, you know."

"I'm sure you did, sweetheart," Rebecca agrees with that tone one would use with a petulant kid. "Come sit beside me, Madison," she tugs her hand and sits her at the chair beside hers.

Kevin blinks as he takes the remaining seat. He did think his mother's happiness over him coming to surprise her would last longer than ten seconds before she'd completely forget about him and focus only on the baby bomb. She's patting Madison's hand and smiling at her like this is all so normal.

"I think this calls for celebratory drinks," Miguel suggests. "Mocktails, everybody?"

"Sobes," Kevin tips his chin at Madison. She'd known that about him at Kate's graduation party, had made the effort to bring a non-alcoholic drink for him. It's the sort of little thing she does that he's never really taken notice of before, but that speaks to just how thoughtful a friend she is - even to someone who's not a friend.

Madison gives him a smile, stroking her belly, pensive. "Pregs." She still sounds like she can't believe it.

"Thirsty," Rebecca agrees, smiling. "How are you doing, sweetie?" she asks Madison. "You must feel exhausted, you're what, three, four months along?"

"Four," Madison nods. "It's been a bit rough but Kevin's been great with me. He's a real mama hen."

Rebecca chuckles, reaching to pat Kevin's hand. "You always were. Remember when Kate got her appendix removed? He spent days sleeping at his sister's side," Rebecca explains. "Wouldn't let anyone come near, he just _had_ to be the one bringing her food or reading to her. God, you remind me so much of your father," she adds wistfully. "You wouldn't rest until you knew your sister was okay."

Kevin's mouth twitches. Kind, decent, great husband and father - those are all words people have used to describe Jack Pearson. Spoiled, self-centered, selfish; obnoxious; a joke; it's how the press has described him after he quit his show, or when he went to rehab. No one has ever called Jack Pearson any of these things. It's hard to believe he's anything like him, when Randall is the family man and Kate is the one who has always kept his memory alive.

"Do you guys know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Miguel asks. "Or do you want to keep the surprise?"

Kevin can't help laughing. He's had his fair share of surprises for a lifetime already. Madison and he exchange a private grin. "Nope, we don't know yet, Miguel," Kevin chuckles, "but, uh...we do know there are two of them."

It's sort of funny, watching other people react to the news, Kevin reckons. This is how Madison must have felt, watching him almost pass out; Miguel's face does that weird thing where his eyes go quickly between the two of them, like the news that they're expecting twins is even weirder than the fact that they slept together in the first place; his mom's mouth does this gasping thing.

Madison lets out a tiny, squeaky giggle. "Surprise?"

* * *

"I think that went pretty well," Madison calls from the bathroom. "Your mom seemed really excited about the babies."

Kevin pauses on his way to making up his bed on the couch, and stares at the bathroom door. _Excited_ is an understatement; Rebecca spent the whole dinner grilling Madison about her pregnancy, symptoms, sharing memories from her own pregnancy, giving advice; talking baby names, baby clothes, Kevin's first solid food, which led to another whole conversation about what were the best vegetables to try first. He and Miguel were mere bystanders, and by dessert his mother had given Madison that look that meant that she would not have her call her Mrs. Pearson anymore and that she was _Rebecca_ to her.

For a night his mother forgot about the clinical trial and her sickness, the memory losses, the confusion - it went better than _pretty well_ in Kevin's opinion.

"Yeah, make sure she never gets your phone number or she'll be all over you," Kevin calls back. "She looked pretty hell-bent on teaching you how to make that sweet potato crumble. Next thing you know she's FaceTiming you to check on your progress."

He hears Madison's muffled laugh. "That'd be nice," she says as she opens the door and comes out. She's wearing a nightdress that only fuels more of his pregnancy fantasies - all curves and bump and beautiful - and a satin kimono whose knot she's tying around her waist. She looks like a present he can't wait to unwrap. When she looks up a frown burrows between her brows. "Kevin," she sighs, " _what_ are you doing?"

"Making up my bed," he shrugs. "I'm not gonna make you sleep on the couch."

Madison rolls her eyes like he's ridiculous; maybe she's not totally wrong. "I'm not gonna get any _more_ pregnant by sharing a bed with you," she deadpans. "That is not how triplets are made. Just...come to bed, Kevin. I swear I won't force you to cuddle."

She wouldn't have to. Kevin remembers that night, how he's the one who kept Madison from first wanting to get up to put her nightdress on, wrapping an arm around her middle and dragging her back for orgasm number four. He's the one who lulled her to sleep, kissing down the nape of her neck to her shoulder, nuzzling at the strap of her nightdress. He's the cuddler - Kevin is comfortable with that.

He watches Madison as she fluffs up her pillows and arranges herself around the extra bolster he asked for her, and can't pretend, even to himself, that he didn't wish it were his body she used to curl herself around like that.

* * *

_to be continued_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca bumps her elbow in his side. "Don't play dumb, it's not a good look on you. You like her, and not because she's easy to like - which she is. That girl is a sweetheart. I see the way you look at her."
> 
> Kevin shakes his head. "I - I don't..." He doesn't, does he? Madison did tell him to tune it down, after all, but he thought...
> 
> "You don't look at her?" Rebecca offers sarcastically.
> 
> "Who's the smartass now?"
> 
> "I'm losing my mind, not my sight, Kevin," she deadpans. "Talk to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've noticed a very disheartening pattern of you guys seemingly not liking the past chapters as evidenced by a definite drop in reviews, so i hope you enjoy this one

"So...want to tell me what's going on between you and Madison?"

Kevin's head snaps back to his mother; he'd been staring at Madison and Miguel chatting animatedly over orchids, amazed at just how easily Madison could make people smile. She and Miguel are talking like they're old friends, which just makes Kevin wonder how many things he's missed over the past year; with his mom and Miguel moving to L.A. to help with Jack, and Madison always there to help Kate, they've probably met and talked a few times - there's a whole side of Madison's life he doesn't know. Truth be told, there's _a lot_ he doesn't know. "We're having twins?" he lingers, playing dumb.

"Don't be a smartass, Kev," Rebecca chides him. "You like her."

There's a certainty in his mother's voice that Kevin isn't sure he feels himself. Of course he likes Madison; but he doesn't know yet if he likes her in that way his mother is hinting at, real feelings involved or something deeper. It's a huge gamble with both their hearts on the line, navigating in this together without knowing the rules. One wrong roll of the dice and they'll both get burned. "She's easy to like," Kevin counters smoothly. "She's fun and sweet."

Rebecca bumps her elbow in his side. "Don't play dumb, it's not a good look on you. You _like_ her, and not because she's easy to like - which she is. That girl is a sweetheart. I see the way you look at her."

Kevin shakes his head. "I - I don't..." He doesn't, does he? Madison did tell him to tune it down, after all, but he thought...

"You don't look at her?" Rebecca offers sarcastically.

"Who's the smartass now?"

"I'm losing my mind, not my sight, Kevin," she deadpans. "Talk to me."

Kevin sighs. His mother is too insightful for his own good. She pretends to smell the roses, giving him a minute to make up his mind. "Okay, so there's this thing she said when she told me she was pregnant...and it's been playing in my head on repeat ever since," Kevin admits. "She said...that she was going to do this alone, that she wasn't asking anything of me, like..."

"Like she didn't think you would?"

"No, it's not that..."Kevin gnaws at his nail. "I mean, maybe there's a part of her that believed that. It's not like I really gave her any reason to believe I was a great guy, I basically ran from her bed and -"

Rebecca turns to him with the biggest frown he's ever seen on her. "You did what now?" she asks with her hands on her hips, Kevin feels ten all over again. "You spent the night with that girl and you _ran_?"

Sometimes Kevin forgets that his mom _is_ a girl, _too_ , and that admitting to being the guy who didn't even stay over for breakfast isn't the best idea. "Randall called," he tries to justify, but Rebecca doesn't look impressed. "Both he and Kate were feeling low, and we went to the cabin...it was complicated, anyway, I would have made things worse with Kate if I'd stayed..."

He runs a hand through his hair. He's hearing it, too - all dumb excuses. If he'd wanted to give this thing with Madison a try, if he'd told Kate it was serious, she would have accepted it. "And did you want to? _Stay_?" his mother asks. "Forget about your siblings for one moment. If there had been no phone call, what would you have done?"

Kevin chuckles. "You always have to go with the hard questions, don't you?"

"They're only hard if you already know the answer and aren't comfortable with it," Rebecca shrugs.

If William could have been a great owl in a Pixar movie, then his mom definitely would make an amazing mentor-like figure like the queen's driver in _The Princess Diaries_ \- except she's more down-to-earth, and has more of a _quit it with your bullshit_ approach to life than the next Disney character.

Kevin's been thinking about that morning, obviously; he stayed the night, he never had the intention to just run off like he did. He would have made pancakes or taken Madison out for an overpriced, organic smoothie; probably managed to persuade her into a repeat of the night before, spent the week-end in bed mapping out all the places that made her laugh or moan; maybe gone on that date she talked about. The time he spent with her had been some of the nicest he had in a long while; he would have done anything to make it last, even for just a few more hours - a few hours is probably all he would have really been able to invest himself in at the time, but still.

But then Randall had called, then Kate, and Kate found out and she was mad and it was just easier, sweeping it off under the rug and pretending he wasn't taking the coward way out. Leave it to his mother to refuse to let him pretend any more. "I would have stayed," he states simply. "And I'm staying now. I want her to know that, and...I'm not sure she does."

"Ah," Rebecca hums under her breath. "That's what's bothering you. What did she say, Kevin?"

Kevin glances at Madison. She's walking with Miguel, her hand tucked in his arm, gushing loudly over pretty flowers and telling him all about her Poppy Pearson runway project. God, she's adorable. "She said she didn't expect anything of me and that I could just go on and find my great love story." He bites at the inside of his cheek. "Do I - I'm not really great at this whole love thing, am I, Mom?"

"Love isn't something you're good or bad at," Rebecca reassures him. "But..."

"But?" he tilts his head to her, meeting her eyes. "What am I doing wrong, Mom?"

Rebecca shakes her head. "You're not doing anything wrong, baby. You're just - you put your big heart into everything you do. You _always_ go big, and sometimes..." She tugs at his sleeve. "Look around, what do you see?" When he frowns she insists. "Come on, Kevin. Tell me what you see."

Kevin breathes out slowly, trying to focus, he feels like he's back at school and the teacher asked him a question he didn't even understand. "Flowers?" he tries. "It's beautiful in here. Peaceful. There's, uh...just tons of flowers. Some whose names I don't even know, didn't know there were that many flowers, I guess that must have been a lot of work, finding a new name each time. I - I don't know, Mom. What am I supposed to see?"

Rebecca reaches out, holding onto his arm for support as she stirs him through the alleys. "It wasn't always pretty, it took a lot of work. At first it was just soil and seeds. The flowers had to grow and bloom and blossom. You...you've got that vision that love is great gestures and that's the way your father was, too. You take after him about that, the way you want to meet the love of your life and just sweep her off her feet."

She gives him a fond smile. Kevin's _terrified_ of the day when she'll start forgetting about her own great love. Their family is built on the myth of Jack Pearson; there's not a person who doesn't love stories about Jack and Rebecca and their love for the ages. All of his life Kevin has wished for a love like theirs, and he thought he'd found that with Sophie, high school sweethearts getting married and moving together to build a future and chase their dreams. It'd looked perfect on paper, and it'd felt pretty perfect until he screwed it up. Since then he's dived into every relationship with renewed hope, giving it his all, seeking that clarity his parents had, the certainty that they had found the one person who brought out the best in them, the person they wanted to build a life and a home with.

Kevin can't stand the idea of his mother forgetting that. These little moments in themselves weren't important; they were made important because his father was there. Every time Jack had said he loved her it wasn't to hear it back - it was so that she wouldn't forget. Kevin cannot imagine a world where his mother can't know that for sure.

"But love isn't _only_ about grand gestures. It's about the little things too, like..." She pauses, squeezes his arm. "Love is your baby boy making you dinner for your anniversary because he's scared you'll get a divorce. Love is washing the dishes together, worrying over every tiny thing about your children, having those private jokes that sound stupid to everyone else but the two of you..."

Kevin coughs, clearing his throat. "I thought I had that with Sophie...and then with Zoe, too." He bites at his lip. "Every time I think I've found my great love story, something just - messes it up. Maybe _I'm_ the one messing everything up. Maybe I'm not built for a love like that."

Rebecca shakes her head. "Mmh. I think - you keep _wanting_ to fall in love, Kev, but...loving someone is a _choice_ , it's a choice you keep making every day as you stand by them, walk with them..." She tips her chin in Madison's direction. "I _know_ you. You're going to do everything you can to find that spark, that rush you've felt before and...you need to be smart about this, Kevin. This isn't a movie, you can't just make yourself fall in love with that girl just because it'd fit this perfect, romantic narrative you've built up in your head. If it happens, I'll be so happy for the two of you. But...don't rush it, okay? Take your time."

"I want this to work," Kevin claims, "whatever this is. These are my kids, and I'm not gonna let anyone else raise them. I'm gonna be there," he insists.

"I know you are, baby. And you're going to be a great father, I just know it." She pats the spot over his heart. "You've always been good, Kev. No matter how many times you fall you always, _always_ rise to the occasion. I'm really happy for you - that you get to experience this too. And I cannot wait to meet my grandbabies." She smiles at him, cupping his cheek in her hand. "But you need to have a serious talk with Madison, and figure out how you're going to do this. Because someday, someone will realize that she's a great girl, or you'll follow that big heart of yours and find someone, and you'll regret not thinking this through before." She worries at her lip. "I'm not trying to burst your bubble, Kevin, I just - I don't want the two of you to fight and tear each other apart over these children in a few years, that's all."

No one gives his mother the credit she deserves, Kevin feels in that moment; she's the emotional rock they've all built themselves upon, the foundation of their family. She's the one who's always held them together and made the tough decisions, no matter how much grief they gave her for it over the years. She's always done her best to help them hold themselves to higher standards.

He nods. "You're right. You're so right, Mom, I just...I want to believe we can make this work. I know it's naive to believe everything will be easy, but..." He looks over at Madison again. It's crazy, how he can't help himself. He wants to know where she is, if she's okay, all the time; it reassures him, spending this week with her, and he likes it, getting to know her better, almost as if they were a real couple. If anything he wants them to be friends, people who can rely and depend on each other, for the babies, and if Madison realizes she can depend on him, too, for her, then Kevin will have won it all.

His mother stirs him back towards Miguel and Madison. "You don't have to figure everything out right now, but - just think about it, okay?" They reach them and catch the last of their conversation - Madison lamenting the fact that flower names aren't common for boys. "What are you two plotting about?"

"Miguel agrees that Poppy Pearson does sound really cute," Madison beams, sharing a private smile with Miguel. "As the grandfather I reckon he's got a vote in this too."

She's won the first round with Grandpa Miguel, all right, Kevin believes. He looks totally charmed. "And what if it's two boys?" he teases.

Madison all but _pouts_. "You're not even trying, Kevin."

He laughs. "No, no I'm not." He takes her elbow and leads her away. "Come on, it's time for tea."

* * *

Kevin stares at Miguel as he cooks, realizing it's probably the first time in years he's done anything with him, just the two of them; he's avoided being in this kind of situation, to be honest.

It's crazy, because Miguel is in a lot of memories Kevin has from his childhood, more than Kevin was ever aware of. It's been coming back to him the last few days as he anticipated this trip. Miguel was his father's best friend, coming over for dinner parties and games, family vacation, some of Kevin's games; he was something like the quiet uncle who sits in a corner and doesn't talk much but is somehow always there. In a way, Miguel has been a sort of brother to his father, like the one he'd had before losing Nicky to the war, and then Miguel had become a rock for his mother when Kevin himself didn't know how, or didn't want to - Kevin doesn't know anymore. All he knows is that he left and that perhaps one of the reasons why he resented Miguel so much was because he'd been there for Rebecca when Kevin wasn't. 

Thinking back on everything Miguel has done for his family, Kevin feels pretty ashamed he's let anger and resentment color their relationship so much that it now feels awkward engaging him in conversation, coming to him for advice, when there was a time he was as much a part of the family as any other Pearson. This is what his father would have wanted - for Miguel to be there, and for their family to stick together. "How did you first deal with it - being the outsider?" Kevin asks him. "I mean...you're not an outsider, but, uh..."

Miguel stops midway through chopping an onion. "I know what you mean."

He turns, briefly glancing at Rebecca and Madison who are chatting in the living-room. The house is much smaller than the one they had in Los Angeles but it's cozy, and from what he's gathered Miguel and his mom spend the major part of their week-ends exploring the city; they're lucky Miguel is much savvier with social media and texting than Rebecca and updates them regularly on what they're up to.

"It was hard, especially as I felt like I was failing your dad," Miguel starts cautiously. "I knew that if anything had happened to me, he would have done his best for Shelly and the kids, and seeing you three..." He pauses, gives Kevin a wistful smile. "You were the angry one, and it was hard, but your brother and sister...they weren't easy, either."

Kevin cocks an eyebrow at him, surprised. He'd never felt like Kate and Randall were as hostile towards Miguel as he was - it'd been the topic of one too many arguments between them, even, how easily they'd both accepted Miguel stepping into their dad's shoes. Kevin had always been the most adamant about it; the most hurtful, too.

"Randall was putting so much pressure on himself to be the man of the family," Miguel goes on, "I could just see him making himself half-mad because of it. It's - something that still worries me, sometimes, but, uh...I wasn't raised in a family where you talked about your feelings, you know?" He looks at Kevin with a knowing look. "Neither was your dad, it's just, not a thing men from our generation did. We bottled it up, sometimes drowned it down...So I never said anything when your brother started spiraling and checking on your mom all the time. And I didn't say anything when Kate started..."

Kevin can't help looking at Madison. Did anyone say anything when she started binge-eating and making herself sick? Did she have anyone she could go to when she felt trapped in her own body? Did anyone even _notice_? From what she said, even people at the support group were never really supportive of her; it's hard to imagine that her family was any better, not when she hasn't even mentioned telling them about the babies yet.

Was _he_ any better? He's watched Kate struggle with food and her body her entire life, and he's said nothing, either. He resented the attention she got from their parents, and the mean comments he heard all day at school, but he never did anything. And as they reached adulthood he was all too happy having her taking care of him and his career; he bought her a house, showered her with presents, but it wasn't what Kate needed - not that he knows what she needed because he never asked. His mother talked a lot about Kate's weight; his father denied she had a problem; Kevin sort of just stood by. How can he judge Madison's family without even knowing them?

"I didn't do anything for Kate, either," he tells Miguel regretfully. "I should have - she's my twin sister, I should have done something, she would have listened to me. I could have gotten through to her, helped her. I should have tried." It's about Mark, too. Kevin's hand tightens into a fist. If he hadn't left for New York he would have been there and he could have convinced Kate of how much of a creep that guy was, instead of sounding like the annoying, protective brother who only disliked his sister's boyfriend for no serious reason. "It's...it's not your fault, Miguel, it wasn't up to you to look after us. We should have looked after one another."

Miguel pats him on the shoulder. "There's no point beating ourselves up for the things we didn't do. There's still time." He puts the onions in the pan and starts slicing the chicken Kevin has been neglecting. "Why did you want to know about that, anyway? Something on your mind?"

"Several," Kevin huffs out a sigh. "I don't even know where to begin."

Kevin leans his hip against the kitchen counter, staring at his mother and Madison. She's showing Rebecca how to use Instagram; he's pretty sure that by the end of the night she'll have created an account for her. They're both gushing over pictures of the girls Beth shared; in a few months, Kevin can just see Madison being the type of mother posting stylish, elaborated pictures of the twins each month wearing matching superheroes costumes or something cute like that. How is he going to fit in that picture? Even if they do move in together for a few months, even if they raise these children together, they won't be a traditional family.

His mother is right - someday some guy will realize Madison is amazing and sweep her off her feet and then there will be another man in those pictures carrying _his_ kid on his shoulders, ruffling up their hair, hugging them. There will be exchanged words at doorways, Madison telling him how the week went, him telling her about a fever or a bad grade; two sets of family dinners and presents during holidays, someone else being there for his children's firsts. And maybe it's weird and unfair to think about it that way, but Kevin feels like Miguel can understand that - he was there when Randall and Kate got married and had kids of their own when Jack couldn't. He was there _but_ he was the outsider.

"I'm just - worried about...my place in this. How to be a father in these circumstances," Kevin tries to explain. "I'm not trying to be insensitive, but, you..."

"Know a couple of things about being a dad without kids," Miguel agrees morosely. "What you're doing with Madison - it has nothing to do with what happened between me and Shelly, Kevin. These babies are going to grow up with two parents who love them and care for them, no matter how you and Madison decide to handle this. They'll _know_ you love them." Miguel shakes his head to himself. "What happened with Amber and Andy was that I just wasn't there for them when they were younger. I was always at work, trying to provide for them...and I never realized that there were other things that mattered more. But _you_? Your children are not even born yet and you're going at great length to make sure their mother is happy and healthy, that she doesn't have to lift a finger...you're already a great dad, Kevin. I'm not worried about you."

Kevin feels oddly choked up as he swallows down, hard. "Thank you, Miguel. Really."

Miguel smiles at him warmly. "Now, can you actually work on these carrots? I'm trying to feed your girl here."

Kevin bumps him with his elbow. "Not my girl."

Miguel grins, then turns to the living-room. "Hey, Madison," he calls out. "How hungry are you?"

Madison looks up from Rebecca's iPad, then sniffs the air. "Are you making your spicy curry leek and carrot quiche?" she beams. "If so, I'm _ravenous_."

Miguel nods at her, grinning, too. "I remember how much you liked it. I'm adding chicken this time. Dinner should be ready in half an hour if your boy there speeds up on these carrots."

Madison turns to Kevin, eyes widening. "Well, what are you waiting for?" she urges him. "We're hungry here, and there's only so many pictures of your nieces I can watch before starting to think I had sex with the wrong brother, right?"

Kevin watches in horror as Madison bumps his mother with her elbow like they're girlfriends gossiping about their sex lives. Rebecca's mouth opens, and Kevin wipes his hand across his face. But then his mother starts laughing, so loud she's snorting, and Madison's laughing too, he can't help but join them.

* * *

"Oh my God, Miguel, this is amazing," Madison moans around a mouthful of quiche, a bit of lettuce stuck between her teeth that she worries at with her tongue. "Kevin, you need to learn how to make this. The babies love it."

Kevin grins. "If the babies love it, then."

His mother flicks her fingers at his ear. "Don't be cheeky and listen to what the lady says. You do not want to mess with a hungry, hormonal pregnant lady."

"Thank you," Madison says, smiling smugly. "God, you don't know how happy I am that you know - to be able to talk about this." There's a tiny wobble in her bottom lip, but she's still smiling. "I'm just really glad these babies will have grandparents to dot on them."

Miguel reaches for her hand, squeezing it. His mother gives Kevin a curious look. He assumed that her parents were alive because she never said otherwise, but she never said much about them other than the fact that they own - _owned?_ \- vineyards. But what if they passed away and Madison simply doesn't have anyone to tell about her pregnancy, no one but Kate and his family? Kevin tries placing a moment when she ever mentioned her family but comes up blank. Even back at Kate's house they'd only discussed telling his mom and Nicky, and Madison had let him plan the whole trip, shared his excitement without ever saying she wanted them to do her family next. He didn't ask, either.

Getting his mom and Madison to stop chatting and say goodnight happens to be a very difficult task. Madison is trying to win her over with her Poppy Pearson campaign and Rebecca is so excited to go shopping with Madison before dinner tomorrow that Miguel has to be the one reminding her that she needs her rest before the start of another week of trial. Tomorrow is their last day in St. Louis before they fly out to Bradford on Tuesday morning; they'll spend the day with Miguel, Kevin plans on asking him for advice about remodeling Madison's guestroom into a nursery, and then his mom and Madison will go shopping for the mom-to-be, which, Kevin is sure, will end up with him having to share some space in his own suitcase for the flight home because Madison already packed half her closet.

They're on their way back to the hotel when he can't help it anymore and asks. "Hey, so...is there anyone you want to tell about the babies?" He nervously chews on his lip. "I mean, I'd be happy to go with you..."

Madison looks up from where she'd been leaning her head against the car window; all of her energy vanished the instant they got into the car. He hears her turning and tossing all night, it was only a matter of time. She shakes her head to herself. "Kate's the only one I really wanted to tell."

There's a sadness in her tone that Kevin doesn't miss. It's such an inconceivable concept to him - imagining that a girl like Madison doesn't have friends. She's sweet and spontaneous, fun and friendly, refreshing and real; she makes him laugh and smile, he can't believe she doesn't charm everyone she meets. The more time he spends with her, the less he understands the guys who dumped her, or why she doesn't seem to have formed any real relationship with anyone but Kate and him. She's such a caring person, he can't help caring for her.

He wonders if she knows it, how kind and adorable and beautiful she is, or if that's distorted in the mirror, too. She deserves to know; Kevin knows a lot about what it feels like, hearing that voice in your head that keeps repeating you're not good enough, he can't bear the idea of Madison feeling like that. He wants her to know that she deserves to be loved, the good and the bad and the lovely because what she is, deep down, is _worth_ it.

Kevin watches from the corner of his eye as she absently strokes her hand over her belly. Sleeping by her side for the past couple of nights has made his hands ache from not being able to do the same, but that's just another level of intimacy he can't force on her. Kevin has been reading a lot about how vulnerable women can feel during pregnancy, with people staring at their belly or touching it without permission, he doesn't want to make her feel like she's just this human incubator to him.

"I don't - I don't have this loving family who'll be super excited about this," Madison confesses after a while. "Your mom...I'm sure she thinks this is all weird and out of the blue but she's _really_ excited, she's making me feel even happier about this. But _my_ mom?" She draws a shaky breath. "My mother is going to lecture me about not knowing how to use contraception at thirty-three and keeping the babies. And my brother...he's going to say I'm not strong enough to handle this on my own, and I just know that if I hear Chris say those words I'm gonna lose it..."

"Hey. You're _not_ alone," Kevin says, reaching out to take her hand. "You won't handle this on your own. And if you need me to, I can just punch your brother until it gets through his skull."

Madison laughs shakily, holding their joined hands to her chest like a teddy bear, Kevin believes he deserves an award for driving them back to the hotel safely. The moment they get inside their suite Madison seems to lose it, a dam that's been standing for too long breaking. "You know, my brother, he's this perfect son. He's smart, he was brilliant in school, he's taken over our parents' winery and he's made it even more successful. And when I was younger...God, he was an amazing brother." A lone tear rolls down her cheek that she wipes at, looking annoyed at herself. "He was ten when I was born so he was always very protective of me, always taking care of me. He, uh, he was my prince charming as a kid, I always dreamed of meeting a man who was just like him when I grew up. That's silly, I know."

"Doesn't sound silly to me," Kevin says softly.

Madison goes to the balcony, hiding her face from him. He lets her; stays inside and stares at the way her shoulders heave softly as she silently cries. It _kills_ him. "Then he went off to college and it was just me and Lauren, and...I realized she was just like Chris, brilliant and beautiful and I just wanted to be like her, but...it's like, it wasn't enough to be like her because she'd done it all _before_ me, you know? It didn't matter that I got a good grade because Lauren had already won the science fair, or that I won Miss Santa Monica Teen because _look at Lauren_ , she's so pretty she could run for Miss USA. But I loved her _so much_ , and we were so close growing up, I was never mad at her. I was mad at _myself_ for not being good enough like they were."

Kevin never expected to see so much of himself in her, the pretty smiles, the thin disguise of someone who's always peppy and smooth and hides their pain so well, they forget about it until it comes crushing down, an ebbing tide and cresting waves that wash down everything on their path. Takes one to know one, after all.

He goes to her despite his vow to let her be, and wraps his arms around her from behind, tucking his chin in the crook of her neck. Madison's fists around the railings loosen. "I know I'm the worst person to give any kind of advice about siblings right now, but...I know how you feel. I know _exactly_ how it feels, believing that you're the anomaly, the one who's not as talented or smart or kind as the others, and...I don't know your family, okay? But I know _you_ , and I know our children will love you so, so much, Madison. You're the one carrying them, making all these efforts to keep them healthy even if it's messing with your head. So it doesn't matter if you're not a brainiac like your brother and sister, because you're a great mom and that's all you. You did that on your own."

Madison tilts her head to him; her cheek presses against his nose. "You really believe so?" she asks in such a low, weak voice, he's not sure he'll ever be able to let her go. He wants to keep her safe in his arms, where ghosts of trauma past won't reach.

"I _know_ so." He squeezes her tighter. Madison covers his hands with her own.

"Sometimes I get so afraid that I'll never get over this - that I'm always going to be damaged goods, no matter how hard I try." She inhales sharply, shaking her head. "I'm tired, Kevin, I'm so tired of feeling like this."

"You're not damaged. God, you're not," Kevin insists desperately. "What can I do to help?"

She lifts a hand to her face, wiping her eyes. "I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm just really tired, I don't know what got over me."

Madison tries to get away from him but Kevin holds on to her, turning her to face him. Kevin strokes his thumb across her cheek. "How about I draw you a bath, uh? Or we could try those face masks, you know, have a girls night? I'm sure we can find _Notting Hill_ on the video on demand service." It draws the tiniest smile out of her. "There you go," he smiles at her. "I'll even let you paint my nails if that can make you feel better, all right? You just name it."

Her eyes are still gleaming with tears, but she nods her head. Then Madison goes very still, her eyes widening. "Give me your hand," she says, tugging at his hand and placing it atop her belly. "Just - _wait_." She's almost holding her breath. "Can you -"

She laughs tearfully as he feels it, a light kick right beneath his palm. Kevin doesn't even know if it's a proper kick or one of the twins just moving around, but it's the first time he's been able to feel a real connection to the babies other than hearing their heartbeats during the ultrasound, he feels giddy.

Madison starts giggling louder, bringing a trembling hand to her mouth, but her smile is so big he can still see it, and Kevin can't help it when he cups her cheek and nudges her fingers away, seeking her lips with his. He feels her surprised gasp, the fingers laced around his wrist loosening, and he's pulling away when she uses both her hands to bring him back to her, her fingers shaking as she fists the fabric of his shirt and kisses him back, slow and unsure at first, then bolder as he backs her into the wall.

Kevin threads his fingers in her hair, stroking her pulse point with his thumb. It's erratic like his, his heartbeat drumming in his ears; the need for oxygen is the only thing making him reluctantly pull away. Madison follows, catching his bottom lip with a nip of her teeth, the tip of her tongue soothing the sting.

Kevin takes her in, tousled locks from his fingers, eyes shining, wide and dazed; bottom lip full and red, her cheeks flushing. If he were to paint this moment he'd choose carmine or cranberry shades, some royal and sky blue, goldfinch and golden poppy and tiny specks of tangerine; perhaps he'll give it a try once he's back home. For now he can't help touching her, running his fingers down her shoulder and arm as Madison softly giggles.

"That was..." She looks down, her cheeks bright red. She grabs for his hand and places it back on her belly. This time the kick he feels is stronger. "You woke them up," Madison lets out with a chuckle.

He trails a path of kisses behind her ear. "Yeah, I think we're _both_ to blame there."

Madison weakly slaps at his chest. "Well, you're not the one who's gonna spend the night trying to sleep with these two jumping around in there, so..." She licks at her lips and Kevin kisses her again, just a soft peck. He can feel her grin against his mouth. "That was...a lot of excitement for one night."

There's giddiness and a bit of worry mixed in her eyes, but no regret - the only thing Kevin does regret himself is the way he's treated her before, but not this kiss, nor that night at her house, the babies, getting to know her and starting to fall for her. They've got the worst timing in the world, and perhaps that's what makes this all the more special, all the more _right_.

"Then you find us some cheesy romcom and I'll make tea," Kevin suggests, leading her to the couch. "You get ready for the wildest night of your life, Madison Simons."

* * *

"Kevin, wake up. You've got to wake up."

Being almost forty sucks, Kevin reckons as he slowly blinks his eyes open and cranes his neck towards the light filtering from the cracked open bathroom door with an audible _pop_. He rubs at his neck, wrinkling his nose; they must have fallen asleep while watching TV, and he's definitely too old for that, his back is killing him.

Madison's features come into view, he has to blink another couple of times before she stops looking so blurry. She looks so pale, all the color drained from her face, it frightens him awake in no time. "Hey, what's up?" Kevin asks, feeling his throat closing up with the fear. He reaches for her, brushing her hair away from her eyes. "Madison."

Her bottom lip wobbles. "There's - something is wrong, Kevin," she whimpers, the fingers of one hand wrapped in the hem of her nightdress. "I think we need to go to the hospital."

Kevin looks around, panic rising in him that he swallows down with a taste of bile. Even in the darkness he can see the blood stains on the spot on the couch where Madison had been.

* * *

_to be continued_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a sarcastic reply on the tip of her tongue when Madison feels a kick against her palm. 
> 
> She keeps it to herself though, keeps her face neutral; she wants to believe this is a good sign that the babies are still there and healthy, but she doesn't want to get Kevin's hopes up.
> 
> She stopped watching Grey's Anatomy when April lost her baby - she's not taking any chances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing @flythesail for posting this for me in my no-laptop hell! 
> 
> This is the last chapter I completed so far, and without a laptop I can't promise a lot of writing this week so be patient! As always, hope you enjoy!

Madison watches with wide eyes as Kevin goes from panic to in-control mode. She'd be impressed with how quickly he manages to school his features and swallow his fear down if she weren't totally terrified.

She feels like a ragdoll in his hands as he runs them over her body, feeling her clammy forehead for fever, lightly pressing into her sides, slowly tracing her bump as if he were checking for an injury. "Are you still bleeding? Where does it hurt?" he asks, his voice still hoarse from sleep. He sounds so soft though, she imagines this is his daddy voice - how he'll sound when he tells the kids that there is no monster under the bed, or when he picks them up and takes care of a scraped knee, promising it won't hurt as he cleans the bruised skin.

Madison shakes her head weakly. _Nothing_ hurts - it should be reassuring but it's not, it feels the exact opposite, a silent enemy taking control of her body and wreaking havoc from the inside with no one the wiser. "No," she tells him. "I just woke up because I needed to pee, and...there was blood sticking to my skin and then I saw the blood on the couch too..."

Madison presses her eyes tightly shut, covering her face with her hands. This _can't_ be happening. Dr. Mason warned her about spotting or bleeding during the first trimester, she knows the signs of a miscarriage; she's read that it can also happen later on during the pregnancy, sometimes because of too much exercise, and she's been careful. She's been napping on days she felt tired, let Kevin coddle her - she's done everything by the book, eating well and sleeping as best she can, taking all the vitamins, listening to all the right podcasts. She's even been looking at birthing classes.

Which means that if anything is wrong, it's _her_.

Kevin cups her face, and his voice is as firm as his hands as he speaks, so calm and collected Madison hangs onto his every word. "We're going to get you cleaned up and dressed, okay? And then we'll go to the hospital, we're only ten minutes away and I'm not letting them keep us waiting, all right? Just - hold on, Madison. I'm here, okay?"

He presses a kiss to her forehead and Madison holds onto his wrists, keeping him close. "I'm sorry, Kevin, I -"

"Hey, don't talk like that." He pulls her to him, tucking her head under his chin. "You did nothing wrong, you hear me? So don't go blaming yourself when we don't even know what's happening yet. Come on," he leads her to the bathroom with an arm around her. "I'll get you a change of clothes while you grab a quick shower, all right?"

She falls on autopilot; piles her hair atop her head and undresses and gets under the hot water, watching anxiously as the water turns pinkish and spirals down the drain. There's not _that_ much blood, Madison tells herself again and again as she scrubs her skin clean; she doesn't feel feverish, isn't feeling any cramps of pain. She focuses on that train of thoughts as she hears the bathroom door click open and Kevin coming in. "Got you a dress and clean underwear," he calls out. "And I packed a bag, just in case...I'll, uh, I'll let you -"

"Stay?" Madison calls out, trying to hide the shaking in her voice with her hand against her trembling lips. "Please? Just - talk to me?"

"Yeah, sure," Kevin calls back. "Tell me what's your favorite song?"

"I - I don't know," Madison shakes her head, which is silly because he _can't_ see her through the shower curtain. 

"Oh, come on, everyone has a favorite song, Madison," he keeps it light, he's making such an effort for her. "Don't over think it. Mine's a song by The Smiths, _There is a light that never goes out_. Did you know no member of the group is actually named Smith? I read somewhere that they chose it because it was an ordinary name and they wanted ordinary people to shine, or something like that."

Madison turns off the tap, peeks at Kevin from behind the curtain. "Can you hand me my bathrobe, please?" He does, turning his face to the side and hiding his eyes with his hand as she puts it on. He's _adorable_ , Madison can't help the fresh tears that roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, Madison," Kevin speaks her name so gently, she cries even more. "Hey, come on, breathe. Okay, slow, deep breaths for me?"

She shakes her head. "I'm fine," Madison insists, even though she can see why he's doubting it. "Tell me - why is that your favorite song?"

Kevin runs his hands over her bathrobe, drying her off. "I was, twelve, maybe thirteen, I can't remember, and, uh, my mom and Kate and Randall, they got this stomach bug, it was...God, it was _horrible_. I can still hear the sound of them retching, and we only had one bathroom, you know, so..." 

"That - that doesn't sound like a great story," Madison chuckles, small and wobbly still. 

Kevin laughs. "No, yeah, I can hear it, too. But, anyway, my dad and I, we drove to the store to get chicken soup and I could see he was stalling, you know? Didn't want to go home just yet to all this puking and having to clean it, so we decided to just go for it, make the most of it to get that book Randall had been talking about, and those CDs Kate wanted, and that was pretty selfish of us but we were the only two ones who weren't sick and we just needed an hour away, you know? So, after an hour or so we go back to the house, right? And my dad opens the door and we can just _hear_ Kate throwing up, and my mom's comforting her, and my dad?" He smiles at her, puts a finger to his mouth. "My dad looks at me and puts his finger on his mouth and retreats back. So we close the door and we get back into the car and we just listen to the radio for a while because none of us wanted to go back just yet. And this song comes up on the radio. _Take me out tonight_ ," he starts singing, off-key and ridiculous and Madison clings to it, to the laughter in his voice, " _where there's music and there's people and they're young and alive_." 

Madison grabs his arm for support as she puts on her underwear; Kevin turns around with both hands on his eyes as she ditches the bathrobe and puts on her dress. "And did she ever find out, your mom? That you two just stayed there in the car?"

"Yeah," he chuckles, "because at some point we just started singing along, loud and so off-key, she came to the door to see what that noise was, and so here she stood in her old cardigan, pale and greenish and livid." He shakes his head. "Three days later we were both sick, and we had to stay in bed while Randall read us that science book we got him, but...it was _worth_ it. That was a fun afternoon with my dad."

Madison can picture it easily; Kate's told her so many stories about her dad, how great he was, she can just imagine how great of a moment it must have been to a younger Kevin, getting his dad all to himself. She doesn't remember a lot of moments like that with her own parents; they were always busy at work, and it was Christopher who took care of her and her sister. He's the one she remembers chasing her around in the vineyards while they played hide-and-seek even if he was too old for those games; Christopher who helped with her homework and made her hot cocoa when she woke up early on Saturdays to watch cartoons on TV. It makes her even more glad they're having twins - she wants her children to know what it's like, having the unconditional love of a sibling.

They're in the elevator when she finds her answer. "I was a huge Britney fan, okay? And I always loved _Stronger_ , there was just something to the lyrics...I don't know, I was a weird teen, it spoke to me."

" _My loneliness ain't killing me no more_ ," Kevin sing-songs. "Jesus, I was, like, twenty when that came out? You're so _young_."

"I'm turning thirty-four in July," Madison says. "It's not like I'm barely legal."

"Thank God for that," Kevin lets out with a chuckle. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulls her to his side as they come out of the elevator. "Favorite Disney movie? I need to know if we're compatible on that front, you know, for the sake of the children's education."

Madison can't help snort-laughing; even in dire situations Kevin manages to bring that out of her. She wipes at her eyes and nose, softens as Kevin brushes the hem of his sleeve on her cheek. He wraps his jacket around her shoulders before helping her into the car; it's warm and it smells good, Madison curls into it.

She watches as he puts the address of the hospital in the GPS without even checking on his phone before. "How do you even know we're ten minutes away from the nearest hospital?" she asks him, confused. She doesn't remember seeing any sign.

"I checked before I chose this hotel," Kevin answers casually. "I wanted somewhere close, in case you needed anything. There's also a 24/7 drugstore just around the corner, for midnight snacks, which you don't seem to have. That kinda reassures me, because I've read some women eat nachos with melted chocolate and I don't think I'm ready for that." He tilts his head to her. "I do my research."

Madison smiles at him. "I can see that. And, uh, I see what you're doing - distracting me - and...it's working." She reaches out for his hand, pulls it to her belly and keeps it there. "We're raising these babies to _Aladdin_ and _A whole new world_. I had this little Jasmine outfit as a kid, I loved it, I used to wear it at my brother's lacrosse games, like I was his own cheerleader. I think that's when I decided I wanted to be one later," Madison muses.

"You still have it?"

Madison rolls her eyes. "I was _six_ , Kevin. I couldn't even fit my arm through the pant leg if I tried."

"No, I meant the cheerleader uniform," Kevin clarifies with a wolfish grin. 

Madison swats his hand. "I'm four months pregnant, how can you even think about that?"

" _Because_ you're pregnant and looking hot as hell?"

She takes a page from his mother's book and flicks at his ear with her fingers. "Favorite Disney movie?" Madison rolls her eyes again. One kiss and his brain went to sex instantly even though she looks like a baby whale. _Men_.

"You know, when I was a kid I really liked the ones with animals. _Robin Hood_ , _The Great Mouse Detective_ , and _The Rescuers_ . But a few years back I saw _Zootopia_ with Tess and Annie and that's my new favorite." He turns to her. "Is it lame if I say I liked it even more than they did? Or does that turn you on, my whole young-at-heart thing?"

She thinks of his lips on hers, his teeth nibbling at that spot behind her ear last night, the heat that went through her as he touched her. Madison shakes her head. "Disney movies are _not_ on my turn-on list, nope."

"So there _is_ a list," Kevin hums. "Interesting. Wanna share any favorites?"

There's a sarcastic reply on the tip of her tongue when Madison feels a kick against her palm. She keeps it to herself though, keeps her face neutral; she wants to believe this is a good sign that the babies are still there and healthy, but she doesn't want to get Kevin's hopes up. She stopped watching _Grey's Anatomy_ when April lost her baby - she's not taking any chances.

* * *

Kevin doesn't get to go all mama hen over her at the E.R.; as soon as he says the words _pregnant_ and _bleeding_ , the nurse at the front desk hands them a form to fill out and tells them someone will be there for them soon. The waiting-room isn't even half-full.

Madison fills out all the basic information until she reaches the next-of-kin line. Until now she always put Lauren's name down and felt very lucky that she's never had to use it. She bites at her lip as she looks at Kevin. "They, uh, they're asking for a next-of-kin..."

He takes the form from her and writes his name and info down. "When we're back home you should probably add Kate, too, you know. I'll have an assistant keep my phone with them while I'm on set but you never know," he says. Kevin turns to her, looking dead serious. "I can still drop the movie. I could stay with you all day," he offers.

Madison cups his jaw. "That's very sweet, Kevin, but you don't need to. You're not gonna spend the next five months at my side like a Labrador."

He holds onto her wrist, strokes his thumb across her skin in soothing circles. "But I _am_ sweet-faced and highly lovable."

Kevin leans in, pressing a tender kiss to the very corner of her mouth; Madison would barely have to move for a proper kiss. Instead she hides her face in his neck, breathing him in, listening to the slow, steady beat of his heart. "You do make a friendly, high-spirited companion for children."

"And you don't need to scoop my poop, I'm great that way," he chuckles, running his fingers in her hair.

"It's cute that you're proud of that."

"Well, it's not like a real dog does it, right? So I'm smarter."

"Dogs trained us to scoop their poop for them," Madison counters. "If you go like that, they're the smart ones."

They get interrupted mid-pout as a nurse finally comes for them. She checks Madison's blood pressure, temperature, and draws some blood for testing. Kevin holds her hand, though he's the one looking like he might faint at the sight of the needle piercing her skin. The nurse goes through Madison's form with her, asking a few questions about the treatments she's on and her medical history. Madison's pretty surprised to see Kevin pulling out her prenatal vitamins from the bag he packed, along with the notes he took during their appointment with Dr. Mason in April, the pamphlet he gave him, and baby pictures. "You carry that around with you?" she asks him, stunned.

Kevin nods his head. The nurse gives them a fond smile. "It's always good to come prepared. You've got a good one there."

Madison returns her smile. "Yeah, I know."

"I'll fill Dr. Zheng in and she'll be with you shortly," the nurse tells them. "If you feel any pain or start bleeding again, you can press on that button and someone will be there with you, all right?"

Madison nods and thanks her. She watches as Kevin follows the nurse out, and can only guess at what he's asking her. When he comes back she gives him a pointed look. "I hope you didn't harass that poor nurse and asked her to hurry that doctor up."

"It doesn't hurt to ask!" Kevin whines as he returns to the stool at her bedside. He takes her hand in his. "It doesn't hurt, right? You'd tell them? Don't play tough."

"I have to, you nearly fainted when she stabbed me with that needle," she tries to tease him. He gives her a look that tells her it's not funny; Madison softens. "It doesn't hurt, I swear. That's what scares me the most." She bites at her lip, averting her gaze. "What if something's wrong and I can't even feel it? How am I supposed to _stop_ it?"

Uttering the thought paralyzes her. Madison may follow all the specialists' advice, what can she truly do against her own body? When has she ever been in full control? What if she has a hostile uterus like Meredith did? That show surely didn't help her believe in happy endings for messed-up people like her.

"There's no point driving yourself crazy with what-ifs, Madison," Kevin reassures her. "Until we've seen the doctor and she's examined you there's no reason to believe anything is wrong." 

He's being logical, even if one look at his face tells Madison that he's just as frightened as she is; he may be a good actor but he's not that great in this moment, and somehow that's what helps her breathe a little easier. They're in this together.

"Want to think about names?" Kevin suggests. "What do you think we're having? I'm going for two girls."

"Why two girls?"

"I don't know, I can just feel it," Kevin shrugs. "Besides, girl clothes are cuter. What do you think?"

Madison hasn't really thought about it, besides praying for the babies to be healthy. She can't pretend she doesn't wish for a little girl with his eyes, though. "Boy and girl. I mean, if I could pick, I'd want both."

Kevin ponders it for a minute. "I don't know if I'd be any good with a boy." He waves vaguely at himself. "I don't want him to be like me."

Madison wonders how much it took for Kevin to doubt himself so. She remembers seeing him on a _Top Ten Hottest Actors on TV_ list a few years ago - and thinking he deserved to rank higher than this guy from the cop show; he's graduated from fun and sexy TV star to this deeper, better version of himself in quality movies. From what she's experienced he's a great brother and uncle. So, sure, he's made some bad choices, acted like a dick more than a couple times. Kevin has a failed marriage under his belt and a history with addiction - he's not perfect, she's not saying that. But deep down, he's a good guy when it matters; having flaws doesn't disqualify him in her book. 

Madison leans up, tentatively pressing a soft kiss to his mouth, her hand cupping his neck. She lingers just long enough that they both breathe a little heavier as she pulls back. "If we're having a boy I want him to be just like you," Madison tells him firmly, sweeping her thumb across his pulse. "Because you're sweet and kind and patient, and you're always taking care of everyone around you. Our children are lucky to have you as their father to look up to."

Kevin's face is a whole journey. First he looks ready to argue; then there's this shadow that flickers in his gaze, something gleaming in his eyes; then he shakes his head, kisses the back of her hand. "Still want to choose names with the same initials?" Madison nods. "Okay, then. I'll just recite the alphabet in my head and you say when."

Madison stares at him, recites the alphabet in her head too. "Stop."

Kevin narrows his eyes at her. "P. You did it on purpose, right?"

She gives him a mischievous smile. "You can't prove it. I'll go first. Poppy for a girl, obviously. Parker for a boy."

Kevin shakes his head. "If you're gonna name our imaginary daughter Poppy, might as well call her brother Peeta or some weird name like that. At least they'll match." Madison glares at him. "Paige or Paisley for a girl. I like Penny, too. I like Parker for a boy too."

"You have to pick another name," Madison insists. "If it's two boys we can't name them both Parker."

"I don't work my best under pressure," Kevin complains as he looks on his phone for another name. "Honestly P is just not a great letter. We should just drop it. You recite the alphabet." He watches her face carefully, and Madison realizes he's making sure she doesn't pretend to fall on P again; she has to start from the start again. "Stop."

"B."

"Benjamin for a boy. Brianna for a girl. I like Bianca, too."

Madison nods. "Bianca, that's pretty. I like Bellamy. Goes for both a boy and a girl. Or Brooklyn."

Kevin shakes his head. "No, no. We're not going with city names. No Brooklyn, no London, no Copenhagen."

"Who do you think I am? _Seriously_ ," Madison rolls her eyes. "Choose another letter."

"L? Right between K and M?"

"Oooh," Madison says. "Why didn't I think about it? Lena? Lana? Lavender?"

Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. "What is it with you and flower names?"

Madison blushes. She loves flowers and always makes sure her house is filled with them; but it's the memory of that night, of Kevin in her bed, tangled in her flowery sheets, that makes her even fonder of them. She hadn't noticed the connection until the moment she saw that half the baby girl names she had on her list were flower names. 

She _does_ believe that Poppy Pearson sounds cute in and out of itself, though. 

A doctor comes in before she has to answer, grabbing her chart. "Miss Simons, Mr. Pearson. My name is Dr. Zheng. I'm going to be the one examining you. How are you feeling?" she asks, grabbing a stool and sitting on the other side of Madison's bed. She reaches for her hand, putting two fingers to her wrist. 

"Okay, I guess," Madison answers. "I'm not - nothing hurts, but..."

"But you're feeling anxious and scared, aren't you?" Dr. Zheng offers kindly. "Your pulse seems fine, you're doing great. Can you breathe for me? In and out. You take a deep breath," she does the same, "then you exhale as slowly as you can. You're doing so good." She turns to Kevin. "You both did good, coming here. I know bleeding during a pregnancy can be particularly anxiety-inducing, and you're both doing great, keeping calm like you are. Things like that happen, it's not abnormal, and it doesn't necessarily mean that anything is wrong with you or your babies. The lab is testing your blood for hormonal levels, mostly. It's what we look at first during the second trimester of a pregnancy. I'm going to have to ask you a few questions again and examine you, if that's okay?"

Madison nods her head. Dr. Zheng has a very soothing voice; everything she says sounds logical and reassuring, even if Madison can still feel the knot in her throat, the painful way her heart collides against her chest. "It wasn't just spotting," she says, almost sounding like she's justifying herself. "I mean, there _was_ blood, not just a little bit of blood. My underwear was soaked, and I had blood running down my thighs..."

She turns to Kevin, expecting him to be wincing or grimacing; sex definitely must be the _last_ thing on his mind now. Instead he's nodding his head as she speaks. "But she didn't feel any pain. That's a good sign, right?" he asks, hopeful.

Dr. Zheng ponders it. "There's no sign of a fever, but we'll need your test results to check for an infection. No cramps either?" Madison shakes her head. "Did you change anything to your routine in recent days? Like, did you feel more exhausted? Did you have to put on more efforts at work?"

"We flew in from Los Angeles three days ago," Kevin says. "Could that - is it possible that it caused this? Like, I don't know, like when your ears are buzzing and then there's this _pop_ like when you're underwater too long?"

Dr. Zheng's lips curl into a tiny smile. "I'm not certain it quite works like that, Mr. Pearson," she says. "It's a common misconception that flying is risky for pregnant women. This is mostly due to airlines being scared that a woman would go into labor during a long flight. But, at the end of the day, there isn't a lot a pregnant woman cannot or should not do - it just takes more planning and thought than otherwise." She looks at Madison's charts. "You look perfectly healthy to me. Your blood pressure is a bit higher than I'd like, but it's normal considering the stress you're under right now. You don't have a fever, you're no longer bleeding...did you have a particularly exhausting day?"

"No," Madison replies. "We went to the botanical garden, just took a stroll. It was nice."

Dr. Zheng nods to herself. "Any recent sexual activity?"

Heat flares in Madison's cheeks. She shakes her head so fast, some tendrils of hair escape her bun. "No, nope."

Dr. Zheng nods her head again. "Okay. Well, we're going to check you up now, so, Mr. Pearson, if you please, could you wait outside for a bit?"

"The answer isn't going to change," Madison adds quickly. "I didn't sleep with anyone since we..." She waves at Kevin, hating the burning in her cheeks. 

"I don't doubt that," Dr. Zheng says with a sympathetic smile, the wrinkles around her eyes both from amusement and age, Madison feels like she's sitting down with her late grandmother having the weirdest, most uncomfortable discussion ever. "I just need to examine you and you deserve your privacy in that moment."

Madison feels like she's sixteen all over again, back when Lauren had barged into her room, closing the door behind her with an impending sense of drama, and given her a very embarrassing, very detailed talk about boys and what they wanted and how to be smart about it if she wanted the same things too like the two years she had on Madison made her some love expert and sex guru. Compared to what her mother had said when she'd thought Madison was pregnant a year later, it feels pretty tame now; at least Lauren had wanted her to make smart choices and enjoy the experience, whereas her mother had just talked and talked at length about how stupid she must have been to believe a seventeen year-old boy when he told her he _got it_.

Kevin doesn't move. He looks more torn than frozen in embarrassment, so Madison gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You don't want to hear any more about me bleeding or see things you cannot _unsee_ ," she tells him.

She watches as he gulps hard. Madison might wait before suggesting they go to birthing classes together, they always show videos that no one wants to see. "Maybe you're right," Kevin agrees. He leans down, pressing a kiss to her forehead and gently stroking her hair. "I'll be in the waiting room."

Madison watches him go with a pang to her heart. Dr. Zheng stirs her stool closer. "All right. I read on your chart that both you and your partner are dealing with some pretty significant issues," she starts. "How have you both been doing so far?" she asks kindly.

Madison bites at her lip. Until then she'd thought they were doing pretty well, but now... Now she's scared of what this will do to Kevin. She remembers how nervous he'd been that one time she hadn't answered her phone; how is he going to react to bad news, or this kind of stressful situation? His sponsor and familiar support group are thousands of miles away. He's about to start shooting a movie that will keep him away all day, and then out of state for two weeks. She doesn't want him spiraling out of control out of worry for her and the babies.

"We're holding on," Madison simply replies. "We, uh, actually we flew here to see his family and tell them about the babies."

"Oh, that's nice. My son sent me a glitter bomb to announce his wife's second pregnancy..." Dr. Zheng shudders. "Sometimes I still find glitter in my kitchen drawers." Madison laughs, and the older woman pats her hand. "Good, I want you to relax now, I'm going to examine you. I'm going to check if everything is normal with your cervix, or if I can spot any cause for the bleeding. I know this isn't the nicest situation but I'm going to need you to keep calm and continue breathing, just like you've been doing."

Madison stares at the ceiling, breathing deeply. It took her years to find a doctor she could trust and feel at-ease with. The doctor she was seeing before she found Dr. Mason was young and very kind, but he had a habit of trying to make jokes all the time which sort of felt very weird when he was examining her down there; he was very sex-positive and sensitive but Madison just couldn't stand his _Sex & The City _ references anymore. She'd had another doctor before him that she'd seen only once; the old woman wasn't gentle at all. Madison doesn't even remember how many doctors she's seen through the years; there are the ones who had an opinion about everything she was doing wrong, about her eating disorder; the ones who kept telling her she was young and pretty and shouldn't feel bad about her body like she was choosing to on purpose. The one thing she does remember in excruciating details, though, is the doctor who told her she was never going to have children. As long as Madison lives she'll never forget how everything else had just faded around her, the weight of those words ringing in her ears, the almost casual tone, not quite cold but at total odds with the life-changing news.

She can't help the tears that pool at the corners of her eyes. Dr. Zheng stops midway through putting on gloves and rubs her hand down her arm in a soothing pattern. "Now, now. Take a deep breath for me, dear, all right? Deep breath. Why don't you tell me how you and your man met?" she encourages her. "You don't often get to hear nice stories during the night shift, people come in scared and upset and exhausted. But seeing the way he looks at you, I bet this is a good one."

Madison rubs at her eyes with both hands, hiding behind them as she takes a deep breath and tries to regulate her breathing. She rubs her thumb between her brows and exhales shakily as she feels Dr. Zheng's hands pressing on her lower stomach; Madison bites down on her bottom lip. "Uh, we, uh, we met at his sister's wedding, a couple of years ago. We flirted a bit, shared a dance or two."

"That sounds like those movies you kids love nowadays," Dr. Zheng muses. "My daughter-in-law, she loves those movies. High school sweethearts, strangers snowed-in, exes getting a second chance...all this stuff." She bends Madison's knees up. "All right, here's what's going to happen now. This is just a simple pelvic exam. I'm going to take a look and see if I can spot any abnormalities, anything that could have caused the bleeding. I'm also going to get a sample of cells for the lab. If you feel any discomfort or pain, you tell me."

Madison nods her head; she almost wants to ask that Kevin come back. She tucks her tongue behind her teeth and twines the fingers of one hand in the strands of her hair. "We - we just told his mother, and we're supposed to fly out to Pennsylvania tomorrow to tell his uncle. I can't..."

"You aren't bleeding anymore, and I don't see any reason why it should start again," Dr. Zheng reassures her. "I know this is scary, I get it, but right now I need you to remain calm so this doesn't hurt. Tell me about that wedding. You flirted and danced. You've been together since?"

"No, no. This - this is a recent development," Madison laughs, wiping at her eyes. "About four-months-long."

"Ah. Well, it looks to me like this is a _happy_ development for the both of you," Dr. Zheng notes. "Any pain when I press my fingers here?" she asks. Madison shakes her head. She usually ranks examinations at the OB/GYN about as high as dinners with her family in her personal circles of hell, but she's felt worse. "Okay, this is good. I don't see anything wrong. Everything is the shape or size it should be. We're going to do an ultrasound to check on the babies but so far I don't see any reason to believe that this was anything other than light bleeding, all right? It happens. Most women who experience bleeding during early pregnancy go on to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. _Babies_ , in your case."

Dr. Zheng takes off her gloves and goes to the corner sink to wash her hands. Madison hugs her knees to herself as best as she can with her growing belly. "So, I...I didn't do anything wrong?" she asks, sobs catching in her throat. 

The older woman comes back to sit at Madison's side. "No, you didn't. Bleeding happens. You're doing everything you can to be healthy so your babies are too. You know, the nurse who saw you before filled me in - most people aren't that straightforward about their personal and medical history. A lot of people try to hide their issues. But you, you and your man out there? You came in here asking for help and being very earnest about it. As far as I'm concerned, that's the farthest thing from doing something wrong."

Madison starts crying in earnest then. One would think it's a comfort, hearing she's done nothing wrong, but...if she's done nothing wrong, then why is this happening to her? Why isn't she part of the women who _don't_ experience bleeding during their pregnancy? Why isn't she that woman from commercials, glowing and looking like it's the easiest thing in the world, growing life inside her?

Dr. Zheng pats her hand. "Hey, now. I've been working here for twenty-seven years, you know, and most people say I'm the gentlest, so no need for these tears, all right, dear?" She hands her the box of tissues. "It'll take a few hours for the lab results to come back. I'm going to prescribe you something so you can relax and sleep, and then I want you to get some blood tests over the course of the next week, you know, to check on your hormone levels. Try and rest as much as you can, but other than that, you're fine."

Madison strokes her hand over her belly. The babies have been quiet again; she won't breathe easy until she sees them on the monitor screen. "Is - is there anything I can do? Anything else? Just to stay on the safe side."

Dr. Zheng gives her a soft smile. "Seems to me like you're doing great already. If you're okay with that I'll send your results over to your doctor in Los Angeles, and you should schedule an appointment with him when you get back. Maybe see if you need to switch up some of the vitamins you're taking, or get more rest, dial down on work. But I truly believe this is just some bump on the road. Still, it's better to be safe than sorry, so, take it easy for the rest of your trip. No hiking or anything."

Madison laughs. "Hiking is definitely _not_ my thing anyway."

* * *

When Kevin is allowed back into the room he takes one look at Madison's face - she doesn't need a mirror to know her eyes are puffy red and that she looks like hell - and then he's glaring at Dr. Zheng's back like she's personally responsible for Madison's crying.

Madison reaches out with her hand, beckoning him closer. "I'm okay," she reassures him instantly. "You can drop the murder eyes."

Kevin squeezes her hand to the point where it almost hurts, then he wraps his arm behind her shoulders and leans down, burying his nose in her hair. His free hand falls to her belly, coming up sticky with ultrasound gel that he wipes on his jeans. "You sure you're okay?" he asks, his voice still laced with concern. 

"We're just about to check on that," Dr. Zheng says. Madison gives her an apologetic smile. "I'm used to feral fathers-to-be, especially with first-time parents, don't worry about it."

"Sorry," Kevin apologizes. "Am I that obvious?"

"The nurses told me how you've been pacing like a lion in a cage," Dr. Zheng chuckles. "Do you want to find out the gender or do you want to keep the surprise?"

Madison turns to Kevin. He looks a little dazed and cautiously excited. "Do you - can you see anything? I read that it's usually performed between weeks eighteen and twenty.

Madison wonders how many pregnancy facts he's learned by now, using his app. "I might," Dr. Zheng says. "So I'd rather know beforehand if you want to know or not."

Kevin tenderly brushes her hair off her face. "It's up to you. Don't you want to do a gender reveal party? I bet you have an entire mood board on Pinterest already."

Madison rolls her eyes. She _does_ , of course; doesn't mean she likes being that predictable. "I think we've had enough surprises," she says. "And, I mean, sure, I want to have a party for family and friends but..." She reaches up to lace her fingers with Kevin's at her shoulder. "If you can't make it to our next appointment with Dr. Mason and we can find out now...I want you there with me."

She could get lost in Kevin's eyes. It sort of scared her before, how intense he got, but now... She gets what Dr. Zheng meant with her feral comment - Kevin looks at her like he'd fight off anything or anyone who would dare hurt her. Vulnerability and fierceness both look hot on him.

Madison only averts her eyes when she hears the reassuring, telltale sound of the babies' heartbeats. She realizes she's crying when Kevin presses his lips to her ear, whispering sweet nothings as his thumb sweeps over her cheek. 

"Both babies seem just fine," Dr. Zheng reassures them. "These are mischievous babies, they're curling around each other, it's hard to see anything. Mr. Pearson, if you'd just tickle the side of the belly, right there?" she points with a finger. "That's where Twin A's feet are. Tickling or pressing your fingers down a little should do the trick."

Madison can't help giggling as Kevin starts tickling her right side. She watches with wide eyes as the baby moves around a bit on the monitor screen. Kevin presses his fingers down her lower stomach and the baby jumps like they're having the hiccups; how the other twin doesn't startle awake is a mystery.

"So can you see anything?" Kevin asks excitedly. He looks like a kid on Christmas morning, eyes sparkling and a smile so big, it's hard for Madison to believe she ever imagined doing this alone.

Dr. Zheng angles the monitor screen towards them. "That angle is better. So this is Twin A's nose and mouth, curled little fingers, and..." She points at a tiny shadow with a grin.

Madison squints her eyes. "Is that...it's a boy?" She tilts her head to Kevin, sees the way he can't stop smiling. "It's a boy, Kevin." Madison reaches up to cup his jaw with her hand, stroking her thumb in a light circle over the stubble at his chin. "A boy like you."

Kevin nuzzles her hand, bumping it with his nose before pressing a kiss to the inside of her palm. "What about the other twin?" he asks Dr. Zheng. 

She points to the nose, mouth, arm and leg like she did before, then traces the length of the baby's spine to the tailbone. "See that little nub there, how it points downwards? That's a sign for a girl." Dr. Zheng gives them a warm smile. "Boy and girl, best of both worlds. And both of them are just fine."

Madison looks up at Kevin; there are unshed tears gleaming at the corners of his eyes. He blinks them away and traces the bow of her upper lip with his thumb before cuffing his hand behind her head and kissing her softly. When he brushes his tongue against the seam of her lips her own open with a sigh; one kiss and she's totally hooked, weak for more.

Dr. Zheng clears her throat. "I'll leave you two to it, then." Madison and Kevin break away; Madison feels her cheeks burning. "Someone will contact you around midday with your lab results. Until then, you try and rest as much as you can, all right?" She cocks an eyebrow at Kevin. "Kisses are nice but get her these, will you?" she says as she hands him a prescription. 

Kevin tips his chin at her. "Will do. Thank you," he adds, extending his hand to shake hers. "Really, thanks."

"Add Mina to your list of baby names and we'll be even."

"Will do."

Madison gives her a wave as she exits the room, then balances her legs off the bed, sitting up. Kevin hands her some paper tissues to rub at her belly. "Boy and girl, huh?" he muses as he helps her up. "You know what? This calls for celebratory pancakes. I'm sure we can find an open dinner, get some coffee and maple syrup."

"And whipped cream?" 

Kevin gives her a wolfish grin as he draws her to him, spanning his hands on her waist. "Whipped cream with a cherry on top, anything you want." He drops a peck to her forehead. "You really got me scared there," he murmurs against her skin. 

Madison grips onto his arms. "Yeah, me too." She moves her hands to his back, hugging him as close as she can with her belly between them. "But we're all right. And I guess...now's the time to go buy some tiny baby-sized Stan Smith."

Kevin raises his arm, looks at his watch. "It's three in the morning. I'm not sure stores are open yet." When Madison glares at him, he boops at her nose with his finger. "Now though, I'll let you clean up and get dressed, and we'll find you pancakes and whipped cream and you can show me all of your baby mood boards on Pinterest."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But then things had slowly shifted - she'd bumped into him on her way to or from Kate's, spent a couple of hours here and there playing with Jack when he was over too. Even the way Kate talked about him had changed - she was less worried for her brother, proud of the man he was becoming, taking responsibility for his issues and working on staying sober. Kevin had gone from being just a shadow to a more fleshed-out, real person in her periphery; less of an unreachable celebrity, more of a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fluff in st. louis continues! i'm on a fluff roll, enjoy!

Madison has never tasted pancakes that were that good. Kevin chuckles as she reaches for a drop of maple syrup at the corner of her mouth with the tip of her tongue, raising his hand to draw the waitress' attention for more.

Madison hides her blush behind her napkin. "I didn't think I was that hungry. I don't usually snack in the middle of the night." She hasn't experienced weird cravings, or any cravings _at all_ so far, and yet Madison feels like she could eat a dozen pancakes easily. There's a fine line between wanting more and eating too much, though; she knows it because she's been dancing around it for two decades now.

Kevin is nursing his second cup of coffee. At this rate, there's no sleeping in their near future. Madison doesn't feel much like going back to the hotel anyway; she knows she'll probably stay awake and stare at the ceiling, anxiously waiting for the lab to call. It's one thing to share a bed with Kevin while she's asleep - another completely to be wide awake and feel his every move and every breath, the way the sheets sound when he rustles them.

The waitress comes over with a shy smile. Her nametag reads Hannah, and she looks around college-aged. Her eyes are sparking as she looks at Kevin, her fingers nervously drumming against the pot of coffee she's holding. "Can I get you anything else?" she asks, her voice going a bit squeaky at the end of her sentence.  
  
"Yeah, some more pancakes for the cookie monster over here, please," Kevin tips his chin at Madison with a grin. "And maybe some whipped cream in there?" he raises his coffee mug. He only spares the girl a quick glance before looking back at Madison; his eyes always go back to her. It's flattering, Madison can't deny it, being the center of such attention.  
  
"Sure thing," Hannah nods her head quickly, though she doesn't move. She keeps staring at Kevin, who finally notices and reciprocates with a warm smile. 

Madison decides to ease up her suffering. "You can give me your phone," she wriggles her fingers at Hannah. "He doesn't look his best at four in the morning but he'll do."  
  
The girl giggles, blushing like crazy as Kevin stands and loops an arm around her shoulders. "You're a Manny fan?" he asks kindly, to which she nods eagerly. "What's your favorite episode?"   
  
Madison snaps a few pictures as Hannah fumbles for an answer. "I love them all, but I always loved the one where you try teaching colors to the baby and they keep getting it wrong."  
  
"That was a good one. Did you know the baby kept getting it _right_ , actually?" Kevin tells her. "We had to reshoot that scene so many times. Try telling a kid _not_ to do something," he chuckles.  
  
Hannah turns to Madison, beaming as she retrieves her phone. "Sorry, I'll get your pancakes now."  
  
"No problem," Madison smiles at her. "You need to take a few pictures with Chelsea, too. That girl is half in love with you," she tells Kevin.   
  
Kevin shakes his head. "She's not. It's just the way people get. I was thinking I could give her my agent's contact info, in case she ever needs an internship or something. She's a sweet kid."  
  
Madison nods. Chelsea has gone above and beyond to help in any way she could; her aunt told them she was only supposed to be interning a couple of times a week at the front desk but she asked for overtime to make sure everything was going well for them - and gawk at Kevin a little more. It's cute to watch someone else fawn over Kevin for once; the way the girl says _Mr. Pearson_ even though he's told her she could call him Kevin, only blushing even deeper as he told her so, is adorable.

Hannah comes back with their order, leaving the whipped cream can for Madison who feels infinitely grateful. Kevin puts a dollop in his coffee then adds a lot more on top of her pancake pile. He studies her with amused eyes as she forks another bite into her mouth; his thumb is feather-light soft as it sweeps over her upper lip, brushing some whipped cream off.  
  
Madison sits still; she blinks slowly once, twice, as their eyes lock. Now that the rush of adrenaline from the night is slowly wearing off, it feels odd again, his touching, the way he looks at her with those tender eyes. The memory of his lips still makes her own tingle; there was the kiss from the night before, soft and coaxing and impulsive all at once, and then all the kisses that followed, gentle and comforting, but beneath all that, underneath the obvious need to reassure and soothe, Madison can't pretend there wasn't something else.

When Kevin kissed her last night, it wasn't out of worry or urgency - and she didn't kiss him back because they were lonely and seeking comfort in each other. She kissed him back because she'd _wanted_ to, wanted to feel that rush again, the way her body hums to life when he touches her, how it seems to respond to his without conscious thought. It's crazy, really; if anyone had asked her a year ago what she thought of Kevin, she probably would have said that it was a shame, really, how hot he looked for such an ass.   
  
But then things had slowly shifted - she'd bumped into him on her way to or from Kate's, spent a couple of hours here and there playing with Jack when he was over too. Even the way Kate talked about him had changed - she was less worried for her brother, proud of the man he was becoming, taking responsibility for his issues and working on staying sober. Kevin had gone from being just a shadow to a more fleshed-out, real person in her periphery; less of an unreachable celebrity, more of a man.  
  
And now he's sitting across from her, a soft smile playing at his lips as he stares at her, and that's a development Madison could have never seen coming. He casually tears a piece of her pancake and dips it in his coffee. Madison wrinkles her nose; she might not be one to judge, but _even_ she finds that weird.

They fall in another companionable silence. It's become sort of natural between them now. It's Madison's turn to study him as he slowly sips at his coffee; Kevin's quieter now, his eyes darting from her to around them without focus. He's been smiling at her whenever he caught her glancing at him, offering reassurance and hopeful comments about the babies. Now he looks a bit wearier; he usually doesn't look his age, but he does a bit more as he frowns, deep in thought.  
  
Madison nibbles at her pancakes, unsure. There's no good way to ask a recovering addict if the stress is making him yearn for a drink. But at the same time, Madison doesn't want him to struggle alone if he does. Kevin's always so prepared, always researching things about pregnancy, she needs to find a book or a podcast about how to be there for your alcoholic boyfriend. 

Partner. Baby daddy. Whatever - Kevin's _not_ her boyfriend. But she woke him up in the middle of the night, scaring him with her bleeding, and she needs to find a way to soothe that frown between his brows. He has enough on his plate already with his mother and his brother.

"Tell me about your uncle," Madison goes for instead. Kate's told her only a little about Nicky Pearson - war veteran, struggling with enough demons to last a lifetime. She knows Kevin has spent weeks with him, helping out. Other than that, she doesn't know much about the man they're flying out to see tomorrow, not even if he'll be thrilled about becoming a great-uncle or not. For all she knows he has no idea she even exists - it's not like Kevin broadcasts his _sexcapades_ on the family group chat.

Kevin's mouth twitches at the corner. "He's a grumpy old man who can't stand me half the time." He chuckles, puts down his coffee mug and turns to her. "He likes to pretend he doesn't enjoy my company to hurt my precious feelings."

Madison grins. "Not used to that, hotshot?"

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Not you, too." He clucks his tongue. "I'm still - figuring him out, I guess. It's still hard, trying to understand why my dad shut him out like that." Kevin shakes his head dejectedly. "As angry as I am with Randall, I couldn't..."

It's as good a time as any to ask, Madison figures. "What did you two fight about? Your mom?"

Kevin nods. Around his coffee mug, his fingers flex and tense. "Randall's been messing with her head, persuading her to do this trial for him. It didn't matter that she didn't want to - Randall's always got to be right."   
  
Madison gnaws at her lip. It feels to her like _Rebecca_ 's the one who should make her own decisions, not any of her sons. If Randall really went against her wishes, forcing her hand, she gets why Kevin's so angry. But on the other hand... "What _are_ her chances? To get better with the trial, I mean."   
  
Kevin rubs at his neck tiredly. "I don't know, really. I - Randall's the one who's done the research. He said this was the best so we went for it." He shrugs. "I _know_ this can be good for her. I know that. But it's not what she wants. She moved near Randall when he and Beth got married and started talking about having kids because she wanted to watch them grow up. And then she and Miguel moved to L.A. to help out with Jack because Mom wanted to be closer to Kate, and just a year later Randall is shipping them out here like it's his decision to make when Mom just wanted to spend time with her grandson. She wanted to have fun and enjoy life for as long as she could, not be far away from everyone she loves."  
  
It's an impossible fight, Madison muses, where there's no right answer. She can sympathize with Randall's desire to do something to help his mother's health; but she _also_ understands Kevin's anger at his brother for taking away her agenda. 

Madison can relate. Her family hasn't exactly been fighting about her, but her teen years were spent listening to her parents argue about how to fix her; feeling Christopher's worried gaze on her, more like another parent than a brother; sensing Lauren slowly pulling away because she didn't know how to be around her anymore. She's lost so many things because of her body issues and eating disorder, it's the last thing she wishes on Kevin and his brother - to fight pointlessly when they could spend time with their mother. She's never getting those lost years with her family back - nor the intimacy and warmth they used to share - Madison doesn't want to witness another family falling apart.

It's not up to her to tell Kevin what to do, though. Beyond Rebecca, Madison can only guess what other hurtful things they told each other out of fear and anger. She's been on the receiving end of two angry Pearson siblings before - she bets Randall is no different.  
  
Madison reaches for him, wraps her fingers around his at his mug. Slowly she rubs her thumb across his knuckles. "I guess there's no stopping by Philadelphia, then?" she suggests quietly.

Kevin runs his hand through his hair, mussing it even more than sleep did. "I should call Beth and the girls. Tess would, like, be mad at me _forever_ if she had to find out on Instagram." He sighs heavily. "The girls are gonna be super excited about this. Deja's boyfriend, he's got a daughter of his own, you know? Deja and Tess are all over her."  
  
Madison chuckles. "We need to invite them over for the gender reveal party. It'd be really cute, taking a picture of the girls with the pink cake, and Jack with the blue one."  
  
Kevin gives her a smile. "Ah, I knew you had the whole thing planned. You do that a lot?"

"Sometimes, yeah. I mostly do parties and luncheons, birthdays, that kind of things. I did a dog birthday party, once."   
  
Kevin stares at her, then shrugs, tilting his head to the side. "Yeah, why am I surprised? It's L.A., after all." He looks at her fingers stroking his, turns his palm so he's holding her hand. "I see what you're doing. You're really good at this whole distracting thing, _too_."

Madison gives him a shy smile. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Kevin brings her hand to his mouth, kissing the back of her palm. She'd have never pegged him as the overly demonstrative type. Every front page he's ever made with a woman, Kevin's always looked somewhat distant and regal, never looking really enamored. Madison always figured it was another celebrity thing - they kept their _real_ feelings inside, only showing perfect teeth and smiles for the cameras. But here, looking pale and tired in this old dinner's terrible light, Kevin's looking at her like she means something, the genuine warmth in his eyes of the kind paparazzi can't capture.

"You didn't," Kevin reassures her. He steals another piece of her pancake and pops it into his mouth. "You were asking about Nicky and I'm the one who derailed things. I guess I'm not that fine with this whole Randall thing," he shrugs. "We'll call Beth when the girls are back from school, all right?"

Madison nibbles at her lip. It's one thing to tell his mom and uncle about their one-night stand, another to tell children about how two grown-ups were too busy cataloguing new ways to make each other moan to notice the condom broke. She shrugs one shoulder. "Sure. But if any of them has a question about how to make babies, you're the one dealing with that."

* * *

Madison regrets eating all these pancakes the moment Kevin starts the car. Nausea, coupled with motion sickness, has her splaying her hand against her mouth and wriggling her fingers at Kevin after a mere two minutes; Kevin holds her hair and rubs her back while she throws up on the side of the road. It's _exactly_ the kind of sexy visual she wanted movie star Kevin Pearson to witness; next thing she knows he'll go to the 24/7 drugstore and hide there for a couple hours just to avoid seeing and hearing that again.  
  
Back at the hotel Kevin busies himself with trying to clean up the blood on the couch while she goes to the bathroom. Madison almost throws up again as she brushes her teeth, she holds onto the sink until the wave of nausea dissipates. Her blood-stained nightdress is glaring at her, Madison suppresses a shudder as she grabs for Kevin's shirt from yesterday and her kimono. Kevin has the good grace not to comment on her attire; instead he slips into bed beside her, and opens his arms in a silent invitation Madison can't find the strength to refuse - nor does she want to.

Cuddling with her baby bump isn't exactly easy; if she lays her head on his shoulder her belly bumps into his side and she feels like a whale beached on shore, and facing him, eyes boring in his, is a lot more than she can handle. In the end Madison turns to her side and Kevin curls around her, and she won't lie, it feels a lot nicer, his thigh nestled between hers and his chest supporting her back. Kevin runs his fingers down her shoulder to her side, his breath fanning at her neck. "You think you can get some sleep?" he asks softly.

They definitely should, or else Madison will probably doze off during their afternoon with Miguel or her shopping session with Rebecca. Dr. Zheng said she saw no reason to believe anything was wrong; what's staying awake and worrying going to achieve? "Mmmh," she hums quietly. "Tell me about your movie. Why war and cop movies?"

Kevin settles more comfortably behind her, slipping his arm beneath her pillow. "I don't know. I guess I...maybe I just have one of those faces? Like, I wear pain very well. It was in one of the reviews." He pauses, chuckling. "It's ridiculous, right? I spent the better part of a decade starring in a comedy and everybody felt like this was _all_ I was, you know? All I could ever be. And now people look at me and see something else, like I have this tragic face and they want me to me to be their tragic hero. I don't know, it's just..."  
  
"Not what you want?" Madison suggests. In the dark it seems a lot easier, asking and prodding.

Kevin shakes his head; his chin bumps her shoulder. "No, no. I've always wanted to be a real actor, you know? Be in real movies, use my skills more than my abs. But, uh...I don't know. I'm not sure this is all I want to be, either - the hot guy _or_ the tragic one. I feel like I have - more nuances, maybe? Or maybe I just _want_ to be more but this is all I am. It's a weird feeling." His hand settles near her hipbone. He squeezes there before moving tentatively to her belly. "I don't want to sound whiny. I'm not complaining."

"You can," Madison says. "I mean, if you want to."

Kevin sighs; it tickles at the nape of her neck. "My dad...he loved that kind of movies, you know? So I grew up loving them too. Playing a cop or a soldier, it's my way..."  
  
Madison starts playing with his fingers, gently running her fingertips on the inside of his palm. "I know how you feel. Sometimes loving the same things, even if you have to pretend a little...it's the closest you can get to someone." To some extent, she's done that with her fair share of guys. But it's not that. "My brother loved museums, literally every museum. He could spend hours staring at a painting. He used to take me sometimes, but when I was a kid I didn't like it that much. It wasn't until I was twelve or thirteen that I really started enjoying those afternoons. Maybe it was because Chris had gone off to college and it felt good, seeing him again, I don't know. But all of a sudden those afternoons were the highlight of my week."  
  
Kevin hums softly. "What does he do, your brother? Does he paint? Or run an art gallery?"

Madison shakes her head. "No, he doesn't have an artistic bone in his body. I don't think it was ever about that for him. He loves pretty things, and he loves trying to understand how things work. He took over our parents' winery. Chris was a business major, it was always meant to go to him someday. He loves that place."

"So do you," Kevin muses. "You told me it was your favorite place."

Madison tilts her head around slightly in surprise. She didn't expect Kevin to remember that, and yet it's so like him; he's been nothing but attentive to her for weeks. "I do. But I've always wanted to build something on my own. I'm pretty independent where I am now, but it's still not mine." Madison's always hoped that by the time she was thirty-five she'd open her own event-planning business, maybe her own venue - she might just need to postpone those dreams a little, what with the whole _becoming a mother to twins_ in the next five months. "I never wanted to make and sell wine. And my parents never wanted me to, either."  
  
She stifles a yawn behind her hand. Kevin's arm around her middle moves up, settling just below her chest. "Promise me we're not gonna be that kind of parents?" he pleads softly. "I don't want to put that kind of pressure on my kids. I mean, I don't think our parents did it on purpose, but..."

Madison's been thinking about this a lot, too - how she hopes she won't do anything to hurt her children, make them feel like they're not good enough, or not what she expected. Her parents never acted that way towards her, at least never deliberately; but Madison knows she gets her perfectionism from her mother who always held herself to high standards, and raised them to always reach higher, too; that she hates conflict like her father, who didn't always stand up for himself for fear of speaking a word too loud. Together, her parents were the perfect team, with her determination and his diplomacy; her mother was smart and logical where her father was the charming one. But sometimes Madison feels like she took after the most complicated parts of them; her mother's anxiety when she couldn't control everything, her father's unwillingness to fight for what he truly wanted. It's made her doubt herself and every relationship she's been in.  
  
She doesn't want to pass that on to her children.  
  
And from what she's gathering about Kevin and his upbringing, neither does he. Madison tightens her hold on his hand, nuzzles her pillow as she feels her eyes closing. "We won't. I swear."

* * *

The call from the lab wakes them up just before noon. Madison starts crying when the woman on the other end of the line tells her everything is fine, Kevin has to pick the phone from her hand. Madison watches him as he listens and nods, scribbles down instructions on a hotel notepad that she's pretty sure will be listed in the e-mail Dr. Zheng is forwarding with a prescription for more blood tests.

Her heart feels definitely less heavy when they meet with Miguel later. Madison busies herself making tea while Kevin and Miguel start talking about how to build cribs from scratch. She's just climbed on a stool when she hears Kevin's voice, then feels his hands at her waist. "What do you think you're doing?" he asks her, sounding half-outraged as he picks her up beneath the armpits and puts her back on the ground.  
  
Madison blinks slowly. He didn't just - "Did you _really_ just pick me up like I'm a doll?" she asks, and the outrage in her voice is much more real than his. "I'm not a ragdoll, Kevin."  
  
Kevin stares at her with wide eyes. "What were you doing, climbing up a stool like that?"  
  
He's _unbelievable_. "I was obviously trying to reach something," Madison says, crossing her arms over her chest. Now her arms somewhat rest atop her belly. "I wanted to reach that tray to bring everything to the living-room," she points at a tray on the top shelf. "I'm not a giant like you, in case you haven't noticed, so this is how us small people do it."

Kevin shakes his head, barely extending his arm to reach the tray. "You should have just asked for help. I don't want you hurting yourself."  
  
Madison sighs, half-exasperated, half-swooning. Kevin's being irrational but he's also extra sweet. Behind him she notices Miguel smiling; she dismisses him with a wave. "Go back to your wood and nails or whatever. Let me make tea in peace."

Kevin crowds her against the kitchen counter, pinning her with both arms around her. "You're just mad that I'm so cute when I worry," he teases her.

" _Kevin_ ," she whispers his name under her breath in a warning. Miguel is _right_ there, and Kevin's acting like a teenager fooling around.

Miguel's deep chuckle resonates from the living-room. "This is how we did it too, back in my day," he laughs.

Madison presses her eyes shut, rubbing at her face while Kevin presses a peck to her forehead before returning to Miguel. Madison stares after him for a long moment. Kisses in the heat of the moment; comforting kisses and touches; they take another level of meaning when there's someone else witnessing them. _What_ are they doing here? How many kisses before they talk about what it means for them?

She grabs her phone while the water boils and texts Kate.

_Madison_

_2.45pm_

_There's no good way to say this so I'll say it quick: Kevin and I kissed._

The three little dots appear so quickly, Madison can't go with her plan of leaving her phone on the kitchen counter while Kate yells at her, and only replying in a couple of hours.

_Kate_

_2.46pm_

_Considering you're pregnant with his children, I sort of already knew that. I raised him well: kiss first, sex second. Please don't take this as an invitation to give me more details about my brother's sex moves._

_Madison_

_2.48pm_

_He kissed me *last* night._

_Kate_

_2.50pm_

_Did you kiss him back? Jesus, I can't believe you're making me care about my brother's kissing._

_Madison_

_2.51pm_

_How mad are you going to be if I say yes?_

_Kate_

_2.53pm_

_I_ _'m madder that you're making me care about Kev's kissing. So what's going on between you two?_

_Madison_

_2.55pm_

_I was hoping you could help me with that. I don't know. Should I ask him???_

_Kate_

_3.01pm_

_Did you know I never dated any of my brothers' friends? And now Kev's falling for my best friend for the *second* time._

Madison blinks. Kevin isn't falling for her, is he? Did he tell Kate anything about it? It can't be. He's very invested in this pregnancy, and sure, there's a pull between them she can't deny, but...

_Kate_

_3.05pm_

_What do *you* want?_

That brings her out of her torpor; Madison remembers at last to pour the tea. Kevin and Miguel didn't even notice that she's spent the last twenty minutes texting in the kitchen, leaning her elbows on the counter and totally ignoring them. When she puts the tray on the table Kevin looks up with a grateful smile, and draws the chair beside his for her. His arm falls comfortably behind her shoulders.

"Look at this," he tells her, pushing his mother's iPad towards her. "What do you think of a double crib? My mom told me that Kate and I often fell asleep better if we were in the same crib. Something about spending all those months in the same swimming pool together."

Madison laughs, then spans her hands on top of her belly. "More like an ocean, really," she chuckles. She feels bloated all the time, and even when she tries to suck her stomach in as she pulls her jeans up, her bump is just so obviously _there_. She looks through Kevin's crib selection. "I like this one with the canopy."

"You might want to switch for a thicker fabric," Miguel suggests. "All those ones, they've got sheer fabrics and that's pretty, but it gathers dust more, and you don't want that hanging above your babies while they're sleeping."  
  
Kevin writes it down. "Thicker fabric, okay. How do you sand the wood so it's so smooth?" he asks Miguel. "And how many coats of paint do you need to make it look like that? What kind of paint do you even use for baby furniture? Is there non-toxic paint? Baby-friendly paint?"  
  
Madison bites at the inside of her cheek not to smile too widely. Kevin was right - he _does_ look very cute when he worries, a small frown between his brows, and the way his hands tremble slightly and seem to move of their own accord. She can't help laughing a little when Miguel tells him that he's no homemade crib expert either. Honestly, Madison would rather Kevin paint something for the babies' room; he doesn't need to build everything from scratch to convince her he's all in. And she doesn't think the movie producers would appreciate it if he injured himself and came to work with a nail through his palm.  
  
Her phone beeps again.

_Kate_

_3.15pm_

_You're both adults. If you can decide to raise two children together, you can talk about a little bit of kissing._

_Madison_

_3.17pm_

_Things are a bit complicated at the moment. He's gonna be busy with his movie anyway, there's no time for distractions. I'll barely see him._

_Kate_

_3.18pm_

_Now you sound like Kev. Always dumb excuses. We don't need another dumb dumbo in this family._

_Kate_

_3.20pm_

_You guys kissed. Obviously it means you're attracted to each other. Talk it out. And if you end up sleeping with him again...please tell him about it, not me._

Madison can't help giggling. Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. "It's nothing, just something Kate said," she tells him before going back to pretending to care about wood and paint. Kevin gives her a fond smile and he's back to talking animatedly with Miguel, who looks so happy to be included.

They'll have time to talk later.

* * *

The last time Madison went shopping with her mother, she was sixteen and looking for the perfect prom dress. It feels nice, getting to do that again with Rebecca, if only to look for pregnancy jeans.  
  
It's utter torture, not bursting out about finding out the babies' genders when they inevitably stray from the mom-to-be section of the store to the baby clothing. There's a soft smile playing at Rebecca's mouth the whole time as she brushes her fingers against tiny onesies. "Jack really wanted to have children, he was just one of these men who knew they wanted to be fathers, you know? But he never liked the shopping part," she muses fondly. "My parents...they didn't believe he could be a good provider, so my mother sent this box one day, with all these baby clothes. I can't remember if any of them ever wore them."  
  
"Sounds like something my mother would do," Madison agrees.

Ever since the doctors had put a name on her issues, her mother had never looked at her the same way. Madison could always feel it, even when she was just a teenager - how her mom thought of her, perhaps not as _less_ , but definitely as somewhat damaged, someone who couldn't be trusted to take care of herself. When she'd first left home her mom had taken to dropping by unexpectedly all the time, checking on her kitchen shelves, making sure she was eating the right kind of food like she expected Madison to either be starving herself or living on sugar and carbs. After a few months Madison had had enough and they'd gotten into a huge fight; it was the last time her mom ever visited. Her father called from time to time, sent money; Lauren tried convincing her that their mom just wanted what was best for her. Christopher worried.

God, Madison wishes she could just spend another afternoon at the museum with her brother, or go back to simpler times when Lauren held fake trials with their stuffed animals, trying to find who had stolen Miss Boo Boo's pink ribbon; when her mother sat them both at her vanity and did their hair, put on a tiny bit of glitter on their cheeks; going to the winery with her father and listening to him tell her all the secrets. No matter how estranged they've become, Madison never stopped wishing they could all be like that again, a normal family who could laugh and talk about anything without feeling like they had to walk on eggshells all the time.  
  
Rebecca squeezes her shoulder. "Everybody's going to have an opinion about how you should raise these babies. God knows I haven't always been the most supportive person for Kate and Kevin and Randall, either. But you should always go with what feels right for you." She gives her a smile. "When I told my mother I was expecting triplets, we got into a fight and I ended up leaving the restaurant. I still managed to raise three pretty amazing children," Rebecca shrugs with a smug smile, "surrounding myself with people who truly wanted to support me. I feel like you and Kevin...you've found that, too."  
  
Madison nods her head. It's not the first time the thought crosses her mind, how lucky she got, really - getting pregnant wasn't in her plans at all, but doing this with Kevin allowed her to have Kate and their family supporting her, _them_. Rebecca and Miguel are thrilled about becoming grandparents again; Kate is happier than Madison would have believed. Madison went from being terrified of telling her to being made Jack's godmother, and having her best friend supporting her and being happy for her.  
  
She follows Rebecca as she continues looking through the racks, and can't help picking up clothes. Soon enough she's gathered almost all the gender-neutral onesies she can find; Rebecca tells her about how many onesies you need a day with a young infant, and the nightmare laundry was with _three_. Madison makes the most of her being distracted with memories from Kevin and his siblings' childhood to pick two little pajamas she noticed upfront, with _mommy's little boy_ and _daddy's little girl_ embroidered on them.

It's crazy, how surreal it is, imagining herself with a son and a daughter, and yet knowing that she's having a boy and a girl makes it all the more real all of a sudden. They're not just the babies, or Twin A and Twin B, anymore; Poppy Pearson is not just her imaginary daughter now, even if Kevin is still far from being on board. Now she can picture a little girl with his smile, and a little boy with those brown eyes. It's no longer a dream.

"Aw, that is just the cutest," Rebecca gushes as she turns to Madison with a yellow bath cape with tiny sheep in her hands. "That's just so adorable. All this stuff wasn't that cute when Kevin was a baby. Remind me to show you the album we have at the cabin, will you? Lots of pictures of Kevin running around in a diaper."

Madison laughs. She's not sure Kevin would appreciate, but she definitely would. "How hard was it, raising three kids at the same time?" Madison asks. "How do you do it when they're all crying or hungry or running around at the same time?"

Rebecca nods her head a little, pondering her question. "You worry all the time. You rush to the E.R. when they have the slightest bout of fever. You think you're the worst mother when you order in instead of cooking yourself because you're too exhausted. But that's _normal_. That's what everybody else does too, even if no one wants to admit it." She shrugs. "There's no secret recipe on how to be the perfect mother. You just do your best. Mothers are always going to be held to much higher standards than fathers, but you need to remember that at the end of the day, the most important thing is that your children need to know they're loved. It doesn't matter if you've made pasta or lobster for dinner, or if you've bought all the toys they wanted, or anything else. They just need to go to bed knowing you're gonna be there for them."  
  
Madison feels her lip wobbling, tears welling at the corners of her eyes. She loves her babies so much already, has loved them since the moment she realized she was pregnant. If anything she wants them to be safe in that knowledge, that they're loved and that she and Kevin will do anything to keep them safe.  
  
Rebecca hands her a tissue. "I want to tell you it's just a phase, but I was emotional all the time, too. Got myself in a frenzy when I realized I had forgotten Jack's birthday, I went on this shopping spree in town on the hottest day of the year."

Madison wipes at her eyes. "But you went into labor on that day, didn't you?" she asks, her eyes widening. She already feels so huge, she can't imagine waddling through the streets all day when she'll be eight or nine months along.

Rebecca chuckles. "Maybe all that walking around did speed up the process. But I felt so bad about forgetting his birthday, I just...I was on a mission, you know? I had to make it up to him."

Madison smiles at her. Everybody always talks about Jack Pearson and his grand gestures, but she feels like there's an entire level of Rebecca Pearson greatness no one pays enough attention to. Madison knows that if she follows in her footsteps, her children will lack nothing.

"You gave him children for his birthday," Madison notes. "That's quite the birthday present."  
  
Rebecca laughs. "Jack was always a bit smug about that, that's true. But you listen to me," she waves her fingers at Madison's belly, "you two better stay in there as long as you can. My memory might not be what it used to, but I'll be perfectly able to remember another birthday date, okay?"

Madison pats her belly. "We have a deal. Eight months, no less."

"That's a good deal," Rebecca agrees. "The triplets were supposed to be October babies. It scared me a bit, having three young infants in winter, I worried constantly about them being too cold or getting sick. But it's always sunny in Los Angeles. October babies will be fine."

* * *

Kevin's thumb hovers above his phone, not quite touching the screen. Madison nudges him with her elbow until he makes the FaceTime call.

"Hey, bro-in-law," Beth greets him with a smile. "Long time no see."  
  
Kevin shrugs awkwardly. "Yeah, uh, I've been pretty busy." He tilts his phone until Madison shows up on the screen too.  
  
"Oh, hi," Beth adds, clearly surprised. "Hey, Madison."

"Hi," Madison waves. God, they're _ridiculous_. She puts a calming hand on Kevin's knee that keeps jiggling.  
  
"Are the girls home?" Kevin asks. "I just wanted to see them, it's been a while."  
  
"Yeah, sure," Beth replies. She goes out of focus as she calls for Deja, Tess and Annie. They can hear Deja whining as she has to hang up with Malik. "Everything okay with you?"  
  
"Yeah, we're visiting Mom," Kevin says. "She's doing good. We're, uh, we're going to see Uncle Nicky too."  
  
"Oh. That's nice," Beth says. She looks between the two of them with a curious expression in her eyes. "So you two -"  
  
"Uncle Kevin!" Tess storms in, stealing her mother's phone. "Did you see my latest video? Me skating? Mom says I wear beanies better than you!"

"You really do," Madison agrees. "I saw that video with your grandmother. Nice nollie."

Kevin gives her a surprised look. Madison shrugs. "Thanks," Tess beams. "You're with Grandma? How is she?"  
  
"She's doing good," Kevin reassures her. "She and Grandpa are settling in. Madison and Grandma went shopping this afternoon." Beth gets her phone back from Tess. Deja and Annie wave in the background, Deja's phone still in hand as she's probably texting Malik.

Madison reaches for the store bag, pulling out the little twin onesies she found with Rebecca - one that reads _sometimes when you wish for a miracle_ , the other _you get two_. She holds them before Kevin's phone, biting at her lip as she waits for Beth and the girls' reactions.

Deja drops her phone in the couch cushions. Tess and Annie are so excited, they're almost jumping out. "You're having twins?" Tess asks with wide eyes. "Wow."

Kevin smiles at Madison, like he's saying _see? I told you they'd be happy_. There's no question about whether they're dating or not, or where this is coming from - all three girls just look so excited. Beth's face is a bit more of a mystery; she looks stunned.

"Yep," Kevin says. "We can't visit at the moment, but Madison and I would love to have you over for a party in June."

"Can I see your belly?" Annie asks excitedly.

"Mmh, yes, sure," Madison says, blushing. Kevin gives her an encouraging smile as she stands and he angles his phone so the girls can see Madison's profile, the obvious curve of her bump.  
  
"You look like those girls in baby magazines," Deja comments, a dreamy quality to her tone.

"Don't get ideas," Beth snorts, wriggling her finger at her. " _Twins_ ," she echoes quietly. "I'm gonna need to hear the story behind that, bro-in-law. Go back to your homework, you three," she waves at the girls.  
  
"I already finished mine," Annie complains, while they hear Deja grumble about how she had to hang up on Malik only to be ordered to go work on her homework now.  
  
When Beth goes back into focus, she's alone, and giving them what Madison imagines to be a classic Beth Pearson look - sassy and with this _not taking shit_ vibe. "All right. You've got twenty minutes before I need to leave for my next class. Who wants to tell me how this happened?"

* * *

_to be continued_


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a very similar look on Nicky's face to the one Beth wore on hers the night before when they called her. His eyes are curious as they take Madison in, then grow wider as he notices her bump. He turns to Kevin with an amused grin. "That is not what I meant by buying yourself some big boy shoes, but all right," he says in lieu of greeting. "I guess you weren't kidding when you said you were going to get yourself a wife and a kid before you turn forty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here goes uncle nicky and his grumpy ways!

The flight to Bradford is a much less cozy one without much opportunity for their little game of favorites. Madison is sick the entire time, and the moment they land she rushes to the airport bathroom looking like she's never going to stop emptying her stomach. Kevin anxiously waits for her at the door, and switches off the airplane mode on his phone. The instant he does, he receives half a dozen notifications from Kate all at once.

Kevin listens once, then again to Kate's voicemail, but the words keep blurring in his brain. He clicks on the link she sent, quickly reading through the article Kate mentioned. He rubs his palm across his jaw tiredly. " _Shit_. Shit shit shit."

**Who Is Sleeping Beauty?**

By Holland Rhodes, 05/12/2020

_Kevin Pearson, forever **our** Manny (see: Not That Manny Men Can Be Kevin Pearson and The Manny Without The Manny Isn't The Manny) and responsible for many an ovary explosion for over 200 episodes (hello, abs and shower scenes!), was spotted this morning at St. Louis Lambert International Airport being all cozy and dotting on a mysterious blonde beauty, according to Cheryl Sanders, 24, another passenger: "I would have totally gone up to him to say hi if he'd been alone, but he was with his girlfriend, so..."_

_Girlfriend?! Why wasn't I told before? Pearson, 39, hasn't appeared with a woman at his arm since he showed up at his movie premiere with his stunning mother in New York a few weeks back. Past relationships include fellow co-stars and models, among the long list playwright Sloane Sandburg whose most recent play is a hit on Broadway, fellow "Back of an Egg" co-star, Tony-nominee Olivia Maine, and documentary filmmaker Zoe Baker, whose latest exhibition on Vietnam is still showing in Chicago._

_So **who** is this mystery woman curled up to the hottest au-pair on TV? Who snatched Pearson right under our collective, obsessed noses? Cheryl Sanders adds: "They looked very much in love. He was playing with her hair while she was sleeping, it was adorable."_

_Rumor has it that Pearson has been short-listed for a new blockbuster. Another fellow co-star? Seems pretty early to be so domestic. Demi Lovato with blond hair (see: Kevin Pearson Is Definitely Not Stone Cold Before Demi Lovato)??? Hopefully we get to find out who his mystery girl is before his next premiere night. Any guess? Hit us up at L.A. Access._

Holland Rhodes loves to write about romance, and still hopes to get a call from Andy Samberg. The redhead from creative writing class you promised you'd call, remember?

**Read more:** _ Why Kevin Pearson is the hottest, down-to-earth, guy in Hollywood these days; _and _ Top 10 Romantic Getaways for Celebrities. _

There are three pictures attached to the article: one from Kevin's latest movie premiere, and two that were obviously taken in the airport waiting lounge earlier this morning. One shows Madison curled up to him, her legs propped on his suitcase and her head on his shoulder, Kevin's arm wrapped around her; the other is of him kissing the top of her head, his hand casually holding onto her bent knee. With the way Madison is curled in her seat, it's impossible to spot her face through the curtain of her hair, let alone her baby bump, and it seems like the girl who took those pictures wasn't in the plane with them later on or else she would have spotted it. Kevin also feels relieved the article focuses on who's his girl, instead of what he was doing in St. Louis in the first place.

Madison comes out of the airport bathroom at last, still looking pale - flights are definitely making her sick, sicker than car rides and an overdose of pancakes. Upon taking him in she frowns. "What's going on?" she asks him, sounding concerned, though her voice is still hoarse from her sore throat. "Kevin?"

Kevin wipes his hand across his face and hands her his phone. Her frown dissipates as she reads, replaced with a surprised raised eyebrow. "You dated Olivia Maine?" she sounds almost _appalled_. "She's stunning, don't get me wrong, but she looks sort of mean, doesn't she?"

Madison shrugs, handing him his phone back. Kevin stares at her, stunned. "That's all you're getting from this?" he asks, bewildered. He's used to seeing his face in that kind of articles, but he never wanted to drag Madison into this like that.

She looks confused. "I never believed you were a virgin," she says. "It's not like I'm surprised you've been dating before we...you're an actor, of course you've slept with dozens of women."

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Not _dozens_. Maybe _a_ dozen, but not, like..." He helps her into her jacket and reaches for her suitcase, dragging them to their rental. "That's not even the point."

"What's the point, then?" Madison asks.

There's the tiniest blush tinting her cheeks, just enough to tell Kevin that she is indeed a little more flustered than she'd like to pretend. Beside his past relationships, the article mentions them looking like they're _in love_ , and...

It's _exactly_ the impression Kevin gets, looking at these pictures. And _he's_ the one giving off the strongest vibe, holding onto her like that, kissing her head, stroking her hair. And the more he tries to deny it - the more he tries telling himself that he only likes her because she's cute and fun and sweet, that it's too early to call it anything else, the less convincing Kevin sounds to himself. All the kissing since the other night at the hotel didn't help make his mind any clearer.

"At least they're not talking about your mom, and that's good," Madison goes on. "And after we tell your uncle, there's nothing keeping us from telling everybody else anymore." She wrinkles her nose. "It feels so _weird_. I follow all these people on Instagram, and I'm the sort of person who gets obsessed and so excited when famous people get married or have babies...I never expected my baby daddy to be a _movie star_."

Kevin never expected his baby mama to be his sister's best friend - not after the whole Sophie debacle. Debacles, _plural_. "Are you sure about telling people?" he asks again. "It's not like people follow me everywhere I go, maybe you could get a couple more months of peace and quiet."

Madison shakes her head. "I don't want to live with this hanging over my head, wondering if today's the day someone will snap a picture and tell the world I'm carrying _the_ great Kevin Pearson's heirs." She smoothes the front of her jacket over her belly. "I don't want some magazine to print pictures of me at the hospital with blood-stained clothes or something. You're famous, people finding out comes with the package."

Kevin's pretty impressed with how calm she is. He's not certain that he would be, if their positions were reversed. Fans caring about every little aspect of his private life has always been the thing that he never understood; he's seen a dozen articles speculating about his dating life, analyzing his zodiac sign and favorite meal and how it impacted his relationships or career choices, informing him he had been short-listed for shows he'd never auditioned for. Even his own niece believed he was dating Demi Levato because she'd read it on the Internet - which was totally false, he'd only brought her a drink at a party and the Internet had gone wild. Paparazzi covering his daily life is something he's become used to; it's another thing, making Madison go through this while she's at her most vulnerable, exposing her life for all to see.

"Instagram reveal, then?" Kevin suggests as he loads their suitcases in the truck of their rental car and helps Madison inside. "I was only joking when I first mentioned it, but..."

Madison nods her head. "This is 2020, after all. And I'll get so many new followers and potential clients."

Kevin laughs. "There _are_ a lot of people in Hollywood who would love to throw a party for their dog for sure."

She sticks her tongue out at him. "You know, it was actually fun, planning that event. It was a nice change from suits who want to show off just how wealthy they are, or sixteen year-old divas who add, like, fifty more guests at the last minute." Madison shudders. "Promise me we won't let our daughter turn into a diva."

_Our daughter_. It still takes Kevin's breath away that they're having a daughter _and_ a son. "Well, Poppy Pearson _sounds_ very dramatic," he teases her. "She's doomed to become a diva. However, if she was named, I don't know, Sarah or Juliet, I bet she'd be less wild."

Madison flicks at his ear. "Don't be smug like that. I'm the one who's gonna pop out two giant watermelons, I get final say anyway."

He rubs at his sore ear, but can't help giving her a fond smile. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

There's a very similar look on Nicky's face to the one Beth wore on hers the night before when they called her. His eyes are curious as they take Madison in, then grow wider as he notices her bump. He turns to Kevin with an amused grin. "That is not what I meant by buying yourself some big boy shoes, but all right," he says in lieu of greeting. "I guess you weren't kidding when you said you were going to get yourself a wife and a kid before you turn forty."

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Uncle Nicky, this is Madison. Madison, this is my uncle."

She beams at Nicky with that warm, sweet smile of hers, like he's her favorite person and she's so happy to see him even though he's a total stranger to her. "We're not getting married any time soon, we haven't even been on a date yet," she tells him seriously. "It's very nice to meet you," Madison adds kindly, reaching out to shake his hand. Kevin's almost surprised that she didn't launch into a big hug.

Nicky seems a bit unsettled by her warm greeting, but he smiles back at her, gently patting her arm. "Trust me, the pleasure is all mine, sweetheart," Nicky chuckles, pulling up a chair for her. "Come on, you get the good chair."

Who knew his uncle could be so smooth? Kevin stares at him, bewildered. "Wait, she gets _sweetheart_ when I, your own nephew, your flesh and blood, got _Hollywood douchebag_?" Kevin whines loudly. "That's so not fair." 

Nicky shrugs, then waves at Madison. "I mean, look at her."

Madison turns to him, grinning. "Yeah, _look at me_ , Kevin," she teases him. "I'm adorable. Pearson men can't resist me."

Kevin shakes his head. "You know what? I'm not even gonna argue." He tips his head towards Nicky's trailer. "Got anything fresh in there? We stopped on the way for groceries."

Nicky nods. "Yeah, there's some homemade kale lemonade in the fridge."

"Really?" Kevin asks, stunned. "I see you've been stalking my Instagram account, good for you!" he wriggles his finger at Nicky. When his uncle only stares at him blankly, Kevin rolls his eyes again. "You were just messing with me. Your bad, really. Kale lemonade is _delicious_ , especially combined with apples and lemon. I'm gonna make some for you, you'll see."

Madison laughs, big and bubbly. "And then you really wonder why he calls you Hollywood douchebag." She waves at his frame. "Why don't you offer him to climb on your back while you do push-ups and drink your lemonade, huh?" She can't stop laughing, it's ridiculous how cute she gets sometimes, Kevin can't stop staring at her.

"Like you don't like kale lemonade, uh?" Kevin says lamely. "You like quinoa. You actually _enjoy_ quinoa like it's real food."

"But I don't go around preaching about it like you do," Madison counters easily. "Besides, kale's overrated."

Nicky drops into the empty chair beside her, grinning and looking entertained as hell. "She's feisty. That's gonna be good for your ego, kid." He turns to Madison. "I've got pear and apple juice, if you like that, juice that tastes like actual fruit."

"Apple juice is fine, thanks."

"Since when do you even drink juice?" Kevin asks. Nicky looks good, healthy, like he's been sleeping well, maybe hiking, too. He looks nothing like the lonely, damaged old man Kevin and his siblings met a year and a half ago.

"Since Cassidy drops by with her boy all the time, and apparently the kid can't drink coffee," Nicky says, shrugging. "I told her you were visiting, by the way. She thought we could go out for dinner, but..."

He glances at Madison with an apologetic, slightly embarrassed, look, and she blushes. "Oh, I don't want you to miss on catching up with your friends because of me," Madison rambles instantly. "I don't want to impose or -"

"You're not," Kevin interrupts her with a squeeze to her shoulder. "He's saying that because of me. Cassidy and I..." He waves vaguely with his hand. "There's a bit of history there."

Madison's eyes widen, and Kevin can see the cogs turning in her head. He'd only returned from Bradford for a short time before they slept together. Kevin's been pretty thorough with his A.A. program, save for the no sex and no relationship part - the last time he saw Cassidy, he was single and she was separated, and now she's probably filing for divorce and he's expecting twins with his sister's best friend. Talk about an awkward ice-breaker.

Madison nods her head, taking it in. Then she pats her belly, laughing awkwardly. "Well, I hope she's not sporting one of those _too_ , or else this will be a _very_ awkward dinner."

Nicky cackles, actual tears at the corners of his eyes, and Madison joins him, seemingly proud of her joke. Kevin shakes his head at them and wipes his hand across his face. What is it about Madison that just makes it so the men in his family fall for her charm so easily, especially his uncle, who not so long ago claimed not to like people? Five minutes into their meeting each other and they're already teaming up to mock him; Kevin won't survive this trip with all of his dignity.

"Okay, I see what's going on here," he snorts. "You're ganging up on me. Fine, go at it. I'll go make lunch, because I doubt you made something, Uncle Nicky?"

Nicky crosses his arms and puts his feet up on the cooler. "I bought steak. You didn't tell me you were bringing your pregnant lady and that I had to get kale or parsnip or whatever you California kids eat."

Madison grins. "Have you ever had quinoa salad with your burger?" she asks Nicky. "Because that's _heaven_. I can feel you shaking your head, Kevin," she sighs as she turns to him, catching him mid-shake. She glares at him. "Quinoa, tomatoes, some avocado, nuts and green beans. It's delicious, and next thing you know you never order fries with your burger ever again."

"That doesn't sound half-bad," Nicky nods. "But I don't have -"

Madison claps her hands, beaming. "That's okay, we stopped by the store on our way here." She tilts her head to Kevin, aiming for innocent, batting her lashes, but Kevin is no fool. "See? I told you we'd need quinoa."

"You planned this," he shakes his head at her. She's _devious_. But she's carrying his children, and if she wants quinoa, then he'll make her quinoa and even eat some with her.

When Kevin comes back with the salad, ready to put the steaks on the grill Nicky has outside by the trailer, he finds his uncle and Madison sitting closer, both their heads bent as she shows him something on her phone. They don't seem to notice him, so Kevin leans against the trailer, listening.

"I don't get it," Nicky tells her, sounding confused. "Why do people care about what he eats or how he looks after a run? Who wants to see someone sweating like a pig?"

"He sort of _glistens_ ," Madison shrugs. "It's annoying, really. Even after a run he looks good." She flicks her thumb across the screen, showing Nicky another picture from Kevin's Instagram. "He's a movie star, he's handsome, girls drool all over him and guys want to be like him. It's the whole point of Instagram. Beautiful people showing off their beautiful lives."

"And funny cat videos," Kevin intervenes.

Madison looks like she could jump out of her skin, her cheeks reddening in a second as she turns around in her chair and spots him. "Don't scare me like that, Kevin," she bats at his arm. "I could, like, go into labor like that. Don't be a creep."

Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. " _I'm_ the creep? You're the one drooling all over my Instagram."

She tries glaring at him, but it looks weak with her red cheeks. "I'm only trying to teach your uncle."

"And it still doesn't make any sense," Nicky grumbles. "You're far prettier than he is, why does he get more followers than you?" he asks.

Kevin leaves them to it, Madison explaining the intricacies of Hollywood and Internet fame to a very confused Nicky who keeps saying it doesn't make any sense. Which, Kevin has to admit, he sort of agrees with. He's very aware of the fact that his abs and face got him millions, and that ninety percent of the people who watched _The Manny_ only did because he was hot, since it clearly _wasn't_ because of the great storylines. A lot of people still found him funny and sweet, too, and keep bringing up the pilot and that scene with the baby, but Kevin's not so blind that he doesn't know that his fame and fortune were built on good looks more than skill. _Still_ \- he's not sorry. He may not be a genius like Randall, and he doesn't have Kate's or his mother's voices, but he's done this all on his own, and he's becoming the kind of actor he's always wanted to be at long last. So what if it's a bad sitcom that made him famous? It's the same terrible sitcom that gave him the money to take care of his mother, and be able to raise two kids without ever having to work another day in his life if he didn't want to.

He doesn't want to stop, though, not when he's finally found his voice, his path. Kevin's been thinking about it - he'll probably take some months off, maybe a full year, after the twins are born, but he's not ready to put an end to his career. That's not the example he wants to set for his children; that just because he's rich enough to quit, he will. He wants to show them that you've got to fight for what you want, that you can't just let it go.

Like he's not willing to let _this_ go - this thing they're building with Madison. He's heard his mother's warning, he has, but...

Madison's taking selfies with Nicky who's probably grimacing on every picture, and Kevin can't imagine her doing that with another man, with his family. She _is_ family. As Kate's best friend, as Jack's godmother, and now as the mother of his children - she's family and she's been for longer than he realized.

And now it's up to him to make it permanent.

* * *

Nicky studies him as he sips his coffee. His scrutiny makes Kevin squirm in his own skin. It's lucky that he always plays the cop, not the bad guy; he wouldn't last one minute under the interrogation light bulb. "Whatever you're gonna say, just say it," he finally says. "You're looking at me like my dad did when he found out I was having sex."

"Why is it that you believe I want to hear about your sex life?" Nicky sighs. He tilts his head, staring at his trailer; Madison's napping in there. Whether it's because of their trip to the emergency room, or because she is indeed getting more tired these days, she's barely been able to stay up on her feet today. "The last time you were here, you slept with the woman whose marriage you were trying to fix," Nicky says slowly. "I'm just wondering who that girl is."

Kevin leans back in his chair, crossing his fingers behind his neck. "She's Kate's best friend."

"Ah." Nicky nods his head to himself. "Back in my day, there was this rule -"

"Yeah, it still exists," Kevin interrupts him. "You're not supposed to go anywhere near your sister's girlfriends, I know. But I did, and here we are."

Nicky lets out a heavy sigh. "I can always go back to calling you Hollywood douchebag, if you're just going to be full of shit like that," he shakes his head. "You flew that girl all over the country to introduce her to your family. You don't do that with just anyone. What's the story there?"

It's Kevin's turn to sigh. He's been asking himself the same question over and over again. There are the basic facts - that afternoon at Kate's house, drinking tea, talking, going back to her house, kissing her, making her laugh as he pushed her against the wall, feeling her tremble when he pushed in - and there are the reasons he's conjured up to explain it all, his heartbreak, her loneliness, how they were both single and not hurting anyone. But that's no story; it's just a bad synopsis for a just as bad TV movie. The real story...

The real story is that he'd just closed a very huge chapter of his life on the day of Claire's funeral, finally saying goodbye to Sophie without feeling this ache or this hole in his heart. It had felt right, being there for her, to honor a woman who had always been nothing but supportive to him, and it had felt final in a way it hadn't before. And then he'd come across Madison and she'd felt real, and Kevin wanted, _needed_ real in his life. She was annoyed and upset, that much was obvious on her face when she'd opened the door; but she'd let him in and given him a space to be real with her, a window in time where he didn't have to be perky and selfie-ready, where he could talk to someone who understood that however weird his life was, being a movie star, his problems were still problems; that he was allowed to seek comfort in someone else.

All this talking and opening up had led to sex like it often did with Kevin, _true_ \- but it had felt different. He'd slept with Madison because she _was_ nice, not because she'd _made_ things nicer. With most of the women he'd slept with or dated, it had always been about looking for something: with Olivia he'd been looking for something deeper underneath the icy exterior; Sloane had been a way to make himself feel better at first, then an attempt at making himself better. With Sophie he'd chased a dream, the long-forgotten illusion of youth and first love and the magic of it all, without putting any of the effort that true love really demands. He'd done it for Zoe; it's the only relationship that dissolved because they wanted different things, and not because he was too much of a coward or too lazy to commit.

With Madison...he hadn't been thinking at all. He'd simply dived in because everything about her was inviting, the way she rambled and her quirks, her contagious grin - all the things he'd dismissed before, thinking she was sort of crazy. All of a sudden all the pieces had seemed to fit just right.

Kevin rubs at his jaw, wincing at his coffee gone cold. "It's complicated," he finally says.

Nicky scoffs. "Everything's always complicated with you. You've got a pretty girl who's carrying your children and who makes you laugh. How is _that_ complicated?" he asks, cheeky.

"You know what? It _is_ complicated," Kevin snarls with no real heat. "Because she's pregnant. And because I like her. And if I tell her, she's gonna think it's all about the babies and that it's not real, and then I'll lose her, and I don't want that, all right? I don't want her retreating back to her shell and talking about lawyers and custody rights and putting distance between us." Kevin puts his mug down, leaning his elbows on his knees. "What happens if I tell her how I feel when _I'm_ not even one hundred percent certain of how I feel myself?"

"Does anyone ever?" Nicky offers wistfully. "How do you ever know how you feel or what you want if you don't give it a try? Do you want to end up like me?" he waves his hand around. "Living with all your ghosts?"

Kevin swallows hard. He knows so little about his uncle's life. What more did Nicky lose to the war? Did he have someone back home who'd moved on by the time he came back? How did he spend his days, his _years_ out here? How could his father leave him alone, he who was always so eager to help out everyone else?

"You're a good kid, but you're an idiot sometimes," Nicky goes on, patting his knee. "Nobody's asking you to marry the girl. But if you like her - then tell her. Tell her before it's too late and the distance between you comes from bottling everything in."

"What if she doesn't like me back?" Kevin asks in a low voice.

He sounds like a little boy, even he can hear it, but - it's the scary truth, isn't it? He has no control over anything. Kevin can't promise Madison that everything will be all right any more than he can expect her to feel the same when he can't even name it himself, _what_ he feels for her. He likes her, he does; but it's definitely too soon to jump into things and rush in like a fool and say he's in love, because he's not. It's infatuation and fondness cemented by how close they've been since Jack's birthday, sharing this secret together, and getting to know her. He likes her because she's sweet and witty and makes him smile even when she's not trying to; but saying he's in love? What if he says it and realizes he's not? What then? Neither of them deserves that kind of heartbreak. And what if he says it and she doesn't feel the same? What if the reason why she said she was going to do this alone was because she _didn't_ want _him_?

He knows he'd sound like a douche if he said it, so he doesn't, but he's not used to that. Even back in high school girls were all over him; he never had any reason to care because he loved Sophie, but he'd noticed, and it had never stopped. He could get in any party and go home with any girl; even back at Kate's wedding, it wouldn't have taken a lot of moves to get Madison squirming beneath him. But _this_ isn't a game; Madison isn't just any girl. She's the one who isn't afraid to call him out when he's being a dick or an overprotective mama hen; she's the one who was brave enough to tell him she could handle this on her own so he could go out and find his great love story.

What if _she_ is?

Nicky squeezes his shoulder. "Since when do you quit like that? If you didn't quit on my old, drunken ass, why are you quitting this time?"

Kevin shakes his head. "I'm not - it's -"

" _Complicated_ , yes, I know," Nicky sighs. "You told me before. But...you're your father's son. Jack went all the way to Vietnam for me," he explains, "just like _you_ did before you came here. You don't half-ass things. So if you like that girl, you're gonna tell her and show her, because I enjoy my quiet time, you know? I don't plan on sitting here all afternoon listening to you talk about your feelings."

Nicky stretches his legs, propping them on the cooler as he puts his coffee mug to the ground and closes his eyes for good measure. Kevin mirrors him. "Okay, I get it. No more whining." He lasts about one minute before he adds: "Did you have a girlfriend, back in the day? Or a boyfriend, that's cool too. Randall's dad was bi, you know, that was a fun Christmas revelation."

"Just shut up and enjoy the quiet, kid."

* * *

Nicky falls asleep in the sun, leaving Kevin alone with his thoughts which has _never_ been a great idea.

He can't help thinking of his father. How could he enlist to go to Vietnam and join his brother, and then leave him to deal with the aftermath of the war all alone? It doesn't reconcile with the memory of Jack Pearson, of the man who told him time and again that he _had_ to be there for his brother, to look out for him, when all this time he'd done far worse. Is it the reason why his father was so hard on him? Because he didn't want him to ever be estranged from Randall like he'd been with Nicky? He had _years_ to change his mind, though. His father had his mother and their family when Nicky had no one but the debilitating guilt that crushed him.

Kevin sighs heavily, pulling at the short strands of his hair. Thinking of his father has always been painful, even more so since his fight with Randall. The idea that his father could have died ashamed of him...somehow, the idea of being ashamed of himself outweighs that fear for once.

Kevin doesn't want the past controlling his life, nor for the shadow of his father to daunt him with all the what ifs and could have beens. He's never going to be Jack Pearson, and that's okay. His parents had this epic love story, boy meets girl and falls in love within an heartbeat, and that worked for them; that feeling of pure magic drove them for two decades, for better and for worse, and would have taken them to the finish line for sure. Maybe Kevin isn't meant for that, and maybe it's about time he stops thinking that it means he's cursed or doing something wrong. Maybe it's time he listens to his mother when she tells him love is a choice you keep making. He's almost forty and it's about time he stops blaming the _Challenger_ disaster for everything that went wrong in his life.

It wasn't such a bad year, after all, considering it was the year Madison was born.

Kevin stands and tiptoes inside the trailer. Madison is curled up on Nicky's bed; she looks so _small_ like this, _actual_ Sleeping Beauty with her pale skin and rosy lips and golden hair draped over her cheek, such a sharp contrast to how big she feels, he can't help staring at her for a while.

Madison is always so bubbly and loud, it feels strange, seeing her this quiet and peaceful. But after the couple of days - couple of _months_ , really - she's had, Kevin believes she deserves her rest. She's always so composed and stylish, clothes that fit perfectly, make-up that enhances her natural beauty, Kevin wonders if she knows just how truly beautiful she is _without_ all of that. She has such delicate features, she'd be the perfect model for a portrait if he had any drawing talent.

He sits down on the bed, gently stroking her hair while whispering her name. "Hey, Madison." She only nuzzles deeper into the pillow; Kevin squeezes her shoulder. "Hey, I gotta go for a little while, but -"

"What?" Madison frowns in her sleep. Her voice is husky as she clears her throat and slowly blinks her eyes open. "Where - how long?" she cranes her neck, looking outside for the fading afternoon sun. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"The whole afternoon," Kevin chuckles. "It's okay, you were exhausted. Nicky's outside, napping, too. Will you - will you be okay, staying here with him for a while?" he asks, nervously scratching at his neck.

Madison stirs up, propping herself on her elbow. There's a mark on her cheek from the sheets Kevin can't help but reach out to and stroke with his thumb. "Where are you going?" Madison asks. "I hope this isn't becoming a habit, you leaving when I wake up."

She laughs awkwardly, but it tugs at Kevin's heartstrings. He _was_ such an asshole to her that morning, gone before breakfast, dismissing their time together as if it were some dirty little secret nobody needed to ever hear about.

He leans in slowly, gently tipping Madison's face as he brushes his mouth against hers tentatively.

Madison sighs in surprise, seeking her balance with her free hand on Kevin's knee. He feels her fingers clench around it when he touches the tip of his tongue to her upper lip. It feels good, taking his time; slowly tracing her lip, swallowing her breath as she exhales. Madison smiles against his mouth as she raises her hand, twining her fingers in the chain of his necklace, pulling him closer as she tugs at it.

His fingertips drag along her jawline, leaving her face to settle at the back of her neck, cupping the nape as he kisses her, firm and sure. He's had her giddy and delirious and moaning before, but this isn't like that - she's soft and gentle and pliant in his hands, and Kevin doesn't want to let go.

It's the problem, isn't it? He can't be rational around her, she's turned his brain to mush. Whenever he sees her he can't imagine not touching her, and when he does, he can't imagine ever stopping. Madison does this - this _noise_ \- something half caught between a moan and a whimper, and he sucks her lower lip into his mouth for good measure, has her nails scratching against the open neck of his shirt.

Madison pulls back, soothing her tongue over her swollen bottom lip. He probably looks as dazed as she does. She pushes weakly at his jaw, turning his face away when he leans in for a last kiss. "Just... _go_. Go do whatever you need to do before we end up in a bigger mess," she says, running her hand through her hair.

Kevin shakes his head. "This - we're _not_ a mess, Madison," he tells her, earnest. "I - I'm going to a meeting, okay? I need to clear my head, but..." He runs his hand down the side of her face, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. "When I come back, we're going on a walk, okay? There's this nice little walk trail around, the view is magnificent and it's mostly flat, it won't be too draining for you. And you can make flower crowns and I'll take a hundred pictures of you while Nicky groans about how weird we are, and then we'll have dinner and some marshmallows and we don't have to make this a mess. We don't."

Madison sucks her lip in, nodding. "Sounds like a good plan."

Kevin nods eagerly. "It's my best, honestly. It's easy enough, even _I_ should be able to follow it."

Madison laughs, lightly punching his shoulder. Then her gaze grows more serious; she brushes her knuckles to his cheek. "Are you okay?" she asks softly. "Is this because of..." she trails off.

Kevin bites at the inside of his cheek. "It shook me, it did," he admits. "But I'll be okay. I just need an hour to talk it out, clear my head, and I'll be right back."

He needs an hour to stop seeing the blood on her nightdress and the tears in her eyes; an hour to make sure he's strong enough not to empty the mini bar in his hotel room tonight, when Madison isn't there to stop him. And then...

And then he's going to listen to Nicky for once, and stop being a quitter.

Madison sits up and wraps an arm around his neck, pulling him back in. Her lips are teasing as they brush against his, and this time she's the one holding him in the palm of her hand. He falls easily for her charm, eager and willing.

She pulls away with a wolfish grin on her face. "Now that should do," Madison says smugly. "I don't see you fleeing and putting thousands of miles between us _now_."

Kevin rolls his eyes. Still, he's a little short of breath. "You're devious."

"Deviously clever," Madison agrees with a tilt of her head. " _Go_. I need to nap again if you're gonna make me hike in the woods. Dr. Zheng said I shouldn't be hiking, so brace yourself, you might need to carry me all the way back."

Kevin laughs as he stands. "It'll be good for my biceps."

* * *

When he exits the trailer Nicky is still snoring, for which Kevin is grateful. He doesn't need another smartass Pearson grinning at him like he's a love-struck idiot; Beth gave him enough of that the night before, Kevin's never telling them about anything ever again.

He calls Kate while he flickers through the radio stations, but ends up on her voicemail. "Hey, Kate, it's me, Kev. I, uh...I'm all in, okay? I'm doing this, I'm giving this thing with Madison a try," he elaborates. "And...I don't know where that will take us, or if she even wants that, but...I'm doing it anyway. I know it's risky and I know she's your best friend and that you'll kick my sorry ass if I mess this up, but...I'm done quitting on things that matter, so..." He gnaws at his thumbnail. "I'm going to wine and dine her, _without_ actual wine and with all this weird food she eats, I don't care, I'm just gonna try my best, all right? And I hope that's good enough for her. And if you want to help me with that - that'll be great. I'm gonna find the time to take her out on a date, you know, like normal people do, and your suggestions are welcome. Other than that...keep all your yelling to yourself. You don't need to yell at me, I'm not gonna screw this up because, _Jesus_ , she's great. She really is. She deserves the best."

Kevin hangs up, then drives off. He only checks his phone again just before attending the meeting.

_Kate_

_5.20pm_

_...Okay?_

_Kate_

_5.25pm_

_You're pretty great too._

_Kate_

_5.28pm_

_Also, if you and Madison have decided to tell me all about your life, maybe just start a podcast together, you know? So I can choose to listen to it if I want to, which, I don't._

* * *

_to be continued_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison  
> 6.30pm  
> So hypothetically speaking, if your brother said he wanted to give this a try, what am I supposed to understand?
> 
> Madison  
> 6.32pm  
> I mean, he did kiss me again. As I woke up, with puffy eyes. That means something, right???
> 
> Madison  
> 6.35pm  
> Then again, maybe it's just hormones? Guys get hormonal during pregnancy too, right? Maybe he just got this surge of oxytocin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here goes the team-up we never knew we needed but all do: nicky and madison! enjoy!

When Madison emerges from her second nap, it takes her a while to realize that her conversation with Kevin _really_ happened. It's only the lingering taste of his lips on hers that manages to convince her it wasn't just a dream. Madison blushes just at the mere thought - she doesn't have _that_ much imagination, and never in a million years would she have dreamed of Kevin Pearson telling her he was all in and wanted to give this - _them_ \- a shot. She goes to the sink and splashes some water on her face.

Madison runs her hand through her tousled locks and reaches for her phone. She _needs_ Kate to make sense of everything Kevin said.

_Madison_

_6.30pm_

_So hypothetically speaking, if your brother said he wanted to give this a try, what am I supposed to understand?_

_Madison_

_6.32pm_

_I mean, he did kiss me again. As I woke up, with puffy eyes. That means something, right???_

_Madison_

_6.35pm_

_Then again, maybe it's just hormones? Guys get hormonal during pregnancy too, right? Maybe he just got this surge of oxytocin._

Kate's answers come in a series of short texts with lots of caps.

_Kate_

_6.40pm_

_OH MY GOD MADISON_

_Kate_

_6.41pm_

_HE LIKES YOU AND YOU LIKE HIM_

_Kate_

_6.42pm_

_There's literally nothing more to say here!!!_

_Kate_

_6.45pm_

_It's like, you two are so obvious._

_Kate_

_6.47pm_

_This isn't high school anymore, I don't need a play-by-play of every kiss. He likes you, you like him, you're pregnant with his kids, everything's working out just fine. Breathe!_

Madison can't help laughing. She may be driving Kate crazy, but she knows that Kate's happy for them no matter what. She finally gets up and joins Nicky, who's reading a poetry book. "Hey, I'm sorry for dozing off like that all day," she apologizes.

Nicky gives her a small nod without looking up from his page. "That's okay. Better than Kevin sitting down to talk about his feelings," he pretends to shudder. "I don't know what he told you about me, but I'm not a great conversationalist."

Madison smiles. "That's okay. I've been told I tend to be weird and inappropriate upon first meeting people, too." At that, Nicky chuckles. "Can I ask you something weird and inappropriate?"

He takes her in for a minute, then marks his page and puts his book down. "You and the kid were meant to be," he says, more to himself than anything. "Go ahead."

"What were you and Kevin up to while he was here?" Madison asks. She's been having a hard time imagining what Kevin must have been up to for weeks here - besides romancing the local, separated women, apparently. Madison can't imagine him fishing or hiking all day without going crazy. "He's so chatty and he always needs to be in motion, and you..." She tilts her head to the side, shrugging one shoulder. "You don't seem like the type to enjoy that."

"I don't," Nicky agrees. He crosses his arms over his chest, looking pensive. "When they first found me here, all I wanted was for them to leave. But Kevin..." Nicky shakes his head, a small smile flickering on his lips. "He's stubborn like his dad. And like his dad, this kid is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Madison strokes a hand over her belly; she can relate. In a way, Kevin is also one of the best things that ever happened to her. "He told me you two went hiking together."

Nicky rolls his eyes. "He tried digging me an early grave," he deadpans. "Sometimes he forgets that he's tall _and_ young and that he only needs to take, like, three steps to reach the top of the hill." He turns more fully towards Madison. "But it keeps him focused. He looks good. You don't have to worry about him."

Madison bites at her lip. "Am I that obvious?" she asks weakly. "It's just...we had a scare, the other night," she confesses. Somehow, it feels okay, telling him. If anyone can understand how worried she is over Kevin right now, it's his uncle. "It rattled me, and it shook Kevin too, and I wish there was... _more_ I could do for him, you know? More to help." She spans her hands across her belly. "I don't want to add more stress to his plate."

Nicky nods his head to himself. "I'm no shrink, you know," he starts, "and most days I'm not even sure I like this doctor I'm seeing, but...taking care of others _is_ how Kevin takes care of himself." He pauses, scratching at his neck. "He just - takes it upon himself to fix everyone, doesn't he? And I used to think he was an idiot, taking all the weight of the world on his shoulders like that, because he's just doomed to fall underneath it, right? But not Kevin. Helping others - it's in his blood. You won't help him by hiding things from him, even if that's out of concern," he tips his chin at her. "He's gonna spoil you and these babies rotten, and if I've learned anything, it's best to let Kevin do his thing. He just gets a lot more annoying if you don't."

"He crept up on you," Madison says with a smile.

Nicky grimaces. "He wore me down." He reaches out, patting her hand. "Now you tell me how he scored a pretty girl like you, you're so out of his league."

Madison laughs, blushing. "I thought you didn't like talking about feelings."

Nicky shakes his head. " _Kevin's_. The kid has _a lot_ of them." He rubs his fingers between his brows. "It's, like, he never shuts up, right? And I don't even really need to be there, he just talks and talks and then he stops and thanks you even if you haven't said a word." The old man complains, but he looks so fond at the same time, Madison knows there's no heat behind his words.

"He's pretty great at speeches, though," Madison offers. "He has this way with words, I'm not even sure he realizes it."

She thinks back on that day at Kate's house, listening to Kevin rant and vent about his life, feeling like he was talking about _her_ and how she felt. There was something incredibly attractive about that vulnerability he'd displayed, letting down his guard, that had made her surrender her walls in turn. It'd felt safe - letting him _see_ her. Kevin made her feel safe.

He still does. Madison has told him some of the darkest things about her, like her fear of being unlovable, and he doesn't look at her any different. Everyone she's ever tried opening up to has somehow dismissed her - guys keep telling her she's so pretty, how can she feel like that, and it's nice, Madison knows they mean well, but it has also always made her feel like what she feels isn't valid, like she's even _weirder_ than she believed for feeling that way.

Kevin only tries to help; without judgment, without doing that thing most men do, coming up with a solution to every problem like it's so easy. Kevin listens, and even if he doesn't understand, he's still here. For the past couple of months he's proven himself to be trustworthy, solid and reliable, and maybe it's crazy - it _totally_ is, Madison can't deny it, but why shouldn't she trust him with her heart, too? If Kevin says he wants to give them a try, and she does too, what else is keeping them from doing it?

When she realizes she's spaced out, Madison's blush only deepens. Nicky either has the good grace not to stare, or he doesn't mind; that's a nice contrast from Kevin who notices every single thing about her and from whom she can't seem to hide much. "It must be weird to you, your nephew bringing a complete stranger like that," Madison muses.

She cocks a surprised eyebrow when Nicky chuckles. "Kevin has the strangest relationships with people. It'd be far weirder if he had met a girl, told me about it, then brought her up here after a few months of dating, maybe gotten a kid a few years later. That's not the way he works."

"You two sound pretty close."

Nicky scratches his neck. "I've spent decades alone, and it suited me just fine. There was no one to tell me what to do," he shrugs. "This kid shows up, and all of a sudden he tells me we're family, and that Pearsons look after one another, and...you ever tried saying _no_ to Kevin?" he asks with an amused grin. "Because _I_ did, and it didn't work. When he decides you're worth it he doesn't let go. And every once in a while he gets it right," he adds with a nod to her.

Madison rubs at her arm; it's getting chilly. "I don't know about that," she says softly. "If it weren't for..."

It's a bit painful to admit - that if it weren't for the babies, Kevin would have never given her the time of the day again. But on the other hand...it's not like she called him, either. They mutually agreed to forget about it.

Nicky muses it, then he stands and goes to the trailer, bringing back a blanket that he wraps around Madison's shoulders awkwardly. "Kevin will kill me if I let you freeze to death," he comments.

"Thanks." Madison wraps it around herself more fully, bending her knees as she rests her feet on the cooler. It alleviates the weight at the small of her back, and she moans in appreciation. "These babies weigh a ton, and I'm _only_ four months along."

"Have you _seen_ Kevin?" Nicky laughs. "Jack wasn't even that tall, I don't know where he gets it from. Hey, are you hungry?" he adds, a shadow of concern in his brown eyes. "Because I don't know how to make those salads you like."

Madison shakes her head. "You know what? I _really_ want marshmallows."

By the time Kevin's car pulls up, Nicky has the fire running and Madison has already popped half a dozen marshmallows in her mouth. Kevin catches her with her cheeks full like a squirrel, and he laughs.

"Can't leave you two on your own," he chuckles, affectionately patting his uncle's shoulder. "What about dinner?" he asks around.

"We're all adults, we can start with dessert if we damn please," Nicky shrugs. He turns to Madison and winks at her.

Kevin does a double-take. "What - what was that? I leave you two alone for an hour and all of a sudden you two are sharing private winks?" He gestures at the two of them, then places a hand over his chest in faux-hurt. "I'm your nephew, Nicky, and that hurts."

"Shut up and get the sausages."

Kevin's eyes widen. "Sausages and marshmallows? What is happening here? When I left you only swore by quinoa and nuts," he waves at Madison.

Madison shrugs her shoulders. "Nicky told me about the ice-cream in a carton. I'm weak."

Kevin only rolls his eyes, mumbling something about them being kids as he starts grilling the sausages.

* * *

"You sure you don't want to come with us, Uncle Nicky?" Kevin asks one last time as he helps Madison into a thicker jacket, zipping it up to her chin like she's a child. If it weren't so sweet Madison would almost feel offended that he's _adding_ more clothes instead of trying to shed them.

Not that she wants him to. Well - she wouldn't exactly be _opposed_ to the idea, even if she's not a hundred percent comfortable with it, more like, maybe forty percent considering the extra curves and the stretch marks on her belly, but mostly it's the constant nausea that makes Madison consider the whole sex thing a definite _no_ at the moment. And there's no way she's letting Kevin take her clothes off which would sort of impede the whole thing. Sex is enough of a mess already, it might just be the worst time to think about it.

Nicky vigorously shakes his head. "So I can watch you kids making out in the woods like a couple of horny teenagers? Hell no."

He can't read her mind, can he? "Maybe he's going to try and butcher me," Madison suggests. " _That'd_ be unexpected."

Kevin gives her a weird look. Madison only shrugs. "Why would you say that?" He turns to his uncle. "I'm _not_ gonna murder her, don't listen to her."

Nicky rolls his eyes. "Either way. See you tomorrow, you two, preferably not before ten," he says, then closes the door to his trailer behind him.

Kevin rolls his eyes in turn, then puts a hand to Madison's back, gently stirring her up towards the walk trail beyond the trees. "Come on, let's make the most out of this un-chaperoned time."

Madison cocks an eyebrow at him. "Oh, so you _are_ planning something. Should I worry?"

Kevin gives her a sweet, lopsided smile. "No, I'll be the perfect gentleman." He tucks his hands in his pockets for good measure.

They walk for a while, Kevin pointing to flowers or paths he went hiking with Nicky every now and then. Other than that it's a quiet walk, and Madison relishes it, not having to jump straight from slowly navigating their newfound reality to the part where they just dive in and give this thing between them a try. Two nights ago they were at the hospital, believing the worst had happened; two months ago Madison was first telling him about the babies. Two months before that...

Madison chuckles to herself. This thing with Kevin is the longest relationship she's been in in a while, and they still haven't defined it. _Boyfriend_ and _girlfriend_ sounds pretty juvenile for two grown-ups who are expecting children together, but at the same time, what is she supposed to call him?

"What's so funny?" Kevin softly enquires, bumping into her side.

Madison shakes her head. "Nothing, I was just... _nothing_ ," she smiles at him. She feels sixteen again, butterflies in her stomach - except now they're being crushed by Kevin's two giant babies. Madison puts her hands on her hips, fingers massaging into the small of her back. "Your kids weigh a ton," she whines.

Kevin gives her a crooked smile. "Want me to give you a piggy ride?"

"And how do you work around this?" Madison rolls her eyes, spanning her hands across her belly.

"A bike and a side-car?"

Madison snorts, hiding her laughter behind her hands. "You sound better," she tells him softly when she's done dabbing at her eyes.

Kevin nods his head. "I feel better, yeah." He rubs his hands together, absently toying with his fingers.

"Is there..." Madison lingers, not knowing how to say it, _if_ there's a way to say it. "Is there a good way to ask someone if they had a good meeting? Is there such a thing as a good meeting? Should I ask this kind of thing?" Madison rambles. "Like, is it my place to ask?"

Kevin turns to her, reaching for her hand. "Yes, you can ask. It's actually very sweet that you do," he says slowly, "and that was a good meeting. And, uh, what was the other thing?"

He sweeps his thumb over her knuckles, and Madison can't remember her own name. Kevin tilts his head to the side, half-concerned, half-curious, and she can't help babbling out: "Did you tell them I bled all over the couch? Because that was super gross, and I don't want strangers to know how grossed out I made you feel? Like, I get that you were, but now they do too and -"

"Madison, stop." He clasps her hands in both of his, squeezing. "You are growing two human beings inside of you. _Our_ two human beings. You could throw up on me and still, I'd probably say _thank you for your service_ or something weird like that, all right?" He holds her palms to his heart. "You scared me, okay? I was scared for you. Not just for the babies, for you too. I don't care about anything else."

His heartbeat is steady, soothing. "You mean that," Madison speaks softly.

"Of course I do," Kevin agrees. He presses a kiss to her forehead before looping an arm around her shoulders, guiding her forward. "I'm not gonna be one of those guys who keeps complaining about his girl all the time, okay? I didn't need a drink because of you, or because you annoy me. I needed a drink because the idea of losing you scared the shit out of me. But I don't want to be the guy who needs a drink, so I go to meetings when that happens, all right? I didn't go there to complain about you."

"Okay."

He plays with the ends of her hair, rubbing it between two fingers. "And I realize I've just called you my girl, but if you don't -"

"I do."

He chuckles. "Okay."

"Okay."

Madison's thankful for the fading light that hides her pink cheeks. She focuses her attention on her surroundings. She's always been a California girl, never straying much farther than the west coast; going for a walk in the woods isn't something she's used to, but there's a strange peace to it. She grew up near the beach; she knows the sun and the sand and watching guys surfing, crossing paths with celebrities all the time, Madison wonders what it would be like, raising children here.

"You still thinking about building that house?" she asks Kevin. "With your dad's plans?"

The question surprises him; Madison sees it in the tick of his jaw. "I guess so, yeah," Kevin replies quietly. "Maybe sooner than I'd planned, I just feel like...I don't know, I guess I want my mom to enjoy it, see it happen and - _still_ remember that it was supposed to be my dad's gift to her." He shrugs, bringing her closer. "But what would I do with a house here now? I can't see myself going back to Pennsylvania at the moment, and it's not like..."

He trails off, not finishing his sentence. "Not like what?" Madison asks cautiously. Hope is a dangerous thing, and there's something in his tone...

Kevin sighs, absently dropping another kiss to the crown of her hair. "We're about to have kids. I'm not gonna make plans about building a house and, I don't know, having my mom move in there and take care of her like I'm the only one who decides here."

Madison feels her throat closing up; she's touched that he's including her in his future plans. The idea of them becoming parents together is still somewhat surreal; their deciding to give this relationship a try is still so fresh, so imagining herself with Kevin _years_ from now? The fact that it doesn't seem weird to him? That means more to Madison than words can say.

"Is that something you'd want?" she asks instead as she wraps her arm around him and squeezes back. "Moving back here, closer to where you grew up?"

Kevin ponders it for a while. The comforting weight of his arm around her shoulders helps Madison focus on the fact that he's not shutting her out, only thinking it through. She doesn't want to push him. "I don't know. It's still sort of new - the idea that I _am_ going to be a dad. Not that it could happen someday, you know, but that it _is_ happening. But...I guess, _maybe_? But not right now. We both have careers in L.A., and that's where our life is at the moment. And our life's pretty good."

He tilts his head and smiles at her, and Madison feels it again, that melting feeling inside. Lately it's been coming back more and more, Kevin's smiles or the way he looks at her sometimes sending her heart in overdrive. "It is," Madison agrees softly. She can't help thinking that she could be an event planner anywhere; there has to be some girl scouts program who could use some help selling cookies, or someone with a pet wolf who wants to throw them a birthday party. That'd add some character to her resume. "And if you want to build that house, why don't you turn it into a bed and breakfast, or a venue in the meantime?" she suggests. "Kate and Toby's wedding was gorgeous, do you know how much people would be willing to pay to book such a beautiful place?"

Kevin stares at her, impressed. "You know what? That's a great idea. I should pick your brain more often."

"You should," Madison nods eagerly, bringing a hand to her belly. "Clearly I only make great decisions."

"You do," Kevin laughs. "I bet you could do the whole interior decoration. Your house looks very stylish."

Madison blushes. "Thanks. I thought about going into interior design at some point, I love those house flipping shows. Decorating a house like that...it'd be like being a kid running free in Santa's workshop."

"I'm sure you'd look cute in an elf costume."

Madison rolls her eyes. "There you go. What is it with you and what I'm wearing?"

Kevin holds up his free hand in the air. "Hey, I'm just a simple man, okay? It's the way our brain works."

"You never hear women saying men in a Santa costume are sexy."

"Which is why you're far more evolved than we are," Kevin nods. "No but imagine it, how cute it would be, you and the twins dressed as elves for our Christmas greeting cards?"

"And what would _you_ be wearing?"

Kevin grins. "I'll be taking the pictures."

"Yeah, no," Madison shakes her head. "My sister warned me against boys and their cameras, I'm not falling for that."

"Smart girl," Kevin agrees. "The Internet was nasty even before the Cloud. Hey, you never talk about your sister," he goes on. "What does she do?"

Madison presses her hand against the side of her belly. "Yeah, if we're gonna delve into story time, then I need a break."

Kevin guides her to the nearest boulder, helping her sit down. "The babies are kicking?" he enquires, gently running his hand down her side as he crouches before her.

Madison takes his hand and places it against the side. "Here, just wait. That's where the boy's feet are. He's the kicker." Kevin tries tickling the spot like Dr. Zheng showed him, and Madison giggles. "You're tickling _me_."

The baby kicks again though, and Kevin beams. "That's the coolest magic trick." He goes to sit beside her, placing a comforting hand on her knee. "Tell me about Lauren."

Madison stops and thinks. There are so many things to say about bright, beautiful Lauren, and at the same time, most of her stories are over a decade-old now. "We were really close growing up. Both her and Chris always took it very seriously, the big brother and big sister thing. Lauren was always looking after me. Sometimes I wonder if she became a lawyer so she could help everyone," Madison muses.

"She sounds nice," Kevin offers kindly.

Madison nods. "Yeah, yeah she is." Her family has been worried and judgmental at times, but deep down they're all very nice people. The fact that they don't know how to coexist anymore hasn't changed that. "I'm sure you'd like her, she's sort of sassy, never keeps her opinion to herself."

"Maybe I'll get to meet her," Kevin tries. "At the party for the babies."

Madison tries picturing it, her parents and brother and sister at her house, celebrating the babies. She could see Christopher and Lauren making a gesture and coming, but her parents? Madison has a hard time imagining her mother being happy about this. She's a worrier; she'll see everything that could go wrong, get inside Madison's head about Kevin and their relationship. The worst part is that Madison knows, deep down, that her mother isn't doing any of this to hurt her; it's just the way she gets when she can't control things. Madison knows because she gets the same way, gets lost in her own mind too sometimes. If it weren't for Kevin and Kate, Dr. Mason and her therapist, offering support all the time, Madison would lose it. She'd be unable to focus on anything other than the fact that there isn't any tangible commitment between them, that Kevin could walk out any day if he wanted to - that she's the kind of woman men _have_ walked out on a lot before. Her father is probably going to try and have a talk with Kevin like she's seventeen all over again, and needs him to take care of her life.

She turns to Kevin, leans her head against his shoulder. "Yeah, maybe."

* * *

_Kevin_

_11.30pm_

_Everything good in your room?_

_Madison_

_11.31pm_

_Yep, nothing's changed since you checked fifteen minutes ago. ;)_

_Kevin_

_11.32pm_

_Just making sure, there's something missing in mine._

_Madison_

_11.35pm_

_Oh, what? A breakfast basket? That's for me, remember, not for your midnight snacks. :p_

_Kevin_

_11.36pm_

_You. :)_

Oh, he's _good_ , Madison thinks, glad that she's alone under her own sheets so he doesn't see how red her cheeks are turning. The butterflies are clearly fighting to get more room.

_Madison_

_11.40pm_

_Goodnight, Kevin._

_Kevin_

_11.41pm_

_What, that doesn't even get me a goodnight kiss? ;) You're a tough one, Madison._

_Madison_

_11.45pm_

_I can't get up, your avocado babies weigh like pumpkins at night._

_Kevin_

_11.50pm_

_I could pick you up off bed. Which is, just so you know, the exact opposite location of where I want you, but I could, if it helped. I'm at your service._

_Madison_

_11.52pm_

_I'm already half-asleep._

_Kevin_

_11.53pm_

_Aw, come on._

_Madison_

_11.55pm_

_You don't need the ego boost._

_Kevin_

_11.56pm_

_Maybe I do?_

_Madison_

_11.58pm_

_You're even more persistent than guys who want nudes on Tinder._

_Kevin_

_11.59pm_

_WHAT_

_Kevin_

_12.00am_

_what guys_

_Kevin_

_12.01am_

_men are pigs_

_Madison_

_12.02am_

_Go to sleep, Kevin._

_Kevin_

_12.03am_

_Can't, now that you put that visual in my head._

_Madison_

_12.04am_

_As if you really needed me for that._

_Kevin_

_12.05am_

_True, true. I could paint you like one of those French girls._

Madison's _very_ happy that he can't see her. She stretches her arm over her head, sighing deeply. She doesn't need Kevin reminding her that he saw her naked; that she saw _him_ naked, felt his skin against hers, knows what he sounds like when he's losing control. Not being able to tell anyone about it has forced her to replay the moment in her head quite a few times; no one else has ever spoken her name like he did, lost between a prayer and a moan.

He'll be the death of her.

_Kevin_

_12.10am_

_You wake me up if you need anything, okay? For real._

_Madison_

_12.11am_

_Just get your ass over here, Kevin._

* * *

Cassidy drops by with her son for a brief visit on their third day in Bradford. Madison doesn't know what she expected, but she's nothing like what she pictured - she'd imagined a personal nurse, or someone from the veterans office, not someone whose posture and eyes scream military and an army of demons Madison can't even begin to comprehend.

The other woman lightly punches Kevin in the arm, laughing. "Guess you found your future Mrs. Pearson pretty quick. Good for you. Hi, I'm Cassidy, and this is Matty," she adds for Madison as she goes to shake her hand.

"Hi, I'm Madison." She shakes her hand, ignoring the _Mrs. Pearson_ comment; Madison is sort of used to it now. After Chelsea at the hotel and Nicky, Cassidy is the third person to make the joke. She turns to Matty instead. "So you're the fellow apple juice drinker, uh? You want a glass and some marshmallows with it?"

The boy nods eagerly, telling Kevin they'll play video games later as he dashes to where Nicky is feeding branches to the fire. Madison goes with him, only glancing at Kevin and Cassidy every once in a while.

Kevin looks relaxed, glad to see her but nothing more. Madison feels relieved. She _wasn't_ eager to watch him look longingly at another woman. Matty, on the other hand, is staring at her with wide eyes. "You and Kevin are having a baby?" he asks.

Madison raises two fingers. "Two, actually."

Matty takes the info in, nodding to himself. "That's cool. Do you play Mario Kart?"

Madison can't help laughing at the sudden change. "I've never played before, no, but I'd be happy if you showed me."

"Cool. 'Cause Nicky sucks."

"Hey, I _don't_ suck," Nicky grumbles. "My grandfather was Irish, I just can't play an Italian plumber."

"Mom says that's bullshit," Matty counters.

"Hey," Cassidy calls out. "Mom also says you can't use that kind of language." She comes to ruffle his hair. "It's not smart, offending the person who's roasting your marshmallows."

Matty pouts, ignoring her, focusing instead on showing Madison which buttons to press to play. "Oh, can I be the princess?" Madison asks excitedly.

Kevin chuckles. "Of course you'd choose Princess Peach."

"Well, your great-grandfather was Irish, I can't play an Italian plumber," Madison counters with a shrug. "Besides, I like princesses, sue me. What does she do?" she asks, turning back to Matty.

Madison feels Kevin's gaze on her as she plays and laughs with Cassidy's son; she's terrible and the boy isn't afraid to tell her. Kevin gives in, coming to her help. "When we get back home, I'm teaching you how to play," he tells her as he all but wraps his arms around her from behind and presses the buttons for her.

"You got one of these?" Madison asks, tilting her head to him.

"Focus on the screen, Peach's got decent top speed but her drifting's got a lot to improve," Kevin tells her, sounding so focused Madison instantly goes back to the game. Kevin manages to turn a sharp corner for her, and slowly releases his hold on her hands, letting her play on her own. "Matty's got me hooked last time I was here. I've got to train if I don't want him to tell me I suck too."

Matty laughs. "You're okay."

" _Okay_? I'm just okay?" Kevin stammers, laughing too. "God, you're hard on me, kiddo. I'm gonna need to eat all the marshmallows to soothe that burn, starting with yours," he teases, grabbing Matty around the waist and throwing him over his shoulder like he's a potato bag.

The boy laughs and hits at Kevin's back while Kevin pops S'mores in his mouth. Cassidy takes his seat beside Madison. "Still feels weird that my son's favorite person is a forty year-old man," she comments.

" _Still_ thirty-nine," Kevin calls out, pouting. "You're the one making it weird."

Madison pats her belly. "I'm definitely not going to be the one teaching these two how to play Mario Kart, so...I'll focus on ballet and ice-skating. We've got to balance each other on that front, I guess."

Cassidy nods. "Balance, that's essential. Matty's dad, he's the one who's been dealing with everyday life stuff for the most part, while I was..." Her gaze gets lost for a moment, then she shakes her head. "I suck at Mario Kart too. I still believe Matty hasn't shown me all the special moves though."

"Practice makes perfect."

"Yeah," Cassidy agrees softly. She leans in, resting her elbows on her lap. "You're, what, four months along, aren't you?" she asks. "You've got that glow, the shiny hair, this whole thing."

"I do?" Madison asks, surprised. "I feel sick all the time and whenever I look in the mirror I feel like I'm staring at a tired panda."

Cassidy shakes her head. "Yeah, I don't miss feeling like crap," she says. "But there's a difference between how you feel and how you look. Trust me. Looking back now, I just love looking at pictures from that time." There's longing in her eyes as she looks at her son. "They grow up so fast."

Madison watches Kevin and Matty devouring S'mores, melted chocolate all over their mouths. Nicky pretends to roll his eyes, but he's not fooling anyone. He has to be over seventy but he looks younger, somehow; something about his eyes and the laughter in them. Madison hopes he'll look at her children like that someday, too - three generations of Pearsons reunited.

"Time's a funny thing," Madison muses to herself. "Four months ago I could have never imagined myself here."

"Four months ago I could have never imagined that _the manny_ would save my family," Cassidy echoes. When Madison tilts her head to her, surprised, she elaborates. "Kevin tried helping me fix my marriage, but that was a done deal long before he came along. But he helped me see what mattered - Matty. So Ryan and I, we decided to go see a therapist, do some family sessions. It's not all perfect or anything, but it helps. Puts some things in perspective."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Cassidy shrugs. "You know, at first I thought Kevin was just this annoying, stubborn guy who couldn't take _no_ for an answer. Like, he was so adamant about getting all mixed up in my marriage. But I'm glad he did. Ryan and I are civil to each other now, we have family dinner once a week...it's nothing like the nasty divorce I was afraid we were getting all these months ago. And that's all thanks to him," she tips her chin at Kevin.

Madison doesn't know what to say. For someone who lays blame on himself so easily, it seems like Kevin does a lot of good around him. Madison wants to believe that they can work out the same way, even if it seems like a longer shot. Still, everything seems easy out here, far from home, caught up in the rhythm of spending all this time together without any of the everyday stress and responsibilities. But how will they cope back home? How will they fare once everybody knows about the pregnancy, once the _Kevin Pearson's pregnant girlfriend_ label sticks to her every move? What happens if the attraction is not enough to sustain a relationship? What happens then?

Madison doesn't doubt that Kevin would still be all in for the twins, but she can't pretend it wouldn't hurt like hell, giving this a try only to realize that they're not meant to be.

She stares at Kevin, laughing with Matty and Nicky. There's no mistaking the butterflies in her stomach and what they mean.

The only question is, can she ever be sure that whatever Kevin feels is not due to anything other than an accident or circumstances?

* * *

"I like this one."

Madison wrinkles her nose. On that picture she looks so big, it's a miracle her legs can still bear her weight. Nicky took it from the side so her belly entirely hides Kevin's body beside her. "No, nope."

"But the light is good, it makes you glow," Kevin insists, tracing his finger over her phone screen. "Look at your hair and that halo around it, you look like a forest goddess."

Madison shakes her head and resumes flicking through her photo gallery. Kevin's pretty adamant about using the picture from the hotel room, but she still doesn't know which one she'll use. It's not every day that she tells the world she's pregnant.

It takes her a while; Kevin has taken to stalk her with his phone, capturing every single moment. Some pictures are completely random - Madison smiling at something his mom said, Madison cooking with Miguel, or roasting marshmallows with Nicky. Some are more artistic; clearly Kevin likes playing with the light and shadows. Madison even finds herself pretty on some.

She finally opts for a picture of her and Kevin and Nicky, one of those selfies where she's thankful for how long Kevin's arm is because she always gets someone's head half-chopped when she tries taking it herself. Nicky is doing this face like he wants to roll his eyes but still looks fond, while Kevin is beaming; Madison's in the middle, smiling at Kevin's profile. It takes a second look to even properly spot her belly, all she sees at first is how happy they look. "This one," she says, showing Kevin.

He gives her a warm smile. "That's a good one. So how about we do it now before we need to go on airplane mode?" Kevin suggests. "That way we get a few hours to ourselves without having to face what the world thinks."

Madison expects a horde of jealous women wondering what the hell went through Kevin's mind, but she doesn't much care. She writes the caption, her thumb hovering over the screen. "Let's do this."

* * *

**From Manny to Daddy?!**

By Holland Rhodes, 05/15/2020

_In the most surprising twist of events since Beyonce dropped her surprise album Lemonade, not only did we get to find out who Kevin Pearson's mysterious blonde beauty was, but also that our man is about to become a **dad**! Who saw that coming? I certainly did not!_

_Pearson just updated his social media, posting an adorable picture on Instagram of himself and the mother-to-be, showing off the cutest baby bump in a stunning blue cocktail dress (see: 10 Inspiring Instamoms You Need To Follow). Pearson's message is, like him, fun and sweet: "Daddy say whaaat? <3 Let me introduce you to the loves of my life @maddiesimons." _

_But who is @maddiesimons? Madison Simons, 33, is an event-planner in Los Angeles, reads the bio of the beautiful, lucky girl. Did she just happen to plan the greatest event of her life - meeting Kevin Pearson and getting Hollywood's heartthrob to fall in love with her? She certainly fulfilled our collective wish of seeing Pearson passing on his great DNA. Her Instagram account shows a similar post: a picture of herself, Pearson and Pearson's uncle, with a simple caption "Three generations of Pearsons <3."_

_The two certainly seem very enamored, as fans and fellow celebrities have been quick to comment. The comment section on both posts is flowing with love and congratulations. Contacted at the WME Agency, Pearson's agent has made no further comment besides the usual reminder to mind our own business. As if._

_So, are Pearson and his girlfriend having a boy or a girl? More importantly: doesn't **Holland Pearson** sound adorable? Let's hope that the pair doesn't join the select Hollywood Club of Celebs Who Give Weird Names To Their Child \- yes, we all know the ones._

Madison reads Kevin's caption over and over again. Even if she knows that he's referring to the twins when he says _loves_ of his life, her heart still skips a beat.

"Holland Pearson _does_ sound cute," Kevin shrugs, grabbing for his and Madison's suitcases. "Works for both a girl and a boy."

"Yeah," Madison agrees absently. She's catching up with the comments - and the article was right, there's an outpouring surge of love and support, among them one that makes her stop in her tracks.

A comment from her sister.

* * *

_to be continued_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Still. I can't believe you've been dating Kevin Pearson and didn't tell me a thing," Lisa says, wide-eyed. "You need to tell me everything. I want to hear all about your first date and if he's as much of a great kisser as I've always imagined." Her knee's jiggling with excitement. "Gosh, I need to hear about the sex. Do you have, like, a non-disclosure agreement thing? Are you allowed to talk about Kevin Pearson's sex moves?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as many of you have noticed, kevin and madison are in a good spot in their relationship atm. it's time to delve into madison's thoughts about it. enjoy!

"Kevin Pearson, wow..." Lisa sighs dreamily, her chin tucked in her hand. She looks like Cinderella dreaming of her Prince and the ball. "No wonder it didn't work out between you and Josh...I mean, _Kevin Pearson_. Damn, girl."

Madison rolls her eyes, then shrugs. Josh, one of Lisa's boyfriend's friends, was a nice guy overall, cute and funny, but they just hadn't clicked. They'd called it quits early on which Lisa had lamented ever since. Of all the men Lisa had matched her with, Josh had been the nicest; it was a shame there had been no spark. Then again, Madison isn't sure she's ever felt like how she does with Kevin - giddy and a little out of breath every time he looks her way. _Even_ when he's annoying she can't seem to really stay mad at him. "I went on three dates with Josh over a year ago. It has nothing to do with Kevin."

" _Still_. I can't believe you've been dating _Kevin Pearson_ and didn't tell me a thing," Lisa says, wide-eyed. "You need to tell me _everything_. I want to hear all about your first date and if he's as much of a great kisser as I've always imagined." Her knee's jiggling with excitement. "Gosh, I need to hear about the sex. Do you have, like, a non-disclosure agreement thing? Are you _allowed_ to talk about Kevin Pearson's sex moves?"

Madison shakes her head, laughing. "He's not actual royalty, you know. And there's not much to tell," she says, and it's _true_. She doesn't want to burst Lisa's fairytale bubble and tell her they hooked-up once and haven't even been on a date yet. Her phone chimes in with a new text from Kevin, saving her from having to elaborate more.

_Kevin_

_4.30pm_

_You *sure* you don't want me to go with you?_

Madison smiles to herself. Kevin's been on _mama hen_ mode for two days, feeling bad for not being able to make it to her emergency appointment with Dr. Mason even if she's been telling him that he didn't need to come all the time, especially to talk lab results when Madison has been feeling well anyway. Madison's oddly the optimistic one in this situation; she figures that if her lab results were bad, Dr. Mason would have called her and insisted she didn't come alone, and she didn't bleed again which she takes as a good sign.

"Is it Kevin?" Lisa asks, curious and a bit giddy, she sounds like a school girl. Madison understands what Kate meant when she told her she felt like she was back in high school with the two of them. "Gosh, _can_ I call him Kevin? There's no book about how to handle your friend dating a movie star."

"Well, you can't go and call him _Kevin Pearson_ to his face with that moony smile on yours," Madison grins. "Especially as you're gonna see him at the babies' party."

"Nuh-uh," Lisa shakes her head. "I _can't_ talk to him. I'll stutter. I'll drool. You can't leave me alone with him." She crosses her arms over her chest. "I'll stay by Brad's side and stuff my mouth with cake so I don't go embarrassing myself."

Madison laughs. She knows a thing or two about feeling stupid in front of Kevin, even if recent events make her feel like her quirks have somehow endeared her to him. "You'll be fine. He's not that great-looking from up close, he's just a regular guy." At Lisa's cocked eyebrow, Madison snorts. "Yeah, okay, that's a lie. Sometimes he looks at me and I can _feel_ myself go all boneless and helpless," she admits.

"Aww," Lisa cooes, then tips her chin at Madison's phone that beeped again. "Shouldn't you get that? I'll leave you to it. Do you need a ride for your appointment?" she offers as she stands.

"No, that's sweet, but I'm fine," Madison thanks her.

_Kevin_

_4.35pm_

_They can manage without me for an hour. What's the point of being the lead if I don't act like a diva every once in a while?_

Madison gathers her laptop and her purse, heading out with a wave at Lisa and Amber as she types her reply.

_Madison_

_4.38pm_

_You can't drop everything for me all the time, Kevin. It's your first day of shooting. It's fine, really. We're just gonna talk about my lab results, but you *know* I've been feeling good. Everything's gonna be all right._

_Kevin_

_4.39pm_

_You call me if you need anything, okay? I'm leaving my phone to Colin, my assistant. Text me when you're done, please?_

_Madison_

_4.40pm_

_Will do. :)_

Madison pockets her phone and drops her things on the passenger seat. Now that she's gone to one appointment with Kevin, and after the whole ordeal at the hospital in St. Louis, it does seem a bit weird, going to see Dr. Mason without him, she can at least admit it to herself. But she doesn't want Kevin worrying himself over what's probably nothing. She's rested all week-end, entertaining herself with some online baby shopping and creating her official gender reveal party moodboard on Pinterest, Madison feels like she's done good on Dr. Zheng's advice not to exhaust herself too much.

Her mind's been on overdrive though, playing her sister's comment on her Instagram post and subsequent exchange of texts on repeat.

@l_simons: _Almost thirty-four years ago, Dad put you in my arms and told me a little sister was a blessing no matter how long it took to realize_ _it. You never cease to surprise me. Congratulations, Maddie. Love always._

Madison had been stunned, to say the least. Growing up, Lauren had been her original best friend, the one she looked up to, the one she wanted to be like when she grew up. They'd always been close, closer even after Christopher had left for college - until they weren't anymore.

It had hurt, losing Lauren. For years Madison had felt like she'd lost a limb, a part of her. It'd been a lonely journey intersected with resentment and fear and hurt and missing her sister, leaving her sad and confused. Lauren had never understood her issues; she'd called her shallow and too obsessed with her looks. She'd been harsh sometimes, trying to shake her and telling her she was pretty and smart and didn't _need_ to do this; on other occasions she'd been overwhelmed, making herself miserable almost to the point of getting sick, asking how she could help, or wondering if _she_ 'd done something to make Madison feel this way. And then they'd stopped talking about it altogether. Christopher's concern had always felt almost fatherly; Lauren was a mirror reflecting everything Madison was not. She'd never found the words to explain that to her sister without making her feel bad or guilty, so Madison had stopped trying. Years of therapy showed her that trying to shield everyone from her pain had derailed the focus of her recovery for too long, but even now, it's _still_ hard for Madison to accept that she needs to talk to her family without thinking about their own feelings first.

Reading Lauren's loving words had brought her to tears that she couldn't hide from Kevin. She'd started bawling her eyes out the moment he helped her into the passenger seat; Kevin had held her to him as she cried, silently stroking her hair as she'd burned her throat raw from shedding fifteen years' worth of grieving someone whose loss people always dismissed because Lauren was very much _alive_ , living less than a thirty minutes drive. Crying like that had felt cathartic, even if Madison was mortified when she finally stopped and realized they'd stayed twenty minutes in the airport parking lot like this. Kevin had insisted on staying the night as he drove her home and Madison hadn't resisted, _couldn't_ imagine _not_ having him curled around her, his body shielding her from the outside world. Kevin didn't push her to talk; he'd spent the night holding her as if she were going to break, and maybe she would, Madison had felt that night. But come morning she'd felt better despite the knot in her throat and the puffiness around her eyes. She'd reached for her phone, and with Kevin's head nestled close to her belly, his arm snugly wrapped around her, she'd texted her sister, making the second step towards mending the bridge between them.

Madison has a sense that Kevin _would_ understand - this unspoken sadness, how painful it feels, to stonewall love, this buried shame from being estranged from your supposed closest ones. But he isn't the one she needs to tell that. She needs to find the strength to tell her sister, and her family - for herself.

She's about to become a mother; Madison refuses to pass on that injury to her children.

* * *

Despite the casual confidence she's trying to exude, Madison pushes the door to Dr. Mason's office with shaky fingers that she has to will to stillness in order to unbutton her shirt and put on the medical gown. She breathes in and out slowly as she lays on the examination chair waiting for him, praying that for once, her mind is stronger than her body; that she's right to believe she _can_ take care of these babies and bring them to the world safely.

"Madison, hi," Dr. Mason greets her with a warm, reassuring smile as he comes to sit on the stool beside her with a folder in hand. "How are you doing today?"

"Nervous," Madison bites her lip. "I told Kevin I wasn't, that he didn't need to worry, but..." She lingers, curling her fingers into fists. "I _feel_ fine, but I need you to _tell_ me I'm fine."

"You're fine," Dr. Mason tells her, firm and sure. "Dr. Zheng and her lab were very thorough with their tests, and everything came back perfectly normal. No deficiency, no infection, and your hormonal levels are perfectly within the norm. I know spotting and bleeding can be scary, but you made the right call, going to the hospital. You shouldn't hesitate to do so if it were to happen again."

Madison nods her head a few times, her teeth still digging into her lower lip. "So we'll never know why it happened, right?" she asks. It's the thing that scares her - not knowing. Even if the doctors keep telling her that it happens, Madison still wants to know why, or what she can do to prevent it from happening again.

Dr. Mason shakes his head. "I understand that this can be frustrating, too, feeling like you may have done something but not knowing what it could be, and fearing that you could do it again." He opens the folder and shows her a graph and lines of numbers and stats she doesn't understand. "Everything looks good on paper. Right now, you're perfectly healthy and this pregnancy is going very well. _That's_ what you need to focus on. Is there anything else worrying you?" he enquires.

Madison feels herself blushing even before any conscious thought can form in her brain. There _is_ something nagging her, but...it's sort of _embarrassing_ , telling your doctor about your sex drive while half-naked.

She's read all the classic articles about pregnancy stages - morning sickness and fatigue during the first trimester (which she definitely can confirm), the blissful honeymoon that follows, glowing skin (on good days) and skyrocketing hormones, and then, at last, nesting, spring cleaning in October for her to prepare the house for the babies' arrival. Still, it doesn't mean Madison's eager to talk about it. As inappropriate as people might find her sometimes, Madison knows many would call her somewhat of a prude if they knew more about her personal life. To her, sex has always been part of the deal, a mandatory step in a relationship: sometimes she's looked forward to it, felt that tension building up like a tidal wave, and on some occasions she hasn't really felt like it, wanted it, but still went with it to please, to flatter, as if sex were a performance. There was a ritual about it: three dates or so, the fluttering of lashes, a coy smile, tucking a lock behind her ear, leaning in, letting herself be backed into the wall, arching her back, moaning on cue. And yet - Madison has gone on romcom-worthy dates and still gone home to only half-satisfying encounters without a second thought for years. She'd dated a guy once who loved that she seemed into everything, letting him take charge, and who'd still dumped her for being too unimaginative, too passive. Madison's never really questioned that about herself - how eager she is to please, to the point of not caring enough about her own needs and desires being attended to.

With Kevin, it's different, though. What _isn't_ with him?

Madison's noticed the subtle change in the last ten days or so - how sometimes the slightest dip in his tone makes her wish he'd growl in her ear with that low voice, or how the feel of his fingers brushing against her body makes her skin tingle and her blood rush all over. But if she's honest with herself - and she's trying - Madison knows it's been like this since that first night. Sleeping with Kevin hadn't felt like surrendering some part of her to a man in order to please him, but more like gaining something, feelings that she wasn't used to associate with sex - safety and peace and power.

She craves that ecstasy again - knowing that one look, one touch from Kevin can have her falling and floating and flying in no time, that there's a fire in the pit of her belly that only he seems to ignite, making her feel desire _and_ desired.

Madison closes her eyes, wiping her hand across her face. She doesn't know if it's the hormones making her go almost feral for him, or her own daydreaming indulging into her second trimester horniness, but the result is the same. Even though a part of her - a _big_ part of her - is terrified of the idea of nakedness and sex and Kevin, both from wanting it and even just thinking about it, now that the embers have been stoked there's not much Madison can do to tame them.

Dr. Mason gives her a gentle, encouraging smile. Madison sits up a bit straighter, folding her hands on her lap; she can't help feeling nervous and embarrassed. Going to the OB/GYN is never a walk in the park, but up to this point it has always been strictly medical. Madison stopped talking to doctors about wanting children years ago; appointments are about making sure everything's okay, not about opening up. It's sort of hard, figuring out if perhaps she should keep her questions to herself until _after_ the pelvic exam. "I - I was told that, uh, spotting can happen during, or after..." she stammers painfully, feeling heat flare to her cheeks again. "Dr. Zheng mentioned bleeding after...intercourse?" She cringes at her own words. _Intercourse_. Madison wants to slap her forehead with how lame she sounds.

Dr. Mason nods, concern flickering in his eyes. "Yes. Did that happen?" he asks, seemingly aware of how uncomfortable she feels as he asks his question with the least amount of eye contact possible. Madison shakes her head. "Are you worried it could happen?"

She runs her hand through her hair, nervously scratching at the side of her neck. "I'm...more worried about - I'm not sure that I'm ready for _that_. But...I could change my mind. I think. I don't know." Madison lets out a heavy sigh, annoyed with herself. "I sort of _want_ to change my mind about it, but..."

"Sexual intimacy can be challenging at any given time, but even more so during pregnancy?" Dr. Mason suggests.

"Yeah," Madison agrees. That's the thing - she's longed for that kind of intimacy all her adult life, and now that she's found it, she's going through all these changes at the same time and it's nothing short of overwhelming. And it's not like she and Kevin are a typical couple. Are they even a couple? Does _giving this a try_ qualify as being a couple? "It's just that - what if it doesn't feel the same?" She gestures at her body. The last - and only - time she and Kevin slept together, she was eight pounds lighter, her body more defined than it is now, less scarred. "What if he..."

What if Kevin doesn't want her as much as his teasing and flirting allude to when he discovers her new body? Or what if she freaks out when he makes a move because _she_ doesn't know how to coexist with her new curves? This state of half-wanting, half-dreading, is messing with her head.

"It seems to me like this is a conversation you should have with yourself first, then with your partner," Dr. Mason offers wisely. "What do you want? What are you comfortable with? What do you need? Once you've answered those, you might find that some things don't quite matter as much as you thought."

"What if I don't know?"

Dr. Mason shrugs. "There's no hurry, uh? It's not like you need to have this conversation right this second. Just think about it. It might help you feel more comfortable. And if you need it, I've got some pamphlets on all the very boring details of hormonal levels and how they affect your libido and body and emotional state."

Madison snorts. "Kevin's got this app with pregnancy facts, I bet he knows more about my hormone levels than I do."

"Good. More men should get to know all they can about women," Dr. Mason smiles. "And that can be a nice platform to start a conversation," he adds. "Make it a bit easier to broach some topics."

Madison gives him a knowing look. Dr. Mason is sort of awfully good at giving advice without actually spelling it out all for her. He's been such a great help, half-doctor, half-therapist at times; without him she wouldn't have Kevin at her side. "How do you tell a man you only had sex with once that you want to again when you feel like a whale and the idea of being naked in front of him terrifies you?" she rambles, unable to contain the words once they tumble out. "I can't tell him that, he'll think I'm crazy. _I_ think I'm crazy. And, I mean, men want to have sex, _not_ talk about maybe, possibly having sex when the stars are aligned," she sighs.

"I don't know," Dr. Mason says carefully. "Don't count him out so fast. He already surprised you once, he might do it again. Giving him a chance doesn't sound so risky." He goes to put on gloves. "But first, we need to check that everything's okay with you so you can start thinking about maybe, possibly having sex if that's what you decide."

Madison starts lying down again, but she stops half-way and props herself on her elbows. "Is it safe, though? Should I be having sex? I don't want to end up at the hospital again because I'm bleeding."

Madison has a collection of _Cosmopolitans_ back home, probably filled with dozens of articles about pregnancy sex and the best positions, but it's not the same. And she can't ask Kate, she'd faint. Or put her hands on her ears. And she doesn't want to wait until she's in too deep with Kevin to start asking herself if she should be doing _this_ or _that_. Dr. Mason presses his lips together like he's resisting the urge to smile. "According to Dr. Zheng after she did your pelvic exam, everything's okay with you. We're gonna check that today again, and unless something has drastically changed, like your cervix opening too early or your amniotic sac leaking, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be having sexual intercourse if you want to." He gives her a supportive smile. "I understand that terms like _high-risk_ _pregnancy_ can be scary, Madison, but so far you're doing a great job at keeping healthy for you and your babies. You deserve to cut yourself some slack."

Madison grimaces. "I'm not really good at that."

"Well, then it's a good thing you're not doing this alone and have someone by your side," Dr. Mason notes.

* * *

_Madison_

_5.35pm_

_Everything's fine. :) Oscar is now the size of a big tomato, taking most of the space, while Emmy is more like a bell pepper. :D_

Madison takes a side picture of her belly, the curve more prominent with each passing day, and sends it to Kevin. His reply is immediate, Madison doesn't know if he was simply not shooting at the moment or jumped at his assistant's throat the instant he told him he had an incoming text.

_Kevin_

_5.36pm_

_Oscar and Emmy???_

_Kevin_

_5.36pm_

_Thank God you three are okay. Need visual confirmation for you too._

Madison grins, then takes a selfie and sends it to him. Her shirt is getting too tight, it didn't stretch across her chest that much two weeks ago. Kevin should appreciate.

_Madison_

_5.38pm_

_I thought it'd be cute when campaign season comes around. Daddy's lucky charms. ;)_

_Kevin_

_5.40pm_

_I'm gonna need to step up my game if I want to bring you an Academy Award nomination home. How about I start with frozen yoghurt? Shouldn't be out of here before 8 but I can bring dessert???_

They both agreed that Kevin would start moving his things in after his shooting in Atlanta, when he has enough time before him to organize it. Madison didn't tell him, but she didn't want to have him to herself for a couple of weeks only to watch him leave and miss him after she'd just gotten used to the feel of him in her space. But they've been home for three days and Kevin already spent the night on Friday, stayed until lunch the next day, and then they went to Kate's for tea yesterday - they're basically already living together.

Madison's _never_ lived with anyone. None of her previous relationships ever reached that stage. Madison feels excited and terrified at the same time, worried that Kevin will grow tired of her while she relishes all these moments with him so much it scares her. They're doing everything so fast, the pregnancy, dating, moving in together, her head is spinning with all her hopes and fears; the hope that this time, she doesn't have to throw away a toothbrush forgotten by the last boyfriend who decided this wasn't going anywhere, and the fear that this little bubble they seem to fit in for now will eventually burst, that the reality of what they're doing - running all the red lights towards an uncertain end - will catch up to them.

She wants to make this work more than anything, though, so she's willing to let Kevin in - into her home, into her heart, and into her head, as messy as it is sometimes.

_Madison_

_5.45pm_

_I'm gonna stop by that Italian place and get us lasagna then. See you tonight. :)_

* * *

"Hey, you," Kevin greets her as she opens her door, immediately cupping her face in his hands as he studies her. His fingers are feather-light soft as they caress her skin. "You okay?"

"Better than okay," Madison nods, leaning into his touch. Kevin kisses her forehead and she rises on her tiptoes to meet his lips. His hand slips easily at the back of her neck, warm, holding her close as he kisses her, soft and slow, before it travels down to her back as the kiss lingers.

Kevin's so tall, his shoulders so broad, his body so ripped, it's such a sharp shock, this soft side of his. Madison could let herself melt into him with the way his hand at the small of her back pulls her in, his free hand running down her arm. This is her house but _he_ feels like coming home.

Madison pulls away, feeling coy. This is domesticity like she's only seen on TV, greeting her man at the door with a kiss that says _I missed you_ and _how are you_ and _welcome home_. And it feels nice - really, really nice, and somehow seamlessly natural. She reaches for the strap of his bag, sliding it off and hanging it on the coat rack as Kevin takes off his jacket. "Lasagna's in the oven, dinner's in five," she tells him over her shoulder as she goes back to the kitchen to grab plates and set the table.

Kevin joins her, putting the frozen yoghurt away in the fridge and helping her set the table. "So how was your day?" he asks her casually. "Aside from naming our children," he adds with a chuckle.

"Mmh, Amber spent a half-hour drilling me about you, asking how we'd met and why I hadn't introduced you sooner so _she_ could steal you away," Madison starts counting on her fingers. "Then Michelle, my boss, asked me if you'd be willing to let us plan an event for you to boost our rep. And then Lisa fangirled all over you. I don't know how I got any work done between those three."

"New project?"

"Yep, a bachelorette party, somewhat high-profile. Michelle got a lot of people requesting me by name," Madison beams. "The perks of being Kevin Pearson's girl. Trumps all the haters calling me _not hot enough_ for you," she laughs.

"What - I didn't see -" Kevin stammers, frowning in confusion.

Madison shrugs. "They're not gonna make comments like that on _your_ page, they love you. But there's a handful of women who think you made the wrong call and should impregnate them. Apparently, I'm _plain_ ," Madison enunciates with an extra syllable. "A lot of them ask for a paternity test because they don't believe you and I could have..."

She doesn't get to finish her thought. Kevin's fingers dig into her waist as he pulls her to him and kisses her, something between hungry and angry, and Madison lets go of the forks and knives she was holding. They fall to the floor with an audible clatter that Kevin can't seem to be bothered with; he pushes her against the table, his hands dropping to her thighs as he props her up and sits her there, evening out their height difference a little as he fits between her legs.

" _Kevin_ ," Madison whimpers his name weakly, pawing at his chest and shoulders like an eager puppy. She's _terrible_ at resisting him, pulling him in instead with her fists clenched around his shirt. His lips move to her jaw, her neck, where he nibbles at a spot just under her ear, making her moan. She's making it so damn easy for him, her body yearning for his touch, Madison arches into him instead of pulling away.

"You're _gorgeous_ ," Kevin whispers in her ear, then nips at the lobe. "You hear me? You're gorgeous and glowing and so goddamn sexy." He lifts a hand to her belly and rubs, open palmed across it. "Do you know how hard it is to keep my hands off you? How hot you are like this?" His tone is low, hoarse. Madison tightens her knees around him on instinct. "Screw anybody saying otherwise." 

It's incredibly difficult to argue with him when he sounds like that, hot and bothered _for_ her, and she can feel him thick and trapped in his jeans as he presses into her. There's no _faking_ the palpable attraction he has for her; Madison may not feel like it, she still _believes_ him when he says _he_ finds her attractive. Kevin mouths at her chin, angling it up for a kiss. It's hardly more than lips dragged across lips, his harsh breath mingling with hers, but it feels so hot and good, Madison's hands leave the front of his shirt for his back, clutching at him to pull him closer. He bites her bottom lip then sucks on it, and it drives her crazy, almost making her throw all caution to the wind and give into him, into this, this undeniable heat between them.

But then the oven beeps, and Madison's head snaps, bringing her back to reality. She cranes her neck to look over Kevin's shoulder, and he makes the most of it to push open the collar of her shirt and bites teasingly at her collarbone. The light stubble on his jaw sends a shiver down her spine, making her toes curl. "Kevin," Madison hisses his name on a broken moan as she tangles her fingers in his hair and pulls a little.

Kevin resists at first, dropping a trail of kisses along the strap of her bra, before he pulls away at her insistence. "What?" he asks huskily, wide eyes looking both hazy and dazed as they find hers. His fingers squeeze around her knee absently as he licks his lips.

Madison almost forgets what she wanted to say. She lets her fingers sift through his hair for a moment, biting on her lip. She wishes it could be this easy - he wants her and she wants him, and nothing else matters; not the extra weight and curves and stretch marks, not the dozens of questions running through her mind all day about them and the pregnancy and their future, if they have any together.

But they _do_.

Madison sighs, then tips her chin. "Dinner's ready," she says lamely.

She wants to say more - explain that it's not him, it's her, tell Kevin that she's aching for him, his hands on her, for the freedom and luxury of following her heart without fear and discomfort and shame messing with her head. But Madison knows how utterly bizarre it will sound to him; it sounds freakish to her and _she's_ the one who's been living like this for two decades.

"I - uh, I..." she starts, and swallows hard. Kevin's nodding to himself, like he's encouraging her, his fingers loosening around her knee. "I've never made out with anyone on my dining table," she tries. "And I'm not sure tonight's the right night to try it out. But maybe some other night. _Definitely_ some other night. With _you_ , not with just anyone," she rambles awkwardly, feeling herself flush all over. "Okay?"

Kevin nods his head a few times more, his face softening. "Yeah, no, sure. I - I just got carried away," he says, awkwardly patting her knee. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -"

"No, no," Madison shakes her head, then reaches for him, softly brushing her fingers along his jaw. "Don't be sorry. I _wish_ I could let myself get carried away, too."

Madison hates the trembling in her voice. She's not about to cry; she _won't_. She's tired of feeling like crap about the good things in her life. But then her stomach rumbles and Kevin laughs, tugging at her hands to help her back to the ground. "I'll get the lasagna out of the oven, you three need to be fed ASAP." He grabs her oven mitts and gets the dish, letting it cool down on the kitchen counter. "Hey, that reminds me," he goes on, but Madison isn't really listening to him.

She stares as he goes to get something in his bag. Kevin's acting like things are completely normal - and perhaps they are? Maybe this is what it means to be in a relationship: to be able and allowed to be vulnerable _without_ backlash or judgment.

When he comes back there's still heat in his brown eyes, but a softer shade, something akin to fervor and fondness. He hands her an envelope with a big red bow on it. "It's from the crew," he explains. Madison opens it, and her mouth twitches in a smile as she finds an all-access pass to the movie studios and sets, delivered to _Madison Simons, K. Pearson's +2, AKA The Baby Mama_. "They don't know it's twins so...they don't know you're actually my _+3_ ," Kevin chuckles. He fidgets with his fingers. "You don't have to come visit, of course, I don't even know if you like action movies, but...if you want to visit, everybody will be happy to meet you. My co-star, Alex, she's got two kids and she spent all lunch break giving me tips, and Colin is very invested in his -"

She interrupts him with a quick, soft peck to the lips. "That's very sweet, Kevin. Of course I'll drop by. I don't want to miss on the opportunity of seeing you all sweaty and heroic," Madison giggles.

Kevin pretends to pout. "I knew you only liked me for my body."

"It's a _great_ body," Madison notes with a grin.

Kevin traces his hand along the curve of her waist and hip, settling it low at the small of her back as he pulls her in for another kiss, murmuring, "Yeah, it is," against her lips.

* * *

_Kate_

_5.30pm_

_You feeling okay? Want me to drop by for moral support?_

_Madison_

_5.35pm_

_That's sweet but Kevin's already offered to come by after his late-night shoot. :)_

_Kate_

_5.37pm_

_Jesus, I don't need to know about your booty calls!!!_

_Madison_

_5.38pm_

_It's not a booty call!!! There is *nothing* going on between us. Not from lack of trying tbh._

_Kate_

_5.40pm_

_I can't believe you're making me care about this, but...want to talk about it?_

_Madison_

_5.45pm_

_About my sexual frustration at its peak from blueballing your brother???_

_Kate_

_5.50pm_

_Can we talk about your sexual frustration without mentioning my brother???_

_Madison_

_5.52pm_

_I don't know why I feel like this. Over-the-clothes action is somewhat okay, but then I freak out. And he keeps saying it's okay but I don't want him to think I'm being a tease or anything._

_Kate_

_5.53pm_

_Kevin wouldn't think that._

_Kate_

_5.55pm_

_He's the most caring person I know. He probably feels bad for pressuring you._

_Madison_

_5.56pm_

_He doesn't, though. He's being super sweet and patient about all this. It's just that...idk, I can't reconcile what I want and what's going on in my head._

_Kate_

_6pm_

_Have you talked to your therapist about it?_

_Madison_

_6.01pm_

_Yep. She says I need to be patient with myself. And keep working on letting go._

_Kate_

_6.02pm_

_Easier said than done bullshit, right?_

_Madison_

_6.03pm_

_Tell me about it._

* * *

When she opens her door, Madison is floored by the air of corporate chic Lauren exudes without even really trying. Her casual bun is coming down in wisps, but otherwise her sister looks composed and stylish as always. " _Wow_ , Maddie," Lauren gushes in a tone she hasn't used for her in years. "Look at you."

Madison feels her cheeks flushing. No matter how old she is, around Lauren she always feels like a teenage girl, shy and easily flustered. "Come in," she gestures. "I got that wine you like."

Lauren smiles as she hangs her jacket on the coat rack. "Don't tell Mom and Dad theirs is not my favorite."

Madison shrugs. "It's not like I call Mom every week for an update." She tries not to sound bitter, but fails miserably. "I'm sorry, it's - this is just a bit weird for me," Madison explains, waving at the space between them.

Lauren bites at her lip. "Yeah, no, I get it." She leans against the doorframe, looking ready to bolt out if needed. "Did Chris call you or anything?" she asks.

"Yeah, he called the other night. He couldn't make it tonight, but...he sounded happy, I guess. As happy as an older brother can be upon finding out his little sister is pregnant and dating a guy he never met before," Madison sighs. It's _exhausting_ , really - this state of feeling like she _has_ to update her family about what's going on in her life when she hasn't felt like a proper member in years.

Lauren's mouth twitches at the corner. "You know Chris. He's kind of old-fashioned like that, he always saw himself as a mini-Dad." She pauses, tilting her head. "Did Mom and Dad call?"

Madison shakes her head. Her parents have an Instagram account where they post pictures of their trips, and they only follow four people: Madison and her siblings, and the winery's official page. Her mother loves magazines like L.A. Access and the Hollywood Reporter; there's no way she didn't hear about the news. Madison expected it; still, she can't pretend it doesn't hurt. Neither Christopher nor Lauren have children - and they've never expressed the desire to have some. Madison is the only one giving them grandchildren, and the fact that they didn't reach out, especially her father who's always been the mild-tempered one, trying to talk everything out, feels like a slap to the face.

"You know them," Lauren tries to explain. "Mom is a proud person, she'd never admit to being upset you didn't tell them in person, or that she and Dad never made it..." She waves absently. "I don't know, I don't think she realizes that they didn't make it safe for you to come home and talk. That neither of us did," she confesses, sadness and regret obvious in her voice.

Madison wraps her arms around herself. She didn't expect to get in so deep with Lauren tonight. To say she'd been surprised when Lauren asked if she could come visit would be an understatement; her sister has come to her house a total of three times since she moved there. Otherwise they only ever see one another at their parents' house for holidays and birthday dinners.

Madison goes to sit at the table, filling both their glasses with wine for Lauren and grape juice for herself. "I don't want to talk about Mom and Dad," she says tiredly. "If they want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives, they know where to find me."

Lauren stops mid-track, her eyes growing wide. "Grandchildren? _Plural_?"

"Oh, yeah," Madison giggles, running her hand through her hair. "I keep forgetting we didn't share _that_ part. It's twins. Kevin has a twin. Kate. My best friend."

"Wow," Lauren laughs as she sits down, reaching for her glass and clinking it against Madison's. "You always tended to go big anyway. _Twins_." She looks over the table at Madison's baby bump with a fond expression on her face. "I still can't believe I'm gonna be an aunt."

"I still can't believe I'm gonna be a mom," Madison echoes.

Lauren gives her a soft, shy smile. "I never knew this was something you wanted," she admits sadly. "I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore...and I'd like to change that, if that's okay with you."

Her sister sounds earnest, Madison wants to believe it can be that easy - forgetting about the past and moving on. She wants to try. "I'd like that," she agrees.

Lauren takes a sip from her drink, humming softly. There's a mischievous gleam in her blue eyes as she looks above the rim. "You _know_ I gotta ask," she starts with a wolfish grin. "Kevin Pearson. _How_? And how's the sex?"

Madison snort-laughs. Of all the people in the world, her estranged sister is the one she's going to be able to talk to about Kevin Pearson's sex moves without getting a scrunched-up face or wrinkled nose like she did from Kate. "I'll tell you what," she teases, conspiratorial as she leans over the table as best as she can with her bump, "I'm grateful for the serious core strength years of ballet and cheerleading and yoga gave me."

* * *

_to be continued_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's adorable just how easily Madison gets flustered - he wants to follow the flush spreading to her neck with his lips, which would only make it grow deeper and make him yearn to even more. Kevin's pretty fascinated with how responsive she is. It's in her easy laughter, loud and bubbly; the blush or shivers that run down her skin at the merest look or touch; the spark and shadows in her eyes, fiery or frightful, mischievous or maddening. The sounds she makes when she lets herself get carried away, wild and free and unbound. 
> 
> She's a sight to behold - one that has spelled trouble for him ever since the first time he laid eyes on her.
> 
> Want strikes him suddenly with a traitorous, hot throb in the pit of his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we go, with more lauren and adorable, flirting kevison! enjoy!

"Oh my Gosh, you're so much hotter in real life."

Kevin stares at the wide-eyed Madison-lookalike who opened the door, and his eyes immediately spot the differences: the darker shade of blue and the light dusting of freckles on her nose and cheeks; the navy suit pants and lacy camisole, a business look that would look too strict on Madison; and the rosy hue of her cheeks and hazy look in her eyes that _scream_ tipsiness.

One thing both Simons sisters seem to have in common, though, is how utterly unabashed they are about being themselves - quirky and boisterously whimsical.

"Mmh, thanks, I guess," Kevin says awkwardly as she lets him in. "You must be Lauren? Nice to meet you. I'm Kevin."

"Yeah, I _know_." She shakes his hand with a moony smile more suitable to a teenage girl with a crush; just like Madison, her sister looks younger despite her business woman attire. Kevin feels like he stumbled across a slumber party.

He spots Madison in the kitchen, washing the dishes. "I don't know if you noticed," he calls out, "but you've got a tipsy sister answering your door. Might not be a good idea if you've got a string of famous people coming to your place tonight."

Lauren laughs, slapping him on the chest like they're good buddies. Madison shakes her head, then looks at him over her shoulder with a half-amused, half-annoyed expression. " _Another_ member of the _Kevin Pearson Fan Club_. The moment I told her you were stopping by later, she decided she was staying to meet you and needed liquid courage to talk to you." Madison chuckles to herself. "I haven't seen her this excited since our parents bought her tickets to go see the Backstreet Boys back in '99."

Lauren all but pouts as she goes to the kitchen and starts drying off the dishes. "It's not every day your sister tells you she's dating a _movie star_ , Maddie," she admonishes her. "And here I thought I was cool, hooking-up with that dude from _The Voice_."

"Depends on the dude," Kevin argues as he joins them, taking the dishes from Lauren and putting them away, surprising himself with just how easily he finds everything's right place. "Did he at least reach the finals?"

"Not even got one coach turning around during the blind auditions," Lauren laments. "But he _was_ good."

She chuckles to herself, and Kevin looks at Madison over her shoulder. Madison shrugs with a grin. "You girls had fun, then?" he asks, curious and happy for Madison.

Madison had fretted over this dinner with her sister all week; Kevin didn't think Lauren would _still_ be there by the time he came by. But Madison looks happy and relaxed _without_ the help of wine, so things must be some level of okay between them. "Maddie told me about your sex moves," Lauren blurts out. "Mad props on _Babymaking 101_ , Kevin. And it's a good thing you got that out of the way before, it'd be kinda hard to do it again with that bump," Lauren snorts. " _See_?" she adds as she turns to her sister, sounding softer. "I was right all along, Maddie. Sex _is_ fun and you can enjoy it with the right guy. You deserve more than tools who only last five minutes."

Madison wipes her soap-soaked hand over her face. Kevin can't help laughing. "How come you're not even the most inappropriate Simons?" he asks her, bewildered. With the way Madison described her sister, he'd pictured Lauren as this composed, elegant older version of Madison, serious and responsible - nothing like the tipsy, funny mess she is right now, teasing him about his babymaking skills and her sister about her past dalliances.

Kevin wonders what kind of guys Madison has been dating. Probably the exact opposite of him: someone serious, steady, reliable - nothing like he was when he first met her, but the kind of man he's been trying to become. And Madison deserves that.

"Hey," Lauren wriggles her finger at him. " _You_ can talk about inappropriate. Most guys take a girl on a date before they try the -"

" _And_ that's your cue to come help me make your bed," Madison interrupts her with both her hands on her sister's shoulders, hastily stirring her towards the guest room.

Kevin finishes tidying up the kitchen and dining space while Madison and her sister make up the bed in the guest room. He watches, amused, as Madison goes to fetch a pair of pajamas for Lauren in her bedroom, clearly avoiding looking at him, the cutest shade of pink tinting her cheeks. It's adorable just how easily Madison gets flustered - he wants to follow the flush spreading to her neck with his lips, which would only make it grow deeper and make him yearn to even more. Kevin's pretty fascinated with how responsive she is. It's in her easy laughter, loud and bubbly; the blush or shivers that run down her skin at the merest look or touch; the spark and shadows in her eyes, fiery or frightful, mischievous or maddening. The sounds she makes when she lets herself get carried away, wild and free and unbound.

She's a sight to behold - one that has spelled _trouble_ for him ever since the first time he laid eyes on her.

_Want_ strikes him suddenly with a traitorous, hot throb in the pit of his stomach.

Madison emerges from the guest room after a while, Lauren's head peeking behind her from the doorframe. "Goodnight, Kevin Pearson," she calls out, drawling and muffling a giggle behind her hand before she waves at him lazily and shuts the door.

Madison rolls her eyes. "She's turning _thirty-six_ in November, and I have to tuck her in bed because she got half-drunk asking about your sex moves." She rubs her fingers against her temple. "How is this my life? I didn't have that kind of issues before sleeping with you."

Kevin chuckles. He's not exactly _sorry_ for that. He draws her into his side and presses a kiss to the crown of her head. "Seems like you two patched things up, though? That's a good thing, right? You can thank my sex moves for that."

Madison shrugs, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder. She inhales sharply, nuzzling closer. "God, you smell good. Could you be any _more_ of a movie star, really?" Madison half-whines. "Is there a single woman out there who _doesn't_ want to climb you up like a tree? Even my own sister would throw herself at you."

"Kate?" he suggests.

Madison pinches his side. "You can't even find one, non-related to you woman. _Ugh_."

Kevin laughs softly, squeezing his hand at her waist. "It's just the celebrity factor. Come morning she'll probably wonder why you're not dating any of the guys who were ever listed _above_ me in any _Top Ten_ thing."

"Still," Madison pouts. "You could tune it down a little. Be less charming." She narrows her eyes at him all of a sudden, and reaches over with her fingers, brushing them softly against his jaw where a bluish bruise is blossoming. "What happened there?" she asks as Kevin flinches slightly.

"I'm getting too old to do my own stunts," Kevin shrugs. The spot is still sore despite the ice-pack Colin gave him earlier. He'll probably have to spend more time in the make-up trailer to hide it. "I didn't dodge a punch fast enough. It's nothing. You should see the other guy."

"You punched him back?" Madison asks, cocking an eyebrow at him.

Kevin shakes his head. "Yeah, no. It's just - I've always wanted to say that. Makes me sound tougher than I am. Which I'm not. I can't damage this face and my abs while they pay the bills."

Madison frowns, then tilts his face downward with her hand tucking his chin. She's so much smaller than him, little ball of fluff with her brow furrowed, he'd laugh her concern off if she didn't look so intense. "Doesn't look like nothing. Whose ass do I need to kick for hurting my baby daddy?" she laughs, balling her hands in tiny fists.

She's _adorable_ \- Kevin has no better word for her. Madison gets annoyed and frustrated with the way he looks and appeals to other women, but Kevin feels like he's the one in trouble with how cute and gorgeous she is, half the time he wants to kiss her because she's got such a bright smile and heartfelt laugh he just can't keep his hands to himself. And other times she looks like she did when they went to the restaurant with his mom and Miguel, stunning and radiant and glowing, and he's a goner. Kevin can't believe she's been there all along, part of his sister's life - his life - for over two years now and he never contemplated it - the idea of the two of them.

Then again, up until a few months back, he never knew how sweet she truly was. And he'd been too busy trying to find his one true love via Tinder and other dating apps to press pause and look around.

"Come on, go sit down, I'll grab you an ice-pack," Madison pushes him towards the couch, so endearingly overbearing he doesn't resist her. Kevin obeys, staring up at her with what he knows to be a dumb, smitten look on his face when she reappears with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a dish towel. "There you go." Kevin catches her wrist, pulling her down to him. "Kevin," Madison chides him, poorly resisting his tugging.

"Hey, I'm injured," Kevin pleads, guiding her down until she's straddling his lap. "I need a little pick-me up."

" _Little_?" Madison rolls her eyes. "We're like, ten weeks past the little stage around here," she says, gesturing to her baby bump between them.

She rearranges herself around him and squirms above him in order not to crush him, Kevin guesses, but ends up giving his heart a fatal blow with the visual. "Madison," he says in a warning. "Hair-trigger situation here."

"Oh, sorry." Her mouths makes the cutest pout, then her eyes start shining with a mischievous spark. "Need another ice-pack to cool things down there?" she giggles, visibly proud of herself as she starts applying the bag of frozen peas to his jaw.

Kevin sighs heavily, rolling his eyes. "You're a cruel, cruel woman," he says dramatically as he settles his hands low on her waist. He's accepted his fate a long time ago: his pregnancy kink isn't going anywhere, only fueled stronger by moments like this, Madison looking magnificent and regal above him like she's some fertility goddess. She's trouble, all right. "Tell me about tonight," he tries distracting himself. "I've got to admit, I expected to find you...I don't know, more upset, or sad. I was ready to kick some Simons ass, or get some emergency ice-cream."

Madison softens, stroking the fingers of her free hand down his biceps. "My knight in shining Stan Smith," she chuckles. "It _was_ nice. Really weird at first, but..." She tilts her head to the side. "It felt good, all this girl talk without the drama."

"Yeah?"

She nods. "You know, I thought we needed to talk about all this bad blood and everything that went wrong, to let go of all this anger and sadness I've been carrying, that's been - carving its way into my heart. But...I just wanted my big sister back," Madison confesses in a whisper. She shakes her head a little, giving him a small smile. "I'm not saying everything's gonna go back to how we were when we were younger, but...I had a nice time with Lauren, just talking about the babies and work and shopping for baby stuff and you, and - I don't know, maybe that's enough for now."

Kevin rubs his hand along her spine, squeezing the other at her waist. "That's great. One day at a time." Kind of like what they're doing here. Baby steps. "And...do you think you'd want to call your parents now?"

Madison pulls the ice away from his face, inspecting her handiwork. She looks like she got lost in her own thoughts but Kevin lets her be; allows her to run her fingers above the bruise, then press a trail of soft, light kisses around it. Her lips drift lower, venturing to the side of his neck, his collarbone, where her tongue flutters and licks a line to his throat. Kevin's fingers tighten around her on instinct.

She sucks at the hollow of his throat, then pulls away, a fierce gleam shining in her heavy-lidded eyes. Kevin swallows hard. "I don't have the energy to focus on people who don't want to have anything to do with me," Madison says, more resignation than anger laced in her tone. She licks at her lips. "Do _you_ want to call your brother?"

The thought of Randall is almost enough to kill the mood, but his hands are full of Madison, the sweet scent of her green apple shampoo filling his nose, Kevin focuses on that. "Nope. Not at all," he shakes his head.

Madison nods her head, then leans into him, teasingly nibbling at the corner of his mouth. "Okay. Good. Then...how about we talk about sending polite invitations to people who don't like us very much right now _later_? For now, you can just do that movie thing and carry me to bed."

"Oh my God, you two are so freaking adorable."

Madison's head snaps so fast, she bumps her forehead in Kevin's nose, who can't help letting out a whine. "Laurie!" Madison all but squeals. "What are you -"

"Aww, you've got to chill, I was just getting a water bottle," her sister laughs, going to the kitchen. "You're the one making out in the common room. Don't get your panties in a twist if you get caught."

"This is _my_ house," Madison says, outraged. "This is _not_ a common room, they're all my rooms, I can make out in any room if I want to."

"I wouldn't mind that," Kevin laughs; then, at Madison's glare, he holds up his hands in defense. "Just saying."

Lauren gives him a thumb-up, then fails at winking at him, instead blinking her lashes a couple of times at the same time as her nose wrinkles. "Night, lovebirds."

Madison hides her face in the crook of his neck, sighing heavily. "Now you know where I got my awkwardness from," she laments. "I swear it just gets worse with age."

Kevin strokes her back, pinching his lips in order not to laugh. "Come on, now. She'll be punished with a killer headache tomorrow." He presses a kiss to her temple, then her jaw, his hands drifting lower until his fingers curl under her thighs. "Less Lauren, more carrying you to bed," Kevin chuckles as he stands.

Madison all but squeaks, a tiny, high-pitched sound escaping her mouth as she tightens her hold around his neck. "Kevin!" she chides him, slapping his shoulder, "I didn't think you could actually carry me!" She sounds half-impressed, half-stunned.

"You're roughly the size of a baby pumpkin, there's not much challenge in that," Kevin shrugs, jostling her around so that her bump doesn't press too hard into him. Madison feels like a baby koala bear, clutching to him like she's forty feet tall and dizzy from the height.

"A baby pumpkin _and_ a big tomato _and_ a bell pepper," Madison corrects him fondly. "Clearly you don't need to do any push-ups with me sitting on your back."

"Yeah, no, I got a better idea," Kevin says as he walks them to Madison's bedroom, turning off the lights with one hand as he pushes the door open with the other. He drops her on the bed and follows, hovering above her as best as he can with her bump - as tiny as it feels compared to what it'll be like in a couple of months, it still comes between them in moments like this. "How about push-ups while you lay beneath me?"

Madison rolls her eyes, pawing at his face as he leans in for a kiss, pushing him away. "You and your one-track mind, you pig," she laughs softly.

He loves the sound of it, careless and cheerful, Kevin wants to catalog every way to make her laugh like that again. He rolls over to his side, and starts kissing down the column of her throat. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Men are the worst."

Madison hums, then tilts her head to him, soft-eyed and smiling. "You're not so bad."

* * *

It's a wonder Madison doesn't wake up with the rattle of the cupboard doors clanking together. Kevin snaps awake, then, upon checking that Madison is still fast asleep Kevin tucks the blanket up her frame, then grabs for his shirt and jeans and hops into them as he comes across Lauren, searching through every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen.

"Oh, hi," she says, voice still raspy from sleep, her hair coming loose from her messy bun. "Hope I didn't wake you up," she apologizes.

Kevin laughs. "Just thought it was an earthquake. There's some Tylenol in the guest bathroom, if that's what you're looking for," he offers.

Lauren still opens another cupboard. "Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be nice. But I was..." She waves at the kitchen counter, covered with all of the tea Madison owns. "I wanted to make breakfast, you know. But I don't even know Maddie's favorite. I just know she takes her tea with honey, but I can't find any."

Kevin goes to the living-room, retrieving a jar from the coffee table. "She likes eating it straight out of the jar," he explains, giving Lauren the jar of alfalfa honey. "And she takes it with lemon tea. But if I were you I'd just give her the jar so she can put it herself. She says she wants two spoons, but it's more, like, four or five sometimes."

Lauren nods her head, adding the jar to the tray she's putting together. "You must think I'm the worst sister, not knowing how my baby sister likes her breakfast," she sighs softly.

Kevin stares at her profile as she pours hot water in a mug he knows to be Madison's favorite, a floral print that states _chaotic cute_. Lauren's biting her lip in a very similar way to Madison, worrying it as she frowns. In the morning light he sees the way they are alike more than the differences: there's something in the way they fill up space, perky and soft at once. He leans his elbows on the kitchen counter, shrugging. "A few months back I didn't know how to hold my nephew in my arms without having him crying," Kevin says. "And I couldn't tell you how my brother likes his breakfast because whenever I'm at his house he's the one making me breakfast and having to deal with all my diets and weird distastes."

Lauren starts on buttering some toast and Kevin goes to help, brewing some coffee. "When we were little, it was Chris who made us breakfast and sometimes, on week-ends, he'd make us a tray like this and bring it to the living-room and we'd just have breakfast while watching cartoons. When our parents woke up we were always a mess, bread crumbs stuck in the couch cushions, jam on the rug, but it was _our_ moment." She pauses, looking up at him. "I haven't had a moment with Maddie in years."

Kevin thinks about Kate and Randall, and can't remember the last time they had a moment like this, either. It's always been more difficult with Randall, but when was the last time he did something silly with Kate - just hanging out and talking about their lives, or going to the movies? He's been all over her house since Jack was born, helping out with appointments at the doctor's or looking after his nephew, but it's not the same. And the time he spent in that building in Philly with Randall is probably the closest to a brother bonding session they've had in years.

It'd be too easy, judging Lauren for not knowing much about her sister and her life and what she likes, if Kevin didn't know he was the same. "Siblings, right?" he offers lamely. "They don't come with a manual."

Lauren snorts. "God, you didn't win my sister over with your humor, did you?" she teases him easily.

"You're one to talk," Kevin counters without heat. "You were giggling like a schoolgirl all over me last night."

She blushes instantly, her cheeks turning a bright red he's seen on Madison so often. "I hoped this was just a drunken, hazy hallucination," Lauren wipes her hand across her forehead. "I talked about your sex moves, didn't I?" she grimaces.

Kevin nods his head. "Yep. And you seemed pretty impressed," he chuckles, feeling smug. "Don't know what Madison told you, but I'm sure she exaggerated a bit."

"So you didn't bring a whole new level of enlightenment to her yoga moves by going at it so enthusiastically she ended up bat-like, her head dangling off the bed?" Lauren deadpans, like she's not talking about acrobatic sex over tea and toasts.

Kevin chokes on nothing, staring at her with wide eyes. She's Madison's sister all right, down to how quickly she goes from blushing in embarrassment to teasing him mercilessly. It brings a memory to mind that Kevin may have been playing on repeat quite a few times since Madison and he grew closer: how they'd gone from messing around in Madison's kitchen to him pining her against the wall just outside her bedroom where she'd all but ripped his shirt off of him and he'd discarded her jeans before sinking to his knees, kissing down her stomach and nipping at her hipbone. The chain of events is a bit blurry, but Kevin remembers Madison's giggles when his necklace got caught in her hair, or swearing under his breath when she panted in his ear then bit it. There are visuals printed on the back of his eyelids, like Madison's back arching like a bow, her eyes closed in bliss, or the way her hair fell in waves around her face as she moved above him; her parted lips, caught between a moan and laughter when he'd lost his grip on her hips and she'd ended up with her head hanging over the side of the bed.

"I knew that part was true," Lauren's smug voice interrupts his daydreaming. "Maddie's usual brand of men doesn't come with such party tricks."

Kevin bites at the inside of his cheek. It's too early in the morning to be talking about sex, especially with Madison's sister whom he's known for less than twelve hours, most of them they spent asleep. Something else nags at him, though. It's the second time Lauren mentions the _kind_ of men Madison has been dating before, and Kevin can't help being curious. "What do you mean?" he asks, trying for casual. He remembers Madison telling him about being dumped for the fifth time in a row; that she believes she's the kind of woman men tend to leave behind, and Kevin's learning that she's _everything_ but, so - what kind of men _has_ she been dating?

Lauren pours herself a cup of coffee and drinks a long sip before answering. "She's always gone for guys who want the whole package, you know," she says as she leans her hip against the counter. "Wife, kids, the white-picket fence. But those guys don't want a wife who picks at her food then swallows down a dozen cookies at night and makes herself throw up." Lauren looks down, averting her gaze. " _I_ remember telling Madison that she had it all. That she could be happy if she _wanted_ to. And I guess she's heard it so many times from all of these men, too." She pauses, shaking her head, then looks up at him, troubled blue eyes locking with his. "We'd see her at Christmas and she'd be all excited about this adorable guy she'd just met, and by February she'd come to Chris's birthday dinner and say it was over. Always the same story, with the guy saying he couldn't see a future with her. And always this - I don't know, this annoyance I felt upon seeing her make the same mistake all over again, and our parents sort of...giving her that exasperated, almost disappointed look, you know? Like they knew all along that none of those guys would last. And then Chris would say something like _you're in love with the idea of love_ and Maddie would get upset and..."

Lauren toys with her fingers, something akin to shame coloring her cheeks this time; Kevin knows that feeling, too. How many times did he tease Randall about his anxiety when they were younger, making him out to be this nerd who couldn't ever relax? How long did it take him to realize Randall was driving himself insane with how worried he got?

That last part resonates with him, though - the thought of being in love with the idea of love. It's an ideal he's been chasing for half his life; telling himself Sophie was the one and going through all the motions of winning her back, never realizing that love isn't a prize but an everyday job that requires effort and direction and purpose, none of which he put into their relationship. And maybe that failure _did_ teach him something - that what he wants, above all, is to be that man who loves a woman with all of his heart and would do anything to show her he means every word and promise.

"I'm not going to hurt Madison," he swears, and finds himself hoping Madison knows it, too.

Lauren studies him for a moment, then sighs softly. "I'm the worst person to judge and act like I can threaten to hurt you if you hurt my sister when I have so many times before," she admits painfully. She crosses her arms over her chest. "Madison seems to trust that you won't, so I'm going to trust her judgment for once. Please don't prove her wrong." Lauren arranges her breakfast tray, then juts her chin at Madison's bedroom door. "Maddie needs more people on Team Madison, fighting for her happiness. I'm game if you are?"

He is, _all in_ , no matter what. No matter if this thing between them doesn't work out, or if they fight, or if the spark fades - she's _always_ going to be the mother of his children, and a friend. _Family_. Kevin can't promise they'll be together forever, or that he'll never make her cry, but he can swear, to Lauren and to himself, that he'll never do anything to hurt her intentionally.

He nods slowly, then opens Madison's door for Lauren. Madison's wrapped all over the U-shaped pregnancy pillow she got after they got back from Bradford and she started feeling uncomfortable while changing positions during sleep. She looks so peaceful in her little cocoon Kevin feels bad for waking her; he knows eating at scheduled hours helps a little with her morning sickness, though, along with half the honey jar. He sits beside her while Lauren sits cross-legged at the end of the bed, depositing the tray on the vacant space between them. "Hey, Madison," he runs his fingers softly across her cheek, brushing her hair away.

Lauren leans over, tickling her in the crook of her neck. Madison jolts awake with a squeal. "Laurie!" she whines, batting her hand away.

Kevin narrows his eyes at her, which only makes her laugh. " _This_ is how you wake a Maddie up."

Madison sits up as best as she can, looking like a queen on a fluffy throne as she straightens and leans against the back of her pillow and holds tight onto the sides so her back and expanding belly get some support. "I _didn't_ miss our slumber parties," she whines again.

"But I made breakfast," Lauren sing-songs, brandishing a toast under her nose. "Kevin helped a little. He opened the door."

"And found the honey," Kevin adds, proud. "I got you a refill, by the way. I forgot about it but I have two jars in my bag."

Madison smiles at him as she pats his cheek. "Good boy."

" _I_ made breakfast," Lauren insists, pushing the tray and setting it on Madison's lap. "But no one's called me a good girl in a while."

Lauren winks at them; Madison rolls her eyes; and Kevin finally understands how Kate feels about the two of them sometimes.

* * *

"Do I really need to keep the blindfold on?" Madison asks, her voice wavering slightly as Kevin guides her forward, her footing a bit unsure. "I can _smell_ the ocean, Kevin."

Kevin hums softly. "Maybe I just sprayed some perfume to trick you," he teases. "Maybe we're at the museum, you keep saying you miss going."

"You already think I take way too long choosing how to dress, it'd drive you crazy how long I can stare at a painting," Madison laughs, her fingers tightening around his. "Besides, I can taste the salt on my lips."

"Humor me?" Kevin pleads good-heartedly, guiding her to a bench where he helps her sit.

He kneels before her, untying her sandals, making Madison jerk her foot away. "What are you doing?" she squeals. "Please tell me we're not at some freak nude beach."

Kevin snorts, shaking his head. God, she's ridiculous and it's the most adorable thing about her. "Yeah, I woke up this morning and thought to myself, I'm gonna bring my baby mama to some nude beach and throw her over my shoulder and parade her over. Now that I say it out loud, doesn't seem like such a terrible idea." Madison kicks him with her free foot. "Okay, okay. I'm helping you untie your shoes, now that the baby artichokes in your belly are making it harder to see them."

Madison wrinkles her nose. She looks even cuter with the blindfold still on. "Don't remind me. And artichokes are _gross_. Couldn't your app, like, find something more appealing to compare the babies to?"

She lets him untie the elaborated laces that tie her sandals around her ankles, sighing. Madison's been getting bigger these past two weeks; her cheeks have gotten rounder, fuller, and her belly has swollen all of a sudden, making it quite obvious to Kevin that there _are_ two of them inside. He's known all along that they were expecting twins, but now it's like he _sees_ it; he can picture two artichoke-sized babies wrapped around each other swimming in there, although he found out it _wasn't_ the smartest thing to tell a pregnant woman.

Kevin takes Madison's hands in his, walking backwards as he guides her to the beach. When her bare toes sink into the sand, she lets out the softest sigh, and Kevin _knows_ he's made the right choice for their first date - especially after Kate turned down every big, over-the-top idea he threw at her, telling him that a date didn't have to be so nerve-wracking. Kevin still believes he could have pulled off booking the Huntington Library, Art Museum and Botanical Gardens just for the two of them, but Kate only rolled her eyes and hit him behind the head. And, well, a picnic on the beach sounds just right for their last few moments to themselves before he leaves for Atlanta for his movie shoot; and then they'll barely have another couple of weeks before the whole family gets there for the babies' gender reveal party and Madison's early birthday celebrations.

Madison has been slowly driving herself mad over the babies' party, changing her mind over every single, little detail, from the color of the cake stuffing (blue and pink _are_ too traditional, but then again, _would_ people understand what green and yellow or orange and purple mean?) to how to design the perfect seating chart as to organize people around her for her Instagram announcement (she wants Kevin near, but wouldn't it be cuter if she had Lauren and Kate on both sides, then her brother and Kevin, or does she want a picture with just the kids surrounding her?). Kevin hopes this little romantic getaway will take her mind off things for a little while.

"Here, wait a minute," he tells her as he starts setting the picnic blanket on the sand and arranges all the mini-sandwiches and slices fruits and mini-cakes he's made. Madison stands with her arms crossed over her chest, now really resting atop her baby bump. "Come here," he tugs at Madison's hand, helping her sit.

Kevin unties her blindfold, anxiously awaiting Madison's reaction. What if she _did_ want some big gesture? He got John Legend to sing for a total stranger, after all. What if Madison believes she's not good enough for him to pull all the stops for her? What if a picnic on the beach isn't good enough for a woman you got pregnant, then agreed to co-parent with, then started dating?

But then Madison grins at him as she reaches for a mini-sandwich. "You borrowed Kate's cookie cutters?" she says, holding a dinosaur-shaped sandwich.

Kevin nods. "Yep. Here, have some Jackosaurus Rex."

Madison giggles, reaching out to cup his neck with her free hand as she presses a loud kiss on his cheek. "This is adorable, Kevin. Thank you." She inspects his handiwork, avidly sniffing the cakes and narrowing her eyes at the green concoction in a bottle. "You really want to make me like kale lemonade, uh?"

Kevin shrugs, splaying his legs on the warm sand. "Seems like a reasonable, achievable goal. I read that in one of your magazines. You gotta make a list of achievable goals for your first date."

Madison laughs around a mouthful of dinosaur-shaped cucumber sandwich. "Yeah? And what are those?" she asks, curious.

"I don't know if I should tell you," Kevin teases her, lying down on the sand with his arms cushioning his head. "I mean, what if this is like a birthday wish, and it doesn't work if you say it out loud?"

"I don't know. We're not so bad at beating the odds, aren't we?" Madison offers, smiling softly.

Kevin stares at her with such fondness, it tugs at his heart, just how much he likes this woman. Not just because circumstances pushed them together with this pregnancy, but because she's sweet and kind and funny and gorgeous and warm, and her smile feels like home in a way no place or no person has before.

What does he hope for them, for their first date? For a second one, for sure; for the certainty that Madison knows he wants her, and not just the babies. For the courage to tell her; to find the perfect words, and make sure she knows it deep in her bones. And he wants to make her laugh, and relax, and enjoy the sound of the waves and the scent of the balmy air. He wants a moment that's just about them, because the woman he's getting to know more and more each day?

She's one of a kind.

And maybe, just maybe - she's the one.

Kevin shields his eyes from the sun with his cupped hand, watching Madison taste everything, moaning softly at the sliced peaches, frowning at the kale lemonade before trying a second sip. She looks more gorgeous than any model he's ever met in her white beach dress, her baby bump expanding beneath the fabric, but long, toned legs still going on forever, her golden hair shiny and falling in waves above her shoulders. He definitely could have chosen a better beach hat for her, the bright pink drawing far more attention that his own fame status, but Madison is smiling and laughing and she's the most beautiful thing he's laid eyes on.

"Kevin?" she speaks his name again, waiting. She leans over him, her big hat shadowing him, and her skin smells better than the ocean, her smile shines brighter than the sun, and Kevin can't help pulling her down to kiss her. "Kevin!" Madison squeals, but still lets him.

This is what Kevin wants for them - to be young and happy and fool around like any other couple would, and not just be the brother and best friend who hooked up and got pregnant and now have to deal with the consequences. He wants Madison for who she is, quirky and crazy and all, all these little things he used to dismiss about her but is now learning make her special. He wants the woman and the mother-to-be, not just one in order to have the other.

It should be terrifying. In the past, Kevin has always needed Kate to sort out his feelings and what to do about them. But with Madison it's seamless, almost easy. He likes her, and he wants her, and he wants her to be happy. Kevin doesn't know if those are such achievable goals for a first date, but he'll still try, today and tomorrow and all the days after.

Madison slaps his chest, pulling away. "First I need to be fed, then we can fool around," she chides him, reaching for another mini-sandwich. "God, you sure know how to please a woman," she moans.

Kevin closes his eyes, failing to block the visuals her moans bring back.

"Hey," Madison nudges her knee against his side. "Ask me what my favorite date is."

Kevin props himself on his elbows, looking up at her. "Favorite date?"

Madison pretends to think, tapping her finger against her chin. "June, 2nd. Being here with you." She smiles, coy, then feeds him another dinosaur-shaped sandwich. "Yours?"

Kevin thinks back on every date he's been on recently, on his quest to finding the one. They all lacked the spontaneity his afternoon with Madison had, random and unplanned and the realest thing he'd had in a while. It wasn't a date per say, but isn't that what makes great dates? How they stem from nothing, just another ordinary moment turned memory? They'd talked and shared more in a few hours than he'd had in some of his entire relationships, without the pressure or tension dating brings sometimes, feeling like a job interview where you're out there, trying to win someone. They'd just been friendly, on the way to maybe becoming friends.

He'd found something real where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of him. For a few hours he'd forgotten about the rest of the world, and looking at Madison now...

She's the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up, the last on his mind when he goes to sleep.

"I don't know, jury's still out," Kevin finally says, smiling teasingly at her. "I'll need another date with you, you know. For science. At least three dates."

Madison rolls her eyes. "Hoping to get lucky on date number three?"

Just being here with her, Kevin feels like he already won the lottery.

* * *

_to be continued_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come over here, selfie time for Kevin," Madison calls to Lauren and Kate. "Your brother is just really into visual confirmation, isn't he," she muses.
> 
> Kate gags again just as Madison presses the camera button. "I don't need to know the kind of visual confirmation he's asking from you. You're making it really hard to support your relationships when you're sexting with my brother, Madison."
> 
> Madison's eyes widen. "We're not!"
> 
> "Why not?" Lauren counters. "He's hot, you're hot, and you're hot for him, it's the perfect way to deal with long-distance relationships. That, and phone sex."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after all this time in the land of fluffy kevison, it was about time to revisit kevin's pregnancy kink. enjoy!

Madison flicks through her phone, drowning the sound of Kate and Lauren's chatter. They've been going at it since lunch, trying to get her to slip up about the babies, even though Madison's been religious about only using _they_ or _the twins_. Kate is like Kevin, believing they're expecting two girls, while Lauren doesn't want to make bets but still looks at her bump like she can guess the gender that way - Lauren keeps finding different versions of the low vs. high belly myth on the internet, so her sister has spent a good minute analyzing her belly to see if it was perfectly symmetrical or somewhat cocking lower or higher on one side. Lauren even suggested using a dowsing pendulum and that's where Madison drew the line; old wives' tales can't explain the logistics of carrying Kevin Pearson's children anyway, and how those giant babies are stretching her abdominal walls to the point where Madison legitimately feels like her bulge makes her look like she's six months along already.

Instead Madison smiles to herself as she re-reads through the latest texts Colin, Kevin's assistant, sent her this morning. The first three days he was gone, Kevin was only slightly bordering on inappropriate workplace behavior, having Colin text her to ask if she was okay or sleeping well; now the poor guy has to spend his days asking her about things _no one_ except the future father of your children should be asking about or want to know. Madison would be mortified if she didn't know that Colin has to be totally _more_ embarrassed than she is.

_Colin Mastin_

_9.45am_

_Hi. Mr. Pearson says hi and wants to know if, I quote, "things are feeling smoother with your pelvic pressure" after the yoga incident. Hope you're doing well._

_Colin Mastin_

_9.52am_

_I'm so sorry for asking about this. Please be assured that I delete all of your messages so no one would inadvertently see them._

_Colin Mastin_

_10.15am_

_Mr. Pearson wants to know if you told your doctor about it, though?_

_Colin Mastin_

_10.26am_

_I told Mr. Pearson you told me to tell him he was freaking out over nothing and now he wants me to ask you if you need me to help you schedule some appointments? He's been reading about "pregnancy brain" and doesn't want you to feel overwhelmed and forget to take care of yourself._

"I can't believe you're not telling _us_ the babies' genders before everybody else," Kate wallows as she flicks through the newborn/three months baby clothes aisle with an almost bored expression. Madison gets the feeling; gender neutral clothes are pretty plain, and she _can't_ wait until everybody knows so she can go out shopping with the girls again and empty the store's entire baby girl section. "I'm your best friend."

"And I'm their aunt, we _both_ are," Lauren also whines, bringing Madison's attention back to them. "Look at this adorable dress," she coos, showing the both of them a purple, velvet dress with an assorted headband. "It'd be adorable on my niece, _if_ I knew for sure that I'm having a niece. All these clothes are so cute. There _needs_ to be at least one girl in there," she waves at Madison's belly. "I'm sure Kevin's magic sperm made that happen."

Kate wrinkles her nose, embellishing a gag, though Madison doesn't believe she has to pretend. "Jesus. Don't talk about my brother's _sperm_." She looks like she could choke on the word alone. "Let's not talk about Kevin and sex together. Or talk about Kevin at all. Let's focus on this one not telling us anything!" she points her finger at Madison.

"Oh, come on," Madison tells them. "It's not like you have to wait until the birth. You'll know in three weeks. Besides, there's plenty of cute, unisex twin clothing."

Madison's shopping cart is already filled with all the yellow and orange and green onesies and bibs and cardigans she could get, while Lauren is still mooning after all the girl clothes. Kate's going through the twin section, laughing as she shows them some clothes. "Look at those ones," she says, holding a pair of matching onesies with baby bottles on them. " _Drinking buddies_. Toby would love that. Oh, and those ones," she grabs for two sweaters, one that says _Get One_ , and the other, _Get One Free_. "Toby and I are gonna be the fun uncle and aunt. Expect all the obnoxious wordplay from us, especially after those _Moby Dick_ T-shirts," she winks at Madison. "And probably some Star Wars costumes."

"Oh, yes!" Lauren claps her hands. "Imagine if it's a boy and a girl, tiny Luke and Leia costumes! We should totally get that for their first Halloween. Chris would go nuts about it."

"Your brother loves Star Wars?" Kate asks, sounding excitedly hopeful. " _Please_ introduce him to Toby. I'm really trying to get the whole hype, but..." She shrugs. "I mean, robots in space?"

Madison nods, agreeing. There's a picture of the three of them back at their parents' house, Halloween '89, where her brother is dressed as Han Solo with one of their dad's belt wrapped around his leg as a homemade holster and wearing their mom's leather boots, Lauren with a white sheet wrapped around her and her hair up like Leia's, and a three year-old Madison wearing a velvet brown jumpsuit and what looks like cotton balls dyed with brown paint stuck to her head with hairclips to look like Ewok ears. Luckily for her Christopher went through a growth spurt the following year, started getting girls' attention, and stopped making them coordinated costumes.

"Still," Lauren goes on. "We've got to look for cute twins costumes." She gets her phone from her purse and starts typing. "Aw, look at those ketchup and mustard costumes. Oh, and that Clark Kent/Superman thing! Look! If it's two boys, you've got to go with that."

"Isn't the Clark twin gonna feel jealous he wasn't dressed as Superman, though?" Kate wonders.

Lauren shakes her head. "No, nope. I mean, Clark Kent is a badass, too. He's a great journalist, he's an amazing man."

Madison can't help giggling to herself. She never knew her sister and best friend would ever meet, let alone get along so well, getting all excited over her _children's_ first Halloween costumes. Her phone beeps with a new text from Colin.

_Colin Mastin_

_2.55pm_

_Mr. Pearson hopes your day with your sister and his sister is going well, and he says he misses you._

Madison beams. At first it felt weird, having a total stranger asking her about her day on behalf of her baby daddy, but then again, the whole _Kevin being her baby daddy_ is already weird enough as it is. Besides, Colin sounds like a cutie, and Kevin told her he's the youngest of six with five big sisters; he's surprisingly insightful about pregnancy and babies and how to navigate a long-distance relationship with a movie star.

"Come over here, selfie time for Kevin," Madison calls to Lauren and Kate. "Your brother is just really into visual confirmation, isn't he," she muses.

Kate gags again just as Madison presses the camera button. "I _don't_ need to know the kind of visual confirmation he's asking from you. You're making it really hard to support your relationships when you're sexting with my brother, Madison."

Madison's eyes widen. "We're not!"

"Why not?" Lauren counters. "He's hot, you're hot, and you're hot for him, it's the perfect way to deal with long-distance relationships. That, and phone sex." A salesclerk who was walking up to them stops in her tracks, then turns around. Lauren laughs. "He's been gone, what, almost a week now? He's got to _miss_ you, and I know _you're_ riding high on those horny pregnant woman hormones."

Madison wills her cheeks not to flush, but she feels them burning anyway. Kate's looking at Lauren with the same kind of annoyance she used to feel towards Madison in the beginning; Madison remembers those looks at the support group very well. "There's _no_ phone sex," Madison mutters in a low voice, busying herself with texting the selfie to Colin.

"Why not?" Lauren insists again. It's the thing with her sister - she's like a dog with a bone, never letting anything that's picked her interest go. Then her gaze softens as realization dawns on her. "You guys still haven't..."

_Now_ Madison feels as mortified as Colin must have felt, having to ask her about _pelvic pressure_. Yoga is the most exercise she's been getting below the waist lately, which Madison now regrets sharing with Lauren. Lauren's always been very comfortable with her body and sex and talking about it; as a teenager she'd tried getting Madison to talk more about her relationship with her first boyfriend, and given her advice, but Madison had always felt too self-conscious to delve into the kind of gossiping Lauren wanted. Her own teenage experience with sex had been a few fumbling, hormone-laden make-out sessions with Evan, leading to enthusiastic, but still clumsy encounters. Evan was a sweet boy, who'd tried to make the experience romantic and good for her, but Madison mostly remembers messy kisses and rushed, awkward foreplay, coupled with Evan's awed grunts. Up until Kevin, Madison had just always felt that talking about sex was a weird thing altogether. She still doesn't know why she even told Kate about that upside down thing, despite the obvious _awe_ factor about the whole thing.

Kate sighs, grabbing her gently by the elbow and stirring her to the checkout. "I'm gonna slap Kevin. _Twice_. He's done this to me twice," she complains to Lauren. "Do you know how awkward it is when your brother dates your best friend in high school? You don't know until you have to hear the tale of their first time twice. And Kevin's side of the story _didn't_ quite tally with Sophie's. And now you want these two to have phone sex," Kate adds with barely veiled disgust.

The checkout clerk pretends not to listen to their conversation as she scans Madison's items, her eyebrows still raised over the rim of her glasses. "I'm not saying I want them to," Lauren says, "just that it might be good for them. I mean, it can't be as good as getting the real thing, but in the meantime..." She shrugs, smiling at the clerk. "Hey, do you guys have a sexy mama-to-be aisle or something?"

"Lauren!" Madison slaps her wrist, wishing she could disappear six feet under. The clerk only looks fresh out of high school, and here goes her sister, spilling the beans about her sexless dating life with the daddy-to-be.

"Second floor, lingerie and beauty," the girl says, straight-faced, although her gaze rakes over Madison for a moment, recognition shining in her eyes. She's had people recognizing her a few times, coming to congratulate her or just beaming at her at the coffee shop or the grocery store. Mostly teenage girls and women, and despite how weird it felt at first, now Madison only tries to smile back. It's part of sharing the private life of a very public man. The girl puts the baby clothes in a cute bag, then hands it over to Madison. "We have some attractive sales in the lingerie and sleepwear department today. Ask for Sara on the second floor, she'll walk you through it."

"Thanks," Lauren thanks the clerk for Madison, whose cheeks are way past pink and right into bright red territory. "You're almost thirty-four, Maddie. It's time you start feeling more comfortable with your body. I've seen you and Kevin going at it, he's _definitely_ into you," she claims, waving at Madison's chest and bump. "Like, really, really -"

"I swear to God, I'll throw up on your shoes, Lauren," Kate warns, looking a little pale. "My brother, remember? It's bad enough that half the women I meet drool all over him, I don't need to hear about him and my best friend..."

Lauren gives her a sympathetic pat to her arm, but doesn't look like she's ready to drop the subject anytime soon. "You know, I was reading an article about kinks and people and their experiences about talking about their kinks being tinged with shame and, really, what's up with that?" she asks, sounding half outraged. There's the lawyer in her, always defending the poor and the sexless. "Your brother clearly has a pregnancy kink, and Maddie's never looked better than she does right now. You _do_ ," she insists, turning to Madison who was just about to deny it. "Glowing skin, shiny hair, great boobs. You're the real deal. And I think it's our mission to help you get your sex drive back on."

Madison turns to Kate for help, grimacing. Kate mirrors her, even though there's something in her eyes that says _well, if we must_. Lauren's always been very persuasive; and Madison has no good argument to counter her offer to _investigate in our inner goddesses_ and _shift ignominy away from our pleasure._ Madison's pretty sure that her sister listens to an entirely different genre of podcasts.

Kate starts perusing through the sleepwear section, while Lauren lets her fingers graze all the lace and silk nightgowns, her features set in deep concentration as she searches for The One. Lauren starts frowning as she looks at the tags. "Do they realize that pregnant women _can't_ fit their pregnancy curves in an extra small size?" she groans, her voice taking that justice warrior edge she gets sometimes. Lauren sighs heavily. "Where is that Sara girl?"

"Don't start a fight," Madison warns her, tugging at Lauren's sleeve. "There's plenty of cute stuff here," Madison adds, showing her a cute, comfy-looking robe with tiny hearts on it.

Lauren crosses her arms over her chest, her chin jutting out. "Maddie," she sighs, and Madison feels twelve all over again, back to a time when a fourteen year-old Lauren started acting like the two years she had on her made her immensely wise and clever. "We're here to help you feel sexy again. You don't have to sacrifice sexiness for comfort. We'll tolerate no cotton. Right, Kate?"

Kate's head snaps, and Madison grins as she spots a similar-looking kimono in her hands. Kate looks torn. "But cotton _really_ does feel good," she tries to argue.

Lauren shakes her head, grabbing for the nearest silk nightie and waving it at their faces. "Come on, touch this. Get a feel for it. This is what your skin deserves."

Kate runs her fingers over it, nodding. "It _is_ super soft," she agrees, giving Madison an apologetic look. Lauren never gets into an argument she can't win.

Madison runs her fingers through her hair, nervously pulling at the strands. It's in moments like this that she resents her inability to believe people who tell her she looks good, or to find the words to explain why it feels _terrifying_ , the idea of trying on clothes now that she's ten pounds heavier, that every top she owns makes her feel like her breasts are going to spill out, and not in a sexy way, more like fat rolls trying to escape. "Okay, I'll try a thing or two," she starts, raising a finger at Kate and Lauren. "But nothing too revealing. Something that's still comfortable. Nothing see-through. I don't want Kevin to think I'm trying to be a sex kitten or something."

Lauren loops an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the fitting rooms. "Who cares about what Kevin thinks?" she says. "Do you?" she asks, turning to Kate.

"Oh, hell no. I'm going to try some stuff for a getaway week-end with Toby. You and Kev can look after Jack," she tells Madison. "You owe me that, after making me listen to all this crap about my brother and..." She doesn't finish her sentence, instead disappearing behind the curtain of the nearest fitting room.

Lauren snorts, squeezing Madison's arm. "Come on, Maddie, lighten up. This will be fun. Remember when we went shopping for my prom dress? All these sequined dresses you made me try?"

Madison's eyes widen. She may just start regretting agreeing to any of this.

* * *

Madison can't believe she's doing _that_.

"Ladies, you don't need John Mayer to tell you that _your body is a wonderland_. Tell yourself," the podcast host says with a firm, confident voice.

Madison stands before her full-length mirror, her laptop perched on her dresser. Despite liking it back at the store, she now feels weird, looking at herself as she wears the deep green, silk nightdress with lace embroidery Lauren half-forced, half-begged her to buy. There's something with the light in fitting rooms, or maybe it's their mirrors that are tricking you into thinking you look good, but now Madison fiddles with the hem of the dress, dragging it lower on her thighs. In just a couple of months her belly will be so big the dress will hike up and barely cover her ass. This was a terrible idea.

"Body confidence is not something that happens overnight," the host continues. "But your body still does wonders, whether you believe in it or not. Look at yourself in the mirror and focus on all those daily miracles. Look at those thighs or legs you hate, and thank them for how they support you every day and get you where you want to go. Your body takes care of you no matter how much you dismiss its beauty and strength. It does not matter what you look like. Feeling powerful and sexy and beautiful is a state of mind, not a size on a tag."

Madison turns around slightly, staring at the way the fabric hugs her new curves with a doubtful expression. She tries to see it the way Kevin does, splaying her hands over her belly and slowly stroking it, but it feels so awkward, doing that while looking at herself in the mirror. It's sweet when Kevin does it, tenderly touching her, sometimes even talking to the babies, but facing the mirror Madison only feels huge; can't help noticing that her reflection fills up the entire surface. She's thankful for her body allowing her to experiment this, sheltering her babies as they grow, but she can't look past the way her thighs chafe against one another now, or the more visible veins on her breasts. Though her hair does look shinier, it's getting all over the place, caught between the cute, shorter bob she had a few months back, and the longer style she used to sport a year ago. It's like there's a downside to everything that Kevin or Lauren do find attractive in her.

Madison lets out a heavy sigh, getting annoyed at herself. All she wanted was to snap a quick picture for Kevin, but now her confidence is as low as her libido is getting high just thinking about him. Pregnancy hormones are a nightmare, making her feel on top of the world one moment, then wishing she could disappear off the surface of the earth the very next. Even alone in her bedroom her skin starts flushing at the thought of Kevin in here with her, and Madison can't help shaking her head at her reflection as she spots the pink blush spreading to her cheeks and chest. "You're ridiculous," Madison tells herself. "Stop acting like you need to change for a man."

It's her sister's words and confidence, not hers, though. Even though Madison agrees that feeling sexy for herself is an achievement in and out of itself, and that she _deserves_ to feel good, Madison still feels like looking good _for_ Kevin drives her more at the moment. Lauren and her podcasts tell her it's not a bad thing, even if they push her to move past her mental roadblocks and get more in touch with her body and internal energy for herself, first. Still, Madison doesn't feel like she looks good _yet_.

She likes the green fabric, though. And she hopes Kevin will like it too. She'd shaken off Lauren's every other suggestion, turning down black or red or pastel blue or pale pink nightdresses until the salesclerk had brought this one. Madison might not be ready to tell her body it's beautiful, she can still admit to herself that the color does bring out her skin tone and should be to Kevin's tastes, and maybe it'll work this time, him telling her she looks gorgeous, she might just feel it too.

Still, the idea of snapping a sexy photo feels as daunting as the concept of intimacy with Kevin again. Madison's pretty good at selfies; she's perfected all the poses that hide the parts of her body she dislikes the most over the years. But this - this is another level entirely. Amber's always talking about how she makes men go wild with her sexting, making it sound so easy to be sexy and sultry over a message or a picture, Madison wishes she had her confidence right now. If they were closer, Madison would almost consider asking her for advice. It's one thing for her sister to suggest it, another to ask Lauren how to sext her newly-crowned boyfriend/baby daddy.

The thing is, Madison's new to this - she's tried sending sexy messages before, but always felt weird about it. And all the men she tried this with ended up dumping her at some point because she was just too much.

"It's not black or white." Madison's attention snaps back to the podcast, where the host is greeting a guest, a sex therapist. "For every negative trait you find about yourself, it's just another reason for someone else to love you, and it might just be what they're looking for. You think you're too naive? They might just love how openly caring you are about other people, you overlook the bad stuff. Too loud? They'll love how you fill up the space around you. Too clingy? Oh, for fuck's sake! What does that even mean? We are what we love, so cherish that big heart of yours that opens you up to the most loving version of you. Go after the things and the people you love with all that you are - _that's_ what people will love about you. That _strength_. It's not weakness, or a character flaw. Being kind and open and loud and loving and carefree is a strength in a world where dating has been shaped through sex achievements and winning someone over like this is still the middle ages and men are knights fighting for their women. You're not prizes, ladies. And you can be your own damn knight. So romanticize yourself. Believe in yourself. I know it's scary but no one's asking you to dive in head first. Test the waters. Start by telling yourself what you want - then it'll be much easier teaching somebody else."

Madison presses pause on the podcast. The title says _Love, Sex and Relationships_ , a pretty generic topic Madison has pondered about for hours, but Madison's heard enough for now. _Test the waters_.

She worries her bottom lip between her teeth before she snaps a few pictures, willing her heart to stop beating so fast. Kevin's not even here, Madison tells herself; there's no reason to feel so nervous. She's not a teenage girl sending nudes to a pressuring boyfriend - she's a grown-ass woman who can send a few flattering pictures to the man who just became her official boyfriend after knocking her up. It's a thing that happens between two consenting adults, movies and magazines say so.

Madison goes through her photo gallery, frowning at every picture. Maybe she should have looked for advice on the internet on posture and eye contact, because she looks like she's pulling a _Legally Blonde_ on every selfie, even though her own version of the bend and snap is more like pull and push, squeezing her shoulder blades to push her chest out - which would probably look sexier if there _wasn't_ a growing bump sticking out just underneath. Madison doesn't dare arching her back seductively for fear she might just crack it. And eye contact for a boudoir photo shoot is a weird thing. Is she supposed to look like she's looking right at Kevin, or gaze away dreamily?

Madison opts for one where she does a classic red carpet pose, one hand on her hip and from the side as she looks back over her shoulder - sexy pictures should be tailored to a man's preferences, and since Madison doesn't really know him enough to figure those out, she can at least go for what his movie star status has gotten him used to. She can't help snorting when she realizes that months ago, she would have tried sucking her stomach in to appear smaller, something that is now completely impossible.

Her thumb hovers over the send button, though. Should she write something, or just send the picture? Is Kevin the kind to prefer explicit messages, or who likes being teased? Madison doesn't have the slightest clue.

Then she remembers something Dr. Mason said during their last appointment. Madison's not sure he meant sexting and phone sex, but, still - good advice is good advice. _What do you want? What are you comfortable with?_

Madison wants to feel the thrill of knowing she's the one to make Kevin's eyes turn a darker shade of brown, heat and desire pooling in them. He's said he found her gorgeous, and Madison knows he still looks at her like that, but she wants to feel like she did on that night five months ago. _Desirable_.

_Madison_

_8.45pm_

_Does this qualify as green *green*? I can try and find another one if you'd prefer._

Madison presses her hand to her mouth, covering a low giggle, half-impressed by her own forwardness. It is a bit easier, sending a sexy photo to Kevin knowing he won't see it before another hour at least. Kevin told her last night that they were doing night shoots; it's almost midnight in Atlanta now, and now that she and Colin exchanged numbers, Kevin doesn't really use his phone unless he's calling her. Madison now gets some time to herself to breathe and come up with a response for every scenario that could result from sending that picture.

If Kevin takes the bait, she can just send him other pictures, tease him until he's the one leading the dance and she doesn't have to think too much about the fact that she's sending naughty pictures and messages to a man who could do this with literally any woman walking on the surface of the earth but still _chose_ her. And if Kevin doesn't catch on...well, she can still just play it out as their usual banter, flirty and quirky, but nothing more.

There's a downside to sending the picture so early that Madison hadn't anticipated, though - how _long_ an hour can feel like, sometimes. At first she plays the podcast she was listening to again, but listening to experts talk about love, giving all kinds of different, sometimes contradictory advice, has her doubting her every move.

What if Kevin doesn't find this sexy but awkward? All of a sudden Madison feels foolish, the exact opposite of what she was aiming for. What if he prefers coy and sweet to sexy and spicy? Should she have looked for sexy wordplay, innuendos and double entendres to make him go wild? Does she even want that? Sexting could be a lot of fun, but Madison's definitely not ready for phone sex, and she's pretty sure that ghosting Kevin now would send the wrong message.

_Madison_

_9.30pm_

_So what if I sent a picture to Kevin and don't quite know how to follow through?_

Tiny dots appear instantly.

_Lauren_

_9.31pm_

_Are we talking sensual, hints more than shows, or you wearing nothing but a smile??? #shocked #proud_

_Lauren_

_9.33pm_

_Remember when you first asked me for condoms? Look how far we've come._

Madison remembers it vividly, how embarrassed she'd felt. Fifteen years later and Madison still hasn't completely shaken that feeling off. It's something she's been working on with her therapist - how to accept that her issues stem from a deep, unsettling anxiety that's been bubbling up underneath the surface for longer than Madison can remember. Her eating disorder, the way she sees her body, even how she can't stand confrontation...it's always been there, this overwhelming fear that everything would come crashing down if she dares speak up or stand for herself. It took years for Madison to realize it even impacted the most private, intimate areas of her life.

Getting naked in front of someone for the first time can be nerve-racking for just about anyone; but Madison knows that the shivers that run down her spine right before most encounters isn't from excitation but _dread_ ; that it's _not_ normal to feel so intensely self-conscious she gets lost in her own mind, so much that pleasure feels like an afterthought, not a priority or a goal. Madison worries so much about what she looks like, the shape of her body, if her stomach looks flat enough in this position, if there's anything wrong with the way she smells, tastes or even moves, it can railroad all sexy thoughts or desires out of her brain, even if she was the one making the first move, raring to go mere moments before.

And yet with Kevin, anxiety hadn't kicked in so hard. Madison hadn't shut down like she does sometimes; she'd been fully present, enjoying and sharing Kevin's enthusiasm, and letting him guide her into accepting and receiving power and pleasure. Foreplay hadn't felt like a chore, a necessary prelude to make sure he wouldn't get bored with her; her moans and whimpers hadn't been faked or exaggerated for his entertainment and ego.

Madison breathes in and out slowly, trying to focus on that memory. Kevin soothes her; makes her feel safe. If she holds onto that feeling, there's no reason why she can't enjoy this.

_Madison_

_9.39pm_

_I just need you to tell me that sex can be fun and good and to stop worrying so damn much._

_Lauren_

_9.40pm_

_Sex is fun and good and you're dating one of the hottest guys in L.A., you should stop worrying so damn much and FaceTime him ASAP._

_Lauren_

_9.42pm_

_And sex isn't something you owe anybody. He's no kid, he won't dump you because he can't get some._

_Lauren_

_9.43pm_

_He seems like a good guy. He should be the one you're talking to about all of this, sweetie._

_Madison_

_9.45pm_

_I'm pretty sure men prefer actual sex to *talking* about potential sex._

_Lauren_

_9.50pm_

_Most men, sure. But not men who look at you like you're the sun, moon and stars. And this isn't just sex. It's intimacy. Opening up to vulnerability and closeness. I don't think he's only here for the promised land of penetration, you know?_

Madison hates it when her sister is right, even though for once, Lauren doesn't sound smug about it. She presses play on her podcast for the third time, and curls into bed, feeling slightly less ridiculous as she hugs her pregnancy pillow in her new, silky nightdress.

* * *

"There is some serious nuance to sex and intimacy even before pregnancy, but, oh boy, does it get even more complex during and after pregnancy. Ironic, isn't it, considering that's what got you into this in the first place."

Madison rubs at her eyes, yawning. Her podcast ended, and another one started playing automatically, women talking about their personal experiences with sex and pregnancy. She reaches for her phone; she dozed off for an hour, and there's a series of texts from Kevin.

_Kevin_

_10.15pm_

_I'm dropping this movie and getting on the first flight home. God, Madison._

_Kevin_

_10.17pm_

_Fuck, Madison. You know what's my new favorite color? That rosy, ruby pink on your cheeks._

_Kevin_

_10.20pm_

_All I wanted was to crash down in bed and talk to you but now I'm craving touching you._

_Kevin_

_10.25pm_

_You have no idea how gorgeous and lovely and hot you are, you're driving me insane._

_Kevin_

_10.40pm_

_I guess you went to bed. Sleep well. <3 Talk to you tomorrow. Hope your day with the girls was nice._

Madison can _feel_ her heart swell in her ribcage. Kevin has this ability to go from hot to sweet in just a minute, and it's seriously working for her. If he's this adorable even before the babies are born, Madison doesn't know how she'll resist once they're here and she can witness it with her own eyes, Kevin Pearson dotting on his children and smiling up at her with that crooked, bright smile of his, soft and vulnerable and precious all at once.

Heat pools low in her belly, half hormones perhaps, but it's mostly all Kevin's fault for being an all around great guy and making her lust for him like that when he's thousands of miles away. Of course it'd be like that with her - that she'd feel somewhat ready for more when he's not there. Talk about terrible timing.

Madison stares at her phone, nervously nibbling on her lower lip. It's two in the morning for Kevin now, but if she remembers his schedule well, he's not expected on set before the afternoon, so...

He picks up on the third ring, voice husky from sleep and something else, something deeper that resonates low and urgent as he says, "Hey, babe."

Kevin's never called her that, and Madison's not sure he's awake enough to realize it. She ignores it, making herself comfortable as she fluffs her pillow up and lies down. "Hey. Sorry, I dozed off earlier, and...I woke you up, didn't I? Sorry."

"It's okay," Kevin replies. She hears him stifling a yawn. Silence lingers, and Madison wonders if he's fallen asleep again when he goes on. "So I take it your shopping spree went well?" he asks.

Either he's not taking the hint, or he's giving her an out. Either way, Madison is grateful for the few minutes it gives her to collect her thoughts. "Yeah. Kate and Lauren grilled me about the gender but I didn't say anything. And I got plenty of cute, unisex clothing."

"But you'll wait for me to go get their Stan Smith, right?" Kevin chuckles. "I still need to get you a pair too."

Madison laughs. "Yeah, sure. I need you to tie my laces anyway, remember?" The visual of Kevin kneeling before her brings _another_ , and Madison has to bite on her palm not to let out a moan. "Kevin..." she speaks his name in a low murmur.

She hears his sharp inhale on the other end of the line. Madison wishes she could see him, almost switches to a video call - but she might just combust from sensory overload. Magazines and movies have created such a hype over FaceTime and Skype sex as long-distance relationships essentials, there's something about voice-only, good old-school phone sex that feels enticing in a way Madison isn't used to feel. The fantasy of him, far away, using only his words and breaths and cadence, doesn't weird her out as much as it did when Lauren first mentioned it.

By the time he comes back, Madison might be ready to act on all the things she wishes he'd do if they were in the same room. In the meantime...

Madison feels tongue-tied. Maybe she should have prepared some sort of script, a few sexy pick-up lines as a safety net. She's always been pretty tame, fantasy-wise, and she can't find any appealing way to say what she wants without sounding like a bad 80s phone sex operator.

"This is weird, right?" Kevin interrupts the silence. "It's _hot_ , don't get me wrong, but it's weird, too. It's like...we do all these things in reverse, and I don't know enough about what you like and what you need to..." He clears his throat, chuckling softly. "You're _magnificent_ , I hope you know that, right?"

Madison almost drops her phone on the pillow beside hers, her fingers itching to touch him, and..."I am?" she asks, stunned.

She hears Kevin moving around in bed, his sheets rustling with him. "Fuck, yeah. You can't send pictures like that and expect me _not_ to be a caveman about them, Madison," he laughs in a low rumble. "It should be illegal to be this gorgeous."

Madison runs her hand over her bump, trying to see it the way Kevin does. She's stoked about what a miracle it is, too, but Madison fails to understand why it seems to be such a turn-on to him - other than the obvious swelling of her chest which she'll be sorry to see go after the pregnancy. "I feel like a whale," she tells him instead.

"Then I have a kink for whales," Kevin says assuredly. "Madison, you look even more gorgeous now. It's...I don't know, call it caveman pride all you want, but...it's so goddamn sexy that you're carrying my babies in you. Makes it twice as hot since it's twins maybe. Goddamn math," he laughs.

Madison presses her lips together - she can't stop grinning. She feels foolish and feverish, grinning like a fool alone in her bedroom. The cover of darkness and distance makes it easier to flirt so openly, to accept his openness about how hot he finds her as truth - and to let it sink in, filling her with a warmth that spreads all over her body, to the tips of her fingers to her toes, and has her clenching her thighs together. "God, I wish you were here," she confesses, tightly fisting the hem of her nightdress in her fingers.

Kevin makes a choking sound. "Yeah?"

Madison nods her head, then laughs as she remembers that he can't see her. "Yeah." She starts rubbing circles on her thigh with her thumb, honing in on the inner skin, wishing it were Kevin's fingers touching her. "I got really nervous, trying to take a sexy picture, but...it really turned me on, too. Imagining how you'd react."

The groan that follows her confession tells Madison she's definitely _not_ doing too bad at this.

* * *

_to be continued_


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky rolls his eyes. "Yes. I'm totally bringing someone from the veteran group to my nephew's baby party because this is a normal thing to do. Remind me why I have to fly across the country to eat some cake again?" he asks, full of sass. "Back in my day people simply told their friends they were having a baby, no fuss about it."
> 
> "Because it'd be a fun story to tell at a meeting?" Madison suggests. "How your nephew knocked some woman up and you flew across the country to eat some cake with her." She pats her belly. "It makes me feel better, when people stuff their mouth with me."
> 
> "Mmh," Nicky hums, unconvinced. "It'd be a fun story if it weren't a love story. Those, no one wants to hear about. Too boring. We've got movies for that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys have been awfully silent about kevin and madison growing closer, i hope this one gets you more excited

"I'm sorry for bothering you with this."

Kate turns to her with a sympathetic smile, then reaches out to pat her jostling knee. "You're not _bothering_ me, Madison. And you know you can always call me, I'm here for you. And for my nieces," she adds with a wink.

Madison can't help the small grin that tugs at her lips. Kate's so obsessed with the idea of twin girls, Madison feels like she will rally her to her Poppy Pearson side easily since Kate should be ecstatic she's getting at least one niece. "I told Dr. Mason we didn't want to tell people about the gender yet. He won't slip up, even if you try to be sneaky about it."

Kate's mouth forms a pout, then she goes back to focusing her attention on the road. In the backseat Jack is napping soundly, clutching the sensory baby book Madison got him with the richly-textured pages and interactive buttons to push. Madison found it on three different recommendation lists, then went out and bought the entire collection, stashing them in a box labeled _surprises_ at her house where she keeps all the baby stuff she buys for Jack. Toby thinks she's spoiling him rotten, so she's been trying to get a grip on herself - or, at least, on her habit of coming to Kate and Toby's house with a present every single time.

Back when Kate told her she was pregnant, Madison had lived the experience vicariously: getting cautiously excited every time Kate came out from an appointment with a green light, reading all the education books, listening to all the baby podcasts she could find and sharing tips with Kate; trying to support her the best she could when she felt low or scared without making Kate feel smothered. Madison had loved - and loves - Jack like her own from the moment she'd first held him in her arms - the affection and devotion perhaps even stronger because she'd never expected _she_ could have that, too, a baby of her own and a family. Getting to be his godmother is an honor, an official bond that ties them beyond the tenderness she feels for him; perhaps someday he'll call her _Auntie Madison_ and Madison feels her eyes starting to well just at the thought, that they _are_ family.

"You okay?" Kate asks, concern laced in her voice. "It's the nausea again?"

Madison shakes her head, which, in retrospective, is a terrible idea when feeling nauseous and nursing a headache. "No, no. It's nothing. I..." She tilts her head to the backseat, watching Jack as he snores softly, then strokes her hand over her belly. "I just love him _so_ much, and...it's hard to imagine that in a few months these two little papayas will be here and I feel like my heart is going to _explode_ from all this love."

"And that's a bad thing?" Kate asks, letting out a soft chuckle. "You're the most loving person I know. And now you get those two babies to put all your love into. The more the merrier, right?"

Madison nods, biting at her lip. She remembers her brother teaching her about Greek mythology, and a younger Madison wishing she could be like Aphrodite, making everybody fall for her; charming and beautiful and irresistible. But another goddess comes to mind now, one that embodies what Madison strives forward to, hearth and home and family - a place where she could belong and begin to settle after all the struggle and turmoil she's been through, and start building the home she's always wanted. There's a sense of peace that comes with the realization that what she wants is the strength to _choose_ love, instead of waiting for the man of her dreams to rescue her like rain in the desert, a desperate wish upon a star that only brings disappointment.

It's what Kate chose, accepting Toby's love, fighting to build the family she wanted. If Kate could do it, then surely Madison can, too.

The only question is, where does Kevin fit in that equation? He helps her with the practical challenges of this pregnancy, encourages her to open up to the world and love herself more; Madison, in turn, feels like she softens him, takes him into the deeper emotional layers of the intimacy she's craving and he's so willing to offer. But how do they build a tangible, romantic relationship out of this? How can she be sure that the blossoming feelings that make her heart pound just a bit faster whenever she's thinking about him can last outside of this little bubble they've created for themselves?

It's _love_ , though. Madison can't deny it any longer. It's not lust or affection stemming from the most unexpected roots; not infatuation like this is just any guy she's feeling butterflies flying in her stomach for. It's love like she's always dreamed about, finding someone who makes her heart beat fast and at ease all at once, the urgency feeling at home with the soothing peacefulness. The Kevin she's gotten to know is so far from the playboy persona the media has depicted over the years - so far from the man he was, once upon a not so long ago time. Kevin is sweet and thoughtful; when he's all in, he gives his all; and for the past three months he hasn't given her any reason to doubt that he can be a great friend and father. He's been there for her and not only out of sheer obligation, and Madison's realized that her feelings for him are no accident either.

She loves him on purpose. Not because it's convenient to fall for the man who got her pregnant, or because she wants so desperately to find the one she's somehow persuaded herself that she and Kevin could be more than two strangers that serendipity brought together. He's wonderful and she loves him and it's the best decision she'd made in a while, to open up to him, to stop waiting for the great revelation and instead focus on the little, daily miracles, like his warm voice across the phone, asking how she's doing or telling her he misses her, or the small but strong kicks their papaya-sized babies are giving her. A few months back finding herself at Kate's house, opening the door to Kevin, then bringing him home and sleeping with him had felt like all the wrong decisions, ending up in all the wrong places - and yet Madison has found herself exactly where she's supposed to be. If they're an accident, then they're the happiest - Kevin is her wrong place, wrong time, perfectly right guy.

The sentiment is only slightly getting sour as nausea floods her throat and mouth and Madison has to gulp it down, pressing her hand to her mouth.

She busies herself with getting Jack out of his car seat once Kate parks in front of Dr. Mason's office, tucking his sleepy head against her shoulder. He's been teething lately, his cheeks always a bright red, so it's a relief for everyone when he manages to get some sleep during the day; besides, Madison loves the scent of his baby shampoo, a natural remedy against morning sickness.

Madison only reluctantly lets go of him when Dr. Mason's office nurse comes for her and instructs her to put on a medical gown and wait for him. Kate comes and joins her then, her eyes wandering around. She looks at Madison, her nose wrinkling. "I'm not sure we've reached the part of our friendship where we can be comfortable talking about our vaginas. Are we going to survive this?"

Madison snorts. "Don't make me laugh. I have a weak control over my perineum lately."

"Now I guess I understand how weird it must have been for Kev, coming to all those doctor appointments with us."

"I'm sure he didn't mind," Madison assures her, stroking her hands down her gown to smooth the wrinkles.

Kate gives her a soft smile. "No, he didn't. That's Kev. He'd go to the ends of the earth for the people he loves. Have you told him?" she asks, jutting her chin at Madison.

Madison shakes her head no. There's no reason to worry Kevin when he's not here and can't do anything; besides, Madison likes the turn their phone calls took lately, spicing things up with the promise of a memorable welcome home, she doesn't want to rain on that particular parade. "You know him. He'd drop this movie and get on the first flight home just to get me soup or something." Madison smiles, feeling emotional. Damn it if Kevin isn't the sweetest. "I try to keep my updates as peppy as possible."

Kate sighs softly, stroking down Jack's back. "He'd want to know," she says simply, without really trying to convince Madison, for which she's grateful.

It's not that she wants to keep Kevin in the dark; Madison mostly doesn't want him to worry himself sick when she's not there to help. Not that she pretends to be an expert on addiction, or on Kevin, for that matter, but Madison would feel better if Kevin were here and she could support him if he got worried over her and the babies. Which he has no reason to be. Madison's fine.

Dr. Mason comes in with her chart, smiling at them. "Hi, Madison. Hello," he addresses to Kate, curious.

Madison straightens up. "This is Kate, my best friend. And Kevin's sister," she explains.

Dr. Mason nods his head. "I'll start writing it down, make myself a family tree," he grins at them. He starts reading her chart, nodding to himself. "I see Molly took your blood pressure. It's lower than I'd like, though it's not concerning at the moment. We're going to take it again, when you're sitting and lying down, and after you've stood up, just to be sure. Tell me how you've been doing," he asks gently as he wraps the arm cuff around her arm and starts pumping.

Madison breathes slowly, Kate squeezing her hand. "I've been feeling tired a lot, like I'm nursing a headache all the time and can't get over it."

"Intense or mild?"

Madison shrugs. "It doesn't really _hurt_. It's...I don't know, it's like this wave of...I'm just feeling under the weather, like when you get over the flu. Sometimes my head hurts a bit more but mostly it's just like there's this cloud in my head that doesn't go away."

Dr. Mason nods, writing it down in her chart. "All right. Any signs of confusion, or fainting?" he asks as he helps her sit, her legs dangling on the edge of the examination chair. "Okay, breathe out for me, please. Slowly. In and out."

He starts pumping the valve again, and Madison is caught between answering his question and sitting still, until the pressure from the cuff around her arm loosens. "No, none of that. Just the exhaustion and the nausea. It just happens all the time, I'm sick of it. Sometimes I stay up to fifteen minutes in the bathroom, just emptying my stomach and feeling like it could start all over again any time."

"That's concerning, right?" Kate intervenes. "I had severe nausea too, but nothing like Madison."

Dr. Mason grabs another stool, sitting with them. "My first concern here is to make sure you don't get dehydrated or start losing weight. I read you weigh a hundred and thirty-five pounds. That's approximately fifteen pounds since the start of your pregnancy."

"Fourteen," Madison can't help correcting him. She averts her eyes, feeling stupid all of a sudden. She's carrying twins, and Kevin's app says it's a perfectly normal weight, even a little less than expected. _Still_. It feels insensitive to be complaining about her weight; years of being rejected at different support groups have that effect, Madison sometimes doesn't even let herself wallow inside her own head.

"And that's a perfectly normal amount of weight gain. I can understand how disturbing it might feel to you, because there's a difference between the number and the actual distribution on your body. But our goal here is to make sure you _keep_ on gaining weight in a normal way and that vomiting doesn't make you lose too much weight," Dr. Mason explains kindly. "Since when would you say the vomiting has increased?"

"Four, five days," Madison says. "Before it felt like, I don't know...just nausea, the sensation of wanting to throw up but not always emptying my stomach. But now it's hard to keep food down."

"Anything particular this past week?" Dr. Mason asks. "Did you have something out of the ordinary to eat? A busier week at work?"

"No. My boss is pretty understanding and I only work on one project at once these days."

"Kevin's been gone ten days, though," Kate intervenes again. At Madison's raised eyebrow, she adds: "I mean, that's important, no?"

Madison bites at the inside of her cheek. It did occur to her, the bad timing of it all, her nausea getting more intense and severe in Kevin's absence. But it's not in her head, is it? She _is_ getting sicker. She's not making herself sick because she's anxious with him gone, and a bit nervous about him coming back, too. She's not doing this to herself.

Dr. Mason takes her confused features in, then closes her chart, putting it down. "I have too many years of practice to tell a pregnant woman to relax and reduce the stress in her life," he tells her. "This is a challenging time for you, and I can only advise that you listen to your body and rest as much as you can. Have you and Kevin started thinking about your birth plan? Or looked for a midwife?"

"It's on my to-do list," Madison assures him, feeling like a school girl who didn't study enough for a test. She can't help feeling like she's failed this, somehow; disappointed him. "But we have so many things to deal with, and..."

She nibbles at her lip, feeling nervous. Is it too late to start looking for a midwife? The babies will be there in four months or less, and the nursery still isn't painted, and they haven't bought the cribs or any real furniture; Kevin still hasn't officially moved in. Next thing she knows all the birthing classes will be booked and she'll get in labor without knowing how to deliver these babies safely.

Kate reaches for her knee, squeezing it reassuringly. "Breathe, Madison," she says softly. In her arms Jack is still sleeping soundly, and Madison tries to focus on the gentle rise and fall of his back.

"I just think that it might be good for you to have a midwife who could come to you and help with the prenatal care," Dr. Mason explains. "I have a list of midwives I work with, who work as a team and can provide emotional and social support beside the medical aspects of your pregnancy follow-up. I'd rather have us on top of this instead of letting it simmer and get worse, all right?" he encourages her. "For now I want you to rest as much as you can, and not to hesitate to call if you don't feel well. We'll do some more blood and urine tests for a raised number of ketones. It's not completely uncommon to experience mild vomiting beyond the first trimester, but this is getting excessive and we need to make sure it's not something more concerning. We'll watch your weight gain and make sure you stay hydrated. If you're okay with that, a midwife could take care of that."

Madison nods, then locks eyes with Kate as Dr. Mason goes to his desk and start typing a prescription and a list of health professionals. This is _definitely_ the kind of things Kevin would want to know for sure.

Kate leaves the room when Dr. Mason says he's going to do a quick examination, and Madison blinks a few times, refusing to let the tears fall. "I - I don't know if I feel comfortable meeting someone new and telling them..." She gestures at herself, shrugging. "There's just so much to unpack. It was already hard, telling Kevin...I'm not sure I can do it again."

Dr. Mason gives her that comforting look he does so well, something between reassuring and fatherly. "Having a team surrounding you and providing care during your pregnancy doesn't mean you have to share everything about yourself, Madison. I'll remain your primary doctor. But having someone who can monitor you more closely for a few weeks might be a good thing. If you're not comfortable with that, it might be good to ask for help to keep your weight and health in check." He tilts his head to the door. "Your friend here seems like she'd be willing to help."

He lingers, and his silence prompts her to talk. "Kevin's gone for a movie. I told him to go do it because everything was fine with the babies. I know he'll feel guilty if I tell him." Madison pauses, aware of how this sounds. She's supposed to rest and avoid stressful situations, and here she is, worrying over Kevin and the babies even more than usual. "What's the worst-case scenario here?"

"It depends on what we're dealing with here," Dr. Mason starts. "This could be what we call _hyperemesis_ _gravidarum_. Excessive nausea and vomiting that, in mild cases, can be controlled with a change in diet and some rest, sometimes some medication. More severe cases may require specialist treatment, or a hospitalization, mostly to assess your condition and regulate your fluids and treat an eventual ketosis. Though it can hinder your everyday life, it very rarely does any harm to a baby, except if the weight loss is important."

Madison nods her head, taking it all in. So far she hasn't lost any weight, or at least, not that she knows of. The nausea hits at all hours of the day, but never to the point where she feels hungry after, completely empty and dizzy like she did when she made herself sick. Even if it'll be painful to check on her weight more regularly, she can do it, if it means keeping the twins safe. And she can tell Kevin once he's back home. Until then she has Kate, even Lauren, she can talk to, and helping Kate and Toby with Jack and planning his christening and the babies' gender reveal party will help her focus on the good things.

She can do this. No need to worry Kevin over nothing.

* * *

Nicky's features start appearing more clearly as he sits back on his chair, putting some reasonable distance between him and the laptop Kevin got for him and that he's still learning how to use, Skype included.

"Was this really necessary?" he tells Madison in lieu of greeting, so falsely grumpy it makes her grin.

" _Yes_ ," Madison beams at him. She wouldn't dare say it to his face, but the old man is so _cute_ , pretending to be mad. "If you gave proof of life more often, I wouldn't need visual confirmation. You need to get better at taking and sending selfies."

Nicky mutters under his breath as he raises his mug to his lips, slowly sipping at his coffee. "How are the cantaloupes?" he asks after a while, when he seems to realize that Madison won't just hang up after obtaining the required proof of life.

Madison snort-giggles. " _Papayas_. God, you don't pay attention to Kevin's updates, now, do you? The twins are good," she sums up efficiently, stroking her hand over her belly. The babies and her have an agreement of sorts, it seems; they try not to move around too much or kick when she's feeling too nauseous, and Madison's made a conscious effort to rest more, actively searching the internet for birthing classes she and Kevin could enlist for from the comfort of her couch. So far she's selected a few: childbirth preparation and newborn care, a true classic; twins, triplets and more, the secrets of multiple pregnancy; infant CPR, and mommy & me yoga, an initiation to relaxation and infant massages. "Putting pressure on my bladder, I need to go to the bathroom every five minutes."

"Makes two of us," Nicky counters easily, chuckling. "Don't ever get old, sweetheart. It ain't pretty."

"At least you can go for a walk without your back hurting after five minutes." Madison can't help rolling her eyes. If she didn't know that Kevin and Nicky had only recently reconnected, Madison would be sure that Kevin inherited his self-deprecating humor from his uncle, from growing up with a man who veils half-truths behind jokes and snarky comments but fools no one about how kind he truly is.

Things have been rocky with her parents to say the least. Madison got a very formal e-mail from them with polite congratulations but no sign of acknowledging her invitation to the babies' party, or any real interest in their daughter's life or the fact that they're about to become grandparents. They issued the perfunctory dinner invitation to _talk about it_ (her father's answer to everything), only including Kevin like an afterthought (" _would you be a dear and ask Kevin if he wants to join_ ," her mother's passive aggressiveness obvious in the tone), and Madison still doesn't know how she feels about it. She's too tired to be angry or disappointed, but still mad on her babies' behalf that her parents could act like this, so detached. Where is her father's warmth? When she was a kid he was the one getting excited about her day at school, her dance competitions, the childish gossips. And how can her mother, who was always so curious, the chatty one who kept bugging her with questions about her friends and her boyfriend, now remain so silent?

At the end of the day, no matter how estranged they've become, Madison still somehow hoped that they'd be happy about the babies and press pause on this not-feud, stalemate-like situation; that the twins would bring them all closer. She hoped that her family would understand just how much of a miracle this is for her, instead of very obviously showing how much they disapprove of her life choices. Madison gets it: getting pregnant after a one-night stand (not that her parents are aware of that part) and keeping the babies doesn't sound like the smart choice, but if her parents only took the time to get to know Kevin, they'd realize that he's great and that he'll be a great father, too. She wishes they could have opted for cautiously happy, instead of apathetically judgmental.

So Madison's grateful for Nicky, Rebecca and Miguel, people who are happy about the twins and who want to be a part of their lives, impatient and thrilled grandparents-to-be. Rebecca calls her from time to time, to share recipes and memories from her own pregnancy; Miguel and Kevin text each other more, seemingly organizing some kind of DIY sessions. Even Nicky, clumsy, awkward-with-feelings Nicky, sounds happier for them than her own parents.

Talking about Jack's christening with Kate has made her think about choosing godparents for the twins. It may seem a bit premature, especially since it's definitely _not_ the first priority in the long list of things she and Kevin need to discuss, but there's a thing about chosen family that rings true and Madison wants that for the twins: for people to _choose_ to be a part of their lives and love them.

"Kevin says you still haven't RSVP for the party," Madison goes on.

"Didn't feel like I _had_ to, considering he bought the plane ticket for me anyway," Nicky argues, crossing his arms. "It won't be a problem for you, my staying over?" he asks, frowning. "Kevin has this way of inviting people over, but it's still your house."

Madison laughs, shaking her head. "I've never really had anyone staying over, it'll be fun. Besides, what I wanted to know was if you were bringing anyone," Madison grins. "Maybe someone from your hiking group?"

Nicky rolls his eyes. "Yes. I'm totally bringing someone from the veteran group to my nephew's baby party because this is a normal thing to do. Remind me why I have to fly across the country to eat some cake again?" he asks, full of sass. "Back in my day people simply told their friends they were having a baby, no fuss about it."

"Because it'd be a fun story to tell at a meeting?" Madison suggests. "How your nephew knocked some woman up and you flew across the country to eat some cake with her." She pats her belly. "It makes me feel better, when people stuff their mouth with me."

"Mmh," Nicky hums, unconvinced. "It'd be a fun story if it weren't a love story. Those, no one wants to hear about. Too boring. We've got movies for that." At Madison's surprised face, he chuckles. "What? Is it supposed to be a secret?" he asks, stunned in turn. "The kid can't help blabbing out about you. _Madison's so pretty. She's so sweet and kind and lovely. Her hair's so shiny_ ," Nicky says, poorly imitating Kevin's voice. "I feel for Randall and Kate, if they had to bear with this when he was a teenager."

Madison stares at her laptop screen with wide eyes. Then she shakes her head for good measure. Kevin _can't_ be in love with her; Nicky's only making a wild guess based on how much he likes to nag at his nephew over his feelings and just how many of them he has. Kevin likes her, sure - Madison will even go as far as to say he likes her a lot. He wants her in that caveman way of a man who's proud and turned on by the visual of what he's created, his pregnancy kink even more obvious since they started calling each other late at night. But - he doesn't _love_ her. Not like that.

As if on cue, her phone starts ringing and buzzing on the coffee table. An incoming call from Kevin. In her ears, Nicky's words are still echoing: _it's a love story_. She can't help smiling. "You should see your face," Nicky chuckles, good-natured. "I'll leave you two to it, then," he says, and with the kind of dramatic flair the whole Pearson clan seems to be gifted with, shuts his laptop, his screen fading to black.

Madison picks up, still somewhat stunned. "Kevin. Hey."

"Hey, how do you feel about raccoons?"

Madison frowns. "Is this part of the favorites game?" Madison asks. "I don't know, they're super cute. Little weirdos though, they love playing around in trashcans. Why?"

"No reason," Kevin laughs like it's a perfectly normal thing to ask. "So how are you feeling?" he asks, softer. "Still exhausted?"

"Yeah, but I'm good." It's a small, white lie. The constant nausea isn't even the worst part. Madison simply isn't used to sitting still. She's always been a very active person, getting into sports from a young age, gymnastics and ballet and cheerleading when she was younger, running a few years back, always looking for something to _do_ , to _keep_ busy. Having to rest and stay in bed, or put her feet up on the coffee table all afternoon because a one-hour long errand got her feeling drained, isn't Madison's idea of fun. There are moments when she feels pretty miserable about it. But she's fine. Kevin will be back in a few days: they'll finish up on the preparations for the party, he'll move his things in, and life will be so busy Madison won't have time to wallow. She's good. "I was just having a chat with Nicky."

"Yeah? How is he doing?" Kevin asks. "I can't believe you talk more to him than I do. You bewitched him," he chuckles.

Madison can't help flushing. Did Kevin really talk to his uncle about her, like Nicky said? Is it the reason why Nicky seems to give into her so easily, coming for the party without her needing to even pout, taking her every call even if she's just calling to check on him? They barely know each other, after all, and Madison got the sense that Nicky isn't the kind to share if he doesn't want to. "He's good. I tried grilling him about his love life but he's good, he doesn't let anything slip. I wonder if we should ask your mom or Miguel if they have any friend we can introduce him to?"

Kevin lets out a low chuckle. "Only you," he laughs. "Only you would try to play matchmaker for a seventy-two year-old."

"Love is love is love, and all," Madison argues, smiling to herself. Nicky seems happy with his life, but the romantic in her, the part of her that feels so at peace with feeling cared for, wishes that for him, too. And who knows? Maybe he'll fly over to see the twins enough times that he might just meet someone here. Madison definitely would love to get to know him more.

Kevin's silent for a moment, Madison almost believes the line went dead. Then he says, softly, "Yeah." There's something in his voice, or in the way he lingers, that Madison can't quite put her finger on. "How are the mini papayas?"

"Jumping up and down my bladder. Or maybe they're wrestling, God only knows." Madison sighs. The extra weight on her hips and stomach takes its toll on her back, and the sudden shift in balance caused by her swollen belly makes yoga more tenuous than it was before. Seated positions are fine, but far are the days when Madison could do the tabletop without thinking twice about it. "I looked up some prenatal yoga classes, but maybe I should get them a spot in an early circus training program."

"The Pearson Twins Extraordinaire," Kevin laughs. "It has a nice ring to it. But, Jesus, don't take it the wrong way, but I hope our daughter _never_ gets as flexible as you are." Even over the phone, Madison can _hear_ him shudder. "I know we haven't talked about it - haven't talked about a lot, really - but how do you stand on not letting her date until she's thirty?"

Madison snorts. "You're such a typical male." If he were here she'd roll her eyes at him so hard.

"Yeah, guilty as charged," Kevin agrees easily. "But if she's as pretty as her mother, who could blame me?"

This time, Madison does roll her eyes. "Considering she's half you, and _you're_ the movie star, isn't that, like, patting yourself on the back for how pretty she will be?"

Kevin laughs, warm and inviting, Madison wishes he were here. "Hey, don't go and ruin my pick-up lines, okay? The twins are going to get all their wonderfulness from you. Now it's your turn to swoon."

Madison giggles. "Aww," she pretends to swoon. "Lay the movie star charm on me, Kevin Pearson. Real thick."

Even thousands of miles away, Madison can just picture him pouting from the sigh he lets out. "You're a tough one, Madison Simons."

"It's good for your ego," she teases him.

"Yeah, I can't argue with that," Kevin agrees, chuckling. Then, he adds, softer: "And how's the mama papaya? For real, this time, please."

_Damn him_ , Madison can't help thinking. Any other woman would feel blessed that her boyfriend is so caring and considerate he can see right through her carefully built walls, but Madison's never really been like anyone else, has she? And that's always been the problem.

She lets out a sigh as she exhales slowly, tucking her legs beneath her body as she curls on the couch, hugging a throw pillow to herself. "Okay. My back hurts, I feel like an old lady. And it is _not_ sexy to feel like you need to pee whenever you laugh or sneeze. I miss you and I wish you were here but I'm so nauseous all the time I'm scared I might just throw up on you while making-out. I'm scared you'll realize just how unsexy I am. And it doesn't help that the girl I'm planning this bachelorette party for is _stunning_. Like, drop dead gorgeous. She's the daughter of a model, and she's got those eyes you'd die for, and even if she were pregnant you know she'd still be the most beautiful woman on earth, and here I am, looking like a whale and waddling like a duck, and you've probably dated dozens of women looking like her and I don't _want_ to be this insecure, whiny girlfriend who compares herself to everybody else, but you're a movie star, Kevin. A _freaking movie star_ ," Madison spells it out for him as if he didn't know it. "You're out starring opposite Alex Vargas Suarez who's so freaking gorgeous, and you know what I did today? I watched videos on Youtube of prenatal yoga and fitball poses because I have tight hips and I keep wondering how I'm supposed to pop out two pumpkin-sized Pearson babies. Because you're huge, you know that? And your mom said you and Kate weren't even that small when you were born, and your mom has great hips, a natural baby slide, but my hips are narrow and my body's not made to make babies, and I'm scared to go to prenatal yoga classes because what if the teacher realizes it and tells me there's no fitball that'll help?" Madison is out of breath, and her eyes sting. This is exactly what she _didn't_ want Kevin to know. "Hormones suck," she concludes, her throat a bit raw.

Kevin's silent for a minute, the sound of his breathing the only proof he's still there. "Okay. Wow. That's a lot. Anyone would be...overwhelmed, I guess. Fuck. That's a lot," he says, and Madison can't help nodding her head along to his words. "But, uh...I'm here, whenever you need to...unpack. And I'm not gonna pretend there's anything I can do, and I've read too many girl magazines to know you women hate it when we try to fix your problems," Kevin says, and Madison can just picture it, Kevin picking up his latest girlfriend's magazines and reading it through, the thought is so funny she doesn't even make any comment on his _you women_ statement. "But I can listen. I'm trying to be a better listener, so...I'm _here_."

He's not, though, but it's sweet. Madison nods her head to herself, taking it all in. "Okay," she says at last. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Kevin says. "I'm happy to. It's half my fault you're in this state," he says lamely, chuckling a little.

Madison lets out a snort, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's one hundred percent your fault," she corrects him. "You and your magic sperm, fertilizing barren land."

Kevin half-laughs, half-chokes. "In a few years, I'm totally letting you tell the kids how babies are made," he says. Then, his voice turns gentler, softer. "I don't regret it, though. The babies and the hormones and you possibly throwing up on me. Especially if it means I get to kiss you again."

His voice is soft, but sure and firm. There's no doubt in Madison's mind that he loves these babies unconditionally already. But that he still wants her? "You still want to?" Madison asks, briefly puzzled by the utter lack of teasing in his tone. Kevin's not joking around, or flirting. He's telling her he wants her even after she told him all these things about her, all the thoughts racing in her brain, laying them bare for him to see.

That's never happened to her before - someone choosing to stay for her.

Kevin's breath hitches. If he were here she'd wrap her fingers around his bobbing Adam's apple, or trail kisses down the column of his throat. At this point Madison would just eat him up, that's how much she wants him. "Fuck, yeah. All the time," he breathes. "I'm trying to concentrate on work but all I've been doing is daydreaming about you during breaks, we had to reshoot this scene three times because I just couldn't wipe off the smile on my face. Apparently it's not appropriate to be smiling during a death scene," he laughs warmly.

"Alex's character dies?" Madison asks, stunned. "Major spoiler alert!" she scolds him.

"Not her," Kevin says. "And totally not the point here." She can just feel his grin, wolfish and lustful. "When I get back it's you and me and your green nightdress. Nothing else for a solid twenty-four hours. No phones, no answering the door. And I'm making you that veggie lasagna you liked so much."

Madison's fingers clench around the pillow she's hugging. She doesn't know what's the biggest turn-on for her, Kevin or the lasagna, or the idea of Kevin being at her beck and call, ready to please her in any way he can. And he's doing so much already, reassuring her, listening to her, reaffirming his desire for her. For a man that fate or destiny or life, whatever, forced on her, he's the first one who's so unafraid and unapologetic about wanting her, for who she is and not only what she can bring him.

"I can't wait," she tells him, feeling her heart beat erratically against her ribcage. "Three more days."

"Three more days."

* * *

Madison's very aware of just how much of a cliché she is in that moment, wearing a shirt Kevin forgot one night he slept over and that she washed for him, and watching old reruns of _The Manny_.

It's not her fault, though. The evening is thickly warm, with no air, and the oversized shirt dwarfs her despite the stretch of her belly, it feels nice, clothes not clinging to her sweaty skin. She's found an old pair of shorts from her cheerleader days at the back of her wardrobe, the fabric worn and with holes here and there, a faded _Tigers_ logo, and only holding onto her hips by a piece of string that's seen better days. But the ensemble is comfy, and that's what Madison was looking for.

She curls on the couch, flicking through the channels for something to watch while she keeps looking for a midwife, when she stumbles upon an old _Manny_ episode. She's always loved the show despite not being a hardcore fan, but she recognizes it as a good one (Kevin's character comforts one of the children he's looking after as the girl laments her father never being there, which leads him to borrow some clothes and dress up as the girl's dad to make her smile) and, well, Kevin's not there, so getting him on her screen is the next big thing.

Her phone buzzes with a text.

_Lauren_

_8.15pm_

_H-24!!! Are you excited????_

Madison laughs, though her cheeks do burn a little. Kevin's coming home the following night, which has sent her sister into a frenzy, impatient and excited at the idea of the upcoming tale of their reunion. Needless to say, Kate is far less enthusiastic and has made Madison promise to never tell her anything about their sex life again.

_Madison_

_8.17pm_

_Nervous, mostly??? It's much easier to sound fun and sexy and confident over the phone, but what if the fantasy doesn't live up to the reality?_

_Lauren_

_8.20pm_

_Are we doubting Kevin Pearson's magic dick?_

_Madison_

_8.21pm_

_*We* are not doubting him, Laurie!!!_

_Lauren_

_8.25pm_

_We are certainly not doubting you, either, Maddie._

_Lauren_

_8.26pm_

_You're under no obligation to perform earth-shattering sex tomorrow night. Unless you want to. And feel comfortable. No pressure. Just enjoy the moment. Go with the flow._

_Madison_

_8.30pm_

_You sound like a love song from the 90s. Or a Bruno Mars sex song._

_Lauren_

_8.33pm_

_You're welcome for the *get it on* playlist._

Madison shakes her head, dropping her phone in the cushions while she grabs for her laptop and resumes looking at the list of midwives Dr. Mason gave her. She's still somewhat nervous about meeting someone else and having to start from the beginning again, but Madison's thought about what he said, and how useful it could be to have someone on call she can talk to more easily than she does Dr. Mason. She's checking some of their websites when her phone buzzes again, with an incoming call this time.

"Come on, Laurie, let it go," she answers, her eyes still on her laptop screen.

"Not Laurie," Kevin's voice surprises her. "What did Lauren do this time?" he asks, laughing.

"Oh, Kevin, hi," Madison greets him, feeling embarrassed and flustered in half a second. "Sorry, I was just texting with her, I thought she was - never mind." She reaches for the TV remote, lowering the sound so Kevin doesn't hear himself on screen. "So how's your last night in Atlanta? Are you guys going out for dinner or something?"

"No, we went last night. Alex was done shooting and she wanted to go home as soon as she could," he tells her. "So I'm all alone in my hotel room, thinking about you..."

He lingers, and Madison's skin flushes deeper. It's crazy how responsive she is with him, even over the phone. "Poor you," she laughs.

"What are you wearing?"

Madison looks down at herself, biting her lip not to laugh. She's the very epitome of _not_ -sexy right now. "Some sexy, silk thing, with high heels, obviously," Madison says languidly, putting her hand over her mouth not to openly crack up. "I'm channeling my inner Gabrielle Solis."

"No fair," Kevin groans. "I wish I were here."

"Me, too," Madison breathes. As nervous as she is, she wants to see him more. A knock at the door startles her. Madison eyes the front door, stunned. Then she frowns at her phone like it's personally responsible. "Kevin?"

"Yeah?" His voice comes out harsh, like he's breathing a little harder.

Madison stands, still eyeing the door. "You're not at my front door, are you?" she asks, almost trembling with excitement.

"Only one way to find out," Kevin says, then hangs up.

There's another knock, and Madison feels her heart pounding against her chest, almost jumping out of her body. Kevin can't be here. His plane is supposed to be landing tomorrow night; she _knows_ , because she asked him if he wanted her to pick him up, her mind conjuring up the visual of her running to him and throwing herself at him, prime-minister _Love Actually_ style.

Her fingers are trembling around the doorknob as she opens the door to find Kevin standing there, his suitcase at his feet, a huge bunch of field flowers in hand, dandelions and lilac and buttercups and daisies, a feel of déjà-vu overpowering her. "Kevin," she speaks his name in a low whisper. "What - what are you doing here?"

Kevin lowers the flowers and reaches for a paper bag on top of his suitcase. "I thought about going home and making you lasagna myself, but then I figured it'd be getting too late and you might be asleep," he says, "so I stopped at Vincenti's first. And if you've already had dinner that's okay, we can just keep it for tomorrow. I just - I really wanted to see you, and -"

The nervousness goes away upon seeing just how utterly adorable he gets, standing there with his flowers and sweet smile, expecting nothing but to please her. Madison tugs him inside by the front of his shirt, pulling until Kevin gets the hint and leans down to meet her eager lips. She feels like an eager puppy again, no grace or skill to the way her mouth moves against his, only yearning. Kevin drops the flowers and take-out bag to the floor and cups her face, kissing her hungrily. It doesn't feel the same as the first time, on that first night, when his kisses had felt like tossing a bottle into the sea, seeking a connection, hoping to get known and found. Now it's hunger and desperation and desire _for_ her, not just anyone, guiding his every move; his fingers slipping into her hair, holding her chin as he tips it up to angle her face and kiss her more deeply; her name, torn in a groan against her mouth; or the way he runs the back of his fingers against her cheek, a soft, but wholly possessive touch.

It's lust and yearning and something more, a craving that Madison feels, too, and not just because of the hormones, or because her body hums and throbs, remembering how his feels. It's because it's Kevin, and she loves him in a way she might not be able to define yet, but she does, and she wants him more than she's embarrassed or scared of whether or not she's good enough for him.

She lowers from her tiptoes, her lips already swollen and red from his kisses. "Welcome home," Madison says lamely, pointlessly brushing her hand through her hair to fix it.

She reaches for his suitcase, still waiting on her front porch, but Kevin stops her, grabbing for his things himself. "I got you something," he says, his voice still hoarse as he closes the door behind him.

Madison stops him as he makes to open his suitcase, grabbing his hand and dragging him with her into the den. "Not right now," she says, aiming for confident and breezy and sexy. "You and me and nothing else for twenty-four hours, remember? Or was that just another pick-up line?"

The look in Kevin's eyes is positively feral as he takes her in, messy hair and red lips and rosy cheeks, and backs her against the dining table. His hands are hot and heavy on her bare skin as he lifts her and sits her there, back where he'd initiated that fierce kiss that had left Madison wanting more despite being too afraid to pursue it a few weeks back. Now though, Madison's too far gone to be scared.

Kevin palms down her ass, strokes her thighs as he tugs at her legs, bringing her to the very edge of the table as he steps in between her legs. "I'm a man of my word," he swears, his fingers toying with the string of her shorts.

* * *

_to be continued_


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin shrugs as he rearranges a pillow or two and gently nudges at her shoulder, pushing her so she lies down. With the extra boost from the pillows, her back gets the support she needs, and she can somewhat see beyond her baby bump. 
> 
> "You can't send sexy pictures to a man and not expect him to start planning and researching the best pregnancy sex positions, Madison," he tells her like it's obvious. "I'm a method actor, you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we go, celebrating 100k! god, this story got so long of its own volition!! and, of course, kevin and madison's big reunion! enjoy almost 8k of pure, unadulterated smut. they deserved it. :)
> 
> another reminder to tell me what's on your mind! comments are what make us write.

Madison sucks in a breath as Kevin's fingers trace the faded _Tigers_ logo on her shorts. "Is that -" His voice takes on that awed edge, still coming out a bit raspy. The sound only has goosebumps blooming on her arms. "You don't play _fair_ , Madison."

She shrugs one shoulder, still feeling her cheeks go red. "It's not the sexy, silk thing I promised," she says, remembering her earlier blatant lie, and the pictures she sent him the week before. "I hope it still works."

Kevin shakes his head, then dips his mouth to kiss her, laughing. He's grinning against her lips and Madison nips at the bow of his upper lip. "This is so much better," he murmurs, his hand stroking the curve of her thigh, then up her waist, the tips of his fingers brushing the underside of her breast. His eyes are at a lazy half-mast, a glittering glimpse of dark, molten brown. "My shirt and your cheerleader shorts. You're, like, all of my fantasies since I was seventeen years-old coming true."

"Don't forget the pumpkin-sized belly," Madison snorts. "It's the sexiest part of the whole attire." Kevin kisses her again then, deeper this time, with the kind of unchecked passion that demands equal fire from her. So Madison gives into it, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down closer, as close as she can with her ever-growing bump. Several days' growth of stubble darken his strong jaw and cheeks, almost distracting Madison from his firm mouth as she strokes her fingers down the sides of his face. "For the movie?" she asks in between kisses.

Kevin nods, trailing a fiery path down her ear and neck with his lips, his scruff tickling her sensitive skin. It sends heat pooling low in her belly instantly, and Madison squeezes her knees around his hips. "Yeah," he says, low, against the base of her throat. "You like?"

Madison would like to know how it feels against the rest of her body, then shivers at the thought. "Yeah," she pants as Kevin keeps kissing down, pushing the collar of her - his - shirt to kiss down her sternum, tasting the upper curves of her breasts. "I like everything about you," she says, more earnest than she intended.

It's true, though. She likes the way his brown eyes darken, heat and desire pooling in them; or the way his fingers curl and plow in her hair, holding her head as he kisses her, making her ache for his hands to touch her all over. She likes the way one word or one lingering look from him can send a current of pleasure sweeping across her body, making her cling to him as the only steady thing in the dizziness. She likes the feel of his scruff beneath her palm, the scent of his cologne, the strong flex of muscles beneath her hands as she runs them over his arms and back. But above all she loves that it's _Kevin_ making her feel like this, wanting her like this.

Madison loves the way he looks at her like she's the most beautiful woman on earth, like the extra weight doesn't matter - if anything, it turns him on even _more_ , considering the way he slides his hands down her sides, then tentatively slips them beneath the hem of her shirt, just barely grazing her skin, asking for permission. "Can I?"

The idea of him seeing her stomach makes Madison almost recoil from his touch. But Kevin's eyes are so soft, so gentle, and the lights in the den are low, and he's not asking to take off her shirt now, is he? Her hands drift to the sides of his neck, and she tangles her fingers in his short hair. The knot in her stomach tightens even more at the mere brush of his fingers, the sensation of pinpricks tingling her chest, drawing her nipples taut as if he'd touched her there. She focuses her gaze somewhere around his chin, unable to look him in the eye. "Leave the shirt on, please," she whispers.

Kevin brushes his nose against hers, kissing her slowly, softly. "As you wish," he says gently. "We can work around that," he adds, his hot mouth dropping to the underside of her jaw, trailing kisses on the way down. His thumbs skim her abdomen lightly, fanning softly over her heated flesh, then he presses them to her navel. "I like how soft you are here," he says reverently. He cups her swollen belly with his open palm, his fingers softly stroking over the rougher patches of skin where stretch marks have begun to mar her lower belly.

Madison can't help the slight shudder that goes through her. Kevin notices, and the fingers of his free hand go to the small of her back, lightly caressing there, soothing and comforting. "I hate the stretch marks," Madison confesses, feeling the burning in her eyes and hating herself for it. She wanted to be sexy for him, take a page from his book of self-confidence, be the fun, assertive woman she'd been five months ago, the woman who'd taken him home and let him play her like a violin, seeing her and touching her in ways she hadn't let anyone else in a while, allowing herself to touch him and enjoy him too. Instead she feels awkward and clinical, seeing herself through the lens of her flaws despite Kevin's obvious attraction for her.

Kevin frowns, his brows furrowing together. "Tell me how to make you feel better," he asks, lifting his hand to her face and stroking her cheek. "I want to make you feel good."

He's sweet, so achingly sweet, and Madison loves him for it. There's no making her feel good about the ugly scars on her belly though, so Madison redirects his focus, putting her hand over his and moving it down to shape the heavy fall of her breast. Kevin's breath hitches; he hesitates for a second, locking his eyes with her, asking for permission and certainty before flicking his thumb over the hardened tip of her breast over the fabric of her shirt.

A moan slips past her lips, a husky sound of need, her spine arching sharply to meet his hand. His answering groan makes the hot ache between her legs intensify, and helps her grow a little more confident; Madison runs a single fingertip from the hollow of his throat to the top of his belt, hooking her fingers in it as she pulls him closer. She presses her hand against the hard bulge beneath his zipper, and Kevin kisses her, hot and heavy and hungry as he finally starts moving his hand, stroking and kneading her breast. She answers in kind, rubbing her hand against his erection, and Kevin's fingers dig into her collarbone, seeking support as he rocks his hips into her, panting in her ear.

_That's it_ , Madison thinks, this is what she wants - Kevin wild for her, the woman behind the mother, _Madison_ beneath the fantasy life he's been dreaming about. She wants him to want her as much as she does him, electricity running down her body, to the tips of her fingers and toes, humming and buzzing for his touch. He cups the side of her neck and buries his nose in her hair, breathing her in as he rolls her nipple between his fingers, knowing exactly when to circle and flick and pinch, teasing the promise of more. She never used to be this sensitive before, needing more than experienced hands to feel good, but now the merest, lightest touch sends her aflame. Or perhaps it's just Kevin.

Madison moans, louder this time, like a plea, covering his hand with hers as she moves it to her other breast. Kevin takes the hint, good soldier gladly following orders, reporting for duty. He mouths at her nipple through the cotton, teasing her other breast with his fingers, and Madison's head falls back in pleasure. She feels Kevin's hands moving to her back, then down to her ass, cupping each cheek and squeezing as he presses into her, lips and teeth and tongue mapping a blazing trail along the column of her throat. Despite her bump he manages to press into her everywhere, his toned stomach against her bump, his body curving around hers, his hands at her back pushing her closer, tighter against his erection. When he slips his hand beneath the elastic band of her shorts, fitting his fingers just above the lace of her panties and slowly stroking a finger along her, Madison keens, one hand shooting up to anchor herself to him, fingers clenching around his shoulder while her other hand still supports her on the table, knuckles turning white as fingers grip the wooden edge.

Kevin's finger glides easily with how hot for him she already is. "Tell me what feels good, yeah?" he marvels, slipping his hand beneath the lace this time. When the calloused tips of his fingers find her clit, Madison's eyes flutter shut on their own.

She'd imagined that a man like Kevin, famous and handsome and who was perfectly aware of it, would be somewhat selfish in bed, taking what he wanted because he could, and, really, because women lined up to give him just that. Back on that first night he'd proven her _so_ wrong, focusing on her pleasure like a man on a mission, so obviously into it and into her as if she were the best thing he'd ever tasted, and finding what felt good _very_ easily. With the simplest touch he could take her from sober to completely intoxicating.

The feeling is even more exacerbated now; he drags a finger across her, tracking a slow, deliciously torturous line along her core, and Madison's hips buck into his hand, seeking more. More friction, more of him, just - _more_. "This - this is good," she whimpers, breathing heavily against his mouth as she kisses him. "But I need to see you," she adds, frenzied hands fisting the hem of his shirt, lifting it up to expose his taut abdomen. Kevin obliges, pulling his hand away just long enough for Madison to tug his shirt off and throw it to the floor. She can't help biting her lip at the sight of his naked, toned chest. "God, you're so out of my league."

It comes out in a sigh, half awe, half soft exasperation. Kevin is just too much sometimes, almost six feet three of pure, unadulterated male, body sculpted by exercise and a metabolism gifted by the gods. Madison can't help touching him, dragging her fingers through the soft hair at his chest, down his hard abs. Kevin stops her as her hands start working on the buckle of his belt. "Not from where I'm standing," he says, smooth but honest, Madison can tell from the reverence in his tone and the softness of his fingers as he brushes them against her face.

He kisses her then, soft, softer than before, like he's waiting for her to catch up on something, to believe him, and relax into this. His fingers are gentle as they sift through her hair, massaging her scalp, angling her head this way to kiss her deeper, surer. Madison melts; opens her mouth to his, tugs at his necklace to bring him closer as she runs her hands from his neck to his back, enjoying the feel of muscles shifting and flexing beneath her palms as he moves. By the time Kevin's fingers dip beneath her underwear again she's like putty in his hands, ecstatically giddy and pliant, a live wire under his touch.

"Kevin..."

He runs his free hand over her stomach as a finger strokes down her slit, teasing at her entrance. "Call me a freak, but I'm obsessed with your body," he whispers, sliding his finger in to the first knuckle experimentally. "This good?"

"Mmh, yeah," Madison moans, digging her fingers into his hips as hers shoot up. "Go - go slow, it's been a while, but...feels so good," she hisses through her teeth.

He knows there hasn't been anyone since him, she told him at the hospital in St. Louis, but only then does it strike Madison that she's gone _five months_ without his touch, without anyone else touching her like this, and though sex has never felt like a need before, it does _now_. More than sex, it's this feeling she's craving - laying herself bare for him, flaws and flushed skin and all, and knowing Kevin accepts her, wants her like this, flawed but real. The safety of intimacy. Not knowing where his body ends and hers begin. Not wanting to know.

He cups her breast, feeling its weight; runs his hand down the curve of her waist, rubs open-palmed over her belly. "I love all your curves," he says, adoration clear and obvious in his voice. "You're so beautiful." He pushes his finger in and crooks, stroking her, dropping soft pecks to her blushing cheeks. His thumb draws lazy circles around her clit, soft, teasing, so good Madison's hands reach for his belt again, caught between wanting to make him feel good too, and getting him inside her.

He lets her undo the belt and zipper this time, and grunts when she slips her hand inside. Madison wraps her fingers around him, tight around the base like she knows he likes. It sends a thrill through her, knowing that about him; knowing that a few strokes up, tight and a bit rough, will have him going wild and ready in no time.

Kevin groans low in his throat, kissing her messily as he redoubles his efforts, slowly slicking another finger and stroking her. It's a tighter fit and Madison bites on her lip, keening. Kevin peppers kisses down her face, the side of her jaw, her closed lids, and Madison has to force herself to focus on him to remember to move her hand. She lets out the softest sigh of satisfaction as she feels him swell in her hand, and reaches for his jeans, tugging them down his hips.

Kevin's fingers tighten at her waist, pressing into her heated flesh. His thumb latches onto her clit with more vigor, and her back bows. Kevin's breath is hot against her ear as he pants, teeth nipping lightly at her earlobe. "You have to know there hasn't been anyone else since you," he says, almost out of breath as he thrusts into her fist and keeps circling her clit with his thumb, drawing it out, rubbing it just right Madison sees stars.

But it's his words that have her toppling over the edge, every muscle in her body aching with tension as the heavy heat coiling low in her belly washes a wave of pleasure over her. She lets go of him and reaches for his shoulders instead, holding onto him as she feels the clench and release ripple deep inside. "You - really?" she asks, her voice torn and hoarse as Kevin keeps stroking her through her orgasm. "It was - five -"

"No one else since you, and no one else from now on," Kevin assures her as he strokes his hand down her inner thigh, his other hand coming up to crawl up the sensitive skin too as he hooks his thumbs into her shorts and pulls. Madison has to lean down onto her hands to raise her hips and help him, and Kevin makes the most of it to drag her underwear down her legs, too, peppering kisses down her thighs and legs as he does. Coming back up, Kevin spreads her legs and settles between them, then rocks into the cradle of her thighs, the head of his cock bumping against the rise of her clit, a low grunt escaping his throat. "I want you. Only you."

She can feel that, but more than the hot press of his erection against her still sensitive core, it's the absolute certainty in Kevin's voice that she believes in. He leans down, kissing her, gentle but full of need, the soft, tender way he touches her telling her he's longed for this like she has. That he's missed her.

Madison pulls away from his kiss, cupping his face with her hands, her thumbs idly drawing circles on his cheeks. Despite the heat in her own cheeks, she makes herself look him in the eye. "Me, too. God, I need you. I want you so much."

"Yeah?" Kevin's eyes are shiny and dazed. He leans into her, kissing the spot just below her ear. "Favorite sex position? You've _got_ to tell me now."

Madison giggles, so hard she snorts, so loud she forgets to feel embarrassed about being half-naked on her dining table with Kevin hot and bare between her knees. "You're ridiculous," she tells him, tilting her head down so she can nip at his ear in retaliation. "I want you. Any way I can." She pulls his head up, sifting her fingers through his hair as she sucks at his collarbone, soothing the hurt with her tongue. "I just need to feel you inside me right now."

"God, you talk pretty."

Madison leans back, resting her weight with her hands behind her back as she feels Kevin's hands wrapping around her thighs. She barely has time to register his intention before he drops to his knees and she feels his tongue tracing a wet line along her inner thigh, then tasting her.

"Kevin!"

Kevin flicks his tongue across her folds again, and Madison leans down even further, resting on her propped elbows. He's going to be the death of her if he keeps going, the man has no mercy on the poor, horny pregnant woman she is. He licks her, tasting her, first with soft, teasing flicks of his tongue, then steady circles around her clit. Madison feels her thighs starting to shake, but another feeling starts at the small of her back, something caught between a cramp and needles pricking her flesh, Madison thumps her hand on the table, calling out his name.

"What?" Kevin asks as he pulls away, his tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. "Did I - did I do something wrong?" he asks, his eyes growing wider with fear. "Did I -"

"No, no," Madison reassures him as she struggles to push herself to sit straighter. Kevin rises to his feet and helps her, looping an arm around her middle and pulling her to him. He looks wild and deliciously outrageous with his jeans and boxers down, it's Madison's turn to lick her lips at the sight of him. It's simply obscene for one person to be this hot. "It's just..."

The last time they'd done this, Kevin had pinned her to the wall just outside her bedroom, kissing her with abandon, like he didn't have a care in the world but to make her cry out, his deft fingers taking care of the button and zipper of her jeans and slipping inside, finding her wet and ready. He'd teased her while smiling against her mouth, then discarded her shirt and kissed and nipped his way down her sternum and stomach to between her legs. Back then, her stomach had been flat, and Kevin could reach out to wrap his fingers around her hipbone, or knead her breast, stroking the soft skin of her belly as he tasted her, and Madison could watch him, knees buckling under the wave of pleasure and eyes almost rolling as the back of her head thumped against the wall. Now with the size of her bump she can't see him, can't reach out to tangle her fingers in his hair; it takes too much of an effort to push her hips into him from her semi lying-down position, and her back hurts against the wooden table. At this point she probably has less grace and agility than an eighty year-old woman in a retiring home, and _they_ have the highest STD rate.

"My back," Madison says lamely, blowing some piece of hair with her sighing. "It just feels uncomfortable, lying down like this."

"Oh," Kevin says, softly chuckling. "I thought I had - you know, hurt you or poked the papayas awake or something." He pulls his jeans up, then reaches for her hand. "Do you want to move this to the bedroom?"

Her mattress is plushy and her pregnancy pillow is there, the perfect boost, but Madison shakes her head. "Now that we've already defiled my dining table, we might as well go all the way and christen it for good," she shrugs, aiming for sexy and casual.

It seems to work because Kevin cups her face with both his hands, kissing her fiercely. It's a bit weird, getting a taste of herself on his tongue, but he kisses her like he can't imagine not to, and Madison can't imagine that, either. Can't imagine ever doing anything else but kiss him and touch him and feel him all around her, his scent and his taste drowning all her senses.

Kevin pulls away reluctantly and Madison groans, which makes him grin, the fool. "Gonna get you some pillows," he says. He all but fetches all the throw pillows on the couch and brings them back, arranging them behind her. "Up, up," he commands, fitting a pillow underneath her hips. "I read on _Cosmopolitan_ that it offers that extra _oomph_ ," he explains.

Madison cocks an eyebrow at him, caught between being amused and once again, so very turned-on by how adorable he is. "You read _Cosmopolitan_ now?" she asks, bemused and curious.

Kevin shrugs as he rearranges a pillow or two and gently nudges at her shoulder, pushing her so she lies down. With the extra boost from the pillows, her back gets the support she needs, and she can somewhat see beyond her baby bump. "You can't send sexy pictures to a man and not expect him to start planning and researching the best pregnancy sex positions, Madison," he tells her like it's obvious. "I'm a method actor, you know."

And he shows her just how method he is as he kisses his way down, kissing her mouth until Madison has to pant for air, then between her breasts as he pulls at the neck of her shirt; he skims his lips over her belly, above the fabric, then presses a soft, tender kiss to the underside of her bump as he reaches his final destination. He nips and nibbles at the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, and his scruff strokes and pricks at her skin, sending a new wave of pleasure through her. It feels better than she's fantasized, a tingling sensation that only adds to the ebbing and flowing tide of bliss his lips and tongue bring her. Kevin bends her knee, opening her to him, then props one of her legs over his shoulder. He places his big hands on the inside of her thighs, and Madison writhes and moans in expectation.

Kevin strokes the flat of his tongue against her folds at a leisurely pace, testing and tasting her, humming against her flesh. "God, I missed how sweet you taste here," he says, the heat in his voice making Madison's thighs quiver. He curls his fingers around her thigh, stilling her, as he focuses the tip of his tongue on her clit.

Madison pushes up to her elbows, just enough to watch him. Kevin's eyes are closed as his head bobs up and down between her legs, and Madison's torn between reaching for him, to feel closer to him, and touching her breasts, her hardened nipples calling for attention. It's crazy, how sensitive she is, her whole body hotwired to react to his every touch.

Kevin runs a finger along her slit, building up to it by slowly pushing it in to the rhythm of his tongue lapping up lazily at her clit. "Kevin," Madison says his name in a plea. She's not above begging, not when he feels so good, and she needs more. "Don't - don't tease."

Kevin presses open-mouthed kisses to her thigh, the back of her knee, then up her body, the underside of her belly, pushing up the fabric of her shirt to kiss at her navel. "Not teasing," he says as he pushes up her body, nipping just under her chin as he keeps the steady motion of his finger inside her, adding another. "Just making sure you remember the number of orgasms right this time."

He's grinning up at her smugly, like a wolf who knows he's been gladly invited into the sheep pen. Madison doesn't have the energy to scold him, not when she wants the same thing. Besides, behind the smugness there's the obvious tenderness, Kevin making sure that she's enjoying herself, putting her first, and really, when was the last time a man has so visibly enjoyed himself while going down on her?

Madison knows the exact day. January 16th, this very, same man who's currently swirling his tongue around her clit like he's addicted to making her come undone. Madison rocks her hips against his face with a loud moan, already feeling herself getting close again. Shakily, she draws herself to rest on her elbow and reaches for him, weakly tugging at his hair to pull him up to her. She sighs at the warmth of Kevin's cheek as he lays it against her thigh, his hot breath fanning over her skin. "Come up here," she tells him.

Kevin runs his tongue teasingly along her folds one last time and is rewarded with a quiet gasp before he follows her directions and rises. Madison paws at him eagerly, hands flying to his jeans once again. "Eager for something, babe?" he teases her. The pet name alone creates another flood of wetness between her legs.

"You, you idiot," Madison whines as she pushes herself to the edge of the table and tries to push his jeans down at the same time. She fails miserably; her sweaty skin slides against the pillow he's put under her hips, and Kevin pulls away, just out of reach.

"I'm not done taking care of you," he shakes his head, his much bigger hands wrapping easily around her wrists and pulling them away from him. Madison cants her hips up, trying to rub herself against the hard bulge in his jeans, and the friction caused by the denim makes her cry out. Kevin grunts, rocking into her, then presses his forehead against hers. "You're making it hard not to bury myself inside you right now," he only half-heartedly complains.

"You expect me to be sorry about that?" she asks him, cocky, more so than she thought possible in this situation, when he's keeping her hovering there until she's about to lose her damn mind. "It's a win/win situation for both of us."

Kevin strokes his hand down her belly, back between her legs. His fingers are thicker and blunter than hers, and the extra stretch when he pushes two into her makes her hips jerk involuntarily, her heels scrabbling for purchase as Madison loops her legs behind him, trapping him there. Kevin bumps his nose against her, nuzzling his face against her temple. "I've been dreaming of being back between your legs for a month. Give me just a couple more minutes," he pleads. He pumps his fingers in and out a few times, then turns his palm upward, curling his fingers as he strokes. Madison's pretty sure that the added feel of his tongue on her might just kill her.

It's an enticing offer, though.

" _Goddammit_ ," she curses, throwing her head back at the onslaught of sensations. Kevin makes the most of it to suck down her throat, trailing his tongue down to her sternum, rubbing his scruff against the slope of her breast as he pulls at the fabric of her shirt again. Madison threads her fingers in his hair, pushing his head down, away from her chest. "Okay, two minutes."

"Thank you, ma'am," Kevin says mockingly, and Madison almost hits him behind the back of the head but he parts her folds with long, languid strokes of his tongue, and any protest dies on her lips.

Sitting straight like this, Madison can watch him at work, and he's a sight to see, devouring her like he's been starving for her for a month like he said. She tangles her fingers in his hair, guiding his head this way or that, begging for more pressure, or for him to keep going just like that. "Oh my God," she cries out when he slides his hands beneath her ass, pulling her closer as he all but delves his tongue inside her. Madison can't help grinding herself against him, and Kevin's hands move up to her hips, holding them firmly to still her. A full-body shiver goes through her as Kevin focuses his efforts on her clit again, rubbing his fingers down her slit, and slicking them back inside.

For a moment, everything shuts down: the impending surge of embarrassment at letting Kevin do this, the impulse to squeeze her thighs shut and cover herself up. The first wave of her second orgasm breaks inside as a rush of raw, primal heat, and then her whole body goes into this one, her walls squeezing down hard on Kevin's fingers. He keeps sucking at the swollen bud, drawing his tongue over the sensitive rise of her clit again and again, dragging it out, until Madison's fingers start tugging painfully at his hair, begging for mercy.

"Fuck, you're so hot," Kevin murmurs against the sensitive skin of her throat as he worries the delicate flesh with his teeth, drawing a shallow gasp from Madison. "I love how fucking responsive you are." Slowly, he pulls his fingers away, rubbing them against his jeans before cupping her face again. He sucks her earlobe into his mouth, nibbling at it. "I've been wanting to do that since that night you told me you'd never made out on your dining table."

Madison arches into him with a throaty laugh, feeling a flush spread all over her cheeks and chest again. "I - I didn't mean that..." She runs a shaky hand through her hair; it sticks to her temple, and Kevin helps, brushing it away from her face and pressing soft, feather-light kisses along her jaw. "God, I can't believe you just ate me out like that."

She feels his shoulders shrug beneath her hands as she holds onto him for support. "Well, it _is_ a dining room, after all," he says, smug and confident like she loves, and her cheeks burn even more at the sight of Kevin licking his lips, still wet from her. "Point me to any flat surface you haven't tried before, and I'll be happy to oblige."

Madison snorts, hitting him against his arm. "You - you're too much, you know that?" she says, breathless. "For real, if the real actor thing doesn't pan out, you have a great career in porn ahead of you." He chuckles, and she runs her hands over his chest, his broad shoulders, down to his jeans that she pushes down, meaning it this time. She runs her feet down his legs to push them down, and watches Kevin as he steps out of them, all gloriously naked, and now Madison feels like she's the wolf, teeth digging in her bottom lip at the sight. "Mmh, yeah, you're the whole porn package," she nods to herself.

Kevin laughs, and even does half a spin to show off. "That'd be a cool story to tell the kids, right? How Mommy convinced Daddy to start a career in porn." His laugh dies down when she reaches for him, wrapping her hand around the base of his cock and slowly starting to stroke upward. "Hmpf. Give a guy a warning, woman," he moans, one hand reaching out to hold the edge of the table, the other squeezing at her waist.

Madison giggles, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before trailing a path down his temple. "Like you warned me before? I'm gonna need to call all the women you've dated before to thank them. Maybe some handwritten notes. Because, God..."

Kevin's forehead drops to her shoulder, his breathing heavy and choked. It's an enormous stroke to her ego to know she can do this to him; that the first time wasn't a fluke or a mistake, that he'd really wanted _her_ , not just somebody to forget and lose himself into for a few hours. She tightens her fingers around his shaft, twisting her hand to shift the angle to add more pressure, and Kevin grunts in her ear. "Does - does that feel good?" she asks him innocently. "Should I read _Cosmopolitan_ for more tips?"

Kevin bites her collarbone, panting against her skin. "You evil genius," he says in a moan. He lifts his hand to cup her breast, flicking his thumb over her hard nipple in a circular motion, and Madison keens.

She redoubles her efforts, but in this position she doesn't have the best angle. Kevin thrusts into her tight fist, and Madison guides him so he's brushing against her core, coating his cock with her slick. Her fingers glide more easily up and down, and she runs the pad of her thumb over the head, spreading the pre-come that's leaking there. With her free hand Madison tries to reach lower, but her bump is in the way, and she lets out a low, exasperated sigh.

Kevin tilts his face up to her, eyes heavy-lidded with lust and the slightest hint of curiosity. "What's wrong?" he asks her, his voice so hoarse the words almost come out torn.

"I'm a whale and I can't even touch you the way I want to," Madison whines, her mouth forming a pout. "What does _Cosmopolitan_ say about interspecies sex?"

Kevin chuckles under his breath, his fingers stroking up the soft skin of her thigh. "You're ridiculous," he says, wrapping his free hand around hers, adding pressure to her up and down motion. "And you're _perfect_. Jesus, I need to feel you around me."

It's what she wants, too, but now Madison feels a bit annoyed with herself. He's made her writhe and shake and come apart twice already, and her belly is getting in the way of her reciprocating the way she wants to - which, she realizes, isn't something she's usually particularly fond of, but things are different with Kevin. Most men are, _well_ , _men_ , and Madison's never felt sexy or turned on by a guy pulling on her hair to guide her head, or wanting her to put on a show out of it. If she's honest, she's never really felt comfortable with oral sex, either on the giving or receiving end; it's always felt like too much pressure to either perform or reach ecstasy, and Madison's always felt guilty when she couldn't.

With Kevin though, she wouldn't mind feeling his fingers threading through her hair, and making him moan and buck into her. With him there isn't a lot she wouldn't want.

He groans again, a deep rumble in his chest, his eyes closed under the touch of both their hands working on his cock. Madison snaps back into focus and grips his hip with her other hand, pulling him closer until she can guide the head into her.

Kevin stops her, bracing himself with one arm. "Wait, stop. Condoms. We have a history of condom misuse."

"I really can't get any more pregnant, Kevin," Madison laughs fondly, kissing him. "And you don't want to know about all the tests a woman has to go through during her pregnancy, but I'm clean. And I trust that you get tested after all your dozens of women."

"Hey, _you're_ my one woman now," he says, then nods his head. "I'm clean too. You didn't give me anything last time except enough memories for a decade of sex dreams."

"Charmer."

"You love it, baby." He settles more firmly between her legs, rubbing the head of his cock against her before slowly pushing in, gently thrusting into her little by little. "You tell me if I hurt you, okay?" he asks, concern laced in his tone.

Madison struggles to nod her head, her neck stretching back at the feel of him. The stretch burns a little, riding right on the edge of pleasure of finally having him inside her and pain from how tight it feels now. It must show on her features because Kevin stops moving entirely, his hands leaving her hips to cup her face. "Hey, Madison. Look at me."

She does, and she stands by what she said before: she's never seen someone so hot and vulnerable at the same time. "Don't stop," Madison pleads. "It just - go slow, okay? _Slower_. I just need a minute to..."

"Slower. Okay, sure," Kevin nods, dropping an open-mouthed kiss to her shoulder as he starts moving again, slowly, inch by inch, watching her face as he lets her adjust to the intrusion. "You're sure I'm not hurting you? I can't hurt the babies, can I?"

Madison shakes her head. She breathes in and out slowly, trying to remember the pamphlet she read on the benefits of prenatal yoga. Stretching is supposed to help relieve aching joints and lower back pain, reduce muscle tension, increase flexibility and help her relax. Sex with Kevin _can_ achieve all of that too. Although she's always been flexible, he sure helped her widen her horizons with those hip-opening stretches he added to her sex routine. "Maybe try -" She opens her knee, and Kevin gets the message, locking his elbow under her knee and holding her leg against his hip. "Yeah, just like that," Madison moans in satisfaction. "Don't try lifting it up over your shoulder, though."

Kevin laughs. "What, mama papaya isn't as acrobatic as the mini papayas?"

Madison runs her short nails against his chest, flicking them against a nipple. Kevin shudders. "You can move now," she tells him, her breath coming out sharp and fast as he does. Madison focuses on taking big, deep belly breaths, and locks both her heels behind Kevin's back. It pushes him deeper inside her, and they both moan at the same time. If she started her own podcast about yoga and sex, she'd definitely put the butterfly pose at the top. Maybe Kevin was up to something and they should combine their workout routine, him doing push-ups on top of her and her practicing her hip-opening stretches around his waist.

"Jesus, you feel so good," Kevin says in awe, unhooking his arm from her leg and grabbing hold of her hips. "How's your back like this?" he asks kindly. "Need me to -"

Madison presses her lips together, stilling as her skin all but sizzles. Kevin's all the way in, and a surge of pleasure barrels down her spine, hot and electric. She leans back, propping herself on her elbows, and uses the leverage of her heels against Kevin's lower back to rock her hips against him.

Kevin leans down, pressing himself against her as much as he can with her bump, and the pressure of his elbows digging into her thighs helps widen her hips, adding that extra, deeper stretch to her stance. Madison whimpers loudly, and Kevin mouths at the bead of sweat sliding between her breasts before he nips at her collarbone as he moves inside her. "Was it - was it this good last time?" he asks, utterly dazed. "Is it just me or does it feel even better now?"

His thrusts are still shallow, slow, but with the pillow under her hips it's the perfect alignment for his pelvic bone to grind against her clit, and Madison's mouth falls open, her fingers seeking the edge of the table for support as they clench around the wood. "So much better. Don't know how I managed without you," she pants, craning her neck so she can kiss him. Kevin cups the back of her neck with his hand, and his tongue traces her swollen bottom lip, and Madison opens up to him easily. No one else's ever kissed her like that, like she's something precious to be savored.

Kevin seems to feel the same way, if the way his features twist and his shoulders shudder is any indication. He rocks his hips harder, pulling all the way out before pushing in deeper with each thrust, and Madison can't hold her weight anymore. She lays down on the blanket of pillows Kevin's built for her and he pulls back, rising to his full height as he slips his hands beneath her ass and yanks her down tighter on his cock. "God, you look so fucking gorgeous like this," he pants as he rubs a hand across her swollen belly, reaching up to knead her breast. He squeezes and Madison keens, her own hand coming up to cup the other and twist her fingers around her nipple. "Tell me what you want," he asks, almost begs as he mirrors her, slipping his hand in the neck of her shirt and cupping her round flesh for the first time in five months. His thumb latches on her nipple, flicking it in a circle, and Madison's hips rise to meet his frantically.

She feels herself clenching down on him, her walls tightening around his cock, and Madison's eyes roll at just how wonderfully orgasmic he makes her. But she doesn't want to go over the edge again until she's felt him spilling inside of her. " _You_ ," she commands, voice rough with arousal. "Wanna feel you."

She digs her heels into his ass, effectively trapping him against her as her hips lift insistently, and Kevin slides his hands under her hips, helping her take control. Madison hums and huffs under him, short, sharp rolls of her hips designed to make his cock drag and bump inside her as her walls flutter around him. She can't arch the way she usually does, but she reaches for him, sifting her fingers through his hair as he leans down to kiss her stomach. He's so sweet, and she's so fond of him, Madison lifts the hem of her shirt, letting him take a peek of a slice of swollen flesh.

Kevin bucks into her, trembling, as his lips trail along her lower belly, kissing and licking a hot path up to her navel. "God, can't get over how hot you are like this," he murmurs. "Such a sexy mama."

There's a catch in her breath that only seems to fuel this hunger he has for her, and Kevin's breathing goes harsh for a moment, sharp intakes of breath as he comes. Madison squeezes his hips with her knees, tightening her grip on him, and it seems to quake through him. She watches his shoulders shake, his upper body bent over her as he curves his spine to reach her belly, and she grabs for him, pulling his head up to kiss him hungrily.

Kevin braces himself on one hand as she cups his face and presses her mouth to his in a bruising kiss, catching his lower lip between her teeth. It's sloppy and filthy and feels amazing, the feel of his ragged breath against her mouth as he fills her, his free hand snaking down their joined bodies to find her clit. He's trying to one-up her, making her fall apart as he's unraveling too, but his touch is shaky, almost clumsy under the strength of his climax. Madison soothes him, pressing kisses to his cheek, the side of his neck, anywhere she can reach while she runs her hands over his back. Kevin has to give in, his one arm not strong enough to support his weight without crushing her, and he braces himself above her, hands around her face. "You feel so good," he murmurs, utterly and completely spent, his eyes gleaming. "Wanna make you feel so good too," he insists.

Madison hums happily, tilting her face for a messy kiss. "I _feel_ good," she tells him, and it's true. Her body's humming and buzzing from the surge of pleasure, and his softening cock feels so good inside her, Madison starts to rock her hips back lazily to get the slide of his cock just the way she needs it. She focuses on the minute roll of her hips, chasing the friction his fingers couldn't provide, the swollen bud of nerves bumping against his pelvis. Madison runs her fingertips along his spine, groans when she realizes she can't fully reach his backside to press him even closer.

But Kevin seems to understand her without words, and he starts rocking into her, deliberately grinding against her clit with each stroke. When he slips his fingers between their bodies it's a mere presence, a gentle brush as he keeps them still, relying on the rhythm of their bodies to rub her clit against his hand. "Like that?" he asks. "That feels good?"

She squirms underneath him, overwhelmed by the combined sensation of his fingers and his body, and Madison feels that clench and release contracting her muscles again, squeezing him in tighter. "Yeah, fuck," she whimpers, pressing her hands as low as she can at his back, anchoring herself as she tries to undulate as much as she can. Kevin feels so heavy on top of her, and she feels so full with her belly between them, but it feels so good, he feels perfect, his fast heartbeat pulsing against her abdomen, his shuddering breath as she comes around him.

Madison presses her face into the pillow under her head to muffle the sound of her cries, but Kevin comes up to kiss her, swallowing them. "God, it feels so good to be back here," he murmurs against her mouth. "I missed you so much."

Madison trembles, bliss and exhaustion mingling, the pain in her lower back starting to tingle again, but she doesn't move. Doesn't want to, not until Kevin feels so heavy she can't breathe or bear the pressure of his body anymore, not until realization dawns on her that this really _happened_ , that he came home and made love to her on her dining table because he wanted to, _needed_ to; that it's the reason why it felt this good, even better than their first night together, because he wants her and she wants him and can't imagine not getting to touch him and have him touch her like this every day.

There's an _I love you_ on the tip of her tongue that Madison forces herself to swallow down. Instead, she strokes at the barely-there crow's feet at the corners of his eyes and softly says: "Missed you more."

* * *

_to be continued_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can you keep a secret?"
> 
> "Absolutely not," Toby answers quickly. "I'm not keeping anything from Kate anymore, and I have to tell her everything you tell me, that's how married life works."
> 
> "I'm in love with Madison."

Reading online articles on _Cosmopolitan_ about pregnancy sex taught Kevin many things. First off, that he's still got _a lot_ to learn about women and pleasure and creativity; then, that he's certain men _couldn't_ go through the onslaught of hormonal distress women have to endure without mentally breaking down.

But one thing _Cosmopolitan_ didn't tell him was how good it'd _feel_. He's tried his best to be considerate of Madison's feelings about herself and her body, but, God, to him she felt like heaven, all breasts and bump and beautiful, swollen flesh, taking such good care of their babies while he was taking care of her, every moan and stroke and sigh from her making desire pulse through his whole body. He can't get enough of her, sliding his hand into her hair, feeling her breath hitch when he kisses that spot just below her ear, her hoarse whisper of _I need you_. He'd never realized how addictive the touch of a hand, a voice, the heady scent of shampoo and skin, could be. Madison felt incredible, pliant, supple curves smooth under his hands, her cheeks as pink as they were fuller, rounder, her eyes shimmering with unguarded lust. It'd felt amazing to touch her again like this, uninhibited and unhindered; to renew their connection, from strangers to begrudging acquaintances, a shoulder to lean on, someone to confide in, future parents, friends, to _family_ \- linked by blood and now by choice, by affection and tenderness and love.

God, he _loves_ her. He does.

Pulling his jeans up, Kevin can't help the fond smile that tugs at his lips at the sight of Madison, flushed cheeks and messy hair and awkwardly tugging at the hem of her shirt to cover herself as if he hadn't just been between her legs five minutes ago.

"Here, let me help," he says fondly, grabbing for her shorts and underwear on the floor so she doesn't have to bend down. Her panties are ruined, which he can't really feel sorry for, and he throws them in a pile with his discarded shirt; he'll put them in the laundry basket later. He crouches before Madison, slipping her shorts up her legs. Her skin is slick with sweat like his, and she squeezes her thighs as he tugs the waistband over her hips, looking uncomfortable.

"I need a shower," Madison grimaces, scrunching up her nose. She wipes her hand over her face, her damp forehead, sweat sticking lost tendrils of hair to her temples. "I'm all _sticky_."

"You okay, though?" he asks, concerned, as he squeezes her thigh. Even if his online reading has reassured him on the fact that he couldn't technically hurt the babies - it would have been just his luck to poke her cervix open or something - it surely scared him even further about hurting her, physically _and_ emotionally. "No bleeding?"

She shakes her head no. "I don't think so." She averts her gaze, visibly embarrassed. "Just - a bit sore, I guess. Don't get cocky." Madison shoots him a quick, shy smile, then hops off the table with, he has to stop himself from grinning, the grace of a waddling duck.

Kevin grabs her wrist, gently stilling her. "Hey, Madison." He strokes his thumb along her pulse, feeling it quicken under his touch. With his free hand he tucks a fingertip under her chin, tilting it up so she looks him in the eye. A few minutes ago she was writing and wild, and now her walls are back up again, self-consciousness clouding the sky blue of her eyes.

He leans down, softly pressing his lips to hers. Madison sort of freezes; she pulls away for an instant, looking at him with surprised eyes, then presses her lips to him again, soft but hesitant still. Kevin sweeps his tongue across her bottom lip and Madison lets out the softest moan, but then her hands find his chest, gentle but firm as she looks ready to push him away. "Kiss me back," he says against her mouth, moving his fingers until he's cupping the side of her jaw. "Kiss me back, Madison. Please."

He feels her hesitation slowly fading away as Madison inches forward, just a little closer, her fingers digging in his chest. Her short nails leave half-moon indents in his skin but Kevin doesn't mind because she's kissing him back, soft but sure, the heat between them starting anew, banishing the uncertainty. When she pulls back her cheeks are rosy with warmth, not from awkwardness. Madison licks her lips, her eyes briefly fluttering shut. "You can't use my weakness for you against me like that, Kevin," she sighs. "It's not fair."

Kevin chuckles, then strokes her cheek, caressing the bow of her lips with his thumb. "Of course I can. And I will do it again and again." Madison attempts to glare at him, but she's just too adorable for it to work. "I can't help myself around you, I want to kiss you all the time." Then, as an afterthought, he adds: "I don't want you to have any regrets. _I_ don't."

Madison sighs softly, leaning into his palm. "Will it be awfully cliché if I say, _it's not you, it's me_?" she asks, sounding annoyed and frustrated, though Kevin's pretty sure that it's not because of him for once.

He gets it, though. He's used that same line himself before, often cowardly, as an excuse, an easy way out, and sometimes as a truth no one believed in, and he's let everyone think he was an asshole because it was easier than to admit he wasn't relationship-material, nothing more than casual sex, oozing charm and smooth lines, but disappointing tomorrows. And he's _been_ an asshole, he knows that; he's learned to _own_ that. Kevin's not trying to push her here - he just wants her to know that he wants _her_ , shy and awkward and peppy and perky, good days and bad days, all of her, even when she can't believe it. "You're pretty amazing from where I stand," he says, encouraging and honest. He never hears her complaining; she puts so much pressure on herself and still comes on top, she takes such good care of their babies and him, and Kevin doesn't know if she even realizes it.

Madison rolls her eyes. "I see sex fries your brain." There's a soft smile playing at her lips, though, and she lets him peck her lips once before she pulls away again. "Quit it, lover boy. Shower time." Her eyes widen. "I mean -"

"Yeah, no, I'll use the one in the guest bathroom," Kevin wriggles his finger at her. "I don't need you to see my skin care routine. I want you to believe this is all natural," he laughs, waving at his face.

Madison giggles, and the sound is so sweet, so pure, Kevin wishes he could record it, play it when he needs a pick-me-up. Her cheeks turn to this delicate, peach undertone, and she sucks her bottom lip in. "Thank you...for keeping the dream alive." She tilts her head to the side. "And thank you for not pushing."

"Shower sex is overrated, anyway." Kevin shrugs, shoving away the visual of a naked Madison under the shower spray from his mind. He gives her ass a light swat of his hand, making her startle. "Come on, off you go. Leave your dirty clothes by the door, I'll load the washing machine after I've put the lasagna in the oven."

Madison rubs at her backside, narrowing her eyes at him before laughing. "Only you can go from caveman to super domestic in half a minute."

"It's a gift."

"Yeah. If you could make tea too, that'd be heaven," she sighs dreamily before closing the door of the bathroom behind her.

Kevin counts on his fingers. "Three orgasms, one load of laundry, five spoonfuls of honey, you got it, ma'am," he calls out.

* * *

The water is still running in Madison's bathroom when Kevin comes out of the shower, and he realizes it's the first time he's been alone in her house, free to wander.

There's a staircase leading to a top floor he has never been in, which, Kevin guesses, hosts Madison's home office. He looks at the paintings hanging on the walls, runs his fingers through the soft crochet blanket thrown over the back of the couch; Madison truly has great taste, the house looks polished and pristine but still lived-in, cozy and comforting, with soft, warm shades and candles and lights everywhere. There are postcards from friends, thank-you notes from clients, and pictures hanging on a rack over the console by her door, and Kevin recognizes younger versions of Madison and Lauren with a boy with auburn hair and dark, blue eyes, who has to be Christopher - he can't help but wonder whom Madison and her sister favor with their blond hair, their mother or father. Madison looks six or seven on the photograph, so Lauren can't be more than nine, and their brother seventeen; he's tall and lean, holding Madison in his arms like she's still a toddler while Lauren holds onto his leg, two koala bears holding on tight like they never want to let go of him. It's obvious to Kevin that her brother was Madison's everything growing up.

He keeps looking around, finding other family pictures that he's never noticed before. There's one of Madison in her teens, beaming and waving as she wears the tiara and scarf of Miss Santa Monica Teen. Though her smile is big and wide, it's still shy, almost embarrassed, like she can't believe she won, or perhaps Kevin only thinks so because he knows her, can imagine how she must have felt, never truly seeing herself as everybody else does, a young, pretty, amazing girl. He finds only one picture of her parents, almost hidden in the book shelves: her mother is beautiful with long, wavy auburn hair, a happy smile playing at her lips as she hugs Madison and Lauren in her arms, her father and brother standing behind them. Christopher's smile is wide and full of braces; Lauren's sticking her tongue out at the camera; and Madison, only a toddler, looks up at her mother adoringly, her cheeks as pink as they get now, and she looks nothing short of _precious_.

The rest of the pictures scattered through the living-room are of friends, Madison at parties with people he doesn't recognize, then of Kate and Toby and Jack. Kevin's surprised to find his own face: it's a picture from Kate's wedding he doesn't remember being taken or having seen before, of the two of them dancing and laughing. Somehow it makes Kevin feel uneasy. They had such a nice time that night, and then the next time he saw her he was drunk at Kate's graduation party, then in the waiting room at the hospital where he was such a jerk to her. Madison had this picture printed and framed, celebrating joy and fun, their first moment together, and all he can think about is how he ruined it afterwards.

The oven beeps, and Kevin shakes his head, focusing on the present. He takes the lasagna out and lets it cool down, then starts on making Madison's tea. Straining his ear, he hears no more water running, but catches the sound of Madison throwing up.

He goes to her bedroom, then knocks softly on the bathroom door. "Madison?" he calls out her name, worried. "Can I come in?"

She coughs, then throws up again, the sound echoing against the porcelain. "No," she answers weakly, her voice hoarse. "I don't - no."

"Okay, I'll wait out here," Kevin replies, although he wishes nothing more than to go in and help her, rub her back, be there for her.

She goes on vomiting for five minutes that feel like an hour. Kevin grimaces as he listens in, feeling for her. Her throat must feel like sandpaper, and at this rate Madison probably emptied the content of a day's worth of meals. He then hears the sound of the toilet flushing, then of her electric toothbrush, another gagging sound as the clean taste clashes with the lingering tang of bile. When she comes out she looks so pale, it's a sharp contrast to the glowing hue her skin sported earlier when she was rosy and flushed.

"Madison..."

She waves her hand at him, as if dismissing his concern. "Don't worry about it," she says, giving him a forced smile. Even she seems to realize how forced it must look, because she softens, sitting beside him and taking his hand in hers. "It's nothing. I went to see Dr. Mason and he said my blood tests are good. I still have low blood pressure and the vomiting has increased, but he said that rest, a change in my diet and some antacids should help."

Kevin stares at her, hating himself for leaving her alone to deal with this. What else has he missed during these past two weeks? What else _will_ he miss when he's gone for a movie or press tours? The twins' first steps? First words? Madison feeling lonely and sad and upset without anyone to notice and help? And he doesn't want to miss sharing these moments with her, the good and the bad, watching her smile when the babies call her _mama_ , crawling on hands and knees to snuggle up to her, hugging her and comforting her when hormones take over and she feels like shit.

"Dr. Zheng was right," he notes. "Kissing is nice but it doesn't solve everything. I didn't make you sicker, did I?" he asks. "My kissing hasn't gotten that bad?" Madison rolls her eyes, then grins. "Here you go," he says, tracing her mouth with his finger.

She lets go of his hand, cupping his jaw instead. Madison strokes his face, looking torn. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she apologizes. "But I didn't want you to worry about me when there was nothing you could do anyway. I wanted..." She worries her lip between her teeth. "I don't want this to be _everything_ that there is between us," Madison goes on.

Kevin frowns. "What's _this_?"

Madison sighs, closing her eyes. "You worrying over me, me being a burden to you." She shakes her head. "I know you don't think of me like that, but that's what I am," she insists.

She truly believes that, Kevin can hear it in her tone. But she's not indulging in self-pity; Madison's saying it like it is, like she _thinks_ it is. She thinks she's a burden to him, someone pulling him down and under, tying him to a life he didn't choose. But he _did_. He chose to be there for her, for the twins, and Kevin would do it again, would always choose to be there for her, _with_ her.

"You know what I like most about you?" he asks softly. Madison opens her eyes, looking wary. He chuckles. "I swear, it's not something dirty, although..."

"Kevin."

"That," he points out. "That's what I like most. You're fiercely strong. You don't take any bullshit. You've built yourself without anyone supporting you, and you still turned out to be the strongest, most amazing person I know. Don't argue," he cuts her off before she can even part her lips. "It's true. You slept with your best friend's jerk of a brother and got pregnant and _still_ told him you would do this on your own. You're strong as hell, Madison."

Madison shrugs. "You took one look at me and said you were all in and that all went out of the window. I couldn't do any of this without you," she confesses, like it's a weakness.

"Of course you could," Kevin assures her. He's got no doubt in his mind that Madison could do anything she put her energy into. "But you won't _have_ to. Because I'm here, and I want to be here, and because -"

Kevin stops himself, makes himself look her in the eye. There's still this little furrow between her brows, like Madison doesn't understand what he's saying; well, what he's not saying yet, but what he _means_. What _all in_ has come to mean now that he's gotten to know her better, and couldn't help but falling for her.

Kevin runs his hand through her wet, uncombed hair, his fingers tangling in the knots. It looks like a bird's nest, and Madison herself looks like a giant marshmallow with her oversized pink shirt with tiny little white hearts on it, her shorts tied up by the most ridiculously adorable lace bow. She's never looked more beautiful.

Her lips tremble, and Madison presses them together before she asks: "Because what, Kevin?"

_You know what_ , he almost says, then thinks better of it. She deserves to hear it without any shred of doubt. "Because I love you. I'm in love with you, Madison."

Madison's mouth parts, her eyes growing wide. She looks so adorable Kevin can't help grinning like a fool. It feels so good, finally naming these feelings, finally telling her. "I love how loud and excited you get about things that are important to you. I love how you love people like they don't have a say in the matter, like you're gonna be their person whether they want it or not. I love that you take your tea with half the honey jar in it." Kevin shrugs. "Hell, I love that you love weird stuff like beet salad and quinoa. I love you, Madison. I love all of you."

Madison blinks a few times, a couple of unshed tears pooling at the end of her lashes. She lets out a soft, teary giggle then, covering her mouth with her hand. "I - you're serious." It's not a question. "You really mean it."

Kevin wipes his thumb under her eye, catching a tear. "I do."

Madison nods to herself, looking adorably confused. Hell, he finds her adorable all the time. Kevin moves his hand to the nape of her neck, leaning in, but Madison turns her head, chuckling. "You just heard me puking."

"Don't care," Kevin says, brushing his lips to the corner of her mouth. "I love you."

Madison tilts her head back, her mouth a mere breath away from his. "You do? You really do." She wets her lips, and her tongue brushes his mouth. "It's not just the rush of endorphins, is it?"

He kisses her jaw, slowly inching his way up to her ear. "Even if I never got to touch you again I'd still be in love with you," Kevin whispers in her ear, suckling the lobe in his mouth. "But that'd be an unusually cruel punishment, because I love you _and_ your body." He lets his free hand roam down her body, settling at the curve of her waist, stroking open-palmed across her belly. "I love you, okay? Not just the you who's giving me children. _You_."

Madison looks stunned, almost to the point where Kevin wonders if she's heard him or if she's gone into some state of shock. She gives him a watery smile then, and cups his neck with both her hands, thumbs stroking along his pulse. "I can't believe you beat me to it," she says shakily, laugh-snorting softly. "I'm _always_ the first one to say _I love you_."

She bites into her lip, and Kevin can't help kissing her, soothing the hurt with his tongue. He presses soft, light kisses to her mouth, swallowing her giggles. "You love me?" he asks in between kisses. "It's not just orgasms frying your brain?" he teases.

Madison shakes her head. "Nope. No brain damage." She runs her fingers through his hair, lazily messing it. "I'm in love with you and I was too scared to tell you. I'm _still_ scared," she admits. "But I love you. And I have tons of good reasons, but my brain's a bit overwhelmed by hormones and orgasms so I can't really gather my thoughts right now."

Kevin laughs, then presses his forehead against hers. "You don't need a reason. I'm highly lovable."

Madison nuzzles his face, then tilts her head up to press a kiss to his forehead. "That you are. It should be illegal, actually. You're too sweet for my own good."

"I'd show you just how sweet I am if I didn't know you like your tea scalding hot and that you'd kill me if I suggested reheating it in the microwave."

Madison beams at him, her eyes welling again. "See? That's what I love about you. No one knows me like you do."

Kevin loves that about them, too - how she lets him in, and how he's becoming someone who cares enough to know this kind of things, how warm it feels to know and be known.

* * *

Madison sips carefully at her tea while he finishes his first serving of lasagna, and starts piling some more in his plate. "Worked up an appetite, have you?" she teases him, grinning above her steaming cup.

She's barely touched her food, but Kevin doesn't have it in him to pester her about it. Tomorrow he'll look at her new diet chart with her, go for groceries if needed, but tonight he'll let her be. "Gotta get some energy in case the horny monster wakes up in the middle of the night," he tips his chin at her. "It's a miracle it didn't wake the twins earlier."

Madison scrunches up her nose. "God, they don't need to hear the things Daddy does to Mommy."

"I'm sure they appreciate Daddy's efforts to make Mommy feel good."

Madison embellishes a fake shudder. "I'd rather you focus your energy on talking to them so they know your voice instead of the sounds you make when..." She waves her hand at him, blushing.

"God, you're adorable." He leans in, taking Madison's tea cup from her and putting it down on the coffee table. Then Kevin bends down and arranges himself until he's comfortable and at her belly's level. "Hi, babies. This is Daddy," he tries out. "Maybe it's time we stop calling you babies and find you a real name, don't you think?" He looks up at Madison. "I'm not talking to their feet, am I?"

She gives him a smile, then takes his hand. "At the last ultrasound, Baby Boy was curled here," she says, placing his hand atop the left side of her bump. "And Baby Girl was sort of curled against him, like they were hugging," she adds, shifting his hand to a spot slightly higher.

Kevin strokes her belly, amazed. Everything seems more real to him ever since they found out the gender; since the twins became a little boy and a little girl. "Okay, I'll try something. What do you think of Josephine?"

He presses his ear to Madison's belly, and waits. "Are you expecting them to kick like my belly is a Ouija board?" Madison asks, laughing. "I like Josephine. It's cute."

"Eleanor?" Madison shakes her head. "Grace?"

"Grace is pretty. I like Hannah, too, but that's too close to your niece." She worries her lip absently, thinking. "Sarah Grace sounds cute. Like a princess. Sarah Grace Pearson. She could be an actress with a name like that."

"It does sound kind of regal," Kevin agrees. "So we need a boy name that sounds like it. What's the name of the British royal baby again?"

"No, no, we're not calling him George, that sounds like an old man. What names did you like again?" she asks.

"I like Alexander or Ethan. Andrew, too. Or Arthur."

Madison seems to ponder it. " _A_ -names. What did we say for the girl? Amelia? Amy and Alex Pearson. Amy and Andy. It _does_ sound good, but...I don't know. I get the charm of classic, timeless names, but they don't sound special, you know?" She puts her hand above his on her belly. "I want their names to have meaning, even if it's just between the two of us."

Kevin understands that. Even if Kate, Kyle and Kevin are common names too, they had meaning for their parents. "Do you know why your parents chose Madison for you?" he asks her.

Madison chuckles softly. "Actually, yeah. They chose it after Daryl Hannah's character in _Splash_ , you know, the movie with the mermaid? They rented it for date night and according to my mom I kept kicking all through the movie, so she saw it as a sign that I liked it."

"That's sweet. But then I'm vetoing watching _Lord of the Rings_ for the next four months. Can't have the babies kicking and wanting to be named Aragorn and Arwen."

"Aren't they, like, married in those movies? We can't give them a couple's names, Kevin. That's creepy."

"No classic names, no fantasy names, no iconic couple names," Kevin counts on his fingers, "At this rate four months won't be long enough to settle on a name, let alone two."

"We'll be plenty busy painting the nursery, building all the furniture, buying and washing all the baby clothes, going to birth classes," Madison counters. "Besides, maybe we just need to meet them to _know_ , you know? What if we choose names beforehand, _then_ realize they don't look like an Alex or a Sarah? Maybe we should just wait."

"You're the boss, mama papaya," Kevin agrees, dropping a kiss to her belly before he straightens up and reaches for his plate, then stops himself midway. "That reminds me, I had something for you," he says.

Madison watches him with curious eyes as he stands and goes to his suitcase. "You didn't have to get me anything," she says, fond.

"I wanted to," Kevin argues. "It's what they do in movies. When you go away on a business trip, you have to bring back a snow globe, or a box of chocolates, anything, really. That's a rule." He rummages through his suitcase, then pulls out three fluffy, stuffed raccoon toys. "The big one is for you, obviously, and the little one with the bow is for the girl, the other one for the boy. I figured we could allow a bit of everyday sexism because they were really cute."

Madison holds them in her arms, brushing her fingers against the tiny, purple bow around one of the raccoons' ear. "They're adorable, Kevin. They're gonna love them." She reaches out to him, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him down to her for a kiss. "I feel bad for not getting you anything," she pouts against his mouth. "This is what you get for surprising me and getting an early flight, no welcome home gifts."

"What were you gonna get me if I'd gotten home tomorrow?"

Madison shrugs her shoulder. "Yeah, right, okay. Maybe I was just gonna wait for you in my new nightgown, but still. I meant to make an effort." She waves her hand at herself. "Lauren would slap me if she knew I was wearing these. She wanted me to wait for you with sushi on my naked body, like that scene with Samantha in _Sex and the City_."

Kevin can't help laughing. "Isn't that, I don't know, pretty inconsiderate since you can't even eat sushi?" he asks. "It wouldn't be fair to ask you to... _wear_ some on you if you can't even eat it afterwards."

"I know, right?" Madison says, wide-eyed and giggling. "God, I miss sushi. But I'd get you sushi if you wanted," she says softly.

"I don't need anything but you," Kevin says. "I know, I know, it sounds like a corny pick-up line, but it's true."

He reaches for her tea cup and gives it back to her before getting his refill of lasagna. Madison observes him above the fading steam with a fond smile. "I really, really love you, you know that?" she says, so soft it comes out as a whisper. "I'm really glad it's you."

A year ago Kevin had thought that Zoe was the one, that a life with her was worth any sacrifice. Sitting with Madison on her couch, in the house they'll share for the next few months, expecting their babies together, is the kind of happy surprise Kevin never thought he'd have.

This isn't how he'd imagine turning forty with a wife and a kid, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

"Yeah, me too."

* * *

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Absolutely not," Toby answers quickly. "I'm not keeping anything from Kate anymore, and I have to tell her everything you tell me, that's how married life works."

"I'm in love with Madison."

Toby brandishes his paint roller at him like a weapon, _summer daffodil_ paint dropping to the plastic-covered floor. "I told you I couldn't keep a secret! Why did you tell me, man?"

"Because I needed to say it out loud to someone else beside Madison before telling Kate," Kevin explains. "And because it feels _good_? Being in love with someone who loves you back is pretty freaking great."

Toby's shoulders relax visibly. "You told Madison? Wow." He studies Kevin for a minute, then says excitedly: "You guys did it! Oh God, you guys _did it_ ," he repeats, this time somewhat grossed out. "I mean, she's pregnant, of course you guys did it, but, _again_? Wow. So you two are...?"

He waves his hand like it's supposed to mean something, and Kevin chuckles good-naturedly. It's not like he was any more eloquent after his reunion with Madison. "An official, real couple who loves each other, yeah," he replies, a satisfied grin tugging at his lips. "And you could have told me that pregnancy sex was amazing, dude. This is how brothers-in-law operate."

"You want to hear about your _sister's_ sex life? Really?" Toby asks, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Jesus, twins _are_ weird, complete offense."

Kevin grimaces. "Yeah, no, of course not, but you don't have to say it like that," he shudders. "You could just have said something in passing, like, I don't know, hey man, sex is really nice, you should try it sometime."

Toby chuckles as he goes back to painting his side of the room. "Yeah, right, because I was supposed to talk to you like you're a sixteen year-old virgin."

"Stop ruining our bonding moment, Tobs," Kevin chides him. "Thanks for helping me with the painting, by the way. I want it done before Miguel and Nicky get here, we'll have plenty to do with the crib and the rest of the furniture."

"You'll pay me back by watching Jack for a week-end, Kate's gotten a new nightgown while she was out with Madison and her sister the other time..." He grins dreamily, and Kevin gags. "Oh, come on. Your sister is a beautiful woman and I'm one lucky guy."

"Yeah, I know that. Still. I get your point, no talking specifics about them." Kevin rolls his eyes, then takes a step back to watch his work. "Did you know the store had, like, a dozen different shades of daffodil? Like, there was one called _dazzling daffodil_. Some shiny stuff. For real, what's next, glittery green and stunning sunset?"

"Tell me about it. Madison wants to do a coordinate color palette for Jack's christening," Toby pretends to shiver. "That's the reason why she asked Kate to bring the wedding videos, she wants to get inspiration from there. We haven't even settled on a date yet, and she's already looking at napkins that match Jack's outfit or the cake."

Kevin can't help smiling fondly. "It's more than a job to her, it's her passion. And this is her godson we're talking about, of course she's gonna get excited."

"Well, we'll see how you feel when she decides that the godfather has to wear a _stunning sunset_ suit to match the flowers or something," Toby laughs.

They keep working in companionable silence, and within two hours the soft grey walls of the guestroom have turned a lighter shade, the bright yellow catching the natural light in a soothing, peaceful glow. Kevin can picture it all easily: the twins' bassinet, the changing table, a rocking chair for midnight bottles, shelves for the stuffed animals and baby books. Kevin's given up on the idea of building the crib himself, preferring to stay on the side of caution when it comes to any baby-related furniture, but Miguel told him they could work on a rocking chair for Madison. Kevin's watched videos and it looks extra difficult, but Miguel's confident he can do it, and Kevin knows he'll mostly be the sidekick in that particular adventure, so he trusts him.

Toby flexes his shoulder, pressing his fingers in his shoulder blade. "Man, this is more exhausting than spending an hour at the gym. Still don't want to tell me the gender as a thank-you?" he tries.

Kevin crosses his arms. "So you can tell Kate, because this is how married life works? Nope."

"Still had to try," Toby shrugs easily. "How are you gonna keep Madison from coming in here once the paint is dry? You can't really expect her not to be curious and wait until the party."

"It's not like I'm building a sex dungeon, she knows what we're doing in here," Kevin shrugs. "I think we're good, she's more excited about the idea of a surprise than she's curious to know. And..." He cocks his head to the side, grinning. "I have to admit I'm taking full advantage of her pregnancy brain, she starts sentences then gets lost in her head...and I make the most of it to distract her. So far so good."

"Good," Toby approves. "You're gonna want to hold onto that strategy as long as you can, it'll save your life. If she starts asking you if she looks good in those fluffy, pregnancy clothes, abort the mission, Kev. Abort. The. Mission."

Toby stares at him with big, exacerbated eyes, and Kevin nods, agreeing with him without even knowing what he's agreeing to. They leave the guestroom/nursery and Kevin's ready to close the door fast if Madison's lurking around to sneak a peek. She and Kate and Jack are in the living-room, though, Madison comfortably settled on the rug with her pregnancy pillow around her, her notepad and pen next to her as she holds onto Jack's hands as he dances, flexing his knees and bobbing up and down to the music in the wedding video.

"You hear that song, sweetheart?" Madison says in the sweetest voice Kevin has ever heard. "That's the song your mommy and daddy first danced to at their wedding."

Kevin and Toby lean against the wall, watching them for a while. Neither Kate nor Madison seem to have noticed their presence. Kevin finds himself entranced by the sight of Madison playing with Jack; it strikes him that in a few months, she'll be holding _their_ own children in her arms.

And perhaps in a few years, there'll be another video playing on the TV, of another wedding, another first dance...

"What do you want to tell the happy couple?" Zoe's voice breaks into Kevin's daze. Here he is on screen, with Madison holding onto his arm, Zoe's voice narrating. "Any wise words?"

He's never watched the full video; Kevin would remember seeing himself in the montage, leaving a message for the new bride and groom. But here they are, both grinning, Madison so visibly tipsy, an adorable pink flush on her skin, both from the champagne and the dancing. "KaToby forever!" the Madison on screen squeals, her fingers tightening excitedly around his arm. The real Madison cringes, chuckling. "I'm so happy for you guys! And Kate, _God_ , Kate, you look so beautiful tonight, like a real-life princess, I'm so..." She gets teary, and absently waves her hand.

Kevin watches himself gulp as he looks down at her, tearful at his side, completely at a loss. "Uh, hey, Kate, Toby," he focuses on the camera instead. "You guys were made for each other, I have no doubt about that. You're the kind of love story that makes people weep, that's just how perfect you are," he cheers, then turns back to Madison. He rubs his hand over her arm. "Hey, those better be happy tears, okay? Come on, gimme that pretty smile of yours."

He tilts her chin up, and Madison gives him a watery, bubbly smile. Kevin has no recollection of that particular moment; but he recognizes the look on his own face. He's looking at her with a fond, smitten expression, the same one he can't help whenever she's around.

Kevin can't deny he's been a goner since day one.

Madison wipes her hand beneath her eyes, sniffling. "I just wish you all the happiness in the world, you deserve nothing less. And, uh...I'm just so honored to be a part of it. Thank you for sharing your hope and dreams with me, and..." She looks around, looking for something and giggling, her wavy hair flying with the motion. "I need a glass to toast!"

Kevin laughs, then presses her to his side with his arm around her waist. He raises an imaginary glass to her, pretends to clink it with hers, and says: "To happiness and love? KaToby forever?"

Madison beams up at him, eyes locked with his. God, Kevin can't believe he doesn't remember that. What made him leave her side that night? She was fun and wild and sweet, and she looked so beautiful...Clearly he was a fool for walking away.

He's not making that mistake again.

"To happiness and love," Madison echoes, soft and sweet. "And to the best people I know."

"And _that_ was your godparents being the sweetest," Kate explains as she reaches out to Jack. "You really looked good together that night," she adds to Madison. "I can't believe I never noticed before."

"It's the movie star aura," Madison dismisses her. "Anyone looks good next to a movie star, it's like, it rubs off on you."

Kate shakes her head. "Nah. Anyone would look good in Armani, or Prada, whatever this suit was. You're way prettier than Kev."

"Hey now," Toby calls out, alerting them to their presence at last as he walks in and scoops Jack up in his arms. "Don't listen to Mommy, bud. Your uncle Kev is the _prettiest_."

Madison looks up, her eyes finding his, a shy smile playing at her lips, and Kevin _knows_.

* * *

_to be continued_


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reluctantly, Madison has to lift her hands between them to stop him as he leans in to kiss her. "Nuh-uh, you're dirty," she shakes her head, laughing, "and fake blood still stains." She runs her hand over her white dress. It's a daring color for someone who spends half her day bent over the toilet emptying her stomach, but it's one of the last few dresses from before her pregnancy that still fits - if fitting means the fabric can actually stretch enough over her belly without showing off her underwear. It hugs her bump and chest, making her look ostentatiously pregnant which Kevin loves, so Madison's trying not to focus on the fact that the buttons on the front could snap open anytime if she breathes too harshly. "If I'd known you'd be filming a Dexter-like scene, I would have dressed accordingly."
> 
> "And hide that dress beneath a plastic sheet?" Kevin asks, shaking his head. His fingers twitch at his side from restraint. "Hell no. You look so hot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every new, young couple goes through a honeymoon phase, even when half of the couple is five months pregnant and navigating trying to be sexy while feeling nauseous and carrying two pumpkins. ;)

Madison feels like a real-life princess, Cinderella in her pumpkin-shaped carriage except that the horses and mice are replaced by Anton, a tall, broad-shouldered man with a surprisingly sweet, soft voice as he sings along to Dua Lipa's _Physical_. He tells her about being a preteen in the 80s and watching neon-themed aerobics videos with his grandmother, and by the time the car slows down Madison knows enough about his childhood to pitch a script for a TV series to Netflix - she watches _Young Sheldon_ , she knows that hip grandmas are the next big thing.

Colin greets her at the entrance to the studios, a big, dazzling smile on his lips that reveals the bronze glow of his cheeks. He's nothing like she'd imagined. Madison had pictured a tall, lanky guy following Kevin around with a notepad and a coffee mug, a walking cliché of a young, aspiring actor or writer, always trying to get some hotshot actor to read his script and take him under their wing. Instead Colin exudes warmth and confidence with an air of jack-of-all-trades, personal assistant and his boss' girlfriend's keeper both. He's also very handsome, with adorable dimples when he smiles that could make anyone go weak in the knees. It's just the thing about Hollywood: everybody's just more beautiful, with shinier hair, bright teeth and sculpted bodies, everybody looking like a damn model. Madison's never felt more like a whale, _and_ she feels like that every single day already.

"Miss Simons, I'm Colin Mastin," he introduces himself as he opens her car door for her and shakes her hand. "I hope the drive was enjoyable? How was the iced-tea? Mr. Pearson said you love tea, but I figured it would be too dangerous while driving. Didn't want you to splash yourself and get burned."

He's talking a mile a minute with a charming, southern accent Madison can't quite place, but that speaks of manners and how he was raised with five big sisters and well-trained to be nice to ladies. "Call me Madison, please. I'm no First Lady. And you really didn't have to send me a driver, I can still drive on my own. It was very nice to meet you though, Anton," Madison turns to the driver with a bright smile. She then spans her hands across her belly. "I swear, even though it doesn't look like it, I can _still_ get behind the wheel."

Colin shakes his head. "Nonsense. Mr. Pearson mentioned you were going out tonight, there was no point in having you take two cars." He pauses, staring at her. "I'm not making you feel uncomfortable, am I? It must be weird, having a stranger knowing so much about your life."

Madison shrugs. It _is_ weird, but she's slowly getting used to it. She'd never really thought about Kevin's fame and what it meant until then. There's an army of fangirls commenting on every picture of her he posts on Instagram, and the comments have gotten nicer, his fans getting used to the idea that he's now a taken man and about to be a dad. Lisa likes reading the comments out loud during their lunch break, and Madison can't pretend it isn't nice, this new, massive support. Most comments say she looks gorgeous and great, wishing them both happiness. It's more than her own parents did.

"It must be weirder for _you_ ," Madison chuckles. "No one should have to deal with another man's pregnant woman."

"Trust me, this is the _least_ diva thing any actor has ever asked me," Colin says, smiling. "Did you know they had people whose job is to spray water on all these sweaty dudes in those _Avengers_ movies?"

He says it like it's a bad thing, which Madison can't really agree with. "I don't know, I suppose I'd do it for free if that meant I could get anywhere near any of the Chrises' pecs and abs," Madison giggles, sighing dreamily. "Don't tell Kevin I said that, please."

"My lips are sealed." He leads her through a series of outdoor back-lots and warehouses storing costumes and props and other items of film memorabilia until they reach the backdoor to the set. "I didn't tell Mr. Pearson you were coming, like you asked. Sorry about all these detours, this place is like a maze, and Mr. Pearson is on set so this is the only way to get you in without him noticing."

"Oh, Kevin's shooting a scene now?" Madison asks, curious and excited. She thought she'd surprise him, not necessarily get to see him acting in the flesh. Action movies aren't exactly her thing but this is still so exciting, getting to see him hone his craft. Madison's really proud of him for doing this movie; she would have felt so guilty if he'd renounce it for her sake and for the sake of the babies. Kevin's having a blast, she can tell every time he talks about it, his eyes shining and his words almost torn with the way he talks fast and excitedly.

Colin's hand stills on the doorknob. "Okay, so here's the thing. I put a chair out for you, with a screen monitor and headphones so you can follow what's happening on set. You'll be a bit farther away than everyone else, but that's only because I needed to get you a seat in a blind spot. Steven knows you're coming, of course."

Madison nods her head despite not having any idea whom he's talking about. She feels silly, not even knowing who's directing the movie, but she was sort of too distracted by the fact that Kevin's costar is freaking gorgeous and feeling insecure and a tad jealous about it to stop and think about matters like this. She follows Colin as silently as she can and gives him a warm, grateful smile when she notices that he put an extra pillow on her chair.

She feels like a kid getting to visit the backstage of Disneyworld, witnessing where all the magic happens. The film industry is grueling and requires commitment and hard work, Madison knows that on an intellectual level, but there's just something surreal about it that has always made her feel like actors just _had_ _it_ , this unnamable thing about them, talent and skill and aura all wrapped together that made it easy for them to make a character or a line of dialogue come to life, almost as if actors were characters disguised as actors. Getting to see how it works for real is a thrill.

Kevin's told her enough about the movie so that Madison doesn't feel so much at a loss as she catches them mid-scene. She can't help feeling relieved that there's no romance in the story - Madison's pretty sure she couldn't bear seeing Kevin kiss another woman in front of her very eyes. It's one thing behind the screen in the comfort of her own couch with Kevin beside her and _hers_ ; quite another to witness it from the front row.

There's an almost classic, black and white style to the set, something eery and uneasy but still somewhat soft. Madison looks around, finding half a dozen lighting techs taking care of as many different lamps - a practical lamp, a light dome, giving a strange contrast, almost creating artificial sunlight while giving off tapered shadows like moonlight. Madison turns to Colin, curious about how it works. "How do they do this?" she asks, waving her hand at the screen. "It looks like sunlight streaming through that window, but it's night? I mean, it's dark in here."

Colin pushes his own chair closer, lowering his voice to answer her. "The scene is supposed to take place at dusk. They use a practical lamp in that backroom there and then it's dimmed, and it gives off this moody atmosphere, you see? And then there's this other light dome that's just on the outside, behind the fake wall, and they made those homemade shapes, like blinds, to make it seem like the light is filtering through the actual blinds on the windows."

He points at elements of the set on the screen, his words giving life to all the Herculean, behind-the-scenes work. Kevin and Alex's characters are hiding in what looks like an abandoned workshop; they look grim and drained, and it _shows_ , even in the way the light catches their features in this semi-dark room. And yet they look soft in a way no one should with bruises and blood on their faces.

Colin notices the frown between her brows, and points his finger at a dark, unbleached muslin hanging under the light. "That's what gives this shadowy effect. And then they focus the hard light on their faces, it creates more shadows, makes them look more dramatic. See how this light is directed at the window, though?" He taps the corner of the screen. "The camera focuses there so that it's this light and the way it reverberates on the glass and their faces that the audience focuses on. It looks more natural, and that's what gives off this soft, exhausted vibe."

Madison nods to herself, trying to take everything in. "You should work with the lighting crew, you're too savvy to spend your days making Kevin coffee. You have such a creative eye."

Colin is quick to blush, heat rushing to his face. "I have a BA in filmmaking and photography, but I try to...try my hand at everything, I suppose. It's a lot of hard work but it's a great opportunity to learn a lot of cool stuff. And working with Mr. Pearson is a gift. For real," he insists, "I'm not just saying that. He's giving me a lot of advice about how to make it in the industry, and he's really creative, it's so interesting to see him work." He pauses, blushing deeper as he goes on, his voice so low it's almost a whisper. "He makes all these subtle changes to the script, makes plenty of suggestions, it's like...he really gets the character, you know? He makes the script better. I'm not sure the story would be so compelling with someone else playing the role."

Madison focuses her gaze on her screen. She's heard Kate gush about the war movie Kevin did with Ron Howard - couldn't quite believe that it made Randall _cry_ \- and she's looked for that movie review Kevin mentioned that said he wore pain well, and he _does_. There's an intensity in his eyes that rolls down his entire body as Alex drops in and out of consciousness in his arms and he tries to keep her awake; Madison can feel his desperation, feel it creeping up her own skin despite knowing that this is acting and that Alex is fine, the fake blood and bruises on her skin nothing but make-up. But she instantly feels for her character, and his; the rawness in Kevin's interpretation reels her in. " _Comedians have a harder time proving their dramatic chops because audiences often aren't ready to take them seriously_ ," the review had read; " _but Pearson's proven us that acting isn't about becoming someone different to please a new audience, but finding yourself in the difference and shining your own light there. And the conversation between Pearson's eyes and face and tired, pained smile, and our hearts, is probably the most important relationship he's built over a decade of acting. He conveys a real immediacy and intimacy that feels like an uppercut to the gut and leaves us reeling, begging for mercy, and begging for more. No one's worn pain better than he does in "Hill 400" this year, and we bet that no one else will."_

"Come on, Torres, don't do this." Kevin's voice is hoarse and strained, pleading. "Come on." He tries to keep her awake with light slaps to her cheeks, but her eyes keep rolling, her body heavily weighing down in his lap.

It takes a moment for Madison to notice that beside the caked blood to her temple, there's also blood oozing from a cut that goes from below her ear to her collarbone. It doesn't look deep, but with the dark aura around the set the fake blood almost has this glittery quality to it, making it look like it's flowing and Alex is actually losing blood. Kevin's big hand paws at the wound, coming away red and shiny, and Madison understands what Colin meant by the use of light; with the way the soft light reverberates on Kevin's face, the journey in his eyes is made clear to the audience. There's fear and anger and desperation clouding his brown eyes, and Madison feels like she's within an inch of him, instead of watching from behind a screen.

Kevin shakes his head all of a sudden, looking up. "I - I don't feel this," he says. In his lap Alex opens her eyes, and sits up straighter. Kevin disengages from her, trying not to smear fake blood on her. "This...I don't know, the pleading in his tone, it's too early," Kevin goes on. He turns to Alex, who nods her head. "He should be angry right now. She got hurt because she didn't listen to him."

"Because she still doesn't fully trust him," Alex agrees. There's a melodious lilt to her voice, an inherent seduction to the way she speaks, the rhythm and cadence of it all, that suits romance so well. Alex Vargas Suarez has starred in two romcoms over the past three years, always in the role of the hot-headed, sexy Latina woman because Hollywood loves its clichés, it's a nice change to see her in a role where her accent and her curves aren't the main attraction. "He barks out orders, but he doesn't share."

"Exactly," Kevin insists. "He has years of bottled anger inside of him." He turns to the crew, seeking the director's eyes. "He should be angrier, at least at first. She's gone and gotten hurt and he's not losing anyone else. He should be mad at her, then at himself. Then he can soften and beg."

Colin leans into her space. "Told you," he says. There's a genuine spark of admiration in his eyes. "He's so insightful."

Madison watches as the director and his assistants lean in together and exchange a few words, one waving her hand at the set, another to the lighting. "Okay," Steven calls out. "We start back to the moment when you stumble into the workshop. What do you guys see from there?"

Alex worries her bottom lip with her teeth as she stands up. "He shouldn't be half-carrying me," she states. "I can lean heavily into him, but he should be dragging me. We should see he's pissed at me, dragging me to safety because I can't do it on my own. But..." She turns to Kevin, and they exchange a look like they understand each other without having to speak. "No heroics. No carrying me."

Kevin nods and mirrors her, standing and observing the set. "I feel like he should be talking to her, more than talking to himself, while he patches her up." He picks at the bloody, filthy rags on the floor. "Maybe even have her patch herself up. He's pissed and maybe a bit blind to the situation. He doesn't see how serious her wound is at first."

In five minutes, Kevin and Alex rewrite the scene, and Madison watches as the director can't do much but accept it and let them roll. And perhaps she's biased because this is the man she loves, but she likes Kevin's version better; it's raw and earnest and when he transitions from angry to scared she feels the sharp shock even more - in the way he suddenly realizes she's not answering him anymore, almost limp in his lap, how the fight leaves his face for half a second before he shakes her, slaps her cheek, then slides his fingers in her hair and finds out that the gush to the side of her head is still bleeding. She doesn't know how Alex does it, either; how she manages to roll off of him like this, countering his anger with a soothing stoicism, not rising to the bait when he scolds her for not listening. Madison can feel the moment when she lets herself go and slip in and out of consciousness, a small, almost invisible smile to her lips, like she's done her best for him and can close her eyes and rest for a second. It's like a dance between them, a give and take. Madison feels uneasy to the pit of her belly, torn between pressing her face to her screen not to miss a beat, or standing to walk closer to the set, almost attracted to the blood and agony like someone would, witnessing a car crash.

Kevin presses a rag to the bleeding wound, and there's blood on his face too from the way he presses his ear to her face to hear her breathing, but the light only focuses on his eyes, the way he blinks his lashes. He lingers a second, like he's wishing to see something else, anything else but his partner bleeding in his arms when he opens his eyes again. "Come on, Sam. Don't do this to _me_."

"And cut!" Steven calls out, pulling his headphones down around his neck and standing. "That was great, you guys. And nice touch using her first name, Kevin." He tilts his head to the side. "If I'd known you'd be so good when your cheerleader is here, I would have told you to bring her along way sooner."

Kevin frowns, looking adorably confused. "My what now?" he asks, at the same time as Colin goes to pull Madison's chair out for her and says, "And that would be your cue."

Alex spots her before Kevin does, Madison can see it at the way her face lights up in recognition despite the caked blood and grime covering her features. She gives Kevin a bump with her elbow and then he sees her, and his whole face lights up too in surprise. "Madison?" He speaks her name like he's not one hundred percent certain that she's really here. Then she gives him a wave of her hand and he beams, huge, puppy-like grin tugging at his mouth. He's on her before she's even made two steps towards him.

Reluctantly, Madison has to lift her hands between them to stop him as he leans in to kiss her. "Nuh-uh, you're dirty," she shakes her head, laughing, "and fake blood _still_ stains." She runs her hand over her white dress. It's a daring color for someone who spends half her day bent over the toilet emptying her stomach, but it's one of the last few dresses from before her pregnancy that still fits - if fitting means the fabric can actually stretch enough over her belly without showing off her underwear. It hugs her bump and chest, making her look ostentatiously pregnant which Kevin loves, so Madison's trying not to focus on the fact that the buttons on the front could snap open anytime if she breathes too harshly. "If I'd known you'd be filming a _Dexter_ -like scene, I would have dressed accordingly."

"And hide that dress beneath a plastic sheet?" Kevin asks, shaking his head. His fingers twitch at his side from restraint. "Hell no. You look so hot." Near them, Colin coughs, and Madison blushes. "You knew about this?" he asks the other man. "You're not supposed to keep things from me!"

"That's the whole point of a _surprise_ , Kevin," Madison chuckles, patting his arm. "Colin was even kind enough to send me a driver."

Kevin clasps Colin's shoulder. "That's my man. Listen, I'm gonna go grab a quick shower, and then I'll give you a tour, okay? Colin, you'll show her the buffet, will you? We have these macaroons you love today."

Kevin presses a quick peck to her cheek, then wipes his relatively clean thumb across the grime streak he's created before disappearing off to his trailer. Madison watches him go with a soft sigh, then turns to his assistant. "No macaroons, thank you. I'm not feeling very well."

Colin frowns, reaching out to steady her as if she were about to faint. "Do you need to sit down? Some water? Anything?"

"No, no, it's the nausea, that's all," Madison gives him a small smile. Kevin's taught him to be as stressed as he is, poor guy. She hopes it gives him some training if he ever wants children, at least, instead of scarring him for life. "Don't worry about it."

Colin looks like he wants to ask more, but the director walks up to them, extending his hand to shake Madison's. "Hi, I'm Steven," he introduces himself like he _has_ to, like she doesn't know who _he_ is, which is oddly refreshing. It makes Madison feel a little less like a fish out of water. "It's so great to have you here, Madison. How did you like it?" He points his thumb at the set. "Great scene today, you really did pick the best time to come and visit."

"I really hope Alex's character makes it," Madison blurts out. "Tell me she makes it."

He gives her a Mona Lisa smile, letting nothing on. "You'll have to wait July, 16th, 2021 to know, like everybody else. Or at least until the week of all the movie premieres. Or until Kevin spills the beans." He chuckles good-naturedly. "Kevin tells me you're an event planner. You mind scheduling a sit-down with my assistant at some point to talk about the press tour? I like to keep my options open, so it'd be cool if we could have a chat."

Madison stares at him, stunned. She's no expert on marketing and PR, but planning an event, even a small one, for a press tour, is a make-or-break moment in her field. It's not every day that she gets an opportunity like this.

She _wouldn't_ without Kevin, though, and Madison knows it. And she doesn't know how to feel about that. She presses her lips, gnawing at the inside, and the older man gently pats her shoulder. "No pressure, of course. Don't want you overworking yourself, I'll never hear the end of it from your man. You focus on taking care of yourself," he says kindly. One of his assistants comes to him, and he shakes her hand again. "So nice to meet you. If you're interested, just tell Kevin, he'll hook you up with one of my people, all right?"

Madison nods her head, feeling like an idiot. "Sure, yeah. Thank you. So much." She grips his hand too tightly, then pulls away. "Really, thank you. I'm just -" She stops, unable to find the words. On one hand she's grateful for the opportunity; on another she just feels so out of her league in this world Kevin lives in where chances are offered so easily because she's wearing an all-access pass with his name branded across it.

He smiles at her one last time before walking away, and Madison feels tired all of a sudden. "Do you mind showing me where Kevin's trailer is?" she asks, turning to Colin. "I'll just wait for him there."

* * *

"You told me this was just another action movie."

Kevin almost jumps back, startled, one hand reaching out to steady the towel wrapped around his hips. "Jesus Christ, Madison," he swears, shaking his head as he places his hand over his heart. "I'm almost forty, you can't scare me like that."

Her eyes rake over his exposed chest, following the trail droplets of water are creating on their way down his abs. Kevin's way too toned and fit to be almost forty. The extra sessions at the gym he's had to do for the movie only sculpted his body further, adding an extra edge to every hard muscle; Madison still can't believe that a man who's been on every billboard this past spring is also in her bed.

Kevin gives her a curious look as he reaches for his clothes, but Madison pats the spot beside her on the couch. Kevin obeys and sits with her; up close it's even harder not to follow a drop of water with her tongue. "I thought this was just about testosterones and badass cops," Madison starts again. " _You_ told me this was an action movie, and I thought...you know, I told myself it'd be nice when the kids are older to show them how badass their daddy was. I mean, you'll _still_ be fine by then - of course you will, you're _you_ ," she waves vaguely at his shape, blushing hard. "But..."

Kevin's brow furrows, and he looks nervous all of a sudden. "But you didn't like it?" he asks, and there's genuine worry in his tone, like what she thinks of what he does means the world to him. Does he really care that much about her opinion?

"No, no, that's not it," Madison shakes her head. It seems absurd to her that he could doubt himself about this. "That scene I just watched...it's going to steal the show. You were amazing, Kevin," she says, awe in her voice. She threads her fingers through his hair, then lets them scratch down his scruffy jaw; he looks even more delicious like that, clean and dark at the same time, she'll have to send flowers or chocolates to the hair and make-up crew for making him look like this. "People will go in expecting an action movie," Madison tries to explain. "Maybe women will go see it because you look hot with that scruff. But no one's going to expect this kind of gut-wrenching performance from you. I know you're going to dominate the audience's attention, because you had _me_ on the edge of my seat."

Kevin's lips stretch in a slow smile. Tilting his head, he kisses the inside of her palm. "You're sweet, but -"

"I'm not," Madison interrupts him. Kevin looks ready to argue about that, but she shushes him with a kiss.

She means it as a simple, quick peck, but as Madison pulls away Kevin follows, eyes closed and lips parted, his mouth seeking hers. Madison stares at his mouth, gently running her thumb over his lower lip; it takes half a second before she gives in, heat rising from her stomach to her chest, and she kisses him back, forgetting about the very elaborated speech she'd rehearsed in her head about how talented he is and how proud she is of him.

Madison makes the most out of his almost-nakedness to let her hands explore him, his skin smooth and radiating heat as her fingers leave his face to brush down the curve of his shoulder, the corded muscle of his arm; she strokes a lone fingertip down his chest and abs, tracing the shape with barely-veiled awe. When she reaches the towel at his hips Kevin's breath hitches, and Madison playfully nips at his bottom lip. "It got me so hot, watching you," she confesses against his mouth, teasing his towel open. Kevin's hand shoots out, gripping her knee. " _So hot_. I kept thinking, I can't believe I'm dating a _freaking movie star_." Her hand boldly dips beneath the towel, fingers grazing against him.

Kevin's hips buck involuntarily into her touch, and he slips his hand behind her head, holding her as he deepens the kiss, intense and hungry. Before Madison makes the conscious decision to she shifts, balancing one leg over his lap so she can grind herself against his firm thigh. "Fuck. What's gotten into you?" he asks, sounding husky and aroused. "Forget that, I love it."

Her hand curls around his neck, her thumb slowly stroking against his pulse; it's hard and fast, and echoes Madison's own furious heartbeat. She brings two fingers to her mouth and licks them, then scrunches up her nose as she spits in her palm, and when Madison wraps her hand around his cock it slides wetly against his skin and Kevin groans deep in his throat. She grazes her teeth into his arched neck, nipping and sucking as warmth and giddiness overwhelm her; it's such a power trip, making Kevin lose control like that, head thrown against the back of the couch, his fingers squeezing and digging into her hip as he tries to help her ride his thigh. The attempt remains vain, though; Kevin gasps, low and hoarse, his eyes crinkling shut from pleasure while Madison moves her hand up and down his length, relishing the sharp, little pants coming from him.

She softens, kissing him slow and sweet, gently stroking him in time with the rocking of her own hips. Perhaps it's the hormones; but Madison's now pretty sure it's just the effect _Kevin_ has on her - watching him work, actually witnessing all the hard work he puts in, raw attempts and efforts and honed skill, is a definite turn-on. He's totally become her own brand of kink, just the sight and feel of him stronger than a dose of heroin. "This movie...it's going to be a game-changer, I can feel it, I'm so happy for you," she tells him, kissing at his brow where it's furrowed, almost like Kevin is frowning at her from the strain of _not_ coming in her hand. Madison twists her hand around his cock while stroking up and down, and Kevin moans loudly. "You liked that?"

Kevin's fingers tighten in her hair as he tips her head back, exposing the column of her throat to him as he starts kissing down. His free hand crawls up the soft skin of her thigh, slipping underneath her dress. It's a tight fit; the fabric doesn't usually stretch over that much flesh. Madison's breathing grows heavier as the tip of his fingers start stroking over her underwear, and her chest annoyingly pushes against the front of her dress from her labored breathing, stretching the garment in a way that's almost obscene. Madison sighs so heavily she blows a piece of hair away.

Kevin grins, wolf-like, as he trails his lips down her sternum, stopping just above the buttons on the front of her dress. He cups her breast, his thumb brushing against the top button. "I know I said I was going to give you a tour, but...I think we need to address the _heavy top_ issue here before a wardrobe malfunction happens."

Madison only slaps his shoulder half-heartedly. She's gained on another three pounds the last couple of weeks only, and all the weight has taken residence in her chest, something that has been driving Kevin wild. Madison rolls her eyes, then tilts her head in surrender, lazily waving at the buttons. "You can, if you want to," she tells him.

Kevin doesn't need to be told twice. He unsnaps all four buttons at once like an impatient kid tearing at their Christmas presents, then all but gawks as he stares at her breasts avidly, eyes filled with wonder.

She still hasn't let him see her naked. Since the night he came back home, sex has been kept to the bedroom, at night, where he can bend her over her dresser and push her dress up her hips, or slip in behind her in bed, his hand leisurely stroking her swollen flesh without Madison having to look at him and see the look in his eyes, awe and reverence and desire for her that flatter and scare her both. Weirdly, it's almost harder for her to believe he wants her than to accept his recent declaration of love. Madison knows she couldn't handle seeing that spark fade away if he saw her completely bare.

She squirms under his scrutiny, and almost buttons her front again. The veins on her breasts are more visible now, the blue trickle underneath her skin and the stretch marks making her look like a zebra. Madison's all too aware of how big she's getting, and how scarred her skin is now; if Kevin saw or touched her beneath her clothes he'd realize just how patchy and rough and bumpy her body feels beneath the touch now.

"You're the most beautiful, half-naked woman that's ever visited me on set and tried to ravish me in my trailer," Kevin grins, smug and affectionate as he nuzzles against her chest, rubbing his stubble against the smooth slope of her breast. "God, you're so -"

"How many women _have_ you slept with on set, exactly?" Madison can't help but ask. She knows she looks like a petulant baby whale like this, with her hands on her hips and her bump creating an inexorable distance between them, but she can't help it. Kevin narrows his eyes, frowning, and Madison sighs. "You know what? Don't answer that. Just - let's go back to -"

Her fingers close on his cock again, squeezing tight at the base, and Kevin rocks his hips in her fist. "Madison," he starts, her name soft in his mouth as he brushes her hair away from her face, cupping her chin in his hand until she looks at him. " _Baby_. Look at me."

Madison does, and he's looking at her in that soft, tender way, heart on his sleeve, and though she sighs again, Madison can't help feeling herself melt. "I was _trying_ to be sexy," she tells him; can hear the aggravated whine in her tone.

Kevin shakes his head, chuckling softly. "You don't have to _try_ ," he says, "you're so goddamn sexy all the time."

Madison considers telling him about the other day when her breasts started leaking and milk crusted and how she now has scabs on her nipples; in a way, it'd almost help if Kevin could be as grossed out by her as she is with herself. It's a terrible, weird thought, Madison knows, but - that's how she feels anyway. Kevin looks at her like she hung the moon in the sky and sometimes she wishes he didn't, which she can't tell anyone but her shrink because any normal human being would tell her she's crazy for wanting the man she loves to stop seeing her as a goddess. But the more he thinks she's perfect, the bigger the distance between how she sees herself and how he does grows, and meeting him halfway seems an even more impossible task. That's a vicious circle she doesn't know how to break yet.

Kevin runs his tongue over the upper curve of her breasts, stopping above the lace of her bra, never pushing her, and Madison focuses on her breathing to force the tension to roll off her body and relax. "You okay?" Kevin asks kindly, steadying her with one hand at her waist.

He's got this moony haze in his eyes as he looks up at her, and Madison nods her head. "Mmh, yeah. I was just..." She wriggles her fingers at her head.

"Stuck in there?"

"Yeah."

His hand slides to her back, where he rubs soothingly. "Wanna talk about it?"

She shakes her head no. "I don't want to talk." She doesn't. He's hot and hard beneath her, and whether she understand it or not, it's because he wants her; Madison doesn't want to ruin that by sharing her weird inner thinking. Slowly, she leans in, trailing a path of kisses up his neck to his jaw; then she runs her hand down his body until it closes around his erection again. Kevin's sharp intake of breath fans against her cheek. "Anyone ever blew you in your trailer, Mr. Hot Shot?" she asks in his ear.

"Fuck." He sounds strangled, his voice hoarse. His fingers dig at her hip, and he thrusts in her fist. "Jesus, Madison."

His mouth seeks hers, and Madison lets him. It's a mere brush of lips, messy and sloppy, his breathing hot and heavy against hers. She circles her thumb over his head, spreading the droplet of pre-come that's leaked there. "Yes or no?" Madison doesn't know where this boldness is coming from, she's never been this forthcoming and free.

"No. _No_ ," he insists as she cocks an eyebrow at him, surprised. "I'm not George Clooney, you know. Women don't line up at my door to blow me between doing my make-up and rehearsing lines."

"Okay. That's good." It's a boost to her confidence, one she desperately needed. He might not be an A-list actor, he's _still_ been dating actresses and models and who knows how many famous, stunning women for over a decade. It's hard to compete, even if Kevin would tell her she doesn't have to. Madison _knows_ she doesn't have to; it doesn't stop her from wanting him to want her, to yearn for her, and not just _settle_ for her. She doesn't want him to wake up one day and realize he could do so much better. "I wanted at least one movie star thing that was...only with me."

Kevin nods eagerly. "Never have I ever had sex with the mother of my children in my trailer," he starts, suckling her earlobe in his mouth. "Nor have I ever made her come so hard she can't walk straight for a day."

Madison giggles, heat still rising to her cheeks in a second, making her feel warm and bothered. "I _already_ waddle like a duck."

"Good, no one will notice the difference, then," Kevin chuckles.

His hand dips under the skirt of her dress again, but Madison slaps it away. "This is _my_ show," she scolds him as she pushes off of him and stands on wobbling knees. She's very aware of just how depraved she must look, with the front of her dress open and her breasts almost spilling out of her bra, and the skirt hiked up over her thighs. Kevin seems to appreciate the view, though, if the way he palms lazily at his cock, dazed eyes and lopsided smile, is any indication. "God, you're such a goddamn porn star," Madison says fondly.

"Hey, I've always been very adamant about _not_ showing my penis on screen," Kevin argues half-heartedly as he watches her standing there with her hands on her hips, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "Madison," he speaks her name softly. "You don't have to -"

"I'm just considering the logistics of it," she interrupts him, giving him a smile that could have passed for innocent ten minutes ago, but now betrays just how much she wants this, too. She shoves her embarrassment aside, and gestures at the pile of throw pillows beside him on the couch. "Sharesies?"

Kevin nods, and gathers them all in his arms and settles them on the floor. "You sure?" he asks again.

Madison would almost believe he doesn't want to if she didn't know he's just being sweet and thoughtful. And, well, she's had her hand wrapped around him, so. "I'm pregnant, Kevin, not disabled. I can still blow your mind," she deadpans.

"I have no doubt about that." He nods his head, looking up at her with amazement. Gently he tugs at her, guiding her closer, and presses a soft kiss to her belly. "Nap time, you guys, all right?"

He's so ridiculous, Madison can't help ruffling his hair like she would do a child's. "There's no study that shows babies can remember anything about their parents having sex, I looked it up."

"Yeah, maybe, but we're pretty good at beating the odds," Kevin counters.

Madison rolls her eyes. "Come on, help me down," she asks for help, giving him her hands for balance. "It's a lot less easy and sexy to shimmy down when you've lost all sense of balance." It's also a lot less easy to fake it until she makes it once all's said and done and she scraps her palm along his thigh, swallowing nervously. "Not to be a killjoy, but...I've never really been good at this," Madison says matter-of-factly. "Like, if there were a college course, I'd be a C- at best."

Kevin chuckles warmly, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. " _Definitely_ not what I remember, but all right." He lays back, and the man dares to _wink_ at her. "Do your worst, babe. Trust me, you can't get it wrong."

His shit-eating grin banishes her uncertainty. Madison strokes her palm across his groin, to his hipbone to still him as she retaliates by nipping the sensitive skin there. His hips shoot up against her pressed hand. "Too much teeth?" she asks with a smug grin of her own.

"You're evil," Kevin says, sounding out of breath already as he threads his fingers in her messy locks. "I love you so much."

He's just so casual with his feelings, so careless with how warm and happy he is, his heart giving everything away, it emboldens her. She wriggles down and leans over him, her tongue softly fluttering over the tip of his cock, experimenting. Kevin groans, his fingers leaving her hair to curl around the edge of the couch.

It's an awkward thing, the blowjob - or at least, Madison's always thought so. It's the logistics of it that makes it impracticable and messy, and she's never been a fan of kneeling before a man; most men are already so fond of themselves, she isn't eager to prove them right despite her general obsession with being a people pleaser. But Kevin isn't bucking in her mouth like he's trying to make her gag, or pulling at her hair, or, _worse_ , telling her how good she looks swallowing him down, which is possibly the worst part about oral sex: men thinking they have to comment on the obvious and dirty talk their way through coming on her tongue.

With Kevin it feels different though; not so much like he's dominating her, but like _she'_ s the one holding the power here, having him like putty in her hands as she strokes up his length and focuses her attention on the sensitive skin beneath the head. It doesn't even feel like power anymore, just her wanting him and him wanting her, and Madison slides her mouth down his cock, taking as much of him as she can. She smiles around him as she feels him stiffen and grow, and she hollows her cheeks as she draws back, then relaxes as she pushes forward and starts a slow, steady rhythm that makes him hum with pleasure above her.

Looking up at him with an arm slumped across his face, lips parted and ragged breathing, the knuckles of his hand white as they clench around the couch, Madison feels herself getting hotter, pride and excitement over driving him crazy. She swirls her tongue around him and Kevin shudders. "You - not a goddamn thing to show you," he chokes out.

Madison carefully pulls back and lets his cock slip from her mouth, giving it a last, quick lap with the flat of her tongue. She settles her hands on his thighs, and pushes his legs apart. She runs her hand along him, gripping his tightly stretched foreskin and drawing it back and forth upon his length. With the fingers of her free hand she tentatively strokes his balls, watching Kevin's reactions with rapt attention. His hips rock into her, and his cock pulsates in her closed fist, more clear liquid oozing from the tip. She tastes it with her tongue, smearing it onto the head as she keeps fondling him, mirroring the motion of her fingers with her mouth as she wraps it around his shaft and curls her tongue on the underside, humming softly around him.

The added vibration makes Kevin groan loudly. "Jesus, fuck," he curses, fumbling for purchase as he slides his fingers through her hair, trying to tilt her face up and lift her to him. "Come here, baby."

Madison shakes off the greedy, wanting kisses. Her knees are starting to hurt despite the amount of pillows beneath them, and there's a pinprick sensation starting at the small of her back as she bobs her head up and down his cock. She _needs_ to get him off before she reaches her new limits. "Tell me," she demands. She sucks him all the way into her mouth, her hand covering the lower base her mouth can't reach. His hips cant up of their own volition, and Madison feels his fingers against her temple, grazing her cheek, his thumb stroking over the roundness where she feels her skin flushing. It's a mere presence, like a reminder that he's here, that she's not just doing this with any man, that it's Kevin she wants to come undone.

She lets go of his cock and leans into his touch, petting him lazily, absently squeezing his balls. His head lolls back as she does, and Madison asks again. "Tell me what you want."

He's watching her with half-lidded eyes, his bottom lip red from biting on it. Madison runs her tongue over his balls in long, lavish strokes, waiting. Focusing on the feel of him makes it easier to get herself in the mood to be sexy and untamed. "Jesus, fuck, Madison," he breathes heavily, his voice so hoarse he coughs a little. "Need to feel you around me."

"Yeah, no," Madison shakes her head. "You don't get to be the only one who can brag about how multi-orgasmic you make people."

He drags his hand across his face, making a desperate noise. "Almost forty," he reminds her reluctantly. "And _not_ a real porn star. I can't - I just need some time, is all." He narrows his eyes at her like she's personally responsible for his refractory period.

Madison smirks at him. It's not often that she gets to be the smug and cocky one, so she fully enjoys it. She takes a look at her watch. "We've got another three hours before we need to leave to make it to our dinner reservation, and Lauren's always late anyway. Gives us plenty of time for round one, then round two, a shower... _and_ maybe then you can still give me a tour." She shrugs one shoulder, tilting her head to the side. She frowns. "I don't want Colin to think he had me driven here just so I could get some, you know? They're all gonna notice we've been gone a while, aren't they?"

Kevin laughs. "You were just..." His chuckling gets deeper, and he all but hauls her up and balances her astride his lap. "Only you," he murmurs fondly before kissing her, hungry and messy and grinning against her mouth.

When her hand dips down again, there's no more argument on Kevin's part.

* * *

_to be continued_


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison strokes her fingers up his temple, tangling them in his hair. "You're going to be a great father. You already are." She drops another kiss to his mouth, teasingly nipping at his lower lip. "I'm really, really glad I didn't damage your penis back on that first night."
> 
> Kevin laughs, warm and inviting, and Madison doesn't want to resist him when he cuffs his hand at the nape of her neck and parts her lips with his own, unhurried and sweet. His free palm glides over her shoulder and down to her hip, gently squeezing. "So am I," he chuckles. "I like my penis attached to the rest of my body. And preferably inside yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going back to work full-time is a bitch; but here's some smut and fluff to soothe it

"I'm dead," Kevin moans low in his throat, his eyes still foggy with that aftermath glow as he gazes at her lovingly. "Damaged, at the very least."

Madison rolls her eyes, then nips at his earlobe in retaliation; Kevin lets out a hoarse, half-torn sound of pleasure when she runs her tongue along the top part of his ear. "I'm pretty sure it's _actually_ impossible to suck someone dry," she assures him, "or else they would have already used that storyline on _Grey's Anatomy_." Madison pauses dramatically, then pretends to remember as she taps a lone fingertip to her chin. "Although they _did_ have that episode where Lexie breaks Mark's penis..."

"You're kidding, right?" Madison struggles to keep a straight face, and Kevin's eyes go wide. "Jesus, that's not possible. It can't be. How accurate is that show, anyway?" he asks, dread obvious in his tone.

Madison bites at the inside of her cheek, then reaches for his phone on the coffee table. She types "Grey's Anatomy broken penis episode" then clicks on the first link. " _Broken penis episode in Grey's Anatomy sparks frantic internet search among men_ ," she reads aloud. " _Consultant Mark Sloan - otherwise known as McSteamy - suffered a fractured member after indulging in illicit sex in the on-call room_. Damn. At-work sex _is_ dangerous Maybe we should refrain from..."

She watches Kevin as he gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing hard; Madison can just see the cogs working in his head. She almost reminds him that she's the one who's going to be torn in half by his giant babies. Leaning down Madison presses a very soft kiss to the groove above his upper lip before tracing her tongue down and kissing him. "You big baby," she murmurs against his lips. She exits the search engine, then feels her eyes widening in surprise as she spots a very unusual app on Kevin's phone. "Why do you have a labor contraction timer app _already_?" she asks him, cocking an eyebrow at him. "I'm not due before another three months at the _very_ _least_ , and I'm trying to close a deal with the twins so that they'll actually wait until October."

Kevin's mouth opens, then twitches into a half, self-deprecating pout. "I'm trying to be prepared. I don't know anything about babies and labor beside what I've seen on medical dramas, which I don't watch a lot to begin with," Kevin shrugs, casual and honest in that oxytocin-made-me-say-it, easy way. "I know I'm gonna be a massive pile of nerves, so I'm trying to make myself useful. I don't want to feel overwhelmed and clueless. I want to support you." He tips his chin at his phone. "I've been reading up on useful tips for dads and the number one on every list was: know what to expect. So I figured I should probably download all the apps I can find."

Madison feels stunned at just how open he is to his own vulnerability; how easily he accepts that he doesn't know everything and that he isn't any more ready than she is for this next big adventure. She's been putting off finding a midwife because it feels so daunting, having to choose someone, to include them in her and their intimacy, to tell them things she doesn't dare say out loud, to think about a birth plan - actually making any kind of decisions when she doesn't know anything about giving birth and being a mother. Has she enlisted them for enough classes? If she doesn't even know what she wants, how can she be her own advocate and make sure that she's doing the best thing for their babies? How can she know what's best for them when she doesn't even know how to take care of herself?

She shakes her head to herself, then Madison cups Kevin's neck, tracing her fingers up slowly through his scruffy cheeks. "You're the best, you know that, right?" she says softly. She's so, so in love with this man, it's insane and it's so freaking scary. She could spend the rest of her life wrapped up into him, folding herself to his side until she can't tell the difference between them. Dr. Mason would tell her it's the hormones, the rise in her oxytocin and endorphins levels right after sex, and the hormonal tsunami her pregnancy is washing over her, making her bond to him deeper and stronger; _but_ she loves Kevin when she wakes up and finds him there, snoring softly beside her; when he snaps a candid picture of her and gushes over how lovely she looks; when he comes home to his clothes messing with the perfect organization of hers, but it's his clothes _and_ her clothes now - it's not perfect and it's not their home _yet_ but they're getting there, Kevin staying every night, all the things he needs at her house and not his anymore. They're living together and he's becoming her family as much as Lauren and Kate are, in a different way but just as strongly, and she loves him so, _so much_.

Madison strokes her fingers up his temple, tangling them in his hair. "You're going to be a great father. You already _are_." She drops another kiss to his mouth, teasingly nipping at his lower lip. "I'm really, really glad I didn't damage your penis back on that first night."

Kevin laughs, warm and inviting, and Madison doesn't want to resist him when he cuffs his hand at the nape of her neck and parts her lips with his own, unhurried and sweet. His free palm glides over her shoulder and down to her hip, gently squeezing. "So am I," he chuckles. "I like my penis attached to the rest of my body. And preferably inside yours."

Madison snorts, so loud she head-butts him, her forehead clashing against his. "Wow, oh, I'm sorry," she keeps laughing through the tingle of pain, bringing her hand to her mouth to cover her snort-giggles. "That's not true, I'm not even sorry, you deserved it. You're such a _romantic_ , Kevin." She shakes her head at him. "This was the _worst_ pick-up line ever and I can't even tell anybody because no one's gonna believe that you're such a dork."

Kevin rubs at his own forehead, then hers, wiping his thumb across the red spot blooming there. "People are gonna think I'm beating you," he sighs, rolling his eyes.

"I'll tell them you poked me with -"

He presses his hand to her mouth, only spreading his fingers enough to press a kiss to her lips in the gap. "Don't finish that sentence. You'll ruin my very smooth pick-up line."

"Smooth, smooth," Madison mumbles, reaching out to him, brushing her fingers against his softening cock. After one inning in her hand, he's not quite ready for another big win yet, but she feels him twitch against her touch as she explores putting pressure around the shaft. " _Not_ so smooth. Maybe we can use that app of yours, see how long it takes you to be ready again."

"Hell no." Kevin pants against her mouth. "How - how do you rank your dirty talk skills, on a scale from _meh_ to _I think I'm terrible at blowjobs but my boyfriend begs to differ_? Because this - this is really working."

Madison feels her cheeks heating up. Half the time with Kevin she doesn't know what she's doing - one moment she's feeling shy and embarrassed, the next she's bold and wild and can't help running her hands over him, never consciously deciding which one she'll be next, the sex kitten or the prude. She feels sixteen all over again, testing the waters, trying to figure out what _makes_ a good girlfriend - except with him it doesn't feel so much like having to check all the boxes from some idealized list of requirements. Madison's never seen herself as a very sensual person, but he's making this new side of her come out; she can't say she's mad about it. "Mmh, let's go with _not half bad_."

Kevin chuckles. "Not half bad. Jesus. I'll take your not half bad every day over anything else." He presses a kiss to the side of her jaw, softly trailing a path down her neck as he slides his hand in her hair. He runs the tips of his fingers through the strands, over her scalp gently, then a bit harder with a tug. Madison lets out a loud, needy moan, and Kevin pulls just a tad harder, before letting go. The playful teasing is driving her crazy, and Madison can feel the resulting surge of heat between her legs, her underwear sticking to her skin.

"Kevin..." she moans his name, her fingers digging into his ribs as she seeks some purchase, hugging him closer. Half-sprawled on top of him, with her legs slung across his lap and her back digging into the couch, Kevin caging her in, she's fully trapped and overwhelmed by him, all of her senses filled with Kevin. The taste of his mouth and the feel of his swollen, almost bruised lips from all her nibbling; the graze of his scruff against the thin, sensitive skin of her neck; his sweaty, heady musk; the sight of his muscles flexing as he wraps his arm around her, his hand stroking up her leg and thigh, stretching the fabric of her dress as he slips it underneath.

The angle and pressure should be all wrong; but the instant Kevin's fingers brush against her underwear Madison keens, her lashes fluttering shut at the feeling. It's crazy - after her first hookup with Kevin she hadn't felt like this, completely hooked on the taste of his mouth and the feel of his hands on her, but now she can't get enough of him and it's not just the hormones and the constant horniness. Her sex drive has never been this high, it's true; but Madison's never felt this close to someone, this needy, an overdose of pleasure that goes beyond sex. It's the _intimacy_ she's addicted to.

When Kevin touches her there's no more room for self-doubt. She believes - no, she _knows_ \- that he loves her then, just as surely as his touch is firm and steady, his lips everywhere, trailing hot kisses down her throat, mouthing at her breasts, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It'd be so easy for him to rush this part; she's on the edge all the time these days, one look from him enough to set her aflame, but Kevin refuses to hurry. Even when her nails scrap over the contours of his abs, her hips shooting up, he never quickens the slow, seductive pace of his kisses; he's kissing her like they've got all the time in the world, teasing and sweet and possessive and desperate, from tentative to purposeful with the way he nudges her chin up so he can nuzzle her neck, his hand warm as he pushes her back down against the pillows.

His touch says _I want you_ , but the groan that comes from deep within him as she writhes beneath him speaks of _need_ , something carnal and primal that suits Madison just fine. She doesn't have to think when Kevin's like this, when he gets her like this, hot and writhing and moaning, she just has to focus on _feeling_. Kevin running a finger along the waistband of her panties, sucking in his breath when he slides it down and notices just how slick she already is. Kevin nudging her dress up, just the tiniest bit, and bending down to lick the spot he's just exposed. His tongue tracking downward, every ounce of self-consciousness Madison ever owned flying off the window when it connects with her clit even over the fabric. She squeezes her thighs around his head and Kevin gets the message loud and clear, dragging her underwear down her legs, lips and teeth and tongue working their way up the ticklish spot behind her knee, nipping at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, and _finally_ , finally settling at her folds. He laps at her with the broad of his tongue, humming softly as he tastes her; gentle licks and soft sucks around her clit, sending her libido in overdrive. Kevin nudges her thighs apart, bending one knee higher, strong fingers cupping her thigh as he opens her to him. Madison reaches for him, grabbing his head, fingers sliding in his hair as he focuses on her clit, flicking his tongue across it; her vision turns blurry, a white-hot neon haze as she closes her eyes and cants her hips up, begging for more. She's used to chasing her orgasms, to feel them allude her, but today she's a piece of cake, reaching zero to sixty in a mere minutes; their fingers lace together, resting against the side of her belly as Kevin redoubles his efforts, feeding this bottomless pit of desire Madison has for him, coiling hot and low in her belly.

She's not fast enough to cover her mouth with her hand and Madison comes loudly, panting and moaning, surrendering to everything inside of her - how much she wants him and needs him, now, and in her life, always. It's sex and it's more than sex again, more than mere bodies coming together. It feels like he knows her and with him letting go and giving in is easy, so easy as she suppresses incoherent noises of pleasure, biting into her bottom lip as Madison shatters.

Kevin squeezes her fingers, bringing her back to him. He presses soft pecks to the inside of her thigh, the underside of her bump, squeezing her hipbone, electric pulses sweeping across her whole body as he does, the aftershocks of the earth-shattering orgasm he just gave her. "Did you - are you just really worked up, or do _I_ have even just the slightest part in it?" Kevin laughs.

She tries to roll her eyes, but her head is still too foggy. Instead, Madison groans. "You don't need me to tell you this was an A+ performance, you jerk. It's _you_ , Kevin. _You_ get me like this." She tugs at his hand and Kevin scoots closer and up her body, fitting himself between her side and the back of the couch. "My whole body feels like jelly now. You're gonna have to do all the work," she sighs, failing to sound or look annoyed, not with the way her mouth twitches into a lazy, lovesick grin. "Do whatever you want."

Kevin stops midway through pressing the softest kiss to the corner of her mouth, and chuckles against her cheek. "As much as I like you like this, all pliant and blissed out, I still prefer you to be an active participant."

He dusts his lips against hers, and Madison raises her hand to his face, brushing her fingers to his jaw rough with stubble. "Can't move. Can't walk for a week. You'll have to cancel our dinner reservation."

"And what am I supposed to tell your brother and sister?" Kevin asks, laughing. " _I'm sorry, but your sister was too horny and one thing leading to another, I broke her?_ "

Madison nods her head, feeling all sleepy all of a sudden. "Yeah, sounds good," she murmurs. "Lauren will probably high-five you, she's been pestering me for details about our sex life."

"And your brother will punch me in the face," Kevin argues. He wraps his arm across her belly, pressing his hand to her back as he maneuvers to turn her to him. She wasn't kidding when she told him she felt like jelly; her shoulders dig heavily into the couch, and she has no strength left to prop herself on her side. "Come on, Madison. Help me here."

He dips his face to her neck, suckling at a spot below her ear before moving down to the hollow of her throat where he worries her flesh with his teeth and tongue, Madison will probably have to stop by the make-up trailer to cover the spot with some foundation. Truth be told, she'll have to drop home for a shower and a change of clothes anyway; she carries some spare underwear in her purse because discharges and spotting are a real, less than glamorous pregnancy thing, and there's just no way she goes to the restaurant wearing a dress that sticks to her skin and reeking of sex and hormones. If Christopher sees her in this state he _will_ probably punch Kevin because big brothers never stop seeing their little sisters as innocent flowers (insert big, fat _ugh_ ), and that's _not_ how Madison pictured her brother meeting the father of her children.

Kevin kisses her temple, her cheek, his lips slowly coaxing hers apart. Madison sighs in his mouth, boneless tired and a livewire all at once. She can feel a flush blooming across her chest as his big, warm hand cups a breast, his thumb softly flicking across her nipple. "God, you're _so_ beautiful," he murmurs against her mouth.

His eyes are glossy and dazed as he stares at her chest, watching her reaction as he gently rolls her nipple between his fingers through the lace of her bra. Her breasts are bigger now, falling heavy in his hand, filling it. He's a sight; watching him looking at her like this, like she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, even with the extra weight, _because_ of the extra weight and curves, makes Madison's heart melt. "It unhooks at the front," she tells him softly.

Kevin's fingers still. He absently licks at his lips, looking at her under his lashes. "You sure?" he asks gently.

Sprawled like she is, all tired limbs and disheveled clothes, her hair a tangled mess and her skin flushing bright pink, Madison figures there isn't much more he hasn't seen already. "Yeah," she breathes out, shrugging. Kevin tilts his head so he's looking her in the eye, like he's making sure she's sure. "Kevin," she speaks his name, sighing. "Just go ahead. I know you want to."

His half-torn expression doesn't last long. Madison almost laughs at how quickly his argument about wanting her to be sure dies on his lips and how he looks like a kid on Christmas morning, unwrapping a present, eyes gone wide as he deftly unsnaps her bra and her breasts come spilling out. They're fuller and firmer now, more sensitive, too, and Madison all but _whimpers_ when he swipes his thumb against her nipple without the barrier of fabric. Kevin teases her with gentle kisses on the soft undersides; trails his tongue between her breasts, kissing down as far down her sternum as he can before reaching the last open button on the front of her dress. When he draws a nipple in his mouth her back arches like a bow, and Madison tangles her fingers in his hair, holding him there. "Go slow," she tells him in a rasp. "Not too hard."

Kevin hums his assent, softly lavishing his tongue over her nipple. "This good?"

Madison nods her head, unable to do much more. He feels so good, she almost wants to kick herself for not letting him do this sooner. Kevin's fingers are impossibly soft as they move to her other breast, and the combined sensation of his mouth and his touch makes her forget all about how insecure she felt about her new curves and the scabs on her breasts. He moves his hand down and cups her, his fingers sliding over just the right spot with such perfect precision she arches up in need, not knowing what she needs more between his tongue and his fingers. Madison doesn't even understand how she's alive right now, so worked up and riled up for him when moments ago she felt ready to fall asleep. Kevin curls two fingers inside her, his thumb idly stroking her clit, and it's the middle of the afternoon and it's sunny and bright outside and by all means she should feel so embarrassed about letting him see her like this, heat flaring in her cheeks, wiggling and whimpering under his touch, but Madison doesn't care about any of that. She doesn't, because it feels like her skin is sizzling, and she can't help crying out as her hips buck into his hand, seeking more. Fumbling almost blindly as she can't see much past Kevin's head, Madison palms his cock, feeling it swell in her hand, needing him inside her right now. " _Please_ ," she can't help begging.

"Fuck," Kevin swears, slowly letting go of her breast with one last swipe of his tongue across her nipple as he pulls back. "I've got you, baby. Tell me what you want." Madison manages to open one lid long enough to give him a look that says _are you kidding me right now_ , _I want you_ , and Kevin mumbles an apology. "Yeah, no, your body feels like jelly, can't move, I know, I'm sorry," he says, dropping an open-mouthed kiss to her shoulder as he runs his hand down to her hip and nudges at her side. Madison props herself just enough to help and rolls to her side, his chest fitting perfectly against her back as Kevin strokes his hand down to her thigh. "Like this?" he asks in her ear.

She feels his hard length against the back of her thighs, and Madison nods, her cheek pressing into the inside of the arm Kevin slid beneath her neck. "Yes. God, _yes_ ," she moans, biting into the sensitive skin in the hollow of his elbow as she feels Kevin spreading her legs apart with one of his own, then the head of his cock rubbing against her before he slowly pushes in. He can't go deep like this, the position only allowing a more shallow penetration, but Madison only needed to feel him inside her, to have him so close, and Kevin doesn't seem to mind either. When she reaches behind her and digs her fingers in his ass he thrusts harder into her, and starts suckling on the thin skin of her neck.

She'll _definitely_ need to find some foundation if she doesn't want everyone on set to know exactly what they've been doing in here.

"Should have asked you to come visit sooner," Kevin breathes out in her ear, panting. "Maybe it's time you go on maternity leave, so you can spend all your afternoons here."

"Kind of counterproductive, movie-wise," Madison argues weakly, closing her eyes. She still can't believe she's doing _this_. She's the epitome of conservative about sex and romance, never sleeping with a man on the first date even if she'd want to because she doesn't want to seem too eager or too easy, refraining from too much cuddling and coddling so she doesn't feel like too much. Until this day Madison had never ventured outside of her bedroom or her house, never had sex with someone in a place where anyone could just come and knock on the door or hear them, never had sex in the middle of the day when the light is bright and there's nowhere to hide. She doesn't know how they went from nothing since their hookup to the certainty that he wants her as much as she wants him, without any restraint or condition to their relationship, but she feels drunk on that feeling; rides the high as long as she can.

Kevin nuzzles his face in the crook of her neck. He's so affectionate, puppy-like as he nibbles on her earlobe and presses lazy kisses wherever he can reach. Lacing their fingers together, Kevin moves their joined hands to her belly where he strokes her bump, sucking in a breath at her swollen flesh; it almost makes Madison mourn the loss of being pregnant in a few months. Clearly this is a turn-on for him, and though she doesn't understand it, it makes her feel good, the absolute certainty that he wants _her_. His hand is a warm presence that makes her feel safe - tucked between him and their babies, filling her, it's the last place Madison ever expected herself to be but there's nowhere else she'd rather be. "Okay, _maybe_ I can fit you in my schedule," Madison agrees. He's tipped her over - out of her head and into her body, feeling so at peace with him feeling so good inside her, she can't deny him.

Kevin kisses her warm temple. "Love how you can sound both eager and put upon at the same time," he chuckles fondly. "Can't get over you like this," he goes on, rubbing his hand across her belly as he pulls back and thrusts into her deep. "You're so gorgeous."

Madison lets out a breathy whine, rocking back into him as much as she can with the way he's bracketing her into his side. How is he doing this to her - making her feel so alive and good and safe?

Maybe she'll figure it out later. It doesn't really matter right now.

* * *

"Oh my God, you look like that Carrie Bradshaw bus ad," Lauren gushes as she hugs her. "You know the one. _Madison Simons knows good sex and isn't afraid to ask_."

"Can you be any _louder_?" Madison hisses through her teeth, pushing her sister back into her chair before seating herself at the table, her hair flopping around as she looks around her to check no one else heard. She nuzzles her nose in her shoulder, sniffing her hair; it smells like Kevin's shampoo, but she definitely no longer reeks of afternoon hook-up.

Lauren stares at her, studying her for a moment. Then her lips curl into a slow, almost feline grin. "I _knew_ it," she says, beaming and smug. "I could see the glow on your face on those pictures, but up front it's even more obvious. You listened to your smarter, wiser sister for once!"

Madison sighs, shaking her head. "No mention of my sex life in front of Christopher, you hear me?" Madison warns her, then stops and frowns. "Wait, what pictures? What are you talking about?"

Lauren fishes her phone from her purse and slides it over the table. "You really need to put an alert with your name and Kevin's," she says. "Where is he, anyway?"

"On the phone with his step-father," Madison answers, tipping her chin to the restaurant entrance before making a quick grab for her sister's phone. She rolls her eyes at the title of the article.

**Kadison or Kevison? Who cares, I ship it!**

By Holland Rhodes, 06/25/2020

_It's really hard being mad at the woman who stole Kevin Pearson from us when she's so damn adorable. The official Instagram account for Pearson's next project, where he'll appear as a "veteran LAPD detective" (please, please, let us get one flashback of him in uniform for the love of everything holy) opposite Alex Vargas Suarez, just posted a bunch of cute pictures of the future mother-to-be visiting our man - okay, **hers** \- on set and let's be real - these two are **#couplesgoals**._

_Just look at this adorable sweetheart with her headphones watching her man work! Look at this baby bump! How **obsessed** are we with that baby bump? It just feels like we went from the tiniest, cutest little swell to this full-blown bump. And how crazy are we about the height difference? She hardly looks Tall Enough to Ride and Pearson basically invented Tall, Sexy and Handsome. He could just put her away in his pocket and we're here for it._

" _Hardly_ _Tall Enough to Ride_? Jesus," Madison mutters under her breath. "What's that even supposed to mean? I'm not _that_ small."

"You are," Lauren disagrees. "Or, well, Kevin's _that_ tall. It _is_ true that you could just climb him up like a koala."

Madison flicks through the pictures Colin posted on the movie Instagram account. They've already gotten more _likes_ than the three latest posts combined. There isn't much about the movie out so far; Kevin's given her a crash course about the promotional cycle and how it's such a personality-driven business, audiences tending to care more about behind-the-scenes and actors' love lives than whoever's directing the movie or what it's actually about, so that the PR strategy focuses more on promoting their actors and making them trend-worthy. A picture of Alex and her two sons visiting her on set gets more attention and publicity than releasing some filmmaking process videos than people tend to care less about since so much of that process is conducted in full public view; besides, the two boys are adorable. At the end of the day, directors, actors, PR, the entire crew, may be promoting a movie, but they _are_ the product. And sharing the private life of a very public man makes Madison part of that process, too. She gets it; and ultimately, the attention can benefit her career too, so she doesn't mind Kevin's assistant sharing a few pictures of her - and Kevin was so sweet, asking her if she was okay with it, like, _four_ times, while simultaneously telling her that it's her choice and that she doesn't have to feel pressured to do anything she doesn't feel comfortable with. Madison's found that Kevin _and_ consent is a deadly combination to her heart.

She should have taken a look at the pictures first, though. Maybe she's only seeing it because she knows _how_ she and Kevin spent their afternoon in his trailer, but there _is_ a sort of aura around her on the pictures Colin posted - her skin looks rosy and flushed, her eyes bright, and she's wearing a hazy, lovesick smile that screams of orgasmic bliss. Madison's at such an unfair disadvantage compared to Kevin, who always looks camera-ready, his skin looking much tanner and healthier than hers, no one will look at him and think he's just spent the last hour toppling her over the edge.

They do look pretty good together, though. Madison might look like a fool in love, but Kevin looks just as enamored. There's a picture of him showing her around and his eyes are so soft, so fond, Madison's pretty sure that look could garner him some nomination; Kevin could make the most pessimistic person a believer.

He makes _her_ believe in love, in being loved for herself, or maybe in spite of herself, but loved all the same. And Madison's wanted to believe in a love like that for so long, in a love that conquers hurt and disappointment and betrayal, a love that soothes all the previous heartbreaks, for someone to make her feel like she actually means something. It's in his eyes and in his words and it shows in every decision he makes for them, staying to build something and make it work.

Madison scrolls through the rest of the article, but there's no mention of her looking all worn out from doing cardio with Kevin. Instead the article praises her style, her mommy glow, and lists half a dozen reasons to be on _#TeamKevison_. "We have a ship name. I can't believe it. That's like, another level entirely."

"I think you're giving people hope," Lauren says. "All these girls out there mooning over Chris Evans will think it's possible to just meet your celebrity crush and marry him now."

Madison shakes her head again. "Kevin and I aren't getting married, Laurie," she argues, giving her sister her phone back. "And I didn't have a crush on him. Or, like, not a celebrity crush. Just a tiny crush. Not even a real crush, there was just this night where I thought..." She waves her hand. "You know."

Lauren shrugs, almost pouting. "I actually don't. I'm still trying to piece the timeline together, you know. How my little sister ended up dating the manny."

"I was wondering the same," her brother's voice comes from behind. He sounds just like their father, both in the tone of his voice, deep and slightly stern, and the way he speaks. "Where is he, anyway?" he asks as he absently hugs Madison's side before taking a seat beside Lauren.

She hasn't seen him since his birthday dinner in February, a mere couple of weeks after her hookup with Kevin. Christopher still looks at her like she's a kid sometimes, a confused look in his eyes as he takes her in; even sitting down her bump is a can't-miss, and it must be weird for him too, after all, seeing her like this when he's never even met Kevin. "He's on the phone with his step-father. It shouldn't be long, but he and his mom are flying in tomorrow night and we're picking them up at the airport on our way to dinner at Kate's. She's picking up Beth and the girls in the afternoon. There's just... just a few things to check. Tons of things, really."

Christopher nods, looking somber all of a sudden. Madison hasn't spent as much time catching up with him as she has with Lauren, but she knows these two talk, and that her brother is aware that so far, their parents haven't been taking the news of her pregnancy so well. They didn't bother answering her invitation to the party properly, not quite saying they weren't coming, but not saying they were, either. Madison isn't expecting them to show up, but she can't pretend it doesn't hurt, or that it won't be awkward, especially in contrast to the Pearson clan's united front. At least Randall's absence won't make it look like her family is so terrible.

"I called the salon, by the way," Lauren jumps in. "I booked three spots for the girls, if they change their minds. What's their names again? I remember Tess, but I can't remember the others. I should have taken notes."

"Deja is the older one," Madison starts. "I only ever saw her at Kate's wedding and she was a bit sullen and moody back then, but I guess that's just how teenagers are. Plus there's the whole adoption thing, I guess it couldn't be easy for her. Then there's Tess, I think she's the one Kevin is closest to. And then there's Annie, she's ten, I think."

"Ten years apart between the babies and their cousins," Christopher notes. "Like us."

Madison smiles. "Yeah, like us. The girls are pretty excited, from what Kevin told me. He spends a lot more time on the phone with them, since he and his brother...well, he calls his sister-in-law a lot and the girls are really into helping him decorate the house and everything, I don't think they care about having their hair and nails done with us. Besides, they love him."

"He's pretty lovable," Lauren agrees.

Madison shrugs. "He is. But don't tell him, he doesn't need the ego boost."

"He's a celebrity, I guess he's used to people liking him instantly," her brother suggests.

Lauren gives him a kick with her elbow. "Oh, shut your damn mouth, you. I warned you not to be a dick about Kevin."

Christopher winces, massaging his side. "Hey, I'm not being a dick. Excuse me if it takes me more than five minutes getting over my sister dating a guy whose movie I paid to see, all right?"

"Oh, so you saw my movie? Good," Kevin says, surprising the three of them as he takes his seat beside Madison. "I really hoped you weren't gonna ask me to sign a _manny_ poster, it's just getting weirder and weirder with the years, signing my name over my own chest like that." Kevin extends his hand across the table, and Christopher does the same. "Hi. I'm Kevin."

"Christopher."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Oh my God, men are the worst," Lauren scoffs, grabbing a menu and hiding behind it. "I need a drink, you two are so awkward." She lowers her menu, and hands it to her brother. "Go on, you can do your thing and show off and tell us what's the best wine on there." Lauren turns her attention to Kevin. "It's best to let him show off so you two don't have to try and out-alpha one another, or whatever."

Madison rubs her palm across her forehead, then tenses. Maybe she should have told her siblings that Kevin doesn't drink. Is it her place to tell them something like that? She turns to Kevin, expecting him to be tensed like her, but he looks as cool and relaxed as ever. "You can win this one easily," he shrugs. "I don't drink. And I didn't think there was any point to win tonight."

He and Christopher do that male thing where they stare at each other for a solid five seconds, then both seem to relax at the same time. "I didn't come here to beat you up for knocking my sister up," Christopher offers as a peace-offering of sorts.

Madison rolls her eyes. "This isn't 1950 anymore, Chris. He didn't _knock me up_."

Kevin chuckles, tipping his chin to her bump. "Your belly says otherwise." At her glare, he softens. "I'm missing the point, aren't I?"

Madison nods her head. "Yep."

"Tell me what the point is, then."

"You didn't knock me up. We slept together and I got pregnant, it happens. You're not a villain with a mustache taking advantage of naive women."

"I didn't say -"

"Shut up," Lauren interrupts her brother. The other three all stare at her: Madison in confusion, Kevin with a sort of awe, and Christopher with the undignified look of an older brother whose little sister is taking no shit from him anymore. "They're adorable together, and Kevin's a great guy, so stop acting like you're Dad and you have a say in the matter. Pick us some good wine, and ask them about baby stuff like a goddamn normal human being, Christopher."

Christopher and Lauren enter in this death glare battle that Madison remembers from their youth, a preteen Lauren holding her head high and talking back to their college-aged brother like he was no longer the head of the house now that he'd left. Christopher tips his head down, nodding. "You sound more and more like Mom," he simply says, winning that last point.

Kevin leans into Madison, brushing his lips against her ear. "Are you gonna punch me if I say I love your sister?"

Madison tilts her head, pressing a quick peck to his nose. It feels so good, having someone stand up for her, especially her sister after years of being so estranged. "Nope. I really love her too."

* * *

_to be continued_


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Kevin can say anything though, it's Beth who intervenes, linking her arm through Madison's. 
> 
> "Madison, honey, you don't realize this yet but when your kid tells you to go and spend a day at the spa on your own, you do it, all right?" Beth says resolutely. Kevin can't help chuckling, remembering the time she and Randall stole his hotel room and left him with the girls. He's been enabling these two to have sex since they were eighteen and no one ever gives him credit for it. "You don't argue. You'll remember this when these kids start crawling around and following you everywhere. You'll never pee on your own again for, like, six years. Enjoy this now."

Madison hovers at the front door, emptying and refilling her purse on the side table there for the third time in the past fifteen minutes that she's been standing there, not quite leaving, and, Kevin hopes, not quite changing her mind and staying either. At this point she has to know _he_ knows she's checking an imaginary list with her purse because, _well_ , she's spending the day at the spa and the salon so what does she need to take with her, anyway? Kate and their mother have long decided to wait out until Madison's stopped fretting and gotten comfortable on the couch. "Are you _sure_ you don't need me to stay and help?" Madison asks again, almost agitated. "I don't _really_ need to get my hair done, and I keep biting my nails anyway, I don't need a -"

Kevin shushes her with a kiss, which has become his favorite way to stop Madison from spiraling - and, as a general rule, one of his favorite things to do with her. "Your hair looks fabulous," he tells her, sliding his fingers through her glossy waves. Despite the constant nausea wearing her down, Madison is the picture perfect of healthy and glowing most of the time, her skin looking brighter than usual, and her hair feeling so smooth and silky. He can't keep himself from staring at her and touching her, and really, who could blame him? She's _stunning_. Not that she wasn't in the first place, Kevin's never been blind to that, but - right now, Madison's sparking blissful and radiant, the brightest star in the whole freaking universe, she has to be. "But _you're_ the one who said you hated how your hair stuck to your nape and made you hot at night. A trim would make you feel better. Maybe some new, low-maintenance haircut?" Kevin suggests, looking at her as he taps his chin with his finger, thinking. "How about a choppy, layered bob?"

"Oh my God, Kevin," Kate sighs loudly, rolling her eyes. "You worked at a hair salon for, like, _five minutes_ fifteen years ago. Stop pretending you know anything about hair."

Beside her, Miguel chuckles, and to add offense to the injury, even his own mother smiles fondly at his sister's comment. "I'll have you know, some ladies asked me by name there," Kevin argues, putting his hands on his hips at the same time as he realizes just how petulant he must look like that, and crosses his arms over his chest instead, defensive. "There was this lady, Gloria, who only wanted me washing her hair. And she came by, like, once a week, _at least_."

"That's because you've got great hands," Madison blurts out dreamily. Kevin grins back at her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Kate embellishes a very exaggerated gag; Kevin feels like she should keep those for more appropriate times. "Okay, okay, we're leaving," Madison goes on, clapping her hands together like an overeager school teacher. Neither Kate nor Rebecca seem convinced by her peppy tone though, and make no move to get up and ready. "Are you sure you girls don't want to come with us, then?" Madison asks, turning to Deja, Tess and Annie.

Deja interrupts her cooing at Jack, whom she's got balanced on her hip like a natural, Kevin notices with a slight pang to his heart. Seeing Deja so all grown-up makes him realize just how fast time flies, how she's no longer the young, lost kid who joined their family; how Tess is now leaning into her teens, far from the little girl who looked up to him with stars shining in her eyes. Even Annie, little Annie who still looked so small and innocent last Thanksgiving, now looks older, more mature, as she looks at her younger cousin with that air of feeling all big and important in a way she's never felt before, she who's always been used to being the youngest. When did they all grow up so fast? And how does he make it stop?

Deja lifts a curious eyebrow at Madison. "We don't want to hear you guys sharing stories about pregnancy and going into labor and other horror stories," she says with a shudder, like the very idea of spending a day with all these adult women is _terrifying_. At her side, Tess wrinkles her nose in a much subtler way, giving a soft, apologetic pout to Kevin when he catches her eye.

Madison can't help frowning. Kevin sees the way her lips part in surprise; in disappointment, too. Madison's been planning this for weeks, trying to please everybody and forgetting that this is _her_ day, her early birthday present before anything else. Lately she's been worrying that the girls would get bored all day and at the party, being the only kids there, and, the hormones not helping, Madison's been spiraling about what Kevin's family would think of her and coming to the conclusion that they'd inevitably hate her. Nothing's been appeasing her, not even the girls' numerous calls over the past few weeks to offer their help decorating the house for the party, nor Miguel adding her to the not-so-secret group chat he, Beth and Toby have, changing the name from _The Three Musketeers_ to _The Fantastic Four_ , making Madison cry-laugh for a good ten minutes as she curled up against him, leaving Kevin at a loss as to what to do between comforting her or congratulating her on making the team.

Before Kevin can say anything though, it's Beth who intervenes, linking her arm through Madison's. "Madison, honey, you don't realize this _yet_ but when your kid tells you to go and spend a day at the spa on your own, you _do_ it, all right?" Beth says resolutely. Kevin can't help chuckling, remembering the time she and Randall stole his hotel room and left him with the girls. He's been enabling these two to have sex since they were eighteen and no one ever gives him credit for it. "You _don't_ argue. You'll remember this when these kids start crawling around and following you _everywhere_. You'll never pee on your own again for, like, six years. _Enjoy this now_."

Tess, sweet as she's always been, agrees, nodding her head. "Besides, you can't believe Uncle Kev can do all of this on his own," she says, holding up the notebook Madison's been filling with ideas for the party and the decoration for weeks. There's a PowerPoint presentation too, but Kevin reckons Madison's gone too far with that, and that he and the girls can manage just fine without it. Or, well -at least he's pretty sure that the girls can do magic without it. "He can't even tell the difference between cream and peach yellow, he'll never be able to make that balloon arch you want."

Kevin's torn between telling his niece off for making him look like an idiot, and thanking her for the small grin that tugs at Madison's lips now. "You really don't mind helping him?" she asks Tess.

"Hey, color shades are hard, okay?" Kevin still tries to defend himself, but Madison only gives him a soft, _oh honey_ , smile. He can't even be mad about it - he actually cannot tell the difference between all five shades of white and yellow Madison's chosen for that balloon arch. The daffodil one _is_ an _entirely_ different shade from the one he chose for the nursery himself; Kevin is all too happy to leave the color palette decisions to Madison and his nieces. "I know things. I know how to -"

"Come on, let's go before he finishes that sentence," Kate claps her hands in turn, grabbing her purse and dashing to the front door, already opening it. "Everything's gonna be fine, Madison," she reassures her friend as she tugs at her sleeve. "Maybe your hair doesn't need to be done, but mine does, and we only have the next six hours to get pampered. So let's go."

Madison turns to him one last time, her mouth turned into a half-concerned pout. She nervously tugs at the hem of his sleeve. "You'll call me if you need anything, right?"

Kevin shakes his head. Here is Madison the professional who leaves no detail to chance, always overseeing everything so it's perfect; but there's _also_ Madison the mother-to-be, and Kevin can see how hard it is for her to let go and let someone else take care of _her_ babies' party. "Absolutely _not_ ," he tells her kindly, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her hair. "You're not allowed anywhere near your phone today. Don't make me ask Lauren to steal it from you. And nowhere near the house."

"This is still _my_ house," Madison whines half-heartedly against his chest as she wraps her arms around his back, hugging herself close to him even if it's getting a bit harder each day.

Kevin curls his arm around her too, rubbing a soothing hand down her back. "Not until four this afternoon, no it's not," Kevin argues, chuckling softly in her hair. He drops another kiss to her forehead, then her lips, just a soft peck to see her off. "Come on, now. You go and enjoy your day. I've got this."

She leans onto her tiptoes, her mouth brushing softly against his. "I know you do."

* * *

The instant Madison, Kate, Beth and his mom are gone, Kevin leans his forehead against the door, softly knocking it against the wood. "I just _lied_ to my girlfriend and mother of my children," he mumbles. "I don't _got this_ at all. Guys, I really need your help."

When he turns around to face the rest of them, Kevin's taken aback by just how _unimpressed_ his nieces look. Gone are the days when they saw him as the cool, famous uncle; now Deja looks at him like he's an idiot she has to deal with. "Beth warned us you were going to be overdramatic," she says with an eye roll. She lets Jack down, guiding him to the coffee table where Tess has opened Madison's notebook, good little soldier ready to follow Captain Mom's orders. " _We_ 've got this. Even Jack can help us with the string lights, they're different shapes and babies love that stuff. You go and build all your furniture."

The girls look at him like he's a kid being sent off to play with his Lego bricks while the grown-ups are busy. Nicky pats his shoulder, squeezing it. "Girls. Best not to argue with them," he says flatly, like he sounds surprised by his own comment. "So what's this Miguel's telling me, you want to carve that rocking chair with Madison's name on it? I've _seen_ your handwriting, kid, I'm not sure it'll look any better with a knife instead of a pen."

"I was thinking, maybe carve it so it says _Mommy's corner_?" Kevin replies, ignoring the comment on his handwriting. Miguel's already made one, even if he was subtler about it, suggesting that instead of carving they could just have a personalized label made. "I want it to be _her_ chair, something comfy just for her, and I was thinking we could put the rocking chair in the corner, by the window, you know? So it's closer to the crib for night bottles. And it's Mommy's corner for real."

Deja and Tess not-so-discreetly giggle; Annie softens the blow, giving him a sweet smile. "I'm sure she'll love it, Uncle Kev," she says kindly. "Do you really know how to build a rocking chair, Grandpa?" she asks Miguel.

"It's not much, really, sweetheart. We're not building it from scratch, we'll use a chair and... _up-cycle_ it into a rocking chair?" Miguel tries, looking to Tess for validation.

She nods her head, beaming proudly at him. "And that's super cool, Grandpa." Overconsumption and capitalism are Tess' new, latest battle, and Miguel's winning points there, especially as Tess lectured them about how it's his generation that burned the planet down and that they all need to make an effort. Luckily, Tess didn't rise up against Kevin and Madison's over-the-top baby shopping spree so far.

"Yeah, it _is_ ," Kevin insists, too. He wouldn't be able to do that without Miguel, and he knows Madison will enjoy the gift twice as much, knowing it got them to spend some quality time together. "Thank you for doing this. Really. Thank you."

Madison loves Miguel in that simple, easy way people do, and Kevin gets it, really, he does. Miguel is the nicest guy he knows, he's never denied it. His only fault was to step in his father's shoes; to make his mother smile in a way none of them had managed to bring out of her since Jack's death. To be _Grandpa_ to the girls, who love him unconditionally because he is the only grandpa they've ever known. Kevin's only ever been mad at him for things Miguel had no control over.

He's trying to change that. Madison loves him and Miguel is so very fond of her, too, and he's going to _be_ his children's grandfather. It's about time Kevin stops seeing him as the man who stole his mom when Miguel only ever brought her back to life.

Miguel smiles at him, visibly moved. Toby wraps both his arms around their shoulders, bringing them together. "Wow, I'm loving this bonding vibe _so much_. Come on, Deja, take a picture, we've got to immortalize this moment. Nicky, come over here."

Toby squishes them in his arms, Nicky eye-rolling as he joins them. Deja sighs like this is going to be a long day and maybe she should have gone with Madison and the others to get her nails done. "Nicky, you don't look like you're feeling the bonding vibe," she says, snarky and grinning.

"You've got to _smile_ ," Annie adds, like Nicky doesn't know, tapping the corners of her own mouth with her fingers.

Nicky tilts his head to Kevin. "Using a freaking kid against me," he sighs. "You're lucky they're such sweethearts."

"Clearly they got it from me," Kevin chuckles. He wraps an arm around Nicky's shoulders. "Come on, Uncle Nicky. Smile for the camera. In just a few hours we'll be all sweaty and covered in wood dust, let's have our picture taken while we're still looking good."

"You were just having a meltdown because you can't tell the difference between white and yellow," Nicky argues back, sounding just as snarky as Deja. Kevin reminds himself not to let these two team-up during the day; they'd be a deadly combination for his ego.

"Oh, come on, Nicky," Toby laughs. "He looks good. He's got that daddy glow. Let him bask in it while he can. In just a few months he'll look pale and drained from getting up every hour of the night for a bottle or a diaper change. And knowing he'll have to do it again shortly after because it's _twins_."

Kevin bites at the inside of his cheek. In just a few months, maybe Toby and Kate will welcome another addition to their family, too, and Kevin will bide his time until the day when Toby realizes that he might not be having twins himself, but having a second kid so soon, when Jack is still so young and is only just now slowly learning to walk, isn't going to be a piece of cake, nor good for his skin tone either.

Deja takes their picture, then shoos them out. "Now, can you all go? I don't think you realize how much decorating _we_ have to do here, and we need the space to...what did she write again?" she asks, turning to Tess.

Tess holds Madison's notebook up. "Create the vision."

"Yeah, that. We need the space to create _Madison's_ vision for her. And you guys need to clear the room so we can do that."

* * *

Kevin and Toby watch quietly, almost standing still, as Miguel and Nicky observe the chair Kevin got, running their hands over the antique wood. "Where did you get that chair?" Miguel asks, his voice sort of soft and dream-like. "It's fabulous. It has great lines and it's structurally sound, we'll just need to cut off the legs and add some runners and make a chair cushion."

"That time-worn patina is gorgeous," Nicky agrees. "You kids love your vintage stuff. My mom had one like this. Not sure where she got it from, I can't really see my dad buying something so nice for her..."

"I know next to nothing about your grandparents," Toby notes curiously, turning to Kevin. "Kate never speaks about any of them."

"That's because our dad never spoke about his father," Kevin shrugs. Then, turning to Nicky, whose eyes turned this dark, absent shade, he asks: "He never spoke much about your mother, either, except to say she was great. She died when we were three, I barely have any memory of her. I can't remember if I've ever _really_ seen her, or it it's just memories from what Mom and Dad told us."

Nicky shakes his head absently. "She _was_ the greatest. Kindest soul you'd ever meet," he agrees. "She was just born at the wrong time, when women didn't file for divorce from their shitty husbands. Stuff like that just didn't happen back then. I guess we'll never know what her life could have been like if she'd left him. What Jack and I could have become." He pauses, trailing his hand over the chair. "She loved to sit in her chair and knit at night. All sort of things. Socks, hats, scarves. She always made some extra for Jack, he kept getting sick as a kid. Always had a cough."

"I've never seen my dad really sick," Kevin comments. "He always seemed so strong. Almost invincible, until -"

He doesn't have to finish his sentence: until the fire, until his heart and lungs failed. Until this mountain of a man, always so steady and solid, crumbled.

"I've met your grandmother, a few times," Miguel goes on, refocusing the conversation on a safer topic. "Jack tried to help her leave your grandfather a lot of times, but she always came back to him. They sort of lost touch at some point, phone calls every now and then, mostly when Jack knew Stanley was dead drunk and wouldn't yell at her. But then you guys were born, and she came to visit a few times. Alone, of course, but she came. She made you those yellow, woolen blankets. The _Big Three_ ones." He smiles sadly. "It broke your mother's heart, losing all these baby memories from you guys," he tells them. "I remember her telling me about it, just before Annie was born. How she didn't have anything from Kate when she was little to give Beth. How she had nothing to give Beth and Randall for the girls."

Kevin feels his throat constricting, and he gulps painfully. His eyes sting, surprising him. It's been over twenty years, but he guesses that even twenty years from now, the pain will always feel fresh, the wound still sore and bleeding out. He tries not to think about the fire and losing the house - when they talk about their childhood, he and Kate and Randall always talk about how great it was, growing up with a dad like Jack, building forts in the living-room, fighting in the kitchen and throwing flour and mashed potatoes at each other. Never about losing everything to the fire but the few things Jack went back for - a few photo albums, a couples of videos and CDs. Insignificant things if they'd known it would kill him, things Kevin would have gladly thrown back in the fire to save his father, if he'd been there. If he'd known.

They never talk about how brave their mother was, in the aftermath. Nor how much courage it took to build everything back from scratch, a new home, a new life, after losing the love of her life and the home they'd built together. Kevin's never stopped to think about what it must have felt like for Rebecca: the flames burning down her wedding dress in the back of her closet, then engulfing all these boxes in the attic, baby clothes and toys, old school stuff, drawings from when they were younger, rainbow noodle necklaces and birthday cards signed _with love, Kevin, Kate and Randall who love you_.

Toby clears his throat, visibly embarrassed. "So, hey, you didn't tell us where you got that sweet chair. I want one just like that now."

Outside, the girls and Jack are laughing, Kevin can hear them in the backyard. Madison's planned something magic, fairy-tale like, with light strings all over the columns in the patio, a white and golden theme that Kevin feels like they could reuse someday for another occasion. Watching Madison plan this party for their babies like it had to be this magical day that everyone would remember, planning every little detail, to the font they used on the invitations to the gluten-free treats for her brother's girlfriend who eats next to nothing. Madison didn't go as far as to tell him how he should get dressed, but Kevin knows what dress she'll be wearing and has made sure that his shirt would look good with it for the pictures because he knows this is the kind of stuff that matters to Madison, so it matters to him too. Even Kate and Toby made the effort, dressing Jack with a pale yellow pair of shorts to match the theme.

Kevin can't help thinking that someday, maybe someday _soon_ , they'll find him a pale yellow tie or dress shirt, or that the girls will look gorgeous in yellow or gold; that Madison will wear a golden gown, nothing too traditional and simple like white for someone as exceptional as she is, and that he won't mind looking like a dork with a matching, golden tie, if that's what she wants.

"Kev?"

"Yeah, what, sorry," Kevin shakes his head. He grabs the box of tools, then, upon seeing Toby cocking an eyebrow at him, remembers the question he and Miguel asked. "Yeah, the chair, right. I have to admit, I sort of spied on Madison. A few weeks back she was searching ideas for the party and the nursery on Pinterest, creating her moodboard, and she was gushing over rocking chairs and how comfortable they are, and there was this chair she particularly liked. So I went to, like, four or five different antique dealers, showing them the model to see if they had anything remotely close to it. I ended up in some obscure shop in Pasadena, I'm pretty sure the woman there was an actual _witch_ , but she had a chair that was so similar and she didn't ask me for my blood or my newborn, so. Here goes."

Nicky frowns at him. "So you bought a chair for your girl from a witch?" He chuckles, wiping his hand across his face tiredly. "Only you, Kevin. Only you."

"Maybe don't mention the witch thing," Miguel agrees, the corner of his mouth twitching up as he obviously resists the urge to laugh.

"I don't know," Toby argues, "the witch thing definitely adds something to the story. Picture this: the humble farm boy walking miles and miles to find the perfect gift for the princess he loves, ending up in an old witch's scary cottage...Add some R.O.U.S.es and it's gonna be _epic_."

"Rouses - what?" Nicky asks, sounding confused. "What the hell are you kids talking about?"

"Rodents Of Unusual Size," Kevin explains like it totally makes sense, which, if Nicky's face is any indication, _doesn't_. " _The Princess Bride_ , anyone? Come on, Miguel, it was the theme for my tenth birthday party, I'm pretty sure you dropped by at some point." Miguel shakes his head, and Kevin sighs. "Never mind."

"Add some carbonite to the story, Han Solo-style," Toby goes on, not in the least perturbed by the lack of enthusiasm from their audience. "Tell you what, we could turn this into a real story, write a book about it. The kids will love it."

Nicky grabs the toolbox, lifts the chair over the runners and starts determining the measurements for how high the front and back legs of the chair are going to be lifted off the ground with Miguel's help. "If someone had told me how chatty you two would get, I would have gone to the salon with Madison and the others."

"She says I have dry skin and need to moisturize more," Miguel says. "Did she make you a skincare, thank-you gift bag, too?" he asks. "I think she really wants us to look good on the pictures."

Kevin grins. He's always been used to taking care of himself, working in an industry where looking good isn't good enough and you have to look _perfect_ all the time. But Madison's gone the extra mile this week, eliminating all the junk food and sweets from their diet in fear of a zit eruption that would ruin all the pictures. Just the night before, she had them both moisturize _and_ hydrate their skin - Kevin learning the difference between the two just then after two decades thinking they were one and the same. She's made thank-you gift bags for his mom and Beth and the girls too, balms and soaps and make-up from a small boutique that only does sustainable beauty products. Beth gushed over it all through dinner, and Madison scored major points with Tess for her investment in protecting the environment. Kevin doesn't even know how Madison knew which products to buy, when he himself wouldn't know what's good for his own skin, but everyone seemed pleased. With Beth and the girls staying in his apartment, Rebecca and Miguel at Kate's, and Nicky here, at Madison's, Madison has dedicated _hours_ to greet and welcome them like she was treating them to a spa day or a five-star hotel. Kevin hopes she'll be able to relax and enjoy her own _treat yourself_ day.

Kevin rubs his hand over his jaw. Gone is the almost-beard for the movie, replaced by a more trimmed shadow. Even Nicky's made an effort, wearing a checkered shirt that suits him well, making him look like a clean-shaven, stylish lumberjack. Madison should have the perfect pictures she's dreamed of, everyone looking shiny and new, happy and grinning. It's really not so hard to make her happy.

And it's becoming his favorite thing to do.

* * *

"Oh my God, why is Jack's mouth _green_?" Toby exclaims, running to pick Jack up in his arms. "What's up, buddy, what did you eat? What did he eat?" he asks, sounding panicked as he turns to Deja and Tess.

Kevin gets it instantly, turning to the buffet where the girls disposed the cakes and sweets _exactly_ like Madison wanted. "Oh, no. _No no no_ ," he says, spotting the half-eaten macaroon lying on the floor, the green stains on Jack's shirt, the culprit found with his hand still in the cookie jar. "He ate one of the macaroons. Oh God, you guys, you _can't_ tell Madison you've seen the fillings, she'll kill me. She'll kill all of us."

Deja looks at him like he's gone crazy, and Toby frowns as he stops dabbing at Jack's mouth with a napkin. "What does _green_ even _mean_?" he asks, his eyes going wide. "Are you having _vegan_ babies?" He says it like the very thought horrifies him.

Miguel steps in, bending to clean the crime scene. "Is it because you don't want to reveal the gender?" he offers. "But I thought yellow was the color theme?"

"I thought this _was_ a - gender- _reveal_ party, or something," Nicky says, confused. "Why do you kids have to make everything so damn complicated?"

"Or because - Tess, honey, how do you call it, when people don't have to be a boy or a girl if they don't want to?" Miguel goes on.

"I think it's super cool if Uncle Kev and Madison have decided to raise their babies without the pressure of sexist stereotypes," Tess says, looking at Kevin like she's never been prouder of him.

Kevin wipes his hand across his face. "Jesus, you all have to _forget_ what you've seen. No more talking of green and gender and stereotypes, _no more talking_ ," he insists. "God, Madison's order at the bakery was super clear, she counted everything so no one would starve, she's gonna notice if there's something missing." He turns to Jack, and sighs in relief when he sees that his shorts are not carrying any mark of the crime. "Good, Jack only needs a new shirt, we can always say he barfed his juice or something. Now someone needs to say they ate one of the macaroons. Swallowed it down, really. She _can't_ know any of you saw the green filling. She can't. Madison has been preparing this party for weeks, she's got this _vision_ , yeah?" he says to the girls. "And she _deserves_ to see her vision become reality. And I -"

Annie walks up to him and squeezes his hand in her much smaller one, comforting and compassionate. "I don't think Madison's going to notice anything but the house looking so pretty and all the work you've pulled in the babies' room," she says sweetly. "You don't have to worry that much, Uncle Kevin."

It's the thing about children - they drop truths like bombs, and it's a freaking slap in the face, a reality-check from a ten year-old, but in a good way, Kevin thinks. At the end of the day none of this really matters to Madison - she simply wants their family and friends to be there to share their joy. "Of course," Kevin softens, then nods his head, keeps nodding as he takes them all in, Miguel's tilted head, Nicky's frown. "You're right, honey, of course you're right," he tells Annie, tugging her close and kissing the top of her head. "Come on, you three super stars, show me what you've accomplished."

"The four of us," Annie corrects him, tugging at his hand as she leads him to the back door leading to the patio. "Jack helped. He's really good with shapes," she tells them, turning to Toby in particular. "He helped me with the string lights."

"Of course he did, he's a genius," Toby says excitedly, stopping midway through going to the bathroom to change Jack and following everyone to the backyard to admire the girls' handiwork. "You did that, buddy?" he asks Jack as he plays with the lights, turning them on. Jack's head lifts up, as if he were trying to catch the light, and Kevin feels emotional again over just how proud Toby looks. "Yeah, that's good, Jack. There's the light. Oooh, and what else did you do?"

The girls show them the huge poster they made, a collage of baby pictures from everyone. Madison's asked everyone to send her some, and the result is fun and cute, especially when Kevin compares how baby fashion evolved since Miguel's days. Even he and Kate and Randall look ridiculous compared to the pretty, stylish clothes Tess and Annie had. "We made a ballot box like Madison wanted," Deja explains, showing the box they stuck under the photos. "She said that if people were gonna bet on the babies' gender, it might as well be more fun to vote for real."

"Is there a prize or something?" Toby asks excitedly.

"Yep, whoever wins gets a night with the twins, dirty diapers and bottles three times a night, the whole package," Kevin laughs. He opens his arms, dragging the girls in for a group hug. Deja and Tess pretend to whine but only for half a second. "Thank you, girls. You went above and beyond. The house looks great, and the backyard looks amazing, this is gonna look so pretty once it starts getting dark and we turn on the lights. Madison's gonna be thrilled."

"I hope so, too," Deja admits. "This was fun despite you going crazy," she teases him. "I hope you'll be more relaxed when you guys get married."

She says it like it's so obvious, a feeling mirrored on everybody else's faces. Kevin cocks an eyebrow at them. "Don't look at us like that," Nicky says grumpily. "You're the one with the heart eyes," he sighs, rolling his own.

At his side, Toby shrugs. "I've sort of come to terms with the idea of Madison becoming my sister-in-law now. And you _do_ go overboard with the heart eyes, man."

Kevin shakes his head at them. "I don't - you know what? Yeah, I do look at Madison with heart eyes. I'm not ashamed of that. And if we do ever get married, you three will be in charge of all the decoration," he tells the girls. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves, all right?"

* * *

"So _when_ are you gonna pop the question?"

Kevin turns around at the sound of his uncle's voice. Nicky's standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.

Kevin stops fussing with the toy raccoons he was arranging in the twins' bassinet, covering them with the baby blanket his mother made so Nicky doesn't see them; Nicky doesn't seem to care in the least about looking for hints to find out the gender, though. His eyes are focused on Kevin only. "Don't even pretend you haven't been thinking about it," Nicky says before he can open his mouth. "I'm just wondering when you're going to ask because you keep jumping up any time someone mentions it. If you're gonna do it _today_ , definitely _don't_ tell Toby beforehand, he'll spill the beans the moment Madison steps through the door."

For someone who spent decades alone, Nicky's pretty perceptive - something that Kevin wishes he were less right now. "I'm not proposing today," Kevin tells him.

"Ah. So you _are_ proposing sometime soon." Nicky steps in, and runs his hand over their homemade rocking-chair. He traces the carved letters with his finger, Madison's name spelled in Kevin's most careful handwriting. "That's good. This is good for you, Kevin. She's good for you. She makes you smarter."

"Nice way to say I was dumb in the first place," Kevin chuckles. He busies himself with checking that all the little boxes and baskets on the changing table are filled with diapers and wipes and the dozens of lotions recommended by his app so he doesn't have to look Nicky in the eye. "She does, though. She really does," he has to admit.

Being with Madison has made him calmer, somehow; more grounded. With her Kevin doesn't feel the _need_ to impress her. Sure, he wants to, sometimes - wants to make her feel like she's the only woman in the world, the one for him, big gestures like she deserves - but he doesn't feel like she'll lose interest in him if he doesn't pull all the stops. If anything, it's the quiet moments Madison seems to enjoy the most: him rehearsing his lines while she sips at her tea and flicks through all her baby and parenting magazines, shopping for baby clothes together, Kevin cooking while Madison lurks around for a taste. She's made him realize that this everyday kind of love is what he wants: comfort and certainty laced in these daily, domestic things, two toothbrushes by the sink, her ridiculously tiny jacket hanging by his, or a kettle _always_ filled for two now. It's always the two - the four of them in his mind now, and he doesn't know what sounds better, Poppy or Sarah Pearson, which A-name they'll go with for the boy, but one thing's for sure, there's no doubt in his mind that he wants Madison to _be_ a Pearson too.

Kevin pats his pocket, feeling for the small, velvet box there. For one second he considers pulling it out and showing it to Nicky, but then thinks better of it. He doesn't need Nicky's approval, nor his opinion. No one's opinion matters more than Madison's.

And for once in his life, Kevin's utterly, completely sure he's doing the right thing.

* * *

_to be continued_


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He says it with a sheepish smile, but Madison knows what he means. In the strangest way she feels the same. This pregnancy is terrifying in all kinds of ways and she's scared out of her mind that she could do anything to hurt their babies, but - it's still a miracle, and she wants to enjoy the experience as such. There's a sense of intimacy that's unique and only belongs to them when Kevin's stroking his hand over her belly or talking to the babies, when he snaps a picture of her and compares it to one from the week before, from the month before, noticing the differences, how her stomach has swelled, how her skin glows. Even though she's the one carrying the twins she feels connected to Kevin in such a big, deep way, the four of them a sort of unit, safe inside this little bubble they've created. 
> 
> She hopes that feeling will last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was sorta about to take a break from this story for a bit - with the lack of feedback and people focusing on the show coming back, it felt like a good time
> 
> *but* this is my girl Aissa's birthday and she deserved a treat, so - happy birthday again!! hope you enjoy :)

Madison never pictured herself going to the spa with her best friend, sister, and almost in-laws, perhaps because she never really pictured herself _having_ a best friend and reconnecting with her estranged sister, or meeting a man with whom it would be serious enough so that he'd introduce her to his family. And yet here she is, her hair wrapped up in a bun on top of her head, a mud mask starting to melt on her face and those weird nail separator sponges between her toes while her nail polish dries off, surrounded by Kate, Lauren, Kevin's mom and sister-in-law, like it's a totally normal thing to do. Like it's her place to spend time with these women like they're _her_ family, too.

"So how's the quest for the perfect midwife been?" Kate asks in between sips of her tea, her mud mask starting to crack around her mouth from the steam. "Kev told me you've seen, what, half a dozen people?"

"Yeah, and the more people I see the more I get the feeling that I'll never find anyone who's as good and kind as Dr. Mason," Madison laments, then starts enumerating all the midwives and doulas they met. They were all just as qualified and professional as Dr. Mason said, but Madison simply hasn't felt like opening up to any of them and having them join this very scary, very important journey of hers - _theirs_. Kevin's been a sweetheart, making time to sit with her through every appointment despite his crazy schedule and not once making her feel like _she_ was crazy for saying _no_ to everyone. "I think Kevin scared off the one male doula who interviewed in, but I don't think he realizes it. He's just so territorial, being all over me, the poor man, he didn't look like he wanted me to hire him to be honest. I think he was scared that Kevin would bite his head off if he touched me. Maybe we need to find someone for Kevin, too. And last but not least there's this girl, Chloe, she's very nice, you know, but she's really into water birth, and I'm like, I don't know about that? I already feel like a whale, I don't need to give birth in water like one."

Kate nods her head in silent agreement, and Beth stares at the two of them, eyebrows raised, looking dumbfounded. "Okay, we've got _months_ , _years_ , really, to swap stories about birth and labor and all the crazy stuff our kids do and all that, right? So can we focus on the important stuff here, or do _I_ really have to be the one bringing up the elephant in the room?" Beth asks them. At Madison's frown, she explains: "I'm not talking about you, Madison, you're still so tiny, obviously. I'm talking about _you and Kevin_. _How_? What happened there? When you called me the two of you didn't look _this_ cozy."

Lauren nods her head eagerly, the cucumber slices on her closed lids falling off. She raises her hand like a child at school. "As the other person in this room who hasn't shared a womb with the man, or given birth to him," she tips her chin at Rebecca, "I approve of these questions completely. The world _needs_ to know, Maddie."

"What are you, a gossip columnist now?" Madison rolls her eyes. "You don't look very intimidating like this, Counselor."

"You know, the sass was cuter when you were a kid. I swear, the things she could get away with our parents because she was so cute," Lauren pouts. " _But_. Come on. The boys aren't here, it's the perfect time to gossip. I need to know everything about -"

"Nuh-uh," Kate wriggles her finger at her. "This is Madison's day, not _Madison sits there and tells us the story of how my brother eased into her pants_. No Kevin chop talk today."

"See, you think it's dads and their darling little girls and how they never want to see their daughters grow up," Rebecca starts, chuckling fondly. "But you know what? As long as I live I'll never forget how _you_ were the one blurting out that Kevin and Sophie were having sex," she teases Kate. "Because then I had to tell your father, and then we had to go talk to him. You can't play the twin card with them, Bug, because I trump your card with mine. I'm the _mother_ ," Rebecca says, tapping her chest with a lone finger. "I'm the one who watched you three go through all your firsts. And I want to know how my son fell in love."

Lauren beams at Rebecca like she announced Christmas was coming early. "Can I high-five you? I don't dare to move because I don't want to ruin my pedicure, but can we high-five each other from a distance?" She wriggles her hand at Rebecca, who complies with the lenient smile of someone who has raised three children at the same time, and who _also_ faced all three of them hitting puberty and going bratty at once.

Beth chuckles. "It's three against one, Kate. But I _don't_ want to know how he eased into your pants, Madison," she turns back to Madison with a half-grimace. "He dated my cousin, and I found out a while ago that he was on the phone with Randall the first time he asked me out on a date, so I really, _really_ don't want to talk about Kevin's lines and moves. I know them and I'm ashamed I fell for them."

Kate gives Beth a compassionate smile, like falling for Kevin is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Madison almost reminds them that Kevin is a _freaking movie star_ and that she definitely isn't the first one to fall for those eyes and that smile, until she realizes how it _wouldn't_ make her win the argument. "But we _want_ to know how it turned into a _love story_ ," Lauren says, her voice so soft, with such a dreamy quality to it, Madison feels like she's back in those blanket forts they made in their room before begging and pleading with Christopher until he caved in and came to tell them stories or play with them.

All of a sudden it's four pairs of eyes trained on her, curious gaze and half-open lips, eager and waiting. Even Kate sets her cup of tea down and leans in slightly, like she, too, wants to know more. She's been sitting on the sidelines here, watching them grow together, and she's tired of listening to the both of them whining to her like teenage kids, but...At the end of the day Kate is her best friend and this is what best friends do, supporting one another, cheering each other up, and listening to all your crazy stories with fondness.

Madison bites at the corner of her lip, thinking. "It started with..."

It started with Kevin standing there at Kate's door, waiting for her approval or invitation when he could have just come in without asking. It started with Kevin asking her if she was okay with that sort of roughly awkward tone, as if he were surprised himself to care about the answer. It started with him saying all the right words for once, telling her she had more to offer; telling her about how he's ruined every good thing he's had because he was too scared, too immature, too arrogant. How he's taken a lot for granted until he'd lost everything. And Madison listened, and related to his struggles, and shared some with him; it'd felt organic and natural, like seeing herself in a mirror, only as she was listening to him she didn't feel like the things he was saying were terrible, not like how she did when she looked at her own problems.

And then she'd started on making dinner because neither one of them was ready to let go and end the night, and Kevin was there lurking in her kitchen, grimacing as he had a bite, and then his mouth was on hers and her hip was bumping into the kitchen counter and his hands were slipping beneath her shirt and then it was countless smiles and giggles and kisses and moans and heat and sparks and Kevin was warm and solid and _here_ , and Madison doesn't know _how_ and _where_ and _when_ it started, only that she'd never wanted it to _end_ , and that for one moment, one night, it had felt like Kevin didn't want it to end, either.

It started with shy smiles and confessions and tea, and it ended with love, or love blossomed from then on, Madison doesn't know how to express it. But _that's_ the important part - _love_. It _is_ a love story; perhaps uncommon, and maybe it's never been told before, but it's theirs and it's love.

"It started with tea," she nods her head, taking another sip of hers. Madison chuckles to herself, remembering how confused she'd been when Kevin had started rambling about how she'd made him tea and how that had changed everything. She can spot that some confused look on the women around her, and she smiles. "I know, it sounds weird but...it started with tea."

* * *

"Drop that phone or I'll drop you dead!"

Madison startles and jumps a little, letting go of her phone that falls on the carpeted floor of the salon. "Jesus, Laurie!" she squeaks. "Psycho much?"

Madison tries to bend to fetch her phone but Beth waves her off and does it for her. "She wasn't texting Kevin to check up on his progress," she shakes her head at Lauren as she gives Madison her phone back.

"Good," Lauren says, looking dead serious as if she _would_ bodily harm Madison if she tried. Because that's totally a good way to help Madison relax and enjoy her _me day_ , of course. "You need to let the man take care of you. This is your day."

"Oh my God, I just wanted to check the address of the restaurant we're going to!" Madison says, outraged. "And, really, you think I'd be stupid enough to text him in front of you all? _Come on_. And I'd text _Miguel_ , not Kevin, because _he_ wouldn't tattle on me."

"He wouldn't," Rebecca muses with a soft smile. "But then again, the girls are right. You need to let Kevin do this for you. He's just like a child about that: he needs to see you happy and smiling once you unwrap your surprise. That's what makes _him_ happy."

"The dork _would_ put a giant red bow on the front door," Kate agrees. "He's gonna be even more excited to see your reaction at what they've done to the house than you would have been if you'd done it yourself."

Madison doesn't argue. She knows it makes Kevin happy to take care of her. "Still. It's _his_ babies, _too_. And here he is doing all the work. I wanted to surprise him too."

"You told him you were pregnant with twins after _one_ night, he's had enough surprises for a lifetime," Lauren chuckles.

"You're never going to let this go, are you?" Madison sighs.

"You getting pregnant with twins after one night? No, never," Beth cuts in, laughing. "It's, like, so _extra_ , such a _Kevin_ thing to do. Even when he's not trying this man just _has_ to go overboard with everything. And now we've got two of you in the family, and soon, there'll be four of you."

Beth gives her an amused, fond smile, and it tugs at Madison's heartstrings. Somehow it makes her even more emotional, Beth's acceptance: she's an outsider too, a Pearson by marriage and not by blood, so she knows what it feels like to try to fit in this clan. Even back at Kate's wedding Madison had gotten the sense that there was something deep and profound about being a Pearson that Rebecca, Kate, Kevin and Randall shared in a very unique way; the bond between them was something else. When they talked together or looked at one another the rest of the world just seemed to fade away. But there's people like Toby and Beth and Miguel who fit in the periphery, who get a privileged access to the mechanisms and ways of the Pearsons, and now Madison is a part of that club too. She gets this instant sense of sorority with Beth, whom she's liked from the start, and, Madison's pleased to see, the feeling seems to be mutual.

"You should have seen Randall's face when I told him," Beth goes on, "he was _stunned_. It was like his brain couldn't process the idea. And the girls were so excited, chatting up about all the cool stuff they'd do with their cousins when they're older because obviously _we're_ too old and lame to think of cool stuff. And he was still there, processing."

Madison pinches her lips, not knowing what to say. Her parents' absence, she can deal with, but Randall's? She knows just how much it pains Kevin, even if he's too proud to outright say it. She knows he wishes he could talk to both his siblings about every tiny baby-related thing. Madison's tired of this senseless feud that keeps them from sharing such important news. It shouldn't be up to Beth to tell her husband about his own brother becoming a dad; and Randall _should_ be here.

She turns to Rebecca, sees how still she is, making herself stand there with a small smile and stoic features like it's not killing her to see her children fighting over her. Madison doesn't know how she does it. So she says the only safe thing she can, one that'll make everyone laugh. "You should have seen _Kevin's_ face when I told him."

* * *

"Is the blindfold really necessary?" Madison asks. "I swear, if this is a kink for you, we're going to have to discuss it at some point."

Kevin chuckles behind her, his breath warm as he holds onto her shoulders. She's barely had time to get out of the car that Kevin jumped down the lane, told her she looked amazing, and then proceeded to cover her eyes. "Our little helpers and I worked all day to create an event up to Madison Simons' standards, and we think that the blindfold is necessary to appreciate it to its fullest. Hey, I can _hear_ you rolling your eyes!" Kevin chides her, tugging a little at her earlobe with his teeth. "Don't be naughty or I'll keep the blindfold."

" _Kevin_."

"Okay, okay, there are people around us, got it," Kevin laughs. "Are you ready?"

When he opens the door Madison's senses are instantly overwhelmed. There's the strong smell of flowers, the sweet taste of the pastries and cakes; even before he lowers her blindfold Madison knows _Kevin's_ _done it_ , that he's gone above and beyond for her.

"Hey, no, no, why are you crying?" Kevin says, concern already leaving room to panic as he sees the tears already gleaming in her eyes. "Look around, come on, take a look. We did everything by the book."

They did, they _so_ did. The buffet makes Madison's mouth water, the two giant cakes having the place of honor among the cupcakes and macaroons that the girls disposed so that they'd spell _Pearson_. There are so many flowers in the living-room that the heady scent first invades her nostrils and makes her nose twitch, but Madison _loves_ flowers, she loves just how lively they make a room, and the shades of white and yellow and orange and red Kevin chose are just stunning, marigolds and lilies and daisies and cosmos and poppies everywhere. She did leave him with instructions but this extravaganza is one hundred percent _Kevin_ , sweet and adorable, and catering to her wishes like he's been able to anticipate from day one.

Deja and Tess and Annie wait for her at the door, perfect little ceremony hosts as they lead her to the backyard. It's even more magical there with the balloon arches and the fairy lights, and really, wherever Madison's gaze goes, it's like a dream coming true, everything she'd wanted and planned and so much more. She surprises the girls by crushing them in a giant group hug, and Toby takes a step back at the sight of her teary face when she turns to him. He gives Kevin a panicked look that says _hold your woman_ and Madison laughs.

At last Madison turns to Kevin, who stands there with his hands in his pocket, shoulders shrugged and a coy smile, waiting for her to spell it out for him. "Do you like it?" he asks, his voice so small.

Madison shakes her head. "I don't _like_ it. I _love_ it, Kevin. Everything's perfect," Madison says sweetly, fisting her hand at the front of his shirt and tugging until he leans down. "I love _you_ ," she murmurs against his lips before kissing him.

His hands shoot up from his pockets, and Kevin cradles her face, brushing away her now shorter locks. Madison can hear Lauren _swoon_. "Got room for another surprise?"

"There's _more_?" Madison asks, looking around her. She's so impressed that they pulled this off in less than six hours; she wouldn't have done any better.

"For you? Always."

"Oh my goodness, swoon-fest," Lauren coos, snapping a picture of them. "Permission to make Instagram go wild with how cute you two are?"

Kevin gives her that same indulgent smile Rebecca gave her this morning. It's definitely a Simons thing, to make Pearsons melt a little bit inside, Madison reckons. "Sure. And make sure to tell your brother you think I'm great when he gets there, all right? I still think he wants to punch me in the face but is too polite to do so."

Madison can't argue with that. Christopher is being ridiculous, playing the big brother card like she's sixteen all over again. Back then, with the ten years he had on her, he had a modicum of influence on her choices and he could somewhat intimidate the boys lurking around her. Now though, she's a grown-up, whether he can see it or not, and if her brother tries to punch Kevin, then she'll probably have to punch him too, which she'd rather not because Madison feels like she'd be the kind of person to break her thumb because she doesn't know if you should keep it in your fist or on the outside. She _can't_ go to the E.R. with a broken thumb and tell some nurse that she punched her own brother because he was a jerk to her boyfriend, so these two will have to behave.

Kevin leads her back inside, his hand stilling at the doorknob of the nursery; it's no mystery what he's been doing in there for weeks even though, Madison has to admit it, Kevin's been _really_ good at keeping his mouth shut and not telling her anything, no matter the tactics she used on him to make him spill the beans in the beginning. She was pretty sure he'd caved in after _that_ one night, but he didn't; Kevin's committed to his surprise, and so Madison's let him be.

He looks at her with that nervous, small smile, the corner of his mouth twitching, his eyes never quite focusing on her. "If you don't like it we can just change it, you know. It doesn't have to stay like that. I just - I just wanted to do this for you."

Outside everyone's still gathered in the backyard, admiring the girls' handiwork; Lauren's snapping pictures of everything, and Beth is gushing loudly over her daughters' work. Madison wraps her arms around Kevin's back, pressing herself against him as close as she can. "Kevin," she speaks his name, firm and soft as she looks up to him, craning her neck to look him in the eye. "I _know_ that whatever you've done in here is going to be fabulous, and that our kids are so lucky to have you as their father. Okay? You don't have to be nervous. Not with me. _Except_ when you're trying to be funny because you've still a lot of work to do on your humor and it never quite comes out the way you intended and -"

Kevin's mouth twitches, a flash of a grin before he leans down, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "I really, really love you, too," he whispers as he nuzzles his nose against her cheek. "You know that, right?"

Madison cups his jaw, her thumb idly stroking his cheek. The contrast fascinates her: how chiseled his features and his body are, and yet how soft he is, deep where it matters. "You better. You made me cry and now my so-called waterproof mascara is running down my face. You turned me into a raccoon."

Kevin wipes his thumb across her cheekbone. "But _we_ love raccoons. Now, come on. Close your eyes," he tells her, holding both her hands in his as he pushes the door open. "No peeking."

He guides her in, and Madison feels like Belle in _Beauty and the Beast_ , walking in the library for the first time. When Kevin tells her to open her eyes she doesn't know where to look again. "Oh my goodness, Kevin..."

She knows he's been painting the walls with Toby, she saw the bags from the store, paint rollers and everything, but Kevin's been careful to put his clothes in the laundry right after so she wouldn't spot any trace of paint. The shade of yellow he chose is so soft, so lovely, daffodils blooming in late spring, the tiniest hint of sun from summer, pale and delicate and bright at the same time, it's her _exact_ favorite color and she would have never been able to describe it before seeing it.

Madison runs her hand over the twins' crib. Their toy raccoons are waiting there; the soft mint, woolen blanket Rebecca knitted for them too. Their favorite shades of green and yellow mesh perfectly together, giving the room and the crib this soft vibe. She recognizes the cloth for the canopy from her Pinterest moodboard. "I spy with my little eye one daddy who's been doing his research," she says softly, turning to Kevin.

He joins her with a sheepish smile. "You know I don't know anything about decorating, I had to. We went for a thicker fabric, like Miguel suggested," he explains, gesturing to the canopy. "And we fastened the fairy lights to the frame so there's no risk the babies can grab them. See?" He switches the button on, and the top part of the canopy starts glowing, illuminating the forest animals all over the fabric, tiny deers and foxes and owls and rabbits, the cutest fall aesthetic for October babies. "It's cute, right?"

Madison nods her head and grabs for his hand. "It's _adorable_. And did you paint those?" she asks, pointing to the two paintings hanging on each side of the crib.

"Yeah," Kevin replies, almost shy. "I, uh, I painted that one right after...the day you told me you were pregnant," he explains, pointing to the painting to the left, a blur of ample brushes and quick strokes. "My mind was..." He embellishes an explosion with his hands on either side of his head. "I was all over the place, I think I processed a dozen emotions all at once and they kept banging inside my skull, you know the feeling? Like a pinball machine that never stops. I felt like that spinning top in _Inception_ , like you never know if it's a dream or reality until it stops, but _does_ it stop at the end of the movie? I don't know, I think it does eventually, like, if you really focus and strain your ear during the credits I think you can hear it slowing down, but..."

Madison gnaws at the inside of her lip, trying to hide her grin. "I didn't see that movie," she shrugs.

"Yeah, no, it's great even though I didn't understand, like, half of it. But it made me _think_ about stuff, and... _Anyway_ , what I meant was, my brain sort of short-circuited when you told me you were pregnant and I was the father, but I was really happy and excited about it, okay? I _am_ really happy and excited."

She squeezes his hand. "I know, Kevin. I know."

"Good," he nods his head. "Good. I just wanted you to know. And, uh, this one, this one I painted right after that first doctor appointment I went with you. When I heard their heartbeats..." He waves with his hand, looking for the right words for a while. "I didn't have any words for it. It was...I didn't know that kind of wonderful _existed_ before."

Madison presses herself to his side, wrapping her arm around his back. "Yeah, me neither," she looks up at him, batting her lashes in the most sixteen year-old fashion ever.

Kevin beams at her, laughing. "Oh my God, you're smooth. You're so smooth. Here I am trying to make you swoon and you win it all. No wonder you eased into my pants so easily."

Madison snorts, chuckling. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

She keeps looking around, cataloguing every little detail: the changing table and all these little boxes and bags, Kevin telling her that he got them a label maker if she wants to label everything, the tiny, almost spice rack-like shelves on the walls where he's stored books and toys. The nursery is perfect, soft-colored and lovely, and Madison can't believe all the time and preparation and energy Kevin put into this. Even with help from Miguel and Nicky and Toby, it must have taken him such a long time planning all of this.

Then her gaze falls on the rocking chair, and her face hurts from smiling. "Where did you get that?" she asks Kevin. She almost doesn't dare touch it, running light fingers over the wood. Madison traces her name carved into the wood with a fond smile. "You _made_ that?"

Kevin nods his head. "Yeah. Let me introduce you to _Mommy's corner_ ," he says as he helps her sit down. Madison can't help the soft moan that escapes her lips at the instant relief from sitting down and that sweet rocking motion that soothes the ache in her lower back. "Miguel's the real MVP here, though, he's the one who turned the chair into a rocking chair. And Nicky can sew, like, did you know that? I guess he had to learn during the war, with all those stitches. He told me he wanted to be a doctor when he was younger. Anyway, he can sew, and he made that chair cushion. I feel like you'll appreciate that the cloth I chose has a pattern with forest moss and fall flowers to match the entire aesthetic here," he waves at the nursery.

Madison does. Of course she does. She loves the nursery, and all the energy Kevin put into it, all the time and dedication to please her and make her happy. And she loves him more than anything. "Come here," Madison crooks her finger at him.

Kevin comes to kneel before her, his hand squeezing her knee. He _is_ a child waiting for validation like Rebecca said, eager, enthusiastic, almost puppy-like, with the way his entire face lights up as he beams. "So does this reach the amazing Madison Simons' standards?"

She stares at him. He's got it all, the perfect smile and those gorgeous eyes, he's handsome and hot, so much hotter when he's like this, soft and vulnerable, real, heart upon his sleeve. Kevin is every woman's dream, checking all the dots on a list and some more. Never in a million years would Madison have imagined this.

She feels the tears rolling down her cheeks, washing her mascara away in the process. It doesn't matter: even with her tear-streaked face Kevin _still_ looks up at her with those tender eyes. That's _his_ something more - by all means he should be shallow and superficial, but he's not, he's so not, loving her quirks and flaws all the same. He's _her_ something else. "You've set the bar real, real high," she nods her head a few times. "It'll be hard for them to find someone someday who's half as good as their daddy. You're an amazing dad, you know that? They're not even born yet but you're _already_ a dad, you're such a great dad."

Madison grabs for his hand and places it atop her belly. The babies aren't exactly kicking, but she's noticed that they're always a little more active after a car ride, like they're stretching after all the bumps on the road. Even through Kevin's hand she can feel them moving. "That - that's pretty magical," Kevin says, awe in his voice. "I'm gonna miss that after they're born - seeing them grow inside you, feeling them kick."

He says it with a sheepish smile, but Madison knows what he means. In the strangest way she feels the same. This pregnancy is terrifying in all kinds of ways and she's scared out of her mind that she could do anything to hurt their babies, but - it's _still_ a miracle, and she wants to enjoy the experience as such. There's a sense of intimacy that's unique and only belongs to them when Kevin's stroking his hand over her belly or talking to the babies, when he snaps a picture of her and compares it to one from the week before, from the month before, noticing the differences, how her stomach has swelled, how her skin glows. Even though she's the one carrying the twins she feels connected to Kevin in such a big, deep way, the four of them a sort of unit, safe inside this little bubble they've created. She hopes that feeling will last forever.

"Hey, no, you've got to stop crying," Kevin soothes her, stroking his thumbs under her eyes. "For real, people are gonna think I screwed up in here. Smooth, remember? Let's go back to smooth." He gives her the softest smile, one that makes her heart flutter a little bit. And then the grin turns foxy, and Madison feels her own curving up to match his. "That's better."

Kevin pats her knee, his hand gently stroking the soft skin just beneath the hem of her dress. Madison covers his hand with her own, squeezing his fingers. "Well...with all this, the house and the nursery, and all the hard work you've pulled today..." She leans in closer, helped by the rocking of the chair, and nuzzles her nose against his. "I think you've just made it real, _real_ _easy_ for you to ease into my pants tonight."

Kevin laughs, rubbing his nose against hers before he steals a kiss from her mouth. "You're not wearing any." For good measure, he punctuates his words with a squeeze of her bare thigh.

Madison grins. "Exactly."

* * *

For an event planner, Madison's never hosted such a private party, nor had so many people in her home. The Pearsons only come in hot, setting the bar high with ten members; then her sister, her brother and his girlfriend; Lisa and her boyfriend and the girls from work; some neighbors; Colin, who's becoming sort of her work-husband from her boyfriend's work, if that makes sense; and all of a sudden the house is filled with people laughing and chatting and it makes Madison's heart melt.

She watches with undisguised pleasure Lisa sort of freezing still as Kevin half-hugs her after accepting a beautifully wrapped box from her and adding it to the growing pile of presents. Kevin starts babbling on about the most random things but Lisa just stares at him, wide-eyed and with the goofiest smile, until Madison puts an end to her suffering and nudges Kevin to the next guest. Madison quickly finds out that people, when they're not told about the sex of a baby, tend to go overboard with gifts, a phenomenon which is only accentuated by the fact that they are expecting _two_. But once everybody's there the chatting and buzzing seem to fade out, until they're all staring at her and Kevin, then the cakes, anxiously waiting.

Deja and Tess make a fuss out of counting the votes in the ballot box first. The results are indisputable: more than seventy percent of the guests think they're having two girls, and only two guests voted for a boy and a girl. Toby grimaces. "So what if it's two girls? Do we all get a gift or do you cut and divide the one gift between all of us?"

Madison rolls her eyes. "If it's two girls you _all_ get to spend one night with them and change their diapers, we don't do jealousy in this house," Kevin answers him. "Now, come on, shall we?" he says, turning to Madison with a beaming smile.

Madison almost doesn't want to cut the cakes, they're just so pretty. The lemon frosting creaks under the knife, and she has to stir Kevin's hand so he doesn't cut the tiny sugared animal figures. He laughs in her ear; he's so solid standing behind her, his fingers wrapped around hers around the knife, Madison can't help the visual that crosses her mind for an instant.

The two of them cutting their _wedding_ cake.

It's ridiculous, really. She and Kevin aren't getting married. They might do everything in reverse, but they're taking this _slow_ \- or at least, as slow as possible when one hook-up turns into creating two new lives. He loves her and she loves him, Madison doesn't doubt that, but _getting married_? It's not in the cards for them. They need to see how they fare in the real world, once the babies are there; if Kevin still looks at her like she's magic when she's tired and covered in vomit, if he still wants her once...

Madison shakes her head. Kevin doesn't only want her because of the babies. He's not leaving the instant they're born and he gets what he's always wanted. Kevin feels her freezing, and with his free hand he squeezes her hip. "You okay?"

Madison holds her head higher, and tips her chin at him. "Yeah. Just - a little bit nervous."

"Trust me, they're all _way_ more nervous than you are," Kevin chuckles, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "You guys ready?" he turns to the crowd. Lauren puts her hands around her mouth and cheers. "I think they're ready. Your sister and my sister are going to _faint_ ," he whispers to Madison only.

They cut a slice of cake, and there's an instant, deafening silence as they drop it into a plate and show it off. Madison can't help laughing nervously. She must have mixed up the lemon frosting with the vanilla one, Madison was certain that the lemon cake was for the girl, but then again, her brain's not exactly working these days. Instead of bright pink the slice comes off green, and there's a good thirty seconds where no one speaks. Then Nicky chuckles, so loud it almost comes out as a cackle. "It's - it's the damn _shoes_ , isn't it?" he says, wiping his eyes behind his glasses. "It's the shoes. Damn, kid."

Toby looks at him like he's gone mad. "Babies aren't born with shoes, Nicky, you know that, right?" he asks the older man, then grimaces at how stupid his own comment sounds. "I mean..." he pauses, turning to Kevin and Madison. "What does green mean?" he fake-whispers loudly.

Madison can't help giggling. "I told you no one would get it," she tells Kevin fondly. She doesn't care. It makes Kevin smile, and that's all that matters.

"Nicky did," Kevin argues with a pout. Then, as everybody else keeps staring at them, he points at his own shoes, tilting his ankle so the _Stan Smith_ logo shows.

Kate's the second one to get it. "Jesus, Kev," she says fondly. Then she turns to Toby, nudging him with her elbow. "They're having a boy. _A boy_. We lost the bet," she adds with a pout. Madison wonders if their own pair of twins will be as pouty as these two are.

Madison scans the room's various degrees of reactions. She's surprised to see Lauren with tears in her eyes; beside her Christopher rolls his eyes before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and tucking her to his side, always the big brother even though they're no longer kids. The victorious gleam in Miguel's eyes tells her he voted for at least one boy. Rebecca gives them a fond smile, her bottom lip wobbling just slightly. Everyone seems so happy, which comes as an instant relief to Madison. With all the talk from their friends and family thinking they were having two girls, Kate and Lauren's obvious excitement, Madison was a bit anxious for them to know they were having a boy. Not that she thought people wouldn't be excited, but - it doesn't quite make sense if she says it out loud, so she hasn't, but Madison was afraid people wouldn't like her son as much because he wasn't the little girl everyone had envisioned. It's crazy, really; Kevin thought they were having two girls and he's been nothing but ecstatic upon finding out they were having both a girl and a boy. It just really makes her happy, seeing everyone so happy too.

When they cut the second cake, Lauren's almost craning her neck to be the first one to spot the color of the filling.

The doorbell rings before they can finish cutting the slice, though.

* * *

_to be continued_


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison looks at the labels and can't help laughing. "Oh, look at that, babe," she calls out to Kevin. "Which one do you think we'll open first? First mommy meltdown, or dad's first time he gets peed on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't even ask me how this baby shower turned into a trilogy, but it did! here goes the fluff fest

"Don't you dare to stop cutting that cake!" Lauren all but hisses in a warning. "They'll go away." The bell rings a second time, and she throws her hands up in the air. "Good lord, I swear, people have no manners."

"Yeah, because making people wait at the door is _having_ _manners_ ," Christopher rolls his eyes. "Want me to get it, Maddie?"

Madison's fingers freeze in Kevin's. Could it be...? _No_ , her parents wouldn't come without letting her know beforehand, and their lack of a clear answer to her invitation was all the answer she needed; they're not interested in making an effort or making the first step. No. So could it be _Randall_ , after all? Beth said he had a work thing, which Madison believes is true even if it's probably only a convenient excuse. What if he's changed his mind and come? It _would_ be a typical Pearson thing to do after all - these people _do_ fly across the country for one another on a regular basis.

Freeing herself from Kevin's hold, Madison gives her brother a smile. "No, no, I'll get it. Lauren, stop making that face," she waves her hand in her sister's direction, before realizing she's still holding the knife and handing it over to Kevin. "Sorry about that. Just - wait a minute."

Madison opens the door and finds a delivery man there holding an enormous box that covers half his face as he precariously balances it in his arms. "Hi, I have a delivery for Madison Simons?"

"That's me. Mmh, Kevin, can you come over?" she calls out to Kevin. Her bump is definitely big enough to rest her arms or a glass atop it, but definitely not such a huge box. Kevin takes it from the delivery guy who smiles in relief, and Madison signs his receipt.

She has an idea of who would send such an obscenely huge package, and Kevin confirms her suspicions. "Return address is in Santa Monica. Your parents?"

"Jesus," Lauren sighs so loudly she blows some hair off her forehead. " _Mom_. She always has to go big. But come on!" she claps her hands. "The cake! I need to know if I need to return all the dresses I already bought." At her brother's cocked eyebrow, she answers with another sigh. "I had an intuition, so what? Sue me."

Kate nods her head at her like she _gets_ it - and truth be told, Madison believes she probably did the same. Kevin chuckles good-heartedly, then turns his focus back to Madison, frowning a little. She realizes she's sort of standing still, staring at the box. _This_ \- it's everything that infuriates her about her parents and the way they deal with everything. They couldn't be bothered to come to the party because they're too conservative to accept that she did not meet a man, introduce him to them, and then had the decency to start a proper courtship before getting pregnant. And since she declined their dinner invitation and refused to let them dictate the rules by meeting them how and where they wanted, here they go sending a gift like it makes them the bigger person here - like the ball is now in her court _if_ she wants to make it right, as if she's done anything wrong in the first place.

Except that in Madison's book, it just makes them the same they've always been: perhaps well-intentioned, but terribly clumsy and awkward and off-putting in the process, sometimes on the verge of controlling. She feels like she _shouldn't_ have to drive all the way back to her parents' with Kevin only so they can sit there in judgment. It's one thing for her to have to deal with them and how they always act like they know what's good for her better than her, but she doesn't want Kevin to have to go through that too. She knows exactly what her parents would say about him, and how biased they would be about everything that he is; how his career or past in the gossip columns would fuel a ton of questions and fears about his capacity to be a good caretaker, a good father and a good boyfriend - all these things Madison knows Kevin has been dreading, doubting himself, too. She won't let her parents' ill-founded preconception and prejudice get in his head. Unless they're ready to come here and be a part of her life, their lives, _she's_ not interested in them, either. It's about time they choose to make her a priority and stop seeing her as a kid who needs to be taken care of.

"Babe?"

Kevin's tilted head, the soft concern in his tone, help Madison snap back into focus. She gives him what she hopes to be a reassuring smile and grabs for his hand, tugging him back to the buffet and the cake. Kate gives her an encouraging grin, impatient and excited; when the slice comes off pink Madison doesn't know who _squeals_ the loudest, her sister or Kate or the girls, Tess bouncing up and down as she's one of the two who voted for boy and girl. Toby mumbles that she can't let Kevin make decisions like cake fillings if only his bizarre mind can understand them, to which Madison only grins before pointing at her own shoes, the same as Kevin's but in pink. Kate and Lauren stop crying in each other's arms and are on her in mere seconds, her sister babbling out about all the cute girl clothes she's got stored at home and that she couldn't keep herself from buying. "I just knew there _had_ to be one girl in there," Lauren beams, hugging her. "Oh, Maddie! A boy and a girl!"

"You _know_ Toby's gonna get them Luke and Leia costumes for Halloween now, I'm so sorry about that," Kate laughs, hugging her too. "Oh, come here, you," she calls out to Kevin, trying to pat him on the shoulder to congratulate him and ending up pulling him down for a hug.

Madison gets squeezed and hugged and kissed, Annie's small arms wrapping around her middle like it's the easiest thing in the world, Colin giving her a sweet grin, Lauren all but shoving him off the way to hug her again. Madison watches her sister's eyes go wide once they settle on Colin and she realizes how cute he is, then Lauren starts rambling an apology and drags him away for a drink. Her brother seems to think that five in the afternoon is an adequate hour to drink as he praises his latest syrah and starts serving drinks, Lauren quickly grabbing two glasses for her and her new, unsuspecting target. It's nothing short of overwhelming but in the best way, everyone beaming and congratulating them and Madison _still_ can't quite believe it - that she's here, pregnant and in love, sharing the life of someone who's made the choice to be there and who keeps making that choice every day. She looks over to Kevin who's in deep conversation with his uncle and her heart swells, she's just so happy she could _explode_.

Miguel and Rebecca finally make their way through the crowd, and Madison feels her eyes watering as Rebecca hugs her tight. "Congratulations, sweetheart. Oh, a boy and a girl, it's wonderful." Rebecca strokes her hair so softly, gently tucking a strand behind her ear as she looks her in the eye and smiles. "You're going to be a great mom, Madison, I can just feel it. I'm so happy for you two."

Madison feels a tear rolling down her cheek, and Rebecca wipes it with her thumb. "Thank you. Thank you so much for all the texts and calls and the recipes and for trying to teach me how to knit over FaceTime," Madison rambles. Rebecca has been a second mom to her for the past few weeks; it's been such a joy to have her be so invested and excited about the babies and becoming a grandmother again, Madison's felt like the distance didn't matter. And Kevin's been so happy to see his mother so psyched she almost doesn't have time to feel bummed about being far from them in St. Louis. "I can't thank you enough."

"You don't have to, sweetie. You're making Kevin happy...the _happiest_ I've ever seen," Rebecca says softly, pressing her lips together for a second as her chin wobbles the tiniest bit. "You're good for each other, and I want you two to be happy. I really wish I could do more, and be here more often."

Miguel squeezes her shoulder, his hand stroking at the nape of her neck. "We'll come over at Thanksgiving, right? Maybe stay 'till Christmas. We've been talking to her doctors," he explains, turning to Madison. "With the holidays they usually allow people to take a little break from the trial, and we both just want to spend more time with you guys." He gives her a smile. "Boy and girl, wow. Double trouble. If your girl is as pretty as you, she'll turn heads soon. And I remember how _Kevin_ was as a boy," Miguel chuckles. "You're in for a wild ride."

Madison nods her head. "I know. I can't wait," she grins. The more doctor appointments she goes to and then comes home with a green light from, the more Madison allows herself to picture them - the twins crawling all around the house, wearing their first Christmas outfits, saying their first words. She wonders who they'll look like most - if her little boy is going to be just like Kevin, kind brown eyes and the cutest dip in his chin, if they'll favor her fairer hair and skin tone or Kevin's, his skin so tanned compared to hers. When she tries to picture them a little older she can't help imagining Kevin there, too; maybe not in this house, but in another house, one they'd choose together. The more time they spend together, the more mornings she wakes up next to him, the more Madison lets herself believe that they're in for the long run - not just until the babies are a little bit older and they don't require both their attentions constantly, not just until the spark fades, but _forever_.

It's the scariest thought she's ever let herself entertain. A couple of months ago Madison would have chastised herself for even thinking about it; she would have pictured Kevin wanting to stay only as him trying to do the right thing, never because he could love her, it's such a wild idea.

Not so much anymore.

One thing's for sure, they _are_ in for a wild ride.

She _really_ can't wait.

* * *

"Okay, this is the _third_ guide for dads-to-be, you guys are starting to scare me," Kevin laughs as he unwraps Colin's gift. "You know, I read stuff, I even listen to some podcasts, I think I'm ready," he says confidently.

"Hey, you know that sound Jack makes when he's teething?" Toby asks, grimacing. Jack's cheeks are so red these days, they look on fire. "That scream? You're _not_ ready for _two_ babies screaming like that in your ears. No one's ready for that. Read _all_ the books."

Kevin turns to her, and Madison can only give him a shrug. "Want to swap for my Earth Mama recovery essentials?" she offers as she grabs for the kit Beth got her. "Organic nipple butter? You might need some if you do more half-naked billboard ads." Nicky raises his thumb at her, and Madison grins back at him while Kevin only shakes his head at her like she's betrayed him.

It takes them almost an hour to go through all the presents and thank everyone. There's an impressive collection of twin clothing, onesies and pajamas with all the twin-related humor, _double trouble_ and _born first/show off_ and _buy one/get one for free_ , and assorted _drinking buddies_ bibs. Madison watches carefully as Kevin unwraps the box from Beth and the girls for the babies, how he chuckles at the pair of onesies he finds there, little arrows showing the head, arms and legs, _you can do it, Dad!_ written across the middle. When Annie says it was Randall's idea Madison sees the shadow that crosses Kevin's eyes, how he presses his lips together for half a second before smiling again. He keeps going through the box, gushing over everything and thanking them profusely, but Madison can feel just how touched he is - how shaken-up, too.

She goes to him, wrapping her arm around his back. Madison tucks herself into his side, peeking around him into the box. "Aww, oh, that's adorable," she coos, grabbing for the twins milestone blanket in there. "Oh, look at this, Kevin! This will make such a cute background for pictures. Thank you, Beth."

"We chose it," Tess says proudly. "We went for forest animals because Uncle Kev said that's what you were doing for the nursery."

"Aw, did he now?" Madison laughs, squeezing his hip. "Was everyone in the family aware of what you were doing in there but me?"

"And _maybe_ the entire neighborhood," Kevin chuckles, biting at his lip. "I bumped into Rhonda from the end of the lane at the fabric store. It's not my fault if there _are_ a lot of women over sixty and into sewing and crafting living in your street," he argues, shrugging.

Kevin's adorable when he's flustered. Madison rolls her eyes at him, but deep down she loves how at home he feels in her home, how he's turned it into theirs; how he knows her neighbors by name, bumps into them as he jogs in the morning, old Rhonda filling a cup of milk for the stray cats she refuses to call hers but still looks after anyway, the young couple just across the street who just had a baby and that Kevin always pauses to coo at.

They're both equally just as spoiled as the babies. There's a general theme to the future dad's gifts that revolves around jokes: Toby gives him not one but two books about terrible dad jokes, while Miguel laughs as he gives him a diaper duty kit that comes complete with an apron, safety glasses, a face mask and a pair of rubber gloves. Kate pats her brother's back as he unwraps the nice new programmable coffeemaker she got them. "This beauty holds fourteen cups. You _will_ need them. Forget about running to Starbucks with one of the babies strapped to your chest." With the coffeemaker comes a spill-proof, personalized steel tumbler with his upcoming new title: _Dad, Est. 2020_. For Madison, Kate got her a cute water bottle, with tailored units of measurements: _8AM, Get started; 9AM, Keep going; 10AM, Drink More; 11AM, Almost there;_ and finally, _12PM, You did it!_ "You need to keep hydrated! Once it's twelve you need to refill it and start all over again. Sleep-deprivation is your enemy, but dehydration will _end_ you."

"True that," Christopher agrees, shoving a case of wine in Madison's hands. As she frowns at him, he laughs. "Don't worry, it's _not_ wine. Grape and raspberry juice."

Madison looks at the labels and can't help laughing. "Oh, look at that, babe," she calls out to Kevin. "Which one do you think we'll open first? _First mommy meltdown_ , or _dad's first time he gets peed on_?"

Kevin skims through the bottles, grinning. "Hopefully, _this_ one," he says, showing her the _mommy and daddy's first date night_ one. "Does this one come with Uncle Chris offering to watch the babies for the night?" he asks her brother with a wink.

"Oh, hell no," Christopher chuckles, shaking his head. "I don't know anything about babies. You can't count on me or Lauren. Look at her," he says, tipping his chin at his sister. "She'd probably invite a guy over while she's looking after the kids."

Madison follows his gaze, and finds her sister heavily leaning into Colin with a predatory look in her eyes. She can't tell if he's into it or just smiling politely at Lauren, but Madison feels like she could die from secondhand embarrassment. It would be like her sister to flirt so ostentatiously with a guy she's just met at a baby shower. "Please, go free him from her," she pleads Kevin. "She's two minutes away from having sex with him in the house. We can't have that."

"We certainly can't," Kevin laughs. He presses a kiss to her temple before dodging Lisa on his way to Lauren and Colin, apologizing to her with a hand to her shoulder and a smile.

Madison smiles at her friend as she blushes like crazy. "I'm not getting over how hot he is," Lisa babbles. "I'm just not." She hands a small package to Madison. "There you go, it's nothing much, but I figured you'd find some use to it."

It's a phone holder for strollers, which Madison finds pretty cool. "It'll make it easier to FaceTime and chat. Thank you."

Lisa shrugs. "Brad's sister just had a baby, and she calls _a lot_ , you know? She says she misses talking with another grown-up, and her baby needs, like, five strolls around the block to fall asleep. I figured you'd need one with two babies on the way."

"More and more reasons for me _not_ to look after them until they can talk and wipe their butts on their own," Christopher says with a chuckle.

"Oh, stop pretending you won't go totally gaga on them," Madison rolls her eyes. "You were the best with us when we were little. And don't think I don't see you trying with Kevin," she nudges him with her elbow. "I see it, and I appreciate it. You'll like him if you give him a chance."

"Mmh, he's okay," Christopher agrees. "I gotta admit, he's nicer than I thought. I expected him to be...I don't know, more Hollywood-style, if that makes any sense. But he's pretty down-to-earth, even if he has no idea what's coming for him with two babies screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. Dude doesn't realize he's gonna need more recovery make-up than you will, he's not getting any younger."

"Hey, shut up, you," Madison slaps his arm. "Don't tell him that, he's sensitive about his age. You should know about it, _Mr._ _I've been turning forty for four years_."

"You shut up." Christopher bumps her with his hip, then tentatively wraps his arm around her neck. "Enjoy the party? Gonna open Mom and Dad's package?"

Madison pinches her lips, then shakes her head. "No. I don't want to do this, you know - open it, call them to say thank you, and have Mom act like everything's normal. They should..."

Madison looks around. Her house's never been filled with as much love. Although it's still a bit weird to them, Kevin's family - Kate, above all others - are welcoming her so easily, his nieces looking up at her like she's their Aunt Madison already, everyone flying over from all across the country for a couple of days to celebrate, no questions asked. She would have never gotten her siblings back without this pregnancy. Everyone around her is happy and elated for her.

"I'm going to talk to Mom and Dad. They should have come today, it's not right," Christopher says, sounding so serious all of a sudden. He brushes his hand to her shoulder, squeezing it. "You asked them to come, and they didn't. That's on them, not you, Maddie."

"That's just the way it is," Madison brushes it off, feeling the way her throat constrict on instinct at the mere mention of her parents. "You don't have to -"

"It _shouldn't_ have to be," Christopher shakes his head. "For so long, we've felt like we didn't understand you when we should have been listening. You've been..." He presses his lips tightly together, clearing his throat. "You've _been_ telling us. You've been trying to talk to us and _we_ didn't understand. But here you asked for something _simple_ \- for them to come and be a part of your world. And they're the ones missing out on being a part of your life and their grandchildren's. And that's not right."

Madison avoids her brother's gaze, turning her head so he doesn't see the gleam of unshed tears in her eyes. _This_ is the Christopher she remembers, the big brother who always had her back, who always looked out for her; this is the big brother who took care of her because he _wanted_ to, not because he had to, the brother who got her into arts, the brother who chased her around and always let her win and run away even if they both knew he was taller and could have easily caught up to her.

"Hey, no, come on now, don't cry," Christopher begs, squeezing her tighter. "Don't give Kevin a good reason to punch me in the face, you know he's dying to."

Madison sniffs, bringing her hand to her face to wipe at her eyes. "To be fair, you _both_ like to play this stupid, alpha male type who punches their way through life. Which is _so not_ like any of you." She laughs at the face her brother makes, bubbly and teary. "Thank you, Chris. But don't bother, okay?" She looks over at Kevin who's trying to understand how to wear the baby carrier Kate and Toby got him, his brow furrowed as he turns it over like it's a torture device. He looks up and catches her eye, the awkward curve of his lips turning into a full-blown smile for her. "I've got everything I need right here."

* * *

"So that's the sweet chair the girls want Grandpa to make for them now."

Madison startles from where she was folding all the baby clothes and putting them away in the closet, an easy task to take her mind off things. She'll need to wash them all and fold them all over again, but Madison doesn't mind - that'll serve as another easy task that comes in handy next time she needs to empty her mind.

Beth stands at the doorway with a plate filled with cakes and sweets and her new Mommy bottle filled with cranberry juice. "You've spent the whole afternoon running from people to thank them and I haven't seen you eat or drink anything. You're carrying Kevin's babies, and if they're anything like their father already, they need to eat _a lot_."

Madison accepts the plate gratefully but the very sight of cake makes bile rise to her throat. "You know, I chose the lemon icing because I was craving lemon earlier this week? But now it's just too sharp on my tongue."

"Oh, I can get you the vanilla one if -"

"No, no, that's okay," Madison waves at her. "Don't worry about it. I'm just not - I try not to eat too many sweets. I have a weakness for honey, I put way too much in my tea, but I try to..." She puts the plate down on the changing table, and starts fussing with the canopy, unnecessarily smoothing the curtain so it evens out around the crib.

She hears the wood creak as Beth sits in the rocking chair. "You know, after I had Tess, my coworkers got me those _mommy milestones_ bottles of wine like your brother did? Except they weren't as sensitive as he seems to be and got me the _goodbye baby weight!_ one. I sort of forgot all about those bottles for a while, what with having a newborn, and Randall...well, Randall had a lot going on, we both had. And so, I don't know, seven or eight months after Tess was born he had this party at his firm, and Rebecca offered to look after the baby so I said I'd go with him. And, uh..." Beth chuckles, reminiscing. "You know we have a treadmill in our bedroom? Who does that, seriously? Anyway, Randall gets on that thing every single day, no matter how exhausted he is. I've known him twenty-two years and that man just doesn't store an ounce of fat in his body but he still does every day. So here I am, seven or eight months after giving birth, and I feel like I'm doing good, you know? I'm so exhausted that I feel like I've lost all the baby weight, I had to, so I put on that red dress I know Randall loves and..."

Madison leans against the changing table, crossing her arms over her chest; they now rest atop her belly. "And it doesn't fit?"

Beth shakes her head. "Oh, no, no it does. It fits, as in, I can put it on and close the zipper. But all _I_ can see is the extra weight around my hips and belly, and this is a nice dress, a nice, form-fitting dress, except now it's fitting all this extra weight too and it's hideous. And Randall? Bless this man, but he comes into our room and says I look stunning, and what do I do? I start crying. Complete meltdown, I just unpack everything - how tired I am, how stressed-out, and all these little things that had nothing to do with the baby weight but I had to get them out now that I'd started, you see?" Beth links her fingers together and rests her chin atop them, smiling absently. "We ended up opening that _mommy's first meltdown_ bottle instead and we didn't go to the party. We spent the night in with Rebecca and Tess in my arms while I was sipping through the entire bottle. We finished the whole case the next few months without caring about the labels." Beth looks up at her, nodding her head a little. "I'm not trying to tell you that putting on weight doesn't matter because _of course_ it matters. Your body becomes a stranger for nine months, and it doesn't stop there. Your breasts hurt and you feel bloated all the time even after your baby's born, and the weight, it just _stays_ there. My stomach's _never_ gonna be flat again and neither will yours, but that's okay. It's really okay. Your body is growing two new human beings and you're gonna have a reminder stitched into your skin forever. It's a good reminder." Beth pauses to catch her breath. "So - cut yourself some slack and enjoy those cakes because they're _amazing_."

"That's a good moral to the story," Madison chuckles, cutting a macaroon in half and biting into it. "So your first mommy meltdown happened _seven_ _months_ after your daughter was born? That's _impressive_."

Beth laughs, then shakes her head. "No, no, I just forgot about those bottles for a while. I would have had a meltdown twice a day if not for Rebecca. She was always there for me. She's like - the _ultimate mom_ , isn't she?" Beth chuckles. "Made her an even greater grandma. She's gonna be there for you and to share all her Rebecca Pearson magic. But Kate and I, we've got our own share of that Pearson magic, okay? And we're gonna be here for you _too_ , all right?"

Madison feels herself flush. She's been so caught up in her little bubble with Kevin, sometimes she forgets that she _can_ talk to Kate, that being with Kevin hasn't diminished their friendship, or made her _Kevin's sister_ instead of her best friend. Kate _would_ understand how she feels. It's nice to see Beth offering to be there too, though, and Madison appreciates it more than words can say. "I'll take all the magic, thank you. I feel like I keep thanking people today, but I mean it, truly."

Beth gives her a smile. "You don't have to thank people for wanting to be there for you, it's what family does." She stands, walking to Madison and popping her macaroon's other half in her mouth. "And Kevin isn't half-bad at being a _Pearson_ , you know? He just needs..." Beth pauses, thinking it through. "He needs to _be told_ stuff, he doesn't always... _see_ things on his own. But when you tell him something is important to you, it becomes important to him and then he doesn't even have to make an effort about it, it just...becomes sort of natural for him to care. So talk to him. And if you tell him I said that he was a good listener, I'll deny it, okay?"

She's no real threat with macaroon crumbs on the corner of her lip, but Madison nods anyway, biting on the inside of her cheeks not to grin or cry.

"Hey, Beth. Can I ask you something?"

* * *

Madison hums as she rubs her new skin and scar balm along her inner thighs where reddish streaks have started to mar her skin lately. Kevin comes up behind her and wraps his arm around her neck, nuzzling her throat as he inhales deeply. "God, you smell good," he murmurs as he presses a kiss to the sensitive skin there. "Want me to rub some on you?"

She laughs, shaking her head. "I smell funky. There's, like, a _dozen_ different oils and herbs in this, there's no way you can tell what I smell like, even less that I smell _good_. And, _no_ , I don't want you to examine my stretch marks through a magnifying glass." She pats his cheek fondly. "But thanks for offering, hon."

Kevin kisses her cheek, sniffing avidly at her skin like an overeager puppy. "Lavender and rosemary. And you _always_ smell good." She cocks a quizzical eyebrow at him, and their eyes meet in the mirror above her vanity table. "Okay, I'm leaving you to it, then," he agrees reluctantly. "I was gonna make some lime tea for Nicky, he has a hard time falling asleep when he's not home. Want some?"

Madison turns around on her stool and grabs for a fistful of his shirt. "No, nope. And neither should you, since, you know, you're supposed to get into my pants later."

She manages to deliver that line without blinking, even biting seductively into her bottom lip, and Kevin's eyes go so wide Madison almost believe they're going to pop out. He's adorable when he's flustered - does she look like he does? is it the reason why he likes teasing and flirting so much? "You...did I ever mention how much I love bold, second trimester you?" he laughs, leaning down so his mouth is a mere breath away from hers. "Because I really, really do. It's a good look on you."

He kisses her then, soft and teasing all at once, and Madison slides her hands up, tangling her fingers in his hair as a preview of just how bold he makes her. "Horny and hormonal?" she chuckles.

Kevin nips at her lip. "I was gonna go with free and untamed, but horny and hormonal _is_ more catchy. It'd make a great title for some home-video."

"Oh, get out," Madison pushes at his chest weakly. "Go enjoy some manly time with Nicky while I keep spreading this balm like I'm a piece of toast."

"'Cause that's supposed to make me leave?" Kevin whines as he backs off. "It's like you don't even hear the words that come out of your mouth. All I heard was _rub_ and _toast_ and now I want to -"

There's an exaggerated coughing sound behind them, and Madison's mortified when she sees Nicky at the door. He looks just like she does when she's fighting back nausea and the taste of bile in her mouth. "I should have known better than to expect you to come back after you said you were _just_ _checking on Madison_ ," he says with air quotes. "The kettle is on, and I'll just drink my tea before going to bed. Thank God my room is upstairs," Nicky mumbles. "Goodnight, you kids. Please don't be too loud."

Madison cringes inwardly, then gives Kevin a pointed look. There's _no way_ she's letting him have his way with her when Nicky will probably be back downstairs within half an hour to use the bathroom; it's a downside to turning her home office upstairs into the new guestroom that Madison _hadn't_ anticipated. She's not too keen on the three of them having breakfast tomorrow morning while avoiding each other's eyes because Nicky heard something weird on his way to emptying his bladder.

Kevin looks torn - and really, it's not like _she's_ happy with this either because the horniness _is_ real - but he caves in. "No, no, I'll be right there. She's got a lot of skin to rub anyway, I mean, it's _math_ , really, the more she expands, the more -"

"It's like you don't even want to get laid," Nicky rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Kevin. And have a goodnight, sweetheart," he tips his chin at Madison before turning around and going back to the living-room.

Kevin looks at her with an apologetic, awkward smile, and Madison forgets instantly that he just called her big. She's fat now, it's the medical term, she's _officially_ fat now, and she's going to own it - she has the best reason to be. "Come on, go. Lots of skin to rub, and I want to take a look at that pregnancy journal your mom got me. You're not allowed in back here until Nicky's snoring."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

The planner Rebecca got her is the sweetest keepsake. It serves as a guidebook, medical log and scrapbook all at once for everything pregnancy-related. Kate got her a similar one for the babies and Madison loves them both, but there's just something about cataloguing all these proofs that she is indeed pregnant, that this is real, that makes her oddly emotional.

She hears Kevin and Nicky laughing; she's still got time to sort out the mess she spread over the bed, ultrasound pictures and blood tests and pictures of her belly, from flat to quinoa swell to the very real bump she's sporting now. Madison remembers the first picture she took in front of the mirror, still quite not believing it; now there are plenty others, Kevin documenting her pregnancy like he's a journalist and wants to win a prize with it. At first it'd felt weird but now Madison's thankful for him, for how much energy and faith he put into this, into believing that everything would be okay and that they were right to let themselves be happy and excited about this pregnancy. For over an hour Madison revisits those memories, gel pens and washi tapes in hand, sticking pictures and writing little notes. She forgets all about the phone call she'd planned on making after getting the number from Beth - it can wait, nothing's more important than enjoying this.

Madison doesn't notice Kevin standing in the doorway until he speaks. "You look beautiful when you're happy."

She looks up; he's looking at her with such tender eyes, butterflies flutter in her stomach despite the current lack of room. "I didn't think I'd appreciate you being a paparazzo so much," she admits, turning the journal to him as Kevin sits down on the side of the bed. "Look at my belly, I have a picture for each month," she says, turning the pages. "I'm so _huge_ now."

"You're beautiful," Kevin tells her again. " _And_ you're getting bigger, and you're just all the more beautiful for it."

Madison rolls her eyes. She's wearing the plush, extra soft robe Nicky gifted her, an essential to add to her hospital suitcase for a comfy delivery in fall, and her nightdress stretches dramatically over her bump - it's about time she stores that one in the box of clothes that no longer fit. She's the exact opposite of sexy right now. "You don't need to be so smooth, you know. I'm super easy right now," she tells him, laughing. She's not even ashamed of it because it's true: all Kevin has to do is _look_ at her and it feels like all her inhibitions drop even faster than her clothes.

Kevin chuckles, reaching for her hand; he kisses the inner skin of her wrist, and Madison's heart skips a beat. Of course he'd take _you_ _don't need to be so smooth_ as a suggestion to _try even harder_. "I've got one last gift for you."

Madison bites at the inside of her cheek until she can somehow keep her cool. "Another present? You really didn't have to, Kevin, I've been spoiled so much already, and it's not even my birthday yet."

"I know," Kevin says. "I've got something else planned on Wednesday." He pulls a Pandora box out of his pocket, smiling shyly at her. "It's, uh - you open it."

Madison does, and she can't help gushing over how lovely the bracelet and charms are. She reaches for it and turns it over in the soft light from the nightstand lamp, admiring how bright and beautiful the bracelet is; polished with stones on one side and beaded with stars on the other, she recognizes the charms as their star signs, Kevin's Virgo and her Cancer, and their initials. "I don't know anything about that stuff, zodiac signs and star signs and ascendants, like, what does this even mean, but...I know this matters to you," Kevin starts as he nervously plays with his fingers in his lap. "So I was thinking, after the babies are born I can get you new charms. I know they're supposed to be Libras, but I didn't want to get them beforehand because who knows? If they're born super early they could be Virgos, or what if one of them is born just before midnight on the last day of Virgos, and the other early morning on the first day of Libras? I know that only happens in movies but, come on, our whole relationship is sort of a reverse romcom at this point. And, well, we still haven't settled on names anyway, so I'd have to wait to pick the initials, so...I don't know, I thought you might like it - having our family with you all the time."

Madison stares at him with, she's sure, what most people call her _psycho_ face, but this is just... _so_ like Kevin to do something like this. She's pretty sure that he had to Google his own birth date to know his zodiac sign, but he did it _for_ her and that's what makes her even more emotional. And he said _our family_ \- right now her heart is swelling even bigger than her belly, threatening to burst with all the love she has for him.

"What, I got it wrong?" Kevin asks, confused and worried as he stops rambling and looks back at her. "You don't like it?"

Madison shakes her head, her hair flying around as she does. Sometimes she forgets that her psycho face _can_ be scary. "No, no, it's perfect. God, Kevin, _you're_ perfect."

She drops the bracelet and cups his face with both her hands, kissing him fiercely. It doesn't take long for Kevin to react and push her down against the mattress, hovering above her as he keeps kissing her. There's a pen sticking to Madison's back, and she reluctantly pushes at his chest. "Kevin...the bed's a mess, we need to -"

He's off of her in two seconds and kneeling on the floor, palming at her thigh, pressing a kiss to the inside of her knee as he pulls her down. " _Kevin_!" Madison hisses, half-giggling. He's so silly and he's making her silly too. "We're _not_ having sex on the floor because you can't wait two minutes to clear the bed. We're not."

* * *

"I can't believe we just had sex on the floor because you _couldn't wait two minutes_."

Kevin laughs, squeezing her side tightly as he presses a kiss to the crown of her hair. "I mean, it's not like I had to _force_ you or anything. And you came so fast, you can't pretend you had time to hurt your knees."

Madison blushes furiously. She wasn't kidding when she told him she was so easy lately; besides, the rug beside the bed is so plush, she barely felt the wood underneath. _Still_. There _won't_ be a repeat, even if their make-up bed isn't so terrible, spare pillows and throw blanket all over the floor like they're a couple of naughty kids in their blanket fort.

"Besides, it's nice to mix it up a little every once in a while, it changes perspective," Kevin goes on as he pretends to take his surroundings in and sneaks a peek under the bed. "Though, you'll have to remind me to vacuum underneath there tomorrow," he says as he sneezes, dust flying under the bed. "What's that box? Did I just find your secret toy stash?" he asks excitedly, giving her a teasing, wolfish grin.

Madison looks over his chest, suddenly remembering. "You pig," she slaps at his chest. "No, that's for you - I had a gift for you, too, before you ravished me on the floor like a wildling."

Kevin rolls his eyes, fond. " _You_ were on top, I hardly ravished you."

Madison presses her hand to his mouth. "Details. Shush. Can you grab the box from here?"

He can, of course, because he's a giant and his arm is as long as her leg, basically. Madison pushes herself up, stealing Kevin's pillow to prop herself on her elbow more comfortably. Kevin shifts until his back rests against the side of the bed, and he props the box on his lap. He shakes it softly, trying to guess at its content. "You didn't have to get me anything," he says softly.

Madison laughs. "You just got me a bracelet. And you spent the whole day building the nursery and decorating the house for me."

"True," Kevin nods. "Maybe you owe me another orgasm, too, considering you caught me off guard just then and I barely had time -"

"I say this with all the love in my heart: shut up."

Kevin laughs, then pretends to zip his mouth shut. He unwraps the bow around the box and opens the lid, his face instantly lighting up. The first item he pulls out is the one Madison is the proudest of, a t-shirt with the inscription _Real men make twins_. "Okay, so this is going to my hospital go-bag, like, right now," Kevin beams. "I love it. I'm torn between wanting to wear it every day for the rest of my life or framing it."

"You only have, like, four shirts. I'd vote for _wearing_ it."

"Hey, I take offense to that," Kevin pouts. "I just - I know what I look good in, so why bother changing?"

"You own the same shirt in four different colors, and I'm not even sure _you_ can tell they're different colors," Madison argues. "People are gonna think I'm making you do all the work with the twins because you'll always look the same on pictures, they're gonna think you don't even have time to shower."

Kevin stretches and leans down, dropping a kiss on her nose. "I'm gonna get up every night to take care of them so you can sleep because you deserve to be treated like a queen," he promises. "And it's gonna be my pleasure."

Madison pushes at his face, then pulls him back in for a kiss. He's such a cute idiot and she loves him so much. "I'll remind you when you pretend to sleep and that you didn't hear them cry."

"I'll never do that."

" _I_ will, then," Madison giggles. She props herself on his knee and Kevin helps her sit up. Spontaneous, hurried sex on the floor might be nice, but it's a pain for her to straighten up with the extra weight around her middle pulling her down. _Gravity_ , ugh. Madison tucks herself to his side, tipping her chin at the box. "Come on, go on."

She's emptied the entire _gifts for expectant dads_ aisle and she's not ashamed of it. Kevin's going to be such a great dad, Madison can just see it, feel it in her bones, she wants him to know just how much she believes in him. He laughs as he uncovers his _New Dad, Rookie Season_ coffee mug, beams as he flicks through the pages of his _My Quotable Kid_ journal. "To remember when they tell you you're not cool, or any other nice thing kids say," Madison tells him.

Finally, his laughter fades a little, and his grin turns softer, touched, a tiny wobble in his chin as he holds the ultrasound picture Madison had framed for him. "It's, uh, it's the picture from when we found out about the genders," Madison needlessly explains. Kevin was there, and she remembers the face he made so vividly. "I thought - even if it was a scary night for us, it's also a very nice memory, and -"

She doesn't get to finish her sentence as Kevin's mouth covers hers, slow and sweet. "Ask me who's my favorite person in the whole world," he murmurs against her lips.

Madison grins, feels his own lips curve against hers. "Favorite person in the whole world?"

Kevin pretends to think as he kisses her again, his fingers curling at her neck, his lips following there. He nudges the strap of her nightdress with his nose, and Madison giggles. "You."

He pushes his box aside and palms at her waist, her thigh, cupping the back of it and pulling until she gets his intention and follows his lead, straddling him. "I'm your favorite person to have sex with on the floor when there's a perfectly fine bed right there," she laughs against his mouth.

His mouth is hot against her skin, lips trailing a fiery blaze across her chest, down her sternum and to the upper curve of her breast. "You're my favorite person to have tea with," he says, cupping his hand around her breast. "You're my favorite person to talk to. You're my favorite person to do this with, this whole movie in reverse thing with the weirdest beginning but the best happy ending."

It's just like him to be so earnest and honest and hot at the same time, and Madison's torn between crying and kissing him; she does just that, tangling her fingers in his hair and pressing herself as close to him as she can get, never wanting to let him go, tears burning at the back of her eyelids. He's her favorite too - her favorite mistake turned into the best idea she's ever had, her favorite person to open up to, her favorite person to do this with, take a leap of faith and believe in the future.

His free hand drops to her waist, then slowly slides down her body, slipping under the fabric of her nightdress. Madison inhales sharply; he's her favorite person to do this with, too.

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're reached the end of the chapter, congrats ! make the most of it to leave your thoughts! yup, i'm looking at you, and you know it! feedback is important y'all!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison gives him a tentative smile, and Nicky lets out a heavy sigh. "Don't give me that look. Pretty girls like you, they know exactly what they're doing with a smile like that."
> 
> "Softening old grumps?"
> 
> He shoots her an half-assed glare, which only makes Madison beam brighter. "Don't get cocky. Drink your tea, and I'll make you breakfast. What do the little carrots like to eat these days?"
> 
> "They're corn-sized and you know it, don't pretend," Madison sticks her tongue out at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I was on hiatus but then my girl Elena's birthday came up so I had to write her a thing. It's, like, Friendship 101. So. Happy birthday girl!

Madison wakes up to the other side of the bed being empty, though still warm; there's a flush to her cheek, a tingling sensation she believes comes from Kevin, the fleeting memory of a kiss and the scrap of his scruff and a few murmured words she couldn't quite decipher while she was still deep in slumber. Madison reaches for her plush robe and slippers and can't help rolling her eyes at herself for the way she waddles out of her bedroom. She's turning into a mama duck and she doesn't want to imagine what she'll look like in another couple of months and by October when her belly is so swollen she won't be able to see her feet anymore.

Nicky's standing by the stove, watching the kettle as the tea brews. "Hey, sweetheart," he greets her, going to pull out her chair for her. "Slept well?"

She smiles up at him gratefully. For someone who claims not to like people, Nicky is oddly attentive to her and it moves her deeply. "Yeah, like a baby. Until these two decided to wake me up in the middle of the night. How about you? Kevin told me you're not very comfortable outside your own home."

Nicky nods absently. "Old habits die hard. It's been just me and my trailer for so long..." He starts filling two mugs, and places one before her before going back to the kitchen to fetch her honey. "Well, my brand new RV now, courtesy of Kevin."

There's the tiniest hint of sarcasm behind the comment, but no real heat. Madison understands the feeling: it's just like Kevin to make big gestures like this, get Nicky a new RV or plane tickets to come over without really asking, or tell her he could see them getting a house together a couple of weeks only after finding out she was pregnant. Kevin does this - he goes big for the people he cares about, he can't help himself, always wanting to do more and help and fix things, even when it's not his place to do so.

"Thank you for staying with us a few more days," Madison gives him a smile. "I know it means a lot to Kevin, and to me too, of course. But I know he's really happy he gets to spend some time with you. I just hope it's not too much of an inconvenience for you."

Nicky reaches over and pats her hand. "Don't worry about it, it's just - did you know this is the first time I've left Pennsylvania in forty years?" He lets out a soft chuckle, playing with his tea spoon. "Haven't been on an airplane since I came back from...well, since Vietnam."

It makes his uprooting himself for a simple baby shower so much more touching. Madison wipes her fingers underneath her eyes. She focuses on the steam rising above her cup and Nicky does the same for a while, the silence between them companionable. "Where is Kevin anyway?" Madison finally asks. "I think he told me something before getting out of bed but I was still too out of it."

"Ah, yeah, Beth called, something wrong with the shower and cold water only, he went back there to see if he could fix it," Nicky tells her. He stares at her for a moment, deep in thought. "I have to admit, I don't understand it - your living arrangements, I mean. It's nice of him to run a B&B when his family comes over, sure, but..." Nicky looks around, gesturing to the house with his hand. "You're both living here together now, aren't you? So why does he keep an apartment he doesn't live in any longer?"

Madison sucks in a breath, feeling uneasy. Nicky's right - he often is, silent and observant as he is there's not much that escapes him, always spotting the flaw in the plan. "It's just that...when we first discussed it, we both agreed that it'd be good for the babies if we lived together when they're little, but, uh..."

Nicky shakes his head. "What does _little_ even mean?" He chuckles, patting her hand again. "How is this supposed to work? He stays here until they sleep through the night? Until they're potty-trained or start going to school? And then what - he goes back to living in that apartment and you stay here with the kids? What's the big plan?"

"I don't know, we haven't -"

Nicky laughs for real this time, and he smiles at her fondly, squeezing her fingers for a second before letting go. "You haven't _what_? Do you really expect Kevin to go back to that apartment someday? He _loves_ you. Damn, that kid loves you as much as it is possible to love someone. He's _never_ leaving you - not unless you tell him to pack up his things and leave. Even then, he'd probably manage to persuade your next-door neighbor to move out and leave him their house so he could be closer."

Madison looks down at her hands; she focuses on the warmth emanating from her mug, wraps her fingers around it for comfort. She hears Nicky's argument, she does - but thoughts of _forever_ and _permanence_ have just always been so out of her league, they seem unreal. She doesn't want Kevin to go - can't imagine waking up alone in the morning, the lingering scent of him in her sheets slowly fading. She doesn't want that. But they _haven't_ talked about it - having children together and settling for this domestic life are two different things, and Madison doesn't know if Kevin realizes it yet. "I - I don't know what he wants," she admits with a shrug. "It was just easier to focus on the babies - how we were going to raise them together, how that would work out. I don't know...I just don't know if Kevin...if he wants this life with _me_. I don't know if he wants this life _every day_ with me. He wants to be here to care for the babies, I know that, I _trust_ that, but..."

She hears Nicky's inhale; feels his sigh as it comes out, heavy and loud. "You know, for two smart people, you're both incredibly dumb sometimes," he says. "You're in love and you're having children together. Back in my day, that was all people needed. Besides, you two are...what did that woman write again?" He's out of his chair and picking up his phone from the coffee table, his thumb flicking over his phone screen. "End of the game? Is that a thing?" he asks Madison, wrinkled nose like the words he's saying sound foreign to his own ears.

"What? What are you talking about? What woman?"

Nicky comes back and slides his chair closer to hers. " _Endgame_ ," he corrects himself. "Look."

Madison recognizes the now familiar celebrity blog. She's not exactly surprised to see a new entry about her and Kevin after their Instagram reveal from the night before; the _title_ of the article _does_ make her blink her eyes a few times, though.

**Double Trouble for Mr. & Mrs. Pearson!**

By Holland Rhodes, 06/28/2020

_Kevin Pearson never ceases to surprise us. In just over a month the beloved TV actor turned Hollywood walk of fame brand name these past two years introduced us to his girlfriend aka The Baby Mama™. Little did we know that we should actually call her The Mother, not of Dragons, but of Babies, **plural**!!!_

_Quite a few pictures popped up all across Instagram yesterday, courtesy of two very excited aunts-to-be and Pearson's adorable niece, and we were left swooning over these two lovebirds sharing their happy news with their families and close friends at their gender-reveal party. Madison, Pearson's girlfriend, was glowing and looking more stunning than ever in a beautiful Tiffany blue, chiffon V-neck halter summer dress that hugged her pregnancy curves (shop her whole look **here**!). She's definitely putting all the others Instamoms to shame with her simple, natural Boho chic style, and Pearson was mooning over her on every picture as if she were the living embodiment of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream - and **we** were living the dream with them._

_After sharing a few pictures of the two parents-to-be surrounded by their loved ones, Pearson and his girlfriend took charge of the gender reveal - which turned into yet another major reveal. These two are just the gift that keeps on giving. Pearson posted a picture of **four** pairs of shoes aligned by the door, four pairs of Stan Smith, Pearson's and his girlfriend's and tiny, baby-sized ones, green and pink, tagged "#1980 #1986 #2020 #2020 !!!" The future mother shared the sweetest picture of herself surrounded by Pearson's nieces and nephew, the toddler on her lap nibbling at a green-filled macaroon while the three girls were sharing a piece of pink-filled cake. _

_They're having **twins**! Boy and girl, best of both worlds - and how cute is that baby shoes announcement, really??? It's such a typical move from Pearson to go big like this - a month ago we didn't know the name of his blonde beauty, and now they're making not one, but two mini-them. We certainly love how extra they are being about this baby-making business._

_And I'm calling it - these two have grown beyond #couplegoals and straight into **#endgame**. At this point they could already be secretly married that I wouldn't even be surprised about it. Good for them! And if the wifey is in charge of their wedding planning, I have no doubt it'll be The Wedding of the decade. Have you seen all the careful planning that went into this baby shower? Those "Tea for Two" balloons are ADORABLE._

_Now, though, what will they name those babies? I still believe that Holland Pearson sounds great. Will they go with names with the same initials, like Pearson and his own twin sister Kate? Names that start with K and M? Hit us up with your favorites!_

"I don't know what impresses me the most," Madison says after a while, giving Nicky his phone back. "That you read the gossip column, or that you keep better track of Kevin's name in the press than I do."

Nicky glares at her for a hot half-second before he sighs grumpily. "Mmh, well, I have one nephew who's a movie star, another who is a city councilman and just got a...certified Tweet account?"

"Verified Twitter account."

"Yeah, that, whatever that means. And my niece sings, and I might not know anything about movies or politics, but this I get, and she's good. If I want to understand anything about their lives, I have to," he shrugs.

Madison thought it would be hard, reconnecting with her siblings and her parents - but she can't even begin to fathom what it must have felt like to Nicky, seeing three strangers at his doorstep claiming to be his long-lost brother's children, then finding out that his brother had died two decades before. Madison absently strokes her hand over her belly. She _can't_ imagine her children not knowing Nicky now that she's met him; she sees the way he's so fond of Kevin, how his teasing is just his way of showing he cares, putting Kevin in his place when he needs it; how he's a better listener than he seems to realize, giving good advice and helping in any way he can. And she knows just how much he means to Kevin because he's starting to mean just as much to her.

"Did you ever think about..." Madison starts, then pauses, feeling uneasy and kind of bad at her own curiosity. She and Nicky aren't close; perhaps she shouldn't bring this up. But Kevin is family and so is Nicky, and Madison can't help wondering. "Kevin told me his father came by to see you once when they were just kids. You _knew_ about them. Did you ever think about, I don't know, just showing up there someday? Drive to Pittsburgh and see them?"

If Nicky's affected or upset by her questions, it doesn't show. He takes a careful sip of his tea, the lenses of his glasses fogging up with the steam. He puts his mug down and wipes them carefully with the hem of his shirt. "You know, I don't spend a lot of time wishing on things that can't be changed. But I wish I could tell you I did." There's the slightest shaking in his fingers, and Nicky wraps them around his mug, holding onto it tightly. "I didn't. Not once."

"Why?" The question comes out before Madison can rethink it, or try to ponder the puzzlement in her voice. Nicky scratches at his beard. He holds his hand in a fist before his mouth, and Madison's reminded of Kevin. The visual flashes before her eyes: Kevin at their first doctor appointment together, how his fingers had trembled as he held them before his face just like this, almost choked-up as he stared at the screen. "Nicky, I'm sorry, I didn't -"

"It's fine, you're fine," Nicky waves her off, not unkindly. "When Jack came to see me - for a second I believed I was getting my brother back. More than that, it felt like _I_ was his brother again, not this..." He clears his throat. "After I came back from Vietnam, I didn't really feel like a person anymore. I couldn't go home, couldn't face my father, couldn't put my mother through this. But Jack knew what it was like - what we all went through. I thought he'd understand. But when he came by, he told me he didn't want to deal with any of this - the war, the memories, and me. And, uh..."

He wets his lips, his tongue briefly flicking over his bottom lip. Madison feels mortified that she even asked in the first place. What does she know about what war does to a person? Or what it feels like to feel so estranged from your loved ones, even from yourself? Her own experience doesn't even begin to compare to his.

"I guess it was easier to take the coward way out," Nicky shrugs. "Jack told me to stay away, so I did. I didn't fight it, and the drinking just got heavier...until I forgot that he had this beautiful wife and those happy, smiling kids on the photograph he showed me. I didn't _want_ to think about the fact that he had it all and I didn't, or that I'd never be a part of his life again, so I didn't let myself think about it." He shakes his head self-deprecatingly. "You'd think I'd recognize my own brother's kids when they showed up, but I didn't. All I saw was this strange man looking through my blinds and I just felt threatened."

"You couldn't imagine they'd show up, that's not your fault," Madison offers kindly.

Nicky shrugs again. "I forgot their faces. I drank so much after Jack's visit, I could never remember their faces afterwards. I didn't want to remember. They were better off not knowing about me, anyway."

He sounds so dejected, Madison feels her heart aching for him. He might not have been a part of Kevin's life for a long time, but she knows just how much Kevin loves him, how much their relationship means to him. She doesn't know much about Kate and Kevin's dad, but she knows what it did to them, losing him so young - and Madison knows what it brought to Kevin's life, _gaining_ an uncle. And Nicky's trying, he's trying so hard to be a good uncle, to be a good person, a real person, and it must he so hard for him...

"There's no way to know that," she says softly. "But I know things are gonna be good from here, right?"

Madison gives him a tentative smile, and Nicky lets out a heavy sigh. "Don't give me that look. Pretty girls like you, they know exactly what they're doing with a smile like that."

"Softening old grumps?"

He shoots her an half-assed glare, which only makes Madison beam brighter. "Don't get cocky. Drink your tea, and I'll make you breakfast. What do the little carrots like to eat these days?"

"They're corn-sized and you know it, don't pretend," Madison sticks her tongue out at him. "They're moving so much, I can't eat anything. Do you..."

It feels sort of weird - Kevin's the only one beside her who's felt the babies. Nicky frowns, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Oh, no, I don't know about that," he shakes his head. "It's you kids' thing."

Madison rubs her hand across her belly, pressing down on the lower side of her bump. "I think it's the girl kicking there," she explains. "On the last ultrasound, she was sort of there, and he was curled around her, more like, up there. Her kicks are a little sharper, more erratic. When he kicks it's more intentional, like he wants to remind me that he's there."

"Sounds like Kevin," Nicky chuckles. "I swear, sometimes the kid only texts me to remind me that he exists."

Madison grins. "It's sweet and you know it." Nicky shrugs then winks at her, digging into his piece of pink cake. Madison gnaws at the inside of her mouth, hesitating. She and Kevin were thinking about doing this later on, maybe even _after_ the babies were born, just to be sure; but Madison just has this feeling that Nicky would feel more at-ease when it's just the two of them. "Nicky, you know, there's something Kevin and I wanted to ask you. We've been thinking a lot about it, and, uh, we hope that you know how important you are to us and -"

"Are you proposing to me?" Nicky interrupts her, looking dead serious.

Madison frowns. "What? No, of course not! Not that you're not _proposable_ or anything, God, is that even a word? I'm just - _not_."

"Then don't be so nervous," Nicky grins. "You look so serious, I feel like you're gonna tell me I have cancer or something," he teases her.

Madison links her fingers and rests them atop her belly. The constant kicking motion soothes her, making her feel like she's never alone. "We would really like you to be one of the twins' godfather. The boy, actually. We would be honored if you agreed to being his godfather."

Nicky's face competes with Kevin's when she told him she was pregnant. With what Beth told them about Randall's reaction, it seems to be a thing Pearson men share. He averts his gaze, lacing his own fingers together for composure. "Listen, Madison, this is -"

"Madison? No more _sweetheart_ , I see," Madison tries teasing him. "I'm not upset at all, go on."

Nicky looks back at her, half-amused. He still looks so serious. "I'm very flattered. This is an honor, really, but...I don't know anything about kids," he admits. "I don't even know anything about being an uncle, this kid deserves more from his godfather. They deserve someone who's going to be there every step of the way and know what they're doing."

Madison nods her head a couple of times. "I get it, I do. I've been thinking the same. All I know about being a mom, I learned it from listening to podcasts and watching Kate with Jack." She shrugs. "If you knew my parents they'd tell you I don't have what it takes to be a mom. Even just a few months back, if you'd asked my brother and sister, they would have told you that I needed to learn how to take care of myself first before even thinking about having children." The corner of her mouth curves into a wistful smile. "That's what I believed too. That I wouldn't be a good mom either. But now I think - I think that trying your best is half the work, you know? I'm doing my part, and Kevin's doing his part, and we're trying, and we're gonna keep on trying. And that's what we want from people in our life - to try and love these babies as much as we do. And I feel like _you_ do, and that's all that matters."

The corner of Nicky's mouth twitches. "You're hard to say no to, I'll give you that, sweetheart."

Madison resists the urge to clap her hands. If he's calling her _sweetheart_ again, she must have done half the work on convincing him. Besides, she's seen him with Cassidy's son and Jack and Randall and Beth's girls - his dry humor and teasing work perfectly well with Deja and Tess, and she sees the way his eyes soften when they land on Jack, how he coos at him, holds him with arms that are shaking from emotion, not dread. "All I'm asking is that you think about it, okay? No pressure. It's just - I can get very emotional because of the hormones, you know, so, if you're thinking about saying _no_ , perhaps say the opposite?" Madison grins at him. "You know, so I _don't_ cry. I know how you feel about crying."

Nicky shakes his head, laughing. The look he gives her is warm and fond. "As if one Kevin wasn't enough, he had to pick the one woman who's just as tenacious as he is, uh? And here you are making another two. _Damn_."

* * *

"You're staring at me. Do I have some vomit on my chin?"

Kate shakes her head, laughing. "No, no you don't. I'm sorry, it's just...the last time we spent some time just you and me, I was taking you to the doctor's." Kate's gaze wanders from head to toe. "You look good. You look better."

"Yeah, the nausea is still...constant, if I'm honest, but no more dizzy spells. That's a relief." Madison pauses, gnawing at her thumbnail. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. I feel like we never have time to see each other anymore, but I just have a lot to deal with, and -"

Kate waves her concern off. "It's okay. Ever since Jack was born I've been more focused on him, that's normal. We're not seeing less of each other because of you. I've been busy with the adoption process and you've got your own thing going on with Kev..." Kate pauses, shaking her head. "This is still weird," she chuckles. "Not you and Kev, just saying it out loud. But you have two babies on the way, and you're still navigating this whole situation, so, you know. It's okay if you and I are getting a little less time together, we'll make up for it in a few months. Leave the kids to the men and go out for ladies night."

"Oh, we could rent a hotel room and just spend the whole night in those plush bathrobes?" Madison suggests excitedly. Now that she's been treated to Kevin Pearson's hotel routine, she's gotten a taste for it. "Room service, face masks, terrible romcoms Kevin and Toby would never watch with us. Do you know your brother had the audacity to tell me I couldn't marathon the whole _Christmas Prince_ saga because it's _summer_?"

Kate's expression matches Madison's own indignation as she looks over at Kevin - who's showing off his supposedly great dance moves to Tess and Deja who are giving such _dork alert_ vibes - and shakes her head. "Who raised him, really. Make him watch some dance movie, you'll do us a favor."

"It's only fair that someone so handsome would have one fatal flaw," Madison shrugs. Kevin and Toby are having some sort of dance battle with the girls while Annie is filming the whole thing, and Kevin is just _terrible_. Toby at least has some style, dorky as he is, but Kevin..."I don't understand how he can be so bad, he usually doesn't lack coordination, if you know what I mean."

Kate glares at her, and Madison gives her a cheeky grin. "Changing the subject _right now_ ," she warns her with a waggle of her finger. "I just found out yesterday but I didn't want to step on your big day, but I got a gig!"

Kate's smile is so wide, and Madison feels so proud of her. "Oh, Kate! That's fantastic news!" she congratulates her friend as she leans over her chair to hug Kate. "Oh, tell me _all_ about it. Is it one of those Adele gigs? Please say no, I want people to hear the real you."

Kate gives her a smile, barely hiding her own excitement. "No, no Adele, though that's how they heard about me. So, there's this radio host who's doing this whole, thirty seconds of new, up and coming, yet-to-be-discovered talents, and they asked for a video and now they want me to come over for a real, live show. Nothing big," Kate instantly moderates. "They just want me to sing one song at the end of their Friday night podcast."

"But it _is_ big," Madison insists. "Enjoy this, this is amazing. I'm so happy for you. So where is it? Are you going this next Friday?"

"Yeah, I'm still trying to figure it out with Toby. It's in San Diego, and -"

"Kev and I will watch Jack for you," Madison interrupts her. "You go with Toby, enjoy a romantic weekend getaway. We'll look after Jack, it'll be good practice for us."

Kate gives her a concerned look. "Are you sure? I don't want you to exhaust yourself, he's kind of a firecracker these days. And he's been teething so he's kind of fussy, he'll wake you up all night."

"Well, so will these two," Madison says, smoothing her hand across her belly. "They're already keeping me up all night, it's like, I get that they have no sense of what time it is, but I wish I could somewhat sleep-train them while they're still in there because they go all _Cirque du Soleil_ on me between two and five in the morning like clockwork." She reaches over for Kate's hand and gives it a squeeze. "It'll be fine. We can even come over and stay at your house so Jack has all his toys and we don't disrupt his habits. You guys deserve some time to yourselves. You'd do the same for us."

"Look after the babies so you can rest a bit? _Yeah_ ," Kate nods her head. "But only if you promise _not_ to tell me about how you made the most of it to have sex."

"Can't you feel it through the twin bond though, anyway?" Kate glares at her with murderous eyes. " _No_? Okay, then. No more talking about your brother's sex moves."

Kevin chooses this exact same moment to look up and wave at her, and for a second Madison wonders if she said that last part so loud that he could hear her over Tess and Deja's laughter and snarky comments on his dancing. But he only smiles at her then goes back to the girls, stealing Tess's phone from Annie's hand and dancing with the youngest of his nieces. Beth comes up with her own phone to capture the moment.

"You're good, though?" Kate asks, softer. "You and Kev."

Madison ponders the question for a while. She looks over at Kevin, and can't help smiling upon how the sun seems to gild him. He's never looked as good as he does now in that afternoon glow, laughing and having fun with his nieces, smiling so big it shows his perfect teeth, bright and white. No one looking at him now could imagine that earlier today he and Nicky went to a meeting, and, she supposes, neither would anyone picture her bent over the toilet emptying her stomach after almost every meal, or anxiously analyzing her weight chart on Kevin's app to make sure she's not endangering the babies. Apart from the heavy nausea Madison feels otherwise fine, finally making peace with the ups and downs of this pregnancy. Gaining on weight is still scary, but Madison's now more scared of _losing_ some; she focuses instead on all the nicer aspects, the shiny, thick hair, the glowing skin, the look in Kevin's eyes whenever his eyes fall upon her. It's comforting warmth and searing heat at the same time, tenderness and lust, love. They're not hiding their problems, or deluding themselves - now she and Kevin have found this balance between them, openly talking about their issues, finding comfort and support in each other, and Madison doesn't feel like they're in over their heads anymore. She might not feel a hundred percent confident all the time, but Kevin's there when she feels down, just like she's here for him to cheer him up when he needs it.

"We're good," Madison tells Kate confidently. Of that, she is completely certain.

Kevin comes up to them, half-jogging through the yard and up the porch stairs. There's a fine sheen of sweat up his forehead from all his crazy dancing that fills Madison's nostrils as he leans down to peck her cheek, his hand coming instantly to rub across her belly. "I hope you guys weren't judging my moves," he chuckles.

Kate all but spills her tea as she snort-laughs. Madison tries to hide her grin behind her hand. "Of course not, hon," she cups his cheek, running her thumb across it fondly.

Kevin narrows his eyes at his sister, then his mouth curves into a pout. "Mmh, I'm not sure I believe you." He nudges at Madison's fingers with his nose, kissing the inside of her palm. "Come on, come dance with me. The girls are mean to me, I need the support."

Kate tilts her head to the side. "He _does_ need the help."

"I said support, not help. I can dance." Kevin complains. "I mean, maybe I'm not that good, but I can make my body move, so _technically_ that's dancing." He turns his attention back to Madison, and murmurs. "Help me? Please?"

He takes her hand in his, and when has she ever been able to deny him before? Madison lets him heave her to her feet, ready to follow him anywhere.

* * *

" _Oh_ , baby."

She hears the _click_ of the bathroom door as Kevin shuts it behind him. Madison closes her eyes, and presses both her hands to her face to cover herself. "Kev, don't come in here," she pleads. She wipes her hand across her mouth, her fingers coming off wet and sticky from throwing up. "Just - don't. I - I-"

She feels Kevin's hand at her back, soothing and comforting and warm as he rubs it along her spine, going down on his knees beside her. "Hey, Madison. Come on, come here," he says as he pulls her into his arms.

Madison wants to resist, she does. She can't have him seeing her like this, sick on her mouth, her skin sweaty and pale. She doesn't want him to hear the sound of her retching in his brain on repeat from now on. But the moment Kevin's arms wrap around her and pull her to him Madison lets herself sink into him, hiding her face in his chest, her hand splayed over her mouth both to keep herself from throwing up again and so Kevin can't smell her foul breath; and before she knows it, tears start flowing freely from her eyes, sobs shaking her body. She's so worn out from feeling like this, her body betraying her, sometimes making her feel so drained and indisposed it's hard to remember this pregnancy is a miracle, what with the havoc it's wreaking on her.

"Mads," Kevin speaks the nickname softly, combing his fingers in her hair as he rocks back onto his heels and sits against the edge of the bathtub, bringing her with him. His touch is so soft, so achingly tender as he holds her, hands running all over her, his lips pressing to the crown of her hair. "Do you want to go lie down? You want me to help you up?"

She shakes her head and regrets it instantly, it just makes her feel even more nauseous. "I'm not - I'm not sure I'm _done_." There's this knot in her throat where it's scraped and raw, but her stomach still flutters weirdly, threatening to heave again.

"Okay," Kevin says softly. "Okay, all right. I'm gonna grab a washcloth, clean you up a bit, would that make you feel better?" he asks her with that sweet, calm voice, like she's this scared deer caught in the headlights. In a way, that's _exactly_ how Madison feels. He's caught her at her worst, and she keeps hoping that if she doesn't move or say a thing, he won't see her.

She feels the loss of his warmth instantly, then the rush of hot, pinpricking shame making her skin tingle when Kevin gently wraps his fingers around her wrists to lower her hands from her face. "I hate that you're seeing me like this," Madison confesses, hating just how weak and frail her voice sounds even more. Her throat still burns from the bile. She barely had a tiny piece of cake this afternoon, but she _knows_ it's the sugar that upset her stomach; lately even the honey in her tea sometimes makes her feel slightly sick. There's this bitter, coming in waves, taste lingering in her mouth.

Kevin touches his hand to her cheek, gently stroking his thumb along and catching a couple of tears. Madison _can't_ look him in the eye, focusing instead on the lower part of his face, the dimple in his chin; his lips are pressed together like he's keeping himself from saying something. He washes her face softly, goes to rinse the washcloth off. When he kneels down in front of her again his hands find her face, thumbs tipping her chin up. "I hate seeing you like this, but I hate knowing that you're facing it _alone_ even more," Kevin says. He tilts his head to the side so he can meet her eyes that she resolutely keeps casted downwards. "I can't do anything about the nausea, I can't take it from you, but you _don't_ have to keep it from me. You don't have to hide from me."

Madison shakes her head again, closing her eyes. She can't deal with his proximity, his scrutiny, the way Kevin's eyes seem to _see_ her in a way no one else ever has before - like he knows all of her without her having to spell it out. "I don't want to gross you out," she murmurs. The admission embarrasses her _so much_. It's vanity and it's not, it's so much _more_ than that. It's about letting him in this part of her mind, the place where her insecurities run wild and her rational brain can never win, no matter how many times she tries telling herself that Kevin doesn't care about these things, that it's one of the things she loves about him, how he makes her feel at ease, comfortable in her own skin. Madison knows it but she can't help it, this innate, instinctive flight response. "I don't want you to go hide in your car and stay there for hours because you can't deal with me."

She can feel his confusion; his fingers flutter and tense, Madison doesn't have to open her eyes to know he's frowning. Then Kevin lets out this tiny, only half-hearted chuckle. "What - it's about this story back when I was a kid, when everyone was sick at the house?" he asks, bewildered. "You think I'm gonna run away because you're _throwing up_? Sweetheart, how many times -" He pauses, and Madison opens her eyes to see him close his briefly, the smallest sigh escaping his lips. Kevin shakes his head, his eyes so apologetic she feels bad for saying anything. "I'm sorry, I don't want to sound like - like I'm insensitive," he says, eyes boring into hers. "I'm not trying to tell you you can't feel the way you do, I just wish you didn't. God, I'm just doing this all wrong. I just wish you didn't feel like this, like crap. And if you need to hear me say it, and prove it to you one more time or every day, I _will_. I'm _not_ running anywhere, Madison. I don't think you're gross. I don't need you to always look peppy and pretty and dolled-up." He strokes her cheek, then leans into her, his forehead touching hers. "I love you. I love you the way you are. And I'd still love you if you were covered in vomit. I don't love you only when it's easy, Madison. I love you all the time, and -"

She pulls away and his brow furrows, and Madison's scrambling to the toilet before she throws up on him. Kevin is right behind her, murmuring apology after apology as his fingers sift through her hair, holding it away from her face as she finishes emptying her stomach. There's no dignity to the way she clings to the porcelain - head bent, the gagging sound from the back of her throat, this little wounded noise of pain and embarrassment as the nausea recedes at last.

Kevin grabs for the washcloth again, runs it under warm water, and proceeds to help her freshen up all over again. "It's a shame no one got you a vomit duty starter pack," Madison tries to laugh off the bitter, acid taste in her mouth. She gladly accept the glass of water he gives her, though she still winces as it washes down her throat. "I'm just going to stay here for a little while longer," she tells him, trying to sound brave. "Just in case. I'll come to bed in a bit."

Kevin does this thing where he half-rolls his eyes, not in exasperation, but fond. He sits and leans against the bathtub again, and reaches for her, tugging down at her arm until Madison gets the hint and lies down with her head on his lap. The bathroom tiles are chill enough that it's a nice contrast, the coolness of it with the comforting warmth of Kevin's body.

Kevin wraps his arm around her, across her belly, stroking up her side until his fingers reach her cheek. He caresses her face with the gentlest touch, Madison nuzzles into it, briefly closing her eyes. "I'm sorry. For interrupting your very sweet speech like that."

Kevin chuckles above her. "Anytime." He traces the bow of her upper lip with his finger, and his free hand tangles in her hair, slowly massaging her scalp. "Feeling any better?"

Madison frowns. "I'm not sure yet. But this is good, this feels so good," she does her best to smile up at him, reaching for him, her hand grabbing onto his forearm stretched across her body. She gives it a squeeze, keeps her hold there, both as an anchor for her, and a connection to Kevin. "I can't believe I threw up in the middle of the best love declaration I've ever heard."

"The _middle_ of it?" Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. "Mads, I had, like, a three pages, single-spaced presentation in my head. With graphs and tables and figures."

She can't help it - she laughs, something caught between a snort and this bubbling noise that makes Kevin grin. "Wow, now _that's_ romantic."

"There _is_ a graph about the number of bad jokes you laugh at for my sake and how I love you for it," Kevin assures her. "Tell you what, maybe I should just make a PowerPoint presentation."

"Hey, see, those are growing on you," Madison points out.

"There are some tables about all the stuff you love that I never even heard of or gave a thought to before and how that makes me love you even more," Kevin goes on. "It's a very thorough study."

His hand is warm against her cheek, his voice honey-rich, Madison could fall asleep like this, lulled by how solid and steady and safe Kevin feels. But her heart's beating like crazy at all of this talk about _love_. It completely blows her mind, the depth of his feelings for her.

Madison's not sure how to deal with it.

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to leave your thoughts! there's no need to beg for more if I don't even know what it is that you like about this story!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's in moments like this that Kevin is reminded that Nicky is his father's brother, the resemblance striking in the way he looks at him, stern and serious like he's about to call him out on his bullshit, a look that Kevin remembers from Jack whenever he was being lazy or taking too many shortcuts as a kid. His father never let him off the hook, and Nicky looks like he's not about to, either. 
> 
> "It doesn't matter how or when you're gonna ask, but you need to make sure she knows. Because I feel like she could be the best thing to ever happen to you, and I'd have to slap you if you screw that up. And...you deserve to have something good, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so there was supposed to be another segment in this chapter but it got SO LONG ALREADY, like, almost 8k, what is this, so, here goes - I think that what remains should be satisfactory anyway. ;)

They haven't crossed the studios' big, front entrance yet, but Kevin can't hold it in any longer. "So, what did you think about it?"

Nicky pretends to think about it for a while. He's messing with him and Kevin knows it, and still he can't help falling for it a little, anxiously waiting for Nicky's input and approval. Kevin loves the script, and Alex is a fantastic co-star, giving so much, bouncing back so easily on what he gives her; he has Madison's seal of approval, she keeps raving about how this movie will be a deal breaker for him. It'd mean the world to Kevin to show the whole family that he made the right choice, leaving _The Manny_ behind to give his career a real chance. To make them proud.

"You look better with grime on your face," Nicky deadpans. Then, he adds: "This looks like the kind of movie I could watch, if only to see you get roughened up a bit."

It's as good as a straight-up compliment Nicky will ever muster, and Kevin can't help grinning. "You'll _have_ to come to the premiere. I can just picture it. You and me, looking dapper in matching tuxes, just leave it to Madison to find us something that'll look good on both of us. People are gonna look at you and think: so _this_ is what Kevin Pearson will look like in a couple decades. They'll picture me as this silver fox thanks to you."

Nicky rolls his eyes, letting out this heavy, amused sigh. "I think I'm _way_ past silver fox territory here," he says. "You've still got a good fifteen years up your sleeve, that is, if running around after two kids doesn't impede your beauty sleep too much. That, or your pretty wife."

Kevin lets out an undignified snort, trying to hide his embarrassment. Nicky never misses an opportunity to tease them about how lovey-dovey they are, which Kevin isn't even remotely sorry for. It just comes so easily with Madison: she's sweet and she's soft, and dotting on her has become second nature, her hand fitting so perfectly in his, the right angle of her head tucked beneath his chin, the smoothness of her hair between his fingers, the suppleness of her body under his touch. There's just something innate about it, loving her, like she found him just in time when he was ready for it. Being with her makes Kevin want to be best version of himself he can be, and at the same time, like what he already is _is_ good enough. Madison doesn't make him feel like he's too clingy or too enthusiastic or too forward; she accepts him as he is, makes him feel like it's okay to make big plans and picture a future together.

"You assume she's gonna say yes, which is, like, the biggest _if_ there is," Kevin says slowly. Not once has he doubted his decision, his desire to ask Madison to marry him, the weight of the ring box always in his pocket safe and comforting, a reminder of just how much he loves her - but Kevin would lie if he didn't admit he's been wondering whether she'd say yes. Kevin's very aware that he doesn't have the most pristine track record when it comes to relationships; that he has a failed marriage under his belt, something that may not weigh in his favor, especially as he now owns his share of responsibility over it. If Madison knew what happened between he and Sophie, what he did and what he didn't, how it was his unreliability and lack of effort that had them falling apart, would she ever contemplate taking this leap of faith with him? He's a lot of things, but is _marriage-material_ one of them?

Nicky grumbles something unintelligible, then turns to look at him. "I _assumed_ that if you were planning on proposing to that girl, you were gonna make sure that she _knew_ how much you loved her first. You know, so she _wouldn't_ have a reason to hesitate or turn you down," Nicky explains like he's talking to someone particularly daft. "So she would know that she is what you want." He crosses his arms over his chest, and Kevin's fingers briefly tense around the steering wheel. It's in moments like this that Kevin is reminded that Nicky _is_ his father's brother, the resemblance striking in the way he looks at him, stern and serious like he's about to call him out on his bullshit, a look that Kevin remembers from Jack whenever he was being lazy or taking too many shortcuts as a kid. His father never let him off the hook, and Nicky looks like he's not about to, either. "It doesn't matter how or when you're gonna ask, but you need to make sure she knows. Because I feel like she could be the best thing to ever happen to you, and I'd have to slap you if you screw that up. And...you deserve to have something good, too."

Kevin makes the most of a red light to turn to Nicky. There's a hint of his natural, dry humor in his voice, but something else, too; just an edge of vulnerability behind the almost _fatherly_ tone. Kevin wonders how much Nicky must have missed it - having someone to look after. From the stories he's managed to get out of him, Nicky and his dad spent their whole lives looking after each other, taking care of each other when no one else did. Losing Jack must have killed him the same way it did Kevin, losing a father and a brother and their purpose all at once. No matter how many times they clashed as Kevin grew up, more so during his teen years, his father always was his north star, the one guiding him; Kevin knows what it feels like to lose the one you look up to the most.

He clasps his uncle's shoulder, gives it a squeeze. "I won't screw it up. I'm not gonna let myself off the hook with Madison, you know?" The light turns green, and Kevin focuses his attention back on the road. "You know, I've done this before. Asking a girl to marry me. But when the road got tough I forgot all about my vows. I forgot to love her and cherish her. I screwed it up with Sophie, big time. I stopped making time to call her, I stopped asking about her day. All I did was complain about how I only got auditions for small, garage-made movies. So when this girl came up to me at a party, started flirting with me and telling me how she'd seen me in this terrible play once and still thought I was the best part of it..."

Kevin gnaws at the inside of his lip. He's got so many regrets, so many things he feels remorse about - but his one great shame is his weakness, how he's never been able to kick a bad habit until he hit rock bottom. Perhaps it's part of what it means to be an addict, how you can never give up on anything because it feels so good when it gets you high, you never know when it'll start to hurt, and Kevin's never known he had hit rock bottom until everything around him came crashing down too. He hadn't known his marriage with Sophie was imploding until _she_ 'd said the words, until she'd said she was done with him. He'd almost convinced himself that they could get over his cheating, that they could make it better, as if Sophie had any responsibility over it. He hadn't let himself be seduced because Sophie wasn't there or wasn't making enough effort; he'd been lazy and selfish and taking her for granted.

He leans his elbow against the side of the car window, his fingers coming up to tangle in his hair as he rests his forehead in his hand. "I was an idiot. I'm not trying to make up excuses for it. I've spent a long, long part of my life being an idiot. And then I screwed it up again, getting myself back in Sophie's life again. Got her to break up with a good guy so we could have a second chance like we _both_ needed it, when, really, _I_ was the one who needed it. What does that say about me, uh?" Kevin shakes his head at himself. "I thought I was still in love with her, but you don't do that to someone you love. You don't mess with their life like that. You don't go back to someone because you want to go back to what or who you _were_ with them, to make yourself better or because they're good for you. This isn't a freaking video game, you can't just go back to where you last saved the game. I think - I _needed_ to be _more_ than the guy who cheated on his wife, the wife he married at eighteen because of serendipity and weird, unrealistic notions of love and life. I _really_ loved her," Kevin insists, turning to Nicky. His uncle's face is unreadable as he takes all this new information in. It's the way Nicky operates; staying still and silent, needing all the context and all the date before he can start processing it. "I know my mom thought our marriage was a joke because we got married so young and it was so impulsive, but I loved Sophie. It wasn't just about teenage hormones or my dad dying, even if that did play a part. But...but sometimes love's not enough. Not when you're hurting the person you say you love. And still I hurt her again. Tried to give her my best but I only showed her the worst. Got up in her face with not one, but _three_ damn rings. Broke her heart at her doorstep, made a complete spectacle of myself. _Who_ does that? What kind of person buys three rings then tells someone the idea of a future with them feels like a _nightmare_?" Kevin pauses, sighing heavily. "I'm not telling you all that so you'll pity me, or -"

"I'm not much into pity parties," Nicky interrupts him. "I'm more of a good smack behind the head type of person."

Kevin tilts his head. He's got to give it to Nicky. " _Or_ slap me," he amends. "I just need someone to know how much I screwed up, because I'm not gonna do this _again_." He shrugs. He's trying to make his peace with his past, and it's been nothing short of overwhelming, draining, painful - and humbling at times, finally owning his past mistakes, trying to make better choices. But for the first time in forever the future seems clear, open; no doubt, no ghosts, nothing keeping him from his purpose. "I know what I want, and that's to be the kind of man Madison deserves. I want this accountability, you know? I want to be accountable to someone other than myself, and not just because of the babies, or because it's what people do. I don't want to marry her because she's pregnant and I want a fairy tale. I don't need a fairy tale, I've got Madison. She's all the magic I need."

Nicky's silent for a minute, half-stunned as he presses his lips together and nods his head a couple times. "Damn, kid," he finally says, voice rough and heavy as he wets his lips. "Here I was, wanting to lecture, and you just have to go big like this."

Kevin's mouth curves up, the slightest twitch at the corner. "So you _were_ giving me advice. You were _willingly_ talking about _feelings_. Wow."

"Don't be a smart ass, shut up, Kevin."

"No, no, I can't." He can't help grinning. Nicky rolls his eyes, and looks out to the window, faking interest in the scenery. Kevin changes his mind and switches lanes. "Tell you what, we're gonna drop by Madison's office for lunch, okay? Tell her how much of a big softie you've become overnight."

"You think this makes you charming, this smart ass attitude, but it _doesn't_."

Kevin chuckles, then fiddles with the Bluetooth button on the console, waiting as it connects and makes the call to Madison's phone. "All these listening skills you've honed, all the advice...don't pretend you're not godfather-material - _hey_ , baby, guess what?" he grins as Madison picks up. "Shooting ended sooner than expected, so Nicky and I were thinking about dropping by?"

"Sure, I can see Nicky wanting to see my office, " Madison's voice comes out of the speaker, sounding amused. "Right now I'm sampling gift bags for Kennedy's bachelorette party, I can't decide if I'm gonna go with pomegranate red or burgundy, you know, for the wedding favors. She's getting all the women from the bridal party a box of personalized jewelry and hair accessories, all gold, so I was thinking of having the gift bags personalized with all their names in gold ink. Problem is, I can't figure out which looks best, gold rush or evergold, and I mean, this is a winter wedding but a fall bachelorette party, so the color palettes have to be different but am I making the right decision, having the wedding favors -"

"You know what," Kevin cuts in, his grin growing wider, "I think _Nicky_ can help you with all this, he's been giving me very good advice." He cuts a glance at his uncle, who's shooting daggers at him. "It'll be good practice for his future godfather duties. Any child of yours will spend weeks _agonizing_ over Valentine's cards and how much glitter is the right amount of glitter, he better prepare for it now."

"Aw, I knew he'd give it a thought," Madison says excitedly, and Kevin can just hear the beam in her voice. "Okay, I'll see you two in a few, then. Oh, can you drop by the smoothie place? I'm craving this - what was it that you got me the other time?" Madison asks. "The one with the berries?"

"Wild berry, zucchini and peas," Kevin supplies. At his side Nicky mouths the words, pretending to gag. "Will do."

Madison thanks him and hangs up, and Nicky groans. "I haven't said yes yet. And I don't know if I _want_ to say yes if being a godfather means I have to make Valentine's cards with a mini-you," he grumbles, in vain. "And I'm _definitely_ not turning into a smoothie lover. You California kids are just doing food wrong."

"Come on, you know you'll love it. And you're not getting any younger, you need to get used to liquid food," Kevin argues just to rile him up. "Besides, you can't say no now, Madison's all excited. You don't want to burst her bubble. Jokes aside, we really hope you're gonna give it a thought," Kevin adds, quieter. "It'd mean a lot to us. You know, we still can't agree on any name, our birth plan is still a blank Word document, but - when Madison and I started talking about godparents, it was the easiest decision. Really, it didn't even feel like we were making a decision, it was just so natural to us."

Nicky shakes his head, his eyebrows rising slightly as he does. He sighs then, and Kevin catches it in his peripheral vision, the way the corner of Nicky's mouth tilts up a little. "You know, you sound just like your dad when he used to make me do things I was too chicken to try."

"And is that such a bad thing?" Kevin asks, softer than he intended. People tend to see so much of Jack in Randall and Kate, it always does something in his chest, a pang and a twist, hearing someone say he's like his father.

Nicky's head jerks a little; he shrugs one shoulder, a dimple in his cheek as he says: "No, I guess it's not."

* * *

Watching Madison at the exhibition store, her arms filled with books that she transfers to him once they start weighing too heavily, Kevin wonders how she manages to keep the house so pristine and tidy. There must be some secret closet he doesn't know about where she stores all the stuff she buys in secret. Perhaps if he opens the closet in the nursery baby clothes will come spilling out and he'll get buried underneath.

"Ooh, look at this one," she calls out to him excitedly, turning the pages to show him the content. "This one has such pretty pictures of the Pavilion for Japanese Art."

Kevin fails to hide his grin. He's currently carrying a _dozen_ books because they _all_ have pretty pictures and fascinating anecdotes. He doesn't mind; Madison could want the entire store that he'd buy it all for her. It's her giddiness that fascinates him - the gleam in her eyes as she talks about art, the way her hands move all over the place as she tries to explain things to him. He can easily imagine all the fun she'd have with his mom if the two of them went to an exhibition together, gushing over the art and finishing each other's sentences as they'd share anecdotes.

Madison catches his grin, and gives him a sheepish smile. "I'm going overboard, aren't I?" she chuckles, tucking a lost curl behind her ear. "I should put some of these back."

Kevin shakes his head. "No, no. It's your birthday, you can get anything you want. I'll just build a new bookshelf back home. Or, like, build an extension, you know, just in case you rob the store again next time we come here. Build you a library like the one in _Beauty and the Beast_."

Madison's cheeks flush as she bumps into his side. "Hey, you can never own _too many_ books." She takes a couple of books from his arms and carries them as she guides them over to the cashier. "Thank you, for bringing me here today, I had such a wonderful time. And I know this isn't exactly your scene."

"What? No, I love art, you know? Paint, texture, movement..." Madison's brow furrows. "I'm just throwing words around. I don't know anything about art, but I love listening to you. I _do_ ," Kevin insists as her cheeks only grow redder. "All this stuff you taught me about Japanese culture and the art and the craftsmanship, I didn't know anything about that. I always thought they just liked having pearls and stones on their swords because it looked pretty. Hell, I'm not even sure I could place Japan on a map. You're a great teacher."

Madison beams. "You know, in ancient Japanese tradition, naming children after precious gemstones was seen as a protection against the malicious spirits."

Kevin rolls his eyes. Ever since he allowed flower names back on their list, Madison's been trying to add the weirdest things, including her latest obsession with precious gemstone baby names. "I hear you, and that's good for them, but we're _not_ naming our daughter Ruby just because they did it on _Peaky Blinders_."

"It's not the reason and you know it," Madison whines. Kevin cocks an eyebrow at her. "Okay, it's not the _only_ reason. But if Ruby Shelby sounds like a movie star, imagine Ruby Pearson," she says excitedly. "Besides, I'm not stuck on Ruby, it could be anything."

"Yeah, no. I've seen your list, and there's no way our daughter is named Opal. That sounds like a stripper's name, and I dated a stripper, you know. Lots of respect and admiration for the job, but not the names. Hi," he greets the cashier as they reach the front of the line with a smile, making double the effort as she smiles at him coyly. " _Sarah_ ," he reads her nametag. "Wow, now _that's_ a beautiful name. Did you know it means _princess_ in Hebrew?" he turns to Madison. "I read that in the baby name book Lisa and Brad got us."

"It's not like Ruby or Opal mean _stripper_ in Sanskrit." She wriggles her finger at him before he can argue. "And I didn't say no to Sarah, it _is_ a beautiful name. It's still on the list. See? Now that's compromise."

The cashier scans their items, smiling to herself. "So how did you like the exhibit?" she asks. "You really seem into the Japanese art."

"Oh, now, how did you figure it out?" Kevin laughs, draping his arm around Madison's neck. "Is it the mountain of books we just dropped on you? I hope they make good bedtime stories for the babies." Madison lets out this amused sigh, then searches through her purse for her wallet. "What are you doing, put your wallet away. It's your birthday, it's my treat."

"Kev," she says his name like he's crazy. "You can't spoil me like that."

"Mads," he speaks her name with the same tone, so fond of her and the way she tries to sound firm but still looks so cute and tiny, it just doesn't work. He's been on the receiving end of her death glare once before, so Kevin knows Madison _can_ be intimidating when she wants - but here, with her pink cheeks and the new roundness of her body, her protruding belly just undermines the whole thing. "Of course I can," he shrugs. "It's a full-time job and I love it." He helps the cashier pack the books, pays for them, then steers them away.

Once they're outside on the parking lot, Kevin opens her door for her and Madison instantly busies herself with looking through the bag, picking one of the books and excitedly flicking through the pages. She spends a good fifteen minutes telling him all about it, some art facts she already told him about earlier but Kevin doesn't mind; it keeps her distracted, long enough that it takes her a while to realize they're not heading home.

Madison looks up and frowns as she cranes her neck to try and read the road signs they just passed, in vain. " _Where_ are we?" she asks him, her features caught between confusion and elation. "Where are we going? What - how many more surprises can you -" She stops herself, biting into her grinning mouth. "You really didn't have to go this big, you know."

She says it with the sweetest voice, that tiny wobble in her chin that Kevin knows so well now, the one that means she's touched and moved and that he did good. He reaches for her hand, squeezes it tight. "I _wanted_ to. It's - sort of a special birthday, isn't it? It's the first we'll celebrate together, and at the same time it's the last one with just the two of us. I wanted..."

Things are moving so fast between them, Kevin doesn't want to miss a thing, nor does he want Madison to think he's not making an effort to romance her, to make her happy; that he's not just taking care of her or dotting on her because she's carrying his children. Going on dates might not be easy between the movie and her state of fatigue, but he doesn't want them to miss on all these couples things everyone else does. He's not planning on replicating all these ideals in the popular romantic movies Madison loves; he can't build her house from scratch in the woods, but this, their relationship, can still be filled with adventures of their own. When Kevin thinks of his own parents he doesn't remember them going on romantic date nights, or doing crazy things for each other - it was all about these meaningful, bonding moments. How they'd _designed_ their relationship that way to stand the test of time. The most rewarding aspect of his mom and dad's relationship was how it was a _partnership_ ; two people coming together and seeing each other as equals, someone to lean on, to rely on for strength. They had all these wonderful memories that brought them closer, and they _kept_ on making new ones, never relying on the past nor taking it for granted. It was in the dozens of ways they had to say _I love you_ : Rebecca making the coffee pot for two if she was the first one up, the two of them talking about their day over dinner, Jack always so generous with his praise and compliments. Kevin has such fond memories of his parents being so connected - asking each other's opinion, about their feelings and thoughts, always encouraging one another, the perfect sounding board. They were both so proud of one another, even when Kevin didn't understand it - until recently he'd never understood how his mom could have stood by Jack the way she did when he relapsed, how she could have found this kind of grace within herself. But that's what his mom does - she sees the best in people, sees the way they try, and Kevin wants that, wants to be this kind of man for Madison, wants to show his gratitude and his pride, learn how to deal with their doubts, practice the sort of self-acceptance they both need.

It's not so much of an effort, really, taking an interest in Madison's interests and hobbies, in her job; watching corny movies with her; making the time to call her at least once a day, even just to leave a voicemail saying he'll see her later. Putting her before himself doesn't feel like a promise he won't be able to keep in the long run, especially not when she gives back just in kind, making her house his home too, a fun, relaxing place to be and come home to after a long day, damn, even just her beautiful smile, how she always asks about his day and remembers what he tells her, asking about it a few days after to check in. In this game of give and take Kevin finds himself wanting to give and give, and show love the way Madison understands it, by being there, more show than tell. He's never wanted to put someone else first this much - never believed he could be what someone else needed, either.

"I wanted to make it special for you," Kevin finishes his thought. "And I had a few little helpers working on this with me, so, really, you can't put all the blame on me."

Madison gives him a beaming smile, her skin this flushed, healthy pink. "You know, you keep spoiling me like this, I'm _really_ going to get used to it. Not just _telling_ you I'm getting used to it. I'm gonna want you all to myself all the time, and I'm gonna throw the receipt in the trash so you can't return me to the store."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Kevin laughs. "Because if that's a threat, then I'm okay with it."

Madison leans into him, stretching her seatbelt across her front to press a kiss to his cheek. "You're the best, you know that?"

Kevin tilts his head, steals a kiss from her lips before focusing back on the road. "Doesn't hurt to hear it again from time to time."

Madison retreats back to her seat, keeping her hand over the nape of his neck, a comforting presence as she runs her thumb delicately, soothingly. There's this dimple to her cheek as she smiles, something warm, like a secret. A couple of times Kevin catches her mouth opening, moving as if she were about to say something, but each time the words die on her tongue.

"No one's ever done something so nice for me," she finally says, the flash of teeth showing as she gnaws at the corner of her bottom lip.

Kevin tilts his head to her; this is what he wants for her, the look of pure joy in her eyes erasing all the doubts. It's not about the grand gestures but being with someone who wants you to be happy, who does their best to make each day a little happier. And that's who he wants to be with her - someone who knows her favorite song and her favorite place to be, how she likes her tea, her fascination for the Japanese arts. He loves that he gets to know all these things about her.

And he wishes she _knows_ he'd happily do this for her again and again.

* * *

Kevin catches the exact moment when Madison starts figuring out where they're heading. There's the way her lips part, then press together; he can almost hear the cogs turning when she catches sight of a road sign, then recognizes her surroundings. But she remains silent, allowing him to keep the surprise until they get there.

She's out of the car before he even turns the engine off. Kevin joins her and can't help watching her as she takes it in, being back here, wide eyes and a giddy smile, just like a child. Madison takes hold of his hand, squeezing tightly. "What - what are we doing here? I haven't been in forever."

Kevin tugs at her hand, leading her forward, to the entrance. "You told me this was your favorite place to be. I wanted to see it, too."

Madison stills, and Kevin stops in his tracks, turning to her. Her eyes have softened, the elation fading just a little - there's something else there now, hesitation, concern. "Are you - are you sure this is a good idea?" she asks him in a soft, worried voice. "We don't have to be here if..." She pauses, looking for her words. "If that makes you uncomfortable, or...I don't know, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me if it's gonna be hard for you to navigate."

Kevin is reminded of that pamphlet Dr. Mason gave them, of Madison asking him how a meeting went; of the podcast he found bookmarked on Madison's laptop, " _How to support your alcoholic partner_." This is who she is: a carer, a giver, a worrier. She's been on his side from day one, even when every instinct should have told her to call it quits. Who agrees to raising children with a recovering addict? Who, beside his own mother, has this kind of grace? _Madison_ does. It's one of the things he loves about her, how fiercely supportive she is when she's decided that someone's worth it.

He strokes up her arm with his free hand, gently grabs at her elbow. She'd drop _anything_ for him, Kevin is certain of it; that's the last thing he wants, a life of limitations because of him. "It's okay, Mads. It really is. We're not going on a wine tasting tour, this is just a _building_. Sure, this is the kind of environments that could..." He shakes his head upon seeing the small frown creasing between Madison's brows. "I've been sober for over a year now. Fifteen months, going on sixteen, to be precise. I'm doing good, and I'm doing good _because_ I have Jack to remind me not to ever drink again, and I have you and our babies and it's all I've ever wanted, you know? There's no...this," he gestures to the winery, " _isn't_ triggering any cravings, and you know why? Because this is your favorite place and I want to see those vineyards you used to run and hide into. I want to picture our kids doing it someday, too. I'm not - secretly dying for a drink whenever someone has a glass of wine at dinner, or going crazy over the scent and smells. It's not..."

He doesn't know how to explain it, the pull towards alcohol when everything's dark and twisted, how it's always been sort of the easy way out. But for once in his life Kevin is at peace with it, knowing that he has a handle on it - that he now understands that it's an addiction that stems from his lowest, weakest moments, insecurities and fears making him at risk to relapse. But between knowing it, going to meetings, having his family supporting him, and building a family and a life with Madison now, it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Madison pulls at their joined hands, guiding them to her belly in a show of support. "We're always gonna be there for you, you know that, right? The three of us. You don't have to face this alone."

"I know." He presses his lips to her brow, smoothing her frown away. "Now, come on. Give me a tour."

He tugs at her hand, stirring them away from the main entrance, following the sign indicating the way to the vineyards. "We can't just go in like that," Madison warns him. "Maybe there's a tour going on, or -"

"We've got the place for us for two hours, I saw to that with your brother."

"You what now? You and Chris talked? You and Chris _agreed_ on something?" Madison asks, her eyes going wide again, more stunned than surprised. "What's going on here, Kev?" She follows him anyway, then starts laughing. "We're not having sex there, I'm warning you now. I'm not ruining sweet, childhood memories just because you can't keep it in your pants."

"You're the one bringing up sex, not me," Kevin grins. It's so easy to rile her up, Madison's cheeks flushing red instantly.

She relaxes the instant they're walking among the vines, and Kevin feels it too, the instant peace that comes from wandering in such a beautiful place. He had no idea her parents owned such a grand, picturesque estate. A place like this one surely garners a lot of attention and clients, tours and visits; their website mentions how it's a boutique, family-owned winery, how they specialize in handcrafted, artisan wines, and organic grapes, offering a variety of red and white wines, including the award-winning syrah Christopher brought to the baby shower. Even though he's never been there before, Kevin can guess the new, more modern elements Christopher added as he took over; there are some rustic elements, olive and oak trees and the pebbled paths, lush landscapes, that must be from their parents' era, but the strolling paths seem new and so carefully crafted and curated, they must have been renovated within the past five years.

"It's crazy how this place hasn't changed one bit," Madison almost whispers, as if the sound of her voice could trouble the stillness. "I mean, it _has_ changed. I've seen the pictures, I know Chris has worked on expanding the grounds, he bought the land by the lake, turned it into this beautiful courtyard with the gardens and the picnic areas. But it's still fundamentally the same."

"How long has it been since you were last here?" Kevin asks her, just as soft. He sees the careful intakes of breaths she takes, how her eyes wander everywhere. She's taking it all in, almost feasting on the sight and scents. It's glaringly obvious that she's missed being here.

"Nine years," Madison replies. She never drops his hand as she goes to the nearest vine, stroking the leaves between her fingers before plucking a single grape and popping it in her mouth. "We celebrated Christopher's thirty-fifth here. Mom and Dad decided to retire and, well, they gave him the winery as a birthday present." She chuckles, shaking her head a little. "It was _always_ supposed to go to him, he'd been working here for years already, but...the extravaganza of it was just unbearable. They had this whole speech prepared, it felt like his graduation party all over again. I'm not begrudging Chris, it's not his fault," Madison amends. "I'm not -"

"You don't have to apologize to anyone," Kevin interrupts her, squeezing her hand. Madison does this thing with her mouth again, parted lips then pressing together, and he tugs at her hand until she's facing him. "You don't. It's normal to feel bitter at being ignored or pushed aside. You haven't been close to your family for a long time, and seeing your parents give so much attention, give the work of their life to your brother, of course it had to hurt."

"You know they never asked me to help hosting an event here?" she goes on, like there's a dam that broke inside her and she can't hold it in any longer. "It's my job, and I'm good at it, like, _really good_. I could have worked here with them, with Chris, if only they'd asked. But they never did." She shrugs. "I don't even think it ever crossed their minds. To them, I'm the one who left, and that's it. They don't even understand why I did. Why I had to."

Kevin can relate to that. After his father's death, the very thought of staying in Pittsburgh had made him sick to his stomach. He understands a thing or two about needing the time and space to heal. "It's their loss," he assures her, which elicits the smallest, prettiest smile from Madison. "They're the ones missing out on how amazing you are."

Madison sighs, her fingers trailing up his neck, cupping his jaw before sliding to the nape of his neck. "You always say all the right things," she says with a smile, tiptoeing as she loops her arm more fully around his neck, anchoring herself to him as she kisses him.

Kevin wraps his arm around her waist, bringing her closer. He can taste the faintest trace of grape on her tongue, kissing her something akin to wine tasting - the heady rush building and peaking, then slowly ebbing, the light-headed, flush feeling as her tongue strokes along his bottom lip, the giddy afterglow, her bubbly laughter against his mouth. All his senses are wrapped up into her, a handful of her as his fingers span across the small of her back, a mouthful of those little sighs she lets out, the sight of the healthy glow on her flushed skin. He's drunk on her, the sweetest high in the world.

Madison rubs her nose against his, then lowers back from her tiptoes, touching the ground. Kevin can't let go of her, keeps his arm wrapped around her. She bites into her grinning mouth, looking at him from under her lashes. "How did I get so lucky with you?" she says more than asks.

Kevin laughs, can't help it, all big smile and teeth showing. " _I'm_ the lucky one," he argues. He frees his hand from hers, runs his fingers up her arm, slides them in her smooth hair; his gaze falls to her kiss-swollen lips.

Madison rolls her eyes. "Oh, no, come on now. We can't be _that_ couple. The _I love you/no, I love you more_ , sort of couple. Nobody likes that couple."

"Then let's agree I'm the one who got lucky when I knocked on my sister's front door and you're the one who opened."

Madison bumps him with her elbow. " _Not_ having sex in the great outdoors, stop being so smooth," she reminds him. "Now, come on, I'll show you my favorite hiding spot."

He follows her as she guides him, telling him about the best grapes and everything she knows about winemaking, wine tasting sounding like foreplay in her mouth as she explains how it's all about the sight and smell and taste, a delicate ritual, a sensual exploration when she tells him how she likes her wine smooth and large. "You can't say things like that to me and expect me not to want you," Kevin groans.

She laughs her bubbly laugh, rich and loud. Then she stops in her tracks at the end of an alley. "Right there," Madison tells him. "I used to just crouch here and admire the view." She waves her hand at the scenery before them. "Back then it was just fields for miles on end."

Kevin tries to picture her, pigtails and dungarees, blonde, wispy hair flying around as she'd run amongst the vines, Christopher counting out loud. He crouches then, trying to see things the way she did then. "This...this is a _terrible_ hiding spot," he can't help commenting. Right there, at the end of the alley, her siblings could have found her _so_ easily.

"I know, right?" Madison chuckles. "But you know how kids are, and how they think that by covering their eyes with their hands they become invisible? But Chris always pretended that I'd found such a great hiding spot, that it had taken him ages to find me, and...I don't know," she shrugs, smiling, "I never thought about how ridiculous it must have been for him, pretending not to see me when I was hiding in plain sight, right under his nose all along."

Kevin looks up at her, then. From his crouching position he sees her the way a younger Madison must have looked upon her big brother, but mostly he can't keep the visual at bay, how it would look like, lowering his knee to the ground and pulling out the box he's been keeping in his pocket for days now. This - this _could_ be the perfect place, a place where she has so many good memories, where she still feels at home despite everything that went down with her family.

It's not _theirs_ , though.

Her words keep ringing in his ears. _Hiding in plain sight_. _Right under his nose_. It's their story. He stares at her a moment too long, and Madison's brow furrows in confusion. She tilts her head adorably, and this time it's Kevin whose lips part and open, no sound coming out. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts and stands, reaching for her hand. "There's another reason why I wanted us to come here today," he confesses. He can't help staring at her hand in his, imagining how the ring he chose for her will fit on her finger, the color of the stone against her pale skin.

"Another surprise?" Madison asks with wide eyes.

Kevin nods, then bites into his lip. It's a risky gamble; he's not one hundred percent sure that Madison will agree to this, but he _had_ to try. "Listen, you don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought...okay, so, you're just so, _so_ beautiful, Madison, and I know that it's not easy every day, this pregnancy, but...I was talking to Kate and she said, she told me this one thing that stuck, you know, how she'd spent so much of her pregnancy being afraid she'd lose the baby, and then Jack was born so early, that she didn't get to enjoy it all like she wanted. And that one of the things she regretted not doing was -" He's rambling and he can hear it, and it shows on Madison's confused features.

He takes a minute to just _look_ at her, take her all in: the way her dress stretches over her belly, how her eyes turn the bluest in the sun, the contrast between her fair skin and his tanned one. She's so precious to him, so delicate, and he might not know anything about art but to him she's a masterpiece, a collection of perfect shades mixed together, the cobalt of her eyes turning to azure in the light, the small specks of tangerine on the floral pattern of her white dress, the honey hue of her golden locks. To him she's never looked more beautiful, and he tells her so. "I know you don't always feel like it, but you just _glow_ , Mads. You do. You've never looked more gorgeous, and I think it'd be nice to immortalize that, you know? Pictures to remember this time of your life, of our lives, after the babies are born. I know I'll feel a bit of nostalgia, and maybe you will, too. So...I thought we could have someone take some pictures, and this is your favorite place and it's so beautiful here, so...I got Keri Fitzgerald to find some time for us in her schedule and she should be here any minute now so you have, like, three minutes to be mad at me for ambushing you like this, then get on board?" he tries with a smile and his hands up in the air in surrender.

Madison blinks at him, once, twice, very slowly. "You - you got us a photo shoot with Keri Fitzgerald? _The_ Keri Fitzgerald?" She shakes her head, looking around like she's looking for a hidden camera or something. "She's booked _months_ in advance. Lisa had one of her clients who asked her to book her _before_ she even got pregnant, while they were still trying to conceive. How - how did you? When did you even talk to Lisa about this? How -?"

She's agitated, all nervous, but still not looking like she's going to say no, or panic. She looks happy and excited, the nervous energy running through her slowly making room for delight. "You really think I've never looked more beautiful?" she asks softly.

Kevin cups her cheek, running his thumb over the roundness of it as she smiles. "Yeah."

Madison nods her head slowly, biting into her lip. "How did you manage this? You've known my brother for less than a week, how did you get him to book the place for us? How did you get her to find a spot for us?"

Kevin gives her a slow grin. "I'm a movie star, you know. It comes with its privileges."

Madison rolls her eyes, grinning, her eyes watering. "She's a _Manny_ fan, isn't she?" He nods his head. "Of course she is."

She kisses him then, teary and bubbly, and Kevin knows he's done the right thing. He watches her as she starts smoothing the fabric of her dress, her fingers sifting in her hair, giggling nervously, and he runs his thumbs under her eyes to wipe the traces of mascara that ran off.

Madison beams at him with her watery smile. "I love you so much," she tells him, and Kevin feels his heart beating so fast, knocking against his ribcage.

He loves her so much too, can't wait to show her just how.

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +100 points to whoever finds my favorite quote in this one!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's two worlds she's never imagined colliding that are now merging together - the brother she hasn't been close to in over fifteen years, and the man she still doesn't know how to call, no word or title close enough to their reality, that of a man who's more than just another boyfriend, who's turning her life upside down in the smallest and biggest ways. He's the one making her believe and trust in love again, the one giving her a reason, a baby, two, turning her into a mother. 
> 
> There's no word for that thread of hope, those glowing embers sparking within - from his presence, his support, his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's give Kevison the send-off they deserve to end this goddamn year and launch into the next one!
> 
> for further enjoyment, I highly recommend listening to Gabrielle Aplin's 'Home' while reading this, or Jill Andrews' cover of 'Total eclipse of the heart.' I had those on repeat the past few days and they suit this chapter just fine.

Christopher walks with his hands linked behind his back, little boy and old man all at once, like he's always done. Madison remembers him standing just like this as he'd drop them at school, watching her and her sister go their separate way and joining their friends. While Lauren never looked back, too busy chatting up with her friends, Madison always did; Christopher would wave at her then and stay there until the bell rang and she had to go inside. It's a visual that always brought comfort to her, the idea that no matter how her day would go, it _would_ start and end with Christopher there, still and solid.

He's walking with Kevin now, telling him about the works he's had done around the lake, the gardens and the picnic areas. Kevin's listening attentively, and Madison can't help watching them. It's beautiful out here and she's only ever seen pictures of it, heard stories over dinner at her parents', but now it's the visual of her brother and Kevin together that she seems fixated upon. It's two worlds she's never imagined colliding that are now merging together - the brother she hasn't been close to in over fifteen years, and the man she still doesn't know how to call, no word or title close enough to their reality, that of a man who's more than just another boyfriend, who's turning her life upside down in the smallest and biggest ways. He's the one making her believe and trust in love again, the one giving her a reason, a baby, _two_ , turning her into a mother. There's no word for that thread of hope, those glowing embers sparking within - from his presence, his support, his love.

"How did your parents get into the winemaking business, anyway?" she hears Kevin ask her brother. "A place like this is the work of a lifetime."

"It's a family tradition, on Mom's side. Goes back to three generations. Well, four now, with me."

"Oh, so your grandparents owned this place before?"

Christopher shakes his head. "Oh, no. Mom and Dad built this from scratch. All their savings went into this." He pauses, looks over at Madison. They grew up listening to their mother rant about her own parents, how everything she had, she had built herself - and how all the hard work she and their dad were pulling was about building a legacy, an empire of sorts, for the three of them. "Our mother comes from a long line of sons, she was the first daughter in six generations, and an only child. She basically grew up in our grandparents' vineyards, learned everything there was to know. But our grandfather..." Christopher shrugs. Madison sees the old indignation flare up in his eyes, but it's come and gone in a second. Her brother's never been one to linger on the past, anyway. "He was old-fashioned, and he couldn't imagine handing the work of his life down to a woman. He was the sort of man who believed women needed a man to handle things. So he was very happy when Mom fell in love with this boy who'd started working for him. He was already picturing them getting married and taking over the business, keeping it in the family, Dad as the owner, Mom as..."

"The pretty lady at the front desk," Madison adds in his stead. As annoyed and angry as she is by the very idea, a small grin tugs at her lips. Imagining her mother as anything but the leading lady in her own story sounds _surreal_. She can't believe her grandfather believed otherwise.

Kevin takes turns looking at the two of them and their mirrored frowns. "But I guess that _didn't_ happen?"

"No," Christopher says. "Mom and Grandpa got into a huge fight about how he was a chauvinistic, stubborn idiot, and how she'd rather build something from scratch than just being someone's wife. So she and Dad left. Sometimes I think Dad would have followed her anywhere. They started working in other estates for a few years to hone their craft. Mom's the head and he's the heart, so when they decided to do this for real, Mom's the one who got the loan from the bank, wrote the business plan, planned how they'd expand the business in five, ten, twenty years. And Dad took care of the actual winemaking. He was - sort of a wizard, you know?" Christopher says, pride obvious in his tone. "Remember that thing he used to do, Maddie?" he turns to her. "When he'd take us to the tanks and let us add all kinds of weird stuff?"

Madison laughs. She remembers it all too well, her father carrying her and sitting her on top of his shoulders, letting her sprinkle sugar and spice, anything she wanted into the tanks after the primary fermentation. "He'd call it witch wine," she says fondly. Kevin gives her this fond, warm look, his eyebrow rising slightly out of curiosity, and Madison finds herself telling the story like she would with a child. "He would never let us alter one of his projects, of course, so he'd keep this smaller tank for us, just so we would have fun, act like we were brewing potions. It wasn't easy for them, keeping Lauren and I busy when they took us with them over at the winery, so Dad started this _witching hour_. That's how he called it. If Lauren and I were nice, he'd let us play around and suggest things. And then Mom would _always_ pretend it tasted delicious, even that one time Lauren added _paprika_."

Kevin grimaces, and Christopher nods his head vigorously. "Oh, I remember that one. I was seventeen, and Mom told me that if I ever got home drunk, she'd have me drink the entire bottle as punishment. She usually managed to turn anything the girls made into mulled wine at Christmas, but that one batch was just _nasty_." He chuckles, smiling to himself at the memory. "Remember that time you and Laurie decided to play witching hour with Mom's perfumes? They emptied half a dozen of bottles," he says conspiratorially, turning to Kevin. "Dad couldn't find the strength to scold them, so he ended up going to the store and getting Mom new ones."

"But Mom noticed that all the bottles were full and that something must have happened," Madison adds. "So she cornered us at dinner, asking what had happened, but Dad held on tight, he never said anything."

Madison gnaws at the inside of her lip. Her stories make her mother sound like she was stern, too much so, and while it's true that she was more strict than her father, she was also doing her best to make up for her husband's inability to chastise or scold them. Her mother _had_ to be the firm one, the strong one, the one who never backed down from any challenge - even with the winery, her mother was always the one making the tough decisions, the tough calls. That's how their partnership worked, Madison can see it now, even if she resented her mother for it for so many years; still does, Madison can't pretend time has fully healed that particular wound.

"But then she made this - pretend make-up kit for us, with sparkly foam sheets and an old, empty make-up palette. And she let us keep her empty perfumes bottles and she gave us her old lipsticks so we could play with them." Madison pauses, feels the smile tugging at her lips, the tiny wobbling, too. "I haven't thought about that in years."

She truly hasn't. Somehow, Madison's blocked most memories - sometimes she feels like it's almost amnesia, not just a few blank pages but entire chapters erased. There's the life she led with her family in Santa Monica, and there's the life she's built for herself after leaving - parallel lines, close but never crossing, never connecting. There are the perfunctory, cursory dinners at her parents' for official occasions, birthdays and Thanksgiving and Christmas, a few meals and forced conversations scattered through the year like clockwork, painful reminders of a long-forgotten closeness; other than that, her family doesn't get involved in her life, her career, or her relationships. She's never introduced them to a boyfriend - they've heard stories in passing, Madison gushing over a cute guy, hoping he'd be the one, but Madison's never brought anyone home, partly because her parents' house _isn't_ home, but also because no one's ever really stuck around long enough.

Kevin's the first, in a long line of firsts.

He reaches for her hand, easy as breathing, an amused grin playing at the corner of his lips. "So what you're telling me is that our kids will empty all my anti-aging creams for funsies." Kevin chuckles, running his thumb over her knuckles. The way he says _our kids_ as if it were the most natural thing still takes her breath away - just as his easy way of making her smile and forget about her worries does. With the merest, softest brush of his thumb over her skin he soothes her, makes this bittersweet taste in her mouth melt like lemon drops. Kevin does it instinctively, without conscious thought - he simply holds her hand, brings her back to the present and the future they're building together. "Any other shenanigans I should be looking out for?" he asks, the sound of his laughter warming her up. "Who knew _you_ would be the one passing on the mischievous gene to our kids."

Kevin squeezes her hand, giving her that slow, private smile of his, something warm and inviting. The very same smile he gave her that afternoon at Kate's, the one that got her to let her guard down, same as he did. It makes her want to tell him all about growing up here, so many fond memories resurfacing: making her first flower crowns out of vine leaves; running around with Lauren, stealing ripe grapes and stuffing their mouths with them, juice stains all over their clothes; driving the forklift, sitting on her father's lap. Back then it felt like a privilege despite all the tremendous hard work - helping her father plant new seeds, watching the vines blossom and grow, getting taller than her, her mother letting her make some handwritten labels for special vintages, making her feel all grown-up and important. This place did teach her invaluable lessons about the benefits of hard work, responsibility and the pride and joys of your accomplishments, earning her allowance by working with her parents during the summer, learning the trade and craft from them, tasting that first light, tangy sip of wine from a vintage of the year she was born on her eighteenth birthday, a barbecue party at the vineyards, string lights hanging in the olive trees, the last happy event she remembers with her family.

Madison wonders if her mother realizes it - how she was mad at her own father for pushing her aside, when she's done the same with her own daughters. How she's groomed Christopher to be the one to take over from the start, perhaps not influencing his choice towards a major in business, but clearly paving his way back home to the family business after he graduated. Lauren never had an interest in the winery, but Madison loved it here, and it _would_ have made sense to have her work here too - Christopher taking care of the sales while she organized and hosted events. It could have worked; and even if it wasn't Madison's greatest ambition, even if she'd decided to spread her wings and make her own fresh start someday, they could have worked side by side for a while, brother and sister, partners. Everything would have been different, then.

Madison shakes her head to herself. She remembers a line from the podcast she fell asleep to the night before, Kevin's fingers carding though her hair while he stroked her scalp. Kevin laughed at the title, _The Power of Letting Go_ , and started humming Elsa's song from _Frozen_ ; then he made a few appreciative noises every now and then, made some comments, agreeing. It made Madison stop and think about how much of her life has been about mourning for all the things that didn't happen, all the things she didn't become. Not being a part of a family anymore, not being the daughter her parents expected or hoped for, never belonging anywhere, always being the one who gets dumped and left behind - forever organizing and hosting other people's happy events, standing still, frozen, while everybody else moves on with their lives, never making peace with her own unlived life. It all feels like such a waste of time now, Madison reckons, looking at her life through that distorting lens - wasted opportunities, missed chances, heartbreaks. Who cares about the guys who dumped her when Kevin is here, when he loves her, can see a life with her? Who cares about the _could have beens_ when there is so much to build, a whole future with him and their babies? Perhaps everything that didn't go according to plan came and went for that very reason, because it wasn't meant to be, wasn't meant for her; not until that afternoon when the stars aligned, when Kevin stopped being this guy in her periphery, another element in the scenery, and became a real, fleshed-out person, words coming out of his mouth that sounded so real, just right, his experience mirroring hers in a way she could have never imagined.

It's about time she really does start practicing letting go of everything else that's not essential for the two, the four of them.

Never of Kevin's hand, though, not when he holds hers confidently, naturally, as if he'd always been meant to.

* * *

"So _this_ is what our life will be like in a few months," Kevin comments with a soft smile as he drapes his arm over the back of the couch, his fingers toying with the ends of her hair. "I think we're doing just fine."

At his feet, Audio is curled up in a ball, the traitor, after _she_ spent the afternoon playing with him. Madison looks down at Jack, who's sleeping at last in her arms, soft snores and his tiny fingers clenching around her shirt. It's a lot less comfortable than it was a couple of months ago, holding him like this with her growing bump getting in the way, but Jack was so fussy earlier, his teeth hurting him, red cheeks and almost feverish, Madison didn't have the heart to put him down in his crib. Besides, there's just something precious about his baby scent, still so overwhelming to her, that soothes her. "You literally just got here," Madison chuckles softly, cocking an amused eyebrow at Kevin. "You didn't hear him scream at the top of his lungs for twenty minutes until the medicine kicked in. Which reminds me, we'll need to store up on medicine. Kate said that sometimes, just telling Jack she understands that he's hurting and that she'll get him his syrup is enough to calm him down."

Kevin grazes his knuckles against Jack's still reddish cheek. "I guess it didn't work this time? Poor little guy, he looks so worn out." He looks up at her, brushes his fingers against her cheek this time. "So do you. I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier to help."

"It's okay," Madison reassures him. "It was nice, having Jack all to myself for a while. And it was good practice." She starts telling him about their afternoon. "We went on a walk with Gregory and he took a nap in his stroller, which he totally needed, he'd been fussy since Kate and Toby left. He never spent so long just with me, I think he was a bit upset at first, but then after his nap he didn't call out for them so I guess he understood it was just me and him?" Madison rambles. "Then we played for a while with his little waterpark play table, you know the one? The one with those little characters that squirt water and the balls that can be dropped down the spiral and the spinning wheel?" she keeps moving her hands around, trying to explain, and Kevin looks adorably confused. "He loves it, and I mean, it's a great toy to build fine motor skills, and it was _so_ hot this afternoon anyway, it was nice to have some _splish_ , _splashing_ fun, even though he _did_ splash all the water on me and my blouse was soaked, you could just see through the whole thing."

Kevin licks his lips, wolf-like, as his eyes drop from her mouth to the front of her blouse. "Now, come on, tell me more about that soaked blouse and why you _didn't_ think of sending me a picture," he teases her, now tracing the dip of her cleavage with the tip of his finger.

Madison's cheeks flush furiously red, even redder than Jack's. " _Kevin_ ," she hisses his name in a warning.

"Aw, come on, he's snoring," Kevin chuckles, but still lowers his voice for good measure, all gravel now. "We can tuck him into bed, then skip dinner. Well, no, not entirely, of course, I'll feed you at some point, really, but -" He shakes his head, then leans down, touching his forehead to hers. "This is proper parenting, right? Making-out while the baby sleeps?"

Madison can't help giggling, tilting her head to the side as Kevin dips his face and his mouth finds the corner of hers. "Do couples _really_ have sex after having a baby, though? Isn't that just some urban legend so people keep on having children to avoid the country steadily depopulating?"

"Depopulating?" Kevin echoes, grinning against her mouth as he kisses her at last, a series of soft pecks, barely-there kisses, then teasing her bottom lip between his teeth. "We're having twins, I suppose we deserve _twice_ the amount of sexy times other parents get. I don't make the rules."

"Mmh-uh," Madison moans against his mouth. He nibbles at her bottom lip, soothes the hurt with the tip of his tongue, the damn tease. Then Kevin starts trailing a path of lazy kisses to her jaw, the underside of her neck, and she's holding their godson in her arms, she can't just drop him to loop her arms around Kevin. He needs to be stopped. "You always make your own rules, you're _Kevin Pearson_." Madison pulls away from him, not without difficulty because it's honest to God the last thing she wants to do, then leans her head against his shoulder, nuzzling the crook of his neck. "Do you mind if I just keep holding him for a bit, though?" she asks softly. "He's so peaceful now, this feels so nice. Like I at least achieved that."

"Of course not," Kevin says, just as soft, as he wraps his arm more fully around her, bringing her closer. "That kid is cute. Hell, he's gorgeous. He totally gets it from me. Can you imagine how gorgeous _our_ kids will be? So much power in such tiny people, I'm not sure they'll ever be ready for that kind of responsibility."

Madison rolls her eyes. Kevin gets so cocky sometimes, Hollywood hotshot personified, and truly, she can't blame him. The man exudes sheer hotness from every pore of his skin, and the insane workout sessions he undergoes have sculpted muscles from marble. But beyond the athletic, chiseled body, it's everything _else_ about him that's gorgeous: the laughter in his eyes, his kindness and his patience, the reassuring cheerfulness he brings. Madison knows it's not always sunny inside his mind, knows how he worries, his fears, the quiet rage that lays beneath sometimes. How insecure he can be, about _everything_. So she'll let it slide. When Kevin brags about their collective good looks and great DNA, he's not worrying about passing on other things to their children; and when he's not worrying, well, it's true that he's so painfully handsome, perhaps he shouldn't be allowed to have so much power.

"You're ridiculous," Madison coos, when _you're adorable_ is what she means. Kevin seems to sense it as he tilts his face down and gives her a look that is so fond and smug at the same time, like he's daring her to protest or contradict him. "Can you, though?" she asks him. "Picture them, I mean. I keep trying, but it's hard not to imagine them as anything else but mini versions of you."

Talking about names, Kevin building the nursery, washing and folding baby clothes - it's just made it even more real, the concept that they _are_ having babies, that they _made_ two new humans. Still; picturing what their children would look like, how both their features would mix and mesh together, if the twins will favor his friendly, lopsided smile, or the way she wrinkles her nose, sort of feels out of reach. There's a tangibility to it that she doesn't feel yet, can't allow herself to give into - not until she's holding them in her arms, can touch and feel and smell them, and know for sure that they're safe and healthy.

"Funny you should say that, because I keep picturing them with your eyes and your smile, even with that tiny chin wobble thing you do?" Kevin says. He strokes the dimple in her chin, a small smile tugging at his lips. "I just know that whenever they'll look at me the way you do when your chin or your mouth wobbles like this, I'll be a goner." He pauses, his smile turning wistful for a minute, before he lights up again. "You know, when we were young, our dad always went the extra mile for us, the three of us, really, but he had this special attention with Kate? Sometimes he'd just look at her and...she just looked _so much_ like our mom in moments like these, when she was pouting or sad. I don't know if Kate sees it, how much she looks like Mom. How Dad couldn't stand it, seeing his baby girl like that." Kevin shrugs. It jostles Madison's head a bit, but she can't stop staring up at him, no matter how it stretches her neck. There's this extra tenderness in his mouth when he talks about his mother and sister, Madison just knows their daughter will have him wrapped around her little finger as soon as he first lays his eyes on her. "You could just _see_ that he'd do anything for her. Anything to make her feel loved and special, you know? I never truly understood that, not until -"

His fingers move, gently tracing the shape of her lips, her jaw. Madison sucks in her breath. When Kevin talks like that, open-hearted and candid and earnest, she feels like she's known him forever, and not for a mere few months. Aside from Kate, Madison's never been close to anyone like this; she can feel Kevin's heartbeat, steady and soothing, how completely at peace he feels when he speaks, and she knows that because she knows him, knows him when he's stressed or afraid, the way his lips press in worry, how his eyes widen when he's surprised or happy. She knows him.

Every relationship she's had before, she's watched fade and die. Boyfriends never last, it's the rule, not the exception. But friends have come and gone too, not in this _unfriend_ and _block_ kind of situation, simply watching as people would move on and have a life she'd be outside of, smiling next to people she's never met on pictures. It was always this unspoken thing, like all of a sudden they'd stop texting or Madison would stop answering because she felt like they were worlds apart, and all there would be left was heart shapes and thumbs up on Instagram posts, girl meets boy, parties and engagements and babies, a whole future no man ever seemed to picture with her. Not until Kevin.

"Not until you," Kevin finishes his sentence with that perfect, almost sheepish smile that makes Madison melt like butter on a hot toast.

Madison straightens, switching Jack from her hold of him in her arms to her chest, his face falling easily in the crook of her neck as he keeps snoring, deep in slumber. Kevin's hand falls automatically to her knee, and he pulls her legs over his lap, wrapping his arm around her knees to anchor her close. It's impossible _not_ to melt when Kevin's like this, this perfect kind of smothering, wrapping her up into him. "You really know how to smooth-talk the ladies," she tells him, grinning.

Kevin shakes his head. "I don't, I really don't. It's you. You bring that out of me."

"Yeah?" He nods, rubs his nose against hers. God, he's _so_ affectionate tonight, an overgrown puppy. "What's gotten into you, Mr. Koala Bear?"

Kevin lets out this low chuckle, giving her a bop on the nose. "Just - seeing you like this, Jack in your arms, this sweet mama look you got going on. Knowing this is our future, coming home to you and our babies and..." He scratches at his neck, this nervous energy running through him all of a sudden. "You know, when I was younger, _dumber_ , really," he lets out a laugh, "I sort of saw domesticity as this _dull_ thing. Like real life was meant to be lived _outside_. Getting auditions, fame and celebrity, seeing myself on TV. I never had this - I don't know, this _longing_ for this, coming home to someone. It was nice, don't get me wrong, but it always felt like all the great adventures were happening during the day and at night, talking about it on the couch, was just this place and this moment when you talked about it, and that's it." His eyes roam from her to Jack to her bump, and he rubs his hand across her belly as best as he can without waking the toddler, squeezing tight at her hip. "I never thought the biggest adventure could be this. Building a home. I kept wishing for more excitement to arrive but what's more than this? What's better than this? And I know we haven't really talked about it, I know, but, uh..."

Madison grabs his wrist as he lifts his hand to scratch at his temple again. "Hey, why are you so nervous? It's just me."

" _Just_ _you_ ," Kevin echoes with a chuckle. He covers her hand with his, holds onto her. "You're my _home_ , Madison. You and our babies. And maybe I wasn't ready for this before, but I am now. I don't want a few months with you just to take care of the babies. I want every day with you."

Madison closes her lids, her lips pressing together against the onslaught of emotions. "Kev..."

"No, no, listen, please?" he begs. There's a slight catch to his voice, like a skip in his breathing. He sounds _torn_ , like he knows that what he's about to say could break the dam and unleash the tears. And yet he says it anyway. "I know this isn't the plan, but screw the plan, all right? I love you, and you love me, so why keep pretending that this - you and me - has some expiration date when it _doesn't_? What's the point in me keeping an apartment I don't want to go back to?" He puts a finger beneath her chin, tips it up so she's looking at him. Madison knows her eyes are filling with tears, but Kevin's smile only grows wider. She's answering his question even before he's asked it. "Do you want me to?"

Madison presses her fist to her mouth, gnawing at her thumbnail. Kevin's fingers move to cup her jaw, slide in her hair. His face is so close to hers, he can almost inhale her answer. "Of course not. You know that." She focuses on the warmth in his brown eyes, the slight flicker of surprise and joy mixed together. "You know that, right? I love you too. This hasn't been about...I don't know, co-parenting or figuring this out, for a long while, you know that?"

Kevin nods his head. "And I've never felt more at home than with you," he admits just as softly. "I don't care where I live or where I go, as long as it's with you. And I'm pretty proud of the nursery, and I've gotten used to those flowery sheets you love, I love your house. Maybe it can be ours for real. I just want to be where you are. And...I've been thinking, and I think after this movie I'll just - put a hold on my career for a while, you know? Stay home and take care of the twins. I don't want to miss a thing with you and with them."

"Kevin, that's - that's huge," Madison almost stutters. He can't tell her things like this - prioritize her like it's so easy, like it's not even a decision he has made, but a persistent thought that took root in his brain until it bloomed. "But...this movie is gonna change your life, I can just feel it. I don't want you to have any regrets. This is gonna make your career, you should embrace it. I know we can find a way to work it out."

He shrugs and gives her a smile, so boyish and adorable, Madison has a clear view of teenage Kevin, the heartbreaker, and of their son someday, collecting hearts with that million bucks grin. "Maybe, maybe not. But this isn't just my life anymore, it's _our_ life. And if this works out, then I get to be a bit of a diva, choose my next project more carefully, pick something that doesn't keep me away for too long. I can't imagine not coming home to you every day. I don't want to imagine that. And...I know you've been thinking of starting your own company, and I know Steven's talked to you about planning an event for the press tour, and...maybe that's it? Maybe this can be a new beginning for us. I just feel like - there's nothing we can't achieve if we put our minds to it. As long as we're together, we can move mountains."

Madison kisses him then, sloppy, messy, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. She's laughing, teary and beaming. "You and your speeches. You had me at - total Jerry Maguire speech, really, I keep forgetting you were a teen in the nineties, you must have scored so many girls with lines like this."

"Doesn't matter how many, as long as it's the one," Kevin says, delivering the line like a pro, so smooth and perfect Madison can hear herself _coo_ over him.

She cups her hand around his neck, runs her thumb over his pulse point. It's slightly more erratic, but still so steady, like he's certain about this. She is, too. "I don't know what the future holds for us any more than you do, but I know this: I can't picture it without you, either." Madison moves her hand to his cheek, feels the scruff under her fingertips, shudders at the thought of it grazing her skin. She brushes her thumb over his lips, the tiny crow's feet around his eyes. She wants to catalog every single detail about this moment, the way Kevin looks when he's _giddy_ happy, the gleam in his eyes, how her own heartbeat is syncing with his. Even the weight of Jack against her chest is comforting, despite the very obvious obstacle he's putting between her and having Kevin the way she wants. "Kiss me," she almost begs, her voice low and hoarse. Then, she licks her lips: "Please."

He does, so achingly tender Madison almost wants to bite him, dig her teeth in his bottom lip. Kevin pulls away for an instant and she bares her teeth, all but moaning at the loss, and Kevin _growls_. He dives back in with some renewed urgency, raking his hand through her hair and getting a good handful of it to pull her closer. His lips trail kisses up to her ear, suckling her earlobe. "How about tucking Jack into bed now, uh?" he murmurs, his voice sending heat coiling low in her belly.

Madison nods her head, her hair going awry from his mussing. "Yeah, sure, all right," she says, then turns his wrist to look at the time on his watch. "You - you get a coupon for a good, twenty minutes-long make-out session until Kate's show starts. I'm - we're _not_ missing a minute from it."

Kevin's fingers toy with the top button of her blouse, unsnapping it easily. The popping sound it makes reverberates in the minute space between them, above Madison's rapid heartbeat. "Or, you know, we could just play it as background music. It'll be our own little make-out playlist. Wait, no, I'm hearing myself," he adds hastily as her eyes widen. "Making-out while listening to my twin sister sing? Creepy beyond creepy. Go. Sleepy time, _then_ sexy time, _then_ fan club time."

Madison shakes her head to herself as she extracts herself from his hold, carrying Jack to his bedroom. It does tug at her heart, putting Jack down for the night, so she takes an extra minute to look at him sleep and brush her hand in his soft hair. "Your Uncle Kev and I are just a room away, all right? We're here for you if you call out, even if Uncle Kev will whine about the interruption. He won't mean it."

She presses a kiss to Jack's cheek, completely aware that she's doing it more for herself than for him. Jack is sound asleep, and only bad karma would have him screaming at the top of his lungs again during the next twenty minutes. Madison laughs to herself as she exits his bedroom, thinking of how Kevin must already be half-undressed, his shirt hanging over a lamp or something. She bites into her lip, coy and excited all at once, as her own fingers come up to her chest and unsnap the second button of her blouse. The flouncy fabric hangs off, revealing more than just the slightest hint of tantalizing skin. She knows Kevin will appreciate it.

"Hey, hotshot, ready -"

Madison freezes in her tracks. Instead of finding Kevin ready to pounce on her, she has to look below to find him - one knee lowered to the floor, as he's holding out a deep blue velvet box. She doesn't know how to decipher the warm pool of his eyes, with the way he's looking up at her.

Madison's heart clenches painfully. She doesn't know how to control the instant clench and release that cages her heart and her throat and her stomach at the sight of Kevin down on one knee. "What - Kevin? What are you doing?" Her voice isn't her own anymore, nothing but a frail, thin reedy thing, she's shaking. Her teeth are audibly clashing. If this was a medical drama, all the machines would go off with dramatic beeping sounds, her electrocardiogram going crazy with abnormal spikes. Madison feels like she's flat-lining, her brain unable to form a coherent thought. Here is Kevin, down on one knee. She can't even focus her gaze enough to see the ring, her vision is blurring. Maybe it's the tears, maybe she's going into shock.

Kevin's chuckle is such a sharp contrast to her own state of shock. "What - what does it _look_ like I'm doing?" he grins, bigger than she's ever seen before. "This - this isn't how I'd planned on doing this. I had this big, romantic plan, I swear, I've been racking my brain over this for days, but..." He shrugs one shoulder, smiling up at her so big, he looks like it'd hurt him not to. "I don't want to wait a moment more. When you know, you _know_. And I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

" _Kevin_..."

"I know, there should be tons of flowers, and I should have brought you somewhere special, but this - this is special for us, isn't it?" He looks around, and Madison follows his gaze, where it falls on the table near the kitchen, her empty tea mug still there, then the couch, the sleeping form of Audio who's still curled up where he first cuddled up to Kevin, oblivious to the earthquake that's happening. "This is where we started. This is where you took down my walls, and I hope I helped with yours, too. This is where you told me you were pregnant and changed my life. This is where I fell in love with you even before realizing it." He presses his lips together, tilts his head to the side. "I know this is a lot, and that our story is nothing like your typical love story, but I love you and I love _us_ and..."

Madison tries to prepare herself for his next words, tries to say them in her head before he does. She's _dreaming_ , this can't be happening. But Kevin's mouth works again, his lips moving, and he's wearing his heart on his sleeve and she _can't_ breathe.

"I love you, Madison. And I could list a dozen reasons, or tell you about the moment that I knew I was in love with you, but someone very wise told me that if I wanted you to know how much I loved you, I should probably show it. Prove it to you." He takes the ring from the box with such delicate fingers, Madison's mesmerized by the sight. With the tears in her eyes the precious stones seem to scintillate even more. She's positive she's forgotten how to breathe. "So...will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year to us, let's wish each other a year full of kevison content! please do remember to leave your thoughts here! 
> 
> #mischiefmanaged


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin can't read her, can't tell what she's thinking. Her eyes are gleaming but the tears aren't rolling down her cheeks; her lips tremble just slightly; the tiny hand waggle he usually finds so endearing is gone, her hand frozen in motion, stopped just before it covers her mouth. It falls to her belly instead, absently, Kevin's sure, and even though Madison looks in shock, he can't help beaming at her. 
> 
> She's a mess and she's perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year! time to see if it's gonna be a good one where y'all can celebrate Madison saying yes, or wallow in misery forever because she said no. :p

Madison likes her tea scalding hot and strong. Kevin knows this because she owns these little hourglasses, a perfect tea timer set that amused him at first because it seemed like the kind of item only _Madison_ would have - anyone else would just set an alarm on their phone, or wait, somehow knowing when their tea was ready. Not Madison, though. He's watched her stare at the colored grains of sand as they fell, never removing the tea bag until the very last one had dropped.

Waiting for her to say something, _anything_ , as she stands there, her eyes wide and her mouth wobbling, is starting to feel like she set the timer on the five minutes mark for her perfect tea blend. Like she's watching these infinitesimal, purple grains drop before her eyes, trying to find the words in between each, singular grain slowly making its way to the bottom of the hourglass. Kevin can't read her, can't tell what she's thinking. Her eyes are gleaming but the tears aren't rolling down her cheeks; her lips tremble just slightly; the tiny hand waggle he usually finds so endearing is gone, her hand frozen in motion, stopped just before it covers her mouth. It falls to her belly instead, absently, Kevin's sure, and even though Madison looks in shock, he can't help beaming at her.

She's a mess and she's _perfect_.

" _Kev_ ," Madison speaks his name at last, in a whisper, this tiny, frail thing. "You -" She shakes her head, more to herself than to him. "You don't know - you're not thinking straight."

She's not saying _no_. Kevin focuses on this - as long as she's not saying no, he _can_ still show her, tell her how much she means to him. He watches Madison's eyes grow wider as he straightens and stands and walks to her, a deer caught in the headlight as he takes her hand in his. There's no doubt in his mind - it's her hand in his, every day, for the rest of their life together. No other hand his hands could be taught to hold, no one else he'd rather stand with through thick and thin; no one else he can say without hesitation, or without pause, that he belongs to. There's no other home unless she's there, her smile so bright it could light up the whole world. It's not hope and it's not optimism, there's no wishful thinking - it's this _certainty_ that's taken root inside of him, that he _can_ promise her this: he's sure and he's steady in his belief that she's the one he can lay his heart in the palm of, that she'll know what to do with it. It's the only truth he knows. It's the only thing that matters.

"You're shaking," he can't help saying out loud. He squeezes her hand tighter, and the first tear lets loose, rolling down her cheek. It pierces right through his heart - that there could _still_ be any shred of doubt for her. "Madison," he says her name quietly, softly, almost as if afraid to scare her. "You know I love you." She nods, almost imperceptibly if he weren't so close. In the minute space between them, Kevin can see how the tears are hanging at the ends of her lashes like dewdrops on fresh grass at dawn. She's a vision, she is, bewitching and ethereal, so delicate he's afraid to bruise or taint her with his touch. He wipes his thumb across her cheekbone, catches the tear. Madison leans into his touch on instinct. Kevin cups her cheek, keeps stroking his thumb. "I do. _So much_. What are you so scared of?"

She's not looking him in the eye. Her gaze flickers down to the ring he's holding as carefully as he was holding her hand a moment ago, like it's the most precious thing he's ever had to hold. And it _is_. It's the symbol of the future he _can_ see with her, of his promise to her that his love and devotion go beyond being smitten and giddy happy or a sweet rush of hormones designed to turn attraction into something more - it's a pledge to the responsibility and dedication true love requires, the resolve behind the vows, a tangible proof of his commitment to her.

There's the tiniest flash of a smile tugging at her mouth, he can feel the muscle shift beneath his hand, something so fragile and so vulnerable at the same time, a glimmer of hope - Madison _wants_ to believe him, even if her every instinct is going for self-protection, denying the truth, the depth of his feelings just in case she might be wrong and end up getting hurt again. "Getting married...it's _huge_." She pauses, wets her lips with her tongue. "It's not a decision you can just - make like this. We've only been dating for a few months. What if -"

Madison looks up, and he sees it in the watery blue of her eyes, the one ghost that's haunted all of her previous relationships. He can still hear her, the annoyance trying to cover the sting: _Oh yeah, I am fabulous. The fifth guy in a row just broke up with me because he can't see us having a future together_. "You think I'm going to change my mind."

Madison shakes her head softly, her teeth digging briefly into her bottom lip. "You say this now - and I'm sure you _mean_ it," she says, and she sounds so apologetic, like it hurts her to voice her doubts, it makes his heart clench. "But you don't know - a month from now, or six months from now, after the babies are born, maybe...I don't want you to wake up one day and feel trapped because you proposed and can't find a way to get out of it. You don't have to do this, we don't have to get married, I'm not -" There's a frown creasing her brow, and her breath hitches. "I don't expect the fancy ring and the big house and all the grand Pearson gestures just because I'm carrying your children. We can be a family without all of that - we're _always_ going to be a family, we don't need a marriage certificate. We don't need -"

She doesn't say it, but Kevin hears it: _we don't need a piece of paper when it'd be just as easy to sign another, one that puts an end to this_. She's terrified, and Kevin can't pretend it's not a slap to the face, hearing, sensing her doubts and fears. Madison's not saying no, but she's saying something that's even worse: _don't ask, don't make promises you won't keep_.

"You think I'm only proposing _because_ of the babies," Kevin finishes for her. It's exactly what Nicky warned him about - how he needs to _show_ her he's all in, instead of relying on words and pretty promises. "Mads. Don't you see it? I'm so _grateful_ for the babies, because they gave me... _you_." He lets his hand fall to her neck, cupping it, fingers slowly sliding to her nape. She's _so_ tense. Her pulse is ticking so heavily, it drums against his cupped palm. "I told you I wanted to be a father and that my child would be the love of my life, but...that was before I knew you. Before I realized you weren't just giving me the opportunity to become a father, but that this pregnancy...it was my one shot at having you. If it weren't for the babies, I'd still be looking for my big love story on dating apps without realizing that it's been waiting for me, right under my nose the whole time."

He thinks of that morning back at her house in January, this nameless pang he'd felt right after getting dressed and ready, just before waking her up. It'd tasted the tiniest bit like regret, leaving like this, but he'd justified his decision with reason, leaving no room for anything else. There's not much point thinking of what could have been if he'd stayed, if he'd called her in the aftermath, the day they could have spent, the dates they could have gone on together. The one thing he does regret, though, is not being there for her when she found out she was pregnant - from taking the test to all these weeks she must have spent agonizing, wondering what to do, how to tell him, _if_ she should tell him.

He's not planning on missing anything else.

He's misread the signs before, missed all the clues. He'd seen only a pretty smile and a pretty face, a guaranteed fun time, but nothing else. But Madison's been there all along, the best of friends Kate could ever hope for, taking care of Jack as if he were her own, sweet and kind and lovely, this warm, loving presence shining in the corner, while he's been chasing dreams and ghosts. He remembers telling her he was tired of it; from the start she's been able to make him say the things he'd never imagined telling anyone, or even admitting to himself. There's no doubt to him now - she's the one.

He takes her hand in his again, stroking his thumb over her ringless finger. "This - you and I - this is not just a convenient development in the story. I didn't walk into this hoping to fall in love with you so it'd fit this - I don't know, this ideal I had. I wanted to be there for you and for our children and you told me I could still find the love story I deserved but -" He lifts the ring, hears the sharp intake of breath Madison takes as he brings it to her finger, pausing right before slipping it on. "All of this led me to you. Getting to know you, realizing how amazing you are, falling in love with you. _You_ are my great love story, Madison. No matter how we ended up here, I know this is just the beginning for us, and I can't wait for more."

Madison's crying in earnest now, tears rolling down her cheeks, but there's this small, beautiful smile playing at her lips. "You...this isn't a spur-of-the-moment thing, is it?" she asks him, all heart and hope.

He shakes his head. "No. And you need to stop crying or _I'm_ gonna start crying, and I'm _such_ an ugly crier, if you see me like this you'll never agree to marry me and I _really_ , really want you to say yes."

Madison smiles through her tears and slowly starts nodding her head. Then she does it again, a bit more vigorously, the corners of her mouth lifting.

Kevin bites into his lip to resist the urge to kiss her. "This is a very controversial society we live in, you know, and I'm trying to be an ally, #MeToo and all, so I'm really gonna need verbal consent and assent here," he teases her. "I need to hear you."

Madison snort-laughs, the most beautiful, bubbly sound, as she brushes her free hand under her eyes, wiping her tears, then grabs the front of his shirt with her fist, tugging him closer. "Ask me again, you fool."

There's a dozen things he wants to add. How soft she looks in the morning, when she's still too sleepy to feel self-conscious and she just lays there with her hair mussed on her pillow, pale, delicate, tantalizing skin that smells so good he just wants to take a bite, has to refrain from it and kiss her shoulder or her neck instead. How he loves that little crinkle between her brows when she's FaceTiming with his mother, trying to learn how to knit or cook something, this _sweet_ _mama_ aura about her. That she's the first one he wants to tell about news, good or bad, or whose opinion matters the most; that she inspires him to do better, _be_ better, be his own person instead of trying to live up to impossible expectations. How she gives him direction and purpose and meaning. He loves how she brought light-heartedness to his life, this sense of belonging, this routine of two tea mugs, late night TV when he gets back late from set, the jokes, how they're building a language and a story only they know.

How he remembers his heart making this quick little somersault in his chest when she first made her entrance at the cabin, giddy and excited, shrieking _it's wedding day, bitches_ , so happy for Kate as if it were her own wedding day - how the very memory has had him picturing her yelling _it's my wedding day, bitches!_ It's crazy, how many times his mind went back to that day - visuals of her with that cute little off-the-shoulder top, getting her hair and make-up done and how he'd made a beeline to get her a glass of champagne, completely ignoring his own mother in the process. It'd been instant attraction, and if Randall hadn't said they could handle looking for Kate on their own, Kevin can easily picture how that car ride would have gone - flirting with Madison all through it, forgetting all about asking his brother not to let him sleep with her. He also wants to tell her how glad he is that nothing happened then because he wasn't ready for her, for their great love story, he would have messed it up and it's the last thing he ever wants.

He could say all of this, and some more, because if being with Madison has taught him anything, it's that there's always a new thing to learn about her, something else that has him falling even deeper in love with her each day. There's this fierceness she has, despite how reluctant and terrified of conflict and confrontation she is; Madison never backs down, she fights for what she wants and needs. It pairs so well with this infinite softness about her, how she takes care of everyone around her, tiny, little daily things or grand gestures, her love shining through all her actions. He loves how strong she is, how passionate, how she pours all of herself into everything she does. He loves that tiny, childish grin she has when she adds another spoonful of honey to her tea when she thinks he's not looking her way, playful, naughty kid, because he can just picture their children looking like this, hands caught in the cookie jar and still pleading innocent. He loves her like one loves fresh snow, for its purity, its delicacy, the sense of wonder it brings, watching the first snowflakes stick to the ground, the windows, it brings him back to his childhood, the magic of the season - except with Madison, it's like the first snowfall every day. Kevin's come to understand the significance of this, how to keep your heart open to the possibilities with the amazement of a child but the steadiness of a man who knows what he wants and is willing to stay and fight for it. He could say all of this and some more.

Instead, he goes for the simplest thing. She asked him, after all, and when has he ever been able to deny her? "Marry me?" Kevin asks again. "Please say yes."

Madison bites into her lip, cherry red by now from the pressure, then nods her head, her fingers twisting around the front of his shirt. "Of course I will. Yes. Yup. _Duh_." She's half-giggling, half-crying again as she pulls him down for a kiss, her mouth salty and wet as it crushes against his for all but a second before Madison pushes him off of her. "God, the _ring_ ," she waggles her hand at him. "You've got to put it on me before the kiss, it's _law_ or something."

Kevin laughs, briefly touching his forehead to hers. "We've never really been good at following the rules, now, have we? I think we've broken rule number one of your lady code a few times too many. But it's worked pretty well for us, uh?"

Madison nods her head again, beaming. Her skin is flushed all over, her cheeks a healthy, glowing pink. "It has, when it could have gone _so wrong_ ," she laughs in turn. "Back on our first night, all I could think was: if I break a bone, how will I explain it for the ER doc?" Her smile turns softer, sweeter. "And yet, our new kind of naked yoga trend led to this."

Kevin looks down at her belly, how it stretches and shows, unmistakably so now that she's in the late stages of her second trimester. But he focuses his attention on her hand again, and slowly, Kevin slips the ring on her finger, his own breath catching as he does so. It looks perfect on her, and there's a spark in Madison's eyes that tells him he got it right.

More so, it's the way she cups his face and pulls him down for a kiss, enthusiastic and messy, still teary, almost desperate, then loops her arms around his neck to tuck herself closer into him, that _shows_ Kevin he made the right decision, not waiting a moment longer. It's not the great, romantic getaway he'd planned, no candles and no flowers, but - he grew up during the golden age of Nora Ephron's movies, he knows a thing or two about this sort of earth-shattering, life-altering realizations, when it dawns on you that you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody and you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

And more than that, Madison _deserved_ to know it deep in her bones, too. If the way she sighs softly against his mouth is any indication, she's starting to.

* * *

Kevin can feel his lips twitching in a grin. Madison's supposed to be helping him peel and chop carrots and cucumbers while he's working on making the dip but he hasn't heard any chopping sound in over two minutes; instead she's got her elbows leaning on top of the kitchen counter, dazed eyes as she marvels at her engagement ring.

He comes up behind her, wrapping both his arms snugly around Madison as he leans his head in the crook of her neck, his chin resting atop her shoulder. "You like it?" he can't help asking. He knew it was _the_ ring the moment he first laid his eyes upon it, but _still_ \- he wants her to love it just as much.

Madison can't take her eyes off of it, even though she does lean her head against his, her still flushed cheek rubbing against his. "It's stunning," she says in awe, her voice just above a whisper. She moves her hand just so, the light from the ceiling making it shine and sparkle. "I love it, Kev. It's so beautiful. And I love the design of it."

He'd gone into the jewelry store not knowing exactly what he wanted but with a few ideas, the shape the first, definite one. The woman at the store had smiled confidently, saying that flower rings did bring a slight twist to traditional engagement rings; she'd called them feminine, elegant and romantic, everything that screamed _Madison_ to him. It did speak to a certain sentimentality that Kevin appreciated: to him flowers were a part of who Madison was, from the dry flowers hanging over her bed to her sheets, the pattern on so many of her dresses, the orchids she tended to like they were precious, the bouquets of fresh flowers he kept bringing just to see the smile on her face. Her love for them even seeped in her list of baby names, her favorite, _Poppy_ , and Daisy, Rose, Iris or Violet highly-ranked on it. He couldn't imagine choosing anything else for her.

Madison places her free hand over his at her front, her bracelet permanently fastened to her wrist now. "You've been doing your research," she says softly, the emotion heavy on her tongue as she tilts her head just slightly to look at him. "Between the bracelet and our star signs, to my birth stone." She wriggles her hand, the lustrous, dazzling red of the center stone like a drop of blood in fresh snow, a fairy tale all over on her delicate, regal hand.

 _Ah, red ruby, the ultimate symbol of love_ , the store clerk had said. _Perfect for a July-born bride-to-be_. Kevin had spent a good twenty minutes scrolling down through a dozen websites about birthstones charts and their meanings. He'd come up with rubies being a symbol of love, passion, courage and protection, more resilient and durable than many other gemstones, and if that didn't scream Madison too, then what did? She was the strongest person he knew, despite not seeing it herself; she had that grace, that inner strength and fierceness that his mother and sister had, too, in the face of everything, Pearson women so much stronger than the men. It was meant to be.

"It's a good thing you weren't born in August like me, it's this green gemstone, peridot?" he says. "I mean, it could have looked good for the leaves, but not as..." He waves his hand in a non-committal gesture. "Listen to me, talking like I'm an expert."

Madison turns more fully into his embrace, a curious spark in her eyes as she softly presses her lips to the corner of his mouth. "No, tell me."

Kevin feels a bit self-conscious for a second. He's put so much thinking into finding the perfect ring, observing Madison for days, the kind of jewelry she favored, trying to picture which gemstones or band would look most complimentary with her skin tone. It's been a true labor of love, and for her, he'd do it all over again.

He takes her hand in his, soothing his thumb over the ring. "Okay, so, the first challenge was the floral design. I didn't want something that looked too classic, or too tacky, like I didn't want your finger to drop under the weight of it. So I started searching for a ring that didn't look like a flower because of the halo but because of the stones and the way they were arranged around it?" He traces the accent stones flanking the ruby, a cluster of champagne diamonds like little leaves attached to the flower. "It sort of looks like a rosebud, doesn't it? And the woman from the store said that champagne diamonds were a symbol of committing to you to always finding reasons to celebrate together and being each other's biggest fan, and I thought, that's _us_. Steven calls you my cheerleader, and I love all that you do, and I wanted you to feel seen and supported and cheered on, too. And then I figured, since we're not doing anything like everybody else, I just couldn't go with silver or gold, I had to go for something that was you. So I opted for a rose gold band. I figured it'd look gorgeous on you, that it'd pair beautifully with your skin." Kevin smiles at the contrast between his skin and hers, so pale, so delicate, the very epitome of a Disney princess. "I wanted something that felt like _you_."

Kevin gets so lost in the details, he doesn't notice it at first, how Madison's eyes have widened then gone soft, the stunned quality to her smile. He does notice the feel of the metal from her ring as Madison cups his jaw, this light weight and bump on her finger, new and instantly familiar all at once. Her teeth bite into her bottom lip lightly, absently nibbling as she looks him in the eye, studying him. "You really want to get married, don't you?" she asks softly. "I mean, _being_ married, it means something to you."

Kevin covers her hand with his, leaning into her, their foreheads touching. He lets out this sigh that Madison inhales sharply, her other hand coming up to his neck, fingers sifting at the nape of his neck and into his hair as she holds him close to her. "You know I've been married before, and I wasn't good at it," he admits in a low voice. "I made everything about me. About what I wanted and what I needed."

For obvious reasons, Sophie and Madison do not coexist well in his thoughts, but Kevin knows this now: there are certain people who aren't meant to fit in your life, no matter how much you want them to, no matter how much you miss the way they look at you, the way they love you. There was a time when he missed the way Sophie used to gaze at him with those lovesick eyes; now he knows she couldn't have missed the way he _never_ looked back, too focused on _his_ own hopes and dreams, _theirs_ clouded by his ambitions. He was in love with the idea of love, of sharing his life with someone he would give his heart to - and yet he never truly did, not until Madison. With her he's not just dreaming of forever, he's _willing_ to take that very big leap of faith and trust that he can be everything she deserves, however crazy that sounds. But it's _true_ : if they aren't meant to be, then he doesn't know anything.

And Kevin _knows_. What he wants, what he needs. "I want you to know I'm yours. I want you to know that every decision I make, everything I do, I do it with you at the forefront of my mind. In my heart." He laces his fingers through hers, tugs at her hand and places it over his heart. "I love you. I'm in love with you, Madison. And I don't want to be your baby daddy, or your next-of-kin on a hospital form, or just your boyfriend. I want to be your _husband_."

Her mouth curves up, a mischievous twitch to it. "You want to become Kevin Simons?" she teases him. "How very modern of you." She tilts her face up, her eyes this sapphire blue, shining brighter than all the gemstones on her ring. "I'd be lying if I said I've never said it in my head, just to hear the ring of it. _Madison Pearson_." Her cheeks flush, the sweetest blush. "I've been thinking about it ever since...God, ever since we first started talking about baby names, I think?"

Kevin remembers that conversation on their flight to St. Louis very well. Madison had said she wanted the babies to wear his name because being a Pearson meant something and she'd like that, and for a second Kevin had thought she meant something else entirely, the smallest catch in her voice before she clarified. For a minute Kevin had stared at her, studying her, conjuring the visual of the four of them as a family, introducing themselves as the Pearsons, the four of them sharing a name, a ring on Madison's finger. He'd liked that, too - the idea of Madison being a Pearson.

Kevin rubs his nose against hers, meets her lips as she brushes them against his. "And how do you like it?" he asks in a murmur. "Because I _love_ it. I can't wait to call you my _wife_."

She kisses him harder then, the fingers at his nape digging into his neck as she pulls him down closer, tiptoeing to press her mouth more fully against his. Kevin's hands go to her waist, pulling her closer, too. There's a rush to her kiss that makes him feel giddy high, leaves him wanting to lift her and sit her on the kitchen counter and keep on kissing her senseless. He almost does, but Madison's already walking backwards, her back hitting the wall as she tries to drag him along. "How about I _show_ you just how?" she says, her voice husky and dripping like honey.

Kevin spares a single glance to the snacks they were making and to Madison's laptop that they perched on the kitchen table, already playing the show Kate was invited to; they can listen to the podcast tomorrow anyway, and it's even better like this, Jack can listen with them. He loops an arm around Madison before she realizes what he's doing, and the next moment he's scooping her up in his arms, locking his jaw under the effort; it _has_ become slightly more difficult to pretend she's light as a feather now that her belly has gotten so round and rigid it does come in between them for real in moments like this. Madison lets out this adorable squeal as she temporarily loses her balance, tightening her arms around his neck as he secures his hold under her knees and back. "Kevin! Oh my God, put me down!"

"Nope." It's much easier carrying her like this, with her bump out of the way, and truth be told, he's getting a massive, caveman kick about it as he starts walking to the guest room. "I need to practice the bridal-style entrance in our bedroom."

Madison giggles, then bites into her lip as they pass by Jack's door to shush herself. "There's a reason why it's called _bridal_ -style, babe, and we're not married yet."

" _Yet_ ," Kevin agrees as he gives their door a push with his shoulder, crossing the threshold. He puts Madison down, only to press her against the door, crowding her, Madison already grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "I can't wait to tell everyone we're engaged." He can already see himself introducing her as his _fiancée_ to everyone he meets.

Madison presses her lips together to hide her smile. "Perhaps we can keep it to ourselves until Kate and Toby come back, at least? And it'll be nice - our little secret."

Kevin puts his hands over her belly, cradling her bump. A couple of months ago _this_ was their secret. He loves it, how there are things that only belong to _them_. He starts kissing down her neck, suckling at the hollow of her throat on his way down to her chest. "Secret engagement. Sounds _hot_. Especially if it comes with secret celebratory engagement sex with my fiancée."

Madison does laugh this time, her fingers threading in his hair as he nuzzles at the open collar of her blouse, tasting the upper curves of her breasts revealed by their combined unbuttoning. "It - it's sort of mandatory, right?" she chuckles, her breath catching as his hand slips beneath her blouse and starts stroking up her side. "First, the proposal. Second, the celebration. I know we like to do things according to our own rules, but some traditions _are_ nice."

"I couldn't agree more." Kevin lifts his hands to her front, slowly undoing the remaining buttons. He can't help staring at her, the way her chest heaves from her slightly labored breathing as he reveals the skin beneath. Her cheeks are flushed bright but Madison holds his gaze as his eyes meet hers. It doesn't matter how many times she lets him do this, it always feels like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning, the sight of her alone enough to unravel him to bare threads. He pushes the lapels of her blouse, spans her waist with his hands, squeezing the warm, bare skin. There's something deeply erotic about the way her breasts almost spill out of her bra while her bump juts out and pushes against the elastic waist of her skirt, still covered but also so obvious, and it sends a stupid thrill through him, knowing he's responsible for this. Just looking at her has him half-hard in moments. "You're so gorgeous," he says, and hears himself, voice hoarse and torn. He's so weak for her, it's not even funny.

Madison bites on her lip, smiling a little as she tilts her head. Kevin follows, burying his face in the crook of her neck as his hands cup her breasts. A restrained whimper catches in her throat as he starts teasing her nipples through the fabric. "Don't tease," she sucks her breath in on a hiss. Her fingers reach out, curling again around the hem of his shirt, pulling at his jeans to tug him closer. She moans in frustration as the angle is all wrong, what with the way her belly comes between them, and she can't see what she's doing.

Kevin catches her wrists, stilling her fingers as they try to unsnap the button of his jeans. "Not teasing," he says as he pins her hands behind her back, gathering her wrists in one hand. "Just warming you up." Madison's mouth opens in surprise but she lets him, a long, keening moan escaping her lips as Kevin cups her breast again with his free hand, slowly tugging her bra down. Her nipple pebbles against his touch, his thumb drawing it taut before Kevin leans down and captures it with his mouth, circling it with his tongue. Madison pushes her chest into him but her hands don't fight his hold; Kevin tests her self-control further, pining her body with his against the door of their room, the evidence of his arousal bucking into her. Her eyes close instantly, a shuddering sigh that rolls through her and echoes through him. Kevin kisses her cheek, a soft peck to her closed lids. "I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you. Let me?"

"God, _Kev_..." Her voice is shaking, her lips hungry and urgent as they mesh against his. Her kiss is sloppy and messy with the tiniest hint of teeth as she nips at his bottom lip, drawing it out plump and red between her teeth. "It's not _nice_ to toy with the poor, horny pregnant woman."

Kevin releases her wrists but Madison's hands remain behind her, fingers curling and flexing against the door for support, from restraint. He cups her face, kisses her like he wants to, slow and unhurried, deep and long enough that Madison's quiet moans of frustrations dissolve into those appraising, breathless small noises in the back of her throat that send heat coiling low in the pit of his belly, his cock throbbing in the confines of his jeans. Slowly he lets his hand drift down her body, squeezing her breast, her hip, lifting the hem of her skirt to reach beneath, cupping the back of her thigh, fingers grazing the front of her already-soaked panties. "Oh, babe," Kevin groans, touching his forehead to hers. "How long have you been like this?"

Her eyes are hooded, her voice husky as she speaks. "A while," Madison chuckles softly, her soft giggles turning into a whine as he slips his fingers into her underwear. She closes her eyes again, her head bumping softly against the door as she tips it back "Ever since -" She sighs, this soft, pleased humming noise as he coats his fingers in her slick, starts stroking along her folds. "Ever since you put that ring on me."

"Jesus, Madison," Kevin murmurs. He settles his fingers against her clit, rubbing softly against the rise of it. Madison smiles in relief, this almost absent, delirious smile, her lashes fluttering. He brushes her hair away from her face with his free hand, kisses her cheek, her temple, the underside of her chin. Damn, he loves her when she's like this, so soft and sweet she forgets to be embarrassed and just gives into it, no burdens to carry, only pleasure to feel. He tightens the circles up around her clit, but not too hard, loves keeping her suspended like this as long as he can, knows how much sweeter it makes everything that follows, that much hotter, too. "You - got an engagement kink you wanna tell me about it, sweetheart?" he teases her.

She doesn't even rise to the bait, too pleased with his touch as she slowly rolls her hips against his hand. "Yeah, yeah," Madison murmurs. "You - you're one to talk. You and your pregnancy kink." Her hand reaches out as he slips a finger inside her and crooks, and latches onto his forearm. Kevin can't find it in him to chide her for it. Her fingers dig into his arm, her nails making small indents into his skin but Kevin doesn't mind, can't care about anything but the sight of Madison, her hips canting up as she rocks against him, holding onto him for support as she starts breathing a little heavier. He adds a second finger and she whimpers, seeking his mouth and panting against his. "To - to each their own," she hisses, the very tip of her tongue slowly running along the outline of his lips with darting touches before she kisses him for real. He can swallow her next moan as they kiss, and Kevin squeezes her hip tightly to anchor himself. "Hey, Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"Say it again."

He doesn't need to ask. Kevin tucks his thumb under her chin to lift her face up, rubs his nose against hers until she gets the hint and opens her eyes. There's a dazed glimmer in the blue, heat and passion and this familiar sense of peace that he loves. "You like it when I call you my fiancée, don't you?" he says, swallowing the soft noise she makes as he rubs a little more firmly at her clit. Madison merely nods, a renewed surge of wetness along the sudden spasm of her walls around his fingers taking him by surprise.

Madison's self-discipline dissolves as she clutches at his sides, fingers yanking at his shirt, trying to pull it off, making the most of it to slip beneath and find his skin. They skim up his sides, raising goosebumps in their wake and Kevin shivers, redoubles his effort to make her see stars. She's _so_ close, he can feel it, is dying to make her topple over the edge. She gives up on trying to tug his shirt off, opts instead to unfasten the front of his jeans again. Kevin helps her, can't wait any longer to feel her hand on him. Madison tugs at his jeans and underwear, just enough to wrap her hand around his cock. She has this sweet, almost lazy twist to her wrist that loosens him up with the faintest ache, Kevin rocks into her, forgets himself a little for a while. She feels so good touching him like this, he could almost come in his pants.

He forces himself out of it, focuses on her again. He lays his palm flat against her heart, feels how loud and hard it beats against her chest. Slowly he cups her breast again, leans into her and laves his tongue across it, sucking at the soft underside, dragging his teeth gently across her nipple. Madison bucks her hips into him, hard, and he feels her walls start to flutter again. He does it again, gives her nipple the gentlest bite while he keeps circling her clit, tight, fast little circles around it. "Come on, I've got you, baby," he encourages her. "I'm not gonna let my fiancée down. Gonna make you feel so good. This what you wanted?" Kevin asks. He grasps her breast more fully, pushes it up to he can nuzzle his face against the sweet slope of it. "We're on the right track?"

Her fingers around his cock loosen and flutter, her hold on him softening as a full-bodied shiver runs through her. Madison nods her head vigorously, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and hiding her face in his neck. "I - God, I want you in me," she moans, a breathy whine escaping her lips. "No more teasing, I'm ready for the celebration."

"Inside you like this?" Kevin urges her, crooking his fingers and rubbing right where it makes her keen and groan. There's another high cry of arousal that rings from her open mouth before it drops to his shoulder, Madison nipping at him to muffle the sound. It feeds that hunger he has for her, that pure, wanton whimper he's extracted from her worth every bit of the hell she's going to give him for teasing her this mercilessly.

But then she comes with this sweet, almost surprised sigh, her ire come and gone in a second as she stutters nonsense against him, her fingers digging into his side to anchor herself. For all the teasing this is what Kevin loves the most, this moment when Madison lets go, surrendering to the pleasure he gives her, this soft, pleased hum she makes as she relaxes into him. Before her, Kevin had always found sex to be relaxing and fun, a relief, the main course when he was starving; but with her it takes an entirely different meaning, a drastically different purpose, even. It's not just about love - he loves her, is in love with her, regardless of sex. But he's never felt that wonderful sense of peace that comes with being vulnerable with someone and not give a single damn about it. He could stay like this with her all day, let her play with him until he's like putty in her hands, begging for her touch, or have her tipped over like this, out of her head and into this dream-like state where everything feels good and safe. It's not just sex anymore. With her, it's never been.

He pulls his hand away, the softest moan coming from her as he soothes his hand over her side. Madison pulls back too, and he loves the line of her like this: eyes dazed, mouth red and swollen, breasts and stomach round from him, wobbling knees that have her back bowing. She trembles as he rubs his palm across her belly, can't get over the sight of her, so full of him. He tells her so. "Jesus, I can't get over how hot you are," he says, low and primal, praising her. "So fucking hot, so full like this." All he wants to do is tug her skirt down, see her belly fully, without hindrance, rub his hands across it, touch and kiss her skin, every scar and stretch mark she hates, show her how much he adores her and her body and her strength, worships the miracle that she is, carrying their babies. He could spend the day on his knees before her, insatiable for the sweet tang of her. He wants her naked and writing like all these months ago, so lost in pleasure she'd been nothing but a restless mess, her orgasms quaking through her, her skin flushed red all over, her moans so husky and loud in his ear, so unabashedly taking her pleasure from him. He's never needed to feel _all_ of her as much as he does in this instant.

Madison's fingers busy themselves with the hem of his shirt and this time he lets her, obediently lifting his arms up as she tugs his shirt off, starts running her hands over his front, down his abs, then up again, locking her fingers behind his neck. "You know, I keep - I keep thinking about it, the night we -" Her cheeks grow even redder. She licks her lips, and makes herself look him in the eye. "I keep thinking about the night we made them."

"Yeah?" He dips his face down, can't help nuzzling her. God, how he wishes he could just grab her thighs and lift her and pin her to the door. Instead he leans down a bit, enough to be eye-level with her, and wraps his arms around as best as he can with her bump. "What's that, babe? What do you think about?"

Madison lowers her gaze, her eyes travelling down his toned chest, the open front of his jeans, back to his arms around her. She reaches behind her, for his hands wrapped around her back, and tugs at them, bringing them back to her chest. Kevin hears his own breath catch as she guides his hands to her shoulders and the short sleeves of her blouse. "With you I didn't even think about..." She tilts her head, inviting, and Kevin follows her lead, slowly tugging the sleeves down her arms until her blouse falls to the floor. This is newly-familiar territory, Madison letting him undress her as long as her stomach stays covered. Still - Kevin _isn't_ getting tired of it any time soon. Madison sucks in her bottom lip as she thinks her next words over. "I didn't think about what you would think of me, because...no one had ever looked at me the way you did. The way you _do_ ," she amends, slowly tracing his jaw with her fingertip.

Kevin catches her palm, pressing a kiss on the inside. "Like you're so beautiful it hurts?" Kevin suggests. "Because that's definitely what I think when I look at you."

Madison laughs, and she must be silly still from bliss because it was definitely _not_ one of his best lines. She guides his hands to her waist. "You made me feel good. Like I was good enough, and that's - that's not a feeling I was used to. There _should_ have been a part of my brain telling me I needed to make this count because, _wow_ , _Kevin Pearson_." She grins, shrugs. "I mean, look at you. I should have freaked out, tried to pull out all my best moves for you like a freaking circus performer, which, then again, I did, or, like, it was more you than me, I mean, sure I'm flexible but I would have _never_ had the idea to -"

Kevin kisses her then, interrupting her babbling with his mouth. The visual is still very vivid in his mind, the memory burned into the back of his eyelids. Madison melts against him, squeezing his biceps hard. "It wasn't just sex, you know that, right?" he tells her. "Not now, but not back then, either. I know I joke a lot about it, teasing you about that upside down thing, but..." He runs his hands over the smooth, bare skin of her back, pulling her closer. "It wasn't just sex. I didn't think about anything but _you_ on that night. And if you short-circuited my brain it wasn't because of your moves, or how you look naked. It was the best night of my life because it was the first time it wasn't just sex. It was the first time I spent time with someone I didn't want to say goodbye to. Someone I felt like I could share anything with. And every day I get to spend with you feels like that night all over again - putting my heart in your hands and knowing you're gonna keep it safe."

Madison breathes out heavily, nodding her head. "You make me feel safe, too. And I know I don't have to hide anything from you. You _see_ me." She tugs at the elastic band of her skirt. "I wish there was a sexy way to take this off, like, if I were shimmying it down my hips, but..." She gives this little hand waggle he loves, and Kevin knows he's such a goner for her, now and always. He gives her such an enamored look, and Madison giggles. "No, but for real, I need your help."

Kevin reaches for her skirt, then pauses mid-track. "Are you -"

"Celebratory engagement sex," Madison interrupts him. She keeps nodding her head in this adorable way, encouraging herself and giving him the green light both. "Besides, I, uh..." She leans up on her tiptoes, hand wrapped around his neck, her thumb soothing over his bobbing Adam's apple as she murmurs in his ear: "I think this could be a new kink for us, you know? Me wearing nothing _but_ that ring."

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one goes especially to Ashley, Elena and Aissa, who, upon reading the previous chapter, all went "I thought they were gonna 🔥 and he proposed" and Aissa said "who said it can't be both" and you know I am Tulio and Miguel about everything: BOTH. BOTH IS GOOD.
> 
> don't forget to leave your thoughts down here!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison blows on her tea, bringing it to her lips, then she changes her mind. She lowers her cup and puts it down, reaching for her phone again. She flicks through her contacts with her thumb and connects the call before chickening out.
> 
> He answers on the second ring, a little out of breath. Probably on the treadmill, or out for a run. "Hello?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look - this has been a labor of love. Truly. Working on this story has been a struggle lately, what with the total absence of feedback from you guys. I've been working on this story for almost a year now and love for the characters is nice and all but it doesn't sustain much. So, you know - don't be a stranger.

Madison sighs softly as she lovingly gazes down at Kevin. He looks so _mesmerized_ , she almost doesn't have the heart to interrupt him.

 _Almost_.

She reaches down for him, threading her fingers in his hair, slowly massaging his scalp. Kevin merely moans, almost kitten-like, as he keeps rubbing his hand and pressing kisses all across her belly, talking nonsense to the babies. He just lies there, undisturbed, the sheer picture of bliss; the man is obsessed with this new expanse of skin he's discovered, mapping every bump and scar and stretch mark with a touch, his lips, that goddamn smile of his that makes her melt, so smitten and adoring Madison truly does believe that _he_ sees her body as this wonderland. There's something about this reverence he has for her that has her aching for him even more, craving for him to touch her, mark her, feel him inside her. She tugs a little harder on the short strands and Kevin finally looks up, his eyes gleaming with joy and pride. "Yeah?" He shifts his weight on his elbow, keeping his free arm loose as he loops it across her stomach. His hand is warm at her hip, his smile even warmer, it sends heat coiling tight in her belly. "God, I can't get enough of you like this," he says _so_ sweetly, Madison has to resist the urge to purr or let this high-pitched noise at the back of her throat out. "I could spend all night here."

Madison lets out a chuckle instead. "Yeah, I've _noticed_ that," she says, fighting against the urge to roll her eyes. "But, uh..." She squirms a little, lets her fingers drop from his hair to his shoulder, pulling him up to her. Kevin follows gladly, bumping his nose to hers as he kisses her, soft and surprisingly chaste. It'd almost make Madison laugh - how he always goes to the extremes, primal and caveman-like about putting two babies in her or so completely in awe he cannot help touching her like she's so delicate - if the horniness wasn't so _real_. "I think your fiancée was promised some celebratory sex and she's ready to cash it in, if you don't mind."

Kevin's eyes widen before he lets his head fall to the crook of her neck, dropping a tender kiss there. "Sorry, I got a bit - carried away," he apologizes. "Focusing on my fiancée now, reporting for duty."

Madison chuckles. The second his mouth starts making its way down her neck, her laughter dies down, dissolving into soft moans as Kevin worries that spot behind her ear that makes her toes curl and dig into the mattress. He strokes her belly one last time before pushing up on his arm to hover over her, his free hand stroking up her side but avoiding touching her chest in this barely-there, teasing way that feels purposeful, Madison can't help the small, frustrated sound that escapes her mouth. She reaches for his hand, redirects it up so he's cupping her through her bra, and Kevin all but _groans_. His mouth slides down her neck, sucking hard at her collarbone and trailing a path of wet, open-mouthed kisses down the column of her throat as he reaches the top of her breast and bites, licking hot across her skin to her nipple, tongue and teeth working it over the flimsy fabric. She drags her fingers through his short hair again, pulling his mouth closer as she arches her spine, tries to, at least; lying on her back like this often ends up with her lower back killing her, the pressure and weight of her stomach making the position uncomfortable, so Madison knows she doesn't have long to make this count. Besides, Kevin knows how to play her all too well; starts to know her body like the back of his hand.

Kevin drags his mouth to the center of her chest, teeth nibbling at the bow that fastens her bra at the front. Madison stares down at him and Kevin feels the attention, looks up at her with a boyish grin on his mouth. "Did I ever mention how much I love your pregnancy style?" he says, fingers toying with the bow. "All your flowery dresses, all these bows around your belly or behind your back, this one...God, you're driving me crazy. I know it's all about comfort and you and all, and that it's not _for_ me, but I _love_ it."

Madison rolls her eyes. Sure, the front-fastening bras are definitely a blessing so she doesn't have to hurt her arms trying to reach behind her back, but does Kevin really believe she picked those off the rack without him on her mind? "You better love it, I've got a drawer full of them," she says, remembering how her sister had insisted on renewing her entire lingerie when they went shopping together; she might just send her a text to thank her for it, then tell Lauren that all the sexy, lacy things she had her buy just got her _engaged_. "I spent an hour trying all these out at the store."

"I'm coming with you next time," Kevin nods his head enthusiastically before he sinks his teeth into the dip between her neck and her shoulder. Her responding whine is rewarded with his tongue soothing the bite, making her breath hitch and her fingers wind themselves into his hair. "I mean, to be your sounding board. Help with your color palette. Love this blue on you, by the way. And you shouldn't be carrying all these shopping bags anyway," he keeps rambling. Then he pulls at the bow and her breasts all but come spilling out.

Kevin nudges the straps down her arms, nipping at her shoulder in the process, before he nuzzles his face between her breasts. He presses kisses there, sucking at the soft undersides; his hand replaces his lips at her breast as he kneads it, cupping it more fully for his eager mouth. Madison keens as he takes her nipple in his mouth, fast slip of tongue and graze of teeth before Kevin pulls back, heat in his eyes as he blows across her spit wet skin, making her shiver. She bites into her lip as he mouths his way across her chest, dragging his tongue over the sensitive skin, and her back bows under his touch.

His hand resumes stroking along her side, squeezing her hip tight on its way down. He trails his fingers underneath her, warm against the skin of her back, along her leg, before they slide down between her thighs. She's wet, ready and wanting, has been for a while now, but Madison barely recognizes her own voice, so hoarse and desperate when she mumbles out: "Yeah. God, _yes_." They both moan at the first touch of his fingers as they slip beneath the waist of her underwear, her hips bucking and pushing against his hand. Madison squeezes his shoulder, digging her fingernails into his skin, as Kevin slips his fingers up and down, spreading her and sliding easily through the slick arousal from her first orgasm down to press gently and rub against her clit. Madison shivers, and as his hand twists, her knees jerk reflexively, closing and squeezing around his hand and opening wide, making her shudder, lift her hips up and push down, making it even better when he pushes two fingers right up inside her.

"That good?" Kevin asks, his voice nothing but a growl as he drags his teeth across her nipple and pulls at it lightly, lavishing it with his tongue to soothe the sting. His fingers are moving slowly, gentle and over-careful like he always gets with her, a little teasing but also so soft with her, as if he were afraid to hurt her.

But Madison needs more. "That's a start," she says, giving him a slow roll of her hips in response, feeling herself clenching around him again. Kevin's answering groan is a little strained, a bit desperate as he rocks into her and she can feel how painfully hard he is against her thigh. Madison reaches for him, wrapping a firm hand around him - she can't be bothered with finesse right now, and she squeezes at the base just the way she knows he likes, pumps her fist with a quick jerk that has Kevin cursing under his breath. Kevin seems to get the hint as slow turns to quick, gentle to a bit harder, harsher as his fingers twist and curl inside her until he's rubbing right where she needs it and she can't keep herself quiet. "Yeah, that's a _good_ start," she amends, a little helpless noise arising along a whine at the back of her throat. Kevin starts kissing down her chest, reaching her bump and resolutely heading lower, but she stops him, pulls him up. "No more teasing, no more foreplay. I need you in me now."

Kevin has the audacity to _pout_ at her like she's denying him his favorite thing. There _is_ something to be said for a man who enjoys pleasuring a woman as much as Kevin does, like he's _hungry_ for her; somehow it comes as a surprise just as much as it doesn't that Kevin would be one of those. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head a little on his way down, his hands grabbing the hem of her panties and dragging them down her legs. Madison lifts her legs, helping him along, and Kevin makes the most of it to press his mouth to her for a quick taunt, lick a teasing line over her folds, giving her clit the very tip of his tongue, just enough to mess around and wind her up tight like a bowstring. Madison nudges him away with her foot pushing against his shoulder and Kevin laughs good-heartedly, licking his lips as he kneels up. The way he watches her with dazed eyes, warm, molten brown piercing through her, the hard jut of his cock against his abs, has Madison clenching her thighs together for friction.

"Tell me how you want it," he says with that voice full of gravel like he's already losing himself a little. "Wanna be on top for your back?"

Madison hefts herself up on her elbows, shaking her head. Although leaning against his bent knees for support does feel great and keeps the pressure off her belly, and being on top enables her to control depth and stimulation both, she's _not_ exactly keen on having him look up at her from below while naked, a sort of giant meringue with her breasts as its two peaks. It's another story entirely when she merely has to lift her nightgown and they can both get what they want, but this feels like too much too soon despite the way Kevin looks at her like he could devour her. His appraising looks and moans do send a bolt of arousal straight to her clit and make her desperate for him, though.

She rolls to her side and grabs for her pregnancy pillow and a couple extras, situates it beneath her so she can rest comfortably against it as she gets on all fours, bypassing the discomfort of her belly weight altogether. Madison's never cared much for this position before, the inability to set the pace or change the angle making her want to squirm away sometimes, but with Kevin it feels different. She likes the thrill she gets from him using his weight and heft to go deeper, keep her suspended in a way where he controls most things, dominant and demanding, yet still tender in a way that makes her heart skip a beat when he can't help running his hands all over her and she can just enjoy it, relish it, let herself be so easily undone by him.

"Jesus, Mads."

Madison looks over her shoulder, biting on her lip. She knows there's a thrill for him too, something primal and masculine about it for him, this need to overwhelm her, how he's the only one she lets do so. There's something _different_ about tonight, too; where she usually bends against the wall or a piece of furniture, letting him lift up her dress, here she is, all bare for him, and from the way he takes a moment to just admire her backside, Kevin must be enjoying it. "Like that?" she offers coyly, though she knows how coquettish the whole pose must look like to him.

Kevin briefly closes his eyes, letting out this soft, torn sigh. He runs his hand through her locks, tangling his fingers in her hair as he hunches over to drop a kiss to her shoulder, the nape of her neck, her cheek; he lets his hand trail over the dip of her spine, the supple curve of her ass, and Madison's breath hitches when she sees him wrap a hand still coated in her slick around himself. "You're gonna be the death of me, baby," he muses fondly, sounding half-amused, half-wrecked. She shimmies her hips a little for good measure, and Kevin leans down, nips at her hipbone in retaliation. "Goddamn, you're pushy," he only pretends to complain as he shifts, one hand squeezing her hip and pulling her back, nudging her into a better position. His hand is warm and firm as he presses into her lower back, getting her to arch her back for him. Madison folds herself over her pillow, bracing her head over her bent arms. Kevin rubs his palm across her ass, and Madison gasps, witty comeback dying on her tongue as she feels the blunt nudge of the head of his cock pushing into her. "Like this?" he echoes in a whisper, dropping the game entirely, his attention fully on her and her reactions as he rocks just there, not pushing any deeper yet.

Madison fists her fingers into the sheets and pillows because this is _too much_ , so good she can't form a coherent sentence, just nods her head a couple of times, hoping he understands. There's a sweetness, a sense of quiescence before they start, Kevin's necklace brushing her spine as he drops down to brace his arms on either side of her, kissing between her shoulder blades. When he does she feels the slide of him deeper into her and Madison shivers all over with it, feeling sated at long last. Kevin hisses on his breath, digging deep for restraint, she can feel it from his little pants, and Madison rewards him with slow strokes, starting a steady pace with smooth rolls of her hips. Kevin untangles her left hand from her pillow so she holds onto him instead, or he's the one holding onto her, Madison can't tell the difference, only that their hands look good laced together like this, her ring a new component to the familiarity of this, the lulling beat of his heart against her back, the stretch of him inside her, the feeling of his solid weight, his chest warm and comforting.

Madison turns her head, his name lost on a moan. Kevin understands her instantly, presses slow kisses everywhere he can reach, her brow, her cheek bone, the corner of her mouth. "This feels so good after all this," Madison whimpers, nuzzling back into him. Kevin noses into her hairline and returns her moan, soft, fulfilled. He pulls back slow, then pushes back in slower, making her eyes roll every time he moves at all. She feels so full like this, so full of him everywhere, Kevin and the babies at the same time, Madison loves it, this giddy thrill she gets from it. She starts rocking back to get the smooth slide of him just how she needs it, tipping her head back to press a kiss to his warm temple. "Love having you three in me," she pants.

The groan Kevin lets out is feral and guttural, the sudden snap of his hips making her cry out. " _Fuck_ , you can't say things like that to me, Madison," he speaks her name with a warning, his teeth digging into her earlobe as he growls in her ear. He rubs a shaky hand across her stomach, cradling her bump as he keeps on with the unrelenting grind of his cock deep inside her. Madison twists under him, pushing against his hand, then up into the press of his hips, loving the way he's bracketing her against the bed, Kevin all over her, his harsh breath against her neck, how her skin feels clammy from sweat and Kevin's panting. He thrusts harder, their bodies slapping against one another, the first, subtle flex of her walls fluttering around him making him growl. "Can't say that to me," Kevin keeps mumbling in her ear, sounding utterly _wrecked_ now. "Love you so full, uh? Love you like this too," he turns desperately for a kiss and hums into it, dirty and sloppy and so sweet at the same time. His breath is short and high, gusting over her mouth in between kisses. "I love you so much."

Kevin pulls back then, gets his hands on her hips and picks up his pace before she can say anything back. Madison cries out and slumps forward, only kept upright by Kevin's hand that soothes up her spine and tangles in her hair, then his arm looping around her as he hauls her up to his chest. Her thighs start to shake from the change in angle and the exertion, the signs of her release hot on its heels, and the half-rough jerk he does to drag her up to him like this only adds to the feeling, his show of sheer strength as Kevin sits back on his haunches and wraps his arm more fully around her dizzying her. He pushes her hair with his free hand, tangling his fingers in it in a fist and tugging just the slightest; the sharp, small sting has Madison mirroring him, one hand reaching back to grab for his head, fingers grasping for his hair. Kevin nibbles at her neck, his hand stroking over her breasts, plucking a nipple and rolling it between his fingers, touching her belly; when his hand sinks between her thighs, the merest touch of his thumb to her clit, just the side of his thumbnail grazing it, has her bucking hard against him, meeting him thrust for thrust.

They keep trading messy, half-kisses over her shoulder, lips merely grazing, teeth biting into the other's lip, Madison's pants growing louder, deeper as the thrumming need pulsing low in her belly starts overwhelming her. She puts her free hand over her mouth to cover her moans that threaten to come out so loud, doesn't trust the high pitch of her voice as Kevin's hips snap up into hers, and then her world narrows to the drag and bump of his cock in her, the slide of sweaty skin, that throbbing need in her clit as he keeps fumbling over it, slow and sweet and promising; it's Kevin's shuddering groans, how his fingers drop and dig in her thigh, seeking an anchor as he starts unraveling. He's always looking out for her, fingers returning to her clit with a mission, rubbing furious circles around it to send her flying alongside him; Madison pants heavily against her own hand, fingers coming away wet from her harsh breaths. "That's it," she encourages him, reaching back as far as she can, her fingers digging into his side, the sensitive skin at his back, his thigh. His thrusts stutter wildly and Kevin's head slumps, his chin resting atop her shoulder. "Feels so good, babe, love it, love you so much," she pushes back on his cock, hard enough to make him falter in his perfect rhythm and Madison feels the first long, hard twitch of him as he fills her. The heat between her legs spreads like wildfire through her entire body too, and combined with Kevin's fingers that are still rubbing her even as he starts losing it, Madison writhes against him in the wake of his climax, riding out that euphoric wave of feeling him come undone like this, pulsing into her, his shaky breath fanning against her neck as she joins him there

Kevin cradles her belly, his hand warm and strong against her bump and its promise, and Madison covers his hand with her own, reaching for his fingers, entwining hers through his to feel him, get him closer, always closer. Just the feel of him inside her still, of his arms around her, his skin sticking to hers and his mouth dropping light kisses to her shoulder like an afterthought, soothing and soft - Madison's drawn-out whine rises as pleasure builds and topples her over, Kevin's arms the only thing tethering her as she comes.

She trembles, delirious from her orgasm and the sheer surrealism of it all - being here with Kevin, happy and comfortable and safe, feeling so giddy her heart might explode, so good and so full and so satisfied, so fulfilled. She's in love with him and they've just gotten engaged and it makes no sense on paper whatsoever, the two of them, but Madison doesn't care, can't care when he makes her feel like this, beautiful and sexy as she writhes naked in his lap, all bare for him and no shadow of a doubt about how he loves her like this, no matter what. Madison starts laughing, bubbly and snort-like, and she presses her hand tighter against her mouth to cover the sound. Kevin nips playfully at her earlobe. "You okay?"

She nods her head, turns just so she can bump her nose against his. "Yeah, yeah, I think - you just broke me, that's all. But in a good way." Madison keeps laughing, shivers just a bit, too, from exhaustion this time; makes a soft sound of protest as Kevin eases his softening cock out of her, never fond of that loss, and he kisses her shoulder in apology.

Kevin drags her down with him, and Madison fits her head on his shoulder as he lies on his back, breathing hard. "How - how do you break someone in a good way?" Kevin asks with a chuckle. "Because I feel _damaged_ , at the very least, but in a _I need a minute to recover from the sounds you make_ way." Madison _can_ feel it, her hand stroking over his chest and his heart beating fast and wild beneath her palm. "Yeah, maybe I need a little more than a minute," Kevin amends.

"You poor baby," Madison soothes him, nestling her face deeper in the crook of his shoulder and pressing a kiss there. "I need a shower, but I can't move. You're gonna have to roll me to the edge of the bed and carry me to the bathroom, that's how much you broke me. But what a way to go," she chuckles. She cuddles closer, as close as she can with her bump blocking the way, wraps her arm fully around him - he's the only blanket she needs, no desperate need to cover herself or hide coming her way. She has such a rush of affection for him right now, Madison wants to touch him everywhere, breathe him in and kiss him and never let go. Kevin's fingers are slow as they absently stroke at her back; one look up and she sees the way his eyes are soft on her, he looks so content and peaceful. Madison lifts her hand to his face, strokes the dent in his chin with her thumb. "I love you for never pushing, but always knowing what to say or do," she tells him.

She doesn't need to elaborate - Kevin understands. Things are going so fast between them, and yet she wouldn't have it any other way. He makes her feel safe, makes her want to try things that scared her before, makes her believe that he'll be there to catch her. And he _is_. He broke all her walls down and he's there to help her build things anew, with her, no longer her against the world but the two of them building their home and their life together. Madison can't help staring at the sparkle of her ring resting above his heart.

Kevin presses a kiss to her forehead. "Now, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna roll you to the edge of the bed and carry you to the bathroom, run you a bath, and go finish those snacks to get some food in you. And then..." He kisses his way down her face, mouth soft and teasing as he gives her a playful kiss. "Then we're going to make the most of the...what, thirty-six hours of secret engagement sex we still have before Kate and Toby come home."

Madison laughs, rolls her eyes; tilts her face up so she can kiss him more fully, cuffs her hand behind his neck and strokes his pulse. "Yeah, we really need to enjoy it before we turn into this old engaged couple."

"Mmh," Kevin agrees against her mouth. "Before you roll over and throw your arm over your head and tell me to just _get on with it_."

Madison does so, rolls to her back and sighs as she stirs and throws her arm across her forehead. "Get on with it, then. But be quiet, I don't wanna miss what's happening on The Manny, the guy is _hot_ ," she laughs as she pretends to turn the TV on.

Kevin laughs, too, rolls to his side and kisses her, his hand tangling in her hair. "Yeah, yeah, I know you're tired of me and only have the hots for him."

Madison nuzzles him, affectionate. "I'm always tired these days but never of you."

She feels Kevin's answering, beaming smile. "Ditto."

* * *

The first rays of sun pierce through the curtains, tickling Madison's closed lids. She rubs her hand across her face, shielding herself from the light, and it takes her a minute to figure out that the glint shining at the ceiling is a reflection of the morning sun on her ring. Madison can't help the lazy grin that twitches at her lips as she admires the gleam of it and how it reflects on the ceiling and walls; she twirls her hand in the air, beaming as the sun catches on the precious stones. The ring is truly beautiful and it's crazy, how instantly familiar it feels, the weight of it on her finger, what it _means_ \- that she and Kevin are engaged to be _married_ , someday. It might not happen before a year or two, they have _so much_ to deal with already and the babies aren't even born _yet_ , but the very idea that someday they _will_ be husband and wife brings a flush to Madison's cheeks that she's happy Kevin can't see.

Slowly, she rolls from her side to her back, the arm Kevin has slung over her during the night falling across her bump. Kevin's still deep in slumber, and he nuzzles closer instantly, instinctively. True to his word he's the one who got up during the night to take care of Jack, letting her rest and treating her like a queen as a preview to their future sleepless nights. It took a while to calm Jack down, between his teething and how shaken-up he was to have his uncle picking him up in the middle of the night instead of his parents - Madison ended up telling Kevin to bring him back to their bed until Jack would fall asleep again. After that, Madison dozed off, and as evidenced by the absence of a toddler snuggled up between the two of them, Kevin must have gotten up again during the night to tuck him back into his own bed.

She strokes her fingers over his brow, feeling a rush of affection for him - she loves him like this, soft, peaceful. Kevin's always up and about, so active, talking a mile a minute, he never lets himself take it easy, so Madison allows herself to enjoy it, too, this moment when she has nothing else to do other than studying him. His hair is mussed from sleep and her fingers, the area under his eyes just a bit puffy from his nightly uncle duties, he looks like a little boy like this, exhausted from a day and a night well spent. But to her he looks like the very embodiment of everything he's promised her - tired but happily so, if it means taking care of her and their family; all in, arm wrapped around her even in sleep, seeking her touch, protecting her and their babies. Madison could lay in bed with him all day.

Her fingers drift to his scruffy cheek, and Madison stretches her neck just enough to press a kiss to Kevin's forehead before she slowly extracts herself from his hold and slips out of bed. She watches fondly as Kevin seeks after her even in sleep, furrowing his face in her pillow, his nose twitching slightly at her lingering scent. Madison pads quietly out of the room, then goes to check on Jack; he's still sleeping soundly, his cheeks a less bright red than the night before, the fluffy toys around him wet with saliva from him biting on them to soothe the ache. Madison strokes his hair softly and tugs his blanket up to his chin before exiting the room.

The house is quiet, strangely so without Kate playing the piano or Jack playing with one of his musical toys or books. Madison puts the kettle on and lets her gazer wander around: from the high chair at the table, Jack's sippy cups next to Toby's Star Wars tequila shot glasses in the kitchen cabinet, to Jack's first try at finger-painting pinned to the fridge. Jack is _everywhere_ , breathing life in every room of the house - wherever Madison looks there's a piece of him, a discarded toy, a lost sock, his tiny jacket hung next to Kevin's and hers on the coat rack. Kevin's always teasing her about how short she is, his jacket like a circus tent next to hers, but Jack's is _so_ small - and in just a few months now, there will be even _smaller_ jackets and coats on the rack back at her house, tiny socks lost between the cushions of the couch or fallen behind the changing table, toys in the bath and the living-room, perhaps even in their bed as the twins spend the night with them. It's crazy how much space such tiny people take in your life and in your heart and in your home - Madison thinks that's kind of _wonderful_.

She fills her mug with hot water, starts brewing her tea. Madison fishes her phone from the pocket of her satin kimono to start the timer. Her phone reads 6.35. _9.35_ in _Pennsylvania_ ; Madison bites at her lip, thinking.

Picking her mug up, Madison goes to the backyard, curls into one of the chairs there. The air is already warm, the sky a clear blue with no clouds, a perfect day to take Jack to the beach and watch him go wild as the water licks his feet. Playing house this week-end with Jack is as good _Parenting 101_ as she and Kevin will get before the start of their classes: Kevin very enthusiastically signed up for mommy & baby yoga for very _non_ -related yoga reasons, Madison believes, if the interest he's picked in her yoga clothes lately - and how they stretch and fit her new curves - is any indication. Kevin's a bit scared of all the infant CPR and safety classes, but then again, so is Madison. She's been cutting Jack's food in such tiny pieces so there would be no risk of choking, never letting him out of her sight so he wouldn't get hurt, but Madison knows she can't protect him from everything - won't be able to shield the twins from the world, either, so she needs to learn and be prepared. Even with Kate near, and Rebecca and her wisdom, Madison still has no idea what it truly is like, being a mother. Kevin was there when his nieces were little, he's a great uncle, and she's seen him with Jack; even if he shies away from dirty diapers, Kevin is a natural with children, his deep voice and strong arms reassuring and comforting, soothing. She has no doubt he'll be a great dad and know exactly what to do.

Still. Nicky is far away, and of no real help when it comes to dealing with infants. His relationship with Miguel is on the mend, but Madison can't see Kevin FaceTiming him for advice. There's Toby, sure, but with the adoption they haven't seen as much of Kate and Toby as they usually would. Madison wishes he had his brother he could talk to.

Madison blows on her tea, bringing it to her lips, then she changes her mind. She lowers her cup and puts it down, reaching for her phone again. She flicks through her contacts with her thumb and connects the call before chickening out.

He answers on the second ring, a little out of breath. Probably on the treadmill, or out for a run. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is - hi, it's Madison. Kate's...I mean, Kate's and Kevin's -"

"You're my sister's best friend and my brother's pregnant girlfriend. I know who you are, Madison," Randall says with a chuckle. There's a pause as he catches his breath, and Madison can hear the flicker of his tongue across his lips. "Why - is everything okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, no, yeah, everything's okay, I just wanted..." Madison bites into her lip again. _What_ did she want? What did she expect? She's never had a proper conversation with Randall alone before, of course he'd think something is wrong for her to call him. She sighs, running a hand through her messy hair. "I really wanted to thank you for all the gifts for the babies," Madison starts. "I just love the twins blanket, and Kevin...well, he put those adorable little onesies in the first load of laundry, and you know him, he isn't exactly keen on domestic chores, so for him to do laundry...Anyway, we were _both_ very moved. So thank you."

"You're welcome. I - I'm sorry I couldn't be there," Randall replies, politely contrite but not much more. Madison almost asks _are you?_ but bites on the inside of her cheek to stop herself. She doesn't want to antagonize Randall, she just wants to talk to him. _Reach_ him. "Beth and the girls told me they had a lot of fun visiting you guys."

"We loved having them, too. And I mean, if the girls wanna come over again during the summer, go to the beach..." Madison lingers, knowing this is the perfect moment to prompt the conversation she wants to have, but not knowing how to broach such a particular, difficult topic. "We'd love to have you _all_ there, obviously. And with you three's fortieth coming soon, maybe -"

Randall's deep sigh stops her before he even speaks. "Listen, Madison, I wish I could tell you what you clearly want to hear, but...I'm pretty busy here, and I just don't have the time to deal with - I already need to schedule some time off to visit Mom, and I need to go see her doctors, talk about what happens next. Whatever's going on between Kevin and I - it's gonna have to wait."

So the elephant in the porcelain store strategy doesn't pan out with this particular Pearson man, Madison notes. That's okay. If she can't charm him like she does with Nicky, then maybe she'll take a page from Nicky's book on how to handle his nephew - and extend it to Randall, too. Madison takes a sip from her tea, pregnancy-friendly liquid courage, then braces herself for confrontation. She still hates it - but she's fighting for _her family_ , and it's giving her all the strength she needs. And Randall's family too, whether he likes it or not. "I'm not trying to get in between you and your brother, Randall. Honestly, I'm not. You two should talk on your own terms, when you're ready for it. And you probably should talk to your mother, too, because she's the one suffering the most from this situation. But I don't care if you don't really like Kevin right now - in a few months you're gonna be an uncle again and I won't bear it if my children don't have their uncle in their lives just because you and Kev are too busy fighting to focus on what's important. You're a father, and I'm a mother, I'm sure you understand how I feel."

Madison smoothes her hand over her belly. The babies give her all this strength she never suspected she had inside her; she gets so protective of them, so defensive, daring the world to say or do anything to them and watch her stand and fight back. She can't imagine her children missing on this Pearson magic, this sense of belonging everyone in the family shares, just because Randall and Kevin are upset with each other.

"Listen," she goes on, softer. "I'm not asking you to call Kevin or anything. I've been trying to talk to him because I _know_ how upset he is about all of this, but...it's not my place. You'll deal with your issues when it's time for you to deal with them. But I've seen Kevin with your daughters and with Jack, and I've seen you with Jack, too...and my children _deserve_ that, all right? They deserve an uncle who'll love them and be there for them no matter what. So...all I'm asking is that you be there. I've seen you all fly across the country when Jack was born. _God_ , even Kevin - one minute he's in my bed, the next he's up and back onto a plane to take you to the cabin." Madison can't help rolling her eyes - no matter how adorable and supportive it was of Kevin to take his siblings on this impromptu trip, he still _literally_ ran from her bed and it did _not_ do any good to her ego. "You're a family of people who would do anything for each other, and all I'm asking is that you push your anger aside to be there when your nephew and your niece are born. I want one good picture of them with their uncle. I want...I want Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning to be a quiet affair, not a scene straight out of _Knives Out_. Don't tell Kevin I loved Chris Evans in it."

To her surprise, Randall lets out another big chuckle. "I wouldn't dream of _mentioning_ Chris Evans in front of Kevin. He's been super touchy about the man ever since the whole _Fantastic Four_ debacle. Don't ever get him started on that movie, he _will_ rant about it for _hours_. Tell you all about how it doesn't matter that it was a commercial success because the acting was _subpar_ and _bland_." He pauses, realizing what he's said, perhaps even that for a second he forgot about his feud with his brother. Madison waits, toying with the bow of her kimono. "I hear you, Madison. I do," Randall adds. There's something in his tone; he sounds wistful, even a little strained. "I - I never congratulated you, by the way, so...I'm really happy for you guys, I am."

Madison stares at her hand, at the gorgeous ring that now adorns it. She almost tells Randall about it, but it's not her place to - there are so many things changing in Kevin's life that _he_ needs to tell his brother on his own. "Thank you. It's been...overwhelming, to say the least," Madison admits. "But we're really happy too. And I know Kevin would be even happier if...well, _I_ know I've just recently reconnected with my own brother and sister and it's meant the world to me, having them beside me this whole time. Sharing this with them."

Now that she has Kevin and Kate, and Lauren and Christopher, Madison can't remember how she ever believed she could do this on her own. Lauren blows up her phone with dozens of texts a day, from _Cosmopolitan_ articles about pregnancy fashion or pregnancy-friendly sex positions to random suggestions about baby names - Madison isn't even questioning where _Colleen_ comes from, no matter how loudly Lauren claims she found it on some Irish names list; beside the obvious link to her sister's latest love interest, for lack of a better word for what it is that Lauren and Colin do, Madison's read in her baby book that Colleen means _country girl_ or _wench_ , and, _yeah_ , that's a solid _no_. Christopher on the other hand is more reserved, practical: he keeps his questions to a minimum, offering to be there if needed, but never prying - but Madison knows that he _is_ just a phonecall away. Having the two of them back in her life has been a miracle of its own.

Randall coughs a little, clears his throat. "The twins are due in October, right?" he asks.

"Yeah. Sometime before mid-October, yes. Kevin's betting on one being born on September, 30th, and the other on October, 1st."

Randall hums. "Yeah, he would. Look, I can't promise anything, but I'll try to sort something out, alright? See with Jae-Won how to schedule some time off. Or at least, some _less_ busy time. I mean, I'm not - I won't miss the birth of my nephew and niece. I won't."

Madison licks at her lips. She tastes the brine there, didn't realize the tears had rolled. She wipes at her face with her sleeve and nods her head a couple of times before remembering Randall _can't_ see her. "That - that would really mean a lot. Thank you. And, uh...he's great with me, you know? Kevin. He _is_ ," she insists. Madison's gathered enough about Kevin and Randall's fight to guess at what both brothers said; combined with Kevin's lack of confidence in himself and his ability to be a good father and provider, and Randall's stellar example of being such, it doesn't take a genius to guess where the complex stems from. "He's always putting me first, and he does all these nice things for me that he tries to pass off as normal but...he goes above and beyond. He really does. He's really trying his best but I don't think he needs to try that hard, you know? I think..."

She feels a kick, and Madison presses her hand to the side of her belly, soothing her palm across it. Same as she gets so protective of her babies, they seem to know when their daddy needs them to come to the rescue. She hears Randall clucking his tongue, can imagine him poking it on the inside of his cheek, thinking, like Kevin does. "Madison," he says her name, sounding tired all of a sudden. "I know my brother."

"I know you do," Madison agrees. "But, no offense? You don't know _all_ of him. You don't know the man he's trying to be, and I think that if you got to know him, you'd love him. Because I do. I don't know the brother you know, and maybe I'd be angry with him too, I'm not trying to defend him, I just - I just wanted to let you know. He's trying, and I mean, sometimes that's all you can ask from someone? So that's all I'm asking from you, too. To try."

Madison waits with bated breath; then Randall hums and says: "People don't say _no_ to you, do they?" he asks, the beginning of a hint of humor in his tone. He's softer now. "Man, Kevin is in for a treat."

Madison laughs. She seems to have this effect only on Pearson men, but she won't tell Randall that, a magician never reveals their secrets. "You know, I never thought my siblings and I would get there - talking again, being a part of each other's lives. But these babies..." She strokes her hand softly across her belly, the light kicks like background noise. "These babies are changing all of our lives. For the better."

"I got the hint the first time, Madison," Randall notes without heat. "I have to go, but, I'll get in touch, okay? You take care."

"Yeah, you too."

He hangs up, and Madison stares at her phone, worrying her lip between her teeth. This went better than she expected, and still - she hates that she can't do _more_. Kevin was there for her after her meet-up with Lauren, ready for tears and late-night ice-cream if needed; he was ready to get in a fistfight with her brother if he so much as said something to upset her. She wishes she could return the favor and help Kevin find a way back to his brother.

"Okay, you guys, that was step one of our big plan, all right? We're gonna call it _The Brother Trap_ ," she tells the babies conspiratorially as she spans her hands over her bump. As if on cue, she feels a stronger kick, on the other side this time - both babies are awake and invested in her little scheme. "But this has to stay between us. It's a big surprise for Daddy. We need to make sure everything's good first."

She leans over to pick her tea mug again, startles as her eye catches on movement by the side of the house.

Kevin is standing there with a still sleepy-looking Jack in his arms, watching her with a curious eye and a small smile. "Now, buddy, what are your Auntie Madison and your cousins plotting about?"

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come on, if you've reached the end, you can't pretend it's so hard to notice the comment box and leave your thoughts!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, so Tess believes that gender-neutral names are cool, but gender-bending is the new trend. She says, and I quote, "even Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds did it, and they're #goals." I mean, it's Ryan Reynolds, babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I finished this chapter on Saturday and needed a few days to let it breathe, tweak it, check for typos, all the usual boring writer stuff nobody cares about. and then last night's episode happened and it made so emo I decided we all needed a little treat. so. here goes.

"What about _Calista_? It's Greek, means 'she that is most beautiful'. It does sound a bit presumptuous, but I mean..." Madison shrugs, grinning. "Daughter of a movie star, of course she's gonna be most beautiful."

Kevin lets out a chuckle. Even when she's tired or sick, Madison still looks more like a movie star than he ever did, with that bright smile and that spark in her eyes and the incredible figure that comes along. He can't wait to bring her to red carpets and movie premieres, and watch her eyes widen in surprise when everyone gushes over _her_ and completely ignores him. "Right back at you, babe," he answers smoothly, if the instant pink tinting Madison's cheeks is any indication. "Sounds like that shelf from Ikea, though. You know, the Kallax? The one all over Pinterest, you know, all those playroom Ikea-hacks?"

Madison rolls her eyes. "All right. _Not_ Calista," she pretends to cross out the name on an imaginary list, then turns the pages until she finds her next bookmark. "Maia? _Loved_. Mila? _Miracle_. Oh, and while we're at it, there's Matthew, too. _Gift from God_. Then again, maybe we'd be dooming him to a life of megalomania with a name like that," Madison ponders.

Kevin resists the urge to roll his eyes. Picking names is already hard enough as it is without adding meaning and etymology to the equation. "Gift from God. This rings a bell. Wasn't there - you've told me this before," he wriggles his hand at her, trying to remember.

Madison flicks through the book, reading quickly through all their bookmarks. "Yep, Nathan. Same root." She worries at her lip, thinking. "Should we get them names with the same meaning? It'd be cute, but I'm not sure it'd be good for their individuality. Like, you like Lucas, and I like Lena, and they both somewhat mean the same thing. _Light_. _Sunshine_."

"That's cute," Kevin agrees. "And two names that start with an L, right between K and M. But you _know_ that if we name him Luke, Toby's gonna spend the rest of his life - and our lives - whining about how we didn't name her _Leia_. I can just hear him say the opportunity was _right_ _there_. Hell, I'm sure your brother would join in too. We can't have that."

"Yeah, no, you're right," Madison nods her head, so quick her sunglasses slide to the tip of her nose. She pushes them back up her head, sighing as she leans over to adjust Jack's along with his hat that he keeps losing with all his crawling around in the sand. "Can't you tell your daddy _not_ to make this even more complicated, sweetheart?" she asks him, cooing.

Kevin watches as Jack throws his spade around, aimlessly trying to take down the sandcastle he spent a good twenty minutes building. Jack's at that age where he likes to destroy things, nothing making him more gleeful than making his bricks tumble or squishing the remains of Kevin's best sandcastle in his tiny fists - thank God Madison immortalized it with a picture for Kate and Toby. "Tess sent me an email, by the way. She has _a lot_ of opinions about baby names for a teenager."

"Such as?" Madison asks, sounding a bit skittish. "I love that she's so enthusiastic about her little cousins, I swear, but she makes me feel so bad whenever I shop online," she whines. "Every time I buy a dress with tiny bows or a toy that's pink or blue I can _hear_ her telling me about how I'm letting society bend me under the weight of gender stereotypes. And I mean, the nursery is yellow and green, I'm allowed to buy frivolous dresses with bows and those adorable pleated tulle skirts, aren't I?"

"Of course you are, they're adorable," Kevin nods his head, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "You know how kids are these days, super woke, and that's great. But ultimately she's gonna coo over her little cousins being adorable in their super cute clothes no matter what. Don't worry about it." Kevin picks up his phone and flicks through his e-mails. "Okay, so Tess believes that gender-neutral names are cool, but gender-bending _is_ the new trend. She says, and I quote, "even Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds did it, and they're #goals." I mean, it's _Ryan_ _Reynolds_ , babe."

Madison gives him a fond look. "How upset are you that you're not even your own niece's ultimate celebrity goal, though?" she teases him. At his lack of answer, she giggles. "Okay. Neutral names." Her nose wrinkles. "I don't know. I mean, I guess there _are_ neutral names I do like, but the boy-girl twin combo is already gonna be confusing enough without people asking "Oh, is it Andy, short for Andrew? Oh, no, it's _Andie_ , oh, okay." Imagine their first day at school, the teacher will call up Ryan expecting a boy and here comes a girl, we can't set them up to be confused all their lives."

Kevin puts away his phone. As adorable as Madison gets when she rambles, she's getting riled up here and this is supposed to be a stress-free day at the beach. "No neutral names, that's it. Gimme your most girly names, come on. You get a free pass for all your flower names today."

Madison beams. "Really?" Then she goes back to her book, skims to the end of the alphabet. "Sarah, _princess_. Sasha, _protector_ , works for Alexis, too, which I do tend to like more than Alexander. Stella, _star_ , which does go pretty well with the family legacy. But there's no choice there," she shrugs. "I know your favorite is Sarah. Oh. Victoria? Pretty self-explanatory."

"Our daughter can't be a _Vicky_. You know how mean kids can be, she'll be called Icky Vicky all through middle school."

Madison raises an eyebrow at him. "Is there a poor Vicky from your past to whom you need to apologize for calling her Icky Vicky all through middle school?" she asks, perfectly nailing this Mom Voice, Kevin feels like he's hearing his own mother scolding him, an echo from thirty years ago, it's uncanny.

He shakes his head. "Come on, give me more credit. I'm way more imaginative than this." Madison's fist bumps into his shoulder, and Kevin pretends to wince for her benefit. "Okay, okay. I'm serious now. What's next on your list? Did you find any name starting with Y? Now that would be a bold choice."

Madison narrows her eyes at him, like she's trying to evaluate how serious he truly is. Then she lets out the softest, tired sigh. "We only have three months left, perhaps even less. We need to pick names, or at least, make a _real_ shortlist. We can't be the kind of parents that panic and give their children weird names because they never took the time to think about it before the birth. Babe, we _can't_ be like the West-Kardashians," she shudders.

Kevin presses his lips together not to laugh. Madison's been on a bit of a spiral ever since Lisa got her that baby name book; she almost bit his head off when he suggested they name the twins James and Cameron - despite Kevin feeling like it had the same vibe as her Emmy and Oscar joke - because Cameron means _crooked nose_ in Gaelic or something, Kevin can't remember. Reaching over, Kevin takes the book from her hands and closes it, dropping it to the sand. "Honey, you've got to relax," he says. As Madison's lips part, he instantly amends: "Yeah, no, I'm hearing myself, and I know Dr. Mason taught me better than to tell you to relax. It's just - maybe we should put less pressure on ourselves about the names, alright? We've got to like them, and that's it. It doesn't matter if it means _crazy witch_ or whatever. Okay, I mean, maybe _not_ crazy witch. But you know what I mean."

Madison presses her lips tightly too, and Kevin cups her wobbling chin with his hand. Madison looks away, her gaze focusing on Jack. "Your family just has this history with names," she says softly. "Could you imagine him being named _anything_ but Jack?"

Kevin shakes his head no. From the moment Kate and Toby found out their baby was a boy, there had been no doubt; Kevin hadn't even needed to ask. Everyone knew they would call him Jack. "It's funny, because _I_ couldn't imagine naming my kids after my parents," Kevin admits. "Too much pressure. How do you live up to be your own person when everybody keeps raving about your namesake?"

Madison gives him a wistful smile as she cuffs her hand behind his neck, soothingly running her thumb along his nape. "Not even as a middle name? I just assumed you'd want to use Rebecca, at least." Her brow furrows. "I've been thinking about it, actually. Your mom was telling me this story about your dad the other day, and I couldn't help thinking how cute it was that he called her Bec. It works for both a girl or a boy. I think I even like it better for a boy."

Kevin leans forward, holding onto the arm of Madison's beach chair as he kisses her. She lets out this tiny gasp of surprise before she melts, kissing him back just as sweet. "You're adorable, you know that, right? Madison, it has to mean _most adorable_ in Scottish or something."

Madison's lips curve up in a beautiful smile. "Actually, it means -"

"Most adorable," Kevin insists, interrupting her with another peck. "Beloved." Another. "Precious." Madison beams against his mouth.

She paws at his chest weakly, pushing him off. "You're distracting me with your movie star charm. Quit it, lover boy." She resolutely focuses her gaze on Jack instead. "So what about it? Want to keep Beck for the boy? What about the girl? Maybe a derivative of Nicky?" Madison gnaws at her lip for a second, thinking. "Do you think we should use their godparents' names for their middle names?" she asks him. "I don't want Miguel to feel left out if we use Nicky's...Micah is really cute for a boy, or maybe Michaela for a girl. How many middle names can we get away with, though? If we have to find a way to tweak Kate's and Lauren's too..."

"Most adorable," Kevin only echoes, staring at her profile. There's the roundness of her cheek, her belly; the golden locks framing her face, even fairer in the sun; the gleam in her blue eyes. As much as she's trying to please him by honoring his side of the family, the only thing Kevin wants is for their children to be _all her_. Her kindness, how smart she is, the way her smile could make the hardest of hearts melt. "Mads, you and I, _we_ are family. These kids don't have to be one hundred percent Pearson-manufactured, you know." Kevin doesn't suggest using her parents' names as middle names - partly because he doesn't even know their names, which, again, is sort of weird when starting a family with someone, and partly because he doesn't want to upset her. "How about Laurie or Laura? Or Christina or Chrissy after your brother. Hey, I _know_ ," Kevin snaps his fingers, "how about Maisie? After Dr. Mason? We _love_ Dr. Mason."

Madison's lips twitch up in a soft smile. "That _is_ cute. How about Chris Evan Pearson for the boy, though?" Madison suggests with a mischievous grin. "The opportunity is right _there_."

"Don't make me bury you in the sand."

Madison giggles, and Jack perks up, following the sound. Kevin softens instantly. Madison hefts herself from her chair - not without difficulty, he can't help grinning as she needs to give it a try twice before succeeding, propelling herself by digging her feet in the sand and pushing on the arms of her chair - and kneels in the sand beside Jack. "Come on, sweetheart. Time to put some sunscreen on again, then you're gonna go swimming with Uncle Kev, uh? I need the quiet and the peace." She tips her chin at his inflatable Moby Dick floatie. "Pump it up a bit more, will you?"

She worries too much, it's adorable. Kevin reaches over, tugs at her shoulder until Madison gets the hint and follows, moving to sit before his chair. Kevin grabs for her beach bag and gets the sunscreen lotion, puts a dollop in her outstretched hand for Jack as he sprays some in his own hand to work on Madison's neck and back; her skin is so pale and sensitive like a baby's, she's the one more at-risk to go home looking like a lobster between the two.

They work in tandem, Madison rubbing sunscreen on Jack like he's a piece of toast she's buttering, leaving no inch of his skin untouched; Kevin stroking down her arms long after the last of the lotion is gone from his hands. He watches, grinning, as Jack keeps slipping away from Madison's slippery hands, instantly getting sand sticking all over his body. "Kevin," she turns to him, pleading. "Say something."

Kevin laughs. "Because you think he's gonna listen to _me_? You're his favorite."

Madison rolls her eyes. "What's the point of the deep voice if you won't use it to tell the kids to listen to me?"

She leans back against his knees, tilts her head back on his lap and Kevin leans down, rubbing his nose against her before kissing her. "You can't expect me to be good at disciplining them, babe," he argues. "You know I can't resist puppy eyes. I can't even resist _you_ , how am I supposed to resist the power of two mini-you?"

Madison pats his cheek, scratching her nails along his scruff. "Fine. If I have to be in charge for the first ten years or so, then you be the uncool dad who tells them that they can't go out on a school night. Deal?"

Kevin thinks about it. If their children are like him when he was in high school, then it's probably for the best. "Okay. And I'll kill the spiders."

"Obviously."

"And I think I can handle the talk about death. I did it with Tess and Annie, and..." He pauses, remembering how that night went. "I mean, I have _years_ to think about it and come up with a good speech or a good metaphor, don't I?"

Madison grins. "Fine, but you still need to work on your Dad Voice when I need help. Come on, go on," she waves him away. "Catch the slippery little sweetheart and enjoy the ocean."

She straightens, chuckles at Jack's attempt to bury her shin under the sand. Kevin runs his hands over her arms, squeezes her shoulders. "You're not coming? What's the point of being named after a mermaid?"

Madison snorts. "Yeah, no, I don't want people gathering round for the whale-sighting."

Kevin leans over, spans his hands across her bump. Madison's wearing one of those beach cover-ups, a bright, sunset orange thing with a pom-pom trim covering her maternity swimsuit. He knows how hard a step it was for her to buy one, to admit that her usual beach attire doesn't fit anymore - and as much as Madison is slowly getting used to her new body, it's still a lot, for everyone _else_ to see the extra pounds, instead of just her. The maternity photoshoot did help: he's seen the way Madison's eyes softened upon looking at the pictures, and although she insisted on how the setting was helping with the magic, or how good they both looked _together_ , he saw the small smile at the corner of her mouth. "What if I drown?" he murmurs in her ear. "Will you come and save me?"

Madison hums, shakes her head. "Stay close to the shore and you'll be fine."

Kevin lets out a sigh and presses a kiss to her cheek. He won't push. He tries to stand without crushing her and aims to grab Jack under the armpits, but Jack clings to Madison's leg. She really _is_ his favorite, Kevin reckons with a laugh. "Come on, buddy, let Auntie Madison get her rest." Jack says _no_ , over and over again. "All the books say they're supposed to start being like that around _two_ ," Kevin says, astounded. "It's literally the title of a chapter, _The Terrible Two_. Why do you have to always be so early and advanced, kiddo?" he asks Jack, who effusively ignores him in favor of trying to climb on Madison's lap.

Madison lets him, brushing the sand off his arms and face. Then she looks up at Kevin, her teeth biting into the corner of her bottom lip. "You should be ashamed of yourself, using your nephew like this," she fails at chastising him. They'll be quite the pair, helpless with the twins. "Yeah, Uncle Kev put you up to this, didn't he?" she coos at Jack. "Told you to be all cute so I couldn't deny you, didn't he, now?"

Jack's lips curl into this beautiful smile at the sound of her voice, his tiny hands reaching for her as he slightly topples on his way to wrapping his arms around her neck. Kevin fails to see how this supposed scheme is supposed to be working for him when he's the one melting over the sight - Jack hugging Madison, his tiny body curled around her bump and the promise of years filled with similar visuals and memories to come. Madison sighs again, smiling, as she waggles her hand at him. "Come on, pick him up, help me up, don't just stand there with that satisfied look on your face!"

Kevin does as told, biting on the inside of his cheek not to smile. Jack agrees to go with him once he senses that Madison is getting up too, seemingly satisfied with his scheming skills. Madison pretends to whine as Kevin takes her hand, but there's no real heat to her tone; with her free hand she reaches for Jack, his footing in the sand as uneven as hers as she waddles onwards, her little shriek as the waves lick up her feet even more high-pitched than Jack's.

When she catches him grinning at her, lovesick and dazed, Madison rolls her eyes. "You know, you should really put some sunscreen on, too," she chides him as she settles Jack on his Moby Dick floatie.

"Nah, look at me," Kevin argues, pressing his arm against hers. "I'm no Snow White, I'll be fine."

* * *

"Come on, just say it. I know you're dying to."

Madison looks up at him with the worst fake-innocent expression ever, with a side of fluttering eyelashes as a bonus. "Whatever do you mean," she smiles, "I'm not going to gloat. But maybe next time you'll listen to me. Or remember this as a learning experience when your son tells you he's no Snow White like his sister and mommy and doesn't need sunscreen," Madison echoes in a poor imitation of his voice.

Kevin shakes his head, peeking around at his back in the mirror. He's got the worst case of sunburn, a patch of angry red across his nape and the top of his shoulders. It doesn't even really hurt per say, just a little uncomfortable when he moves his arms and the skin at his shoulders prickle from the movement, but it'll leave a mark as the skin peels in a couple of days. "How was I supposed to know there would be consequences to my actions?" he whines.

Madison snorts. " _How was I supposed to know there would be consequences to my actions_ , title of your sex tape. Title of _our_ sex tape, really," she can't help laughing as she rubs a soap-soaked hand across her belly.

Kevin narrows his eyes at her. "You've been catching up on _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_ without me, haven't you?" he accuses, outraged. "That's supposed to be our thing," he grumbles. When he comes home late from a night-shoot and Madison's too tired for a movie, a couple of episodes do the trick, just long enough for her to tell him about his day and for him to tell her about his before she goes out like a light.

Madison rolls her eyes. "Yeah, well, it's the perfect timer when I soak my feet after a long day," she argues, chuckling. "Besides, I _told_ you about the treacherous reflective quality of the water. I told you the sun attacks you where you most feel safe and you didn't listen. And now your skin is gonna start peeling like a snake and there goes your movie star sexiness."

"You really are onto something about the movie star thing today, aren't you?" Kevin chuckles.

"I have to," Madison shrugs. "No one else will tease you about it. Come on now, gimme the aloe, I'll rub some on you."

Kevin looks at her, at her kneeling beside the tub for Jack's bath. "Come on, you shouldn't even be kneeling like that, I'll get you a chair, or I'll do it," he tips his chin at Jack.

Madison cocks an eyebrow at him. "You don't mind it when -"

" _Madison_ ," Kevin cuts her off, his eyes growing wide only making Madison giggle louder. "It's not the same, like I'm gonna make you - the bathroom tiles will hurt your knees, that's all, I wouldn't -" he argues as he exits the bathroom to go and get her a chair. He comes back with one and all but hauls Madison up with his hands underneath her armpits. He replaces her by the tub, leaning against the edge of it as he watches Jack play with his toys. Kevin dips his hand in the warm water, gets a handful of soap foam that he puts on Jack's head, arranging it so it looks like a shark's fin. He looks up to Madison with a satisfied grin. "Come on, take a picture, you know Toby will love it."

Madison laughs, running her hand in Kevin's hair and mussing it up. "It's not children we're having, but playmates for you," she says fondly. She snaps a picture to please him, then reaches over for the jar of aloe gel. The instant she starts rubbing some on the nape of his neck, Kevin can't help letting out a moan of relief. "Does it hurt?" Madison asks so softly, concern laced in her tone.

"No. Well, maybe my ego, but just a little." He gives her a smile. "I'm good with injuries, you know. I had to, really, with all the bruises I got from football. I'll be good with scratched knees and splinters and all that," he promises.

"I know you will," Madison replies, soft, warm. Her fingers are infinitely gentle on him. "I know you're gonna be a great dad, there's no doubt in my mind." She leans in, dropping a soft kiss to the side of his neck.

Kevin worries at his lip. He knows he's the unreliable one in the family, a reputation that sticks to his skin wherever he goes, no matter how hard he's tried to shake it off. It's the heart of the matter between he and Randall, always has been - Kevin's the one who runs when things get tough, he's admitted it himself. He sighs as he feels Madison's arms loosely wrapping around his neck, so attuned to his need for comfort, for her, her touch, her proximity. "I'm not great at decision-making, I've always gone with _both_ instead of this _or_ that," Kevin tries to explain. "But there _has_ to be something I can help with." He lifts a hand up, reaching for hers and lacing their facing together. "Like, deciding whether _Push It_ by Salt-N-Pepa should be on your playlist to push to. The answer obviously being..."

He tilts his head around to look for her reaction, and Madison laughs, rich and warm, it echoes in the room. "I'm not sure this is what Dr. Mason meant when he said we needed to work on our birth plan, Kev." She squeezes his fingers back, tightening her hold of him as much as she can with the height difference and her bump coming in between. "But you're right, I see what you mean. Maybe...maybe all we need to do is make _one_ decision and it'll make all the others much easier. And...don't tease me, okay, but _maybe_ I did start a delivery playlist."

"Oh? Come on, let's hear it. I need to rehearse all the songs so you can mock me for my terrible singing or getting the lyrics wrong. That's what I'm here for, right? To distract you from the pain with my singing." At the first notes of Beyoncé's _Run The World_ , Jack starts laughing, splashing his hands in the water and sending bubbles flying around. "See? Jack likes it. And he spends his time with Kate, he's a music expert. And I'm sure Deja would approve too. She might be more easy to satisfy than Tess," Kevin adds. "Add some Lizzo to the mix and she'll deem you the coolest mama-to-be."

"Can you call yourself cool, though?" Madison wonders. "Don't cool people try and be aloof to make themselves seem like they don't care about being cool?"

"Yeah, maybe, but there's still hope for you to be the cool aunt even if I've been surpassed by Ryan freaking Reynolds." He focuses his attention on Jack, grabs for the little bath-friendly book floating around about a piggy who gets covered in paint and wants to get all clean and pink again. "You think I'm cool, don't you?" he asks his nephew. "Come on, let's read this. I'm good with the voices and all," he turns to inform Madison.

He starts reading the story - there really isn't _much_ of a story to tell, what are children's books about, Kevin wonders - and he hears Madison sigh softly. She waits until he's done to say: "You really _are_ good. Like, _Pixar movie good_. I'm gonna need to step up my game or else the twins will keep telling me that Daddy does it better and make me start all over."

"You'll be better at everything else," Kevin counters easily. She _will_ be, he knows it. Just seeing her with Jack, how she soothes him, how much he loves her - Madison's a natural, she's such a carer and a giver, Kevin can't understand for the life of him how any guy could have looked at her and _not_ seen a future with her. He couldn't imagine anyone who could love him better, understand him better than she does - anyone who would be more graceful, more precious, more perfect for him.

They keep listening to her playlist, Madison rambling about how it stems from her workout playlist because she figures that going into labor and giving birth will be the hardest, most intense exercise she'll ever get. Kevin tries to argue that perhaps some more relaxing, soothing songs could work too, already picturing a sweaty, distressed Madison puncturing his skin with her nails and failing to see how _Call Me Maybe_ by Carly Rae Jepsen would help her along, but Madison just shrugs it off. He's not stupid enough to really argue with her about it, though, so Kevin figures he'll just make his own playlist and suggest they listen to both.

He keeps playing with Jack while Madison goes through pregnancy articles, asking him his opinion about the kind of snacks they should put in their hospital go-to bag - she grimaces at his suggestion of peanut-butter sandwiches, ends up writing two lists, his snacks and hers - or which clothes they should wear for the babies' first pictures. By the time all the bubbles have gone out and Kevin wraps Jack in his bathrobe, Madison's almost finished writing her hospital suitcase checklist, a pleased smile playing at her lips.

"Tell you what, we're not that bad at making decisions," she tells him sweetly as she rereads through every item. "Although I feel like maybe we should get a second pregnancy pillow just in case and leave it in the car? This just sounds like the kind of things we'll forget at home in the rush of things. And maybe I should start packing on aloe vera wipes, I don't want to look like a sweating pig on all the pictures." She starts typing in her notes, adding _organic wet wipes_ and _make-up_ to her list. "I know your family is all in each other's business and it's adorable, it is, I love the support, but you need to fend them off until I look human again, alright?"

"Are you kidding me? I'll be _forty_ by then, no one's allowed in the room until I've had some me-time with my eyecare roll-on," Kevin laughs. "I know we love raccoons, but I don't want to look like one, either."

Madison laughs, too; drops a kiss to his shoulder as she hands him Jack's pajamas. "Everything's gonna be all right, won't it?" she asks him softly.

He looks at her, at the swell of her belly - tries to picture how much bigger it'll get by then, when summer rolls and fades and leaves room to fall, her beach dresses replaced by those blouses and cardigans she wears and that make her look so cozy and lovely. Kevin tries to picture how small the babies will be, too, as Jack wriggles on the changing table. He doesn't remember how small and fragile Tess and Annie were, and when Jack was younger, Kate and Toby were so worried over him Kevin never had much opportunity to take care of him like this - but Kevin does remember this inherent fear of doing something wrong, of not knowing what to do and the sheer panic that comes with it.

He can't pretend he hasn't been thinking about it, dreading it - the idea that something could go wrong, that something could _be_ wrong with the twins. Because of him. The very fact that there is so much he has no control over, like how his past vices can affect the babies or even Madison's medical history, terrifies him. But he gives Madison his most reassuring, confident smile. "Everything's going to be okay."

* * *

It keeps nagging at him all evening, though. When Madison finally slumps on the couch and puts her feet up, done for the day, Kevin can't help worrying about how exhausted she truly is these days. It was only a few days ago when he found her throwing up in the bathroom, hiding the worst of her condition to him, possibly shielding him from it - even after a perfect day like today, filled with fun and laughter and the warmth of her sun-kissed skin, Kevin can't help worrying about her.

Madison covers a yawn with her palm, curling up to him as she folds her legs beneath her and wraps a throw blanket over herself. He loves that she gets cold even when it's over seventy-five degrees out, but still will complain that he's a human furnace and keeps her too hot at night. Kevin doesn't mind her pushing him away because she always inevitably ends up pulling him in closer, whining about how she misses him, it's adorable. Madison nestles her face against his chest, wrapping her arm around him and turning Hulu on and going through her list. "I did watch a couple more episodes without you," she confesses, "but I stopped right before the Halloween Heist ep. I wouldn't do that to you. I wonder who will win this time."

She starts playing the episode, and for a few minutes Kevin tries his hardest to focus on it. Madison goes feral on Jake and Holt for mistreating Amy, neither picking her up on their team and calling her a double agent. Madison rolls her eyes as both men all but yell at Amy's chest, thinking she's hiding a camera and a mic there. "I wonder who would be Jake and Holt in the family," Madison starts musing. "My sister is pretty competitive but she's so chaotic, I guess she gives off more of a Gina vibe. Or maybe Rosa? Like, Lauren always used to go _so wild_ during games, she wouldn't mind spilling some blood to win. Chris is more of a Terry. I think Miguel would be Boyle? He'd be so supportive of everyone else's plans. _Oh_ ," she pats his chest excitedly, " _you_ 're the jester, you'd be Jake. I'm loving this imaginary Kevin and Miguel team-up," Madison concludes gleefully.

Kevin chuckles, his hand twining in her hair. If he can't focus on what's happening on screen, he can at least do this: slide his fingers through the silky locks, let the scent of her shampoo fill his nose, the lingering scent of the sand and the ocean, too, let all of her overwhelm him. He drops a kiss to the crown of her hair, wrapping his arms around her more tightly.

Madison shifts, looks up, then furrows her face. She reaches for the remote and presses pause, straightening up to look at him more closely. "What's going on?" she asks as she smoothes a frown line between his brows. Her touch is so soft, Kevin can't help leaning into it, his eyes closing on their own accord. "Kevin..."

He curls his arm around her, pulls her in as close as he can with her belly bumping into his side. Madison lets him manhandle her like this until he's satisfied and has her all around him like he needs, then she wraps her hand around his neck, her thumb stroking smooth circles on his pulse. "Talk to me. Don't tell me there's nothing."

There's so much intensity in the blue of her eyes, darker than usual in the evening light, Kevin can't find it in him to use his old tricks, charm and smooth pick-up lines to distract her. He sighs heavily, lets his free hand travel down her body until it settles low on her belly, cradling her bump. It's irrational to believe he can do anything, that he can protect her and the babies, but as long as he can feel them move and kick beneath his palm, as long as he sees her belly stretch and grow bigger with every passing week, it helps, it does. "What if something's wrong with the babies?" he asks, hating how distressed he sounds and for showing his fear to Madison. Getting the mom-to-be worried is literally the most stupid thing ever, it's so stupid Dr. Mason didn't even feel the need to warn him against it because no one's _that_ stupid. "What if we find out something's wrong with them after they're born? I don't _know_ that I'll know what to do then. I -" He shakes his head, bites hard at the inside of his cheek. Madison's face is unreadable. "What if it's my fault? What if they have these cognitive dysfunctions Dr. Mason warned us about, and they have special needs, and it's all because of me?"

Kevin feels like his throat is closing up on him, a huge lump caught in it, it hurts to swallow. Madison's brow is furrowed in a frown. For an awful couple of seconds Kevin believes she's about to _cry_ , but she merely nods her head, her lips pressed into a thin line as she seems to ponder what he just said. "How about - you tell me every terrible thought you've had, and...I don't know," she shrugs, her fingers sliding to his nape and into his hair, massaging slowly. "I don't know. Maybe you just need to say it out loud, and maybe there's nothing we can do about it, maybe there's no fixing it or making it better, but...saying it means you don't have to face it alone. And then I'll say everything I've been afraid to say, too." She brushes his hair away from his forehead, gentle, a mother's touch. "How about that?"

He hesitates. It sounds reasonable, but - what if it upsets her? Kevin doesn't want to scare her, or anger her. She's the one carrying the twins, the one who has to make all these efforts to stay healthy, physically and mentally, for the three of them - what right does he have to make this about him?

He takes a deep breath, feels how it shudders right through him. Madison waits patiently, never ceasing that soothing motion she does with her fingers stroking his temple, threading in his hair. "Every terrible thing?" he asks in a small voice he doesn't recognize as his own. "I can say whatever terrible thing I've thought, and you won't say I'm awful for it?"

Madison covers his hand at her belly with hers, the stones of her ring glinting in the low light in the den. She laces their fingers together. "Isn't that the whole point, though?" she wonders softly. "When you love someone and you say you want to spend the rest of your life with them...isn't this what you promise? That every terrible thought they'll ever have, every mistake they'll ever make, you'll be there for them and love them? If we don't feel like we can tell each other anything because we're scared of being judged or resented for it, then what's the point of getting married at all?"

" _Mads_." It comes out as a _plea_ , Kevin can hear it. They _just_ got engaged, this is literally only twenty-four hours in the making - she can't _already_ be rethinking it, can she?

Madison shakes her head, leaning into him until her forehead touches his. "You're always so hard on yourself," she murmurs in the minute space between them. "And you're always so eager to help and comfort others." She pulls away, looks him in the eye with the sort of sheer intent and intensity she usually asks him to tune down, Kevin knows that whatever she says, or wherever she goes, he'd follow. "You know, I've been seeing this therapist for a few years now. She's great, I feel like she gets it, really. And there's this one thing she keeps telling me, and it took a while to resonate, I guess, but now I get it. She told me that I'm an acts-of-service kind of person. Like, I _do_ things for others, that's how I show that I care. And she said - she said that if I applied even the tiniest ounce of care that I give to others to myself, even something as small and insignificant as making myself a cup of tea or getting myself this book I've wanted for a while, or making some time to just relax and watch a movie...She told me that if I can do this for others, then I should learn to do it for myself. Tell myself that I deserve a nice, warm cup of tea after a bad day. That it's okay to start making the world a better place by starting with yourself."

"She sounds nice," Kevin agrees. "Smart, too."

Madison nods her head in turn. "Yeah, she's great. She's helped me...I don't know, realize that it's okay to tell yourself you deserve a little bit of help. And so do _you_ , Kev," she insists, punctuating her words with the softest touch of her hand to his heart. "I know you wouldn't think badly of me, so why don't you let me be there for you for once? I might not be a Pearson yet, but...I know a thing or two about pulling all the stops for the people I love."

Kevin brings her hand to his mouth, presses a kiss to the inside of her palm, brushing the band of her ring with his lips. "I love spending time with Jack, I _do_ ," he starts slowly. "And I think this week-end is doing us plenty of good. But...it's also made me realize how different his life is always gonna be. And there's nothing wrong with being different, nothing wrong about being blind, but..." He wets his lips, gives himself a minute to think it over. "I mean, it's not something you wish upon your kid, right? You don't spend months imagining that your kid is gonna have special needs, or that they're gonna be sick...I love Jack, I love him with all of my heart, but I can't imagine our babies..." The very thought that something could happen makes his insides twist. "I know how _guilty_ Kate felt, thinking she was the reason why Jack was blind, that she should have listened to the doctors, and - I mean, I'm an addict, Madison, I _am_. No matter how much I try, how much of an effort I make, I'm an addict, and that could have consequences...and if something's wrong because of me, if those babies' lives are altered somehow because of _me_...it's something I'm gonna have to learn to live with. Knowing _I_ did that to my kids. And I don't know - I don't know if I'm ready to face myself if that happens."

There, he's said it. Kevin wishes he could hide away. "Your worst thought...is that you want your children to be healthy and not pass on your trauma to them?" Madison says softly. "How is that terrible? That's what every parent wants - the best for their children. Of course no one wants their kids to live a life of limitations because of them. None of that is awful, Kev."

He shakes his head. "You're making it sound reasonable, like I didn't..."

"Like you didn't _what_? Like you didn't battle an addiction?" Madison suggests. "Like you haven't hit rock bottom and still come up on top? Like you're not putting in the effort every single day to be better?" She sounds so calm and collected, making sense of things that _don't_ make sense to him. "Don't you think Kate wishes Jack weren't blind, too? Of course she does. Because she's making all these efforts for him to live a good life doesn't mean she doesn't wish she could...there's nothing wrong about saying that his being blind is a curveball no one was ready for. And if something's wrong with our babies..." There's the slight falter of her voice that tells him she's scared, _too_ , but Madison swallows it down for him. "Then I guess we'll be angry and upset and terrified. And then we'll learn to deal with it and give them the best life they deserve. But we'll make it. We will, I know it."

"How can you be so sure?" Kevin asks. He knows that if she were the one getting anxious and overwhelmed, he'd tell her just that, too. He'd make sure she can feel it in her bones. It's so much harder to believe it when he's the one needing the saving, though. "How can you be sure that you won't resent me?"

"Would _you_ resent me if something happened to the twins because of me?" Madison counters. There's a tick in her jaw that tells him she's been thinking about it, too. "I've been feeling so sick, and Dr. Mason said that if it didn't get better perhaps I should be hospitalized. And sometimes when I throw up...sometimes I forget about the babies and I even enjoy it for half a second, because I hate all this weight, and if it weren't for them..." Madison forces herself to look at him, despite the tears welling in her eyes.

He cups her cheek, wipes his thumb across her cheekbone, collecting the sparse tears that have rolled down. Kevin can't pretend he understands why she feels like this, or that there's anything he can do or say that would help, but - what he knows for sure is that there's nothing awful about feeling the way she does. "Madison...there _isn't_ a version of the universe where I'd resent you for anything. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Madison wipes at her face too, then cups his face with both her hands. "Then you listen to _me_ when _I_ tell _you_ the worst thought you've ever had doesn't change how I see you or how much I love you," she says, soft but firm. "You hear me? There's _nothing_ that life can throw at us that we can't face as long as we're together. So how about you start believing me when I make great speeches?"

How she makes him go from hating himself to wanting to kiss her like the world's about to end, Kevin has no idea, only that he gnaws at the plump of his lip in order to keep himself from kissing her. "You're passing the Pearson test with flying colors, that's true," he says, and it makes her laugh through the tears. "You know, there's this thing my dad used to say all the time when we were kids...this corny thing, about taking the sourest lemon life has to offer and -"

"Turning it into something resembling lemonade?" Madison finishes for him. At his raised eyebrow, she explains. "Kate says that all the time, too. Your twin, Force-sensitive bond would be creepy if it weren't so sweet."

Kevin lets out a chuckle, then cups her cheek with his hand, tipping her chin up with his thumb. Even with tears in her eyes she's the strongest of them two. "You can take any curveball life throws at you. Life doesn't stand a chance against you."

Madison gives him this half-grin. "Hey, don't you go tempting the universe, now. But..." She shrugs. "I guess that's the whole point of being in a relationship, isn't it? Being there when the other needs a catch? You're always there for me when I need one, it's nice to be needed every once in a while. I mean, it's not nice that you feel like that, _obviously_ , that'd be awful of me to say, of course I didn't -" she backpedals, flushing. "You know what I mean, don't you?"

Kevin nods, bumps his nose against hers, and at last brushes his lips against hers. "I do. You're the best."

Madison smiles against his mouth, the tiniest frown still showing on her face. "We need to promise that even when we're scared, we'll tell each other how we feel, right?" she tells him. "If we want this to work, we need to be honest."

"Are we - are we working on our vows right now?" Kevin asks, a bit stunned. "Because I thought I had, like, months to work on those. You know I'm no good under pressure."

Madison settles back against his side, her head on his shoulder. "Remember _Halloween II_? Holt started planning the heist right after the first one. We need to stay ahead of the curve." She grabs the remote, her thumb hovering over the play button. "Tell you what, I think Amy's gonna win this one. Everyone's underestimating her, she needs to show them."

She resumes playing the episode, but once again Kevin can't really focus. All his attention is on her. He doesn't get as invested in TV shows as Madison does, but there _are_ glaring similarities between her and Amy. Madison's incredibly driven, always striving for perfection, and, to him, achieving it in everything she puts her mind to, although he does see how that can come off as off-putting or overbearing to others. _He_ used to look at her that way, too; see her as this awkward, crazy friend of his sister's. But even when she's the butt of everyone's jokes, Madison is nothing but genuinely kind and caring, always looking out for everyone else, never hesitating to put herself out there for the people she loves. He's never seen her being more assertive and confident than when she is trying to cheer someone up, or defending them.

It strikes him again, how much they complement each other. She's the voice of reason when he's spiraling, his north star, giving him direction and purpose in a way he hasn't felt in _decades_ ; he likes to think he can be that for her, too, a shoulder to lean on, someone she can count on - to stay and fight, to move forward, to build.

Kevin plays with her hair as the episode unfolds. He can easily picture Madison with those flower crowns she loves, or flowers braided into her hair. As Amy gets crowned an amazing detective/genius at the bar, Kevin can't help thinking that maybe he'll get Madison a crown of destiny as her something new. What's the point of being a celebrity if he can't pull off wild stuff like that?

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the feedback from you guys got me so emotional and so pumped, you have no idea!!! literally wrote this chapter in three days because I was so motivated and felt invincible, thanks to you guys. feedback is THAT powerful, y'all.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Madison," he says her name like only he does. "Honey, you're way too beautiful to ever be the crazy cat lady," he grins. He rubs his hand along her arm, then down, at her belly, stroking the side of her bump. "And you're never gonna be alone. Haven't you heard? You and I, we're endgame."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here goes your double dose of fluff after this week's episode!

"Should we adopt a dog?" 

Madison's head snaps to Kevin who's giving her this puppy smile, as if asking for _permission_ more than for her opinion. Madison can't help a chuckle. "Don't you think we'll be plenty busy with two babies without adding a pup to the mix, though?" she ponders cautiously. The visual of the twins crawling around comes to mind, chasing around a pup in the middle of the living-room in just a few months and all the mayhem that could cause. 

Kevin seems to think about it, then his eyes go to Audio and instantly soften, reason losing ground to childlike delight. Despite Madison's frequent visits to Kate's to take care of her dog, it seems that Audio favors Kevin more after one week-end with him, the traitor - between the walk they took together earlier this morning during Kevin's run, and now with their second outing of the day, Audio seems to have gathered that Kevin's the one he can turn to more so than the lady with the ever-growing belly and the swollen feet. "It doesn't have to be a _pup_ , though," Kevin starts slowly. "We could get a dog that's a bit older. A toddler dog. Old enough not to poop everywhere or scratch at the furniture, but not too old that it won't like to go running with me. And a kid-friendly dog, of course. A sort of canine fairy godmother." 

Madison shakes her head softly. Kevin's ridiculous, it's _adorable_ ; the thought crosses her mind at least once a day. "So what you're saying is that Audio and you are both Jack's godfathers?" she quips with a teasing grin.

Kevin laughs good-heartedly and bumps his shoulder into hers, then loops an arm around her neck. "Come on, can't you see it, though?" he presses, waving his hand ahead as if to show her, Aladdin on the magic carpet showing Jasmine a whole new world. "You and me and the twins sleeping in their stroller and our dog, going on strolls like this. This is what our future should look like." 

"I like cats better, though." 

"You like cats better," Kevin repeats after her, sounding dumbfounded. " _How_? You take such good care of Audio!" 

Madison rolls her eyes. "I don't have a problem with dogs, I like them just fine. I just like cats better. So if we're getting a dog for you to have a running partner and a canine co-parent, then I get to have a kitten. I think that's only fair." 

Kevin hums, then drops a kiss to the top of her head. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe two babies are enough, we don't want the house to turn into a menagerie." 

Madison frowns, slowing her step. She takes a moment to lean onto the stroller and rest, and looks up at Kevin with a raised eyebrow. "Wait. You _don't_ like cats?" she asks, narrowing her eyes. 

Kevin lifts his hands up in defense. "I don't dislike cats, but I don't think _they_ like _me_ ," he protests. "Every time I run by Rhonda's, all her stray cats hiss at me, and they get pretty scary, you know." 

"That's because Rhonda stops feeding them to drool all over you. It has nothing to do with you." 

"Oh." Kevin lets out a chuckle, then softens. "Okay, then. I guess we _could_ get a cat, too." He watches as Audio circles around his leash to sniff at his feet, then puts his paws on the front of the stroller, sniffing a sleeping Jack. "Look at him, though. No cat is ever gonna look after our babies like this. Maybe we should get a dog like the one in _Peter Pan_?" Kevin suggests excitedly. "That dog is the children's nursemaid." 

Two babies, a kitten, a pup _and_ an overgrown puppy, Madison muses. What did she get herself into? "We're getting a _human_ nanny, Kev." 

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Kevin agrees, then beams at her. "Did we just handle the cat versus dog argument like champs? Some people would get a divorce over this." 

"What kind of people do you hang out with?" Madison asks him, bewildered. Then she softens, leaning into his side. "I asked for a kitten for Christmas when I was four, and my parents got me one. But my dad was so allergic, he started having that skin rash reaction, and he tried taking antihistamines but..." She shrugs. "My grandparents took him in and I saw him every time we visited, but it wasn't the same." 

Kevin tightens his hold around her neck, bringing her closer as he drops a kiss to her temple. "What was his name?" he asks softly. 

Madison chuckles. " _Tigger_. Original, I know, but it was a calico cat, you know, with those large orange and black patches and stripes, and I was _four_ , okay?" 

"I didn't say anything," Kevin laughs. "I had a tiger toy when I was a kid, now that I think about it. Couldn't sleep without it. He was very unoriginally named Mister Tiger. Why didn't you get a cat after...when you got your own place?" he changes his sentence, squeezing her shoulder. 

Madison feels the blush spreading to her cheeks. "You can't laugh," she warns him. "But I - I didn't want to be the crazy cat lady. I figured that if I got a cat I'd forever be that girl, you know? The girl with the cat, then _cats_ , plural, and I thought guys didn't like the girl with the cat. The girl with the cat always ends up alone." 

Kevin pauses in his tracks, pulls at the brake on the stroller with his foot and loops Audio's leash around the handle, then turns her around, both his hands at her shoulders. "Madison," he says her name like only he does. "Honey, you're way too beautiful to ever be the crazy cat lady," he grins. He rubs his hand along her arm, then down, at her belly, stroking the side of her bump. "And you're never gonna be alone. Haven't you heard? You and I, we're _endgame_." 

He leans down, kisses her mouth as she lets out this happy sigh, she's helpless around him. Kevin says something as simple as _come here_ or _you and I_ and from him it means the world, her heart swelling to twice its size. He reaches for her hand, runs his thumb across her ring, his lips twitching in such a big smile as one of the babies kick against his other palm. "I think your daughter likes your plan," Madison says softly, covering Kevin's hand with her own and moving his palm until it's resting fully on her bump, right where their baby girl is giving her a series of sharp kicks. 

"Yeah?" Kevin says in awe, his voice dropping to this low, soft tone he always has when the babies are concerned. "Smart girl. Pips knows her Daddy loves her Mommy so very much." 

He says it so easily, the nickname rolling off his tongue, Madison's eyes go wide. " _Pips_?" she cocks her head to the side, surprised. 

Kevin gives her this half-grin, so charming and endearing as he bites at the corner of his bottom lip and shrugs. He leans over the stroller to peek at his nephew, nodding his head to himself, before he focuses on her again, holding both her hands this time. "You said it. He was always _meant_ to be our Jack. Same as our baby girl is gonna be our princess no matter what, she doesn't need to be named Sarah for it. I think she should wear the name that her mom loves the most, because you're the one I love the most." 

He's going to make her cry in the middle of the street, Madison can feel it, the heat that comes to her cheeks, the telltale sign of tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. He's going to make her cry over how soft and good and adorable he is. "Kev..." 

"You told me it'd win me over, and..." He tugs at her hands, tugs her closer. "All I see now is our daughter running around wearing a flower crown like you love, and she'll be _our_ little California golden poppy." He gives her a smile so bright Madison swears her heart skips a beat; she's _never_ getting used to this, she knows. He'll _always_ make her heart beat just a bit wilder. "Poppy Pearson. It _does_ sound adorable. And she'll be adorable, just like you. Our little flower girl." 

Madison can see it too, their daughter in a couple of years, running around and throwing petals on her way before she sees her dad and runs to him, hiding behind or clinging to Kevin's legs at the altar. With the way she's kicking now just upon hearing his voice, Madison has no doubt she'll be a daddy's girl same as Kevin sounds already so whipped, ready for anything for her and her brother. "You sure?" she can't help asking in a small voice. She was so certain he didn't like the name, Madison never allowed the possibility to really settle in her brain. To her their daughter was Poppy until she was born and they'd choose a name together; she could be Poppy only to her for a few months and that would have been okay. But now Kevin's saying this and... "It could be her middle name. We still need to narrow the list down, we could find a name you like better."

Kevin shakes his head slowly, lifting her hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it. "You've been campaigning for this name from the start. Hell, even Mom and Miguel already call her Poppy." His mouth curls in a grin, oozing charm. "It's your favorite. It's always been Poppy. Now we just need to wait until the perfect name hits us for her brother."

Madison nods her head, gnaws at the inside of her lip. She lets out a teary chuckle that draws Audio's attention, the dog barking half-happy, half-comforting at her as he rises to his full height, pawing at her leg and lower belly. Madison bends just enough to scratch behind his ear, making the most of Kevin not seeing her to wipe at her eyes. "Hey, you. What do you think of Poppy? You like it? What do you think of Pip?"

Audio barks at her, head butting against her hand for a stroke. Madison laughs, then looks up at Kevin. "If you and your canine co-parent really are okay with it, then..." she starts, feeling her mouth stretching into a smile. 

Kevin unhooks Audio's leash from the stroller, and Madison resumes pushing Jack's stroller. Kevin reaches for one of her hands, lacing his fingers with hers. Madison won't ever get over it, either, the feel of his hand, his skin, the warmth of him as he seeks her touch, always. "Do you realize we just agreed on getting a dog and a cat, _and_ we named our daughter, all in _one_ day? We're getting so good at this whole decision-making process," he muses, laughing. "Can't see why people pretend it's so hard, being a parent."

Madison looks at his profile, the curve of his mouth as he grins, cocky and full of laughter, the gleam of mirth in his brown eyes as he glances at her. Parenting might be filled with challenges, but there isn't much she isn't ready to face with Kevin at her side. 

* * *

Madison fidgets with the edge of the sheets, trying to smooth wrinkles only she can see, if the look Kevin gives her is any indication. "It can't be any _more_ perfect," he tells her softly, walking around the bed to reach her side and stop her fidgeting by reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Even if there were still some wrinkles, I don't think that Kate cares. Toby definitely won't notice."

Madison knows it. And she knows that Kevin knows her nervousness _isn't_ about leaving a house that's pristine to Kate and Toby, either. Kate texted to tell them they were getting through the thick of traffic and should be there within a half-hour; Madison's been racking her brain about how to tell her about their engagement for the past twenty minutes.

"You know she's gonna be happy for us, right?" Kevin says softly, running a smooth thumb over her ring. He's picked the habit over the week-end, always touching it, this small, dazed smile playing at his lips as if he were still in shock that she's wearing it, that she said _yes_ , when Madison feels like she's the one still reeling from it - the concept that he asked her to _marry_ him. 

"I know," Madison hums. She _does_. Kate's her best friend, and she's been nothing but supportive for the past four months. _Still_. "It's just...this is all going so fast, and I guess I'm just a bit...I don't know. I just don't want anyone to say we're going too fast, or to doubt -" She shakes her head, closing her eyes at her own foolishness. "I'm being stupid."

"Hey, hey, don't say that," Kevin says, squeezing her hand tighter. "I don't care about what anyone has to say about this. Only you. You're the only one whose opinion matters about this. What's the matter?" he adds, his voice dropping lower. When he speaks like this, his voice so soft, barely a murmur, tender and inviting, Madison feels like she could tell him anything.

Madison sighs, bringing her free hand to wipe at the stray pieces of hair falling across her eyes. She lowers herself to the bed, wrinkling the sheets she spent so long smoothing before. Kevin sits beside her, never letting go of her hand, waiting patiently. 

"I just can't stop thinking about what everybody will think," Madison confesses. "Everybody's been supportive about the babies, everyone's happy, but...there's this nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me that the haters will come back, or that your agent will tell you that being married is bad press for you because women can't fantasize about you the same, and -"

"You're stressing over _Brian_? Babe, Brian's gonna be _over the moon_ ," Kevin says, beaming. "Look at Clooney, everybody's crazy about his wife and how she turned him into this all-around great man. If anything it's made him a billion more likeable. People love that he's a family man, Amal's definitely the best part of him, Brian's totally gonna play that angle." He takes Madison in, tucks her hair behind her ear. "And if anyone has anything to say about us, I'll just shut them up. I love you, and I'm gonna marry you. That's it. Haters gonna hate, shake it off, Taylor Swift-style."

Madison laughs. "Worst is, your fans _would_ find you a billion times hotter if they knew you like Taylor Swift."

"She speaks to all of us on a spiritual level," Kevin deadpans. He brushes his knuckles under her chin, tips it up. "You're not upset about what being a taken man will do to my career, are you now? And you're not scared of idiots on the Internet. Talk to me."

Madison chews on her lip, straining her ear for the sound of a car pulling in or Jack calling out and waking up. She turns more fully to Kevin, focusing her gaze below his face, where she doesn't have to face the scrutiny of his piercing gaze. "I'm worried about telling our families. I'm worried it'll be painful for your mom because she already feels bad for not being here for us and the twins, I don't want her to feel left out on such a big change in her son's life. And it makes me sad that you won't get to share the joy with your brother..."

She almost tells him about her phone call to Randall then. Madison's been wondering since the morning before if Kevin heard her, or a bit of their conversation, if only to figure out who she was on the phone with before she noticed he was standing there. Kevin didn't mention it, so she didn't either. 

Kevin tenses, but only slightly so. She sees it in the way his shoulders straighten and square, but his hand remains just as warm in hers. "The stuff I have going on with Randall...I don't want it to - I don't know, ruin what we have. We both said things we can't just forget, and...." He runs his tongue over suddenly dry lips, presses them tight together. He shakes his head softly. "You know, I sort of worry too. I've always had my dad's voice in my head, and for a while all I heard was him telling me I had taken every wrong turn. But not this time. Never with you." Kevin smiles then, this soft, beautiful smile of his, as he looks at her, takes her in. "With you I've made the best decision of my life. If I'd gone to Nicky's after Claire's funeral, or if I'd dropped by Randall's to see the girls..." He trails off, silence lingering.

If he'd gone to his uncle or brother to spend some time with them, none of this would have happened, Madison muses. Maybe he would have opened up to them, maybe not - but _they_ would have never found each other like that. She'd still be nothing more than his twin sister's best friend, and he'd still be the hot brother, the one she sort of considered a friend as an extension of Kate, in her periphery but not quite in her circle either. They'd still be two people who navigate around each other but don't mean anything to one another. They wouldn't be _family_.

"I've always compared myself to Randall. Growing up, he was the good son, you know? The smart one, the kind one, the polite one. He was the perfect son. But I'm done with that. I _want_ to be done," Kevin clarifies. "We need to sit down and have the talk we never had in forty years for sure, and maybe then I'll get to tell him that meeting you might have been fate but loving you is a choice and I think Randall knows a lot about that." Kevin's voice shakes, just a little, and Madison brings their joined hands to her lap, covering them with her other hand. "I'll talk to Randall, I have to. I don't know when, though. But I know he'll be happy. And Mom's gonna be so happy, Madison. She will. You don't have to worry about that. If she can try and teach you how to knit over FaceTime, she can be a part of everything. And after the babies are born it'll be easier to go over there and visit." He pauses, gives her that look that says he won't push if she doesn't want to say more, but...

"Every boyfriend I've ever had, my family has always sort of been against," Madison starts slowly, trying to figure out how to explain. "Against is a strong word, maybe. It's just...every time I mentioned a guy I'd met, I could see Chris trying hard not to roll his eyes, or my father trying to...I don't know, tell me not to get my hopes up. My mother is always looking for the flaw, the _something_ _wrong_. I don't think she realizes it, she just thrives on pressure, she never feels better than when she's facing a challenge and she has to give her all, and that's what she expects from everyone. If I said I had met this guy, the first thing she'd ask was if I could see myself building a future with him, because that's what she and my dad did. They worked well together even before they fell in love, and to her that's the foundation for everything else. And I guess..." 

Madison pauses, thinking of all the men before Kevin. Those she believed could be the one, the ones who only lasted a few weeks, the ones who said they had a good time but never called back. She thinks of all the guys who left her bed before breakfast; remembers that tiny pang at her heart when Kevin did, too. The thing they all had in common was how they felt she was too much - too clingy, too affectionate, too _in_. Madison had applied her mother's philosophy of relationships even without realizing it - she'd asked a lot because she was ready to give a lot, too, and it'd never worked. Kevin had been the first to tell her he was all in too, to put the ball back in her court.

"Yeah?" Kevin encourages her.

"I guess I drove guys away because I've been so family-oriented, talking marriage and kids because it's all I've ever wanted, it always seemed too much too soon to them. So you proposing..." She looks at her ring, how perfect it is and the dedication Kevin put into it makes her heart skip a beat again. The things he does for her, so effortlessly, because he _wants_ to... "It sort of feels like a dream coming true. And in my mom's book, you don't build a life on a dream. You work for it. And I'm just worried to tell her we got engaged and she'll ruin this, make me doubt it when I have absolutely no doubt about you." She looks at Kevin, boring her eyes into his, willing him to know that her fears have nothing to do with doubting _him_ , but her own ability to be loved for who she is. "I know I shouldn't care about what others think, but it isn't so easy."

"Tell me about it," Kevin concurs with a sigh. "So your mom is a killjoy. And my brother and I aren't on the best of terms. So what?" He says it like it's so easy when Madison knows it's not, knows Kevin isn't dismissing her but putting on a brave face for the two of them. "You and I, we're happy, and we're gonna be even happier once our babies are here. We don't have to worry about anything else. People will choose if they want to join along the ride or not, but I don't need anyone else other than you and our babies." His head perks up at the sound of a car door opening then shutting. "That must be them. Guess it's show time. Ready to make your grand debut as the future Mrs. Pearson?"

* * *

Kate's so excited about her radio show and their little getaway to San Diego, she doesn't give Madison the occasion to say anything. She sends Kevin and Toby over to the kitchen to cook dinner - apologizing again for coming home later than planned, to which Madison only manages a _no problem_ before Kate starts rambling on again.

"I don't think I've had fun like that in a while," she explains. "I'd prepared for a cover and an original song, just in case. But they really wanted to hear my stuff, and the host gave me a couple of his contacts' info, said some should call soon. It was really exciting."

"And we loved it," Madison tells her. "I didn't realize you were still writing. Jack was out of his mind, he absolutely adored it."

"That's because he's used to hearing me sing," Kate says with a smile. "He wasn't in bed, though?" she asks with a frown. "Did he give you trouble? It's the teeth again, isn't it?"

Madison feels her cheeks heating up. She doesn't dare telling Kate that they listened to the podcast the next morning because her brother was too busy _proposing marriage to her_ \- and then thoroughly celebrating it. Kevin doesn't help as he quips in from the kitchen: "Oh, no, it was okay, really. I had to get up during the night but he just needed a cuddle and then he fell back asleep. We listened in -"

Madison waves her hand at him to silence him, and she hears Kate's audible gasp and freezes as she sees Kate's eyes narrowing down on her hand. "What -"

Kate's features go through a series of changes. Her eyes grow wide, her mouth slightly open as she stares at the ring, then up at Madison's face. She seems to take her in, the pink tint of her cheeks, then turns to the kitchen, staring at Kevin who's completely oblivious, Madison can feel it, as he keeps busy in the kitchen with Toby. Kate's mouth twitches up, the corners lifting in a victorious grin, then she shakes her head. "I leave the two of you alone for _one week-end_ ," she mutters. "One week-end. The last time I did, you made two entirely new human beings, and now..."

Kevin finally seems to catch up as he turns more fully to them, and Madison catches the boyish grin on his face, a kid who's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar but can't feel sorry for it because, _damn_ , they were good. 

"What did they do this time?" Toby asks distractedly, his head poking from the freezer where he's looking for the meat to grill. "Can't get any more pregnant, can you?"

Kevin gives Madison a confident grin, and Madison looks at Kate again, sees how her face is softening, the initial surprise turning to this joyful, beaming smile, something so fond and pure, Madison can feel her eyes watering. Kate tilts her head just slightly, as if she were saying _wanna tell him?_ , and Madison lets out a giggle, looks at Kevin, same twin expression on his face. "Well, we...we're engaged," she calls out to Toby.

Toby's head snaps up so fast, he hits the top of his head against the fridge door, letting out a loud yelp of pain. When he fully emerges, his eyes are even wider than Kate's were a moment before, and he looks between Kevin and Madison like he cannot process the information. "You did _what_ now?" Toby asks, his voice slightly more high-pitched than usual. His gaze goes to Kate, seeking confirmation from his wife. "Did you _hear_ her? How are you so calm? You guys are _engaged_?"

Kevin claps his shoulder, gives it a friendly pat. "Yeah."

"Engaged to be _married_?" Toby adds, then, upon hearing himself, shakes his head. " _Jesus_. Wow. We were gone for two days. What is it with you guys and life-altering changes when no one's around? You don't need to spice up our lives like that. What's next? Vegas? Are you guys going to elope next time we go to the store for groceries?" Toby rambles.

"Oh hell no," Kate threatens, pointing an accusing finger at Kevin. "There'll be no secret wedding, I'm _not_ missing my best friend's wedding."

"And your _brother's_ ," Kevin points out.

Kate shrugs. "I already have a married brother, and you and Randall look _exactly_ the same in a tux, this is gonna be all about _Madison_." She reaches over, tugs at Madison's hand to take a better look at her engagement ring. "Damn, Kev. You really went big about it, this is _gorgeous_." There's awe in her teasing, and Kate keeps Madison's hand in her for a bit longer, squeezing it. "I'm so happy for you," she says softly. "So happy."

"And for me too, right?" Kevin can't help asking as he walks to them, drops in the chair next to Madison, leaving Toby all alone in the kitchen, still gaping at them. He rests his arm around the back of Madison's chair, and Madison's reminded of Kate's invitation for lunch back in April, when Kevin had sat just like this, so casually comforting and solid as they'd told Kate about the pregnancy. He reaches for their joined hands like he did the last time, and Kate clicks her tongue. Some things never change. "Aw, come on, Kate," Kevin whines. " _Your_ best friend, _my_ fiancée, we _both_ love her, all right?"

Madison rolls her eyes fondly. Kate cocks an eyebrow at her brother, then sighs. "Yeah, we do. I can't believe you two are engaged, wow. Congratulations, by the way," she adds, suddenly realizing she didn't say anything before. "Are we the first you're telling?" At Madison's nod, Kate gives her a smile, then frowns at her brother. "You need to call Mom now. We should call _everybody_." She picks up her phone, calls out to Toby. "What's our password on Zoom, Tobs?"

"Hey now," Kevin says. "It's past Mom's bedtime over in St. Louis. And we're not announcing our engagement over a Zoom call."

"Says the guy who told the world he was going to be a dad over _Instagram_."

Madison bites at the inside of her cheek not to laugh. "I think that what Kevin meant is that this is still all so fresh, we should just enjoy it tonight and then we'll call everybody tomorrow?" she suggests as a peace-offering, and it's ridiculous, really, Kevin and Kate arguing over how they should tell people as if it were a _sibling_ argument like fighting over the TV remote or who sits beside Mom at dinner.

Kate's mouth forms a pout, but then she nods her head. "I guess there are worse habits to pick up than the four of us sharing a meal and good news," she shrugs. She looks at the two of them so fondly, the soft expression on her face the perfect mirror of the one on Kevin's when Madison tilts her head to look at him. His gaze is so soft as he gives his sister a knowing, private smile, then falls on Madison, so tender, the absent way he's playing with the ends of her hair second-nature now. Someday it will be their children looking at each other like Kate and Kevin do, the bond between them unshakable, made even stronger by the teasing and the laughter. "Next time you have a spur-of-the-moment announcement to make though, maybe tell me beforehand anyway so we can celebrate with something better than an impromptu barbecue. Hell, Toby, do we even have some leftover beer for us?"

Toby's still sort of out of it, trying to get busy in the kitchen and still looking over at the three of them like he cannot process how calm they all are. He narrows his eyes for a second, then says with a thick voice: "You guys had celebratory sex here, didn't you? Of course you did," he sighs without waiting for an answer. "Jesus."

"We washed the sheets, we're not animals," Kevin replies before Madison can shush him. She rolls her eyes at him and he drops a kiss to her forehead, so affectionate she can't berate him. "Oh, and also, while we're at it, we have another good news."

"It's actually triplets and one of the babies was just hiding behind the others all this time?" Toby prompts.

Madison shakes her head vigorously. "The more these babies grow, the more scared I get of pushing them out. I couldn't deal with a third." She remembers Kate telling her that Kevin was six feet two and how huge his babies would be, and now Madison _can_ feel it. She's not sure that even prenatal yoga will be enough to help with that particular stretch.

Kevin rubs his hand across her belly, giving her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry I got God only knows whose gigantic genes, honey. But you've got to admit that my long arms will be helpful when we'll have four babies crawling around."

Kate chokes on nothing. "What do you mean, _four_?"

* * *

"Tell me my brother got down on one knee and all."

Madison chuckles softly, lowering her tea mug to the table. Kevin and Toby are grilling the steaks, Toby still looking a bit shaken by their news while Kevin's talking animatedly about how they should go on runs together with the dogs, Madison still rolling her eyes over the fact that Kevin chose to tell them about their hypothetical plan of expanding the family with a couple of pup and kitten. "He did," she confirms. "It was romcom-worthy, don't worry about it."

Kate nods her head, smiling. "Good." Her eyes fall on Madison's ring again. "Damn, that ring is gorgeous, I've got to give it to Kev. You know Mom is gonna want to hear the whole story, so you might want to rehearse it, maybe leave the celebratory sex out of it." Kate laughs, tracing the rim of her beer bottle with her thumb. "Mom has this moon necklace, our dad got it for her as this - love token. She wears it all the time. It's this old song by Cat Stevens, _Moonshadow_? You know it?" She starts humming a tune Madison's never heard before. There's a wistfulness to her tone, something half-sad, half-beautiful. Jack and Rebecca are the foundation of the Pearson myth, Kate, Randall and Kevin the legacy, each with their own love story now - the very concept that _she_ is a part of it shakes Madison to the core, it's _unbelievable_. "It was like the soundtrack of their love story. Mom was singing that song the first time Dad ever saw her. I think our family is just really big on symbolism, Mom's gonna love the ring. And I think she's gonna love to see Kev being so in love and giving his all. _I_ sure do."

Madison nods her head quietly, staring off at Kevin. This is what he told her on that afternoon seven months ago - how he was always the first to cut and run, how he never put all of himself into anything. Hearing Kate say she can _see_ her brother being all in - how different he is with her - warms her heart; Kate's the one person who knows them better than anyone else, who has both their interests at heart and who won't lie or sugarcoat the truth. Kate will give them the kick they need if they ever stray or falter; Kate will tell it how it is, good or bad. And the pride in her voice and in her eyes tell Madison everything she needs to hear.

This is the man she loves. A little bit messy when she met him, a little bit lost; but then again, so was she. And so what if Kevin's not the polished, articulate man her mother had envisioned for her? What if he doesn't have a ten year-plan? _So what_? His plans for them go _beyond_ ten years, further than the limitations of the kind of contracts her mother has spent decades drawing up. What's beautiful about Kevin and his promises is this: how Madison didn't even notice how they subtly went from together for the babies to _together_ _thanks to their babies_ , from an intangible sense of responsibility to the very reality of the commitment the ring around her finger represents, devotion and love, a resolve and a vow all at once - to stay and fight, to keep on trying, to love each other, now and always. It all happened in the smallest blink of an eye, so neatly woven together, small and big moments, Kevin bringing her dinner at work or telling her about his painting, pinning an ultrasound picture to the fridge to help her see that the dream had become reality, telling her he loves her and proving it every single day. At the core of it there's love and there's trust, and what more does Madison need?

She bites at her lip. Nothing. She doesn't need any more than this overgrown puppy of a man who can make her laugh and smile any time, who makes her heart race, and the reverse is true, he said it himself, and Kate's saying it now too, and it's time Madison _accepts_ it - how she makes him as happy as he makes her. They don't need anything else.

"If it weren't for you..." Madison starts, shrugging a little before she crosses her arms atop her belly, bringing her hand to her mouth and gnawing at her thumbnail. She can't stop staring at Kevin, but Madison forces herself to look away and focus on Kate. "If it weren't for you, none of this would have ever happened. You welcomed me into your family, and now..."

"Madison, you've _always_ been family," Kate tells her, serious and intense like Kevin gets, the twins' trademark, all _Pearson_. "If Kevin thinks he's the one making a Pearson out of you with a ring, he's sadly mistaken. You've been a part of us for a long time. Though I'm definitely glad he's helping making it official." She gives her a wink, then tilts her beer bottle to her. Madison bumps it with her tea mug. "To family and love and celebratory sex."

Madison grins, giggling. "Can I just tell you one thing about your brother -"

"Absolutely not," Kate interrupts her. Then, at Madison's pout, she amends: "Okay, then. _One_ thing. And you have to keep it strictly to _he_ and never say his name so I can _pretend_ you're not talking about -"

"He said I was his great love story."

Kate closes her mouth, her gaze wandering to her brother with such affection, a fondness Madison feels deep in her bones. Most people underestimate just how good it feels to love someone, to let the waves of warmth and tenderness rush over, but Madison _knows_. Kate's mouth twitches, her warm brown eyes gleaming. "Damn, I know I swore I'd kick his ass if he ever screwed up but it's hard when he gets like this," she pretends to complain, before she turns to Madison, her gaze still so soft. "You are, though. I've never seen Kev like that. So...at peace. Like he knows where he's going. He's always been all over the place, never fully committing to anything, and now..." Kate shrugs, smiling. "He's never been so in love. Usually Kevin just takes what he wants and it's sort of always worked for him, but with you he's learning to make compromises and listen and put someone else's needs first, and that's real love. You two are gonna make people swoon with your romcom love story and your movie star gorgeous babies, it'd be so unfair if you weren't the best people I know."

Madison feels her chin wobbling. She tilts her head to Kate, feels a surge of renewed affection for her best friend. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"You better, I'm letting you marry my brother," Kate chuckles. Then, she reaches out, gives Madison's hand a brief squeeze. "I love you too."

* * *

_to be continued_


End file.
